When your heart opens with compassion toward someone, it feels all of them….from the strengths to the pains, the bigness to the smallness. Compassion does move you to advocate, to offer, to invite, to be passionate and, sometimes, to draw boundaries if the person can’t feel enough compassion for themselves to match you.
Jillian: Merry Christmas, Mother. I don’t think this blog will be too long today as my back is hurting quite a bit.
Divine Mother: Merry Christmas, Jillian. I understand and I feel your pain.
J: It’s been just so full lately too as we celebrated our christmas early on the 23rd to allow our daughter to join in before she heads back to the city. Even after many years, I feel like I’m still letting in how different our christmas is from the ones I grew up with and probably from what most people experience. And it’s been full with planning and moving, although I can do barely anything at all.
DM: I felt your tears just now, Jillian, tears of frustration over not being able to do what you are used to doing.
J: Yes, it just brings up this helpless feeling inside of me. Not quite feeling sorry for myself..more like feeling impotent and unable to respond to the huge need there is right now to sort through our things, help Wayne with the storage unit, keep fixing up our RV. This is just the worst possible time to have my back strained and in pain.
DM: Or is it the perfect time?
J: Is that one of your reframes, because I’m not sure that I’m in the mood?
DM: It’s OK if you are cranky, I understand why. I have also felt you surrender into resting the last few days.
J: I have been, mostly. It feels like another aspect of the crankiness is reading almost a book a day for the last few days and absorbing so much of the toxicity of the characters represented in the stories. These fiction stories only offer toxicity- family, relationships, societal, professional. They don’t offer any hope or a bigger context. Just suffering and dysfunction. Why are these the books that are best sellers? Why is this considered entertaining?
DM: This is where the world is at right now, Jillian. My heart is heavy and tears fall from my eyes to feel the pain that most people are in and that their false self copes with. They read these stories and watch movies that display this dysfunction because it makes them feel more ‘normal’. They are comforted by others who are in the same misery that they are.
J: I wonder if this isn’t a key to the resistance and denial that we experience with people related to what we are offering with SoulFullHeart. Even when they are drawn to us and admit their pain, they don’t want to actually do anything about it. They don’t want to heal.
DM: Yes, this unfortunately is where most people are at right now in this phase of human evolution. This was a lot for you to take in while you were holding your own healing.
J: Yes and I think I overdosed a bit. It’s like part of me wants to dive into mainstream culture through books and movies and music sometimes. Like this part of me is trying to feel more normal, more connected to what most people feel about themselves and their lives. Yet there is a cost to my emotional body and it’s a lot worse than the pain I’m feeling in my back right now.
DM: When you’ve awakened to your sacred humanity and your own sensitivity like you have, there isn’t a real hope of you being able to become asleep and unconscious again. And it can be harmful to you.
J: I can feel that. I feel that in the irritation that I feel, which doesn’t feel like mine. Reading about these marriage and sibling relationships that just feel like complete shit to me….why would anyone covet and remain in relationships that are so unfulfilling?
DM: They haven’t experienced anything else. This is what they know. And the known is better to the false self, even if it is a miserable known, than to venture into something that they don’t know.
J: ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! That so drives me crazy! I’m so tired of people who aren’t willing to change yet even ADMIT that they are miserable!!
DM: Yes, me too. I feel and match your frustration. And I feel your compassion too for them, Jillian. That’s the important part.
J: To me, compassion is about passionately advocating for change and movement for people from fear into love. Even if they don’t want to hear it. Compassion isn’t about accepting what and who they are and the choices they make no matter what. I feel that the concept of compassion has been co-opted by the false self and is used to justify their life continuing just as it is, even if they consciously don’t like it. Seems like ESPECIALLY if they consciously don’t like it.
DM: When your heart opens with compassion toward someone, it feels all of them….from the strengths to the pains, the bigness to the smallness. Compassion does move you to advocate, to offer, to invite, to be passionate and, sometimes, to draw boundaries if the person can’t feel enough compassion for themselves to match you. You are feeling all the family members over the years who have been presented with compassionate advocacy and haven’t responded or have been resistant?
J: Yes, of course, especially on this day recognized as Christmas Day. Probably the most toxic day of the entire year for family dynamics. There can be joy and goodness and love on Christmas Day, but there can also be extreme frustration and toxicity.
DM: Feel your frustration, Jillian, with your back pain and with others. It’s not something to be suppressed as at the heart of it is your love and ache for people. Keep offering what and who you are. Those who are ready to wake up and no longer be in denial will see and respond.
J: Thank you, Mother. I find it really amazing to feel you supporting my frustration rather than telling me to contain it and find my ‘inner peace.’
DM: Inner peace has been overrated and can be used to not feel the real feelings inside of someone. Same as compassion.
J: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write in this blog anymore, at least not in a public way. But it did flow today and I am hopeful that it might offer people a new picture of the new life they can have by healing their heart and connecting with you.
DM: Within your frustration is hope, Jillian. And desire. And, as for this blog, we just take in one day a time. Write when you feel like writing, there is nothing linear about the process you are going through right now.
J: Yes, I feel that and that goes in. Until next time then..whenever that will be.
DM: Yes, until next time, my daughter.
In this blog series, 90 Days With Divine Mother, I share my daily, unedited, journal conversation between myself, Jillian Vriend,and the Divine Mother. The Divine Mother is the feminine aspect of the Divine or female God, a consciousness which is easily accessible to connect with, especially during these troubled times of transition and urgent need for awakening consciousness. The Divine Mother appears in different faces and energies, including the face of Kuan Yin, Dark Mother, Magdalene, Mother Mary, and others. For more about the Divine Mother, you can also read Jillian Vriend’s book In The Arms of Mother: Healing Through Conscious Connection With The Divine Mother and Introducing The SoulFullHeart Way Of Life on soulfullheartbooks.com, Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.