Feeling is Healing

By Raianna Shai

Healing and awakening are very often incredibly difficult things to do. It’s not always high frequency, good vibes, and love and light. It’s diving deep into the shadow, letting go of what once meant everything to you, and realizing what needs to be shed and felt in order to continue your growth.

I had a day today where I felt like the last thing I wanted to do was heal and grow. I felt a deep sadness that, when in the middle of it, feels immovable and permanent. It was a process that required many rounds of tears that I couldn’t quite place. They were triggered by something specific, but were clearly about something much larger.

A part of me didn’t care where they came from to be honest, and just wanted to feel sad. She wanted to medicate all of the sadness away and forget about getting to the other side of it. But even though it was hard to feel in the moment, I knew that each time I felt this sorrow, I was healing something deep on a bigger scale.

Each tear that drops from our eyes, each feeling of unworthiness, anger and fear, each time we feel how hard it is to be here as deeply feeling humans, we feel something for everyone else in the world. We cry for every human – past, present and future, for every timeline that affects our here and now, every one we are surrounded by and touch every day.

Everything we feel is sacred and as difficult as it may be, your desire to feel it rather than suppress it is changing the world. We may not be able to rid ourselves of our suffering immediately and certainly not for everyone, but each choice we make towards love (including feeling how far we seem to be from it) is making an impact collectively.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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She is… (A Poem)

By Raianna Shai

She rides the tides
And phases of the moon
Her body
Growing and changing
With every rise and fall

Her curves hold life
So precious
A container
Of our own humanity

She moves with grace
Is graced with movement
So tender
So passionate
Lost in the moment of oneness

With Gaia
With mother
With the trees
And the wind

She is a portal
Back to your own heart
A mirror
Into your soul

Her feminine form
Soft and powerful
Her feminine heart
Of trust and surrender
Her feminine soul
Of flames, earth, air and wind

She is…

– divine feminine

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

The Tides Are Changing Once More

Photo by Rich Wiltshire

By Raianna Shai

Big news and shifts coming for my community and I in the coming months! The beginning of this year has been quite the phase of endings, rumblings, growth and transformation. It feels like a collective process of death and rebirth in relationships, careers, geographies and old ways of being. So many have spoken of a desire to end a pattern that no longer serves their higher purpose. Of finding what moves them and fills their heart and soul. No longer are many of us wanting to stay stuck or to linger in places that prevent our creativity, growth or bigness from blossoming.

For us, that is a change in geography once more! We are being called to serve in Europe – a place that is rich in culture, history and spirituality – in order to reach and touch as many souls as possible. I have wanted to travel for so long and especially to Glastonbury which is where we plan to begin!

Victoria has been such a wonderful landing and transitional place for us, where most of what we want has been manifested. It is one of my favourite cities I have ever lived in and it will always be close to my heart! The people I have met, and experiences I have had have all shaped who and where I am today. We still have some months left here but I wanted to acknowledge the largess of this change and how reflective of the collective rebirth it is!

Much was needed to be shed and processed before being able to make this leap but we all feel so ready to go! My deepest desire is to heal my heart as much as I can – to see and feel my own shadow so that others may be guided to do the same. I believe in the power and gift of inner healing to effect change in others and the outer world. But it must start within. Can’t wait for the upcoming adventures that await!

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Love Can Never Be Lost To Trauma

By Raianna Shai

After a traumatic experience, parts of us tend to feel this desire to go back to who we were before the incident. They desire to be blissfully unaware of what is to come, to return to the untainted heart that felt full and content. Or maybe there’s even a desire to return to neutrality and boredom for that feels less painful than where you’re at now.

I asked the Divine that very same question just now in meditation, “When will I return to how I felt and who I was before this all happened?”

I immediately heard a response back saying, “You will never be who you were before any of your life experiences. You will, in fact, be that much closer to love and your true essence. Every human experience you have, whether it feels negative or positive, gives you a closer look at who you really are. A trauma does not take away from love in your heart, for love can never be lost. It can become a story, or it can become learning and growth. It can be lost in the shadow or it can be brought into the light of day to be seen, loved, and healed into something rooted in love. You are always you, nothing can take that away.”

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Telling Your Truth With Both Strength And Compassion

By Raianna Shai

Telling your truth can be a multi-layered and surprisingly complicated process. It’s rare that we are taught how to truly and lovingly set boundaries, speak honestly, and be vulnerable in our relationships. In order to tell your truth from love rather than fear, there’s a beautiful blend of both the masculine spine and confidence and the feminine heart and compassion.

