Author: Raianna Shai

Healing Inner Punishment Through Currency and Love

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By Raianna Shai

Something has been shifting deep within me to a place I haven’t quite reached yet before. I’ve always struggled to access and allow the parts of me that have opinions, reactions or feelings that are judged inside of me. They were invalidated as too much, unnecessary, unfair, harsh, immature, unimportant and anything else you can imagine.

I’ve been working with this part of me called the Ursula who is very matriarchal and has been deeply hijacked by the matrix. On the other side of the coin is my inner punisher who shows up as a dark cloud to instil this feeling of dread, foreboding and shame. Their names are Octavia and Nimbus.

I first started connecting to Octavia, many months ago but much deeper the last few weeks, and realized that she was a large source of my power, discernment and truth as a woman. She would feel opinions or reactions to things and Nimbus would shut them down immediately and go straight to the logical and more docile response. For example, if someone said something to hurt my feelings and Octavia had a reaction to it, then Nimbus would set those feelings aside and jump to the knowing that “They didn’t mean it that way” or that “It came from a certain part of them for a reason”.

Now I’ve finally let in the fact that this strategy doesn’t allow for Octavia to be felt and often she is feeling something very valid and useful for the other person to hear. Allowing her to share her reaction would bring me a greater understanding of myself and of the other person. It would bring us closer and drop any walls that might still linger between us. But this was far too intimate and could lead to hurt in Nimbus’s eyes.

Over the last few weeks I’ve finally felt ready to release Octavia from this bind and let her speak her heart and mind when she needs to. I’ve shared some (albeit small but current) reactions with some of my beloveds in this community and honestly it couldn’t have gone better.

With Bianca we were able to understand each other on a deeper level and learn more about ourselves and the ways we have operated throughout our lives. With Kasha I was able to uncover a habit of mine that kept me from connecting with others more deeply. We ended up having deep tears about how much we love each other and how much we have been through together.

Each experience allowed me to validate whatever Octavia was feeling no matter how small or “trivial” it might be judged as. Every reaction has a purpose whether it’s to understand more about yourself or to become more intimate with others. I finally understand what it feels like to be current and not hold back in the name of being polite, nice or easygoing. Those are all ideals that have kept me small and in a box of my own creation, not allowing all the flavours and colours of my being to show up and be seen.

Ever since this started I’ve felt this existential change in my being. Last night I imagined it like all my molecules have been thrown up in the air and are coming back down in a new arrangement. I am being changed by this and I can see and feel it in a way I never have before. I am claiming all that I deserve to feel inside and out and giving all the love I can give – inside and out.

Hopefully this sparks an inspiration in you to feel the parts of you that are judging any reactions you have and are preventing you from being current with those around you. Love is current and currency is love. ♥️

Raianna Shai
Soulfullheart Experience

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Year of the Sacred “Yes”

Published on by Raianna Shai2 Comments

By Raianna Shai

I woke up into this new year feeling a palpable bittersweet-ness. For me, and perhaps many others, it has been a big year of letting go and then deeply grieving those losses. In a sense it has been a year of saying “no”. To tired patterns, old versions of ourselves, relationships, environments, tensions, and anything that brings a sense of unworthiness or heaviness.

The phase of saying no is SO sacred and tells all the precious parts of you that they are worthy of love and deserve all the desires and needs that live in their hearts. Letting go and deeply feeling the grief of it is something that not many are taught to do. We are taught to let go and forget or hold on for good. But to feel every inch of sadness, relief, confusion, heartbreak, or deep despair that comes up from letting go is so much more meaningful than letting it all sit underneath the surface.

Feeling the depths of these emotions allows more room for all everything you want to say “YES” to. That’s how I feel 2023 will unfold, the year of yes.

Yes to healing
Yes to love
Yes to the divine
Yes to transformational relationships
Yes to inner growth
Yes to opening out the heart again

Saying no to so many things can feel so depleting and disheartening. It’s hard to open yourself up again to the new possibilities that can fill the void that has been left. In the meantime, we can fill the void ourselves with our own inner relationships and inner growth. But soon we can open up again and let in the magic of the new.

Everything we’ve dreamed of is on the horizon just waiting for us to be ready for it. We can hide in the shadows in fear of hurting again, or open our hearts to love and loss knowing that we’ll always find our way back to love. I feel so much honouring of all that has been let go of this year, including an old layer of myself that is ready to move out. And now I welcome in more alchemy, flow and intimacy than ever before! Wishing a REAL New Year to you all ♥️

✨ The pictures attached is an incredible creation by Kasha as a Christmas card this year!✨

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Allowing the Waves of Grief

Published on by Raianna Shai3 Comments

By Raianna Shai

Grief is a much bigger part of our lives and our emotional bodies than I think we realize. We don’t just grieve passed loved ones or the end of relationships. We grieve old versions of ourselves, nostalgic places, past habits, other lifetimes, the state of the world – really anything that is coming to an end. It’s also one of the most complicated and pushed away emotions we can have as humans.

