Category: by Gabriel Amara

The Quest Into The Dark

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A part of us has created a safe space, a known space, even if what is known is suffering. The light and warmth of this space keeps him there. Anchored to the perimeter of its glow. Yet, from time to time, or maybe all the time, a voice calls out from the darkness, from the Shadow. 

It may start off small but then grows in intensity. How that shows up for each of us is different. It may be a physical message, a mental chatter, or an emotional surge. Whatever the case, it is calling to us to enter the forgotten, the repressed, and the hidden. 

The Quest into our shadowlands is our quest for the Holy Grail of our Truth, Authenticity, and Vulnerability. It is a different kind of lightless fire that forges something long cast aside. Something we had only dreamed of or desired while staring into the fire of our comfort or suffering. 

There is a whole world in that darkness. A world we are being called to light the flames of once again. A world that holds us responsible for its tending and expansion. A new order that is created by facing our fears, our needs, our pain, and our passion. 

Along the way, we confront and meet the parts and aspects of us that have been living in these hinterlands, not so far from the edge of our campfire. As we meet and hold space for their healing and integration, we are ready for whatever comes next in the time and pace it is meant to. We are not hunting in the shadow, we are calling out to it with care and curiosity. If we are on the offense, they will be on the defense. 

With each new connection and healing a bond is formed inside that had been severed. An extension of the old fire is created and the expansion of the inner kingdom is claimed. We become ambassadors to our Shadow and the Darkness within, then the benevolent king of their new world that is encased in the SoulFire. 

The journey begins by our desire, need, and call to be the most authentic and divinely aligned version of ourselves. Only then will we experience true sovereignty of this human incarnation. We chose this, so let’s claim it. Shadow and All.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org/soulfire for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Recollecting And Reconciling Our Forgotten Sacred Brotherhood

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In this clarion SoulFire call to serve and gather men together in sacred brotherhood, I have had to feel my own resistance to my relationship with men both in this life and in my Metasoul.

This life has been more of a Beta version of my masculine that has led those relationships, resonating with other Beta versions in those I was closest to. Our Nice Guys would come together in solidarity rather than the Real Guy. Our repressed rage would come out in relation to sports, politics, or our significant others, but they would rarely, if ever, come out toward each other.

It was like we were tip-toeing around a volcano or walking on thin ice, being subconscious to this resistance to get more intimate or deeper with each other. We could feel the love and care for each other, but it was expressed in a muted fashion. A solid handshake with the other arm slapped around the back in a masculine embrace that was temporal and shallow, yet aching for something more underneath.

That ‘more’ feels like a reconciliation. A remembrance of what we have been through in other lifetimes that have been challenging, disturbing, and heart-breaking. We don’t just come together by chance. We come together to heal the ‘past’ and remember our connection. We find each other to remind ourselves that we are human and not fucking robots doing the bidding of our matrix masters anymore.

The Brotherhood is collective, but it is also closely intimate. There are bands of brothers that have been through the muck together time after time, life after life. This is the Soul Brotherhood rooted in the Heart. They fashion a sacred geometry together that holds the flame of the greater Soul Community/Tribe/Family that include the Sacred Sisterhood, their counterpart mates and kindred sisters.

This is what I feel I am here to remember and re-collect. To remember the pain of loss. The pain of death. The ache of the grief of our separation. The unity that we shared, that we held, that we honored and cherished so sacredly and have since packed away in our shadow for it is a lot to feel.

It is to shine that Light of remembrance as a beacon to draw back the Brotherhood. To heal the separation between us and remember our Glory once again. Our Divinely appointed gift as men to fashion a reality that is centered in the Heart and bonded with the Feminine. A reality that holds us each as sovereign and in union both. They cannot be separate.

But first, the Remembrance. The tucked away memory of what has happened to cause this diaspora. This closing of the heart between us. The battles, the war, the exploration, the conjuring, and the revolutions that never quite lived into Evolution. I will go into that for my own healing as well as for the healing of the Brotherhood itself. This is the promise of The SoulFire.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Be Your Own But Not Alone, Man

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You are not ‘emasculated’
You are not ‘toxic’
You are not ‘patriarchal’
You are a man on a journey
To true heart and soul embodiment


Those words represent
What you or aspects of you might have been
What you might have experienced
And succumbed to
But they are not YOU


They are the hinterlands
Of the spectrum
Of your hu-man soul being
The reminders that you have left your center
Your true power of clarity AND vulnerability


When you sway into emasculation
The way back to center may appear ‘toxic’
When you sway into the rough
The way back to center may appear ‘soft’


You are always in a state of course correction
If you have chosen to heal
To find your true essence
Of what it means to be your own man
Not to be A man
But your OWN man


This man is not alone, though
He is very much in relation
In relation to himself
In relation to the Divine and the Void
In relation to the Feminine
Inside and out
In relation to other men
In relation to the Collective Soul of Humanity


This is the way of reclamation
The way of redemption
The way of reunion
The way of resurrection
This is the way back Home
To your authentic human and sacred masculine


~ words given to me by my Higher Masculine Heart and shared with those that may need them too.


