Last night I helped a beautiful heart and soul sort out some deep reactions to a soulmate of theirs. When you are on the outside of it and not taking ‘sides’, you can really get to the root of an issue pretty quickly with compassion, curiosity, and a little bit of loving challenge.

But when you are the one in it, well, that is a different story. It is hard to see all the ‘blind spots’ or what we would call a ‘fusion’. I know these all too well in my years in and out of sacred romance. We get caught in our woundedness and things take on a whole new meaning to the part(s) of us fused to that wounding.

We see, feel, and hear things differently. We don’t feel ourselves and we don’t see the Other as themselves. It is a fusion/projection soup that distorts our reality and keeps us from the deeper vulnerability of what lies underneath. I have been at the mercy of this situation many times.

It is so hard to turn the corner on it by yourself. Not impossible but very challenging. Many times we need that outside reflection, query, and loving challenge to see what is happening in a larger context. It does need to be held by one that you trust to be heartfully honest as well as insightful. Now, we may not be ‘right’ all the time, but the deeper trust is that if something is off, there is enough integrity to own it and be responsible to it.

It is one thing to do it as a third-party, but quite another to do it in real time relationship. This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to our deeper growth and healing. I still have a lot to learn and meet within myself when it comes to sacred intimacy. I am humbled and amazed by those that are in the thick of it, or covet it as their spiritual and healing path.

Between my own experiences and those I have been honored with providing space for, I get to see and feel where I too have been hiding my own vulnerability as well as my truth. We may be so good at reading out that the vulnerability takes a back seat. It is no small task to turn that one around where the tender heart leads and the intuitions follow. That is where we meet our humanity and our sanity.

I learned a lot from this exchange and my personal experience. I learned that women are amazing and brave at working through their emotions and finding their way to the heart. It is hard-wired in them somehow. For us men, it is more like a software program that we are still trying to suss out the deeper code and integrate it into our internal ‘Mother’ board. I believe we are doing the best we can with what we have even if it seems we are not trying at all.

I have also learned that we are just scratching the surface of what it means to be authentically and relationally human. I am getting how spirituality is our container and context, while our relational humanity is our teacher and playground. We are but kindergartners on this path we call ‘ascension’. This somehow makes me feel a humbled compassion for all that we have been through and all we have yet to learn and arise into.

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Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.