What Our Food Cravings Are Inviting Us To Feel


By Kathleen Calder

Yesterday I came across yet another sign advertising “guilt-free” food options at a local fast-food restaurant. For a moment I felt into the feeling of relief that comes from knowing you’ve just eaten something that was “good for you” instead of what you really wanted to eat. Then, I felt into how cravings can be attributed to our parts and how we can make much better strides to eat in better moderation and portions if we negotiate with them first. That being said, I feel that “guilt-free” eating is actually impossible. Some part of you that was asking for the fries instead of the salad may feel guilty that they even asked for the fries in the first place and will think something is wrong with them since their request was ignored for not being “good enough”.

I’m not saying or even feeling that we should necessarily just give in and have the fries, but I do feel the need to look for another option to satisfy their craving or negotiate with it. You could offer to share fries with your friend or even offer that you will make healthier ones that are just as tasty at home later. Sometimes you do just need to give in though, which could also trigger guilt for the part that asked for the fries when another part comes in to punish it for doing so (it can get quite emotionally violent in there!).

It feels to me that cravings are clues and hold just as much valuable data for getting to know a part as an emotional trigger or reaction from them. For instance a desire for certain foods may come from a desire to feel “loved” and eating that particular food holds that vibration for them somehow, which is definitely something you can work with them to get to the bottom of.

This practice of conscious eating with parts is something I’m working on even as I write this. Both of my young parts know full-well that there is part of a yummy chocolate bar in my desk drawer, just beneath where I am typing this! They know, because I have told them, that we may enjoy a small piece of it after supper as a treat at the end of the day. This makes it a bit easier to ignore the chocolate… for now at least!

The thing that I feel I want to impress on you as an overarching concept here, is that any type of urge or craving, be it for sex, alcohol, shopping or food, need not be quelled with a fear of feeling guilty for indulging, but instead needs to be held, loved and cherished for the clues it holds for getting to know and LOVE yourself on a deeper level. Making a craving or urge “bad” does anything but help us stop doing it. Chances are that even if you do manage to give up a habit, dependency, or “addiction” you will not be able to for long without digging deeply enough to find the reason (and it’s bound to be a very good, very valid one at that) for the “medicine” to have been self -prescribed in the first place.

Also, in SoulFullHeart, we look at the relationship that our parts have to the substance, thing, or person that they’ve been using in a medicative way to numb out or suppress their feelings. In that way, no substance is bad or evil- except maybe toxic or self punishing drugs or food- just that it can be used in an unhealthy way by parts of us.

To our ever-growing love and understanding for ourselves!



Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Experiencing Life.

Beyond Making The Body Bad: Healing Our Ingrained Inauthenticity

By Wayne

We live in an age when inauthenticity has been deeply ingrained and conditioned in our society and relationships, including the relationship that we have with ourselves. We seek pleasure, but settle for distraction. We hunger for life’s sweetness and nourishment, but settle for the supermarket lies of processed food. We long for passionate engagement in life, and settle instead for a job offering security.

If you are like the old version of me, you rate yourself on how well adjusted and good at coping you are with an enduring lack of fulfillment. You pride yourself on how you don’t lash out at others and how you seek God and character attainments to find your way through life sanely. Or maybe, unlike the old me, (but arguably, a step healthier,) you are angry and pissed, and you don’t try to hide it, but, on the downside, remain stuck there in a frustrated loop of settling.

This managing of our desires instead of embracing them for the lifesaving signposts that they are is at root of so much agony in our lives and society. Where did it come from? How did we get here? What brought us to this mutual buy in on such a wide scale as to call this suppressed state normal? Why do we reward those most well adapted to this strategy?

A bit more of a mental answer is that both science and religion came to an agreement, (underneath all their appearances of being at odds with each other) and that agreement is that the body cannot be trusted; that your body is bad.

Religion’s alarm is that your body ‘fell from grace’ sadly through no choice of your own, but held against you none-the-less, and eternally at that. The alarming message is that the untrustworthiness and evil of your own body, (though originally created by God), now fallen, is that you must not rely on it in any way. The message is that the body’s desires are tainted, sinful, and will only lead to more pain and punishment.

Science presents us with a strangely similar message.  For all of its’ vast knowledge of the human body, science tells us that matter is all there is; no higher purpose; no higher design. None. Not within or without, beyond the mechanics of that body. Only cause and effect. In other words, the body itself possesses no innate loving and guiding wisdom of its’ own. Again, the message is that the body’s desires are not connected to anything loving. Instead, the body’s selfish desires are to be will-powered over and disciplined into submission, lest they leave you deprived of all health.

In other words, the message has been that the world of spirit and matter are two separate worlds. Purposeless and despairing, both science and religion have stripped us of our noble and lofty sovereign state of feeling the blessing of our own bodies.

A more feeling and less mental answer to the question of how did we get here, would be to simply open your heart and look at any body part of yours.

Try your hand, for example. Really look at it, feel it, study it, listen to it. Yes, it has a voice and it can talk to you. Give your hand the gift of your full undivided attention for a few moments. It can tell you what it likes and what it doesn’t. Ask it if it feels like matter and spirit are in fact separate, like it is just a blob, a machine, with no innate wisdom or guidance, or purpose.

What if it is a lie that matter and spirit are not the same? And what if it is this lie that is at the root of both past wounding and present lack of fulfillment in your life? What if it is at root of your inauthentic expression in your life?

Soulfullheart begins with a feeling knowledge of divine goodness of your body and your emotions. And, not off sometime in the future after you’ve resolved a few pressing issues, but now, you can turn to your body’s innate wisdom for guidance on where to go next.

Coming back to loving and honoring our body is a huge step towards seeing more of your authentic self, or what we call your soulfullheart self, express into all the areas of our lives.

Be good to yourself though. You are biting off a big piece, and one thing will lead to another.

This writing was inspired by the thoughtful words and spacious energy of Charles Eisenstein’s The Yoga of Eating: Transcending Diets and Dogma to Nourish the Natural Self.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process and here for more articles about the body.

The Body Beautiful: A SoulFullHeart Way Of Relating To Your Body

By Jillian

It’s not about powering your way through to finally be healthy; it’s about feeling your way through to finally be healed.

​The human body is the vehicle for our Soulfullheart expression, therefore it is meant to be cared for and nourished. It is meant to experience and express sexuality with a committed, loving, monogamous bond offering the most healthy opportunity for this expression. Rather than transcending the body as not being “spiritual” or judging the body’s needs as “sinful”, Soulfullheart embraces and honors the body and it’s needs as being sacred and a reflection of the Divine in human form.

​”Diet” in greek means, “way of living.” Soulfullheart advocates for a balanced way of living related to food that is rich with vegetables, fruits, other superfoods, sustainably raised proteins (or vegetarian), vitamin supplements, and whole wheat grains. Processed foods, refined sugar, high quantities of salt, and “concentration camp” raised meats don’t provide the nutrients and energy that your SoulFullheart body needs and wants. Soulfullheart also recommends regular exercise, including cardio, hiking, running or fast walking, resistance training, etc. A healthy way of living is about feeling what your body really needs to thrive and maintain a healthy body weight, versus providing what a part of you craves and needs as a medication to numb out your feelings.

​If you struggle to care for your body and maintain a healthy weight, there is an emotional and/or spiritual wound at the root cause of your struggle. Rather than focusing on just “changing your exercise and eating habits,” the SoulFullHeart process invites you to feel parts of yourself and how they relate to food, your sexuality, your physical appearance, your desirability, etc. It’s not about powering your way through to finally be healthy; it’s about feeling your way through to finally be healed. Sometimes weight gains and fluctuations are a necessary part of the phase you may be in, especially if you are focusing strongly on your emotional healing process. You just may not have the “energy” to exercise or focus intently on what you are eating. SoulFullheart offers to be self-loving with yourself as you move through these phases, even as it offers the perspective that your body’s health mirrors your emotional health.

​Physical illness in the body has many layers of cause beyond what the medical profession acknowledges. While you may need to continue a medication longer term, Soulfullheart offers that as you heal your emotional and spiritual wounds, your need for the medication decreases and may disappear all together. Emotional wounding and spiritual wounds held in your energy body or chakras contribute greatly to your physical health. In Soulfullheart, we provide chakra clearing and balancing, in addition to removing toxic objects and codependent cords that may be stuck in your aura and energy bodies, as a catalytic part of your process. This would be done after you have felt and processed emotionally around your physical issues first and negotiated with your parts, so that the energy work has a chance of lasting because you can subconsciously accept it. Just doing energy healing doesn’t address the deeper emotional wounds causing the illness or physical issues.

​As an example, a SFH client who has suffered with asthma since she was a little girl was asked what she felt emotionally was going on that caused the asthma beyond the physical reasons. Her answer was that is how part of her reacted to stress, to not being heard and seen, to not being respected, and to being told what to do by others in a way that didn’t honor her own desires. I asked her if this is how she experienced herself being treated as a child and she said yes. She can now negotiate and feel this with the part of her “stuck” in this childhood wounded reaction and provide her a loving, SoulFullHeart parent presence which will see, hear, honor, and not tell this part of her what to do without taking her needs into consideration. This should greatly dissipate her asthma symptoms.

​I’ve also encouraged this client to someday journal directly with the voice of her asthma to find out what it was trying to tell her and feel with her. We’ve offered this assignment to another client who was having pain and mobility issues with her right arm, which is the masculine side of our bodies. This client wrote to her right arm telling it that she frustrated at not being able to work and wanted to feel what was going on with it. Her arm pain was then connected to a young inner child female part of her who wanted attention and felt that making her arm hurt was the only way to get it. Her arm pain is lessening and recovering as she’s now being with and feeling this young part.

​I spent over five years in the medical field, half of that time as a nurse in a radiation oncology department. I was fascinated by the biology and physiology of the human body (all those systems and cells automatically and without our conscious involvement working together), plus I was drawn to working with people in a nurturing capacity. As I talk about in my story, I eventually felt very frustrated with traditional medicine’s approach to treatment, which doesn’t acknowledge the emotional, spiritual, and energetic causes of illness and benefits of healing in these areas. Also, the emotional needs of the patients were not addressed, with each patient becoming their illness, as in “she’s a breast cancer, stage four”, rather than felt as a heart and soul being going through an intense journey. I feel how the experience in traditional medicine woke me up to my healing capacities, and yet I’m also grateful to have a deeper, less myopic, and more holistic view on body illnesses now that acknowledges the emotional and spiritual causes. A very touching book that I’ve read that explores the emotional and spiritual aspects of cancer is Grace and Grit by Treya Wilber, Ken Wilber’s late wife.

​My commitment to  emotional healing over the last ten years has directly manifested in my physical health with greatly decreased skin breakouts, steadier weight, higher energy and fitness level, increased orgasmic capacity, and overall more youthful appearance. Also, I haven’t had a cold or illness in over two years. Wayne talks about his recent journey with emotional conscious weight loss (close to 30 pounds in less than three months!) in this blog entry. Soulfullheart offers that linking our body realities of weight, health, and stamina levels to our emotional and spiritual health allows us more possibilities of balancing our way of living related to our bodies and of truly healing and transforming our physical health. Our bodies are truly temples; their form holding our sacred humanity. Worship at yours and you’ll experience the gifts.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.

Emotionally Conscious Weight Loss

By Wayne

Never has there been better weight loss information than what is currently coming to light about how our bodies relate to food and exercise; about the depletion of nutrients in our food supply; and about how obesity rates are rising in our society.

Why is it that at the same time as we are getting more help with the situation, that the problem keeps getting bigger, slowly, but surely, like an expanding waistline?

Most people have been advised, (rather unfeelingly, I would add) that you need to think positively if you are going to conquer your weight problem; that if you look, sound, and feel hopeless, you are most likely going to stay that way.

So then if thinking positive is the key to getting in control of one’s way of life in relation to food and exercise, then why is that approach such a dismal failure? Do negative people prefer being negative?

It is only when we consider our emotional body that we gain some insights into these questions. By ‘Emotional Body,’ I mean who you are as an emotional being and how we emotionally feel about our life. Changing our eating habits to more alive foods and letting go of habits and foods that are actually a form of slow self suicide, has all to do with self love. Our inability to let in love is getting much closer to the real issue underlying our weight struggle.

In SoulFullHeart, we offer that you have way more to your emotional body than you have acknowledged. Sure, part of you wants to lose weight, but have you ever considered or felt the part of you that feels safe or comforted by being overweight? This part of you wants to, ‘leave the weight right where it is thank you, and take all your self righteous health crap out of my face!’

You are left being at war with yourself; with the part of you who wants to lose weight and is trying to gain power over the part of you who wants to keep things the same.

It is only by getting to know both of these parts of yourself intimately that real and lasting and wholesome change can be let in to your life. Letting in is very different than powering through.  If part of you is strong enough to pave over the part of you addicted to crap food, is that really the kind of healing you are after?

Recently, I got to the place where it feels like the tide had finally turned in my own life. Despite good health and a physical line of work, I have gained around 10 pounds each decade or so of adulthood to where, at 51 years old, I was 35 pounds over my ideal weight, actually in the obese category.

Then, 3 months ago a friend invited me to be his guest for an afternoon hot tub and sauna at the local gym. The front desk staff put all ‘guests’ through a few minutes of sales intro and a tour of the facility, and before it was complete, I surprised myself and signed up for a years’ membership. Something in me said ‘go for it.’ I signed up for sessions with a personal trainer as well.

The sessions were intense, but also helpful in terms of engaging in a real workout. I don’t recall ever sweating so intensely. I was amazed by the simplicity and the intensity of the simple exercises, several of them using only body weight, and others only simple equipment. An exercise ball, a few dumbbells, a bench. The trainer helped me also assess my food habits and make suggestions.

I’ve lost over 25 pounds in just under 3 months, have gained a noticeable change to my muscle mass, and I feel quite different about my body and well being. I’m looking forward to reaching my goal weight, conditioning and deepening vitality.

The amazing thing is that it has been relatively easy and fun. While it has taken the necessary time commitment and changing eating habits, I’ve found doing all of that desirable instead of a drudgery and sacrifice. I’m not feeling deprived.

I recall being in a gym membership a few years prior where I struggled to get engaged and find a rhythm and exercise routine that opened out for me, and eventually it all fell by the wayside (as it does for so many other people). Now, instead, I found the whole experience with getting in shape motivated by a conscious self love that wanted to learn about healthier habits and food choices, and then in turn wanted to give myself those gifts. I found myself naturally enjoying letting go, one at a time, of foods that don’t enliven me.

So what made the difference this time around?

By engaging in the kind of work that Soulfullheart offers, I have gotten to know the more hidden parts of me, the wounded parts of me who sought and needed the comforts of my old lifestyle habits and the weight blanket around my body.  What’s more, I’ve been able to show up for the needs of these parts of me and that brings change on a much deeper level.

It’s interesting the root meaning of the word diet is ‘way of life.’ The foods we eat are very deeply about our way of life. Who we presently are as emotional beings is also most deeply about our way of life.

Your ‘way of life’ is a sacred journey in this life and it has taken you to where you are now, including your struggles with weight and food. Each habit you’ve been given to and each pound of weight gain is also a part of this sacred journey. It’s not less sacred because part of you doesn’t like the downside of it. Because you are a sacred being on a sacred journey, the good news is that, it’s all sacred; your choices, your weight gain and loss, your health decline and improvement.

These are all gifts to you this life that you ultimately control the direction of, but the path there involves getting to know and embrace yourself in a way that you haven’t known up until now.

I want to offer to you the Soulfullheart path to getting to know yourself in a much more intimate way than you’ve ever imagined, including finding who you were meant to be on a physical level just naturally arising as part of the healing.

​Visit soulfullheart.com for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart healing process.