By Raphael Awen
The farther we journey from source, the greater is our return to source where we are enabled to experience it for the first time.
This is the homecoming that you and I are now in, even as parts of us feel like the separation is growing.
It’s no longer the separation that’s growing, but rather your awareness of it that is increasing.
This week has been marked for me with another reunion with my Divine Orphan self that was triggered by some arising life circumstances, inviting the conditioned-to-this-life parts of me to feel and see this divine orphan self. I’m finding the beholding of this part again to be so moving and deeply rewarding, that answers the deeper questions at hand about the feelings of separation.
We were all initiated out of divine source into experience itself, and this experience needed to begin with what was not source. All of the fears, anxieties and depression we carry hearken back to our being birthed out of our divine bliss/oneness/source essence.
In this, we all were implanted with a great core wound, a wound that would underlie everything we would come to label as neurosis, things wrong with us. All of our attachments and quarrels within and without stem from this wound. But this pain and burden we carry is not only a wound that hurts, it is also an opening, a portal back, back to our true essence.
Your true essence is not conditioned by the conditionings of fear and lack that were needful for the experience journey. Your essence hasn’t participated here in the hijacked, 3D, matrixed, realm. Your essence remained untouched and protected from all of that.
The godhood you long for, you actually still possess and never lost. You just took on the experience of forgetting and of losing. In experience, you did lose divine connection and it hurts like the hell that it is. In essence though, you never lost a single thing. You are both experience and essence. More correctly, you are essence that took on experience.
You set out not to discover faraway lands, but to leave the land of your origin, so that you could return to it and discover it for the first time. As essence, you couldn’t know or feel or appreciate that essence and bliss. Bliss was left wanting to be known and felt and experienced. It was a risky endeavor, but your soul and the divine’s decided to fund this great discovery journey into reverence, awe and wonder.
As the increasing awareness of this separation rumbles in your life, you feel a fever pitch of everything coming apart at the seams. Everything you’ve worked so hard for to make experiential life bearable or even good comes now at this stage to be found to be not enough. In reaction, you may work harder as I have on gratitude and whatever other host of self-prescriptions to attempt to right your relation-ship with life, only to find they are not at all effective like they were before.
What the hell is happening?
You are beginning the return part of your journey home. You are sailing in the opposite direction. You are returning from where you came and the way you came. The return voyage has been negotiated through many lifetimes and so many experiences and you are ready now, equipped and prepared for the return.
The conditioning of lack and scarcity that you onboarded in your journey into experience is still here, and at times feels strangely and troublingly magnified. But this is all to be expected as you are called to feel and reconcile all the parts of you that are adjusting to returning to source – such a different experience than journeying away from source.
Now, you begin to get a sense of how sacred this forgotten core wound opening is. It is the one thing that would guarantee your return to divine source experientially. Your messed-up-ness is actually your perfection expressing and calling out to you. Each arising pain and ache is an intrinsic part of the ongoing guidance as you restore to each part of you the pieces of their birthright that they are ready to feel.
Your preferences for pleasure over pain are a key part of your being human and of restoring your humanity with your divinity. You are invited not to bypass them any longer in the name of some kind of medicative spiritual practice. You chose to experience. You chose to want and to need. Those wants and those needs will need to be courageously owned and embraced if this voyage is to be completed successfully and on time (and in time).
As you witness the great fever pitch of insanity unfolding around you, ask yourself if you can think of any greater contribution to such a distress call than that of saving yourself, deeply choosing and embracing your own return journey home.
As you continue your return journey home as one being, you are reminding the oneness that we all are and share of this remembrance journey. Those around you in the forgetting phase will need your example when the time of their remembering comes, just as you needed it from others.
May we each embrace the perfection that we are amidst all that seems and feels so imperfect. May we set up a heart home with a great hearth of the warmth that will allow the fullest remembering.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.