Love to my heart and SoulFire brothers,

~~~~~

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Courageous Journey Back To The Heart

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Our Hearts and Souls want to come Home.
Home to our truth
Home to our passion
Home to our gifts
Home to our Love


They want to come Home
Into embodiment
Into alignment
Into expression
Into Union


Our Hearts and Souls have been out on a mission.
A mission of the experience of separation
A mission of forgetting in order to remember
A mission of hiding, seeking, and finding
A mission of contraction and expansion


It is time to bring those fractured and
forgotten selves Home.
Those parts left in trauma and woundedness
Those aspects left in soul loops
Those wisdoms we have collected along the way
Those elements that make up our Essence


We don’t need to ‘go home’
We want to Come Home
The home on the inside
Home to the Eternal
Home to the Primal
Home to the Human
Home to the Divine Within


The journey Home is a journey back to You
Who you really are beyond the conditioning
Beyond the trauma
Beyond the fear
Beyond the suffering


The journey back to Love
Back to surrender
Back to Creation
Back to true freedom


It is not an easy journey
For we have lots to feel and heal
Lots to take responsibility for
And lots to forgive
These are our steps back Home
The Home of the Heart and of the Soul
Inside this human body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Painting by Autumn Skye ART
*I edited the original for this post. I invite you to visit her page for the full version. It has more to say about the masculine journey back Home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Rising Tide Of Our Healing And Ascension

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I have been finding amazing paintings and pictures that represent the inner state and healing journey for myself and other men that resonate. This one particularly struck my attention. A deluge scene of a man trying to save his father at the behest of his wife and child.

There are numerous interpretations to be had. There may be initial emotional reactions especially from the feminine perspective. I had them too. There is an uncomfortable feeling here. It evokes something shadow inside of us and hard to look at.

It was posited that the father represents the man’s past, and the child and woman as his present and future. One being reached for and the other ignored. I also took this to an inner dynamic of the man struggling to let go of something old and dying within him. A consciousness, a world view, or a suffering. The seeds of his Kingdom lie right beside him yet out of view.

The child representing his youth, his innocence, his purity, and potential. The women his inner feminine, Queen, heart, and intuition. She holds on for dear life while making sure the child is within reach. It evokes a sadness, a pain, a grief, a shame, and an anger. What are we losing when we struggle to let go of that which no longer serves our growth and divine calling?

As a man, I am curious what this stirs in you. I am feeling it call to parts of me that can be found in both men and the child. The past, the present, and the future. I feel the separation from my own feminine even as I have begun to reconnect with her more consistently. While she may appear to be looking to be saved, I feel her more needing to be seen and felt as an integral aspect of our being.

As far as the deluge itself, I feel it represents the ongoing ascension that we are all a part of. It is the waters of Truth, Light, and Love that are streaming into us personally and collectively. It is the flood that dares to bring us to our most sacred and the most scared.

There is a deep reconciliation here. A mirror and an opportunity for something new inside each of us. We are being called to embody all of our selves into wholeness. Bringing them back onto the banks of our kingdom. We are in a choice point of moving on and moving up, or choosing what is already dying.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Our Perfect Imperfections

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I remember when I was a kid being asked what my favorite number was and I just blurted out, “Ten!”. I think I might have been ten years old at the time. That was either a sign of self-focus or I just really liked the number 10! While growing up I did have this need for things I did to be perfect to whatever degree perfect was to a part of me. Whether it was perfect scores on tests or doing some art, perfection was a pervasive overlord in my life.

Somehow ‘perfect’ was a way to avoid failure or need for improvement. The antidote to an inner criticism of myself and, in the Shadow, the criticism of others. So much need in my subconscious and soul at the time to bear witness to, or to be, Perfection. I feel it was both nature and nature. I came into this world with it and was supported in its cultivation through my conditioning.

It came out as wanting to be the perfect student, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect son, the perfect husband. I found myself in a prison made by the Tyranny of Perfection. Being perfect was to be seen as Good or Righteous in the eyes of God in my Metasoul that I had come to realize during my early inner healing journey. It was quite the burden to bear as a young boy and my poor parents were at a loss to know how to deal with it. What resulted would be punishment for ‘unacceptable’ behavior.

When we come to Earth, we may view our caregivers as representatives of the Divine Perfection from which we are sourced. When they prove to be otherwise at a very early age, a Holy Shit moment may occur and we realize we are not in Heaven anymore only to don a new set of eyes from which to view the world with some deeper existential questions. ‘If they aren’t perfect and I come from perfection, where does that leave me? Where the hell am I? How do I navigate this place?”.

A protection forms that can also be comprised of a punishing layer whose intention it is to protect, but not necessarily in the most loving or effective way. It is trying to form a self that is acceptable to this imperfect world out seeking the perfection from which it came. A bit of a hot mess scenario but here we are! It is what we came here to work and to shift for ourselves and for the collective for we are inextricably connected.

Coming to terms with our imperfections, our ‘faults’, and our ‘missing of the mark’, are all portals back to the perfection from which we were sourced from and continue to be held by. We can all look forward to a higher timeline that may be different than the one we live in now, either inside or out. That is a deeply inherited part of our nature. We want and need bigger, better, and brighter. We don’t need to build any of those back, we just need to love our way back.

Today, let’s love the parts or aspects of us that feel imperfect, unworthy, or not ‘good’ enough to have, or be, it all. That is not to say it is okay to stay there, but it is okay to feel that way as long as we are feeling it and loving it and not just setting it aside when it comes up. It has been an ongoing process for me to keep loving and moving these parts of me into a position of feeling perfectly imperfect. That all the ‘dings and dents’ are a part of the larger tapestry that make me who I am. They are the fruits of what have healed and the seeds of what have yet to be watered.

Ten is a powerful number. It can be a reminder, a goal, or a tyrant, all depending from which direction you are looking at it. Today, it can just be a number and you can just be human. It’s okay. It’s all perfect. It’s all Love even when it doesn’t feel that way.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for men.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Wounded, The Wild, And The Feminine

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This past week I moved to a new flat in another village here in Central Portugal not too far from my soul fam. It is a fresh start as I am literally the first tenant of this remodeled schist house. It is a blend of modern and historical, the natural and the practical, the masculine and the feminine. This feels like a great place for some deep reconciliation work inside of me.

Since the completion of my relationship with Kasha, I have been leaning on the practical side of myself. I talked about this in my last post. Now that things have settled, I can feel where I am needing to recalibrate myself to both my wildness and my inner feminine, as well as a blend of the two. The practical and wounded masculine part of me needs them deeply.

It is in the reintegration of these aspects of me that can support the healing and transformation of my wounded and tired matrix masculine. There is much to atone for in my departure from these energies inside of me that have always wanted a seat at the table yet have been resisted for many reasons that I am still delving into.

So much unworth has been cast onto and into the collective masculine heart. The history of its need to be closed off and in control. The deep fear of intimacy that can feel like an existential annihilation of its wounded egoic tendencies. So much clinging to provision, accomplishment, accumulation, and ‘freedom’. I put that in quotes as I feel there is a wounded relationship to freedom that actually pushes away at intimacy.

It is in this coming to terms with our own wildness and our feminine, that we can start to sense the wider aperture of our true masculine being. Our expression in the world and investment in relationships become renewed, remastered, and reborn. They become our guiding lights, our course-correctors, and our allies. They give us the courage and compassion to delve deep into that wounded and giant heart of ours.

I look forward to what arises in myself and with others as I continue this ongoing exploration inside of myself with this process of meditation, journaling, sessions, feeling, and intimate relationship with community and the Divine. It offers so much in the way of personal understanding, maturation, expansion, inner peace and Love. This is why I share my experience for others that resonate and may get something from it for themselves, as well as an invitation to start your own inner healing journey.

Much love to all of you brave hearts and souls that are choosing the path of most resistance…the path back to intimacy inside and out.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Healing Of The ‘Matrix Masculine’

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This past Equinox gathering of hearts and souls pushed up a lot for me that has roots deep in my soul. I also felt how it was connected to the collective as well. When that happens it can be a lot to sort and move through. Yet, this is why I am here. This is why my soul has guided me to be a part of an intimate community so that I can feel and heal what needs feeling and healing on a personal level, which in turn makes waves in the quantum world. 

