60 Days With Divine Mother: Day 42 – Healing The Cycle Of Toxic Matriarchy


Day 42

Since most women don’t have an intimate connection with me, they receive their primary modeling of ‘how to be a woman’ from their mothers, who received theirs from their mothers. This is a dysfunctional cycle, a generational toxicity of matriarchal expression that is unfelt, unacknowledged and, therefore, unhealed. 

Jillian: Good morning, Mother. I am feeling much better.

Divine Mother: Good morning, Jillian. I’m so glad! So what purpose did hurting your back serve for you?

J: I wasn’t open to that question yesterday, but I’d like to feel into that now.

One big purpose was that it slowed me down. I notice that when I do too much, I feel out of balance. When I’ve drawn injuries in the past, this is why. To slow me down, get me back in my body, connect me with my feelings again. As I talked about in this blog entry, body injuries and illnesses are connected to our emotions.

DM: Any other purpose to it?

J: Well, it feels like I am literally growing a new spine. A feminine spine that is rooted in you and your love. A spine that is rooted in my own worth and bigness and my desire to serve love to others. A spine that is sovereign and has healthy boundaries.

DM: Yes! You have felt how men need an energetic and emotional “king spine” in order to hold leadership with an open heart. Women have the same need in them. A woman’s spine is more responsive and pliable. And it is eager to wrap around the spine of a man who claims and loves and cherishes her.

J: This feels like a beautiful way to describe being a queen.

DM: A queen spine is an embodiment of sacred femininity in response to sacred masculinity. It can grow when a woman is not in a relationship, but it really expands and deepens when she is in one.

J: That feels controversial. That could be interpreted that you are saying a woman can only grow into her deeper spine and power with a man.

DM: I am offering that, yes. Much growth is possible and even necessary in a state of singleness, a phase of time that is sacred and important for a woman to feel her own independent alchemy and gifts expressing in the world. Yet, there is a ceiling on what she can experience of her true queen nature when she is alone. There are many women in relationships, however, that aren’t experiencing their queen nature at all but rather their wounded matriarch.

J: I’ve been wanting to talk with you about this because it feels like such a huge issue to me and one that I’ve experienced in myself over the years and in many others.

DM: The matriarch is the wounded aspect of the queen, driven by a need to control and not be vulnerable. Matriarchal tones can be expressed outwardly in an outbound driven expression that wants to rule over everyone, including their mate. Or they can be expressed in suppressed and subservient tones that withdraws love and presence and her heart from everyone, especially their mate.

J: I’ve experienced that there is a range there and most women vacillate between the two dynamics of expression. And that their matriarchal expression hugely depends on the template they received from their mothers.

DM: Since most women don’t have an intimate connection with me, they receive their primary modeling of ‘how to be a woman’ from their mothers, who received theirs from their mothers. This is a dysfunctional cycle, a generational toxicity of matriarchal expression that is unfelt, unacknowledged and, therefore, unhealed.

J: We’ve mentioned the ‘false self’ in this blog many times, yet I feel that the matriarch face of the false self is a very predominant one, one that women could relate with in themselves.

DM: Again, since most women are not receiving direct templating from me around how to be a queen woman and healthy mother and haven’t healed the wounding they experienced as daughters, the matriarch part of them tends to form early and strongly and deeply. I am passionate about offering healing to the strong matriarch wound in women.

J: I am too! It’s not an easy journey though, as it hasn’t been for me. I tended to reject the templating I received from my mother and we haven’t been in relationship for a few years now. I felt that it was a toxic inheritance that she received from her mother and so on and I wanted to end the cycle while I didn’t feel a correlating desire to heal in my mother. I wanted to experience something new both for myself and with my daughter. That’s one of the biggest reasons that I began my own healing journey over ten years ago. I consciously choose a new way even though I didn’t know what that new way would look like. Love for a child is a powerful motivator.

DM: It can be, yes. But love for a child can also be used by a matriarch or a patriarch (the unhealed king in a man) to justify abuse, codependence, stuckness, and toxicity. It is a very challenging road to draw being a parent and a priority on your own healing at the same time. I really acknowledge what you have done, Jillian, and your relationship with your daughter is the gift you receive from it.

J: My relationship with my daughter, who is almost 19 and living on her own while attending college, is so different than what I experienced with my mother that you almost can’t even compare them. There is a goodness and love flow between us, a mutual respect, that I didn’t have or receive. It felt to me, at the beginning of my healing journey, that I had no idea how to be a different mother although even from the moment my daughter was born, I was different. And my relationship with my husband at the time and her father, Christopher, was so different from what I’d been raised with too.

DM: That shows you how, even though the family conditioning is a strong influence, the true essence of anyone is ready and waiting to express, even if it receives only crumbs of love food and water in support.

J: It feels to me that any woman who has consciously desired to be a healed and healthy woman, mate, or mother is already on the path to becoming and embodying that. We offer in SoulFullHeart that only by getting to know and connecting with parts of herself, and especially her inner matriarch, can she truly and fully transform into her sacred feminine self. I feel this passionately and very deeply….that ANY woman can experience her sacred femininity if she is open to feeling the aspects of herself that have formed out of fear and wounding. And to let herself be felt by another woman who has walked this path as well. I’ve seen and experienced personally the depth of healing and radical transformation this process can bring. If a woman is truly ready for it.

DM: Yes, and I’ve witness this through you and others that you’ve served as well. And you have many more to serve, Jillian. You are a sacred feminine teacher and you are a offering a practical and truly efficient means for a woman to heal.

J: Thank you, Mother, I feel my passion rising as we talk about this. I desire to serve more women in the future and, in turn, feel how this serves their children and their mates.

DM: Continue to lead as you are, Jillian, by sharing your real self and your real life, both the struggles and the attainments. This is something difficult for an unhealed matriarch to do and it will call out the authentic self, in both women and men, to respond to it.

J: I feel that and, in the moment, it’s enough to keep going. More than enough.

DM: Good. Enjoy your day and your healing back.

J: Thank you, Mother. I love you.

DM: And I love you, my daughter and queen.

In this blog series, 90 Days With Divine Mother, I share my daily, unedited, journal conversation between myself, Jillian Vriend,and the Divine Mother. The Divine Mother is the feminine aspect of the Divine or female God, a consciousness which is easily accessible to connect with, especially during these troubled times of transition and urgent need for awakening consciousness. The Divine Mother appears in different faces and energies, including the face of Kuan Yin, Dark Mother, Magdalene, Mother Mary, and others. For more about the Divine Mother, you can also read Jillian Vriend’s book In The Arms of Mother: Healing Through Conscious Connection With The Divine Mother and Introducing The SoulFullHeart Way Of Life on soulfullheartbooks.com, Visit www.soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.

2 thoughts on “60 Days With Divine Mother: Day 42 – Healing The Cycle Of Toxic Matriarchy

  1. Some buttons just can’t be pushed unless someone else pushes them. I have so much more to lean into you about, Jillian. Mother too. Woman to woman healing feels magical to me and it has been magical in so many ways so far already. I find myself aching for more women to realize how much healing they need. I’m actually feeling in the moment that that kind of deep healing, in women alone, could really transform the world…

  2. Your words offer such a powerful opening for women to respond to. I hope that they will land in others as they have landed in Kathleen. Our daughter is a testament to the gift of this healing.

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