Most of my life a part of me felt that being ‘right’ was analogous to being ‘good’. If I did my due diligence of research then I could find myself on the moral high ground away from the “shit-slinging”. I would be the righteous one and therefore immune from judgement.
In that mental, moral high ground I had to pack some things in my shadow to make it all work. I had to hide another part of me that wanted to sling the shit as there was good reason to do so! The ‘enemy’ could not be allowed to get away with their volleys of crap that they were hurling on the collective battleground. My intellectual righteousness hid my social and spiritual warrior that knew a war game was being waged.
At some point that warrior came out and had his day in the sun. Yet, in the end, the energy didn’t ultimately feel like me nor did it feel sustainable and desirable. But it was real. It helped me understand where so many are coming from in this volatile drama being played out.
So there is something that is looking for balance and integration. A place where reason, intuition, and vulnerable expression get to be married and partnered, not conflicted or suppressed. This is not an easy thing to do, yet feels like an evolution for me personally that doesn’t let any part of me get hijacked or hidden, but rather seen, felt, and heard, even if it is just within me and my beloved community.
I don’t need to be ‘right’ anymore. I don’t need to be seen in the way a part of me has needed to in the past. I feel closer to the Divine and my beloveds and that brings me the gift to just be real with whatever is going on inside of me. The gift to allow my own soul’s intuition, my mind’s understanding, my heart’s desires, parts’ needs, and the Divine’s guidance.
There is peace in that state. A trust that I, and we, are all held in this ongoing dilemma of ascension we have all chosen to be a part of one way or another. I continue to free myself from the matrix of suffering, guilt, and righteousness and anchor into that which is real, beautiful, alive, and courageous. I hope and pray that others will choose the same for themselves. It is this inner resolution that seeds the outer revolution.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.