The Giving Season In The Real Age

The holiday season is here in full force. We have many religious traditions, the winter solstice, and the turn of a new year and decade approaching. There is much anticipation of what is to come on so many levels. So many predictions and possibilities. We are awash with potential and demand at the same time.

In all of this it is easy to lose track of our selves. The parts of us that can get buried in it all. This can be a very magical time if we can take the time to slow it all down. What is that you really want if you were to be totally honest with yourself?

Now that may seem counter to the Giving Season. You ‘should’ be focused on others. Your loved ones and those that are less fortunate. It is not the others that I take issue with, it is the ‘shoulding’. That shoulding, if it exists, does not dispense or seed genuine Love at its core.

When you feel a genuine and authentic love for yourself, and all the parts of you that have been in shadow and hiding, then you bring something real to the Giving. You bring something that is not laced with guilt, duty, or obligation. It is free and flowing.

My purpose here is to bring an awareness to our giving as well as our intending, not to diminish it. What I want for all of us this coming year is a personal journey of self-love that can authentically overflow to those we come in contact with formally or informally. It is the internal combustion engine of our heart-centered alchemy.

There is a lot of hope that next year will ‘be the year’. We can hold that intention while we continue to do the work today. Right now. In this moment. That daily promise to yourself and all of your parts is what seeds that global transformation. Send love globally while you give love locally.

May this holiday season be a catalyst for your own personal evolution and arising. May the lovelight of consciousness find all of the places where we all need it the most in our shadow. Only then can the bells ring for the dawn of the Real Age.

Love to you this season.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Secret Worlds Colliding: The Reunion Of The Inner Masculine and Feminine

Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world, we were colliding
All the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

-Peter Gabriel, Secret World

The past 2 weeks I have been in mourning. Continuing to let go of my relationship to my former wife, healing companion, and soul-growth partner. This has brought me to many tears and awarenesses of who I was and have been in relationship to intimacy and romance. I have felt a closing off of my heart and a difficulty going into the core of my fear. This was a merging and fusion to my wounded inner masculine that has been on guard for most of my life.

He has been a wall builder and a camouflage artist. I do not say that with judgement, but with compassion and gratitude as I understand why. So much coming to light about how much he had to create a Secret World in order to protect my inner feminine, my sensitive heart. Fortunately it never became so hardened that I couldn’t fall in love, but it was the eventual shut-downs and push-aways that extinguished any fire that once burned hot.

I was guided in session to connect with this guarded inner masculine (i.e. Inner Protector) to feel what the walls were hiding and protecting. The walls were initially very formidable, yet were covered with foliage which suggested life. Underneath there was moisture which suggested a porosity. I found a doorway that led to another set of walls, only this time thinner and more shrub-like. It appeared as a maze or labyrinth.

As I continued, I heard a sweet song being sung with a feminine voice. I was lead to a river bank where a beautiful woman stood washing clothes. I was immediately taken to a timeline of a military man returning home from a long tour of duty, ashamed of how long he had been away and a fear that the woman he once loved may never forgive him because he had never forgiven himself.

While this felt specific, it was also symbolic. The inner masculine having been doing its ‘duty’ for so long that he had created a Secret World to protect Her. His beloved counterpart that he had almost forgotten about in the day to day fear of being seen and witnessed as lonely, tired, and unforgivable. He could feel alone, but not his loneliness.

That feels like the crux of the wounded masculine. Feeling his genuine and vulnerable loneliness. His missing of the feminine. His forgotten aspect hidden in the depth of the psyche and heart. A man’s true journey, I am realizing, is this journey back to Her and the transparency of the Secret World he has created. The walls burn down and the Emperor wears no clothes.

It is in this space that new connection arises. She takes her space next to him. She sparks the fire and warms the hearth. Helps him to thaw from the journey of the cold and the hiding. He shakes and quivers, but is held by her. He releases and dies from what was, reimagining what could be. He may still build walls, for it was all he has known to do, but She will be there to help bring them down with love in her heart. To remind him again of the journey he took to find her once again. No longer a secret world, but an open world where only real love and truth reign.

I wanted to share this as an example of what this work can lead us to inside of ourselves. As a facilitator, I am in need of healing too. I am not perfect. Just human. A man that has chosen a path of confronting the very thing parts of him fear the most. Real Love. No matter how hardened or disconnected we become, we are always in reaction this force within us that will not be denied for it is our essence and destiny to let it reign. It is the very power that we seek as humans, only to have misinterpreted what that power really is. It is my desire and calling to serve and share that with the world.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Invisible, Imperishable Good Stuff

“In the external scheme of things, shining moments are as brief as the twinkling of an eye, yet such twinklings are what eternity is made of — moments when we human beings can say “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I forgive you,” “I’m grateful for you.” That’s what eternity is made of: invisible imperishable good stuff.” – Fred Rogers

Mr. Rogers is one of those unforgettable beings in our lifetime who touched a place within us that is The Eternal. No matter what gender, race, or creed, Fred Rogers held the light of wonder, mystery, fantasy, and our heart-open reality. His love of Innocence from the heart of a child is what he will forever be known for.

It was the child in us all that he was speaking to. We could easily get caught up in watching him with our children as intently as they did. It was his genuineness and his integrity that was alien to us. The character in the movie who was tasked to cover Mr. Rogers even said, “This man cannot be real. There is a story here.”

Yet it was his desire to feel and help others to feel that made him so real. He made feeling the most essential part of our existence next to joy and imagination. His advocacy of kindness and compassion should never be forgotten.

We can carry that light he brought to the world week in and week out by being kind and compassionate to ourselves. Give space to the parts of us that feel hurt, scared, angry, anxious, depressed, disempowered, guilty, etc. They make up that Make Believe Land inside of us. That is what the puppets represented…parts of Fred Rogers.

When we begin to honestly care for these parts of us, can we genuinely bring that to the world and offer that love to others through the heart-eyes of our inner child. This is the continued work. Regain that connection to the magic and joy that has never left us but has only been sequestered. The Eternal part of us that can always be accessed by hearing “I love you”, “I am proud of you”, “I forgive you”, and “I’m grateful for you”.

In loving honor of Fred Rogers. A real hero of heart.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

A Decade Later, A Decade To Come: Healing, Integration, and Embodiment Of Your ‘Future’ Self

Completing a decade provides a powerful crossroads of what was, what Is, and what wants to Be.

I have been noticing a lot of people posting pics of themselves from a decade ago compared to today. While there are these noticeable physical differences, what is really happening is an INventory and a chronicling of where each of us has gone energetically, emotionally, and spiritually in the past decade.

While I don’t seem to have any pics from a decade ago due to a lot of movement and misplaced storage, I did feel to tap into the ‘me’ of a decade ago and feel what has shifted and what remained. Not so much a ‘self-improvement’ analysis, but more of a curiosity of things that still need my attention and heart space.

The most apparent thing to me when I feel back to those days is how fragmented and scattered I felt inside. I felt like multiple selves vying for a turn at the wheel of my destiny. A lot of frustration, depression, unfulfillment, and anxiety. I was still drinking but to a lesser degree and partaking occasionally in drug use and smoking. I was obsessed with politics and the threat of the ‘New World Order as a fascist overtaking of Liberty’ while feeling completely disconnected to Spirit and The Divine. It was very lonely and confusing time inside of me.

Ten years later I can feel myself much more unified, or becoming more unified. I have ventured inward enough to reclaim this scattered parts of me into closer proximity to each other and to this being named Gabriel. All of the reactions toward life have become more assuaged and held with care and love. I feel myself looking at the news as if I am looking at grand play curious to how it will all resolve while feeling more resolution within myself. The anxiety has lessened and been replaced by wonder.

Of course there are still threads that lie under the surface of this continued process. They are my going on places. My relationship to transparency, intimacy, leadership, romance, and my galactic amnesia. This is the INventory. The base tones of my intentions going forward. They are my daily meditations. What do I still have yet to feel and uncover to bring these more into healing and activation and less in hiding and shadow? They are my portals into the next decade.

If I were to have set intentions ten years ago, I can say I hit the mark on some but not on others. I looped on some things the last decade but made progress on others. It is seeing it holistically where compassion and motivation intersect. No judgement. Just discernment and activation. I do not want to be the same person tomorrow I was yesterday. This is a path laid with passionate self-love and not desperate self-improvement.

I recommend this exercise. It is illuminating and inspiring. If judgement comes up, then recognize that as a part of you to get to know. To become intimate with as a collaborator and not a conspirator. There is a lot to understand and feel from their point of view and it also helps to move them into the New with a different role. More of a guide. If you can feel the growth and hard-earned transformation than take the time to celebrate that and be grateful for it all.

Next you can project into the next decade and see what version of ‘You’ comes to your awareness. What would this person look and feel like if this current INventory was healed and integrated? That Self is a beacon and a guide as well. What would they have you do and feel each and everyday to embody them in those moments. Not by force but by care. It will still be challenging because that is when you know you are facing the edges of your fear and it is confronting that fear that transforms you and permits the embodiment of this future self.

As always, there is help and support along the way. I wouldn’t be here without it. So when you feel that need, seek it wherever it feels the most aligned to who you are in that moment. There is a sea of Love out there ready for your courage to take the journey even deeper.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Inner Family As A Tapestry Of The 3D Self

This morning tears flowed as I connected with my Inner Mother. The part of me that has been imprinted with the energy, fears, and cares of my birth mother as well as an archetypal wounded mother I referred to in a previous post as The Devouring Mother.

As with all archetypes, they are larger-than-life energies that can have our way with us unless they become more personalized and intimate. I sat down this morning to connect with my own Inner Mother named after my birth mother. As a man this can take some time as it is a bit of a dissonance relating to any feminine part, especially if it is your birth mother.

The gift in it though is a deep realization how much She has been a subtle, and not so subtle, influence in our lives. I got to feel where her deepest pains have lain and how those have been a place of my own inner conflict and turmoil. I held the space for her to express her sorrow, her fear, and her longings. It was just as much self-to-self as it was from me to my mom on a higher plane of relationship that we just cannot have consciously right now.

I felt how much she held onto and burdened herself with. How much as a boy and a young man I tried to assuage and bring some goodness to her life by doing well in school, making good choices, and keeping her as worry-free as possible unless the rebel had enough and chose otherwise. Always a push-pull to be individuated and mated to Mother at all times.

In all my time on this path I never fully went into this inner relationship. It was always external. I had processes with my Inner Child, Teenager, Sister, and Father but not in depth with Mother. This feels analogous to the level of bind that we had together. Once I drew a tighter boundary with her on the outside the more of panic mode she got on the inside.

This helped to have her collapse into my heart space once and for all. Once we both realized that she was the last inner family member I felt all my other parts come into the space and it was like a family reunion of this life wounding that could finally embark on integration. Deep tears flowed as this feeling filled my Inner Mother and my thus my body. She was accepted for all she IS, wounded or not.

This is where I realized that our 3D self is a tapestry of this inner family, all wrapped up our birth name. For me that name is Chris. He is the sum of those parts and now so much greater. I feel him ready to walk into the sunset of death and rebirth into the 4th dimension, wherever that leads him. Not an overnight journey but one that gets to be on the move now that my Inner Mother is back Home. In my heart. Where she has always wanted to belong.

Unachored, Re-membered, and ready for the Metasoul.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing The Shadow During The Great Revelation

We are clearly in the times of The Great Reveal.

From the impeachment hearings, to Wikileaks, to Epstein/Prince Andrew, to #MeToo, to countless other revelations and movements, the Shadow of Humanity is coming into collective consciousness and focus.

This is not about good guys vs. bad guys. Who is right and who is wrong. It is about Shadow. They have it. We have it. You have it. It is a time when that which is churning beneath the surface can’t help itself to come out. It needs to in order to heal this whole drama we have co-created for ourselves.

This is what The Apocalypse is really about. It is the exposure and burning away of that which is not Real and not Love. Not Real Love. The only judgement that will come of it is the way we relate to it. The Great Judger lies within. How we feel and react about what is coming to light is an indicator of how we are relating to our own shadow.

If Love is to be birthed from these epic times, it must be applied to all that we are going to witness. That compassion comes from how we ultimately feel about our own Darkness. I have become acutely aware of the depths of my own shadow and darkness.

It is not fun, but it is there. I have to be willing to take responsibility for it, find my compassion for it, and transmute it into Love and Empowerment. Not Shame and Rage. This only brings each of us into the well of what is called Hell.

This Shadow Darkness is not a bad thing. It is a harbinger of Light. It can be felt in many forms inside of you from anger, to depression, to anxiety, to a neutral flatness even. It is anything you intuitively feel is NOT love. This is what is coming to you to be held and felt.

It sounds like a zombie movie or something, but it is really Love making its way. How you process that is how this Love can come to do Good in the world. It can transform more than your 3D self feels it can actually affect.

Now it is a death and rebirth cycle, so don’t expect that there will be no hard choices to make or things to feel and remember. But you can bring compassion to the process that helps to birth the Love Baby into your heart and body, personally and collectively.

We are here to serve this birthing both within ourselves and with others. This is why we elected to be here at this time. This both a time of Revelation and Transformation. We get to choose the outcome of this Great Drama. With Love or with Fear.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Devouring Mother And The Healing Of The Wounded Masculine

Over the past couple of days I have been digging deep into my fear of intimacy. This was brought up by a recent situation with my beloveds where I was not forthcoming with details that I choose to keep private for now. The theme was about not trusting those that care deeply about me and are close to me. A projection of rejection and maybe even judgement on top of a rebellious undercurrent to feel myself as independent and sovereign.

As deep hurt was expressed by my push away and hiding, I could feel the walls harden around my heart. Feeling a need to not go into what used to be shame spirals. I could not feel myself as separate from it. I was The Wall. Even a voicing of a need to possibly not being a part of community in order to feel my sovereignty. A deep rebellion wanting to have its way.

The rest of the day I needed to feel my push away. This need for my masculine to seek independence from the feminine, albeit invulnerably. This voice needed to have its say. Its resistance. But as I felt more through the night, I knew this was not fully me. Not the totality of my being. As a facilitator, I knew that there is so much more to this, but I had stumbled on something quite powerful and inevitably archetypal.

Later, I heard the term “Devouring Mother” as an feminine archetype. It exploded a whole “new” awareness inside of me. I had recently just drew a further boundary with my biological mother right after a profound session about her very influence on me. As I released that dynamic even further it allowed this archetypal energy to flood my psyche subconsciously. I began to feel more distant and less open to intimate gatherings and connection. The sleeping giant of my repressed masculine was waking, as well as his relationship to the feminine via ‘Mother’.

When being given a choice to go against that communal feminine intimacy I fused to this wounded masculine need to rebel and push away. This is when I could feel the projection of the ‘Devouring Mother’ onto my beloveds. How can Sovereignty live side by side with Intimacy? This is what I wrote about earlier in a recent post about the inherent insanity of a man’s need to individuate from Mom while at the same time returning the bosom of The Mother at the same time. It is fucking maddening!

What I could feel was how my Inner Protector created a wall around this ‘Independence’ from Mom. Fuck all that would try and ‘take’ that from him after just feeling like he gained it. I put all those words in quotes because it is all a dynamic happening within and being projected out. I, Gabriel, could only fuse to the reaction to the projection. I got lost in what Jung called a Constellation. A watershed of unconscious and subconscious reaction.

In this greater understanding of this conflict between Mom and uninitiated son, I could feel how it is all being played out on the inside. The ‘Devouring Mother’ IS my Inner Mother. An inherited version of her inside of me. By taking her out of the Realm of Archetype and placing her as a part of me, I can begin to have a relationship to her that isn’t so freakin’ massive. I get to feel her needs and her fears of intimacy and of losing me as a validation of her own reason to Be. She is another version of the wounded feminine within the masculine that has great importance for us all as men on this spiritual quest and desire for empowerment, joy, liberation, and union.

For me it is a HUGE revelation and one that is just a starting point on this journey of selves-discovery that leads to Self-realization. We cannot ignore the depths to which our mothers play in our male psyche and emotional body. This internalized aspect of her leads us to a more authentic version of our masculinity, our relationship to intimacy with Other, and the Divine Mother Herself.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

11/11: What Do You Declare As You Enter Into The New?

Happy 11/11 Day!

This feels like a very significant portal day on so many levels. I guess I feel each one is significant depending on what we choose to put into it. Our intention sets the stage. Sets the wheels in motion on the other side.

One thing is for sure, what has not served us before will certainly not serve us going forward. So this is a day to decide what must be left on this side of border. When you enter another country, you have to declare what you are bringing with you. What have you packed with you that you are claiming as you enter?

What you bring emotionally/energetically into the New, can easily become the Old again as it attracts that dynamic, whether it is fear, scarcity, unworth, despair, or anxiety. You can intend on leaving it behind with daily prayer and mantra. That helps to keep mindful of what you DO want and what you DON’T.

But there is also a part of you that holds that energy and needs more than mindfulness. It needs heart presence. It wants to feel connection and companionship. It needs to feel a relationship more than just awareness. So what you can leave at the border is the looping and declare your healing. Once and for all.

This is a Reclamation Day. A Phoenix Rising Day. A Remembrance Of What And Who You Really Are Day. It is the deeper claim of healing, of journey, and intention. As with all growth, there are times when you must let go of all that has weighed you down and prevented your arrival at the Gates of Glory. Today you have only a small backpack or briefcase.

What will you take with you?

What do you intend on leaving behind?

What do you declare as you cross this threshold into a higher timeline?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

11/11 Gateway: Intention, Intimacy, Indivuation, & Intuition

When I closed my eyes this morning, my intention was to feel this upcoming 11/11 gateway. I found myself walking on a path that approaching 4 massive Sequoia trees, 2 lined up on either side of the path. A gateway if I ever saw one. As I got closer to them I could see a word mounted on each one. Each of them started with the letter ‘I’ which I took to represent the number one…of course.

