Letting Go Of Cultural Assumptions : Mission To Me Journal With Wayne and Yeshua


By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Whoa, Yeshua. Can’t guess where to begin just now. So much changing…Are you up for dialogue?

Yeshua – You know me, I miss interaction of heart and feeling. Nothing satisfies like it.

W – I know. I’ve always hungered for that my whole life it seems. What is it that makes way for that and what is it that shuts that down between people?

Y – It has so much to do with your assumptions about life, how you deeply and especially subconsciously feel about your life, your relationships to everything, the planet, others, divinity.

W – Somehow, though knowing you, I don’t think you have a ‘change your belief system’ prescription answer to this though.

Y – That has been a popular prescription, but it is now being realized that this is such an outside-in approach, trying to deal with the unwanted symptoms of the much deeper held felt reality of someone’s life. When something is truly addressed and moved on this deep heart level, there isn’t any need for belief system adjustments to tidy up the mess.

W – This whole realm feels so alive for me personally right now as we’ve just left Canada permanently, embraced Mexico, and are being introduced to a brand new, to us at least, culture. Then, on top of that, preparing to live even more remotely and deeply off the grids of western civilization at the ranch.

Y – That will wake you up for sure.

W – It so does. It wakes up a lot of stuff. Desire, passion, joy, for sure, but that’s not all. I’ve also felt some pretty deep fear places that I didn’t know were still there to the level they were.

Y – Which brings us to one of humanity’s biggest and longest surviving assumptions about life itself……

W – Here comes the heart and soul interaction, please go on, seatbelt’s fastened.

Y – One the single largest and lasting false assumptions about life is that fear is an enemy. Fear is not an enemy, but a very natural part of life. People don’t go crazy because of their fears, but because of their resistance to feeling their fears. Being human is being in fluent contact with whatever fears come up. Most people structure everything about their lives to spare them this sovereign responsibility. Keeping life the same as much as possible, (which is such a rinky-dink achievement at best; because life itself will always undermine the best of these change-less fortresses) is an attempt literally against your true human and divine nature.

W – I know I could use some more kindergarten around this one because I surprised myself lately with what fears are still lurking, and don’t feel very far away from me even right now.

Y – That’s nice and humble of you to make the beginner kindergarten reference, but really that’s another thing rooted in the fear picture.

W – I was feeling that as I said it.

Y – Well, what was the fearful part of you trying to cover over?

W – Fearing not being seen as relevant and relatable.

Y – Being real is the very definition of being relatable. Hiding a fear is the very essence of withdrawing yourself from the human experience. Can you tell me the texture of this fear of not being relatable?

W – The texture is something like being estranged or excluded from a source of love, which then manifests in a shrinking-to-fit the people I’m relating to.

Y – Being more than or less than you truly are, are both equally an expression of an unfelt fear. And this unfelt fear that is disowned and unacknowledged in this way, goes on to remove the heart and soul from your sacred grounding in your real sacred human experience and sovereign territory.

W – Which gets us back to the assumptions you were talking about.

Y – How so…teacher?

W – When I’ve subscribed to the lie that a successful or meaningful or powerful life is about having less fear or anxiety, I structure everything in my life, my relationships, my spiritual, emotional, and physical health right down to the very cells in my body in an attempt to live inside of this assumption about life…..which given enough time, only eventually proves the falseness and uselessness of the assumption.

Y – Which ties into what?

W – Which ties into that one of our deepest soul fears is being in life without a clutching grasp on what reality is, what really matters…why I’m here and all of that…along with what really is ‘here’ for that matter. Honestly, I don’t know. Admitting that I don’t know enters me into true learning which isn’t about decoding the universe, but rather being caught up continuously in its unfolding wonder. Observer vs. knower and all of that good stuff.

Y – And what about all of the God shit religious people peddle……what’s that about?

W – When I feel into the god shit I peddled to myself and others, It’s really about our collective need to feel secure in having others living like we are, which is the very essence of culture, and cults for that matter.

Y – Which brings you back to what?

W – Well, if hiding from fear is a common to man assumption, albeit a hindering one, in this phase of our consciousness, it brings me back to a shared common denominator that I share with all men. None of us are excluded. We are all learning a similar lesson.

Y – But…what?

W – But, even in this common denominator, we are not the same. Each of us is at different places in this journey.

Y – Where are you at in this journey…I mean as near as you can tell?

W – Well, I’ve been doing a lot of letting go of my acquired cults and culture for a long time now it seems, courageously moving on from one life cycle to the next when it no longer felt like me. I just let go of another few big ones, with leaving my country, oh, and my livelihood career security blanket of the past 30 years.

Y – I’d say that’s a whole lot different than where the majority of humanity is at.

W – Yes, that is.

Y – Well then, fuck that kindergarten shit, man!

