Moving Beyond Fear-Based ‘Tolerance’ Of Dissonance During Awakenings & Growth

by Kasha Rokshana

“Tolerance” is really such a terrible word. I don’t particularly like it. Because it makes parts of us feel like they are obliged to let things go that really they shouldn’t have to. It’s one of the most misinformed tenants of modern society. Tolerance is not compassion or understanding, let alone love, and it actually typically comes from fear, especially the fear of you yourself not being ‘tolerated’ let alone actually felt or understood.

If you find yourself tolerating a dead marriage, a dead relationship to birth family, a dead connection to your livelihood, rather than seeking and humbly taking risks for the sake of aliveness, then you’re likely in a place of having been coached, told, conditioned into feeling like as long as you’re tolerating these dead things, you’re ‘doing something right’ and dare I say, even reaching the carrot of ‘enlightenment’.

No one is entitled to your tolerance, not even the parts of you that ask for it. Just as people on the outside of you basically tell you ‘don’t look over here, you have to accept me as I AM’, parts of you can do that too. They don’t want you to see their manipulative strategies or ways of controlling the people in your life that you don’t resonate with so that they don’t have to experience real and true growth and what actually COULD become possible in ALL of your relationships.

Tolerance becomes intolerance, sometimes quickly, as awakenings happen and these awakenings lead quickly to depression and anxiety when this intolerance is not honoured or felt. You are changing. And if you’re a big soul, you’ve likely felt how quickly you change and shift at times and are oftentimes tiptoeing around your relationships rather than letting your awakenings truly ride with you into a new life phase.

Death and rebirth is always a part of awakening, whether it’s the kind of death and rebirth that is very, very dark for a time or the kind that is actually much easier to move through. I can assure you though, that if parts of you still buy the 3D Matrix or New Age Spirituality Matrix shit of ‘you have to find a way to make this work because that’s what real love does’, then you are in for more difficulty, not less, whether it manifests in physical illness, emotional waves you fall under rather than feel able to come to terms with (note, I didn’t say ‘control’), or a feeling of existential crisis that keeps growing until parts of you can no longer stuff it down.

Awakening, truly expanding into your heart and soul and letting them lead, is not about tolerating anything or anyone. Yet, as this intolerance is felt and honoured, true compassion can be felt as well as authentic passion. You change, and even if the people around you can’t, you are empowered to navigate your way through that and find new people to be around, even if you need a phase of being ‘alone’ (which is never alone, truly, for the Divine is ALWAYS there and sometimes it takes the lonely feelings to actually drop into Its arms at last).

If you truly have a penchant for your deepest growth, you’ll find a way to feel what you’ve been allowing that actually doesn’t feel good to you. Our gut honesty is what brings us the most growth and the most Divine alignment, even in all its messiness and absolute dearth of glamour. There is NO such thing as an ‘ugly cry’, especially when what you’re feeling is the grief of what perhaps once worked, what once was beautiful and resonant, and you’re feeling into letting it go for the sake of all involved…

I love you. Keep feeling. Keep moving beyond tolerance and you WILL find your truth, whether you end up needing to move into deep life change right away or not. Your awakenings will deepen and your experience of your soul will too, even in all of the waves of exquisite sadness, necessary rage, and openings into bittersweet bliss.

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Healing The Ancestral Ties That Bind

Working with a current facilitant/soul sister in our SoulFullHeart healing work has illuminated the power of ancestral and familial lineages. They hold DEEP third and fourth dimensional conditionings, contracts, and karmic binds. There are stories/psychic energies that pervade our emotional and spiritual bodies that can also wreak havoc on the physical body.

The process is a bit like untangling a knotted ball of different string, each one connected to a family member, relative, or ancestor. This disentanglement is a deep dive into how we have taken on so much of our family’s wounding and even our own culture’s assumptions, views, and ingrained beliefs about ourselves as men, women, humanity, and life itself.

There is no ‘easy’ way to do this. One might be able to transcend this ball for a time, but it does live deep within our DNA and our subconscious. There are those that see and feel the need for meeting and untangling this lineage for all the gifts that it can offer in regards to the awakening of who and what we really are in our individuated and Divine Self purpose.

It is also a way to see what is good and true about our ancestral lineage underneath the hijacked version of it. We all come from very powerful and beautiful branches off the same sacred human tree. Over the decades, centuries, and millennia there has been a corrosive influence within each of these lineages, or ‘lines over the ages’. As you heal each one of them back to its source, you purify and beautify them back to their origins within you.

It is a deep and transformative clearing, met at times with anger and rage, other times with deep and guttural tears for all that you have held as the One who has chosen to heal this line before this incarnation. ‘The Ancestral Buck Stops Here’ imprinted on your soul badge. This is an epic, brave, and courageous task to uphold. It is also not easy.

This is why we take one step at a time to meet it all with grace, compassion, and self-love. Sometimes you may not even know you have signed up for this kind of mission until you deepen in your healing journey. Once you start on a personal healing path, you find something even more quantum and bigger than yourself.

This is not meant to be seen as a David vs. Goliath, but rather a piece-by-piece, part-by-part, aspect-by-aspect unfolding. One that strips away all that you thought was yours and no longer wants to be. You arise into an unknown and unknowable You, while integrating all that is real and beautiful from where you came.

This is dedicated to all of those that have taken on this path and continue to do so. Thank you for your service and your transformation. It is a gift to the world and the lineage you have come from. If you wish to know more about how SoulFullHeart can assist in this ancestral and familial healing, please get in touch for a free 45-minute introductory call at: http://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Inner Discovery, Outer Changes: Truly Embracing Your Bigness

by Kasha Rokshana

There are a couple of truths that I’ve lived into and that I’ve supported others in sessions to live into, and they are:

In a world at ‘war’, the only place you can end it is within.

In life circumstances that are abusive on ANY level, the only place you can reconcile that is within.

And then, another even bigger truth, is that there’s a potent invitation from the Divine and your Divine Self as you live into this. This invitation is to take outer action, rooted in the deeper inner work/remembering/healing processes within your clearing heart and soul soil, and rippling out into your life circumstances.

This doesn’t mean joining the ‘war’ that others insist on living out from their own inner worlds, for that self-righteous energy you’ll inevitably become doesn’t serve you or them and will always end in a stalemate (I’ve lived this one out a few times!) and/or some slight openings in your relationship that won’t last unless they are truly on the same page of doing some dedicated deep-diving inside.

It seems like it’s somewhat controversial to offer that not only setting boundaries but sometimes choosing to leave inherently non-resonant relationships of ALL kinds is actually GOOD for you and for them. You weren’t ultimately meant to live only in these grounds which will always lead to battling somehow or a reality of ‘pushing against’ on some level, even if it’s mostly energetic and not so much outright anymore.

The role of the ‘awakener’ or ‘red-piller’ of others is one rooted not in your inner peace or sanctuary but in parts of you that are afraid to be alone and in surrender to the unknown, to experience that biting (yet also alchemical) loneliness and fear that can really hurt and drop you, truly drop you, into what’s REAL inside of you and in your life. Whenever I’ve taken on this role with others, there’s been huge resentment on all sides and a self-centered ‘holier-than-thou’ energy that I had to realize was about tugging on those around me rather than truly loving them. It was about trying to arise into my own bigness and be seen by them rather than letting them go their way as I go mine.

This letting go of your end of the rope is where your real mission and sense of purpose can stem from, as you allow the space to recover from what parts of you once thought of as ‘normal’. The karmic layout of these relationships completes when you, as your awakening/integrating Divine Self, decide that it’s done. So often this is left unrealized, yet it’s the most powerful ‘NO MORE’ you could say on behalf of yourself and all precious parts of you, plus any Metasoul aspects from other lifetimes at play.

I KNOW how difficult this is, as the vitriol and clamour you can draw out of those you are now saying ‘no’ to is painful to take in, revealing the deeper and more accurate reality of your relationships… you see where you have been shrinking to fit in order to keep up appearances or allow a connection to go on and on with some growth happening at times perhaps, yet now the dynamic has run out of ground and you (and they) need something else.

THIS is how you leave the Matrix of false light, false Mother/Father connections, etc. and can begin to reveal and heal how you’ve been a part of this dynamic from within you, where your own false light has lived. This is the ground where you can let the real Divine in, however that resonates for you. And it’s in this void where the truest Soul Family/Tribe connections can arrive and arise, for you’re now more in their frequency and no longer enabling your own suffering OR the suffering of those who know they are losing the parts of you they have known you as and asked you to stay fused to.

Arising into your true bigness is what this is about and as you TRULY do so, you sever the cords and unspoken contracts between yourself and others which are meant to either find new ground (for the sake of their own bigness awakening too) or dissolve completely (also for their sake and not just yours). You choose to walk away and move into your most authentic expression that ‘they’ will probably never get, nor perhaps are they meant to. Maybe that’s the toughest pill of awakening to swallow, to see through the once precious illusion of what has been let in as ‘love’ yet now you can start to see what living into and embodying love is truly about.

This does include walking away from government bodies too, not just your most intimate relationships. Your culture/country can also be said ‘no’ to, or at least the energies of it that aren’t resonant. You’re also invited to go against the grain of what’s normal or expected, choosing your places of rebellion as they fit and arise for you in your growing inner fire and truth.

This process may not suit everyone at this time as it really does have its own timing, yet it does feel so essential to feel into during this time of death and rebirth on the entire planet, let alone in your own precious lifetime… the dying, when it’s surrendered to, becomes the fertile soil from which the buds of the NEW Earth can be seeded and sprouted. With this dying comes a new way of LIVING that needn’t only be a pipe dream.

You don’t have to feel alone or unsupported in any of this as you open up to yourself and the Divine in a new way… if you resonate with what I’m offering from my own experience of this and what I’ve seen move in the processes of others, please feel free to contact me for a 45min intro call that’s free of charge so we can feel together if this process, way of life, and soul and heart community of SoulFullHeart may be a fit for you and you for it/us. You can find more info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

New Earth Needs Us To Choose It

I drew a boundary with my birth family and past friends about 9 years ago. I had chosen to ‘cross over’ in 2012 when that bridge opened up. There was nothing as divisive as Covid back then other than the politics of the day, which was still fairly polarizing.

Yet, I needed to fully step into this dimension I currently find myself with those that were doing, or had done, the same. My soul needed me to let go of the matrix I was born into and be reborn into something new. I couldn’t take the old with me unless they felt to ascend as well.

It was an expedited process, but one that needed to happen in order to fully be the Being, leader, and man I was called to be. No more smallness. No more suffering. No more lack of real Love. Sometimes growth and ascension come at a cost to parts of us so embedded in a deep-seeded need for what was thought of as ‘caring’.

The thing is is that I DID care. I cared about those that were closest to me at the time. I wanted something MORE for them. But I quickly realized that it was not their soul calling. It was not their path. I couldn’t make them come with me. I couldn’t ‘convince’ them or tug on them. This kind of journey can only be made by a soul choice.

Fast forward 9 years and we find ourselves in much more polarized and fearful times. Families and friends are at a crossroads together. Many are set in stone, many are arguing and battling, others are deeply confused and uncertain. This global situation is offering each of us a portal into our souls. Our deepest need and highest vision.

This may mean parting ways with those that you were once close to. Ones you feel you shouldn’t leave behind. There is a lot of Metasoul timeline bleed-through that is happening now and that has a big influence on our going-on places. There is also our unplugging from a matrix that we have become so intimately bought into that it is hard to unplug from. It is pervasive and intoxicating in its fear and its ability to seduce, distract, and numb.

These are not easy times for many. There are those of us that are being called to unplug, replug, and envision something new from the inside out. We are being called to join together in this vision, this healing, and this parting of the old. We are the seeds of New Earth, not the reformers of the past.

Difficult choices will be asked of us. We are being initiated each day into the New. Into our New Earth emissary and ambassador of Love to the matrix that we all co-created. What we choose today has an impact on tomorrow. The question is what does that ‘tomorrow’ look and feel like to you?

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Surrendering To Our Sovereign Relationship To Love

The words ‘sovereignty‘ and ‘surrender‘ can be quite the portals for the masculine in us all. They are especially highlighted in relationships of all kinds. In the ongoing journey of healing my intimacy wounds, I have come to these gateways many times. Who is this ‘me’ in the we of intimate relationship? How do I maintain my own truth, needs, and desires without feeling like I am acquiescing or submitting to someone else’s truth, needs, and desires?

Before I left California 8 years ago, I lived a life that would be defined as ‘sovereign’. I was not in many relationships after my divorce, and when I was, sovereignty was a big trigger as well as commitment. Inside there was a part of me that wanted his cake and eat it too. That old wounded masculine conditioned standard. Intimacy was more about sex and having a good time rather than getting to the bare bones of my heart-truth and my deeper needs as human man.

Then I found myself in a sacred, conscious romance as well as sacred, conscious community. Those flared up that ‘sovereignty gene’ I want to call it. That switch that says, “Oh, woah! Wait! Time-out. What is going on here? I am I giving away something that I cherish for the sake of something that I am not familiar with?”. The question was, what was it that a part of me cherished and what was it not familiar with?

At the core, I found that a part of me cherished non-vulnerability and wasn’t familiar with vulnerability. Even deeper, I realized it was an existential fear of Love that was at the root of it all. When I felt the ‘me’ that was independent, sovereign, and non-vulnerable, I found a man that was lost, unhappy, and alone. Only he wasn’t able to admit that at the time. With anyone.

As men (or the masculine in women), we can so very much defend our sovereignty at the cost of real Love. That somehow Love and Sovereignty are separate and adversarial. I feel our relationship to our mothers as a pivotal piece to this equation. They represent that from which we were born from. We received love in one form or another and then we needed to break away from that to find our individuation. Our authentic manhood that needed to push away, but more healthfully could have been initiated into it by a more conscious mother and father energy.

If we did not have that, and I would say most if not all of us did, then we are continually in this push-pull relationship to Other. To Love. To Intimacy. Surrender becomes more ‘submission’ than an opening into vulnerability which is all done with our sovereignty intact. We actually can never lose our sovereignty. We are born free, yet have been convinced we are in chains. When you see those chains are really about our fear of Love and our deep separation wound, you start to unhook those chains one by one.

This is a deep soul choice to heal this wound. It is not an easy one. It brings up a lot to witness and feel. A lot to be sober about in our shadow. Yet, it also brings in a new sense of freedom. A freedom to Be. To express. To surrender into without losing ourselves, but rather re-membering ourselves. It offers Love beyond what we had been conditioned and wounded into believing is love. This is the sovereign journey back into true surrender and true power. The power of conscious Love.



Raphael Awen and I will be hosting a men’s group call this Saturday at 5pm BST via Zoom. We will be talking about these topics as well as offering a guided meditation and sharing space. You can go to soulfullheart.org/mensgroupcalls for more information.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

The Sacred Growth Of Letting In & Letting Go In All Relationships

by Kalayna Solais

All we can ever feel with another being in this world is possibility, potentiality… nothing is ever a given, no matter how strong the vision of what could be or the depth of soul/heart connection that seems to just BE.


We are always sorting out and sorting through. We are taking in who we are through the reflection of another, directly or indirectly. We are choosing in every moment what resonates most for us right now, which may not resonate any longer in the next now. We are also this reflection, this point of resonance or dissonance for others, in relationship to them.


None of us are exempt from this sacred sorting out process or the growth that comes of it.
Let go, let in, let go again… be surprised, be enlivened, by new beginnings and even necessary collapses. Though there is always more to feel and be with in all of this, and many reactions pinging for parts of you, it’s all part of the process of deepening your intimacy with yourself and with others as well, whether they can continue to connect with you on the next leg of your individual journeys, or not.


Each and every time I walk this out… I’m surprised by what it opens out within me. The clarity of what I want next, the boundaries I need to hold with an open heart, are priceless to feel and honour. It’s always challenging in new ways, but feeling the trust in my own growth that I know is always available and necessary, that helps me sink and surrender into each crucible… and feel the Divine with me at all times.


