Journaling With My Debt

By Raianna Shai


You’re not so scary…right? I mean, you certainly have this power to make me quake in my boots but there’s nothing you can aaactually do…right?

For parts of me that’s not true at all. For a part of me debt represents failure. Especially when other people know about it, especially when it affects them.

So I wonder, what is the worst possible scenario that can happen with debt? Well, I could go to jail. Assuming by law it would even be worth it to them to send a young girl to jail for a $5000 loan… That doesn’t feel possible at all though and the thought of that just makes me laugh! Me? In jail? Yeah right… So what are the other consequences that are really hitting home right now? There are the complications of moving back to Canada and trying to get a bank account and ruining my credit. But that still feels so 3D and doesn’t even bother my parts all that much.

Then there’s the emotional response of what other people think of me. Ahhh, there’s the ticket. Other people, always other people. So what do these “other people” represent that make me feel so self conscious to admit that I can’t pay back my loan. Society, perfection, blending in, failure. Everything that takes me off the conveyor belt of conforming to standards and onto an unknown path. A path where you…lead yourself? Where you can…love yourself? That feels so foreign and wonderful and terrifying… So I ask this part of myself, what is it that’s so damn scary about being different and having people see me being different?

“Well, Raianna, it means that they can see me, which means that they can judge me. If I do everything right according to them then I’m inherently invisible. I can’t make anyone uncomfortable, I don’t have to think outside the box, there are rules and regulations that I can follow so I don’t have to think or feel on my own… okay I can see how that might get boring. But it’s so much EASIER!”

I take this in and address my angel cards (a gift I’ve been given to help parts of me bridge to connections with higher frequencies, guides, and the Divine). Interestingly, two out of three cards mention letting go of fear and negative emotions of victimization (the other tells me I should be doing workshops so I guess I’m good at writing about this stuff?). That helped me regain the perspective that I’m not a victim to my circumstance. I can feel the pain behind what debt means to a part of me but it’s also already something I’m working through. I’ve kept myself in a suffering loop over money for so long and even this part of me feels ready to be done with that.

So, as an action to go along with this new perspective and more 5D feeling around debt, I’m going to delete the emails that I’ve been getting about the actions that the loan office will take against me and let go of this debt that keeps me chained to the 3D world. It will no longer be an anchor for me as I heal the pain that lies in being seen and being different. I haven’t chosen an easy path, but I’ve chosen one that calls my very heart and soul, and that, to me, feels so much more fulfilling.


Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:


SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Seeing, Feeling, and Healing The 3D Self


“In SoulFullHeart, we are spending much time and energy right now creating a more standardized process to navigate this 3D, 4D, 5D self exploration, differentiation WITH you of the 3D/4D/5D self and then relate this to ALL seven areas of your life: emotional, spiritual, mental, social, physical, financial, and environmental. Through weekly sessions with your SoulFullHeart facilitator, you would feel together where the 3D self shows up and how, what the next places are to grow your emerging 4D self, and even what specific life changes you want to make related to what you discover to move you more into your highest timeline/5D self expression and life.”

The writings in this week’s Museletter were largely inspired by the newly structured process of SoulFullHeart that we are creating with blends of both masculine and feminine energies. We have all engaged in writing letters from our higher selves to our 3D/4D/5D aspects of ourselves and the importance of connecting with our 3D selves in particular, has been revealed this week after writing these letters. In the featured article, as quoted above, Jelelle describes how the 3D self can be stuck in fear and resistance to love which plays out in the seven areas of our life. As we awaken, our 4D selves desire to let in more love, which challenges these 3D resistances. Connecting with your 3D self feels like the launch pad for further awakening and expansion in your being, all held by your higher self and the divine. Feeling the pain and the fear through parts work allows these frequencies to be transmuted and brought along during ascension.

In addition to Jelelle’s digestion of this new framework that we’ve begun to create, Gabriel and Kalayna have also shared beautifully vulnerable writings about their connections with their 3D selves and what illuminations have arisen from them. Raphael has a unique perspective on the new process by feeling into the larger idea of what spirituality means to him including a clever exercise of “making up your own spirituality” in minutes. Another topic touched on by Jelelle are the intense energies of the recent hurricanes and various weather patterns. She feels into the invitation that these events have provided us, which are to transition away from a 3D way of living and not to feel victim to our circumstances. Gaia is supporting death and rebirth to move into a higher timeline and consciousness overall.

Our next upcoming event is a livestream next Sunday, September 17 at 11:11am CST. PLUS, new recordings and information on our new 30 minute free intro calls!  We love to share our love to you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation you feel that resonates with our offering.  You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate.

Thank you so much for your interest and support for SoulFullHeart Way of Life!

Here is the link to this week’s museletter:

Passion, Power and Purpose: Gifts From Pandora’s Box

by Raianna Shai

Pandora's Box.jpg


Floods through me like a river rushing to feel the freedom of an ocean. Carries me through highs and lows, through desire and anger, through love and loss. Fills the untouched and dusty attics of my emotional ceiling. Transforms blank walls into colourful reflections of my soul. Holds my deepest wants and needs with intention and clarity. Gives me the fuel I need to fly.


Energizes a deluge of self love. Lays down the shield and raises the heart. Turns on the light to reveal the shadows. Lights up from the inside out. Radiates from body to heart to soul to others. Supports the lover to love, the teacher to teach and the leader to lead. Provides the strength to let go of that which no longer serves. Becomes the wind beneath my wings.


Wakes me up in the morning in realness and truth. Wraps up gifts until they’re ready to be opened. Spreads love like a wildfire sparked by truth. Waits to be noticed, watered, and cared for. Remains rooted in the ground, waiting to bloom anew. Supports the human experience. Gives reasons and answers to questions of doubt. Holds me up when I start to fall.   


These are the three “P’s” that I’ve been working to unlock. My darkest shadow aspect has been revealed to me as my soul guardian, Pandora. And with her box she keeps my deepest pain, my most intense desires, and my greatest gifts. Up until now, opening that box would mean chaos, horror, loss, and ultimately hell. But with love and growing trust, she’s gained faith in my ability to handle these soul pieces more and more. I’ve felt the fear of dying, the unpredictability of passion, the potential tumultuousness of truth, the strength of power and the nourishment of purpose. I have refused to transcend my fear, but instead to feel its depths and my need for it in the 3D world I chose to inhabit for so long.

I have felt these effects already transmuting into love in its place, giving way to passion, power and purpose. I lived so long in neutrality, acquiescence, and invisibility that was gifted to me by Pandora and my parts in order to avoid the pain that feeling my fear inevitably leads to. Feeling this as a gift has not only fast tracked this process, but it has also nourished the self love inside of me. Of course I want to love every aspect of myself, even those in shadow, because if I can’t do that, how can I truly love others?

My desire for purpose has never felt quite so strong. I feel how even before this process I had a huge desire to heal anyone I could. To give them whatever they needed to feel better or to hopefully feel their pain. After starting this process I tried to give “advice” as best I could but without their desire to go as deeply in as I knew it could go, I struggled to say what they wanted to hear. I took on these energies without feeling myself and had no more room for my own growth. So I stayed stuck in a cycle of needing to be needed. Working with Pandora renewed my sense of excitement in something that helps me grow in order to use my overflowing love to help others in an ever deepening way. I’m so grateful for all that she’s done for me these past 22 years, but we both feel fed up and ready to grow up. Ready to dive into the depths of my soul and catapult into an endless sky of that love that we are.


Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:

Meeting My Inner Punisher: Transmuting Inner Punishment With Deep Feeling and Love

By Raianna Shai


I’ve been involved in the SoulFullHeart process for just under a year now, having grown up with Jelelle as my mother, Gabriel as my father, and eventually Raphael as my step father. It’s quite daunting to be led through life by such big, beautiful souls and for a long time, parts of me couldn’t quite let them in. But I started working with Kalayna as her facilitant and now I’m here in Mexico with them, joining them on this journey of ascension, remembrance and love! It hasn’t even been two weeks since I’ve been here and already I’m starting to touch on some pretty intense parts and aspects of myself. What I’ve been feeling the most lately is something that I feel just about everyone can relate to, which is self judgment.

Finally being able to let my family into my heart in a new way has been both transformational and very difficult. I find that a part of me starts spiraling into comparison and judgment or not feeling worthy of this process. Yesterday, I connected with this part, called my Inner Punisher, directly for the first time. This can be a very deep, core wounding for most people it feels like and I’ve felt this frequency as subtly as I have clearly! It’s a hard feeling to grasp and hold onto and define. But getting to know the tones of this part led to a rabbit hole of discoveries. I couldn’t quite get to deep feeling around it just yet but even after touching on it, I could feel how deep and intense this can be.

Healing the Inner Punisher is no easy task as you can imagine… but even with the amount of connection I had with it yesterday, I could take very subtle punisher frequencies in me and make them more present to feel them. I know that I’ve been feeling some self judgement around not writing blogs yet, not being able to “keep up” with all of the readings, not feeling as connected yet to the mystical and magical parts of SoulFullHeart as much as everyone else, etc. but it felt very subtle for a long time. Today it felt much more noticeable after distinguishing more of how this part feels to me and how it comes up in daily life.

There’s a lot of unworthiness around this for me. I know some people feel fear around becoming invisible or not being heard, but this part of me has felt a comfort in being invisible. If it’s invisible, then it doesn’t have to deal with as much criticism or judgement. But the most judgement that’s happening is from this part inside of me. It was okay with not answering questions in school, for example, and getting docked marks for it because at least it could be comfortably hidden.

So then the question came up for me around, if the issue isn’t about being seen or heard, then why is this a sore spot, personally? It feels to me like my higher self wants to write, wants to learn more about the cosmic and magical aspects, wants to feel more and heal more and love MORE. But this part wants to shield me from hurt by being invisible. This is when I get into a state of neutrality. I acquiesce to what others want and often can’t even feel what it is I really want. This part blocks me from feeling anything and I’m just “content”. But the other side of this part is full of intense emotion and passion! It’s scared of its own passion and of scaring people away with it. Because passion is vulnerable, emotions are vulnerable. In feeling this self judgement around it, I’ve drawn people and energies that take advantage of this which drives me deeper down into hiding.

Connecting with this part (who is calling herself Pandora) and giving her space and love has sparked more desire in me already. I feel open, curious, reverential, and joyful even while feeling the deep sadness, pain and especially the neutrality.


Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: