Birthday Tribute To A King

Rs bday

Today is my best friend’s birthday. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without him, but if that came to pass I would have learned what it means to truly be a Man. A man of integrity, of curiosity, and of passion. His love of Life and Love is unlike any I have witnessed. His depth of inhabitation and reverence is unmatched. I am so blessed and honored to have drawn such a beacon of what is possible on the other side of feeling it ALL.

In the midst of great change their lies a man
A man who has weathered great storms
With the reverence and courage of a true King
One who has never been afraid to feel what lies underneath

Underneath the resistance, the doubt, and the fear
To unearth what is real and in both the light and the shadow
To see and feel what wants and needs to be felt
To bring himself to a state of greater consciousness and infinite love

There lies few men that are willing to go the full distance
Uncovering the layers to get to the greatest prize of all
The ability to create the life of joy and purpose that he has always dreamed of
Serving, teaching, feeling, loving

I have been so blessed to have been in your presence
Your guidance, reflection, and brotherhood
This day birthed the best friend a man could ever hope to have
A man of integrity, transparency, and serious f!cking velocity

It has been an honor and a gift to be able to serve with you
Learn WITH you
Love WITH you
Explore WITH you

We have many unknown places to uncover together
Some easier than others
ALL in service of what we were meant to feel and heal
And for that I am grateful

Your leadership of heart, passion, and purpose has been my greatest gift
Thank you for all that you have offered, modeled, and meant to me and my parts
From Emmerich, William, Liam, Bill, Chris, Sequoia, Nathaniel,
Christopher, Raybone, Simon, Christian, and Xavier

We love you….from one man’s heart to another

Happy Birthday Raphael Awen




Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at


In Your Heart Gaze: Poem Celebrating Sacred Union

By Jelelle Awen

R birthday

Nine years ago, I wrote this poem as I was newly falling in love with BEloved man, my Counterpart soul mate Raphael Awen for which I am so blessed to arise into life with and who celebrates the day of his birth today!

For you, my love, my joy, I am SO grateful for you and for US…..I am still falling….

You said: “How uncluttered our playground,
Swept clean by the unknown and
Free from the grasping that secures love,
But closes the heart.”

As you said, in your fashion that gives
Way to a rising flight of desire
Inside of me

And in your heart gaze, I feel delicate as
An orchid’s fastly fresh season

Between us,
The quiet is
So loudly gentle, a heat-filled
Riot of alive silence

And in your heart gaze, I feel still and strong as
The tide’s force on water

My love, I ache to wrap around you
You in your leading,
Without any contortions
Or otherwise obvious struggle

I am claimed, not caught,
Free to finally let go into
A woman’s legacy of leaning….


Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond .

Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

For Raphael Awen: Happy Birthday! Thank You For YOUR Love…

by Kalayna Colibri

R bday collage 2017


Every young part of my heart

ached for the love of a man like you.

A man in quasi-father-figure-ness

also unafraid of his sexuality

and his shadow

who could “see” me/us

with no lecherous intent

however buried.


Your love

is like water…

for my rose garden

of young femininity

that is somehow

ancient too.


Your capacity

to hold and BE so much

PURE love

comes from so much


inner healing

courageous choices

and the deepest feeling spaces

that only a true King

can feel and inhabit

and live in…


You pick up where fathers

and mates

have left off

and help me

pick up the pieces

and parts

that have needed love like yours.


When my heart says ‘thank you’

to you today,

it knows

I couldn’t be healing all of this

without YOU,

with the YOU that you have cultivated

the YOU that loves so deep

and cares so much.


Thank you for being

the jarring voice

of deep masculine love.


Thank you for being

the father-surrogate

my youth has needed

in all loves frequencies you carry.


Thank you for showing

and demonstrating

how a healing

loving woman

should ask

and wait

and hold out for

the most exquisite overflow

of love

from a mate.


And thank you…

most of all…

for being unabashedly YOU,

whatever that means in moments

and however that changes with process

and shifting desire-choices…





Aging UP: Entering A New Life And LOVE Phase On My ‘Birthday’

by Kalayna Colibri

Shiloh Sophia Queen of Her Own Heart.jpg

This painting is by Shiloh Sophia

I turn ’30’ tomorrow. A surreal feeling, as age and time have felt less and less important and real to me, except for those phases when it has to somehow. There are still some really important life phases and experiences that seem to happen mostly during certain ages or decades of our lives, so sometimes it IS important to acknowledge ‘age’ though I feel looser and looser about it, especially for myself.