W – Thank you.

Y – Good answer! 🙂 Thank you!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external process moving to Mexico to be in an eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Consciousness Awakening : Mission To Me Journal With Wayne and Yeshua


By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Good Morning Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning Wayne.

W – My last day in this resort, getting ready for the next phase.

Y – Yeah, and what are you feeling?

W – Well, it was a lot to take a bus ride yesterday to another resort town and be in amongst what feels to me, at least, like the masses. What is about all that that feels so taxing is what I’d like to feel into together today.

Y – People when they congregate in anything, be it a bus, or a city, or a village, they are tying into cultural expectations and adaptations about how to be in the presence of others. What drives this is genuine human need. The result however is a long ways away from anything resembling genuine.

W – Now I know why I like talking with you. You know how to get right to something.

Y – And that’s a good as example as anything. We, you and I are bringing are needs into the circle of our togetherness, feeling what we want and need. We call that expressing. The point of our connecting is not to hide our true wants, but rather to feel and express them and negotiate together for the meeting of those needs.

W – That feels like a world away from what I felt yesterday, or what I saw at the breakfast buffet this morning.

Y – It is literally an entire world away. A world is the sum of what any given culture has come up with as a way of being. Many different worlds within the world and all that, for sure. But even the words ‘the world’ have a huge cultural assumption in them, that is that the world as one knows it is in fact the depth of reality, and that is without a doubt, the height of hubris and stupidity.

W – Some of us are just plain stupid?

Y – Well, being stupid in the original sense of the word means to be amazed or stunned. Most are so amazed and stunned that they inhabit a human body and express as a human being, that they are fused to that stunned state. They can’t see beyond it or around it to feel their unique state.

W – Which leaves them little ground to feel self worth.

Y – Exactly. Their own uniqueness and wonder is lost on them. A deep sense of meaningless and existential depression is their lot. W – Which to me, and I hesitate here, because a part of me feels it to be too judgmental, but I might as well say what I’m thinking,… is that their state isn’t much different than being an animal, and much of the time, what we consider a lesser animal at that.

Y – I feel that’s accurate Wayne.

W – Is that Okay? I mean, should it be our mission to raise their consciousness to the level of their actual being, out of the state that their consciousness has fallen into?

Y – Careful on that one. I’d say that the best approach is to see yourself as a cooperator with someone who is sovereignly coming into a deeper consciousness, not as a creator of that state. You can’t awaken anyone who’s choosing to remain where they are. You’re being who you are is plenty of light and invitation to any soul who is ready for your help.

W – That takes the stress out of that one.

Y – Totally. And feel too how when you are unhealthily pressing on someone to wake up, a part of you is actually struggling with it’s own awakening.

W – I think I see that.

Y – What do you see about it?

W – Well, it’s a painful process to leave the familiar, and the deepest level of familiar is not our language, food and surroundings, but our level of consciousness. Waking up on that level is where the existential pain and fear of not finding meaning or connection comes in. Sailing for another shore involves leaving one behind. So when I’m frustrated with someone who is unwilling to awaken, I need to check in to feel if a part of me is resisting my own movement.

Y – Thank you. Yes. And doesn’t this elevate the whole feeling of what it means to be a human. I’m talking about the grace and space to feel yourself. This is more than self-awareness. This self-awareness though is only the beginning on the path to self love. In between and all along the way comes deeper discoveries of meaning and worth. That’s the theory of it, not to be mistaken for the reality of it.

W – And the reality of it feels like is a life long journey. I’m never actually in possession of ‘it’ somehow.

Y – True, in the flow of it, the expansion of it, often the struggle of it, but such a worthwhile way to be human.

W – Because…

Y – Because there’s no greater container for the entire human experience than to be journeying to discover deeper and deeper experiences and the feeling of your own worth and value, which of course is tied to the worth and value of all of your fellow humans. And what else, …my god, your energy around this awakens me man…what else is that, that alive energy in you of feeling who and what you are is what triggers that around you in others without you having to get into efforting that. It’s an effortless achievement when you trigger an awakening in someone by your being. You’re just being you. This is the deepest level of gift expression.

W – And really the funnest fun, because I get to see more of my emerging self.

Y – Totally Man.

W – My butt’s getting sore Yeshua. I’d like to go feel this by the poolside some more.

Y – I’m not boring you am I?

W – My god, anything but!

Y – Good.

W – I see your sensitive too?

Y – Well of course I am. I’m not a know it all. I’m a feel it all. Being willing to feel it all is being willing to be vulnerable, and that includes being vulnerable to having love with others.

W – I love you.

Y – I love you too.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external process to exodus to Mexico with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to be in eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The Collapse Of The Constructs Of Not Feeling: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

By Wayne Vriend

Wayne – Hey Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne.

W – No clue where to go today, as is often the case, but just connecting and seeing where we end up has proven the best way to go, with you.

Y – Well, let’s connect then. What’s up for you?

W – Resting a lot this week, I got past that flat feeling that was a big part of yesterday. Reading a lot too about collapse.

Y – We haven’t talked much about collapse for a while have we?

W – Well, it’s been tied in for sure, but not so much directly.

Y- Wanna go there?

W – Sounds great to me, I could really use your take and input. Collapse is a big thing to hold, being so cross current to grain of our society.

Y – It really isn’t hard to see that collapse is happening already, and sudden and surprising further shocks are not far away.

W – I get that. I’ve been reading a lot of people who feel the same way, and yet I feel something is missing, especially from some of the most gifted and well known writers on the subject.

Y – What do you suspect that missing something is?

W – I know that it has to do with a bigger context, a container with which to hold all of the information. The information and guidance and research as valuable as it is contending to get people to wake up, and making it’s case for the coming collapse…but still, it doesn’t do something for me, that I wished it did. I can’t quite put my finger on it though.

Y – feel for a moment…

W – Feel what?

Y – Feel what it is that you are reaching for when you are taking in those authors and bloggers?

W – Okay. I feel how ‘not at home’ I feel in the present social construct, how stifling it actually is to me, and what I’m reaching for, it feel like has to do with a completely new arrangement of our social order, around deeper heart expression and meaning, much deeper. I hope that something of that is on the other side of collapse.

Y – for you…

W – Yes.

Y – That ache Wayne, that you are willing to feel, is what most are not willing to feel. To want something deeply that you don’t currently have or feel a tangible guarantee of obtaining is the essence of true vulnerability, as well as courage. It opens my heart to feel that in you.

W – Thank you Yeshua. Your helping me loosen it up a bit. It’s a realness that I have only found in such tiny moments or very select relationships that I want more of.

Y – I feel how your soul gets all lit up around a hope of a new beginning in heart to heart.  Collapse clears the deck so real grounded human need can cut through the cultural bullshit to this new possibility. You’re on it.

W – On it, how so?

Y – Heart to heart is the new emerging reality and container that wants to flow out of collapse. Collapse is the falling apart of the inauthentic and false-self based ways of relating to others. We talked before about the illusion of the separate self. That illusion is what needs to go. When it is sufficiently gone, then one can no longer inflict harm or take advantage of an other, because harming an other is harming self. And guess what else?

W – What?

Y – They can’t inflict harm on themselves either, after this illusion falls away, because harming themselves is the same as harming an other, because of our complete connection with every cell of life. It works both ways.

W – That’s cool, because I observe people in self suicide mode, who recognize the ship is sinking, yet can’t get themselves in gear to seek to leave the ship. And with every passing moment, the window of opportunity is clsoing.

Y – This is the essence of being in life and being surrendered to life that the soul is working through. Your soul has wrestled through these pieces a whole bunch to get where you are around it. Many just aren’t there yet. There’s a lot at stake for them this life, but the soul itself is never at stake, just it’s growth. It is always learning and growing it’s way into courage, vulnerability and the true power of love, especially through collapse. Love wins out in the end.

W – So collapse is not the enemy?

Y – Collapse is nature mi Amigo, and there’s one thing about nature, it is never in a panic. People project their own inner feelings of panic upon their lives and natural cycles. That’s what you are feeling when you are reading many people’s collapse writing. It’s the feeling of their own in-surrender to life, their reach for some safety guarantee to be found in externals and preparation. To the degree all that planning and preparation is founded in what they haven’t been willing or able yet to feel is the degree that the writing is based in a panic frequency even though the words are saying ‘let me help you.’ In truth, the soul of the writer is actually asking ‘Someone help me?’

W – But isn’t panic a good thing, I mean if the ship is sinking and all?

Y – True, but the panic is felt by the immediate reality that if you don’t move, you die physically. On a soul level, It’s not as clear for most people. We’re talking about a resistance to feeling a true and grounded panic to what is at stake for the heart and soul. It’s like If I don’t admit my need or my terror, and side in with the ‘all is well’ conspiracy, then that’s what will be true for me. I’d vouch a long ways for creating your own reality and all that, but in this case, the person needs to create their own reality in light of the sinking ship, because inaction is only going to result in creating the reality that they fear. It’s being afraid of death actually, but this feeling is subconscious and so the feeling is unfelt. This is what leads to the reality of death. I rest my case, we all do create our own reality. It’s just not some big spiritual attainment. Every day folks have already mastered this spiritual reality like a guru, they just don’t know it. Where some growth and attainment comes into the picture is being willing to feel what they have avoided feeling. What’s collapsing is the entire construct of avoiding feelings, and what’s arising out the ashes is the new birth of heart and feeling.

W – I think you’re tweaking all of us now, by that I mean me and anyone reading this. What would you add to that about gaining this feeling capacity that is so missing and wants to be born in us collectively?

Y – Well, it’s like you did yesterday. You admitted feeling flat and feelings of self judgment about what you weren’t doing that you could have been doing. These emotions have been hardwired somehow in the human psyche to avoid or suppress, when what’s being revealed now is that they, meaning the entirety of what you feel, that you like and that you don’t like, is the entrance into your own authenticity and power. People feel that if they shed their nice guy polite shit, there wouldn’t be restraint on their destructive energy, when really that destructive pent up energy is really just their authentic selves locked away. This is just kindergarten really for the heart and the emotions. A beginning place, that can take you to some crazy cool places as you’ve found out some.

W – yeah and I’m wanting to find out a whole bunch more.

Y – Cuz you’re a maniac.

W – who talks to Jesus no less.

Y – Hey, you’re not the only one taking flack for being strange man. I get the same deal from the guys i hang with about your and I’s connection. Their just jealous though. This is the shit the entire universe has groaned in travail for and you and got it going in an all inclusive package.

W – Thanks Yeshua, I feel myself getting slowly back up to your and I’s speed.

Y – Likewise, thanks Man.

W – I love you man.

Y I love you too, MAN.

The Cause Of Being Is Your Because: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua

Wayne – Hey Yeshua, I’m up for more if you are.

Yeshua – I’m in. How are you doing?

W – You caught that huh? I’m feeling a bit blah actually and a part of me is eager for there to be a bit more clarity about what’s going on. I don’t feel much motivation. I could be studying Spanish or doing exercise, but the get up and go for that isn’t there right now.

Y – And what’s wrong with that?

W – Well, a conditioned part of me doesn’t like feeling the blahs. I suspect something bigger than I can track right now is being rewired at the moment. After all, I am 1 week into a new country, and a few weeks retired from a 30 year career.

Y – Won’t you be surprised by where we go today?

W – I’m counting on it actually. But I think you’re gonna have to lead here. From where I’m coming from in the moment, I can’t feel much.

Y – And what’s the doorway into feeling?

W – I’d say it’s admitting that I’m not feeling much and that I’d like to be feeling a lot more.

Y – And what is the world of feeling?

W – hmmm, I’d say feeling is…..feeling is like a flood of self worth, and self-recognition that so inflates….and that comes from the internal, rather than the external. Sometimes the external is what triggers the internal…

Y – Okay, hold on for a second now. Self worth. Feeling worth. Feeling great about yourself.

W – Right…

Y – And you say, you’re not feeling much of that this afternoon?

W- Honestly, no. I’m feeling a bit flat.

Y – What is flat?

W – It feels like some impulse to do something. After all I am in a resort, with time on my hands, and money too if need be.

Y – And why don’t you want to go out and do shit?

W – I just don’t see myself having a lot of enjoyment being in people’s disconnected vacation energy.

Y – Where would you rather be?

W – I guess I’d rather be here with you having this conversation.

Y – Is this going somewhere?

W – I was just about to ask you the same thing.

Y – Tell me your answer.

W – Feeling is beginning to trickle in as I connect with you.

Y – And what’s the feeling?

W – That I am loved and valued as I am and as a human, I have much greater depth and need in my being, and simple pat answers about ‘overcoming depression’ are a pathetic bullshit heap in comparison with the uniqueness and complexity and the worth of my being…

Y – Don’t stop now.

W – And of course I feel out of sorts. I just unhitched from peddling myself in the world as a house painter, something that was affecting me with the growing integrity gap of painting people’s homes when I wanted to tell people to get the hell out of their sinking titanic reality.

Y – You’re left with a vacuum.

W – Yeah, I get that part, but I’m still struggling to enjoy it, or to be at rest in it.

Y – In nature Wayne, things incubate, they bake and they reboot. A breakthrough moment isn’t any more sacred that a process moment leading up to that breakthrough.

W- You saying I’m a bit of a change addict.

Y – Y’a think?!

W – Maybe you can help me sort through this lifelong restless energy then. Yes, I’ve been impatient and surprised many times by how things that defined my life, I became suddenly done with.

Y – I’m not so sure I can do that for you.

W – Why not?

Y – Because only you can do it for you.

W – Can you help me grasp that then?

Y – That I can do.

W – That I would like.

Y – How many guys do you know that talk with Jesus on the drop of a hat on boring flat feeling afternoon?

W – Are you trying to cheer me up?

Y – God forbid. Let’s try another tack. You tell me what’s right about you?

W – I feel that it is because I am in touch with my heart that I can feel what I feel, rather than suppress it, even if it isn’t a high feeling, feel the desire and need and even frustration of a blocked need, and in that come back to myself.

Y – Uh, huh, I’m listening now.

W – I’ve actually managed to uncouple myself from an entangled and make believe  world where time and money perceptions are used to enslave and cap the deeper capacities. How many people pull that off? Every person around me that I watch, I can feel the ache in them, the unfelt desire they are reaching for, and I have the ability to actually help them. That’s like real fun, not a boat ride being pulled in parachute abound the Bay of Banderas. God help us.

Y – What else?

W – I’m able to give myself this hospital like experience of care and love and going real easy on myself, and am able to answer and hold the part of myself who is still prompted by doing and routine and achievement, and be okay with doing nothing if that is what is most authentic.

Y – Because…?

W – It’s the because of the cause of being. My being is in rest and in stillness, there is a pregnancy of unexplainable metamorphosis. That’s the cause. Being over doing. It’s not a ‘do-cause,’ it’s a ‘be-cause.’ Not killing the being’s authentic and actual experience with doing something, out of some fear of losing meaning or purpose or value. I am full of meaning, purpose and value. I’m just choking a bit getting myself wired up to this new reality and letting it in. I’m hot fucking stuff man. How’s that Yeshua?

Y – You are hot fucking stuff man. Way hotter than parts of you realize. Do you get that the divine has had to put like lamp shades on you to get you safely this far, for a reason that’s yet to be revealed to you, to your mind that is.

W – Part of me worries though that especially when I’m in a flat feeling space that I’m somehow the weak link in all this unfolding, that I need to be more something to actually inherit divine purpose or something.

Y – Letting go of THAT veil is all that’s required. That was the deal extended virtually every religion, especially the one that fucking tagged onto my name, god dammit! Reeking pile of stinking horseshit that jesus loving Christianity is.

W – Whoa, Yeshua, are you being a bit over the top?

Y – The whole entire shit pile is designed and engineered for adherents to be ensured that never recognize or feel their own divinity. You don’t get people to wake up to their divinity by flogging them into it, or scaring them into it. You only ensure that they remain hidden further and further from feeling who and what they actually are before they ever believe anything or lift a spiritual finger to do anything. That’s a shit pile conditioning and I’d like to tell that to EVERY single Christian out there and especially the beloved pastors and priest assholes who are now called upon to admit that they are a huge part of the problem, not the answer in their claim on truth.

W – Wow, that’s interesting to me, cuz I have my Christian badge as you know.

Y – Yeah, and I get how relateable and all you are when you talk to Christians.

W – Yeshua, I just feel the deal is falling apart in it’s own way and time, and folks need the time they need. I did.

Y – And I get that, and I’d like to stick dynamite under it all at the same time. Part of the shit you are choking on in beloved Puerta Vallarta is the horse-shit Jesus and Mary Statues that serve as energetic blockers to seeing what’s true on a deeper level. You need to feel how part of your energy being sapped is location based, where your fellow human souls, who are your brothers and your sisters are committed to staying stuck in the name of serving God.

W – You know Yeshua, THAT I feel, I feel how I miss deep heart connection with the people around me, the people I’ve known in my past. I’ve dreamt about so many of them in recent months. They are my brothers and my sisters, and yet that brotherhood and sisterhood isn’t transactable.

Y – There’s that be-cause popping out Wayne. You’ve been guided to walk where others are afraid to walk, then feel the missing of the connection that you gave up to take those steps and then invite all men and women into the deeper waters you’ve found and feel.

W – My god, don’t suppose there’s a higher calling than that, huh?

Y – Yeah, and you figured you could embrace all of that without some headwind?

W – Guess I just forgot…so I could re-member…

Y – Have you tried the tequila yet?

W – No.

Y – Put that on your list man.

W – Will do, and thank you again Yeshua.

Y – De nada.

Your Inner God-Baby And Your Child Heart-Mind: Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua


Wayne – Yeshua, it has been too long.

Yeshua – Time is an elusion, but I get the sentiment.

W – I think you meant ‘illusion.’ Not that I’m any language expert.

Y – Both can work here. Time is an escape mechanism that both hides and deceives.

W – You feel eager to teach.

Y – I do?

W – Yeah, and I feel like I miss your teaching.

Y – You do?

W – Big time. I long for your context, for your deep expansion of consciousness that brings back wonder and gratitude.

Y – There are no higher states actually.

W – Really, are you sure about that?

Y – Wonder is the child heart mind connection that adults have had eroded and stolen from them. It’s the freedom to feel everything with little or no effort to hide. You have to go back to the youngest of children though to feel it in it’s essence as it begins to fade from early on in your world.

W – I was at breakfast this morning and there were little children all around, stuffing their face, fussing, smiling, gazing. I would have given my right arm to babysit for a day I felt like.

Y – These children reflect to you your own inner god-baby that you long to connect with.

W – I feel that Yeshua.

Y – What do you feel?

W – I just arrived at a resort in Mexico, while Jillian, Christopher and Kathleen and the fur-face trio are driving down. I feel like a dependent child in so many ways, I’ve found my way to the food and beer though. I even have a wrist bracelet that totally feels like a hospital bracelet. My caregivers need to positively identify me. It feels daunting at the moment to venture too far away from the resort, though I did take in the ocean and the waves yesterday.

Y – Feel that you do in fact have a baby entrusted to your care that takes priority over anything else. Your budding inner god-baby.

W – Tell me more.

Y – There you go, That’s what baby’s do. Ask questions. The questions arise from simply being with what is, and the absolute wonder of it in any moment.

W – I feel that like a faint memory more than a living reality. I mean, I want it to be more that way in my life no doubt, but it feels idealistic to a part of me.

Y – Labeling something as idealistic is a way to dismiss it and the pain of not being in touch much any more with deep penetrating beauty and wonder. It takes being and power to be willing to let in beauty. It’s not so much a lost art as it is a lost permission.

W – It feels good just now to be in our connection and feeling you and the desire you have to teach.

Y – My desire to teach is a desire to be met.

W – What do you mean?

Y – It’s not that I’m a know it all. In fact, I’m the opposite of a know it all. I know that I don’t even know how much I don’t know. But my desire to continue learning is in a healthy and fired up state. That’s being in the child heart-mind. All learning is sourced and based in simple love. Love connects and shares. I actually have a need to give away what I have in order to make room for more.

W – You tweak me big time Yeshua when you speak of all being being sourced in love and then how you connect that to the child heart-mind.

Y – What tweaks you about it?

W – Well, as I’m presently removed from my own cultural reference points and my previous sense of home, I feel the many cultural constructs around me, both of the locals and the tourists and they feel like they each have a beauty to them, but a beauty that is for the most part no longer felt and connected with.

Y – People go on vacation to vacate the prison of their constructed lives. They give themselves a few moments to feel their wanter, but then even that is greatly moderated by the part of them afraid to feel their own inner god-baby.

W – What would happen if we got a whole lot more admitting of our inner god-baby?

Y – It would change the world, like a tsunami changes a landscape. Love is the source and force that moves every bit of energy in the universe. Even the malevolent and destructive forces are actually seeking love. Meet destruction with love and watch the transformation.

W – My inner god-baby says ‘I want.’ I think that’s something like ‘Yo Quiero’ in Spanish.

Y – Language is the lingua or the tongue. It is the flow from the heart. It in it’s essence is very simple in what it wants and needs. It is only when someone removes from themselves the feeling of their own needs that language is complicated and removed from it’s essence of communicating the ‘Yo Quiero’ that is at root of all life.

W – That’s interesting Yeshua, because it seems every religion is far more comfortable expressing what they have to supposedly give, rather than what they are in need of.

Y – Big time. This utter disconnection from their own susceptibility to being human, posing as spiritual fill up stations, only serves to elude them with illusion of being without need. This is the key to returning to the child heart-mind. How cool would it be for a religion to offer ‘we long to know’ rather ‘we know.’

W – I think I may have a piece at least of an answer to that.

Y – Say on mi amigo.

W – It gets back to that terror of feeling the great loss of our child heart-mind. We put control around it in the form of offering answers without the reverence for the questioner or the quester, that is moved by the love you speak of.

Y – And this control really is a rinky-dink pathetic attempt.

W – Yet it seems so… everywhere.

Y – Because it is so dirt cheap and utterly worthless really. Give me the child heart-mind any minute of any day over that, and we will then discover what every vacationer is actually seeking. True seeking is what leads to finding.

W – Wow, Yesh, Thank you again. I think days were invented to be able to take you in, in stages…I need to hold off till tomorrow.

Y – There is no tomorrow remember, only now.

W – Okay, I will. One more thing, Yeshua, speaking with you is really helping me adjust, helping me feel my own heart, and helping me land in this brave new world. Gracias.

Y – De nada….

Moving From Materialism to ‘Motherialism’- Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Five




By Wayne Vriend

Fully feel every fear contraction. Let the fear be felt, held and loved, and thereby transmuted into true courage that can choose new love.

Wayne – Hey, Yeshua. Jillian just asked me if all the typing noise was me talking to you. I told her it wasn’t and then I realized how much I miss our connection.

Yeshua – Interesting how women can ask questions that are more than curiosity, huh?

W – Sometimes maddening, but only to the part of me stuck on staying small.

Y – What’s rocking your world?

W – You mean my cradle?

Y – What do I mean?…you tell me.

W – Well, it feels like a lot going through the pipe right now as we plan to leave in October to Mexico with a busy spell of painting contracts this past few weeks as we gather resources. Last night, I had this lucid dream about falling in love, and in it I was explaining the difference between falling in love and choosing real love, still based on deep desire, of course. I think the dream has something to do with Mexico.

Y – Now, there’s a great picture. People talk about the magic of falling in love, as if it is an unexpected accident; something they don’t choose. If they get a bit more meta-physical about it, then they suppose that love chose them. But, in both scenarios, their picture is that they were not the ones taking action. The only problem is that to follow the ‘I had nothing to do with falling in love’ picture is that a whole bunch of choices are coming straight at them. They are going to need to have a whole lot to do with the love for it to flourish or to die.

W – But, I still like the feeling of surprise that new love brings, like something that came out of nowhere.

Y – Being in life is being in love. Love moves every cell in the universe, and love moves every universe in the cell. It’s all love through and through. The feeling of surprise is just part of the juice of the game of renewed trust that invites us and encourages us to let in another big gulp of that love.

W – But then, for most people, the magic of romance seems to wear off.

Y – ‘Wears off’ is again a victim’s picture. The victim says, ‘Love surprised me by its entry and then surprised me again by its exit.’ No! You were too afraid to really let yourself consciously dream of your next phase of letting in love and how that might look and how you might cooperate responsibly to begin preparing for that. You needed to moderate love’s flow into a toned down picture of leaving yourself out of it. The same goes for seeing love’s ebb as something outside of yourself.

W – So, what does your picture look like in contrast?

Y – As you get more and more in shape heart-wise, you begin to accept more and more that you are love’s experiment.

W – Experiment?

Y – I know what you’re thinking. That ‘experiment’ is a bad word because many experiments fail. But love never fails. Love keeps its heart open in any circumstance. It is only in this way that love can come to know itself. The cool thing is that love is fixated on knowing itself in and through you. It wants to keep bringing you new love deals that feel like falling in love. It’s always up to the individual if they want it or not.

W – Usually it’s not a question of if they want it or not. It’s a question of if they want what comes with it or not.

Y – Exactly. Good point.

W – Thank you. Talking with you, for instance, comes with a bunch of challenges.

Y – Whadda you mean, man?!

W – Love always leads to choice. Choices always test the limits of our courage, challenge our identity, and challenge our current cradle.

Y – You saying that I do that?

W – I’m saying that you always advocate for letting in my next piece as courageously as I can.

Y – Okay, that I do do.

W – That you do do.

Y – do-do.

W – do-do.

Y – This is the essential do-do of life. Life begets life. Life moves.

W – And then we try to arrest it somehow, make it more stationary and predictable.

Y – And that’s all because we cannot accept that life is not afraid of death, but instead embraces death as love’s and life’s never ending opening to love.

W – But that takes some serious being in heart shape to dance with.

Y – Yes it does. The divine doesn’t want you to self destruct or suffer but at the same time, the divine won’t fret too much over your choices to stay stuck. It knows that love never fails.

W – It just has a longer term picture than we do.

Y – It takes the time it takes.

W – And we have nothing but time.

Y – Time to experiment and be in love.

W – I want more love.

Y – But that requires leaving the cradle of security that you currently know.

W – And choosing that… as in planning to give up my geography, my language, my livelihood, and this paradise of living beside the ocean and a forest and a creek definitely has its ebbs and flows of excitement and desire and, then, contractions.

Y – And all you are asked to do is fully feel every contraction. Let the fear be felt and held and loved. It is only as a fear is felt that it can be transmuted into true courage that can choose new love and all that it asks you to choose.

W – So then, it’s natural for me to give up something really good for something that isn’t a sure deal.

Y – It’s natural for what was a sure deal to lose its luster as it invites you to choose again. The luster fades as part of the invitation. You staying in a geography that has been a heaven to you can turn it into a hell. All the moralizing about ‘blooming where you are planted’ won’t change that.

W – And this is what leaves me inside of love’s essence…choosing what life is bringing me next.

Y – It really is that simple. Life always changes. It’s up to you to go along or not.

W – And if we don’t go along……

Y – You suffer, but love doesn’t really. Love moves. Suffering is a static state that doesn’t move. Suffering is chosen by the soul as a way to remain in stasis while more courage is cultivated to reenter the flow.

W – And whole new heavens await if we move with love.

Y – They so do.

W – From do do to so do.

Y – That’s what’s rocking your cradle, a newer and better cradle.

W – Why would we ever substitute materialism for this?

Y – This is the real ‘mater’ of materialism. Mother is derived from the word Mater. Mother realism.

W – Whoa. So I am moving from what we call materialism to ‘Motherialism.’

Y – And Mother wants to meet (realize) your ‘material’ needs.

W – I just need to let that in some more.

Y – Let your current cradle tip over into the next one.