It’s deep, existential, nonlinear and shows up when we least expect it. Everyone I know who has experienced the deepest versions of grief have described it as coming in waves. It crashes over you and suddenly you feel like you’re drowning. One day you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time and the next you’re weighed down with an intense heaviness.

I know that grief is not exactly easy to feel but I also know what happens when it’s left unfelt. It harms us in our physically bodies through different aches and illnesses, it causes us to push down any emotion that comes up in fear that it will uncap all of the unfelt grief we’ve left bottled up and it can keep us from connecting to the deeper parts of ourselves that are beyond the grief.

Grief is deep but it does have another side. It is tender, real and honest. It shows us what we really care about and where our deepest fears and desires lie. It shows us so much truth and if truly allowed to come to the surface when it needs to – it can help us love deeper, trust more easily and stay current with every new emotion.

This has been the biggest emotion that I’ve felt this last month and though it’s been painful, it’s also taught me so much about myself and all the varied and important parts of me. It’s shown me that I can feel 50 emotions in one breath, 100 thoughts in each tear that falls from my eyes, a depth so vast it feels like I’ll never feel anything else.

And then I do. I keep moving, keep feeling, keep letting myself dive into this well of despair and come back out feeling even closer to these parts inside of me. Letting go of every hope and dream I’ve had and making way for new ones. In allowing these feelings to surface, I’m telling these parts of me that they are valid, real and loved. And that is where the healing really happens.

Pictured is me feeling real grief during a recent group circle with SoulFullHeart. The community support and love was huge for allowing myself to go to these depths

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing Perfectionism With Divine Love

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By Raianna Shai

Perfectionism is expressed by many different parts of us, in varied ways and for so many reasons. I’m sure many of us can relate to the constant need to control the outcome or appearance of everything we do. The fear of doing something wrong or being judged for it is running in the background of our minds even in everyday, simple tasks. We often feel tension and anxiety when something unfolds in a way we did not expect or control. Maybe it comes up when you have reactions you don’t want to have, or there’s conflict you wanted to avoid, or you chose to do something that you realize others would judge.

Perfectionism is often used as a way to protect the most precious and vulnerable parts of us which has been so needed in certain phases of our lives. Overtime it becomes so ingrained in us from messaging by society, matrix coding from as far back as birth, personal desire to appear a certain way, and to avoid judgement and loss. But it gets to a certain point where it prevents those vulnerable parts from growing into their bigness and recognizing that they don’t need that protection to the same degree anymore.

Perfectionism for myself has been so strong my entire life. I strived to be a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, perfect community member. And slowly but surely I’ve come to unwind this ingrained desire to avoid any and all judgement and conflict. Much of this has been rooted in the idea that I’m not good enough and that I’ll lose everything I love so much. The moment we separated from the Divine, we were given an underlying feeling of guttural and tragic loss of our home frequency of love and connection. So much unworthiness stems from that loss and everyday we try to prove we are good enough to the divine in some way, shape or form.

Freedom can be found in the moments when all parts of us are nourished and aligned: heart, body, mind, soul and spirit. When we allow ourselves to let in true divine love, we are then able to realize that we can truly do no wrong from the perspective of the Divine. This is really the only place we can find unconditional love and acceptance. When we let go of expectation, obligation and self consciousness – we find liberation.

Freedom for me was felt in the picture I’ve attached to this post. That week I felt the words from the Divine rumble through me when she said “You are my everything”. The energy and truth of these words started to unlock this strong hold parts of me had on the idea of not being good enough. We truly are everything to her – everyone of us and in every way. In the moment of this picture I stepped away from something that was bringing me tension and took in beautiful nature and sunset codes with my beloved Kasha and every part of me felt nourished and aligned.

Freedom is found when we take the time to remind every part of ourselves, even the ones that are hard to love, that they always have been and always will be good enough. Even when there’s room to grow, even when there are regrets, even when the future is unknown – they are good enough and more. And the more we see this bigness in ourselves, the more we can see and feel it in others. And from there, the love spreads like wildfire.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

A Love Story: Part Six (Self Discovery)

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This last, and final, part of this love story shows the process of finally choosing myself. I gave my relationship everything I had, heart and soul, but ultimately I had to choose what I needed to feel whole, empowered, loved and supported. Love stories don’t always end in separation, and sometimes they even come back together. But the most important love through any kind of relationship is the love you have for yourself.

