By Deva Yasmin
I could sense that the ‘Free To Be series’ was going to be a huge portal for me and my parts, I knew I was being invited into BIG shifts if I was ready to jump in. Sometimes there is only a sense of something that draws or calls you in, a knowing, this is going to be HUGE. The topics of each week somehow felt like they were designed to support me through what was next, the Divine knowing what was coming even as me and my parts did not. I did not want to miss the opportunity of expansion that I know continuously comes through the SoulFullHeart process, or being in the circle of BIG Souls that it draws too.
Yesterday’s group call felt like a tipping point for me personally, as a whole way of being has fallen away in the short 4 weeks this series has been going: a job, relationships including the one with my beloved mate (the best I have ever known), and a home, all being released to make way for more resonance in my life. It has been an intense few weeks and as I land in my NEW timeline, I sense the digestion of these recent events in my personal life are going to take some time to be understood and felt.
There are so many parts having various reactions, feelings and responses to what has happened, so many paradoxes being held. A theme that has run throughout the series; how we can all hold so many polarities and feelings within us at the same time, despair & desire, resonance & dissonance, death & rebirth…
As these themes have been felt, it has become so much clearer to feel the parts in push/pull within, and noticing how dynamics on the outside have been there for a while, trying to reflect to me the inner dissonance. There is a pace to this work that although very gentle especially when navigating trauma, accelerates our growth edges too. A pace that can seem intense at times to parts of us, which feels connected to the accelerated times of Earth we all find ourselves in. As more parts are felt, more clarity arises. As more is healed and cleared, more space for feeling desire is opened, and this feels SO new for my parts, feeling their desires – What???? Really!!! Being felt in what they desire, validated in their wants and needs through sessions, makes it very hard to stay in places that are no longer offering what they need in the same ways. This process can push up all that has gone unfelt as well, in order to maintain something that felt resonant for a time, or that held much resonance but is not transacting in all areas.
I was touched by the theme of dissonance/resonance in relationships, it felt so true for me that what I am moving towards is more resonance in relationships, in ALL areas. It was hard to track all that was offered, as my parts are so very much in the grief process of the breakdown of so much known and loved. I feel like I am now in a phase of needing to feel and digest why I have stayed in, be drawn to, and been in dissonance throughout my life.
This morning I felt in a deeper way my younger parts, Yazzy and Yasmin, how they are navigating the changes in our relationships. I could sense my Inner Mother coming in more to be felt too. I felt the dissonance between these parts, feeling how Yasmin my Inner Teenager does not trust my Inner Mother, feeling how she actually felt like the ‘Mother’ of Yazzy, my Inner Child, who needed to grow up quite early as a way of protection. To feel this dissonance within me is new ground for me, as I sense how much of that dissonance has been projected out onto my relationships, making it difficult to maintain resonance. I feel how I have actually been this dissonance, so how could I draw more resonance, even as parts of me have so wanted to.
It feels like certain dynamics in relationships keep these dynamics inside set in place with little space for other parts to be let in and met. It feels like this work offers such a solid, stable ground for parts to be felt and to move into the NEW, a process I could not have navigated this without. It feels like I have tried before, but without the integrity of feeling or the ability to draw on the gifts of these different parts of me to support me through the transition, it has been hard to move into the new.
I feel how my younger parts have been the ones holding so much responsibility that was never really theirs, trying to navigate and lead my life, work and relationships. I sense the growing connection with my Inner Mother. Feeling the disempowerment of not having her voice heard or validated will support me to let in NEW ways of being in relationship and drawing more resonance.
She feels like a key part actually, that will help Yazzy feel safe enough to let in all she actually desires. As I feel her tenderness and vulnerability around letting new relationships and timelines in, I feel her needing the maternal space-holding from within to feel safe. I feel the Inner Child and Teenager knowing the beauty they desire to let in, as they have the sensitivity to feel the vibrational frequencies of resonance that we have been longing for, it feels like. I feel how the pain of the old paradigm of being in relationships created the conditioning of accepting dissonance, staying in some kind of safety that breeds more of it rather than being taught ways to feel the INNER sanctuary of safety that can be created through the SoulFullHeart process. This anchors parts, giving the solid foundation within to mature and thrive, helping them step towards resonance in a world that can make parts feel so ungrateful for wanting more or judged for being ‘too much’.
When really these parts have never been ‘too much’ or asked for too much, they have just always felt that resonance is our birthright, to be with others who feel us, see us, get us. We have until now lived in a world that has wanted to keep our capacity for dreaming, visioning and joy to a minimum, it feels like, in case we became too FREE. As I write this it feels so perfect, so Divinely orchestrated that the current SoulFullHeart series is called ‘Free To Be’ as that is where I find myself at the moment, free to be, whoever and whatever I so desire, and dare to dream into reality. It is interesting to feel how scared some parts can feel of so much freedom that at the same time they deeply long for… another paradox.
Through this process full of paradoxes, Life is becoming a rainbow, a light spectrum of possibilities, of new experiences and timelines available to us all of more resonance. No longer does life have to be lived through the black or white lens we have been so used to.
This NEW magical, multi-faceted, multi-dimensional way of life is the frequency of resonance I am now ready to draw and am drawing through this process of parts work. It brings such a new richness to feeling ALL experiences, even the most painful and challenging ones such as relationships ending.
You can still join the ‘Free To Be’ series and purchase the recordings of the groups call so far here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe
Much Love to you all in these times of navigating so much change and letting go.
Deva Yasmin is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc