By Gabriel & Kalayna Solais
From Gabriel ~
This is a hard post to write for many reasons. It signals the completion of something that has been a big part of my journey the past six years so there is mourning. It opens up to the vulnerability of what is real and moving for me in transparency. All of this is held with Love and Grace.
Recently I felt a need for Kalayna and I to take some physical space to feel into some deeper layers that have been some core issues between us for some time. We had been having a hard time connecting on a deeper level and could feel some much needed heart exploring and feeling to get to a root of something.
The fear was always that we could wind up finding out what has been eluding us that may not be reconcilable. Something baked in our dynamic that had a time stamp. We have been down this road a few times and eventually we needed to complete to go back into our own processes. Each time though we came back with new awareness and foundations.
However, this time we have had to admit through deep tears and some frustrations, that this romance needs to complete for its last time. The last chapter of a volume that comprises our larger story. It was not an easy choice to make considering we did just get married. I knew that there were things we had to go into but I wanted to do that while wed to her, because that is how I saw her. That is how I wanted to remember what we had. That she was my wife. My partner. My beloved mate in this wild ride of ascension.
The reasons run deep and wide. We have many differences between us that are hard to reconcile. In our solo processes and sessions with Jelelle and Raphael, we realized that what we have is meant in a different context. One that doesn’t have romantic ties but ties that run deep nevertheless. I have found that I need a space to access more of who I am to myself and in intimacy. I have work to do just as any other ascending human man. Kalayna came to a very similar conclusion for herself.
So many timelines and stories have needed to collapse and complete so that I can open up more to the Love that wants to occur from me to me, me to the Divine, and me to Other. This is an ebb and flow of clarity and tears. I hold this just as sacred as when I got married. This time I am marrying/integrating more of myself that had been put aside in the name of the Usness that just wasn’t meant to be in this way.
In all of this, the one thing that has always held firm and true is that my love for Kalayna is real. So much so that I need to let go so that she can arise and draw what her deepest heart needs. The same is true from her to me. This death and rebirth is a part of what we signed up for and it has been one of the biggest ones to date for me.
Thank you for taking this in to your heart and holding it with reverence. I will answer any questions you may have. I appreciate all the love and support you gave us during our time together and feel blessed to have been a recipient of it. I feel held in all of this by Divine Love. There is no one else I could have walked this out the way we have at this time then Kalayna. Thank you so much Kalayna for everything you were, are, and will continue to be.
From Kalayna ~
It’s been 6 years.
6 years of friendship, of off-and-on romance, of deep connections together on all levels: soul, heart, body, and mind.
And now something so sacred to us both is deeply completing.
We have navigated life together in so many different ways and phases… we’ve pressed forward into plans, launched ourselves into the unknown, met new parts of ourselves and each other, felt new Metasoul aspects of ourselves that are connected to one another and some that aren’t or don’t seem to be too. I’ve grown so much because of being with this amazing man… and the recent choice to become ‘married’ and to deepen in Sacred Union really gave me the gift of a longtime wish I had inside to marry HIM specifically. The fulfillment of a dream, truly. And I couldn’t have asked for a better man to have been my first true, deep, resonant love.
It’s been about a month now of process within myself while taking space from the relationship and altogether separating from Gabriel. I’ve been feeling what the tendrils were that parts of me had with him and so much of that is still unfolding.
It’s been very tender and raw to feel, but it’s time to complete our marriage, our coupleship, our 6 year cycle of going IN together in different ways, always wondering about being together romantically, ‘completing’ romantic phases without them feeling really complete. Now it feels like the romance actually IS complete. I’m realizing and letting in that the ground we’ve had together, though made and built upon with SO much deep resonance and goodness on ALL levels, is a ground that isn’t nourishing in the deeper ways we both would need for it to continue, the way I need it to be to continue…. I’m seeing how in our time spent apart recently, I’ve had more self-discoveries happen inside of myself than I did in much of our romance together, at a new depth that I had forgotten in some ways was possible and also needed personally.
You can imagine how profound and emotional this whole process of letting go of this relationship has been for my heart and soul. So many of you have taken in videos, writings, live streams with us co-leading and I’m still so grateful I got to do that with him. We even recently led a few in-person meditation circles here in Victoria and that was alive and nurturing too, a new taste of my own leadership and my leadership with a mate too (another lifelong dream of mine that still remains and likely always will). I’ve been really feeling it and really letting in the mega timeline shift this has been and how needed this is right now through the tears, the mourning, the frustrations and even the resentments towards him that surface sometimes in parts/Metasoul aspects of mine.
In this whole process I’ve felt wrecked, hopeful, despairing, and then newly alive as I feel some emerging possibilities for myself outside of our bond in service, in personal healing, in future possibilities for my life in all areas. I’ve felt parts of me that don’t want to leave this relationship or complete it, and then felt ME coming up in a new way to be with what’s real and to feel what really does need to complete here for my sake and his. It’s time to come home to ME in a new way…
There’s nothing in me that doesn’t want to be connected to Gabriel somehow… and we both know so well the ground of sacred friendship that we can and DO have together. In some ways, these transaction grounds on a friendship level are just easier for us with so many gaps between us in life and soul experience that just aren’t as bridgeable in a romance as parts of me were hoping they would be.
The promise of Sacred Union is that you will grow… not that you will stay together romantically forever, especially if the bond cannot be kept alive and lively, renewing and rebooting. This has been our experience in the last 6 years of knowing each other and being together in different ways for different phases, and it feels like this last phase of romantic exploration HAS been the deepest we could go in this lifetime while in Sacred Union together.
I knew when we got married recently, that this was a step I needed and wanted to take with him, no matter how long it would last. In a sense it actually feels like we’ve been married for as many as 10 years, let alone just a few months, especially with all of the new realizations coming through that could only really be coming through because of the ground and history I’ve experienced with him. My process is calling me to keep moving forward and onward, as sad as it still feels to be moving on without him by my side…
I so welcome any questions or comments you may have…
Much love to you all… thank you for being a Sacred part of our journey.
Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s Facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.
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