Feeling And Healing The Inner Punisher In Service Of Love

When you are in a profession such as medical, education, business, etc. you are in a constant state of learning the new data, trends, and practices that will keep you up to date and on the leading edge of the field.

As a healer and a light/shadow worker it is very similar. I am in constant ‘professional development’ to better serve myself first and then in overflow to my facilitants/clients. Without me keeping dibs on my emotospiritual needs, I run the risk of a kind of malpractice in a way. This is not a form of shadow hunting, just being keenly aware of what my next steps are.

I came to hold space for a deeper layer of what we call the Inner Punisher. My current facilitants have had this show up for them at the same time, so it felt like a reflection to feel in myself. This is part of the development. Of becoming aware of what we may still be unaware of. The signs are right there in front of us when we are open and willing to see them, even if it feels uncomfortable.

This lead to a deep process with what we also call the Inner Father. These two energies were both merged as I had a lot of early childhood trauma with my biological father. There was a legacy of harshness and rage that had been handed down to the males in my family tree. It can’t help to be transferred from one son to the next. However, for me, this inner critical voice was internalized and expressed as self-punishment.

As I held this as a part of me, an Inner Father that wanted me to be normal and successful, I began to feel the vulnerability set in. I asked many questions to unearth what was at the root of his rage and anxiety. Once we got there, the tears began to flow for all that he felt like he had become as a mirror of my outer father.

He called himself Sarge like a Sergeant in the army. Both my father and grandfather were Marines and this was imprinted in my DNA. It has many Metasoul connections as well. I felt my compassion for him and even offered him forgiveness. That was hard for him to let in.

This is a deep energy that takes time, through rounds of healing and feeling, to get to the core of where the punishment comes from and how it has played out in so many ways. When it is coupled with a mother or father imprint it can pack a lot of energy but also a lot of healing. Our birth families offer us a lot of fodder for growth and transformation.

I have not been in contact with my father for many years. However, I could feel his higher self with me, offering remorse for what he was unable to offer me this life. That lead to another deep healing inside of me. I felt his old energy leave my field and felt a newer one integrate inside of me.

This has been years in the making and I feel a renewed sense of my own Gabrielness for lack of a better term. It is this Gabrielness that is the heart of my Service to Other. It is what lets me upgrade my system in order to let in more Light and Love to hold space and guide with compassion. I offer that space to you as well if you feel the desire to get to the core of this critical energy or any other energy you feel is keeping you in a lowered state of frequency of being. This is the reason I am here and the reason I continue to heal.

Gabriel Heartman
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

We offer a free 30-45 minute intro call via Zoom to see how the SoulFullHeart process may serve you in your healing and growth. Click the above link for more info or you can PM me. 🙂

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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Feeling Manifestation As A Birthing Process And Relieving The Inner Punisher

My last two sessions have been very powerful when it has come to feeling the Inner Punisher. This energy is very intense and heavy when fully activated. Judgement swirls inside from self-to-self (or from our point of view from part to part), and it is outward from self-to-other. The outer circumstance is a reflection of what is happening on the inside.

If this is left unfelt, manifestation works to draw this energy in even more. The Multiverse responds. This punishing/judging energy can be rooted in our early childhood relationships, our Metasoul, and/or the Gatekeeper’s relationship to life and people. When wanting to manifest a particular timeline, this part of us can really wreak chaos internally and externally.

However, when you get to truly become acquainted with it (though it has usually been a more masculine energy in my experience), you stare to get an understanding of how much of your life may have been spent in deep fusion to this part. For many of us, it is not an attractive side of us, but has a TON of gifts!

The Punisher (which sounds scary in and of itself) is really a lamb in wolve’s clothing. There is a soft underbelly to all the barbs and jabs. There is a tenderness that I have felt once we got to feel it more. So much of that judgement is being waged against itself and trying to manifest that which is sitting in your Desire Bank, as well as trying to get the hell out of 3D! That is a lot to hold and feel responsible for.

I offered a lot of compassion and love to these parts, along with my facilitants, and when that happened we could feel how hard that was to let in. They are always in a state of outward or inward judgement mode that they don’t feel safe with being vulnerable. The biggest reason is that they are the most tender and vulnerable of them all.

