90 Days With My Parts: Day 30-
This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.
Christopher: Good morning, Mother.
Mother: Blessed morning, dearest Christopher. What is in your heart this morning?
C: Well, I was lying in bed and getting an irritation about this blog. I checked in with my parts, specifically Simon and Nathaniel, and they are feeling a bit torn on this blog in the moment. I offered what you mentioned to Simon about taking some time off and they seemed to like that idea.
M: Okay. What is behind that? I guess my question is why are you telling me this?
C: I can feel a part of me asking for permission, looking for an okay.
M: Mmm. I see. I am going to let you handle this one dearest Christopher. They need to hear it from you. You are the SFH self not me, my son. I feel you already know my answer.
C: You are right. Thank you for reflecting that back to me.
M: That is one of the ways I serve.
C: I am getting that. Okay…good morning, Simon.
Simon: Morning, Christopher.
C: I was feeling all of our desire to postpone the blog. Why do you feel the desire?
S: I guess I just want to journal with you without the feeling it is being published. It is hard for me to get totally vulnerable with you knowing that. Plus I don’t feel as close to you when we type it as when we write it. I can also feel like this is another task.
C: I have felt this in you for a while. You talked to Mother about this. Do you remember what she said?
S: She said the most important thing was me and my needs.
C: We felt that a postponement was a negotiation, right?
S: Yes, we did.
C: That takes in consideration your needs, as well as Nathaniel’s.
C: But I feel something in you that is struggling with that desire.
S: I can feel that I don’t want to disappoint Jillian, Wayne, and Kathleen. When I say that I can feel how that is just an old way I would have felt this. I know that they would be behind this 100%. They would support us even if we decided not to do it anymore. They would just want to feel what was behind the decision. The feeling. No judgment, just data.
C: Yes, exactly. This is a sovereign, self-loving choice. It is negotiated with your needs, my needs, and the needs of my other parts. This is the backbone of SoulFullHeart. It may be a day, a week, or a month. That is a real-time decision made between us. The only permission we need is our own self-permission, in which arises our own self-authority.
S: I noticed the word ‘author’ in authority.
C: Yeah! Good catch. We get to author our own story, not someone else.
S: That is way cool. We pulled a Wayne and Yeshua!
C: I think we did, buddy. How does that help you feel about taking some time off?
S: I feel lighter about it.
C: I feel that already in my body. Anything else before I talk to Nathaniel?
S: I don’t think so.
C: Okay. We will talk later. Good morning, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: Good morning, Christopher.
C: What were you feeling about this decision?
N: I was feeling the need to be a little less outed. I was feeling a need to connect with you privately as well. We have just gotten to know each other and this feels a little less personal to me. I understand the power of this container, and would like to participate in it when I feel a bit more connected to you. I was feeling a little “dog and pony” about it.
C: Hmmm. Yeah. There might some of that in there. I felt that we were authentic though, for the most part.
N: Oh, yes. We certainly were. My words were true to my heart as were yours. It was just an image that came to me. I want to feel a deeper desire to share. One that comes with more time with you privately.
C: Okay. That is what we felt together this morning.
N: I am grateful for the times with Mother and I hope that others can feel how we all have that connection, not just a select few. It is a connection that I want to share, but also want to have privately as well.
C: Yes. Well said. I feel we can share whatever experiences you wish to share after some time.
N: I like that idea. Thank you, Christopher. I feel your leadership in this decision. You will make a great king someday.
C: Wow. Thank you, Nathaniel. That is really amazing to hear. And you will be my wise guide.
N: I would like that.
Mother: Before you end, Christopher, what is your part in this decision?
C: I was noticing that their feelings are my feelings. I need to advocate for myself. Even though I have changed, and am changing, because of this blog, that doesn’t mean I won’t stop changing. I am not going to stop journaling. I have enjoyed sharing myself, but I also wonder where it is landing. My parts are becoming suspect as well. I know my SoulFullHeart family takes them in. I desire to continue the 90 Days because I want to for myself and because I know it is being digested by them. I feel this decision as a growth point for me.
M: Indeed, Christopher. I can feel your heart and your desire to share with the world. This is part of your purpose. You are discovering that with these blogs. You are also teaching with these as well. You are demonstrating advocacy, self-love, sovereignty, and authority. I am honoured to have been a part of it.
C: Thank you so much, Mother. That goes way in. No time in my life has 30 days done so much to help me discover who I am and what I am capable of. I want that to continue.
M: Then it shall be so.
C: Thanks to all of you who have been reading this the last 30 days. I am changed because of your heart taking it in as well. I am honoured you have been a part of it. I will pick it back up when my heart calls.
Much love and gratitude,
My name is Christopher Tydeman and I’ve been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since March, 2012. I am a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and I hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. I was invited by Jillian and Wayne Vriend, co-creators of SoulFullHeart, to begin my own 90 day outing. In the next 90 days, I will be vulnerably sharing my SoulFullHeart process publicly. It will include journaling from one or more of my parts, my daemon, the Divine Mother, or all of them in one big group love fest. You will meet Simon, who is my self-image part or prime monarch; Nathaniel, who is an aspect of my Daemon; Angela, who is my newly arising feminine part; and Peter, who is my magical child. I will not be sharing anything they do not want to share, or I may process with them until they feel comfortable. This is a healing crucible for me, but also a look into the inner world of this way of life called SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.com for more about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.