I think I spent most of my ’20’s’ looking forward to turning ’30’. My 20’s felt awkward and strange at times. So much more self-discovery and remembrance happened during this ‘decade’ of my life than in my teenage years, though so much got started then too. Many phases of letting go, learning to let in, surrendering, hoping, wishing, losing sight of magic and wonder and then rediscovering it again, loving a man, moving through relationships, learning to love humanity again even when parts didn’t want to… this is just a taste of where I chose to go, venturing into shadow and light both and facing sometimes very, very humbling mirrors.

The ups and downs were palpable and as I reflect on them, my god, they were all so worth it to bring me HERE to this NEW place inside me that is more compassionate, more overflowing with love, more desirous of mateship inside and outside of me, more desirous to FEEL and HEAL whatever I need to no matter how challenging, and more willing to step into my destined leadership, starting within and moving without. My heart wants to BE and experience feminine stillness and also experience heart-based, vulnerable, transparent leadership happening more and more from inside of me, to serve and BE love, even when boundaries are necessary and conflicts may arise for one reason or another, all in the name of growth and letting in more and more and MORE with less and less shrinking or hiding or cloaking from parts of me who are fused to fear.

Rolling around with a part of me through reactions to ALL of this arising inside me took the place of sleep most of the night last night. In some ways it was the reactions that kept me up and yet it was also new energies coming in, or so it feels like to me now as I reflect on and feel into this all some more. I’m getting ready and being filled up and at the same time being flushed OUT. This morning has been mostly restful for me, despite any ‘plans’ I thought I had… I feel as if I’m trying to expand my container for letting in LOVE and letting it move through me in conscious transaction and relationship with others. There is so much juice coming in now, being offered to all of us actually. This juice can’t come in without us being juiced first! It can feel like a squeeze at times, as reactions surface and sometimes feel overwhelming and hard to track. Sometimes it feels to me like all I can do is surf it all and trust that as I’m feeling it, it’s also moving, and that there’s  a fast track happening. I’m ON the train now, and it’s moving faster and faster.

As I enter this new ‘age’ of my life, it feels inaugural… I feel how much my inner Queen is arising now. She is waiting to be crowned at an official coronation, held inside me with guides and so, so much love. She is who I’ve been waiting and WORKING for, processing for, healing for. She is who gets to lead in my life now, more and more, as my healing continues and my persona parts of me continue to rest. She is the one ascending to her heart throne while also ascending to the throne built for her in the Universe, joining other Kings and Queens that are also showing up there more and more, leading humanity consciously and subconsciously through this phase of ascending with Gaia. She IS Mother Gaia, as we all are. She IS you just as she IS me and she also is a bridge, a platform, a ship, a rocket, a star and light BEing and leader. She is feeling her purity of heart come forward again at deeper and deeper depths as all I’ve healed and am healing helps to create her crown of jewels atop her head. She is my leader, my healer, my LOVEr living inside my heart and soul. And she is waiting along with me, helping me make room for a King to come and dance with her energy in sacred union, sacred sexuality, sacred and conscious duality, and sacred humanity.

As I find my rebirth into this new universe, I feel this birth canal that she is being pushed through by love and desire. She is responding already to what is coming and what is being asked of me and of her. We won’t be perfect together, yet there is no need for that. Many different birth canals await and that’s okay too, for the need for mess in order to grow is not foreign to me! Yet there is also harvest coming and feasts of celebration inside of myself and with others too. AND I look forward to welcoming more of ALL of our inner inter-galactic, inter-dimensional royalty, as we all reemerge and reunite in this way.

From my Queen to yours, or perhaps your King if you’re a man, thank you for being a part of what has created my journey so far. You have taught me and continue to teach me more than you could maybe be aware of really and I feel you… I honour you. I love you.

In arising and ever-flowing love,

Queen Kalayna ❤



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

On This Day: A Birthday Poem To Jelelle



On this day Love birthed a most unique and treasured Soul

A Soul willing to traverse the wilds and shadows of the Heart

To bring its gifts and pleasures to a world so in need to remember

The greatest part of what it means to be human

On this day Love birthed a woman, a mother, a leader, and a lover

Born to change the world and the cosmos with a passion unfettered

To bring true peace and prosperity by bringing it to herself

And then to those that could feel her genuine love for them

On this day Love birthed a friend, a mate, and a mirror

One who woke up my poetic heart and my starseed soul

Into the ever stunning universe of what it means to be alive

And in fullest expression of my true King’s heart

On this day may the blessings of all you ever dreamed

Be the prevailing winds toward the life of your infinite desire

You are the most incredible soul I have ever met

And have been so ever grateful for all that you have given to me

And all that you have meant to me as a former mate, mother of our child, and a

treasured friend

I love you Jelelle Awen….on this day and always.

Happy You Day!  


Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

For Jelelle’s Birthday: To Jelelle Awen, As We Celebrate YOUR Day!

by Kalayna Colibri

bday collage for Jelelle 2017

For all that you hold and have held…

Thank you.

For all that you’ve been through, moved through, found your way to the other side through…

Thank you.

For your courage to be human AND spread your wings too…

Thank you.

For the beauty you are, that you have and that you add in every moment to this world…

Thank you.

For the realness and reality of your truest being, the messy, the light, the shadowy depths and the highest reaches of hallowed sweetness…

Thank you.

For your depths of creativity, your sacred feminine alchemy, your vulnerable, mesmerizing leadership…

Thank you.

For all those times of bringing me back in, bringing me your truth, opening your heart to more love and holding difficult though necessary boundaries that have helped both you and I grow SO much…

Thank you.

For your constant templating, your reminders of how to love and advocate for yourself…

Thank you.

For ALL of the double vision led NEWnesses of incoming rumbles that lead to sweeter lands and waters for true soul and heart substance and sustenance…

Thank you.

For all of the hugs, the reflections, the sessions, the guidance, the LOVE…

Thank you.

I feel as if I couldn’t thank you enough for all that your heart and soul have been and signed up for and walked through with me, with us, and on your own too. There’s no word beyond “thank you” in our spoken language, yet LOVE seems to be the one that surpasses it all…

So in love, with love, for love and by love… I LOVE you and LOVE that we get to share LOVE and grow in LOVE together.

Happy day of your human birth into this lifetime and this dimension, Soul, Heart and Energy BEing, Jelelle Awen! ❤

Letting In Love On Our Birthdays


Compassion flows the strongest from self love, not self sacrifice.

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

I am diligent, repeating my “Ma Om” mantra and touching parts of my body, imagining Kuan Yin merging with me. I particularly hover my hands over my seven chakras, which are whirling centers of energy in our etheric or subtle body. I grip a rose quartz in my hand as that is the stone that holds the energy of the Divine Mother to me.

I feel the warmth of Kuan Yin’s presence and her voice, bright in my head, saying, “Happy Birthday, Jilly Bird!”

I am a little surprised by her enthusiasm about my 44th birthday. “Is it happy? I mean, is it really anything?”

“It is a celebration of you! I celebrate you!” She enthuses at me.

“Birthdays are an illusion, aren’t they?” I ask, ever trying to be the good student.

“In the sense of….there is no time, yes. In the sense of……you being born and dying every arising moment rather than just being born in one moment, yes.”

“Yes, and in the sense of numbers of years on earth being meaningless to reflect true maturity.”

She smiles her soft smile at me.

“In previous years I have felt a young part of me, my inner child, become very excited about my birthday,” I say. “She would want to feel special and she wanted attention. This year, she feels content inside of me and, in some ways, like this day is the same as any other.”

“Birthdays offer a space to receive appreciation, recognition, and well wishes. You want these, don’t you?”

I don’t have to think about this for long. “Of course. Although sometimes it can be a struggle to let it in.”

“Yes, a struggle. This is what to feel today, Jelelle. On your birthday. To feel letting in love into your heart.”

At that moment, I feel a surge of warm energy in my fourth or heart chakra. It radiates out, like the sun, like a stone dropped into a pond rippling soft waves in all directions.

I feel the capacity to let in love expand with Her energy and Her encouragement.

I also feel how compassion has to start with myself before it can truly overflow to others. Letting the love and appreciation I receive on my birthday from those people most intimate with me creates an overflow that can then go to others. This is the true way that compassion flows the strongest……from self love, not self sacrifice.

I carry this feeling of letting in with me as I check my emails and my facebook account. I am brought to tears a few times by the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from others, especially those in our SoulFullHeart community.

And, I feel in this where my heart is more comfortable still giving out then letting in. Even after years of being in a marriage with a mate who showers me with affection and attention. Even after years of receiving gratitude from students who I serve and have served. Even after years of feeling connection with the Divine Mother and the exquisite sense of being loved by Her as a beloved daughter.

The process of letting in and receiving love is an ongoing one and I believe a much harder energy to inhabit than giving love. It is a wonderful practice though, on our birthdays or any other ‘normal’ day.


Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Sacred Re-Birthday


By Christopher Tydeman

In each of us, we hold a sacred human seed.  An embryo, if you will.  There is not one person that does not have it, as we are all a part of All That Is.  Our destiny is to manifest, give birth, to this divine child within us.

Yesterday was my birthday.  I reread my blog from last year and felt the emotional place I was in.  It was a time of major change in my life, as it is again this year.  Last year I was birthing into a new relationship with myself, SoulFullHeart, a mate, and the Divine.  This year the same statement is true, just on a deeper ground.  Last year, I was letting go all I was.  This year I am letting in all I am.

The birthing process in SoulFullHeart is not a simple task.  It can be a very trying time for the part of us that is resisting the Divine flow of growth and change.  The level of pain is equal to the level of resistance.  A part of me says, “You make it sound like torture!”  This is not a physical pain that I refer to, but an emotional period of letting go and letting in.

In each of us, we hold a sacred human seed.  An embryo, if you will.  There is not one person that does not have it, as we are all a part of All That Is.  Our destiny is to manifest, give birth, to this divine child within us.  It is always striving for this as a plant is drawn toward the sun.  It will not be denied.  Does that sound like fate?  It does to me, but the rate of that growth and the choice to bloom rest solely in our sacred authority.

There is a Divine paradox in that.  I have a destiny, for which I won’t be denied, but get to choose how and when I want that to unfold.  Fate and freewill.  When we are awakened to this truth within us, there comes a time when we have to make a challenging choice. Do we resist this growth and stay stuck in our painfully protective shell, or do we move through a temporal pain (or “pane” as in window pane) to be born into a bigger more expansive place, with more air and more light?

The scary part is that we have no clue what lies on the other side of that birth canal, just as a baby doesn’t when they exit the womb.  In that moment there is the Mother, our Mother, who is waiting with Her blanket of love to wrap you up and help you feel it will all be okay.  You are surrounded by others in a soulful-hearted family who have been there too, and will welcome you into your reality and emotional consciousness with open arms and hearts.  This is your first sacred SoulFullHeart birthday.  Welcome home.

 Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio ShowFor more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit

A SoulFullHeart Birthday

By Cristian Tydeman

When I was a kid, my birthday was a day in which, for one 24 hour period, I was the star.  I took center stage and everyone else was my supporting cast.  It felt good to be recognized and acknowledged for just being me.  So much so, that I remember telling people it was my birthday, just to receive those accolades.  A cheesy grin would be painted on my face.  “If it could only be like that every day, for everyone,” says my young Christopher part.  Words of angelic desire, from the lips of a child.

As I got older, the feeling around my birthday was that it was “just another day”.  I appreciated the phone calls, the cards, and the gifts, but somehow the magic just wasn’t there anymore.  Or I just couldn’t let it in.  The focus of the birthday became the number and not the pats on the back and the sweet cards from my daughter.  Somewhere along the way, I didn’t feel I was worth it.  Or at least a part of me didn’t.

This is hitting me pretty hard in the moment.  This feeling that, out of all the days during my life, a part of me couldn’t let in love for that ONE day.  A part of me couldn’t enjoy the beauty and joy around him.  The same letting in that I allowed as a child.  I had become desensitized to my own heart.

But this birthday was different than any other.  Today I let in the love from those that I love the most.  So much so, I found myself crying in the middle of my classroom as I read emails from my new SoulFullHeart family.  My young Christopher, wanting so desperately to be with them and eat cake and ice cream and be sung to.  “No gifts, Cristian, just love, please,” is the only thing he can say with tears in his eyes.

The tears are of longing and ache to be there with them, but also of letting go.  Letting go of the family he used to spend his birthdays with.  The birth family where the birthday memories began.  Yeah, we got cards and a gift from them.  There is love behind them that we acknowledge and are grateful for.  But it is not the “love” that neither I nor he desire.  It is a “love” for an old me.  The sentiment being sent was that “no matter who you are we still love you.”  It seems like a sweet gesture, but that is not good enough anymore.  I am not swayed by guilt anymore.  I want a family who will feel me AND my parts. I want a family who will shower my young Christopher with love and praise.  I want a family who will lovingly challenge us without the bite of criticism, judgment, or faithlessness.  I want a family who I have a common ground with.  A family we can learn from and respect by their own example.  I choose a SoulFullHeart family.

I am grateful for all my birth family provided for me.  They are why I am here, becoming who I am.  I drew them for a reason, and my time with them has been completed, at least for the short term.  If they so choose to go into their own hearts, and heal their own shadow, I would be there greeting them with open arms.  Until then, this may be my last birthday in contact with them.  Hence, the tears.

On the flip side, there is newness.  A re-birth, if you will.  The uncovering and discovering of the REAL me.  The ME that has been repressed and suppressed for far too long.  The ME that is the head of this household I call my SFH Self.  The ME that is the space-holder and lover of all my parts, especially my dearest Christopher.  They have a new father to lean into.  A new family to be supported and guided by.  As for me, I have a new love blossoming and a new NOW to create with her.  I have a rekindled love affair with the Divine in all Her beauty and grace.

Hello everyone.  Today is my first birthday and my name is Cristian.

Note from Jillian: I made this photo collage for Cristian to celebrate the day of his birth and his emerging birth into himself. Seemed appropriate for this post.:)