By Raphael Awen
Can we be okay with not knowing?
We’ve been so conditioned to seek and value explanation, and to prize knowledge, which of course in turn calls for defending that knowledge, because god forbid, our precious knowledge should ever be subjected to challenge. We make a false god out of knowing.
What if there is a whole bunch we’re not meant to know and don’t need to know? What if real aliveness and learning is about how much you can be okay with not knowing?
I can always feel and detect within, coming from parts of me, a deep desire to know so much more, to perceive more, more accurately. This feels like personal power to parts of me. With more knowledge, I can feel better about myself, being assured of a good outcome. I have the truth.
As I write these words, I feel something coming from beyond the world of knowledge. It’s something I can neither prove or defend, or even know in the way I know things in the normalized way.
That something tells me I AM the truth. In the core essence of my being, I was not only born of truth, I AM carried by truth. Were it not for the truth that I AM, I would not have one wit of consciousness to even hold this question. I AM also, however, forgetfulness that is returning to truth. Both are true and occurring simultaneously.
I AM the greatest thing that ever occurred on the face of the planet masquerading as a poorly clothed beggar.
This I AM is something we all share. There is only one ‘I’, so no worries on getting your share. The share is entirely yours, and mine too.
I saw a story that made the news this week of a billionaire who dressed up as a street person asking for help, and to anyone who helped, he paid their rent or mortgage for the month. We are like that billionaire, having got so used to having it all and not knowing how the rest of the world lives, that we not only faked our poverty like this man did, but actually dropped completely into the role by forgoing and forgetting our knowledge of our real identity and birthright.
We chose to not know. From this place of not knowing, any piece of remembering who and what we truly are, that comes to us, comes to us with so much expansion of our being, so much reverence, so much alive curiosity and wonder.
Reverence, curiosity and wonder are all things that live in the realm of admitting you don’t know.
Take everything you think that you know, and subject that knowing to the deeper questioning of that knowing (who, what, why, where, when, etc.) the way a child does, and you come back quickly to the realm of not knowing, the realm of being utterly at a loss for explanation.
This returns you to your vulnerability, your aliveness, your loving and breathing of life.
Having said all that, I must admit, I really don’t know if it’s true, but it’s the best I can tell and it feels good!
(The pic below is from Jelelle’s and I’s adventure to a Mary Chapel near Arganil, Portugal yesterday.)
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.