I have learned so many things about myself in each relationship cycle that I go through, but the biggest one I learned this time around is how I have related to my romantic partners. The biggest energies that present themselves are my inner mother and inner teenager. I have found that it’s so easy for me to feel like my beloved is my best friend that I can have comfortable fun around. The other moments are filled by my inner mother who wants nothing more than to make others feel loved and taken care of in every given moment.

These are beautiful parts of myself that have done nothing wrong, but limiting myself to these energies have prevented me from expressing fully as a woman in all of my layers and gifts. I’ve been more teenager and mother than I have lover and because of that, it’s been easy to keep others from becoming truly intimate with me. I’ve been working with these parts of me so deeply the last four months and I’m feeling such an incredible difference already.

I’m a day late to international women’s day but this felt like the perfect time to celebrate my decision to choose myself, to heal the parts of me that desperately need it, and to open myself out to the many layers of my sacred femininity. I’ve taken in the templating from empowered, caring, passionate, loving and incredible women around me to discover what being a woman means to me.

From now on, I will always be choosing me so that my heart can heal deeply enough to love others even when it requires boundaries, truth, patience and compassion. The divine sees all of this within us and knows we deserve it all, so now I’ll see it for myself ❤️

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

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By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.

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A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Four (Enter At Your Own Risk)

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By Raianna Shai

I finally made it to part four of my love story series! This is a full on post instead of a poem, so I’ll keep this preface short and sweet.

I had a moment last year while trying to rediscover myself and my purpose when I realized that the part of me that I’ve judged and kept protected is actually one of my greatest gifts. I’ve been so held back by fear of my own emotions and what other people may think of me that it’s been so hard to let myself just be honest and real.

Even when I would share my feelings in a relationship, I would try to soften it to not make it sound “too much” or “too unfair”. But I’m finally reaching the point of realizing that risking judgement and blowing up a relationship is worth it when your truth could actually bring you and the other person into something new and meaningful. Yes, truth can hurt and harm others – but so can holding it back. At least the former allows you both the opportunity to show up and grow into new ground.

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A Love Story: Part Four
Enter At Your Own Risk

So much of our lives are spent worrying and fearing what might happen. We close ourselves off knowing we could potentially be hurt if we don’t. We don’t tell people how we feel, we don’t open up our hearts to one another, we don’t commit to something that means a lot to us, we sabotage ourselves in the name of safety, comfort and preservation.

But when I think of all those beautiful moments in life that we’re constantly searching for – have we ever gotten there without risk? Have you ever fallen in love without being vulnerable? Or felt a deep sense of connection with someone without the risk of being rejected or judged? Has there ever been a moment of true and real emotion that hasn’t come with an underlying fear of abandonment?

We try so hard to avoid the mess – the heartbreak, the judgement from others, criticism – but with that, we avoid the bliss.

Something I’ve realized about myself over the last few months is that I am incredibly sensitive and emotional and for maybe the first moment in my life I 100% love that part of me. I’ve spent so long worrying that I would be seen as too much, as pushing people in my life to be someone they’re not in order to match me, as being overly sensitive and insecure. Insecurity can come with sensitivity but so can strength.

When I let myself be me, I have the strength to sit with someone and pour my heart out to them. I have the strength to feel my feelings on full blast without having a wall up to protect myself from others. I have the strength to love with such depth that I genuinely worry I’ll get lost in it.

And sometimes I do. Sometimes I forget how beautiful my heart is and how much it deserves to be loved back just as powerfully. I just want to be seen and felt in all my glory.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Digestion Of The Deepen 2022 Video Series

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By Raianna Shai

This SoulFullHeart video series is such an incredible way to get to know yourself to an incredible deep level. They’re full of teachings and meditations that are so valuable for discovering who you are, why you feel and react the way you do, what your gifts are and how to heal even your deepest wounds. I’ve been doing this series for the last two weeks or so and even the more “basic” videos have been so enlivening and core to my current healing process.

There’s something special about connecting to 31 different videos that slowly but thoroughly help you dive into any and all places that need your attention. They can be taken in at any pace and at any time which allows you to go deeper into any process that feels relevant.

I have been on a deep journey of discovering my divine empowered woman and these videos have brought so many connections to light inside of me. They have taught me how much my inner mother wants to care take everyone to the point where it doesn’t allow others, or other parts of me, to live into their bigness and grow into the person they’re capable of. They have taught me that my inner teenager is ready to blossom and become a woman capable of setting boundaries and advocating for herself and the capacity of others.