I’ve been learning a lot about my own process when it comes to telling my truth and I’ve realized how compartmentalized it has been for me. I’ve never been all that confident with telling people how they affect me or what I’m really feeling. I am very open about what is going on in my life but when it comes to anything that could cause conflict, hurt, or harm, part of me avoids it like the plague.

One way that I tell my truth is solely from my unhealed feminine heart. This can be beautiful and soft – but without a more masculine holding of it, it can come out meek and small. This is when I will share how someone made me feel but then follow it up quickly with “but it’s not your fault!”. I have this desperate need in parts of me to make people feel safe and comfortable. But this way of being allows people to think that what I have to say isn’t important. That I don’t need them to see or hear me because it’s my responsibility to take care of it and heal. When sometimes, it really is the other person and their energy that isn’t okay for me.

Wrapping conflict in layers of padding and protection, trying to keep it from exploding or becoming real – this isn’t actually loving to anyone. This hinders rather than supports real growth. Being able to tell someone that something they have said or done hurts you brings you that much closer together. It gives you the opportunity to get to a deeper place around it and actually deepen your bond. It doesn’t have to be something that deeply offends or hurts them, it can actually be a way to show them that you care and that you want MORE of them not less. You just want more of who they really are, not more of the walls or protection that allows them to do or say things that hurt you.

Another way of sharing your truth is through pure, unhealed masculine unsentimentality. This is a powerful part of us that can see the bigger picture and make decisions not based in attachment or codependency. But when I’ve shared my truth from this place alone, I have been able to really hurt another person. It makes people feel judged and small and not cared for at all. It does not allow space for the other person to grow because there is no heart there to really feel them in it. Why would a flower want to bloom in the desert?

Then we look at a blend of these two energies. A part of us that has the spine to make hard decisions that is best for everyone and a loving part of us that can create a compassionate space for hurt to arise, be felt, and potentially move in to something new. Without the heart, there is very little room for anything to shift or change in the way that you want. Without the spine, there are rare moments when the heart is really heard and felt.

I have been feeling the consequences of this compartmentalization lately but I have felt so much gratitude for being able to discover why it’s there inside of me and what was even going on when it happened. Now I can learn and grow from my experiences and offer loving boundaries to anyone I encounter next. These strategies simply came from fear for me. A fear of getting really close to someone, of being seen for who I really am, of shattering an image of perfection, of potentially hurting someone else, and so much more. We all have our reasons for being this way – all we can do is learn, grow, forgive, move on and love as fully as possible!

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Love Within to Love With Other

Burning Love by Saara AlhopuroArt & Photography

By Raianna Shai

This is one of those days that calls and aches for inner reflection. For feeling where the love exists inside you and in your outer world as well as where love is lacking. Whether you’re heartbroken, in love, lonely or happily on your own – this is a perfect time to connect with the love flow in your life.

Maybe you want a romance so badly that you feel devastated on days like these. This is a perfect time to feel the ways in which parts of you are actually devastated that you don’t love them the way they want and need. Feeling these parts of you and cultivating true love inside can’t help but draw that same connection on the outside.

Maybe you are heartbroken and recently let go of a romance and this day seems to pour salt in the wound. This would be a perfect time to honour any beauty that existed in the relationship, what you learned about love from it, and why you feel it needed to end. For things begin and end exactly how and why they are meant to.

Maybe you are madly in love and are dizzy with happiness! This is the perfect time to step back and honour yourself for being in a place to draw something that gives you this much joy and love. For that is a reflection of the joy and love inside of you. And a reflection of the joy and love inside your partner.

Maybe you are in a relationship but feel lonely or sad in it anyway. Take a moment to feel what you truly want in a romance and love. Feel into what might be lacking – and turn it inwards. What is lacking in relationship is generally something lacking inside too. Advocate for what you really want and deserve – and go from there.

Maybe you are single and happy and absolutely in love with who and where you are. This is a perfect time to feel gratitude for where you have gotten! This is not an easy place to get to and it may not last forever – but right now everything feels aligned and magical and that is cause for celebration! Perhaps take a moment to feel into the ways that you can deepen this love for yourself, even when it’s hard to.

