A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.

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A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

The Immense Totality Of Love

Love is all around even when it just doesn’t feel like it is. Especially, when it doesn’t feel like it is. Love is found in so many places that we often normalize its existence. In fact, our suffering, grief, and despair are all evidence of this all-invasive Love that cannot be denied for it is, and in, All Things. Our temporal and illusory separation from it is what creates that response.

We will even go so far as to park in our intelligence, our shadow, or the comfort of safety to not feel the depth of our pain of this separation. Love is a patient and yet persistent reminder of our divine and storied human experience. It holds all the wins and the losses. It holds the holy and the unholy.

Everything you are experiencing is part of your ongoing remembrance that you are always held in and by Love. Even the shit and the shame. In the aggression and the repression. In the tragic and the romantic. Love knows you better than you know yourself and if you can lean into its super intelligence and its eternal and infinite care you find that it has always been there. Parts of you have just chosen not to listen or felt that they have not deserved or earned its affection and attention.

Love does not care-take you but It does care FOR you. It cares when you are not safe, not seen, and not felt. It cares when you have lost hope and when you have found bliss. It cares when you have hurt and been hurt. Love will appear to kick your ass when you are down, but that is partly how you receive it and partly a loving shove in its direction without training wheels. How you choose to relate to it is completely up to you. Love does not create victims, it creates heroes and gives inspiration and hope to the victims.

So regardless of your ‘relationship status’, know that you ARE Love, that you ARE loved, and that you can only ever choose to be out of Love’s embrace. It is up to each of us to find where Love does not live within us and shine its glorious light and warmth upon it until we begin to burn brighter with its power and its presence for the whole world to see and feel.

Let Love win when you are ready.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

A Love Story: Part Four (Enter At Your Own Risk)

By Raianna Shai

I finally made it to part four of my love story series! This is a full on post instead of a poem, so I’ll keep this preface short and sweet.

I had a moment last year while trying to rediscover myself and my purpose when I realized that the part of me that I’ve judged and kept protected is actually one of my greatest gifts. I’ve been so held back by fear of my own emotions and what other people may think of me that it’s been so hard to let myself just be honest and real.

Even when I would share my feelings in a relationship, I would try to soften it to not make it sound “too much” or “too unfair”. But I’m finally reaching the point of realizing that risking judgement and blowing up a relationship is worth it when your truth could actually bring you and the other person into something new and meaningful. Yes, truth can hurt and harm others – but so can holding it back. At least the former allows you both the opportunity to show up and grow into new ground.

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A Love Story: Part Four
Enter At Your Own Risk

So much of our lives are spent worrying and fearing what might happen. We close ourselves off knowing we could potentially be hurt if we don’t. We don’t tell people how we feel, we don’t open up our hearts to one another, we don’t commit to something that means a lot to us, we sabotage ourselves in the name of safety, comfort and preservation.

But when I think of all those beautiful moments in life that we’re constantly searching for – have we ever gotten there without risk? Have you ever fallen in love without being vulnerable? Or felt a deep sense of connection with someone without the risk of being rejected or judged? Has there ever been a moment of true and real emotion that hasn’t come with an underlying fear of abandonment?

We try so hard to avoid the mess – the heartbreak, the judgement from others, criticism – but with that, we avoid the bliss.

Something I’ve realized about myself over the last few months is that I am incredibly sensitive and emotional and for maybe the first moment in my life I 100% love that part of me. I’ve spent so long worrying that I would be seen as too much, as pushing people in my life to be someone they’re not in order to match me, as being overly sensitive and insecure. Insecurity can come with sensitivity but so can strength.

When I let myself be me, I have the strength to sit with someone and pour my heart out to them. I have the strength to feel my feelings on full blast without having a wall up to protect myself from others. I have the strength to love with such depth that I genuinely worry I’ll get lost in it.

And sometimes I do. Sometimes I forget how beautiful my heart is and how much it deserves to be loved back just as powerfully. I just want to be seen and felt in all my glory.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Three (In The Midst Of Love)

By Raianna Shai

The following writing is one very close to my heart. These are actually lyrics to a song I wrote in that phase of a relationship when it’s been long enough that you know each other inside and out. Your friendship is formed and the romance is alive. I’m not exactly a lyrical genius but it came from my heart and I don’t often write songs!

A relationship based on mutual growth and healing requires a sharing of the innermost tender and vulnerable parts of you. You begin to understand when and why walls come up or what triggers stress and anxiety in them. You notice the little things that you love about them and what makes their heart truly glow. The bond deepens from physical infatuation to deep and growing trust and respect.

This is the time when comfort begins to sink in. You no longer have to work hard to try and win them over, you don’t feel so self conscious about yourself or your habits, you feel a sense of calm and hope that your feelings for them can last. This is the phase that we long for! The fire still burns yet you feel at home within the bond.

We work hard inside and out to get to this place but ultimately, getting here is the easy part. The next part is trickier. Retaining your mutual growth, passion, respect and love for each other is the truly difficult part. Choosing everyday to understand yourself so that you can continue to be vulnerable, honest and real together. I’ll talk more about this on my next post 💞

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A Love Story: Part Three
In The Midst Of Love

You make me and my
Whole heart smile when you
Look at me that way

You make me wanna be a
Better person, each and
Every single day

I know that It’s not
Easy being here
But I’m glad that you are

I wanna make you
Happy dear because you
Shine just like the stars

~ Chorus ~
I’ll hold your inner child’s hand
As we run under the moon
I’ll soothe your guard’s worried looks
And soon he’ll make me swoon

Your punisher is next
And him I’ll love the most
Your feminine will help me show
How our hearts can be so close

~~~

The moment you feel
Lost and lonely know that
You are not alone

Even when the
Earth starts shakin look
Inside to find you’ve grown

I know that it’s not
Easy being here
But it’s worth a try

I wanna make me
Happy dear because our
Love can reach the sky

~ Chorus ~

And when we start to touch the soul
Our bond will deepen evermore
My dream is to get close to you
Be intimate and break right through

~ Chorus ~

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Love Is The Cause And The Cure

Love is a multi-faceted experience. We all have our own relationship to it. It can be felt as security, comfort, acceptance, pleasure, joy, and Oneness as well as pain, despair, anxiety, and separation. It plucks different strings of our emotional and spiritual bodies. 

What is happening in the world today can be seen as a reflection and a mirror to how we relate to Love Itself. It is an opportunity to see and feel ourselves in ways we wouldn’t or couldn’t have before things went ‘sideways’. Maybe things are righting themselves up like a snow globe and it just feels like shit is raining down on us. 

All of that shit can be turned to gold if we take the time to feel everything there is to feel in our relationship to it all. Love is all around us and that is hard to let in when we have parts of us that have a real and justified defense against it. 

I have worked so much inside of myself to let in all the Love that comes in from the Divine as well as my beloved Kasha and my soul family, yet I can still feel where there are blocks and obstacles letting even MORE in because it is in infinite supply.

Each day we are being initiated into the opportunity to receive and let in more and more Love. This is an ongoing and sacred process. It is a courageous hero’s and heroine’s journey. It is fraught with challenges and difficult feelings and choice points, each one leading us to deeper and deeper layers of surrender, forgiveness, and compassion, as well as action, passion, and purpose. 

We are being given a golden opportunity to see how much we feel we are really worth and how much we really believe in the power of Love to take us where we all know we can go both individually and collectively.

Love is the cause and the cure. It is the protagonist and the antagonist. The question and the answer. It is everything that you came here to experience about ourselves and still find our way back to wholeness. The path is laid before you by opening the heart and feeling it all.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Mining For Love Coin

“Those who have the gold, make the rules.” I heard this a lot growing up. It was just one of those hard realities that I was told I had to accept (according to my early influencers) in order to have the life I wanted. The question was, whose life was it that I was wanting?

Later, I realized I wanted the Philosopher’s Gold. That prized possession of sacred understanding that could lead me out of the doldrums of my inner struggle for outer need. If I could find that ‘answer’, then that would be worth more than all of the physical gold in the world.

Yet, the quest for that Holy Grail of Knowing was like a dog chasing its tail. Then, there was just Feeling. Going to the heart of the matter, not the mind over matter. It was in this place that I came upon a world full of hidden treasure that had currency. It had a stored wealth that led to more health. More power of Presence and of choice. I got to choose my reality by simply feeling my reality in all its shades and hues.

In all that is currently happening, the most valuable and sustainable wealth is not gold, bitcoin, information, or righteousness. It is the brave, real, and healing heart. It is the way we see and feel ourselves outside the deluge of dissonance. It is about connecting to the Lover’s Gold. The raw material of our humanity and our spirituality.

While the physical, material economy is being shaken up like an Etch-A-Sketch, our emotional economy is searching for a stable place to invest its reality into that which is not dependent on external forces, but rather inner guidance and Divine holding. It seeks a Sacred Trust Fund to deposit all its fears, its doubts, its rage, and its power.

This is what many of us are being guided to focus on. Mining for Lovecoin. That self-generated and soul-seeded gift embedded at the core of our birthright. We are born with the power to create, to destroy, and to Be this very brave and powerful kind of Love. What we see and feel in front of us is what leads us to that very gateway of vulnerable transformation, conscious responsibility, and a transparent exchange of our gifts with the world.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Time To Enter La-La Land

You may have heard “Love has won!”. This may be a visceral, mystical experience, or something parts of us are wanting to believe even if the ‘evidence’ proves otherwise. If we can feel and trust this as a universal Truth, then what is occurring in our personal worlds and The World at large is a grand play-out of Love trying its damndest to reach each and every one of us. 

The question is, could we let in Love even if it was right in front of us? How do we define what Love is? Love may come in the form of a challenge and it could feel like a bully. It may come in as surrender and we are too fused to our control and fear to not see it as acquiescing or dominance. It may come in as silence and feel as if we are not being heard. 

Love wants us to reason and to feel. It wants us to come closer to it and become intimate with it. It is not looking to just solve, but to be willing to feel what the ‘problem’ is. If Love has won, then it too is the solution. But again, what is Love? 

Is it responding to guilt? Is it blissful ignorance? Is it radical honesty? Is it wide knowledge? Is it being a warrior or a hero? Is it giving without receiving? Is it receiving without giving? The questions can go on ad infinitum. My point is that there are so many ways in which we, and parts of us, relate to what Love is. 

In the heaviest of situations, even suffering or pain can be interpreted as Love. There is a giant game of “What is Love?” going on in the world today. It has been that way from time immemorial. I guess the question really is, “What would you like Love to Be?”. 

Do you really want to poked and prodded? Do you really want to fight all the time? Do you really want to be afraid? Do you really want to just survive? What is it that you truly want to be a part of that may seem like La-La Land to a more judging, doubtful part of you? 

I encourage myself and my parts to feel that world that seems impossible or improbable. Even when in the heaviest of places, for it is that world that is more real to me, not just the most hopeful or desired. It is that world where Love wants me and all of us to imagine, create, embody, and heal toward. It lives on the other side of the portal of our fear, our pain, and our doubt. Without it, what kind of world do we end up with?

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Surrendering To Our Sovereign Relationship To Love

The words ‘sovereignty‘ and ‘surrender‘ can be quite the portals for the masculine in us all. They are especially highlighted in relationships of all kinds. In the ongoing journey of healing my intimacy wounds, I have come to these gateways many times. Who is this ‘me’ in the we of intimate relationship? How do I maintain my own truth, needs, and desires without feeling like I am acquiescing or submitting to someone else’s truth, needs, and desires?

Before I left California 8 years ago, I lived a life that would be defined as ‘sovereign’. I was not in many relationships after my divorce, and when I was, sovereignty was a big trigger as well as commitment. Inside there was a part of me that wanted his cake and eat it too. That old wounded masculine conditioned standard. Intimacy was more about sex and having a good time rather than getting to the bare bones of my heart-truth and my deeper needs as human man.

Then I found myself in a sacred, conscious romance as well as sacred, conscious community. Those flared up that ‘sovereignty gene’ I want to call it. That switch that says, “Oh, woah! Wait! Time-out. What is going on here? I am I giving away something that I cherish for the sake of something that I am not familiar with?”. The question was, what was it that a part of me cherished and what was it not familiar with?

At the core, I found that a part of me cherished non-vulnerability and wasn’t familiar with vulnerability. Even deeper, I realized it was an existential fear of Love that was at the root of it all. When I felt the ‘me’ that was independent, sovereign, and non-vulnerable, I found a man that was lost, unhappy, and alone. Only he wasn’t able to admit that at the time. With anyone.

As men (or the masculine in women), we can so very much defend our sovereignty at the cost of real Love. That somehow Love and Sovereignty are separate and adversarial. I feel our relationship to our mothers as a pivotal piece to this equation. They represent that from which we were born from. We received love in one form or another and then we needed to break away from that to find our individuation. Our authentic manhood that needed to push away, but more healthfully could have been initiated into it by a more conscious mother and father energy.

If we did not have that, and I would say most if not all of us did, then we are continually in this push-pull relationship to Other. To Love. To Intimacy. Surrender becomes more ‘submission’ than an opening into vulnerability which is all done with our sovereignty intact. We actually can never lose our sovereignty. We are born free, yet have been convinced we are in chains. When you see those chains are really about our fear of Love and our deep separation wound, you start to unhook those chains one by one.

This is a deep soul choice to heal this wound. It is not an easy one. It brings up a lot to witness and feel. A lot to be sober about in our shadow. Yet, it also brings in a new sense of freedom. A freedom to Be. To express. To surrender into without losing ourselves, but rather re-membering ourselves. It offers Love beyond what we had been conditioned and wounded into believing is love. This is the sovereign journey back into true surrender and true power. The power of conscious Love.



Raphael Awen and I will be hosting a men’s group call this Saturday at 5pm BST via Zoom. We will be talking about these topics as well as offering a guided meditation and sharing space. You can go to soulfullheart.org/mensgroupcalls for more information.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

One Year Later: Freeing Yourself From The Psychodemic

One year ago we all found ourselves walking through the threshold of a New World Order. An Order rooted in fear, facts, and fallacy. It was our global 9/11 moment and it has forever changed the way we experience the world we live in and those we relate to. We have become Alice in Wonderland wondering when the hell things will ‘get back to normal’.

I don’t believe there can ever be a going back. The collective psyche has been altered. Forget about your DNA, which is still being worked on depending who is doing the ‘working’, but the soul of our humanity is being altered. This has not all been for naught, however. There has been a lot that has become clear for many as this whole grand experiment/experience has awakened a population to what is real and what is not for each of us.

Science Fiction is coming alive before our very eyes. It clearly was never ‘fiction’ but a precursor to what was to come. It has become more of Science Friction. The use of science, ‘facts’, and fear as a weapon against ourselves and each other. We have been in a pinball game or roller coaster of emotion for some time now and it is becoming normalized. Life has become a dystopian novel trying to find its way into our consciousness. The question is will we let it?

As much as we may have a compulsion to go ‘out there’ to and solve the global psychodemic, it feels even more imperative to go inward. Like Neo running into Agent Smith at the end of the Matrix movie, we are being called to find the matrix tyrant within us. Who is this shady creature from the Black Lagoon of our Shadow and Control Center. The Wizard of our Oz. As so many wise and ascended masters have told us, as above, so below. What is outside, is inside.

This ‘creature’ is not a boogyperson. It is a engrained, conditioned, and legacy aspect of us from a bygone era. It is our connection to the System that we were born and raised in. It is being fed a consistent diet of bullshit that it has learned to accept as real food. Just like Neo was hooked up to the multitude of tubes when he woke up in that egg-like container. To meet this aspect of you is to meet yourself, but in this poorly-written and poorly-directed Epic of Gilgamesh we are calling ‘reality’.

I invite you to find and meet this aspect of you. It needs your sacred heart. Your soul spark. Your Divine Self to come and save it. YOU don’t need saving! This part of you does. There is NOTHING out there can can do the saving, the living, the liberating. It’s all you, my friend. This aspect of you has been judged, out of fear and control, to be a dark entity. Not so. The tag was put on it so you wouldn’t find him/her/it so that you could actually free yourself from the spiderweb that has been crafted for eons.

This aspect may not be found easily, or may even resist out of fear. The timing will present itself if you can consistently go into your heart and connect with Love. It is Love that lights the tunnels and caves of this Dark World. It is Love that holds the keys to the locked doors. It is Love that can hold the space for the fear, the hate, the unworth. It is Love that exists within you that is your saviour. It is your shamanic medicine against tyranny, injustice, and control.

I will work on a guided meditation to meet this aspect of you caught in the grids, the web, the inner caves of the matrix. This is where true freedom lives. The crossroad of the heart and soul, using the mind to create what wants to be made real or real-ized. You don’t need a degree to get there. Just a desire for a New World Order within rooted in Love and not Fear.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and space-holder.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Big, Bold, Brave Choice To Be Fully Alive In These Times

By Deya Shekinah

The SoulFullHeart process is a wild, epic ride that is constantly blowing my mind and my heart wide open. It is intense, deep, rich and profound and I love it so much. My life is more magical when I am accessing and feeling my parts and creating deeply nourishing relationships inside of myself with them. Life becomes more alive and real in a way I cannot describe as it truly needs to be experienced for yourself. It is such an individual process because it is led by parts of YOU, there is no one outside telling you what is right or how to do it, just support to keep going in and finding your own way through any challenges, tensions or resistances to love that arise. 

It is a process that is helping me to become more human and that is what I love. It is not a spiritual practise but it is deeply spiritual. It is bridging the gap for me on what being a human and being spiritual mean. This process helps me feel and know from inside that those two aspects of who we are, are NOT separate. As I feel what is deeply human inside of me and those parts of me feel seen, met, heard and loved, then the Divine aspects of me are remembered and revealed so naturally and organically.

Our human hearts and emotions are the keys to the doorway home to the Divine essence of who we truly are. The richness in feeling this from inside and through your own experience with your parts is for me the most exquisite feeling ever. It is changing everything in my life and creating a foundation of self love and self trust in a way I have not experienced anywhere else.

This is my experience of course, not everyone will resonate with parts work and that is the beauty of all being so different and unique. This process honors and welcomes our uniqueness though, seeing the gifts that your parts and the ways they experience and feel life as adding to it, rather than taking away, or trying to make us tick boxes that make us spiritual enough to fit in or advance to the next level. There are no rules and the possibilities are endless, how liberating. 

You are endless, your parts are endless and the love that starts to arise within you as you feel parts of you is endless too. It is something to let in, feeling how big, how beautiful and how divine we truly are and have always been, and that being here in a human body is a gift we chose, not a hindrance to our spirituality but rather the doorway into deeper knowing and understanding of it.   

It is a big, bold and brave choice to choose a path of being fully alive and embodied in these times when there is so much to feel and respond to in the world. For me there is no other way through though than IN and I would not want to be going IN in any other way than with my parts, in this way of life and with the support of this beloved community.

Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant & Community Member. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.