The first word was ‘Intention’. This made sense. What is my intention as I enter this gateway? For as we enter any gateway, the universe responds to what we intend. It wants to know me, you, and all of us more intimately. Our intentions pave the way going ‘forward’ if you will and helps us define an end place, even if we don’t end up there.

My intention entering this gateway is to continue to let go of all the ways in which I have kept myself from feeling and expressing my authenticity.
Who am I in my naked essence?
What leadership is still latent and ready to come onto the scene?
How far down the rabbit hole of my BEing can I shed light on and bring that light into my waking, physical reality?

The second word was ‘intimacy’. I understood that in my heart as “Into me see”. It is about being transparent with what is current in my Being. It is about getting naked with myself and others. Becoming more fluent with my emotional body, my needs, my wants, my fears, and my power. Intimacy is a scary place for our hidden and protected parts. The places that have been comfortable in the safety of anonymity. It is a dance with Trust that brings this nakedness out into the light. I feel one of the biggest fears we all have is that of being seen, even as parts so desperately want to be. Enter the Inner Protector.

The third word was ‘individuation’. This may be more personal to me, yet I do feel how this is something all of us are working on as we make our way through this dimension. In the quest for authenticity and intimacy, we are confronted with the ways in which we have conformed or molded ourselves to be in relation to a particular frequency or relational bind, whether it be social or familial. This search for Self is the search for individuation from what doesn’t feel like us in our essence. It is also a search for tribe that aligns but not remold our uniqueness. This is felt with all the parts of us (Inner Child/Teenager, Protector) that have their own reaction to this unachoring.

The last word was ‘intuition’. This continues to be one that I am leaning into. This inner knowing that feels like connecting more to the feminine within us all. This intuition sees what is not seeable. It knows what is unknowable. It is like following a leaf in a windstorm…you may have no idea where it is leading you until you eventually arrive. It is the essence of intuition to Trust. To go forth against the inertia of common sense while still remaining sensical. My intuition may take me places my Protector/Gatekeeper may have questions about and that is where I get to learn about who I really am and this brave new world I am ready for.

This feels like a powerful gateway into our next Next. Our new New. All of this is navigable with self-love as we feel all the parts of us in agreement, in resistance, in confusion, and in fear. With this inner connection to all parts of our being we are given the keys to the rocket ship that is made to take us Home.

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Journey Of The Ascending Masculine: Sometimes You Have To Be The ‘Bad Guy’ In Order To Be The ‘Real Guy’

A man’s emotional maturation and spiritual journey inevitably comes to a crossroad with his relationship to his mother.

I write about this today because I was recently contacted by my own mother and could feel the old energies of guilt and shame that underlied the old dynamic between us and within her. These were very subtle and yet not so subtle energies.

On the outside, or from another consciousness, one would view me as an awful son for drawing my boundaries I did years ago and choosing not to communicate unless we were in a similar transactional frequency. This recent message was a clear indicator that nothing much has changed.

The timing was auspicious as well as I had just had a process not just a few days ago where I felt more residual energies in my emotional and psychic bodies in regards to my mother and how her wounding affected me as a young boy and have lived in me through my inner child and inner teenager.

These frequencies of guilt and shame are huge energetic anchors that serve no one’s growth yet are portals into that very thing. The process was to say no more to those frequencies and to feel the part of me that needed to be a bit matter of fact about how it all made him feel growing up.

This is a big part of any man’s journey. Saying no more to what has lived between us and our mothers that has not been healthy. These can be really subtle the more you keep going in, especially when you are in an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. There is stuff that has a very long shelf life unless we keep up the conscious exploration within.

The dichotomy of a man’s journey is that he needs to seek individuation from mom while entering The Mother at the same time. Moving from one womb to another. This can be a bit of a maddening process and one that I want women to have a perspective on to understand what this is like for the men in their lives. Not and excuse, mind you, just an understanding.

Sometimes this individuation process can come while in proximal relationship to our mothers, and other times it is just not possible. Some of the triggered responses can be how we could do such a thing to someone who did all they could for us and gave birth to us. Therein lies the trap. The guilt and shame.

I am grateful for all my mother did for me, and even in this process, continues to do so. However, birthing does not give permission to retain a free pass into my emotional body. It prevents any of us from arising into the man we ARE and having the kinds of sacred unions with women that no longer perpetuate this dynamic.

Sometimes you have to be the ‘bad guy’ in order to be the ‘real guy’.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.