I think most of us have been in almost every stage on Valentine’s Day in our lives. I know I have….but if I’ve noticed anything this year, it’s that it all comes back to YOU! You are the only one responsible for your heart and how it loves. You have been given the gift of feeling all the ways in which parts of you feel unlovable and loving them anyway. Self love is not selfish. It teaches you how to truly love another and it shows others how you want to be loved.

You are beautiful inside and out. All of our mistakes and “flaws” are forgiven and loved by the Divine and can therefore be forgiven and loved by you. It feels so important on these to take a moment for you, no matter what stage or phase you are in. Maybe then love can pour into all of our hearts and reach those who are struggling to find it themselves. Inner love always reaches the collective – so let’s help each other out by helping ourselves.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Loving Your Inner Beast

By Raianna Shai

Self judgement and unworthiness are feelings that are hard to reach the root of. It can take years of unraveling just why and how we truly see ourselves and how it plays out in our lives. We can point fingers at all the people who made us feel small. The people who judged us. The people who could never forgive our mistakes. The people who invalidated our feelings.

But what about the part of you that has done all the same things? The part that tells you you’re not good enough. That constantly reminds you of your mistakes. That judges every move you make, every awkward thing you do. What if this part of you wasn’t just judging you, but judging itself? And what if all the hate and anger and insults were just this part’s way of trying to protect you? We are not victims to our circumstances, so anyone or anything that hurts you is a reflection of a part inside that hurts you too.

I’ve been working with this part of me lately, which can be called a Punisher part, to feel how and why my insecurity can get in the way of my own self love and how it affects my relationships. His name is Brutus and he sees himself as a beast – like in Beauty and the Beast. And all of the goodness that lives inside me can be represented by a rose covered in a glass case. He is fiercely loyal and strives to protect this rose by any means necessary. But his version of protection is to judge her until she does everything perfectly – then no one else can judge her.

This part of me is not easy to feel. He is harsh, brutal and very unforgiving. Every person that has ever gotten mad at me, judged me, or insulted me has actually been backed up by him. He takes everything that was said or felt about me and multiplies it by 10. He expects me to do better, he feels ashamed for how I acted or things I said, he punishes me for doing something wrong.

So instead of using the knowledge and intuition he has about my emotions to protect me, he actually just makes me feel worse about it. But one thing I’ve learned is that he just wants love himself. In his vulnerability, he feels so much remorse for how he has made other parts of me feel about themselves and in turn, other people. He feels he doesn’t deserve love or forgiveness.

But the second me and all parts of me truly forgave him, he started to shift massively. He turned into a prince and he could feel all that he has to offer. Intuition, discernment, and a healthy protection and transparency about how I’m really feeling.

So when I am feeling unworthiness or when there is a truth I need to say to someone, I can call on him and his opened out heart to say what I need to say. Instead of letting my hurt build up and explode out, we will work together to be honest and loving to ourselves and others. Because kindness cannot come from an empty vessel. We must cultivate it within ourselves so deeply, that we can’t help but overflow into others.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Pain Of Letting Go Into Love

By Raianna Shai

Letting go is one of the hardest processes we go to through in our lives. Whether it’s letting go of a career, a pattern/habit, a geography, or a relationship it can bring up so much for us to process. Letting go is so much harder than holding on.

Parts of us can judge us for our decision – feeling that you made a mistake, that you hurt or disappointed someone, that you did something wrong or will regret your decision. The best thing to do here is to feel compassion for this part. Give it love knowing that it just wants the best for you and it may be scared that it couldn’t protect you from this pain you may feel.

Letting go is painful but it also leads to a beautiful new beginning. Maybe you get that new job you always wanted or a geography that inspires your heart and soul. Maybe you get the chance at a new phase of an old relationship or a new one that reflects the love you have cultivated inside.

It can feel like you’re dying inside during this process. Like you’ll never feel happy or be yourself again. Or maybe you feel hurt and angry and find it hard to feel why it’s all happening, especially if it felt out of your control. Maybe you can’t feel anything or you can’t stop feeling everything.

And sometimes it comes in waves. A comment here or a reminder there can spark tears at the drop of a hat. Then you have a moment of clarity, a moment of knowing it will all be okay. Then you feel the guilt or the shame and it all comes crumbling back down. These are all parts of you that have reasons for feeling the way they do. Feel the pain, but let the clarity and love hold it all.

Whatever you feel there is always another side of it. A realization waiting to happen. A new love for yourself and life will start to creep in. A new view on what you have and what you want to have will fill your heart and inspire you.

