I felt to digest the ongoing Deepen video series that is hosted by my mentors and beloved soul friends, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, from my own personal experience. The second video of this series is on the Emotional Body, which can be found here:
Before I started working with Jelelle and Raphael 10 years ago I would definitely say that my emotional body was in a pretzel. I tried many practices to get me to breathe, meditate, and move energy. Regardless of what I did I found that the reoccurring depression, frustration, and anxiety were not really being addressed in a fundamental way.
As a child I was very emotional both in sensitive and aggressive ways. I would cry a lot as a young boy and then I moved into anger and temper. As I got older I would use alcohol as a means to manage this emotional turmoil. I never felt very safe to address this with my parents as they too had there own emotional turmoil going on.
I eventually went to therapy briefly to get to some root of it but I was mostly given coping mechanisms and strategies. As I started my journey with sessions, I found many places inside of me where emotional energy was being stored by parts of me at different times of my life. By holding this energy as a part of me rather than an unknown influence over me, I began to have a bigger sense of where these emotions were coming from and what was triggering them.
I had always had a hard time being vulnerable. There was a deep lack of trust and safety to bring out more of the hurt as well as the rage. There was a lot competing for attention inside of me and it became overwhelming. The emotions would surge and I needed a way to deal with them. As a boy growing up I did not really have the modelling of healthy expression and acceptance for what I was really feeling.
This kept me in a fairly immature state as a man even as I had so much responsibility as a teacher and a father. I found ways to stuff things away so that I could be the Good Guy, Teacher, Father, Son, and Friend. Eventually, the dam had to break and I found myself in some deep depression and needed a way to digest all of this emotional backlog.
Since I began my inner journey, I have been able to address many of those emotional issues inside of me. I was able to connect and relate to parts of me that held so many emotional frequencies. I was able to feel their pain as well as their needs. I began to be more honest as well as create more boundaries to protect and cultivate more love for myself and these inner parts of me. This led me to many courageous choices that was previously unlike me.
I continue on that journey of increasing vulnerability, authenticity, transparency, and intimacy. I feel my river of emotion is more stable, more open to real-time fluctuations that are rooted in the moment rather than suppressed, and held in self-worth and care for others. It is an ongoing process that is now more untangling soul themes more than this-life circumstances.
If any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend you check out the video link above and take in the teaching and meditation. It may provide a going on place for you in your desire to heal the emotional vibrations and issues that may live inside of you. This is especially a difficult one for men and even the masculine in women. I hope it serves you in any way it is meant to.
Here is to the beginning of a New Year of inner health that starts in the Heart.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc