A Part Of Me

part of me

By Raphael Awen

A bigger than usual personal piece for me the past few days, even to the point of choosing to not attend yesterday’s scheduled group call of ours, opened out. I felt to share a window of it, even as i’m still feeling a bit wobbly on some new-found legs, around it all.

A few days ago, I felt an energy in me frustrated with the pace of things ‘Why can’t spiritual growth be more instant? Why does it seem so foggy to truly remember who and what we really are? And when we do remember, why does it take so much process?’ I was also curious to have more of a visceral sense of my star-being self, (of who I am outside of this incarnation) as Jelelle and Kalayna have had open out for themselves recently. I felt a different tone to all of these energies and decided to journal with the voice of it that evening. A name came immediately as I did: ‘Rhodes’ which I later learned means ‘opening in the forest’ or ‘rose arden’. Rhodes told me that he was entrusted with keeping the veil of forgetfulness in place to make the whole earth-life thing doable. As I corresponded with him, negotiating with him to allow for a relaxation of this role of his in my life, he softened considerably and told me that I would feel an immediate shift and that I needed to be ready for it, as it can be quite destabilizing he told me. I was surprised by the sense of how much business we conducted in a short single journal session, but felt tired and that I needed to rest to hold what was coming.

That night, I had a dream where some men were sheeting a ceiling on a construction renovation project and it was clumsy as the house was unlevel and off square. A much more experienced guy walked in and offered that backing up and undoing the sheeting, correcting the settling first and starting over would be quite easy and much more effective in the long run. I took from that the guidance to be willing to let go of some ‘progress’ as well as some obvious struggle. Many times deconstruction is necessary in order to construct the life we really want. The valid thing we built before doesn’t fit where we want and need to go now.

The next morning, I had scheduled to take our dog Koda into the groomers for a much needed haircut and relief for the hot season. Between the language barrier and my desire to go through with this, and Koda’s protectiveness, I was left with having to leave him for the day, him maybe having to get a needle to sedate him as he can be bitey to strangers and especially groomers that don’t feel him. The clerk offered me a kennel to put him in and when I did, he resisted and I reassured him after feeling if this is what I should really do or not, and had to force him into the kennel. I then left, with Koda barking like crazy and me feeling quite uneasy about what was supposed to be a couple hour deal now stretching out into an all day affair with Koda having to be taken off site to some special groomers who can handle dogs who may bite. I had planned to hang out up town, but felt so uncomfortable for Koda that I went directly home thinking that Jelelle was going to say ‘You did what? OMG, we have to go and pick him up!’ Turns out Jelelle didn’t feel any of that and felt a trust about it all that I (and part of me) then rested into.

This then brought up the question about ‘why the big reaction in me?’. As I felt it, I was immediately brought back to feeling a visceral sense of moments in my life when I felt forced into a new context that I didn’t feel ready for, and into the pain of incarnation itself. I also recalled my early boyhood years with a dear friend that we used to play for hours alone together out in the woods in northern British Columbia. I recently learned that this area of Canada is known for considerable UFO activity, and I have been feeling into if my friend and I, and my fond memories are actually about a deeper connection with star-beings that were then obviously wiped from our memories. It only took a few moments of letting in all these feelings and i was immediately in tears. Jelelle of course supported me to go into the feelings. I took to my bed to weep out some of the most guttural tears I have ever had. The feelings ranged from anger at the necessary amnesia needed for our human earth-life journey, to realizing that I chose this, to feeling an overwhelming sense of love for the me who was forced into the many ‘kennels’ of human life. Later that evening, I was feeling into what this ‘Rhodes’ part of me was protecting so faithfully and I could feel the visceral sense of my star-being self. I happened to be corresponding with a man named ‘Andy’ that evening on facebook and I recalled how much I’ve always loved that name as ‘Andrew’ means ‘man,’ and it just felt right to call this emerging young part of me ‘Andy’ and see him as my star-being self.

So who’d have guessed that a trip to the dog groomer could bring up so much?! I of course recalled the familiarity of life circumstance coinciding with process and knew that none of this was random. Koda did make it home that evening, and although evidently he had been through alot, he was glad to be home, (although almost completely shaved, almost to the point of being unrecognizable, thanks again to the language barrier).

The next morning, (yesterday), was our scheduled group call and though I felt raw, I felt I could show up for the call as I’ve done lots of life while in process and feeling raw and have been shown how magical it can be to hold an emerging part of myself and take it into life with me as I do. As I lay in bed though and felt Andy, I felt how he didn’t want to show up for anyone, like doing the call would be stuffing him into the kennel. I was able to feel in all of my focus on service this life, particularly around showing up for public speaking, there has been a layer of self-consciousness that another part of me (Rhodes) has had to manage and suppress to keep things intact. This has left a layer of performing and unnaturalness with my service to others (though Jelelle assures me, it’s quite small) that when feeling Andy’s discomfort around people, feels quite big. Jelelle and Gabriel and Kalayna were more than equipped to do the call without me and I suspected there would be some corresponding reason for me not to be there as I chose to take Andy out on a wonder walk through town. (star-beings love to do that with you holding them)

Before heading out with Andy, I had to tend to Koda who had bouts of diarrhea and spitting up all night, feeling more of the trauma that he (and Andy) had both been put through, each on their respective timelines. As I was waiting for Koda to do his business, I looked up at the hillside and for the first time ever in our neighbourhood, I looked up at a mexican pheasant in flight heading our way as it flew into a nearby branch, lodged there a while and then flew again right across our field of vision putting on a little show for us with all of it’s beautiful colors. I knew it was a message and felt the love in it, but decided to google ‘pheasant animal totem’ to see what else might be there. I read about their magical power of attractiveness and pursuing what they want AND that they also know when to pull away and take respite for themselves. Okay, then, another message to pull away and be with myself (myselves).

I’m feeling, as i mentioned on some wobbly, but new legs in the world, feeling a very real aspect of myself, birthed out of the ‘amneasic sac’ of forgetfulness into being re-membered back into my conscious awareness. There’s a lot more to integrate it feels like, but I wanted to share this update as both Andy and Rhodes seem okay with me doing so as they both feel a new me here to hold them.

Turns out the group call went AMAZING without me, or maybe more like ‘with me being right where I was meant to be’.

Okay, back to digesting, …more pieces to put together…Thank you for feeling this with me, and may it give you a window into the magic of feeling your own parts.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to make a donation to support our work at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


Fractals Of The Divine



By Raphael Awen

Until we show up as an Aware Self, or our Authentic Self, to feel what a part of us is feeling AS it is feeling it, we are ‘fused’ with this part of us, and there is no space for feeling to flow. Feeling is more of a transmission between 2 or more parts of us, rather than what we see as a feeling ‘state’ of a singular self.

In the same way that we are fractals of the Divine, and that all Divinity can be found in any of its parts, so are our subpersonalities or parts of us fractals of us, or fractals of our Higher Selves. The Divine is not a singular entity, but rather an ever multiplying reality in an infinite reality and infinite love picture. If you are ‘having a bad day’, the Divine is feeling you and itself ‘having a bad day’ through you. If you bring your awareness to the Divine’s feeling of you, you make this real and tears of reunion flow. Until you bring your awareness to the love flow of the river between you and the Divine, you are ‘fused’ as a single and separate self. But when you see and feel your essence as a fractal of the Divine, you allow and create flow.

A single self cannot offer the feeling dance of duality to itself. It can only long for the imprint and presence of an ‘other’ to ‘transact’ love with. None of us are in fact any ‘single’ so called ‘self’, but instead a tapestry and diversity of parts with very different needs, desires, ages, orientations and reactions to life. Simply letting this picture into your awareness causes relief and resonance to flow. The only true ‘personality disorder’ is the one that sees and feels itself as an isolated singularity when in fact, we are all many. The single self is the fused self that must go external to find ‘other’, whether in human form or Divine form, to create any flow for everything it needs.

When you begin to feel yourself as a tapestry of parts and begin to differentiate the parts that make up your ‘you stream’, you feel the part of you that is so hungry for love contrasted with the part of you that actively resists love; you feel the part of you that wants to strike out in adventure contrasted with the part of you that is afraid of leaving home. When such polarities live in you ‘unfelt’, what we call ‘you’ comes across as some controlled flat-lined muddle in the middle. However, when you begin to feel these parts of you as they are inside of you; distinct beings and aspects of your BEing; each holding different aspects of your wounding and your healing; your conditioned anchors to ascension and your soul gifts that can soar; now, you open out to movement. Movement is what you came here for in the differentiated world of duality dancing and expressing.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to make a donation to support our work at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.


Beyond Peak Duality: Claiming Your Sacred Humanity


During these ascending times, you are being invited to claim your truest essence as sacred humans.  To claim your fullest expression that is void of limitations and impossibilities.  You are not being asked to leave your humanity behind, but rather to take all that you have learned during your time here in this dimension to fully inhabit something new that you get to add in Love’s quest to know, feel, and explore Itself.  

There is something in you that “knows” you are not all that you could be and ARE in this moment.  It is a heart and soul knowing. It is in your cells and DNA.  It is just what you are and all you can do is choose not to BE it.  That is a claim.  That is a choice based in your free-willed creative power.  OR you can choose to claim the greatest expression you can possibly dream of.  You can claim the Love that is reigning over you…as much as you can let in.  To truly claim the depth and breadth of this you must feel your own reverence as a human BEing.  

Being human can and has been felt as a prison sentence to some souls as the weight of this dimension has had its effects.  It trials and tribulations.  In this state of Peak Duality, separation had been the only game in town for many.  But now the tides are turning in Love’s favor.  We are literally propelling back toward higher consciousness with Gaia as our cruise ship. It is at this time that you came to heal all the karma and blocks that keep you apart from your true essence as a sacred human.  To claim that you are God, the Universe, and Infinite Love there is a bit of doubt and unworthiness that must be felt to clear the decks for Love from multiple sources to make its way in.  

You are being asked to BE on equal footing as angels, star beings, other aetheric energies, and even God Itself for you ARE all of them and they you.  This is a big pill to swallow and it is the process of claiming that brings you the healing you need to open up to what Metatron with Jelelle has referred to as Conscious Dualism and Sacred Humanity.   To be in a state of feeling the Oneness with All That Is while at the same moment feeling our individual expression within the Dual.  To revere your guides, angels, and star BEing family while at the same time letting in their reverence for you in all that you have been through and get to experience in this kaleidescope dimension of extreme variation of expression and feeling.  There is a birthing of something new for all of us in this magical connection and reunion.  We are not being saved.  We are being united as One.  That is a pretty cool picture but one that takes claiming and healing.  I look forward to the new vistas and magical possibilities that this continued expansion and reuniting will bring for all of us in the new world of higher dimensional consciousness…oh, yeah..and Love too.  🙂  

Gabriel Heartman is a facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  You can learn more about him at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Letting In The PURE Love You Are Receiving: Message From Archangel Metatron

By Metatron with Jelelle Awen


I am here. I have always been here and I always will be. I have been with you through your soul’s journey, all the lifetimes that your soul expressions are energizing in all the places and eras of time that they are expressing. I am with every soul in this way…..Always and in ALL WAYS.

I am close to Divine Source, so close that We are One in one way yet Divine Source is formless energy of Love so I take Its form and so do other archangels and teachers in the Ethereal realms. My purpose is to be the voice and scribe of Divine Source as we are ONE and I am VERY close to feeling this and so I can energize it for you to be close again too.

It is your sense of separation which has made you feel hurts and pains. Your sense of separation from Divine Source is an illusion. A necessary illusion that you CHOOSE as a soul when you put a cloak of forgetting over yourself in order to take on the form of human with Gaia. The illusion of being separate from Divine Source makes you feel lonely, deep down in a core way, that NO relationships with other humans can really help or cure. The ONLY cure is to connect with Divine Source again and to heal ALL of the blocks that divert the energies of Divine love waves that are CONSTANTLY coming at you.

If I look at most humans’ auric fields, there are waves and waves of love coming AT them. PURE love from the Divine, PURE love from Archangels, PURE love from guides and teachers in the etherics, PURE love from their star being family and galactic selves. This PURE love is raining down, like a waterfall, on their fields. ALL humans btw, not just a select few who are special or who are angel souls or who have decided to ‘activate their upper chakras’ or who have ‘activated their hidden DNA’ or who are ‘enlightened’ or ‘awakened’ or are ‘gurus.’ ALL souls receive this GIFT from the UNIVERSE of PURE LOVE. Please do take this into your heart as it helps to heal the separation illusion.

As ALL human forms (and animals) are fractals, children, from Divine Source, so ALL are worthy of receiving PURE love from It. This waterfall of Divine Love is splashing down on ALL, yet MOST humans are blocking it. They have created layers and layers of protective blocks to experiencing this love again. These blocks are made of unhealed karma. These blocks are made of unshed tears from hurts and pains. These blocks are made of fear. These blocks are also sacred and necessary until the soul wakes up and decides that it is time to REMOVE them.

SOME souls, like Jelelle and her soul group expressions, are very focused on healing and removing these blocks in order to be a human channel for this PURE love from Divine Source in whatever forms it wants and needs to come through for whichever soul is receiving it. There is no specialness in this, in one way, as ALL have the capacity to be this kind of channel. AND, Jelelle is special too (I’m feeling her struggling with typing and sharing that sentence but I want her to feel that it is true.) If you are reading these words RIGHT NOW, then I invite you to feel that you are a soul who is also dedicated to this purpose and that your higher self would like you to REMEMBER this.

It is an exciting phase as your Gaia herself wants to ascend to higher vibrational frequencies. She has chosen this and you are her guests, so you get to come along. If you are a version of you that blocks Divine Source love it will be harder for you to come along. You will experience being dragged or forced or you will just not be able to come and so leave the human body you are in in some form or another. Gaia wants to experience frequencies of unity in her inhabitants. She has held beautiful space for the human dualistic experiment because She too offers PURE love if you connect directly with Her energy. She has also had many personal pains and hurts done to her from humans and is now shifting to higher frequencies in order to end this cycle of suffering.

I will offer more to YOU directly if you’d like through Jelelle and her beloveds through the channel they call ‘SoulFullHeart’ and I would like to. I am also available to you RIGHT NOW….all you have to do is ask, open your heart, open your third eye, go within, clear the decks of your life of ALL that is false and not YOU, clear it of all that blocks PURE love from coming through. If you are ready and want it, you will experience me again as I am already there WITH YOU always and in ALL WAYS. It is NOW. And so it IS. ❤

 Archangel Metatron is available to serve love with and to those souls who are dedicated and focused on their personal ascension and assisting the ascension with Gaia. Jelelle Awen is co-creator, writer, and facilitator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions with her, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Get A Heart-on For Yourself

By Raphael Awen


Somehow, I know that my greatest gift to the world has to do with my desire and need to be loved.

As I feel that, and make it conscious more and more to myself, and see where I have that love and where I don’t at present, I am moved. My need and desire for love is what ‘unstucks’ me.

I’d like to title this Valentine’s Day message:

‘Get A Heart-on For Yourself’.

You see, you won’t ever actually find love ‘out there’ to any degree that exceeds the actual love you have learned for yourself. In fact, the lack of love you have for yourself will always be mirrored to you in the actual quality of your closest relationships.

The entire universe we live in is wired on love. I know it doesn’t look that way when we live on a planet that is so much wired on proving what love isn’t, but such a planet and such a motive, could only exist in a fear reaction to this potent and fearful love.

Reverence is another word for what we’re talking about here. More than anything in life, I want and need reverence. I want to be revered and I want to swim in reverence for all things. That’s the stuff the universe is made up of. That’s what I came here to learn and become certified in.

If this is true, (and I say that because I am well aware that I am proposing a very different view of the world), then it so beckons the deeper quest in all of us, collectively and personally, to learn how to let in love.

And if that’s the whole point, then realizing that point gets you to whatever is next, and that’s truly and awe-somely exciting.

What’s next can only and ever be more love, because we are infinite love, made by infinite love, seeking to come to terms with infinite love.

Now, we are asked IF we feel that, IF we believe that, IF we KNOW that, then what does being a student of that love mandate? Dare I use the word ‘dictate’? If love is thee most powerful force for which any and all force is derived, then love’s dictates are of supreme interest to me. This is a dictating mandating force that waits incredibly patiently, but ultimately cannot and will not take ‘no’ for an answer.

Wait now, I’m not speaking of an other, some power over you….I’m talking about your own, you-to-you relationship. You are this love and that love won’t settle till it finds you in you. Feeling this, and letting it color in and out of the lines in your life is the most transformative thing you will ever do in this earth plane.

The circumstances (encircling standing things) of your life are the witnesses and signposts to this sacred marriage. What is happening outside of you can only and ever be a reflection of what is happening inside of you.

For many, and even most of us, this comes as a testament, a reflection and a dawning realization of what we are not, intended to point out way back to what we are.

Life now asks us to take the most courageous step of our lives. Would we be willing to risk losing what we have, in order to gain what we are? Are we willing to say a firm ‘No!’ in a bid to find our ‘yes’.

Falling in love always births a death-and-rebirth cycle in our lives. True love always gives birth to new life, but only after it has suffered the death of what preceded the emergence of that love. Many can yearn for love, but use that yearning to avoid the death that life is inviting them into in order to take them to that love. There simply is no other way to this magical kingdom of getting a heart-on for you.

Sex is a perfect metaphor here. It’s a possessing force that can and wants nothing less than to take over your life. It wants you to be dripping wet (self-consciously so) with ache and desire, and then it wants to relieve and relive that desire over and over again…

Sounds pretty hot, huh? That’s because it is. Love is not ambivalent about you. Love has its heart-on very firmly (and discreetly) set on you, and only you. Extreme Monagamy, because this extreme Monagamy is the only doorway into extreme poly-amory. You cannot love the many until you love the one. That one is you. That you is love.

It won’t settle for anything less. It can’t settle for anything less.

Will you surrender to this love that you are?

(I dedicate this writing to my valentine, my outer reflection of my self love journey, my be-loved, my am-loved, Jelelle Awen)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and inspiration.

Supercharged Personal Growth


By Raphael Awen


Many of us have been made aware that time and space are not ultimately real.

They are real enough to us as we live our lives within a certain bandwidth of consciousness; the bandwidth that we call 3rd dimensional reality, but we are seeing and coming to terms with that time and space are creations or emanations of consciousness itself. They are very much like holographic projections we say, as we try to grok what life would be like if we didn’t see time and space as so damn real all the time (pun intended).

This leaves many of us somehow with a feeling of being tied to time and space, like we need to free our consciousness of time-and-space kind of reality processing. We tend to lean towards ‘If only, I could feel myself more outside of time and space…’, as we desire to get on with our consciousness awakening path. After all, amazing things like teleportation, telekinesis and dematerialization are all apparently on the other side of time and space as we perceive them.

This overriding desire to leave the realm of time and space can very helpful, and it can also be a big hindrance.

Initially, this awakening to see the ‘unrealness’ of time and space is essential to see ourselves outside of 3D reality for the souls we are; for the energy we are; for the consciousness we are; for the emanations of infinite love that we are. All very good stuff.

However, in that, there is an inherent tendency to see time and space as what limits us from the heart and soul freedom we long for; what keeps us bound to 3D consciousness. We feel we need to get out beyond time and space to the truer, or deeper reality.

I’m feeling this, this morning, in myself. I feel how more than anything I want to grow. I want to perceive myself and my life and my relationship with every’one’ and every’thing’ in this momentous and measurable flow of growth. So of course the idea of coming free of time and space limited perceptions and soaring into heart and soul reality lands pretty much at the top of my list.

Here’s the kicker though. The two things that are most needed for growth are (you guessed it) nothing else, but TIME and SPACE! Try growing a few vegetables successfully without time and space!

What a pretzel. I want to get free of time and space so I can grow??? It doesn’t work that way.

So what’s really going on here?

Consciousness itself gave us time and space as its own emanation. It didn’t give us something we don’t need. We need time and space for our growth. The problem is not with time and space, but instead how we have made a god out of time and space, rather than revere the source of time and space; consciousness itself.

So how could this be different…on a practical level?

In every space and at all times, see if you can more and more turn your awareness to awareness itself. When you do this, you are supercharging the intended purpose of time and space, which is growth.

Look at this. It’s really important. Put it in your own words. Frame it within your own experience and reference. Grok it into your sacred world.

When you experience time and space with reverence, you are experiencing the emanations of consciousness itself. When you turn your consciousness in reverence to consciousness itself, you have love looking at love; you have life staring at life; you have God looking on God. And you have all the time and space you can imagine to work this out and into your life as you know it.

Now, you’ve got the quantum version of hydroponic heart and soul growth cooking big time. And the coolest thing is that there isn’t a single time or space where this opportunity is not available to you. It’s as simple as turning your attention.


Now, you’ve just left all the constraints of time and space and fully inhabited them at the same time. Welcome to the God class. You are God enrolled in God 101.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and inspiration.

Throw-Away Love



By Leena Colibri


In a world made for the throw-away
plastic anything




How can real love show its colours
of brilliant black, blue, red and gold?
The bruises and dents on the quest’s trail
and the blood bled from the freshly opened heart
can barely shine through the muddle
the muttering
the utter grossness of our need for something more to pitch.


The pliable heart with plastic implants placed by dense fingers with no dexterity just reaction
nearly made impossible to open.
Nearly patented to be perfectly beyond reach
and beyond the touch of real, sacred human love.


There’s a way to see it
there’s a way to be with it
there’s a way to look and love beyond it
there’s a way to penetrate the din within that all-too-sacred noise and static
created by a static life
with static means
running out of ground too quickly
…or not quickly enough.


Love, breathe the hot air of passion down my neck.
Let it run out onto my swollen chest
barely holding my bare, aching heart.
Whisper that it’s over those times of war within
and that you are here to stay
so long as I claim you, want you, breathe you, need you.


So long as I can stand to keep letting you in.


So long as you can stand my insatiability.


May the world cry rumble below
into the caverns of the depths of soul and heart
showing the cracks on the walls of the ache and the pain and the need for more, more, more…


synthesis not synthetic
surreal but real


To heal, to feel…to ask for the real, live, moving, passionate, messy, sacred, ultimate piece
driving onward, inward, upward and out
bringing us to that longed-for place of release
realizing we could have seen it, held it, had it all along
if we had just asked.


Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.