When this part of you gets to be in relationship, they begin to move more into a role of Discerner. It is non-charged intuitive/opinion place that just sees the forest for the trees. When the charge is removed, manifestation feels a lot less like pulling a rabbit out of a thimble, and more like a birthing process. It takes the Divine time it needs to come into this physical dimension. The Punisher almost becomes like the excited partner along the way, seeing what needs to be done next to let self-love be the mid-wife.

We manifest what we need to heal. We give birth to what we are born to share and serve.

I am giving birth to my heart and soul gift into the world with each of these words. I offer my gift with a free Intro Call into how the SoulFullHeart Process can help to heal your Inner Punisher/Judger/Critic. Check out the website link below for more information.

Together we can help to shift so much of that energy in the world into a force of loving change. First from within your heart and then into the heart of humanity.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Gratitude As A Doorway To Reverence And Abundance

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. It feels different than in the States. MUCH less collective energy to wade through. It has given me the chance this morning to really tap into Gratitude, Reverence, and Abundance. There are so many things that I felt I could right about this morning but this one felt timely. The full moon energy is wanting to open up something for all of us around these tones. 

Gratitude can be a hard one for us to fully embrace. Parts of us can feel how much there isn’t to be grateful for. To give thanks to the universe might be akin to thanking one’s abuser. Without feeling this very real part of us, the authentic gratitude we do have may be a bit shallow in its depths, if that makes any sense. 

When we can tap into that part, the tender reasons can come to the surface even after all the thrashing. It may appear to be an entitled teenage energy or a despairing Gatekeeper tired of holding all they do across dimensions. What is there to be thankful in that?! Being seen and felt in their pain is what opens the heart to that genuine gratefulness. 

It is feeling all these edges where we get to see how authentic our gratitude is. It is not about gauging the level of our appreciation, but just feeling what is real inside of us. When that has space, Gratitude becomes like a clear, gorgeous sunrise after a very long and stormy night. You see the trees, hear birds, and see the light in a much different way. 

This is what then becomes the benchmark for our authentic gratitude. After my last deep process about a month ago, I see the world through these heart eyes. I feel what I wasn’t truly grateful for. What I had taken for granted inside of me. But now the sun is shining again and I see more than I have in any time before. But I needed to go to this place first.  

I am grateful for the Love I am surrounded by, the soul family I am apart of, and the inner world inside of me that continues to grow and be cultivated. I am grateful to be a healer, a way-shower,  a light/shadow worker, a teacher, an ambassador, and a human being. From this place I am lead to Reverence and ultimately to Abundance (more on those in next posts).  

Thank you to all that have followed my heart and words these past 3 years. Many blessings and real love to each of you. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Introducing Free Intro Calls!

In this video, I talk about our new 30-45 minute Intro to SoulFullHeart call via Zoom. During the call, we would feel together the most presenting issue that you consider most affecting your current timeline.

As I state in the video these are varied and numerous for each of us. Either myself, Raphael, or Kalayna would clarify how the SoulFullHeart process can support you through the feeling, healing, and transformation of where you feel you need the most help.

Prior to the call you would access your Inner Protector via one of our meditations and answer a few short questions, though they may not have short answers. This helps us orient to you and your emotional and energetic bodies as well as gives us a place to go focus when on the call.

You can go to our website for more info at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions or email us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com to set up a day and time.

Looking forward to meeting any of you who are seeking a different path to healing and seeing the world.

Love,

Gabriel Heartman

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Conversation With 10: The Edge Between Clarity And Uncertainty

Today for 10/10/10 I felt to connect with the number Ten as I did last year with number Nine. I always like to feel how these numbers live in me and what they want to impart to me and those that are reading this. It is a fun and more intimate way to derive meaning and personal understanding. I highly recommend it to any of you that are inspired and interested in seeing what it means for you. 

Me: Good morning Ten. I wanted to connect with you today to feel what messages or insights you could offer me and those that are reading this. 

Ten: Good morning to you Gabriel. I am honored to be here. I feel like I am on tour today. Pretty prestigious event. I forgot my coat and top hat at home. 

Me: Lol! I felt the same thing today. You have a lot of fans! 

Ten: I guess so. I try not to let it get to my digits as I have all the others inside of me to give gratitude for this occasion. 

Me: The others inside?

Ten; Yeah. All the other digits that have come before me. They paved the way here. Each one represents a part of the journey of completion and integration. 

Me: Hmmm…I like the feeling of that. I did have quite the conversation with Nine last year and It was feeling how existential being a Nine can be. On the cusp of great change from one digit to two. 

Ten. Oh, my. I can only imagine. It does feel like a lonely place yet full of possibility. I am fortunate enough to have two parts of me. It’s like I get to have sex with myself. 

Me: What?! Um…Ten, this is a family show here. 

Ten: Oh, for goodness sakes. Lighten up Gabriel. It’s all part of the fun! Look, if you look at me I have a lingham and a yoni, right?

Me: I think I just got cancelled. Yes, it certainly does. 

Ten: So I represent the balance and INtegration of all that has come before me. It is like a giant number orgy in here. 

Me: 

Ten: Gabriel?

Me: Sorry, I am just looking at the Want Ads right now. Integration, balance. Yes. Completion. Oh, this just keeps getting thicker and thicker. My agent isn’t returning my calls. Okay, so we are going rogue here now. 

Ten: Yes!!! Going rogue, man! Let’s find our way into a new dimension of possibility! Let’s move beyond the single-track consciousness of this OR that and move into this AND that. In that inclusion you see a much bigger picture and can let yourself have it all, man! I feel like I want to be like Tom Cruise and jump up and down on this sofa here.

Me: Hmmm…not sure about that reference but I get what you are saying. You are excited. You want to do things that are not predictable and yet you are very predictable as the base of our number system. We can rely on you to be constant. What about that?

Ten: You need to smoke some pot, Gabriel. Get loose. Be free, man. I can do both. I can hold the fabric of your mathematics  as well as I can get jiggy with it. 

Me: Okay, who are you and what did you do with the real number Ten?

Ten:  Lol! Look, I want to unshackle from my current role as some perfect number. Fuck that. Let’s go into the Mystic and see where this rabbit hole takes us. Close your eyes and just imagine ones and zeros. Let them rain down upon you and into you. Let them be like sperm and eggs of consciousness seeding possibility, vision, creation, meaning, direction, and completion. Let those little guys help make big changes. It’s all made up, man. All of it. The Joy and the Suffering. I know that is hard to let in but it’s true. It is all part of this crazy ride we are working out together. It’s not all good and it’s not all bad. The question becomes what is it that you truly want from this existence, for all of humanity. Imagine that and birth that baby, man! 

Me: Whoa….I think I took too big of a hit there Ten. I feel what you energizing and it is working its way through me. I can feel how I have had parts of me feeling like they can’t have what they  want because others don’t. There is still suffering in the world and I can’t be in full Joy and Abundance until others are out of it. That is a cycle that just doesn’t end. 

Ten: Now I think I am feeling that bong rip too. Whew! Yeah, there is a way that each of us need to leave an old paradigm behind in order for others to cross that Rubicon. How do you create peace when you are always preparing for war? I think I am going to cry. Seriously. I am not just being a punk. 

Me: I feel you, Ten. That went deep really fast. I want to let digest a bit. Let the smoke clear a bit. I have no idea what you just brought in the room here, but it was like a tornado. I wasn’t expecting that. 

Ten: Awesome. That is my job. To expect the unexpected. To want the unexpected. To open up to possibility through vision, heart, and guidance. Dance on the edge between Clarity and Uncertainty. The One and the Zero. 

Me: I think I need to go eat something now. You up for some granola and berries? 

Ten: Now who the hell is the Hippie here? Nah, man. I’ll take the eggs and bacon. They look like me. Lol! Don’t worry, hippie. It’s all organic and free range. Don’t get me started on factory farming. 

Me: I have no idea what planet I am on. Okay, sounds good. Thanks for being here with me and I am sure I will have network exec at my door soon. 

Ten. Don’t worry, I will handle him

Me:

Ten: Gabriel?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Dear Love,

Dear Love, 

 

Who and what are you really to me?

How to I authentically and honestly relate to you?

What lures me and repels me so? 

So many questions that can only lead me on a quest. 

A quest to open the doors that remain closed to you. 

 

I have experience you flood my house

Set my world on fire

And send me to the moon.

I remember how you have broken me open

And invited me to see what I really didn’t really want to see

 

You have felt like a bully, a beacon, an enemy, and a teacher 

To the varied parts of me that have their own relationship to you

But how do I Gabriel see you? 

What does this man’s heart want and need from you? 

 

I want to see you how you see me

I want to feel the breath of your wildness down my spine

I want to hear the whispers and the shouts 

That guide me to places previously feared

I want to touch your sesuality and ecstasy

And taste the sweetness and realness 

Of that which that courses through you

 

I need to stop playing games of hide and seek 

And walk upon your secret garden 

And sow my seed upon your fertile ground

The seeds of my desire, my purpose, my joy

 

I need your help to shine the light upon the places

You have not been permitted to enter

To open up those up so I can let in the love that is meant to find me

To see the world and myself through those very eyes

 

I feel ready to be consumed by you

Ready to be seen by you

To be transformed and moved by you

Even as I feel a quake when I say that

 

This is my meditation

My daily prayer

My devotion to your embodied promotion

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Your Truth Leads You To What Is Honest

Telling our truth and being honest with ourselves can sometimes be two different things. 

Our truth can come from multiple sources, or parts, within us. They may be aligned or in conflict. Truth has power behind it. It can have a force that cleans house and resets the furniture. It has its own volition that is meant to offer a portal into who we really are, even if it seems contradictory. 

When we get honest with ourselves, something else happens altogether. We are seeing ourselves fully. We get to a core place that has a sobriety and a wider/deeper look into our hearts and souls. The pain, the selfishness, the judgement, the fear. When we get honest, not just truthful, we have dug in deeper to pull out something more lasting, more embodied. 

Honesty makes us transparent and responsible for our truth. When I felt to purge my FU’s two days ago, what was I honestly doing? Was I just dumping my stuff or was I genuinely feeling guided to share my humanity? Was a part of me looking for an argument to test the waters of this new ground inside of myself or was there just a desire to be more real with myself and others? 

I feel there is a bit of truth in all of it. That is my honesty. Looking and feeling my truths holistically. It gives me doorways into myself and also the pulse of those that responded. I definitely noticed that women mostly responded. That could reflect my own inner feminine looking for my masculine to arise more in the space. It felt like the masculine in the collective feminine was asking for men to do the same. Just get real, bro! 

What is real for me is such a varied and dynamic thing. Right now I feel softer than I did yesterday, but the caldron of truth still burns. It is meant to integrate into me so I can be more honest. How that comes out will shift and change over time as I feel the deeper layers under the anger and feel the part of me that has been suppressed. 

This is not necessarily new territory for me, but mostly another layer of growth that is looking to express and serve those that it is meant to serve. It is one that I feel we can all relate to, whether we feel ourselves to be easily honest or if it is difficult. What I want to explore next is the ENERGY by which we share our truths. That frequency does illuminate a lot about how we honestly feel underneath the words themselves.  

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

The Sacred, Healthy FU

Sometimes we just need a healthy dose of ‘F You’. I feel it coursing through my body this morning not sure of its origination. Maybe all this feminine work is gurgling up my repressed masculine. An aspect of my masculine that is fu**king tired of being good, nice, and higher frequency. I have done much better since my earlier days when I would be less than transparent about what I was truly feeling. Mostly the ire would be inward directed toward myself. It still does to some degree but not as much as before.

I got this way from what I feel I came into this world with. A soul history of guilt, shame, and despair. Well, the clouds of those energies are starting to finally lift and leave my field and what is coming up is the energy that it had always suppressed. The anger, the ugly, the raw.

So I avoided it my whole life in order to f**king care-take my mother who instilled me with fear and anxiety about life and other people. A fear that if I got too real that she would drink herself into oblivion. F You!

I avoided it with my father out of an existential fear as a boy that I would not survive the following five minutes afterward. F You!

I avoided it with my sister out of protection of her own rage toward life and a scalding criticism of my masculinity. F You too!

I avoided it with my step-father lest I got the stoic shut-down or a call to the mental hospital. And my step-mother for her rage against anything that came out of a man’s mouth that might be construed as anti-woman. F You both!

So from there the relationship to any man or woman was a combination of all these things. I was drawn by women who wanted the nice guy in their life for once, but then would lose interest when that very thing became not enough to sustain or interest. I need to say ‘F You’ to that too! I have my own ‘F Me’ in that to own too. I was a coward and couldn’t get to my f**king truth to either complete or move the relationship deeper. So in purgatory I sat.

With men, I feared getting into an altercation and being called out as a list of unmentionable words that cut to the core of my unworth. I was only in a fight once and it just took one punch and that was it. I projected my father onto many, if not all of them.

Well, f**king no more. I feel this part of me tired of that shit. It may get a little ugly at times but I guess it is better than managed. I am over-experienced in apology so that won’t be an issue. I need to work on being less apologetic even if I am in the ‘wrong’ for a period of time. THAT, to a part of me, would be progress, believe it or not.

Thank you for taking this in if you did. I feel changed already inside of me. I feel many of us could use a healthy ‘F you’ to help clean out the masculine pipes so feel free down below. I feel it is the most spiritual thing we can do if it authentic and real.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Saying Hello To The Feminine Within

The one thing that feels universal about our humanity is our relationship to our masculinity and femininity. In my past and current processes I have been in an exploration of this very thing within myself. It has been one of the most illuminating parts of my journey. It has not been all of it, but has been a good portion of it. 

When I am out in the world I feel the ebbs and flows of these energies moving within and outside of me. Merging, conflicting, dancing, resisting, and hiding. Really fascinating! As humans I don’t think we can ignore this polarity that is staring at us right in the face. It has so much influence on how we relate, create, love, and hate. 

I have come in closer intimacy with the complexity and simplicity of this dynamic within me. As a man that was always in some confusion about my own masculinity I am coming to terms with what that means for me personally as I become more familiar with my feminines. Yes, plural. 

We so easily just want to make it one thing, like ‘my feminine side’. Very general and obtuse. But what if was more specific and acute. What then? What comes up to feel something inside that has its own perspective and needs? Its own voice and passion? 

The same could be said about our own Inner Child. Tapping into their voice, their needs, their passion. Now a step further. What about an Inner Feminine Child? This just goes on and on! My point is that we are much more than ‘this’ and ‘that’. We are composition of so much more than we have allowed ourselves to be open to. Of course this goes into our celestial beings as well! 

As a man, this journey is one that feels pretty important and alive. It is a journey that can help to rumble the foundations of the patriarchy by our own willingness to face what we have kept in our shadow. Our relationship to the feminine parts and aspects of us that have been sequestered for a very long time. 

Let us be like the prince that woke up Snow White and see what she has to offer us in our heart, our intuition, our sexuality, and our masculinity. She is ready to be connected to and yet fears being rejected once again. Let us feel what we fear the most about her so we can begin to heal this global dynamic once and for all.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

From Nine to Ten: Completing The Cycle Of Suffering And Moving Into Trust

Moving from 9 to 10. The end of September. The beginning of October. I felt something significant move into my body yesterday. After my past 9 year, 9 month, 9 day cycle had completed with quite a bang through the body illness, it filled with a renewed sense of being. Of purpose. Of clarity and above all…Trust. I was filled with 10. It is like I have been a 9 for so long that I can’t even remember anything else. Always on the edge of completion but never completing. Suffering over the suffering of feeling out of reach of this new world of 10. 

When I look it up, I read the characteristics as 

*Independence

*Infinite potential

*Wholeness

*Self-determination

*Exploration

That all seems to align perfectly with what is moving through me. Now these are not absolute. I still feel parts of me that have doubt, anxiety, and fear but they feel less ‘up front’ then they used to be. My Service to Other has grown over my Service to Self. A tipping point has occurred and I feel the Divine gracefully guiding me and supporting me in my next steps as a healer and a leader. 

I needed this last round of Dark Night to get me here. It may not be my last but it is getting awfully damn close. The Dark Mother has always been a gift to me, even though parts of me just couldn’t see it that way until they could. 

I feel many of us are in this phase of moving from 9 to 10. Getting swept up in the brevity of its chaos and intensity. I have traversed these waters for a reason. Not to just move on but to assist others as well to the other side that want the support and guidance. I feel clear about that as the Sun shines behind me. 

How that service and support manifests is up to the Divine but I am Here. I am continuing to love myself and to offer Love to others in any way that it is meant to land, whether by my word or through space-holding. I am excited to see what unfolds for myself, you, and the world at large as we move into this new phase of our INvolution. 

Love to you all that have been with me on this journey. Thank you for your witness and love. I offer it back to you in spades.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.