Day 4 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 4

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 4 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here)

Raphael: Top of the morning crew! Beautiful Motley Crew! It’s 4:44 am on December 24, and I’m feeling good to go again, running on some new high octane adrenaline. How is everyone else doing?, who wants to check in?

Rhodes: Hello Everyone. This is Rhodes. I’m liking the recap yesterday, Raphael, that you started in on of your earliest journey into the whole God awareness thing, which was also my earliest journey this life of awakening. I’m hoping you’ll continue on those stories. I know I was there for all of that, but there is a way, I never felt any of that then. I just was that. What I’m feeling now is the comparison of one on hand, the backdrop of our desires to go to new and expanded places of consciousness that we can’t even quite name or fathom yet, though it’s fun to try for sure, compared with this tension of feeling the past, and overlaying it onto the future, side by side in the Now, and somehow that opens a portal, an entry portal. And until we feel the so called past, then we aren’t done with it. The whole point of the past was the feeling of it, so if we haven’t felt it, we’re not done with it, or it isn’t done with us, and is very much in the Now. That’s what I’m feeling.

Merlin: Rhodes, you’ve been totally holding out on us. That is some really cool shit. The drama of our stories are a storehouse of magic that we’ve collectively been afraid of up till now. The magic contained in our stories gets activated the more we are willing to feel it, but most fear the unknown of their own magic and where it wants to take them. I’m dying to have some fun, and this challenge before us of attempting to connect with the Demiurge feels as exciting as it gets. I do get the need to feel the past, to dial it into the present, to let the past time-travel into the Now, where there is a curious heart for it to land in that wasn’t there before. Hell, take me for instance, I didn’t even know I existed up until recently, till Raphael was willing to realize my reality, bridge me into his dimension, so I could feel my own dimension and then bridge between the two.

Raphael: My goodness, I have to like pause for minutes after one of you speaks to let in the bandwidth of the frequencies you are vibrating at, and even then, I’m hesitant to break the spell. How cool that is! It adds to the adrenaline I’ve been on the past few days adjusting to these new frequencies, since all this started and it is really exciting. Metatron, I have to ask your input before I go back to my journey…

Metatron: I’m luvin’ it. I’m loving the feeling and healing space here. I know all of us have questions about how we are going to gain audience with the Demiurge, and then wondering what his demeanor towards us will be, if and when we do gain audience, and I’m feeling in all of that, a ‘not-knowing our way to knowing’. It’s so freeing to admit our cluelessness and just want what we want. I’ve learned that from watching you actually, Raphael, over and over again, and I never get tired of the lesson. It always comes out in the wash.

Raphael: Morning love fest! Thank you. I’ll take that, with room for more. Yumm.

I’m feeling to ask if there’s any trepidation in the room about us talking so freely about the Demiurge. I mean yesterday, who was it, Jim, right, went off about the Bible being horseshit, and then it went a bit downhill from there…even got Merlin swearing…

Rhodes: I’ll take the bait on that one if I may again. I’m still taking in and remembering what you said Metatron from day one that everything, and everyone, and every last stitch of consciousness, gets its lease from love to have existence. That I feel includes the Demiurge, though it’s taken me a while to get there. If that’s true, that even he’s made of love, then he’s just what we see as a strange pretzeled version of love somehow, that we haven’t figured out yet. I’ll bet, we look kind of strange to him too for that matter, so if he needs to make jokes about us, to himself and his cohorts, like we are about him, then I say that’s all good. I just don’t feel like he’s some big boogeyman that has the power to cave the roof in on our heads for talking freely.

Okay, that was a bit spacious, because not all of me is liking him by any means. He’s fucked over humanity for a long time and that shit needs to stop. Sorry, I just can’t use pretty language to talk about the pain. I still feel a lot of anger for sure about the journey it’s taken to come to this place of a bit of space around my anger.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you nailed a bunch right there. That answered the tension really well, and opens it out too. Thank you.

So, with that then, I think I’ll pick up for a bit from where I left off. This story telling to an interested and curious audience, in all of your ears and in the ears of the Demiurge itself, is moving something in me.

Let’s see, where was I before Jim took over yesterday with his Holy Horseshit Bible comparisons?

Merlin: You were leaving the family church for the chandelier swinging one.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. So I get myself settled into this new church and Bible School, riding my bicycle across town each morning. About 6 or 7 Months later, one bright soul and beautiful woman in the church (whom I’ll call Mar-yam as that name seems to fit her soul) and I get together over some volunteer mission efforts doing graphics in the church office and we hit the ground running. I’m a bit surprised, but it so answers a palpable loneliness that a part of me was consciously wrestling with. Our first date feels great over some higher end pizza. We talk openly and get ourselves squared away on the no-sex thing, even to the point of theorizing together that kissing is a form of sex and that its rightful ‘god ordained’ place is in the context of engagement, as in engaged to be married. I admit, I came up with that one.

So, what we dredged up was that dating is the rightful context for the spirit to come together; engagement is the place for the souls to come together; and marriage is the place for the bodies to come together. We took the whole ‘no sex before marriage’ thing to way overblown proportions that no one was pushing on us. Looking back, it’s so apparent that the one place the parts of us were resonating around was a big discomfort in our sexuality, again, pawning it off as ‘dedication to God’ for safekeeping.

I mentioned yesterday the earlier 11 month relationship from my previous church setting where the bliss so suddenly ended, that was a year or so prior to this one now emerging with Mar-yam. I see now that the undigested pain of not being able to grieve the loss of that earlier bliss, made a part of me feel I had disappointed or displeased God somehow. Her name was Cheryl, and Cheryl and I had kissed like there was no tomorrow, and we must have gotten outside of ‘Gods Order’ somehow, or it wouldn’t have ended so painfully. I so wanted this new relationship to have God’s blessing, as part of me felt there was no room to go through another loss on this level, ever. No room for any more trial and error. Why suffer in error when you can have God’s truth instead?

We had each of our wired-up woundings resonating like two tuning forks that so played into each others dynamics, but also our leading edge desires and dreams were also resonating for sure. An easy closeness and trust unfolded inside of these extra-safe self-imposed boundaries we charted out together. Maryam confided her pain early on around intense sexual abuse by her dad, and a wandering into some sexual promiscuity as a result that preceded her reach out to God.

We shared a big excitement to make our lives ‘really count for God’. Maryam had also recently abandoned an attempt at joining a catholic convent in line with her families church background, and so we both felt excited about being in this new, very different, cutting edge church and bible school that was so set to really go places and achieve big things for God. Maryam was also the church secretary and led aspects of the church services and was a personal friend of the Pastors to boot. We wanted more than anything to serve as teachers and leaders in an adventurous foreign missionary kind of setting, with our new church’s brand of excitement and passion.  ‘Please, God, anything but aimless western living and its values and boredom’.

I’ve since been able to feel several parts of me, and parts of my Metasoul too, who were activated at this time in my life with all the new beginnings. Part of me privately fancied itself more than anything being a great preacher, able to cast spells, of the godly variety, over audiences. I had also completely abandoned before entering bible school, a tech school trajectory where I was fixing to get a technicians certificate for drafting or surveying, to upgrade the kind of work I was doing. God, and the world didn’t need another draftsman. It needed a preacher with the truth! My employer must have agreed, because when things slowed down slightly, I was let go shortly after being talked to for distributing religious ‘tracts’ in the office.

With all those juices flowing right along between Maryam and I, along with the ‘no kissing while dating’ rule, it was only a month before we kissed, and so we both agreed that we were now engaged. We crossed over the line we set for ourselves. She was 24, and I was 21, and we were married after a 5 month engagement with lots of sanctioned kissing. It was a long road to my inner teenager finally getting laid, and to ‘giving my virginity to God’, and to my wife, but it felt great, it felt so right, and with God’s guarantee and blessing to boot! We never looked back, for a long time, until we did, some 20 years later.

Wow…

Metatron: What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: yeah…. feel and heal, feel and heal…

Metatron: I’m just vibing again what I learned from you…

Raphael: Thank you Metatron, time to digest a bit here isn’t it?

As I’m sharing this story, it’s changing me on the inside again. I’m feeling the part of me then, very present in this Now, Marvin, as I was named then, and have since differentiated and gotten to know as a part of me, who so wanted so much, and wanted to bargain with God to get that ‘so much’, who was also afraid to get anything less. ‘I’ll give you all this God, if you’ll give me that’.

I’m also feeling how much pain Marvin carried inside of his bones too that began around being conceived inside of the cocoon of my mom’s deep and unmoving depression, from his very conception, born into my mom’s lineage of feminine suppression under a patriarchal God, with a patriarchal dad, and a patriarchal husband, and a mom and entire social world in similar lockdown. I know that by the time Marvin made it through the gauntlet of his teens, through the these sudden shifts, he wanted to find the ‘lying down in green pastures’ spoken of in Psalm 23. He wanted to find the way to live that was blessed and guaranteed by God. He was so stunningly surprised that the adult world was actually this fucked up, and no one was doing anything about it, though he had now parted with that kind of language, and anything else that could be remotely considered a vice.

Marvin has since gone on to transmute into my Inner Child, and then my Magical Child, and even beyond as I feel him mostly now in my Star-seed Galactic Self that arose recently whom I call Andy. We sometimes sing our own version of the familiar Sunday School song ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own’, which is kind of a perfect digestion of all that God seeking churchy feelings of how it was connection with our own being we were seeking the whole time. We couldn’t see that for what it was and so we arranged for ‘God’ to hold that for safekeeping.

Merlin: Andy is like the friggin’ best! He knows fun and wonderworld walking like no one I know. If you want to go play, call on Marvin, or Andy rather, or both! Let’s get this party started in here.

Raphael: I know right. It’s a bit serious in here isn’t it, but I just have one more piece to feel today and it gets to the heart of this journey to face the Demiurge.

Merlin: Okay, that’s good too, I’m sure it will lead to fun eventually.

Raphael: I think so too, Merlin, and thank you for your patience… 🙂

The piece that is dawning in me, and on me, is feeling how much I, and my beloved parts of me shaped God in my own image, even created this creator being. Granted, It was my family conditioning this life that got me up and running with this set to my sails, but I needed to shape this God into a spaceholder of my Higher Self that I couldn’t consciously yet see or feel inside my own heart.

I’m looking for the right words to put around this…

I mean in the sense that I was afraid of my own heart and its capacity to feel. I know that wasn’t just about this life’s wounding though this life wounding was also needed to backlight it all in order for it to come to the light of day.

You could say, I used God, projected onto God, the Demiurge, my unconscious sense of my Higher Self.

Metatron, can you help me out here, what am I trying to put words around?

Metatron: What I feel it as is kind of simple. You made God into the monster that he had no choice but to become; becoming dis-eased with a greatness that he, and it, was unable to bear, having neither earned it, nor being worthy of it. And as they say ‘power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely’. You, along with the rest of us, made the Demiurge into an ‘absolute authority’; an ‘outside of us’ projection of our innate perfection and power, that we couldn’t yet relate with. That’s enough to cook anyone’s goose.

Raphael: Wow, when you put it that way, it makes me feel like I owe him an apology…

Metatron: …something to feel into, for sure. We all did this though, Raphael . And we all need to face the monster of our own creation.

Raphael: And what if there’s only a few of us ready to begin that?

Metatron: Then that makes us the ones to stand in the gap between the Demiurge and man. Sounds a bit heady, I know, but it’s real. The Demiurge doesn’t need to make his peace with all men and women individually to find and feel his remorse, his anger, his feelings. He only needs one actually, because, as with anything in the universe, the one, or any one, contains the all.

Merlin: You smoke the best stuff Metatron. I say we break and party-on at your pad. We have to get ready for Christmas a bit too which is tomorrow. Sounds like your talking total Christ child stuff, pretty timely if we’re gonna go by the Christian calendar. We could even redeem some Christmas carols out of the YouTube and have a sing along. You feel like ‘Hark the herald Angels sing’ kind of Archangel!

Raphael: Merlin, you know how to put a bow on things. That about says it for now, doesn’t it everyone? Wow, this gives us, and I know me for sure, some more digesting to do.

Let’s pick up again tomorrow. Thank you everyone, everyone here, everyone beyond, and everyone yet gathering, to form this one posse of hearts as an Ambassadorship to the Demiurge. The Demiurge, I feel is beginning to be expecting us. Thank you especially for feeling and helping me digest my own story too again today. I know I’d like another day or two to digest a few more pieces of my own story together. We are soon about to learn the Demiurge’s side of this story, but all things in their time.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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The Portal To Your Wildest Dreams Lies With(yin)

 

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Taking in a new arising desire for creativity after yesterday’s deep rest gestation gateway. It has a more balanced masculine approach to it. In a state of creation without production. This writing may not see publication. Who knows? I don’t even really know what I am focusing on today. Just being in the Now with what is moving through me. Letting feeling and intuition guide the way.

This creative motor is the root of our BEing. We are constantly creating. Responding to our inner emotional needs, fears, and desires. I desire to serve others in the name of Love through and with the SoulFullHeart process. I respond to that desire with writing, recording, meditating, connecting, and living the process in my daily life. I desire to heal, so I respond to that with feeling my inner world of parts and metasouls as the need arises in life and relationship triggers. It is not always neat and tidy. Matter of fact, it is rarely so because emotions are just not meant to be that way. If our Higher Self didn’t want to feel and experience all of this, you and I just would not be here. This is still a bit to swallow, especially if you have had, or are going through, some really serious shit.

There is a deep desire for geography change as part of this new timeline of “What is it that you really want?” comes into full view. So many desires sitting at the docks of our harbor waiting for sailing. I can feel myself in new lands, taking in new vistas, and new people to serve in Love. A mobile, responsive healing brigade of Love lovers spreading the gospel (good news) of parts work, metasoul healing, and practical ascension. Love wanting to heal the shadow into more Love. I respond to this by dreaming, imagining, and feeling the resistances and doubts within.

This gift of dreaming is what carries you through each day. It can also be what burdens a part of you too. Like, “How in the hell can I make THAT happen when there is THIS in my way!”. Yeah, good question. Well, the way is feeling what part of you is actually saying that because it ain’t you. If you are seeing the dream, feeling the dream, you are already the dream. But is just doesn’t feel like it because you are still ‘here’. “How can I be there if I am still here?” Yup…good question.

I would ask you where ‘here’ is. What does it feel like emotionally? Not situationally or geographically. Then you would respond to this feeling as being held by a part of you. Most generally an Inner Protector or Gatekeeper. Gaining separation from it so you can have a relationship to it. It is your Relation Ship. The one that you then unanchor from the dock and start sailing the tides of your emotional body with You at the helm. It ebbs and flows but you make forward progress each time to the destination you are dreaming about. In reality, you are already there, it is just these parts of you that are catching up to you. Feeling it that way gives you an empowered process rather than feeling stuck in the mud with your wheels turning. Alchemical traction.

Feeling through all the things that keep you from manifesting your dreams, feeling an inner joy, or discovering your passion purpose is what moves you to the next serendipitous moment of ‘coincidence’ and draw. Thinning out the distance between your heart and your imagination. It is not about HOW you are going to make it happen in a 3D sense, it is about WHAT you want, or are going to make happen. The timing is not up to you, but the choice to feel and heal is. Taking that step to transform your inner world is portal that takes you where you already are…in your wildest dreams.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Becoming Your ButterFly Self

By Jelelle Awen

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You are outgrowing that previously necessary cocoon. That safety place to bake, to ache, to create. That place removed, sometimes isolated, sometimes feeling dark void space. No longer able to be in a lesser 3D ground where others may be more comfortable meeting you there, even as you are growing taller than their imaginations can imagine yet.
 
You have been surrendering to the process of BEing the transforming caterpillar until now. Tucked into the birthing space, sometimes gestating, sometimes thrashing, sometimes searching for a deeper and wider understanding. Sometimes missing your precious forms, shapes, and ways that were in the known. You are becoming more comfortable in the unknown and in the space where Infinite Possibilities pose no obvious limits.
 
You are BEing created as you are creating the life and timeline that you most want and desire. The timeline shimmers like a mirage in the distance, yet it comes ever closer with every choice of love. With every choice to love even fear, even darkness, even denser, even differences. The timeline of your highest purpose to serve love comes closer with every shift of heart from comparison to inspiration; from judging to compassion; from taking to sharing; from polarization to unification.
 
You are BEing created as your Butterfly Self….to eventually emerge, to burst out of any kind of safety or limits, to always be growing. You are BEing the metamorphosis into your arising Sacred Human in fleshy form. You are ready to be born. You are ready to spread your wings. Now, you are ready to FLY!

~

Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Sacred Feminine and Sacred Union Facilitator, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond.

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Emotional Body Portal To 5D Manifestation

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By Raphael Awen

You can work hard to manifest the future you want here in 3D like most people do, OR, you can ‘let-in’ the future your 5D/higher self has for you, or you can have some degree of both.

It’s important though not to see and feel the 3D kind of manifestation as lower or lesser. We all need and needed the time we did, and do, in normal everyday kind of 3D manifestation. After all, as a soul being, that’s what we came here for. We had too much of the 5D kind of manifestation actually. So we embraced the realm of duality, resistance and push-back as a sacred training ground to learn and feel ways of being and learning that we couldn’t experience any other way than we could but here in 3D, as a launching pad into other domains and dimensions, to discover what we actually always were, but didn’t know it.

As we complete some of these lessons, we naturally gravitate back towards the home we are and the home know from our higher self’s perspective.

For instance, we can spend decades embroiled in trying to get ahead financially, or socially, or maybe just really focused trying to be a better person in some way, shape or form. We all know what that looks like. But what would a 5D way of approaching manifestation look and feel like?

The 5D self doesn’t live inside of time or space constraints like our 3D self does. The 5D self can ‘time travel’ quite effortlessly to get a ‘read’ on what our 3D self calls the ‘future’ and ingest the vibe of that vibrational reality into our emotional body. Now, in 3D, your bank balance, let’s say, is still the same, but you can feel, so you know what this 5D bank balance and associated changes to your lifestyle will look and feel like in your future. You have the higher upstream reality in your ‘field.’ As you feel this, you are dialling this reality incubation ally into your feeling and thought patterns. You are experiencing, through what we call creative visualization, the feeling tones of this new and higher timeline. You are beginning to spend less time resistively in anxiety about the future, keeping your 3D generator running full speed and are instead allowing your 5D generator to come more and more to the foreground. As we are multidimensional, we have capacity to run as hybrids (3, 4, and 5D simultaneously) and all of us are doing this to varying degrees. Our 3D reality is a projection of our higher upstream reality of 5D.

As you let in this new feeling toned reality of relating to life, you go on to feel how all this talk of past, present and future are all just concepts to help keep your 3D self from flipping out. You already have your future, and your future is manifesting in and through your present. You can visit your past in the now and feel and heal the happenings there and then feel a relieved you in the present having changed the past! Wild stuff for sure, but I feel this to be what the new frontier of our awakening consciousness is offering us.

The coolest and biggest entry point I can offer you as a portal into this brave new world is through the emotional body. All this bigness I am describing and vibing to you is resonating because it’s already in you, it is you, spring loaded, yet tethered and anchored by the emotional wounding we all carry in our emotional bodies. Emotional body healing through getting to know and feel parts of ourselves naturally releases the charges and lowers the walls that keep our higher dimensional experiences at bay in our lives. This approach to our spirituality and emotionality turns the ascetic disciplinary ‘meditate all day’ approach on its head.

You don’t need to focus on attainments and enlightenments. You get to be deeply with what is, things that actually reconcile you to you, things that let your higher self essence flow more uninhibited into the sacred present domains of your present ‘can’t get any more sacred’ life. The changes you desire are all part of the setup. So are any deep resistive patterns, addictions, and dis – ease in your body…all of it awaiting your intention, discovery and choice.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Loving The Leading And Trailing Edges Of Our Being

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By Raphael Awen

What makes for the funnest fun in life is getting to know what’s on the leading edge of your being AND what’s on the trailing edge of your being, as well as the you that tends to ride the in between middle.

We all know a whole lot more about what’s in the muted muddied middle of our being: not quite sure what we want, boredom, escape, excitement? But when we venture from this not-so-comfortable comfort zone into the unexplored regions of our being where we don’t know what’s going on, and where the radar doesn’t inform us, we enter our true capacity for aliveness.

The leading edge of our being holds our latest discoveries as a soul being, being and doing human life as us. Our trailing edge of our being holds our deepest wounds from this and other lifetimes; our wounded reactivity to life; the stuff in the shadows that parts of ourselves would naturally try to hide from even our awareness.

It’s the tension between the two that makes for the juice in all of our relationships with all aspects of life. In people relationships, it is our leading and trailing edges combinations that make for our deepest co-dependencies as well as our greatest fulfillments. In our relationship with our calling, it is the inclusion and discovery of both the leading and trailing edge where that calling comes to life. It is not the overcoming of the trailing edge, but rather the embracement of it that provides for the unfolding journey of magic.

In our attempts to overcome or transcend our trailing edge of our being, we actually suppress a very necessary energy that wants to provide the necessary movements we seek and want. Parts of us want the middle. Other parts of our being want the edges. We, as an arising healthy parent to these orphaned parts of ourselves, are being invited to show up and negotiate a path in and through.

I know for instance that I feel a great calling to be an outstanding teacher. At 56 years of age, I daydream of being in demand and well rewarded to speak to large gatherings of people, speaking with a compelling charisma that transforms people and audiences to experience something they and we never experienced together before. In my leading edge of being, I can feel this reality as if it were here now. It lives in me and always has. In my trailing edge of being however, I feel a variety of resistances and hesitations about this desired timeline. If I am unable to embrace these outer regions of my leading edge/trailing edge being, I am left with a seriously muted alchemy. If I embrace one edge at the expense of the other, I am left with a weird creation that hurtles through time and space serving at best as a poor example.

What is your biggest dream? Would it embarrass a part of you to admit it? Is it okay with you to leave it de-energized in this muddied middle of your being away from the power of your leading and trailing edges of your being? What choice point is in front of you that feels like a doorway in? (there always is a doorway in if we’re willing to see it)

You’ve got a whole lot more inside of you than parts of you have been willing to admit!

When you own the leading and trailing edges of your being, you get really interesting to the universe, and you open yourself to the highest timeline possibilities for your life.

(Audio of this blog can be found here: https://youtu.be/y7nY5twy90E)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

I Want To Shake Men

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By Raphael Awen

I want to shake men.

I want to yell in their face ‘Why are you here!?’ and ‘What in the hell is it that you want!?’… even if I piss a few men off in the process.

I want to yet again shake and awaken myself.

I don’t want your or my settled niceness. I don’t want your or my spiritual adeptness at the cost of our passion. I don’t want your adaptation. I want to see and feel your rawness….because I so want to see and feel more of my own.

As a man, there is a way that you represent all men, and even ARE all men. When you settle, we all settle. When you choose not to feel, you set a far reaching agenda for all men.

There is a also a way that you are surrounded with every ounce of love and resource that exists…. And to significant degree, you are immune to all of it, because you are afraid.

You are afraid of your own truth. You are afraid of what you really want. You are afraid of your own passion. You are afraid of none other than yourself and the journey called your life.

It’s not necessarily true for all of you, but it is true for a part of you. And until you get in touch with this afraid part of you, you have not even entered your own kingdom, let alone made any claim over it. Until you enter your own sovereign kingdom in this way, you are on the edge of amounting to little more than a bad example, which in the universe’s economy is still considered a lot, but is it enough for you?

Everything in your power, but yet nothing in your realization…that is, to write home about, the home that you came from.

I’m surprised a bit at the edge in my words today. They are directed at myself as much as they are shared with others. I want to advocate for my truth, in my own kingdom, the land of my own sovereignty, and be matched by other kings of heart. This is finding a new agenda for manhood. This is finding out why and what our gender polarity is all about and our relationship to the opposite gender.

It begins with owning all that’s going on inside for you, as best you can feel it and describe it, and then to find the boy inside and relieve this boy who yet only knows hiding all he feels. There is very serious work to do. There is getting real with why you are here and what you really want. To not see the cost side of this ledger only means you are not here yet. If life as you currently know it is structured around disconnect and hiding, then any forward movement inward will have a one to one correlation with a necessary deconstructive movement outward, that you are going to have to begin self-lovingly negotiating, as soon as you are ready.

This is the heart passion that lives in painted moving swirls on the walls inside of my truth, and the fire colours that colour the underside of the clouds that float through my skies. This is my own parallel dimension where I must be while we as men sort out our next going on place together. BUT, if you don’t want your shit, I don’t want you. I can’t really want you until you want you. Not anymore.

I used to need men to validate my own subconscious need to hide. Then I got really curious to the point of being possessed about my own need to hide. I entered the domain of my own hiding and to this day, I still am. I’m reporting from my own cave, now transmuting into an infinite portal to so much more than I can’t even describe. Truth be told, if I hadn’t felt into my own fears heretofore, I simply wouldn’t have the balls to go any further in what is on the docket now.

But I really don’t want to do this and be this alone, because I don’t have to. I am called to lead and I feel more and more resolved around leading. The payoff for me in serving other men to awaken to their own true power is getting to be around other infinitely powerful men. Truth is, as I said, I’m going to need it and I’m going to need them if what I’m seeing in front of me concerning my own yet still to be inhabited power is real.

So my love of you is unconditional, but my want of you is very conditional. I’m asking for more of you because I’m looking for more of me. I can love you from a distance, and even weep a broken heart for you from a distance, but to enter sacred domain together, I need you and I to come together on mutually awakening terms, awakening and attuning to what it is that you really want.

Now, if you are ready for it, there is a bus leaving for the destination of more of what you really want. You may not like this bus, but you need to find one you do like, or drive your own, because all men, and even all species are waiting for you to choose the destination of your more.

No pressure, and all that! 🙂

I love you and I need you and I want you!

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com

We are currently offering a free intro session (to men and women) for those considering entering regular session space with us. If you are interested, let us know and we’ll send you some things we’ll ask you to read and a few questions to respond to, to further help you see if this is or isn’t what is calling you. More details on that are here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

We also have another group call around Sacred Union that Jelelle Awen and I will be leading this coming Saturday and these always are amazing to be a part of. We ask for a minimum donation of 11 USD over paypal, and then we send you the link to join in over Zoom Web Meetings. The details are here:https://www.facebook.com/events/254241058395276/ and we would so love to have you join us.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Post-Eclipse Transmission Of Transformation

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It is 3:33. Guided to start typing and transmitting. Just feel what is in the space. Newness. The fresh scent of air after rainfall. The sense that something is on the horizon. On the dock for delivery. Tuning into its Here-ness when it feels Over There. What is here? Abundance in all its forms. Material, spatial, relational, spiritual, sexual, romatical, geographical…all of the ALLs.

Connective bonds of heart and soul that gather in vibratory unison at the meeting points of sacred location and reverence. Transforming and transmuting the body as that mobile sacred location. No need to travel for you are already there. You are all ready It. The portal is in you. INside that healing heart. That plugged in, juiced UP, love engine that propels you into dimensions that were only ever imagined, become realized by the turn of the dial.

Oh….but it is not that easy.

Oh…but is that what we have convinced ourselves to believe? Since we don’t have it, don’t see it, don’t feel it then it doesn’t exist. Shut down the wanter, the feeler, the giver and the dreamer. Keeps us safe, contained, comfortable, and in stasis.  What happened to alive? To riding the edge of the known along the chasm of the free fall surrender into Holy Shit? We forgot about that quasar pulse of excitement that rushes into your being when left replaces right, and up replaces down.  Poking the bear of our deepest fear to find our deepest love right underneath it.  

Who will recognize you on the other side? Do you want to be identifiable or unpredictable? The answer is a pinball of back and forth among the inner walls of your being.  What will this New Earth-New You-Not You bring to the table of this no holds buffet bar of powerfully creative love livers? The ones that can’t stop inviting the dark into the light.  The ones building bridges of inner guidance systems that direct them to the gates of the stellar bliss banquet of conscious unity. Inviting and integrating the multidimensional layers of expression into the cells of this uniquely human temple.

What a world we have chosen to create and hide from ourselves in this strangely pre-planned game of forget and remember?  Peek-a-boo moments and starry-eyed gleans. We have the power of choice to locate ourselves again. To clear the forest of the brambles of our deepest wounds that lead the way to our most treasured tunes.  The dusty scrolls of our soul’s ancient wonderings. Take the road less traveled on your way back to the heart of your heart.  The one that is not defined or maintained.  It can be uncomfortable and bumpy, but the most life lived is in the one lived IN and not through.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Let In Your Wonder, Find Your Creativity

by Kalayna Colibri

 

creativity

Wonder… that feeling place from an essence within us that we can’t uncover until parts of us feel that our life is worth ‘wondering’ about. It IS a place where creativity flows from, the creation of new life chapters, artistic works, and growth phases for ourselves. It is the ISpiration we’ve been waiting for, even while parts of us have told themselves they can’t have it and that it’s impossible to feel this way about life. This is the flow that draws us to another, draws us to nature, draws us back inward to ourselves with deep love and curiosity.

Wonder doesn’t ‘know’ much. It doesn’t even pretend to. It feels and asks questions and sometimes is only in the moment with complete, speechless awe. It is both a full canvass of experience and an empty canvass too. It is a way to project what we want to see and also to see what we could never have expected.

Maybe today is a day to rediscover your wonder, your creativity, your zest for creating and establishing something NEW in your life that is more in line with what you most deeply want, even if it seems there are infinite steps to get there – what if the true journey of getting ‘there’ really lies in fully being ‘here’ first?

I wrote the following words recently, to help express my own creative flow I was feeling and where it seemed to be coming from. It does feel like we all have access to a flow this strong more and more, as we come more into ourselves, our hearts and our souls as Ascension keeps calling us all forth to be IN this flow more. It’s a desirable and empowered place and my heart wants everyone to start feeling it for themselves too!

~

This stream of creation breaks into a run with timings unforeseen and a flow un-ebbed.

There is no prediction for the next piece. It only mounts itself upon the canvass of true love, waiting for the painter to employ its spark of something-ness…

It’s not a time for restless non-creation, but restful creative action and inaction both. A time for baking and making ideas into one creative form or another, though these forms are not pre-formed, only discovered as we go, flow, move onward.

It is an itch that pauses for a moment of brief regard and then beckons you in and onward for more experience of it, sometimes when it hasn’t even been noted as something worked hard for.

A force unforced, it weaves itself in with us and our lives, asking us for more response, more discovery, more wonder, so we can keep creating from this flow a new us, new relationships, a new way to be in and with life that parts of us have never imagined before…

And then…

Only more love and passion can come and live within us and only more wonder and creativity can come with and from the same. ❤

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Life As Our Personal Creation

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By Raphael Awen

Your life as you know it today, and even as you don’t know it, has been imagined into being.

Nothing comes into being that hasn’t first been seen and imagined by a consciousness that holds the desire and intention for the created thing.

It feels strange to our normal waking consciousness to see this as true when we feel our lives and our circumstances to be a mixture of fate, good or bad luck, missed opportunities, and ‘if only’s’, etc.

But when we take into account our very real subconscious reality, that parts of us, exist outside of our normal waking consciousness; everything changes! Here we come to see and know that aspects of our very selves, not god, not fate, not circumstance, are what has created our life as we know it. Here we come to discover that parts of ourselves had very good and understandable reasons for creating the dimensions of our lives that we, as a conscious self, didn’t like at all.

AND, on top of all this wild ride, is your life as you DON’T yet know it, that already exists in your soul template, in no-time reality, that wants and waits to manifest here in the time dimension more and more as it is allowed into being.

This dimension is also off of most people’s conscious reality and radar, and THIS forgetting, is also by design and creation of the powerful subconscious aspects of their being that prefer to hold the soul consciousness aspect of being for them. As above, so below.

In other words, all of us have one great big coping mechanism for being such big souls expressing in human form. These coping mechanisms, held by aspects of ourselves, can be negotiated with and even come to be known and loved in a magical process of curious self discovery as you expand out more and more into deeper and fuller aspects of the infinite love that you are.

This so raises the quest and questions that are aching to come onto our daily radar more and more.

The very intimate circumstances of your life, relationships, limitations, resources, are ALL aspects of your own creation…awaiting recreation into the domain of loving conscious imagination that is willing to feel all there is to feel.

If these words resonate for you, know then that they contain YOUR truth, and your truth and my truth are finding resonance together. How cool! You are onto your own soul path taking you to new places no matter how stuck you may feel in a present life-as-you-know-it-reality.

Simply admitting your own truth to yourself is that powerful of a transformational reality bridging separate universes of reality into new timelines.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

We Are Living Art

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Image by Garbriel Heartman

Yesterday I began painting for the first time in a couple of months.  Since I was a young boy, visual art in the form of drawing, coloring, and painting has always been a source of pleasure and expression for me.  It has also been a source of suffering by way of inner criticism and perfectionism.  So much desire to create beauty for the eyes and heart to take in and be moved by.  I feel a soul passion when I start to create and a plethora of reaction that offer me doorways into my wounding.  So it feels like a romance in a way with a ton of grist and possibility.

When I am in the “zone”, time disappears.  I am in flow and it feels like my essence is coming out to play.  After being in that space, I could feel a reaction to being “outside” of it.  Like that feeling went away and I couldn’t get it back.  I lost the mojo and the only way to get it back was to start painting again.  I can feel that like a drug reaction.  I began to feel how a part of me was relating to the experience and not the “whole” me.  The Gabriel that relates to the act of painting as a part of a larger “painting” that is being created by my Higher Self in all moments of each “day”.

We are Creators.  We are Artists of exquisite talent and power…regardless of what we consider to be artistic.  Right now I am creating.  My words are manifesting a vibration of energy that is being sent out into the cosmic canvass.  They may land in someone or not. They my have impact or disinterest.  But either way I am creating something in this moment.  I am feeling myself as I type and that is altering my experience of who I am.  I am feeling a different relationship to my world in the moment.  Something will reflect back to me my energy and I will get to feel that and be changed again.

There are times when a brush stroke will land away from an intended space and the order of what a part of me was expecting just became disorder.  It just got messy and something comes up for me to feel.  I can see it as a mistake or as something to learn from and see it is meant to stay a part of the creation.  Maybe I am offered a new vision, and new pathway to create something totally different and unexpected.  Something I just couldn’t see or feel beforehand.  My consciousness just shifted and I grew from it.

In this awareness, I feel I have a choice.  A choice to be in my reaction and let it take me where I need to go even if it is messy, or I can hold and feel what part of me is energizing this emotion and see what it is want to message to me.  Neither which is wrong.  Both are creating and informing.  There are no mistakes in art as there are none in growth.

So let that brush go! Let it follow your intuitive heart.  Make lines and splashes.  Realize that you are the one that is in your full power of choice.  If your tapestry feels like it is in disarray, there is a part of you that is creating that to get your attention.  It is responding to the chaos within.  If you are wanting more, see that more and feel your way through the perceptions that can’t let in that more.  To be great creators means we take on great responsibility for what we create.  It is time for us to paint a new picture of what we feel is possible and turn it into probable and let it become likely until it is definitely.

Create a bigger and grander picture for yourself that goes beyond what parts of you have been conditioned to believe and expect.  This is done through being with and feeling the parts of you that have been capped due to many personal experiences and collective memes.  We are powerful individually, but exponentially so collectively.  Let us consciously create a new world together full of magic and color!

If you are curious to be a part of a creative healing community that is committed to letting in all that we can infinitely be,  please join us on our next group call this Saturday at 11:11 CST.  You can go to http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/groupcalls for more information.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.