Much love from my ever-growing and opening heart to yours,
Kalayna

***

Kalayna Solais is a Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator & collaborator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Remembering Our Starseed Essence

By Deya Shekinah

Every week the parts and themes we are feeling and connecting with through the ‘Free To Be Two’ group calls seem to be naturally interconnected, offering me a much bigger picture of myself, the world, and the Universe. 

My Inner Teenager, Yasmin, feels so connected to the collapse of the 3D Matrix. Feeling her is helping me collapse the matrices inside at the same time as I’m witnessing them collapse on the outside. Feeling where she was ‘plugged in’ through the school systems and birth family templating is helping me unravel all the beliefs and ideas she holds about who she is meant to be. 

Last week I could feel her in the school corridors, overwhelmed and unprepared for the huge transition that it was. I could feel her innocence, as she carried my Inner Child in her arms wearing PJ’s and holding a teddy bear. She quickly learnt to ‘grow up’ and hide her Inner Child and innocence so she could ‘fit in’ and ‘survive’. This created so much depression which I can still feel here now, as hidden with her childhood innocence was also her curiosity, her creativity, her sense of purpose, and her multi-dimensional connections.

Something that feels so rich within my Inner Child is this connection to the magic, to the mysterious, and to the stars. As life got denser through living in 3D, I forgot about the magical essence of my Inner Child as she seemed to get further and further away. I am now remembering her and feeling how she has been there all along as the one who was questioning everything and longing for Home. 

She feels like my Starseed, who is revealing herself organically as Yasmin is deeply digesting her experiences this life. She feels expansive, curious, and open to all the possibilities in this Universe. She restores the magic in this existence and reminds me of the bigger picture of all that is happening in our world right now. 

Connecting with my Starseed brings me into a deep peace within, as she helps me remember I have never been alone and that those who I have longed to go home to were always here with me, inside me, every step of the way.

You can join Raphael & Jelelle Awen today for the fourth call in our Free To Be 2 series, Navigating The Matrix Collapse to New Earth Transition, at 10:00am PDT with teachings and a guided meditation to connect to your Star Seed within, Star Family, and galactic consciousness. You can join live and/or receive the recordings for a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. More info here: soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Much Love, 

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Deeper Intimacy With Self Through The Explorations With Money

By Deya Shekinah

Wow, what a topic money is. I feel so many layers and parts wrapped into the explorations with money. One of the things that Jelelle Awen offered in the SoulFullHeart Free To Be Two group call about money this week, was how some can relate to money as a false god. This landed straight away as what I experienced within my family, how earning money gave meaning to life and felt like the only meaning to life as there was no spirituality or religion in my upbringing. I feel how my Inner Masculine, David, took this on and how my Inner Child, Yazzy, was stifled by this. Since she was always so multi dimensional, she didn’t believe this to be true, but as there was no one bringing any other meaning, she became capped by that.

I remembered a time when a male family member said to me that ‘money is the only thing that matters in the world’. At the time, I was blown away that anyone could believe that. As I feel it now, I feel so much density in that picture of our world, the lack of joy or spaciousness in it. As I feel David, I sense this energy within him as the conditioning he received from birth family members. 

Right now I am in a transition into a new way of being and earning money, that is bringing light to David’s relationship to money.  I hold and feel a lot of trust around money after years of transitioning and exploring money. This transition has grown into a deeper awareness and understanding of a greater meaning of life, as well as what abundance looks and feels like to me. 

I have learnt that abundance is many things. Not only money, but time, connection, vulnerability with others, space to BE. These all feel like abundance to me. I am coming to know and feel that my inner feeling of abundance is what draws abundance on the outside including financial abundance, even as that is still growing. For David, I feel him seeing this abundance coming in and seeing money coming in for offering my Soul Gifts, but he still does not FEEL abundant.

The group call has helped me feel this with him, his reality more of distrust and lack that he has been in and learnt throughout this 3D experience, sure that has been the 3D experience. One of the core beliefs I feel held in David is, ‘there is never enough money’., I see how much this creates that reality for us because he is so focused on ‘there is never enough’. He cannot appreciate or acknowledge it as it is coming in. I feel how it is the ability to be grateful for what IS, in the moment, that draws more of that thing to you, which of course is a journey, not something you can create through bypassing feeling the lack of gratitude. 