All this can happen if you truly let go. Let go of expectations, let go of judging yourself or others, let go of what others might think of you. Mourn the loss, mourn what could have been and the goodness of what was and then let love fill the space. As hard as that may sound right now, it will come. Whether it takes days, months or years it will come and it will be beautiful.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Inside-Out Reflection

Many things have shifted for me in the past couple of months since moving back to Canada. Moving into a new house, experiencing a new social terrain, exploring new relationships, diving into new places within myself. Reflecting on the past year I feel how much I have cultivated for myself just by going in and putting my process first.

One year ago I was living in Mexico, I spent most of my time alone or with my community, I was living in a cheap apartment that I did my best to make my own, I was focused on my process and yet parts of me were still very good at avoiding the hard parts.

One year later I am in one situation after another that pushes up process. Everything is new, everything is growing and changing. I am experiencing things socially and emotionally that I haven’t felt in over a year and through that, I can feel how much I have grown.

If there is one thing I have learned from my experiences this year, it’s the importance of going in. I have had so much fear dictate and run my life. All for good reason, but it also ran out of ground. I got to the point in my life where nothing I did felt like it had any meaning. My heart wasn’t soaring or passionate about anything I was doing and feeling, I felt like I was at a standstill with growth and lacked any sense of inspiration.

Finally, I was able to open up to something new and scary: my inner world. Now that I have begun diving deep into my emotional and spiritual body I can feel the gifts of every phase of life that I have had. The phases I miss, the phases parts of me feel shame about, the phases I honour, my current phase of being. It has all been sacred and has led me to where I am today – which is just about everything I have ever dreamed of. But I know that I would not be able to see it that way had I not healed what I needed to in order to really let it in.

It’s hard to really SEE beyond the eyes when you have not learned to see inside.

It’s hard to love another when you have not loved your own aching parts.

It’s hard to have gratitude when the shadow is not honoured too.

It is hard to move forward when you have not moved inwards.

I still have pain, fear, anger, and sadness within my shadow but knowing that I have cultivated the time and space to feel and love it all makes all the difference in the world. I feel all of the people my age that have such a strong desire to feel passion and to make something of their lives, but if I can teach anything from my own experience – it’s to heal, with love and curiosity, everything you can first.

You can change anything you want on the outside and feel motivated and inspired but what keeps that fire alive is how you feel within yourself. How you experience and notice every moment changes your outer reality. I have seen and felt this over and over again and cannot suggest it enough.

I adore my process and want to share it with you, if any interest arises. My lovely community provides sessions and support through all of this – you can read more at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Beauty That Is You

By Raianna Shai

As I watch the sunset tonight I reflect on all the beauty that surrounds me. The beauty that I alchemized for myself. The beauty that is reflected within me.

When we take in beauty like sunsets, we are really taking in ourselves. The beauty of ourselves. You can only let in the love that you have cultivated within. And from there, is where you give to others.

I came onto my yoga mat this evening feeling less than perfect. Less than worthy. I’ve always been very sensitive to how I am perceived and what others think of me. So one small thing can send parts of me spiralling into a suffering loop about not being good enough.

I checked in with this part of me while in puppy posture and asked why I felt this sadness every time something like that came up.

He told me “Because I know that if you feel sad or guilty enough, you’ll do everything in your power to prevent it from happening again. So we don’t have to feel the sadness. So no one can judge you. It’s for your protection.”

I felt to say back, “But why am I not perfect exactly where I am now? Why is this not good enough?”

I felt tears start to come as this part of me started to let in the reality that I was talking about him, too.

I transitioned into a new position so that I could take in the sunset amidst this process, and the tears started to flow.

Look at all of this beauty, I thought. The love in my life, the love in my soul, the love in the sky this very moment.

I know there is shadow within me. Darkness, sadness, anger, fear. But that’s all a part of the beauty.

We would have no sunsets without darkness. The colours would not stand out the way that they do.

And my darkness and shadow is not wrong, the way the night sky is not wrong. It is passion and power. It is the part of my essence that can provide me with discernment, boundaries and confidence. It is one of the strongest parts of me, especially when it can let in my love.

I make mistakes. I have the capacity to hurt. I can feel things I would never wish anyone to feel. But I am still worthy. These dark parts of me are still worthy. You and your parts are still worthy of all the love you can possibly imagine. Of every ounce of love you have to give.

It’s time now to go in, take responsibility for the shadow, feel any remorse that comes up, and then forgive. Forgive so that you can let in the beauty that is YOU.