Years ago, early in my healing process, I needed to take time away from family. I needed to feel myself outside the familial conditioning to really get a good feel for who I, Gabriel, really was. I needed to feel the ways in which I had been influenced to perceive myself and the world around me. This was especially true for my relationship to my father as he played a big part in my masculine conditioning and relationship to others, both male and female. He had many different effects on me that formed wounded aspects inside myself. I needed to hold and feel those parts of me as a new father template in order to relate differently to the world and others around me.
I remember as a boy my mother would tell me at times how much my father would remind her of his father, my grandfather. I remember feeling that in my own self as I became older, taking on so many physical and personal mannerisms. Taking on the family male legacy of anger and alcohol, the perception of women, and the internalizing of the patriarchal need for control and reason. As my parents divorced and my mother remarried, I took in another father figure that had just as much influence but in different ways. The Inner Father imprint was becoming embedded and it had its effect on my own sense of authenticity. Who was I really when I was trying to listen to my own internalized father figure?
This part of us takes on a 3D patriarchal energy that comes from the more collective psychic wounding. It is one that has influenced my relationships with women and men. It has filtered my receptivity and openness to possibilities. My own inner feminine was a kept maiden, not feeling safe enough to express and emote. My inner child was suppressed to keep things in a serious and logical framework. Not much play in the world of the patriarch.
But in the unearthing and untangling of the inner father, you find the reasons for it all. There is no bad guy in the process of healing and integrating. Going into my own inner father wounds, I could feel the grander heart of the Masculine at large. The power of sovereignty and compassionate truth-telling. The desire to end the war within and be in collaborative balance with the feminine. I could feel the the edges of my unworthiness and the real fear of surrendering to what needs to be reflected back at me as part of my growth and opening heart.
Through the process, my inner father takes a step to the side of me and becomes more of a brother, and then as the defenses soften, a younger, more boyish quality comes in and he begins to feel like a son. I could feel my own biological father in more of his essence, encouraging me to continue on my healing journey and becoming like a guide to me along the way. It is a remaking of the past within the present moment where all things truly exist. A healing that has quantum effects between our hearts and souls and those of the collective father and son relationship.
The harder, less flexible side of me began to soften, be less defensive and more reflective. It has become less linear and more open to surrendering to the moment and letting the flow of life have its way while still holding personal will and desire in the mix. When I do feel this energy arise I can feel what is underneath the frustration and need for control. Usually a deep wound of feeling powerless and overwhelmed in a world that feels like survival is the only reason to be alive. As I connect more with the Divine Father inside me. the more my own inner father can rest and let go of his Reign, which can feel very existential to them as the control is all they have ever known.
In the letting go, the suppressed feminine energies within can arise and begin to dance with the healing masculine and create a balanced energy that can penetrate while letting go of the outcome and the need for a particular result. It opens the heart to a more dynamic and authentic relationship with women in general and more specifically in a co-creative sacred union partnership. It shifts the collective patriarchal energetic structure and helps lead a new paradigm of leadership and stewardship of a New Earth and New Sacred Humanity.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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