They have woken up my inner protector enough for him to realize that he can’t keep me small and locked in my bedroom anymore. This journey has strengthened belief in myself and what I have to gift others. I have been able to dive into my shadow in a way that I was way to scared to before and recognize patterns that have been so detrimental to my own growth as well as those around me, even if for a good reason.

So thank you Jelelle, Raphael and soon Kasha and Gabriel for providing me with the tools I need to love and care for myself in a way that serves both myself and the collective ❤️

For more information about the Deepen 2022 series including a full listing of the content covered over 31 days, a playlist featuring each video released so far, and information about the two Deepen 2022 group calls, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org/deepen2022

Love, Raianna

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Three (In The Midst Of Love)

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By Raianna Shai

The following writing is one very close to my heart. These are actually lyrics to a song I wrote in that phase of a relationship when it’s been long enough that you know each other inside and out. Your friendship is formed and the romance is alive. I’m not exactly a lyrical genius but it came from my heart and I don’t often write songs!

A relationship based on mutual growth and healing requires a sharing of the innermost tender and vulnerable parts of you. You begin to understand when and why walls come up or what triggers stress and anxiety in them. You notice the little things that you love about them and what makes their heart truly glow. The bond deepens from physical infatuation to deep and growing trust and respect.

This is the time when comfort begins to sink in. You no longer have to work hard to try and win them over, you don’t feel so self conscious about yourself or your habits, you feel a sense of calm and hope that your feelings for them can last. This is the phase that we long for! The fire still burns yet you feel at home within the bond.

We work hard inside and out to get to this place but ultimately, getting here is the easy part. The next part is trickier. Retaining your mutual growth, passion, respect and love for each other is the truly difficult part. Choosing everyday to understand yourself so that you can continue to be vulnerable, honest and real together. I’ll talk more about this on my next post 💞

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A Love Story: Part Three
In The Midst Of Love

You make me and my
Whole heart smile when you
Look at me that way

You make me wanna be a
Better person, each and
Every single day

I know that It’s not
Easy being here
But I’m glad that you are

I wanna make you
Happy dear because you
Shine just like the stars

~ Chorus ~
I’ll hold your inner child’s hand
As we run under the moon
I’ll soothe your guard’s worried looks
And soon he’ll make me swoon

Your punisher is next
And him I’ll love the most
Your feminine will help me show
How our hearts can be so close

~~~

The moment you feel
Lost and lonely know that
You are not alone

Even when the
Earth starts shakin look
Inside to find you’ve grown

I know that it’s not
Easy being here
But it’s worth a try

I wanna make me
Happy dear because our
Love can reach the sky

~ Chorus ~

And when we start to touch the soul
Our bond will deepen evermore
My dream is to get close to you
Be intimate and break right through

~ Chorus ~

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Two (Falling In Love)

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By Raianna Shai

The next part of this story is the part that we tend to spend our lives looking for: falling in love. The new and exciting rush of meeting someone that has an equal interest in us as we do in them. A new pair of eyes to see you, new ears to hear your passions and desires, new hands to touch the lonely and unloved parts of you inside and out. It sparks a hope in us that nothing like love can. We hope that this person will be the one we can grow with, who will understand us and treat us the way we’ve always dreamed of being treated.

More importantly than this outside love is what it sparks inside of us. It can allow us to love ourselves more than ever before while also bringing up our deepest insecurities. We begin by showing the brightest and shiniest parts of ourselves, hoping that will win them over. The way we enter a relationship is so telling of where we are at on the inside.

I remember the moment I wrote this poem, sitting under a tree staring out at the water. I felt elated and overcome by pure hope and love. I looked up at the leaves and they looked brighter than usual, almost as if they were glowing. In that moment I remembered feeling this way before. And then I remembered it fading and eventually leaving me completely. But it didn’t matter. Feeling it again reminded me of why we continue to search for this feeling over and over again even when it leads to pain or heartbreak.

This feeling is a reminder of what we are capable of feeling, with or without another person. All someone else can do is illuminate what’s possible in our own hearts and souls. Each relationship gets us closer and closer to this feeling of ecstasy and love inside of ourselves and without another person. We can feel this way with the divine, with our own inner parts, with our inner sacred union.

Without heartbreak, shadow and pain we cannot understand what it truly feels like to be in love and peace from the inside out. 💛

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A Love Story: Part Two
Falling In Love

This feeling of falling in love
With you and
With every part of me
Is like coming home

This is what my soul knows
What it’s been waiting to come back to
To feeling nourished
To feeling loved from the inside out
To loving the outside in

I see your face and smile
And even if it doesn’t work out
This feeling right here, right now
Is worth it all
This is what it’s all about

Freezing this moment and remembering
This is what we work so hard to get back to
This is why we dive deep
This is why we feel our shadow

Love,
Raianna Shai
SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.