I feel how this lack of money belief is actually a cover up for lack of love, connection, communication and boundaries, it feels like. Money becomes this huge focal point when there is no other meaning to life. Money has become this huge elephant in the room, where we think about it, worry about it, are anxious about it, but we do not really honestly talk about it, at least in my experience and in this culture of my current geography. The shame, the guilt, the resentment around money is of course going to make it heavy and joyless. This feels like it creates blocks to, and a push/pull within us and our relationship to money, as well as abundance in general. 

I feel the lack of joy the Inner Masculine can hold around life in general, which then seeps into his relationship with/to everything else in life. I feel David feeling joyless, I feel him longing to experience joy as my other parts do, his sadness that he cannot seem to meet them there. Yet I feel how no one has ever asked him what he likes, what the meaning of his life is, and how he has been disempowered throughout this 3D experience too.

So now there is this new ground to walk out with him, where he is included and wanted, where he gets to feel and heal too because he is valued by me through this process. So this is where talking about money leads us, perhaps not straight away to more money, although I feel that coming in but to deeper connection, understanding and intimacy with our parts, and with each other eventually too.

You can purchase the recording of this Free To Be Two group call about money and attendance at/recordings of future group calls in this series by offering a donation of any amount. More information at soulfullheart.org/freetobe2.

Love,

Deya & David

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

Welcoming Everything In Closer, Sacred Union Within

By Deya Shekinah

This past month has been a deep dive with my Inner Teenager, Yasmin. We have been digesting so much together and navigating many timelines collapsing and arising. 

It has been a very tender time of feeling the reality of her experiences in this life, especially how she has been in relationship with others. Yasmin has always been such an open book, I have felt in this time of less sharing how her openness hasn’t always come from a place of self love. I’ve been feeling how she has shared such deeply intimate details of her life with others, with anyone really, because she so deeply longed to be felt, seen and heard… something she didn’t receive much of.

As we digested together, I have been writing but when it has come to sharing publicly, I am becoming more sensitive to her vulnerability. I am learning that instead of sharing, I can let her land more inside of me, letting her feelings be felt and validated by me, by Jelelle Awen and by those closest to me, who I feel safe with. Rather than trying to understand, I am learning to listen. To listen to her stories, the ones she has buried deep down and disconnected from. Feeling all the things she could not feel in other times of her life because she wasn’t safe to.

I am realizing all she has ever truly wanted was to be welcomed in all that she is and all that she feels, rather than only being desired, wanted or welcomed in certain energies of who she is. Her tears were so close this morning. I feel how other parts of me have learnt to try to fix her or push aspects of her emotional reality away. I feel how she also experienced this in all of her relationships to varying degrees.

As I moved and danced, I welcomed all of her in closer than ever before, all her tears, all her longing. She felt unsure at first, as tears have always been hard for her to feel without someone else holding space. As her tears were always hidden and not welcomed, it has taken me a long time to realize that they can be. As I grow through this process as a space holder, I am able to offer her a new narrative around tears and sadness, as I see more and  more how her longings and tears are the doorway to our desires for life.

She cried. She let go into me, resting more into the pain in her heart. It felt beautiful. It feels like the beginning of a new relationship, except this one is just with me. I want all of her because I know how much she has held alone, how much wisdom she holds because of that. I feel how deeply she loves when she is welcomed in all of who she is, and how the pain of not being welcomed has broken her heart open to life.

I sense some deeper layers of heartbreak arising, feeling the pain of relationships that didn’t work out and the times it has felt to her that people wanted her but only certain parts of her. The feeling of not being wanted in her fullness touches these tender tears. There is a growing sense of gratitude to those people who weren’t ready for all of her. I am a stronger woman because of it, who feels love for and loved by every aspect that makes up this expression of me. I no longer have to be more than or less than. I can be me, this beautiful bliss mess embodied as a woman. Trusting that as I love myself and see myself more and more, I will attract others who can only show up for the same.

Love,

Deya x

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc