Practical Ascension Vlog Series: Social Area Of Life Introduction

SoulFullHeart Teachers, Facilitators and Sacred Union mates, Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri, offer a new perspective and lens for the social area of life. This is the first video of several where they will be exploring this topic through the SoulFullHeart lens and their personal experiences of Ascension and deep healing in this area.

In this video, they give an overview of social reality from a 3D/4D/5D perspective and they touch on topics such as: relationships based in duty and obligation or ‘binds’ instead of heart and soul ‘bonds’; the process of awakening and the impact on relationships plus the need to be willing to let go of relationships that aren’t awakening with you; the impact of leaving relationships and the grace it offers to all parties involved; the overall benefit to you and your parts as you let in more self love and Divine love while letting go of non-resonant relationships… among so many others, which is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this area, that runs so deep and is such a potent source of wounding and healing, both.

If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them in the comment thread here on Youtube or find us on Facebook (just look for Kalayna Colibri and/or Gabriel Heartman and/or SoulFullHeart Way Of Life!). You can also email soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

These are the questions for this area of life that you can go into on your own, as they appear in the 3D/4D/5D Selves and The 7 Key Areas Of Life article (http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com…):

How did you locate yourself related to the social area of life – as primarily a 3D, 4D or 5D consciousness and why?

What are your frustrations in the social area?

What are your desires in the social area?

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Donations are so appreciated and received with gratitude as an energy exchange in the offering of this series for free through paypal: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations or the SoulFullHeart Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

 

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The Making Of A New Year Is Up To You

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“But what is ascension but growth, and what is growth but a series of deaths and rebirths.”

Our relationship to time is a fickle thing looking at it through a different lens. We create an ‘other’ out of a year and tell it what we thought of it as it walks out of the door of the home we built together 365 days ago. Sometimes, I feel 2017 getting a collective kick in the ass and I feel for it. I feel for every year that gets wrapped up in expectation and then withers into discontent by March. (Yeah, that bully March. Just doesn’t know when it has something good.)

So much projection onto our time capsules. That which we have created to give us direction and a viewfinder for measurement. I have no ill will toward 2017. It was a noble servant of Love as it brought up so much of our collective shadow, and maybe that is what some of the reactions may be about. We are responding to what is unconsciously percolating on the inside. A disclosure of our enclosure.

We have our own personal relationship to 2017, each that was a story created by our individual and collective consciousnesses. There were some bumps in the road for me emotionally that were all perfectly laid for this new lift into leadership, romantic relationship, and inner ambassadorship. A part of me has looked back at moments with some questioning and remorse, but in hindsight it couldn’t have been any other way as I now find myself in a beautiful vantage point.

Each new year gets to be as we choose it to be, even as those choices create tension, reaction, and conflict. It is all a part of the ascension process. But what is ascension but growth, and what is growth but a series of deaths and rebirths. It is also reunion. A re-unit-ing of all our suppressed and unfelt parts of us still in trauma or dischord as well as our soul aspects spread across time and space dimensions. The balm of this growth and the connective tissue of this reunion is Love.

Love is the guiding light of all our choices even when they don’t feel like love to a part of us. There is a way in which we have care-taken parts of us and others in the name of Love. When we get to the core of what we are truly feeling in our emotional body and compare it to where we want and need to be, the sacred path reveals itself. Holding space for those choices is what we are here to offer.

2018 feels like an epic year personally and collectively. How we relate to it is truly up to us in all the ups and downs it may bring, which is what we subscribed to even before it has hung up its clothes on its side of our closet. In this moment you can choose the INtention, breathe in the desire that is baking in the oven, and then let go of what actually comes out of the oven one year from now, “cuz it ain’t gonna be what you thought it might be”. None of us do.

What we can choose is to feel all of the edges of what we truly want and the fears that come up in response. We can walk through these together and create a New Earth Consciousness and authentic heart and soul resonance with transparency and vulnerability as the fuel of this merkabah we call SoulFullHeart.  Many heartfelt wishes to you in this arising New You Year.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Mourning Dove’s Song: An Ode To Your Arising Flight

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Listen to the breeze for in it speaks your heart

The angelic voice of your heavenly home

And the breath of the passion that stokes your wayward climb

In the silence of the air there is a stillness

A pregnant pause to feel what is about to be released

What needs to let go of in order to fly

In the vastness of your forgotten essence

There is a pin drop moment that sends the mourning dove song

Throughout the reaches of the tender roots

Of your once anchored life within the sacred soil of your past

The burning embers of what used to fuel your days

Are but dying out and falling down

As the tears of your inner world’s broken heart

This daybreak light now shines in the hallowed places

Of the love-hidden parts of your pain

That are finding their safety in the wings of your new found power

The reality of your own necessary choices

Offer a reflection of what was needed to survive

But now imbibe the very reason for this most glorious deliverance

Into the next phase of your soul-embodied remembrance

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Permanence Of The Impermanent

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Kalayna and I just re-homed her dog Canela that she has had for two years. This was not an easy or quick decision. New timeline shifts and increased leadership invitations highlighted a realization that this very active canine needed a new environment and attention that we just weren’t able to provide for her. That of course brought up inner judgments around what is responsible as there can be so much collective charge around this issue. That of course has its truth and its projection.

Ultimately it came down to an understanding that we are not always meant to continue relationships with anything or anyone. Canela served us as we served her. It was a mutually needed and agreed connection. She provided so much joy and triggering process both, all in the service of Love. Then there comes a time when you can see the writing on the wall about the future, but parts of us can continue to disregard it due to any various reasons for the attachment.

A relationship of any kind, be it human or animal, is loaded with projected needs that are almost always inside of us. It is feeling into those needs that provide a clearer emotional reality. To continue a relationship based on an inner wounding does nothing to serve you or the other half of the relationship. Canela needed to serve love and receive more attention. Did we care and love her? Yes, absolutely. So much so that it was time to let her go. She is now loving up an extraordinary 6 year old angel boy and big-hearted family.

As with our human relationships, those that we continue to exchange with, yet do not resonate on the same emotional and spiritual bandwidth, are only serving something smaller in both. We are choosing to shape-shift into a lowered frequency which only serves as a signal to the other that we don’t feel they can change either, or parts of us don’t want them too. This is hard to accept on so many levels. It is the Jagged Little Pill.

Nothing is meant to be permanent in our relationships. We invest in them with full body, heart, and soul and divest ourselves from any outcome of duration. Our 3D condtioning has parts of us feeling locked in through many different energies such as guilt, shame, judgement, and fear. These are all necessary parts of our walking out and are held with much compassion.

When we are willing to bring our authentic truth with an open and vulnerable heart, to ourselves and those we are in relationship with, can we begin a new timeline for both. Sometimes that results in deepening, other times it is a temporary completion. This is done in a very negotiated and compassionate way with your parts. The fear of the fallout is what scares us the most.

As ascension energies continue to raise the frequency, so shall our relationship to ourselves and other begin to shift and change. This is a necessary and integral part of what we are here to experience and heal. Canela is raised up to a higher timeline now. She represents so much of what has been needed to be felt inside as we continue our own personal journeys. A reflection of our goodness and our woundings both. For that alone she was a blessing in brown fur.

All of us in SoulFullHeart continue to let in the new and that we too will not be together forever. As we continue our explorations and serving of love we will always be connected by heart as long as we continue to grow and change. As we recognize and revere the permanence of our impermanence.
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Join us this Saturday for our next SoulFullHeart group call with Raphael and Jelelle Awen at 11:11am CST. We do ask for a minimum $11USD love donation to receive the Zoom link. We will be discussion current and upcoming energy updates as well as how SoulFullHeart the process opens new doorways into embodying your highest timeline and Higher Self.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

The Healing Of The Family Shaman

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Even though this particular Thanksgiving doesn’t have the same meaning for me as it once did, I find myself dialing back to my former self and consciousness. It is an tender exercise that helps me to feel the part of me that was so invested in the social particulars of this day. To even be feeling it again means there is something that is wanting to be felt.

The term “family shaman” came to me once when speaking to someone that was in the SoulFullHeart Process. It was the dynamic created when one member of a family was awakening and a healer, even if unconsciously, and wanted to assist in transmuting energies and offering light to raise awareness and frequency.

I recall taking on this role with my family especially during large gatherings such as today. When you have come into this life as a healer and a way-shower, it can be hard to be in social circumstances without feeling the energies and wanting them to find health. If those that are around us are not in the space to take in the healing, then you, the one who is trying to heal, are often left with parts of you in frustration and rejection, even if they are not felt consciously.

There can be feeling of purpose and duty as the family shaman. I felt it was something that I was called to do to help heal the collective family unit. However, I soon realized that unless others are actively engaging in their own healing, any efforts may fall at the door of their protector and inner defenses. The need to transmute others may be a reflection of something that is needed to be transmuted inside ourselves. And that is when I began to feel myself more and go outward less.

Though we are born healers it doesn’t mean we don’t need our own healing. In fact we need more healing. More inner work. More self-love to be ready for all that is being asked of us to serve in a greater context that is beyond our intimate familial and social circles. These are our training and awaken grounds but not our ultimate theater.

Drawing our boundaries and making more self-loving choices will assist in our own personal ascension and thus paving the way for others to join us should they be personally called. No one needs saving. They need our courage to be an example of what true health and self-compassion are all about. They need our inner light to shine from within and be invited to into their own journey of discovery. This is turning the shaman inwards and upwards where it was always meant to be.

Many blessings and gratitude to all that are serving love each and every day, especially from you to you.

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Kalayna Colibri and I will be talking about our own personal experiences with the SoulFullHeart Process and how it can help serve your healing, growth, and deepening service with Love. We will be hosting a Livestream event this Saturday at 11:11am CST on Facebook and YouTube. More info here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1508742299214244/

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

BEing Thanks On This Day Of Thanks-Giving: Invitation From Archangel Metatron & Jelelle

By Jelelle Awen

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On this thanks-giving day, you can give thanks….yet, too, you are invited to BE thanks.

BEing thanks arises as your authenticity comes through. Warmed under the sunshine of your self acceptance and self love, you can BEcome a BEacon of truth and realness. Your daring to be authentic, bravery to be real, willingness to be vulnerable invites others to BE the same.

Rather than change your frequency to fit, settle, or shrink to those around you, you can sit in the seat of your authentic YOU. You can be the calm in the middle of the family storm. You can be the heart in the sometimes coldness. You can be the pulse of life in the deadness. You can be the lift in the heaviness.

BEing thanks arises as you can see and feel beyond this ‘day’ of thanksgiving as it is celebrated in the 3D ways, yet connect to the Web Of Life that connects everything and everyone. Filled up with this sense of unified soulfulness, you feel your connection to All the Me’s and to all the We’s on Gaia, coming together during this great transition from 3D to 4D to 5D and beyond. You can feel the deeper and bigger and wider context that this offers to any moments that could feel ordinary.

BEing thanks arises as compassion for your own inner family moves you to feel genuine gratitude for all the parts inside of you and how they have served your growth and well being…even your capacity to be ALIVE. You can BE gratitude for your Inner Protector and their vigilance, guarding, loyalty, complete FOCUS on keeping you safe. You can BE appreciation for your Inner Teenager and Inner Child and their innocence, purity, passions, aliveness that are preserved INside. You can BE thankful for the performances of your Inner Punisher, Inner Mother, Inner Father, and all the other frequencies that have stepped in to perform the characters in your 3D play of life out of necessity.

BEing thanks arises as you breathe in this moment how much support surrounds you and holds you. You can connect to the Angels eager to ‘meet you halfway’ as you raise your frequency UP to theirs. You can speak with, communion with, talk light language with your Star Family as you heal the blocks of fear in reaching out to them. You can open up to experience the merging and overlapping timelines from these BEings that want to fill you up with light and sense of your BIGGEST self within your human body.

BEing thanks arises as you let in the MORE than enough goodness that is available in this moment. When you feel deep reverence for the sovereignty and choices of living BEings and understand them on a soul level. When you get can let in the LOVE for which you already ARE. When you can feel the abundant and Infinite Gratitude FOR life as it is right now in this now and is available in ALL nows.

And so it IS always and in ALL ways,

Blessings and love to YOU in BEing thanks together. We are BEing thanks WITH you,

Archangel Metatron and Jelelle

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Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Letting Go In Order To Have

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By Raphael Awen

Try as I would, quite a number of years ago now, I would often fall asleep watching movies with my ex-wife and 2 daughters. I wanted to be there for sure, but other parts of me were deep into other life content. ‘I’ had the cover of just being sleepy on a tummy full of pizza after a long day’s work, and would do the all too familiar drift off on the couch, until I heard the ‘Just go to bed, Dad’.

We are collectively at a similar place in the narrative right now, except the movie is being played out in real life, kinda like live streaming. Many are asleep and just can’t wake up, and I would say, that even though that is disappointing and even tragic to those of us who are awake, it feels like them remaining asleep is what is meant to be, by their higher selves.

Not all of consciousness needs to be awake at the same time for the awakening to occur. It feels more like some of us need to be asleep for the awakening to occur as those that are asleep anchor another polarity aspect of the collective movement. We are all in this together at a higher level achieving the same thing, for the one being that we are.

It’s distressing to us when we feel a distance creep in though between us and our loved ones when we can’t enjoy or be moved by the same movie, now finding ourselves even taking roles within a larger real life story that are ‘against’ one another.

In my awakening and the underlying anxiety of awakening first and losing connection with family and friends, I found myself trying to embody being the best example for them, which worked for a time, giving part of me a sense of mission and purpose playing the ‘being the largest soul in the room’ game. Eventually though, I reached the edges of the no-go boundaries as I pressed against the Christian fundamentals we were all apart of. Here, my friends and family were clearly faced with a loyalty to Jesus and God, vs a loyalty to me. It’s quite a pretzel for a family to go through and it was a slow moving unexpected cataclysm for all of us in many ways. They advocated for a ‘let’s just agree on what we do agree on’ kind of stance, while also being unwilling to talk openly about how they felt I was deceived. I eventually dropped my end of the rope though in this conflict realizing a couple things. One was that I could no longer be in relationships with people who held both love for me along with hidden disdain for me, as I was finding and feeling the parts of myself that had disdain for each other, and coming to deep personal self love reconciliation. The other realization was about how my tugging on friends and family when they were resistant to me was another unhealthy recapitulation of ‘making do with crumbs’ when life was offering me a full meal.

Choosing yourself at these junctures of life changes the timelines and trajectories of your life big time. It also undermines some of our deepest existential securities, or insecurities rather, about family ‘always being there for you’. I personally have sons in laws and grandchildren I haven’t met because of the playouts of these choices. The pain of that has been processed and felt at the time of the choice and it now actually lives in me as my highest love gift to myself, them and the universe to be living a separated timeline and having no contact while we are living planets apart in values and belief systems. To be shrinking in a patched together pretense of harmony, with underlying and unprocessed disdain would only be something that could work for me if it was an outer reflection of an inner reality. If you change the inside, you will naturally come to mirror that change outside in life as all of this has a one to one correlation, inviting you to choice points to be able to go on to your next growth points.

This is the real life movie, where the price of admission is your life as you currently know it, negotiated out one self loving step at a time, but costly nonetheless. It’s costly because you are, as Jesus spoke to in a parable, selling all that you have to purchase the pearl of great price, that you surprisingly stumbled upon. You are leaving one cult in favour of another. You’re switching theatres mid movie. You are choosing your higher timeline. The price of admission is now seen as small having seen what the new story is about that life and you are admitting yourself into.

If you can’t see it this way, it may well be that you aren’t meant to. None of us are until we are, and god forbid that we would arrive at any such choice point before being readied for it to ample degree to be able to walk it out. Togetherness or integrity requires for you to live in deepest conscious alignment with your deepest values and beliefs, and anyone trying to tug on you to see otherwise is either wasting their time or just being abusive from the ground of their own insecurities. ‘They’, the ones you are letting go, need this as much as you do. Peace comes when a self permission and respect extends from your own insides, the kind you have ‘you to you’ that then extends to others along with your boundary of what you cannot be a part of any longer. A new alignment of sovereignty occurs where family members go on accepting this as a co-created reality.

There isn’t any way you living into your bigness won’t present you with painful choice points, but my truth is opting for the new and larger pair of shoes, will alleviate a lot more pain in the end. Resisting your own growth is the deeper ‘suffering over suffering’. We all have unavoidable pain in growth, the key though is to find where we are in a stuck suffering loop. We are not meant to live in managed ongoing suffering. We are meant to go through a compressing birth canal into a brave new and exciting world.

I have found that alive new world socially and personally for myself, while also feeling an open heart towards those co-actors from the previous stages of my life, that we all wrote together. I can love the people in my present as gifts to my growth and learning with an open hand similarly, having found an ever deepening home in my own heart, that no loss can ever take from me.

Ultimately, we let go of every relationship we form, and every thing we obtain, except the one relationship we form with ourselves, which is a relationship with the all, wherein we are eventually remembered with all the parts of the whole.

Audio of this blog can be found here: https://youtu.be/O_yK5Plf518

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Inner Matriarch And Wounded Feminine Legacy

by Kalayna Colibri

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Messages of being a warrior, how to stand up to men… conditioning around fighting, especially for our equality, in a world that seems to want anything but. Over-expressing our sexuality in an unemotional or emotionally immature way, or choosing to deny its presence altogether… there is so much templating going on, so many living examples of how to become a matriarch – strong, unsentimental, yet very often unfeeling too. All of this is an expression of the pain and wounds inflicted by a patriarchal culture, yes, and it is all a reflection of how a part of each of us has chosen to be and act in reaction to it. As a collective, modern womanhood has successfully buried what it means to be soft and still, especially as the Inner Matriarch, who is often also the Inner Mother, typically has never been offered a sense of what healthy womanhood is or could be, and thus wants to believe that softness is weakness, the mind and body are ultimately what matter over the heart, and that femininity means building a self-image of femininity that is often depicted in ways that at the core, are actually another expression of the wounded masculine, but with a feminine face.

The Inner Matriarch forms inside of you, following your nearest feminine conditioning while growing up, passed down by your mother or another female caregiver. Even if the influence seems subtle, it is likely working inside of you in many ways, including how you express or choose not to express your sexuality, how you feel about your gender, how you feel about and relate to men and other women as well, and how you navigate many other aspects of your life too. The Inner Matriarch, in this way, is also the Inner Mother – a significant part of any woman, that carries within her the legacy of the matriarchal lineage in her birth family, often to a large degree.

It can be challenging when living out this conditioning, to even realize this is what’s happening. So many patterns are being relived by you that your mother and likely her mother before her also lived out… or, this part of you could be trying to deliberately choose to do the opposite, yet somehow, there is something still playing out that runs parallel to the matrilineal conditioning and grooming. It’s nearly impossible to feel what this legacy really has held for this part of you until you have taken the space necessary from your own birth mother in order to truly feel it. The Inner Matriarch that could be leading much of your decision-making and relating to self and others in your life as you have known it so far, will blend into the tapestry woven by the other women in influence in your birth family and sometimes also in your group of friends. This is why the advocacy for space and going inward is so invaluable.

The Inner Matriarch is often a way in which the pervasive patriarchal culture gets to live on… she has had to become the way she is in order to stand up to and survive in this environment, or so she has been so deeply conditioned to believe. It takes more than the  ‘inner strength’ of any female warrior archetype… it takes the strength of vulnerably feeling where the damage and hurt have been inflicted, bringing it back inward into your heart, and letting feeling waves in. It takes the courage to take the next step to even acknowledge this part of you, to feel and own the conditioning she has had and needed for so long, and to let in that something new could arise. The true feminine arising is a mystery wrapped in an enigma at times, with a soft touch that can also challenge and set boundaries as needed, without nastiness, pettiness or cruelty and without an all-out suppression of inner truth on the flipside of that.

There is a balance that can be lived into, where the rose of feminity can wrap around a healthy, vulnerable spine made of self-love and worth, coupled with a healing and humbled heart that now gets to lead the way… and this is what is offered as the Inner Mother and Matriarch gets felt and begins to heal from the long, long road she has been walking for so long, softening into the frequencies of a Sacred Queen. This is also what opens out the possibility of a nourishing Sacred Union romance with frequencies of heart, body and soul resonance that are nearly impossible to feel with the intensity of a wounded Inner Matriarch expressing predominantly in your life. There is much to go into and feel with her, yet it is all worth it as you begin to realize what your own version of the authentic and ever-arising feminine self is and could become as you move into more and more healing on all levels of your being. ❤

 


 

For more information about going into your own SoulFullHeart process and having space held for this part and other parts of you, please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess. We would love to serve love with you on your own journey into your deepest healing possibilities and timelines…. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Healing The Patriarchy From Within

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Years ago, early in my healing process, I needed to take time away from family. I needed to feel myself outside the familial conditioning to really get a good feel for who I, Gabriel, really was. I needed to feel the ways in which I had been influenced to perceive myself and the world around me. This was especially true for my relationship to my father as he played a big part in my masculine conditioning and relationship to others, both male and female. He had many different effects on me that formed wounded aspects inside myself. I needed to hold and feel those parts of me as a new father template in order to relate differently to the world and others around me.

I remember as a boy my mother would tell me at times how much my father would remind her of his father, my grandfather. I remember feeling that in my own self as I became older, taking on so many physical and personal mannerisms. Taking on the family male legacy of anger and alcohol, the perception of women, and the internalizing of the patriarchal need for control and reason. As my parents divorced and my mother remarried, I took in another father figure that had just as much influence but in different ways. The Inner Father imprint was becoming embedded and it had its effect on my own sense of authenticity.  Who was I really when I was trying to listen to my own internalized father figure?

This part of us takes on a 3D patriarchal energy that comes from the more collective psychic wounding. It is one that has influenced my relationships with women and men. It has filtered my receptivity and openness to possibilities. My own inner feminine was a kept maiden, not feeling safe enough to express and emote. My inner child was suppressed to keep things in a serious and logical framework. Not much play in the world of the patriarch.

But in the unearthing and untangling of the inner father, you find the reasons for it all. There is no bad guy in the process of healing and integrating. Going into my own inner father wounds, I could feel the grander heart of the Masculine at large. The power of sovereignty and compassionate truth-telling. The desire to end the war within and be in collaborative balance with the feminine.  I could feel the the edges of my unworthiness and the real fear of surrendering to what needs to be reflected back at me as part of my growth and opening heart.

Through the process, my inner father takes a step to the side of me and becomes more of a brother, and then as the defenses soften, a younger, more boyish quality comes in and he begins to feel like a son.  I could feel my own biological father in more of his essence, encouraging me to continue on my healing journey and becoming like a guide to me along the way. It is a remaking of the past within the present moment where all things truly exist. A healing that has quantum effects between our hearts and souls and those of the collective father and son relationship.

The harder, less flexible side of me began to soften, be less defensive and more reflective. It has become less linear and more open to surrendering to the moment and letting the flow of life have its way while still holding personal will and desire in the mix.  When I do feel this energy arise I can feel what is underneath the frustration and need for control. Usually a deep wound of feeling powerless and overwhelmed in a world that feels like survival is the only reason to be alive. As I connect more with the Divine Father inside me. the more my own inner father can rest and let go of his Reign, which can feel very existential to them as the control is all they have ever known.

In the letting go, the suppressed feminine energies within can arise and begin to dance with the healing masculine and create a balanced energy that can penetrate while letting go of the outcome and the need for a particular result. It opens the heart to a more dynamic and authentic relationship with women in general and more specifically in a co-creative sacred union partnership. It shifts the collective patriarchal energetic structure and helps lead a new paradigm of leadership and stewardship of a New Earth and New Sacred Humanity.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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When A Mother Becomes A Woman

Me and Mama

I’m feeling so grateful in this moment for my mom, Jelelle Awen. I got a fever and a full body rash a couple of weeks ago and ended up bunking with her and Raphael until now. Last night was my last night before moving into my new place, (granted, it’s a floor below them…) but this period of time healed a lot for parts of me. I spent many years in Canada living with my mom and Raphael but of course, prior to beginning this healing process, I had a very different relationship with them.

I checked in with my 3D protector last night and felt an overwhelm of gratitude and appreciation for not only her mother frequencies when I need them, but also her as a woman. Parents sometimes become these vilified people in our lives, especially as teenagers. They boss you around and have so many expectations for you that may not even fit the picture you have for your life. It’s hard to remember that they have their own pain too, their own desires and wants and needs.

Parts of me tried so hard to push her away when I was younger, not being able to handle her desire for my own bigness. Recently I’ve been reading books that she’s written about certain stages in her life, first Under the Bloated Banyan and now Keep Waking Up. It left me in tears last night, feeling how genuine her pain was. How hard she worked to feel it and heal it all, down to its very core and up to its expansive reach. Then I started to see her as a woman, just like me, and a flood of admiration flowed through me.

She’s mentioned to me a couple of times that she doesn’t want me to go to my new place, despite its proximity. Every time it makes my heart swell because these last few weeks have meant so much to me and felt like they healed something in the way I used to relate to her. Instead of hiding away in my room, my door is wide open, hoping she’ll poke her head in to talk. Part of me feels guilty for the way I treated her then, but it was what I needed to do at the time.

It’s humbling to read these books and feel how much I can relate to some of the things she’s felt. Part of me put her on a pedestal for a long time, and usually not in a good way. It’s also heart opening to feel her pain of being so imaginative and heart open but expressing it in these multidimensional and life changing ways that made some people see her as “weird” or worse. It hurts me to think I, or anyone else, has ever felt her as anything less than she is, a gorgeous soul rooted in love.

One sweet message that came from connecting with my 3D protector is this: “She’s the closest thing to the divine that I’ve been able to let in.” I love you, Jelelle. Thank you for creating SoulFullHeart so I can feel you as a woman and a mother in a whole new light. I’m so glad my soul chose you.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.