After the completion of my sacred union relationship with Kasha, I found myself in a ‘doing’ mode that seemed to put a wall around my deeper grief. I have had tender moments of loss and remorse, but it was made clear that a part of me had a strategy to ‘avoid the void’ of the deeper grief that lives inside. There is a great separation wound that exists inside that I have skirted the edges of, thinking I have met it fully, when in fact I have been swimming in the shallow end of the pool to some degree. 

This is not a prescription for me to dive into the deep end willy-nilly, but rather to be aware of the territory and let it arise in its due course. My soul will know when I am ready. Alongside the Sacred Grief, there was also another layer of inadequacy and unworth that came into my field with the acknowledged strategy of avoidance. This is tricky as I felt it in an inner masculine aspect of myself that I have worked with for a long time. He represents so much of my own personal masculine as well as a connection to what I have felt as the ‘Matrix Masculine’. 

This aspect was born/constructed from the womb of the False Mother/Father matrix we are all a part of to some degree or another. He has been wrapped up in it like a fly caught in a spider’s web. At times, he is motivated to fight against it, find freedom from it, or learn to master it. Either way there is still a relationship to it that is at odds. The history of being stuck in this loop has created a deep seed of suffering, grief, shame, and feeling lost. He has been separated from his own feminine counterpart on the inside which exacerbates the condition. 

I was shown this disconnect from my own inner feminine part as well as from my own Divine Essence or Self. It was an illumination of the wounding within the Holy Trinity of Self-to-Self, Self-to-Other, and Self-to-Divine. This masculine part of me, named Marcus, is at the hub of this. He represents so much of my power, truth, and vision. He also represents the pain, the pressure, and the punishment. 

Beside the disconnect from my inner feminine there is also one with my inner child and him. He has forgotten the art of play and the presence of innocent joy that it brings. The reconnection of all three feels like another Holy Trinity of masculine, feminine, and innocence. When we as men can have contact with all three in a sacred dance and flow, we have found ourselves on a new strata of personal experience of the world we live in. 

This compartmentalization happened for protective reasons as well as wounded ones. It is now bringing these aspects of me back into the same room and starting the healing and reunion process. I also feel a need for my beloved wounded masculine to be seen and felt as the Divine Son that he is rather than the Lost Son. That is an ongoing process that will take time as reintegration and ascension does. 

On the integrated side of the journey, it opens up more of my divine masculine heart to be in love with myself and those close to me. It opens up my trust and leadership as well as my creativity and play. It offers me a new timeline of what it means to be a human man merging again with Spirit and Source. With the Shadow and the Light. 

Thanks for taking this all in as I hope it gives a doorway into this process for others that feel a resonance with what I continue to work with inside of myself as a man in a very intimate community and healing process.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Ode To The Healing Man

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Thank you, Brother
For going into your heart
And setting the sails for a new course
A course set by the prevailing winds
Of the call to heal

Thank you, Brother
For the courage to feel
All the things that have been locked away
For they have needed to be
Until the closet got too full

Thank you, Brother
For your willingness to take responsibility
Of what lies right in front of you
The impact and consequences
Of not facing the shadow

Thank you, Brother
For looking in the mirror
And loving the man you are now,
The man you were then,
And the man you want to become.

Thank you, Brother
For your honesty
For your bravery
For your vulnerability
For your passion
For your vision
For your alignment of Heart and Soul

For you are a part of the next generation
The next incarnation
The next evolution
Of what it means to be a healthy human man.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

A Man’s Heart Is His Greatest Gift

Published on by Gabriel Amara1 Comment

A man’s heart is his greatest gift
And his greatest fear
He can stand in the fires of hell
With his courage and conviction
Or seek cover and asylum in his shadow

A man’s heart can be a paradox and a parable
Of the journey back to himself through the womb
There is a Warrior and a Lover
A King and an Ambassador
A Scientist and Poet

It is a journey that is lined with mirrors
He may choose not to look at
If he wants to maintain
All that he has constructed,
Assumed and been convinced of.

But if he chooses to look
To feel all that he has been afraid to see
He actually stares into his own death
His loss of control
That can only be replaced by surrender

Surrender to the burning of feeling
Of bringing himself back to life
Through this death
The death of loneliness
Of suffering
Of protecting
Of hiding

This man now stands naked
An emperor without clothes
To be seen as he is
In his humble vulnerability

This is where he rises anew
In Heart
As Soul
Surrounded…
By Love
By Divinity
By Intimacy

~Poem from a book I am writing titled The Quest about my personal masculine healing journey

Art by Katia Honour

https://www.redbubble.com/…/Sacred-Heart…/8410634.1G4ZT

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.