By Jelelle Awen
Eight years ago, I joined my intention to his….in the moment and for all moments that followed that would be in mutual desire and resonance. On some level, it all felt like a whirlwind….started dating in July and married by March (after knowing each other for a couple of years) having already moved through two major geography changes finally JUST settling in Canada when we married. And, the collapse of our whole social and spiritual world by leaving (being asked to leave, told to leave or not be together because we were deemed to ‘codependent’ although only together three weeks!) the spiritual group we had both been part of for three and four years.
Our courtship was the highest highs of desire moving through, my body calibrating to what it feels like to REALLY be wanted by a man and my heart letting in what it feels like to REALLY be cherised by a man. AS I was also going through a dark night of letting go of ALL the souls I had been close to for more than five years in the group. Ups and downs, bittersweet, and yet, always was he there for me, over and over, in complete devotion and utter eagerness to be together.
Those ups and downs have settled over the years as we found our way together through many changes and transitions yet, always, arising our way through it in union. We took our wedding rings off last year, feeling like it had been other parts of us (going by our birth names Wayne and Jillian) who had exchanged those rings even as the core of us was there. We felt so different after years of parts work, being in the crucible of sacred union together that had burnt away so many layers, letting go of incomes and geographies and just about everything there was to let go of other than each other.
We even felt that the significance of this day was a memory from the past and we were arising in the NOW together. Yet, I do feel in my heart a tenderness for this day, this anniversary, and where we were at that time and who we have been through the years and who we are arising into now as Raphael and Jelelle.
Our usness keeps expanding as we do and keeps vibrating at a higher frequency at all levels and in all areas – sexually, emotionally, spiritually. We are more and more connecting other lifetimes together (energizing NOW) such as in Atlantis (a couple of those) and also our star BEing aspects. Very little conflict between us, fewer words needed, more soul connection…
I feel we are counterpart souls to each other, which I prefer to the twin flame paradigm. I will be writing more about this in the future as it digests and arises for me and as I experience it deepen with Raphael. I can feel how our relationship could feel like a fantasy or idealized, yet it is not, it IS very real, and we have had to go through the dark together to illuminate the light and the love yet that was always there. We have had to commit to awakening and to our own personal process OVER everything else, including the relationship. The goodness overflow in a relationship can only deepen and grow if the partners are committed to their OWN growth first.
Being my counterpart, Raphael is like me yet NOT me and it is the beautiful blend of masculine and feminine that offers SUCH growth and mirror for our own inner union.
So I celebrate a love today that I am SO BLESSED to experience and have been so blessed to experience for these 8.5 years…..thank you to Raphael Awen my king, my BEloved, my cocreator, my love for sharing this life of serving love together.
Photo was taken on our wedding day eight years ago in a small studio apartment in West Vancouver….Ah newlyweds, although we are STILL like this!
By Raphael Awen
3 countries, 5 cities, a couple towns and and year and a half on an off grid ranch. Those are are bit of the outward journey of my 8 year marriage with Jelelle Awen. And it hasn’t stopped by any means…
Today is our 8 year anniversary! Happy Anniversary Beloved.
We didn’t set out to choose change for change sake, but rather to choose love and showing up for the rigours of relationship. At the outset, we knew the idea of hiding in any kind of ‘long distance relationship’ was not a question for us and that meant choosing between 2 countries, 2 career paths, etc. from the beginning. The epic choices to continually choose deepening love and to let go of the barriers to love continued, and continue to unfold right in this moment.
The place for settling and the need for some predictability have been met internally, rather than externally. Through finding, feeling and healing parts of ourselves who hold our resistance to love, we both have found a way, individually to live inside of a settled heart of love for ourselves, that only then are able to transact freely and deeply with each other. Quite surprisingly, this has made the external changes and choices arise quite naturally and navigably (if that’s a word). Even with me getting banned from the US at the border in 2009 and having to change our plans on a dime was met with a grace and a way through. We didn’t ‘have to’ leave country and career behind again in 2014, but the awareness was that another epic choice was right for us individually and as a couple. Our soul purpose deepening individually and our greatest adventure as a couple we knew lay in that choice. It was up to us. We could take it or leave it. We took it, and there hasn’t’ been a single regret.
We also knew from the outset and still know that we couldn’t make any kind of commitment to one another to ‘be there for each other no matter what.’ We couldn’t guarantee that then for each other and we don’t attempt that now. Our commitment to each other is predicated on our commitment to ourselves first.
I honour and celebrate this magical unfolding this day and every day as much as I am able. And, truth be told, and truth be tolled, it’s a tall order, and one I’m very glad to be tasked with…🙂
Happy Anniversary Beloved…
Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, soul scribe, wayshower, multidimensional bridge, lover of love and co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book, Becoming The NEW 5D Sacred Human. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions with her, group calls, videos, community, etc.