W – And become very ‘Motherialistic.’

Y – Let Mother be your reality.

W – Okay, I’ll be a few days digesting that.

Y – Yes, you will.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and be in eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Learning Wants To Possess You With Childlike Wonder – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Four



By Wayne Vriend

The wonder of being a small child has been crowded out by what we learned (posessed) and replaced with duty, obligation and entitlement.

Wayne – Yeshua, Good Morning? Are your ears on?

Yeshua – Always on, my man.

W – I like it when you call me that…:)

Y – Good! What’s up, my man?

W – I’d like to ask you about learning.

Y – You never get enough do you? We talked about that already, didn’t we?

W – Yeah, but I forgot it all.

Y – Well, how am I supposed to learn you anything if you can’t remember?

W – The fun was in learning, and going ‘wow,’ so I figured if I forgot it all, then I could have fun relearning it. I got that from you actually. Forgetting shit is what leads to being re-membered.

Y – See that, you are learning.

W – Learning to know how to be in not knowing.

Y – And THAT is what tickets you into the theatre of real learning which is always and ever beholding wonder. Wonder by definition is not knowing. Canned knowledge, the kind that most peddle in schools, is learning stripped of wonder.

W – How do I get back to being in wonder, then? I know I suffer from the deadness you are referring to.

Y – Like any other learning, you hold the quest of the question, and see that you can never own or be entitled to any knowing, you can only and ever humbly be a partaker of the wonder, and temporarily at that.

W – Whoa…

Y – And realize that all knowledge is born of not knowing and eventually returns to being forgotten, which is to renunciate (for-get) ownership of the knowledge that was gotten.

W – Knowledge will cease…

Y – Yes, in order to let die what is dying and make way for new wonder.

W – So how do I apply that to say, my spanish studies, is what I’d like to know? By the way, Yeshua, I can so feel the part of me invested in this conversation who feels like a late teenager but is so wanting to learn and grow and make his life count.

Y – Hello to that part of you, Wayne. I recall him as Marvin, yes?

W – Yes, Marvin says ‘Hey Yeshua.’ I think I’ll just let him in on this conversation.

Y – Hey Marvin, I’m liking your desire to be in wonder.

Marvin – Thanks, Yeshua.

Y – What would you say about what we are talking about?

M – I’m feeling how the wonder of being a small child has been forgotten and crowded out by what we learned in school and how getting back to aliveness is about unlearning, not more learning, at least in the way we’ve related to learning.

Y – That says it in a really cool way. And it says how even the essence of childlike wonder is forgotten, but its imprint remains and calls to us.

M – Which is what I want to get back to.

Y- Why?

M – Because it’s boring and dead to be removed from wonder.

Y – Here’s a secret, you don’t need to go back to anything. Nature doesn’t work that way.

M – Huh?

Y – You can get to where you want to be by going forward.

M – That sounds good, but how do I do that?

Y – The childlike wonder gave rise to canned knowledge and to adultlike duty and obligation and entitlement that crowded out the wonder, right?

M – Exactly.

Y – So duty,obligation, and entitlement killed the wonder. Feel the deadness of what you once treasured, how it feels so hopeless to ever return to wonder. That is being in the deadness, which is never dead as we think of it. Death is always alchemical and transmutational. The compost heap of yesterday’s knowledge wants to transmute into the rich and vital organic soil of new wonder.

M – Forgetting in order to be re-membered…

Y – …into never ending wonder

M – How does that relate to our spanish lessons then?

Y – Know that as you learn to speak any word or phrase in spanish, it is being given to you, entrusted, you cannot own it. You don’t actually own english. Owning is the entitled sense that you have english conquered, and thereby you killed the wonder of the experience. Instead feel how language is a collective energy of flowing, not static knowledge, that is given to those who will steward this energy. Get that down pat and you should be able to learn Spanish just fine.

M – But I need to let go of trying to capture the knowledge…

Y – Yes, that’s it. Instead seek to be the grandest host you can be for the knowledge, be a temporary steward of it in its never ending cycle of death and rebirth into more and more wonder. Knowing and not knowing.

M – But I still feel a lot of energy to possess the learning, nail it down, get ahead and all that stuff.

Y – Feel instead how learning wants to possess you. It wants to be hosted in you, animated by you. Learning and wonder can’t have its fun without you.

M – So sign up for letting wonder be reborn in me?

Y – Totally.

M – Thanks, Yeshua

Y – You’re so welcome. I so wait for the day that more folks get onto this phase of real learning. There’s so much more wonder aching to be born.

Wayne – Whoa, Marvin’s an energy all of his own. We were up late last night eating vegan chocolate ice cream and studying spanish, and then we got onto what is real learning and he wanted to talk this out with you. Between the chocolate and the excitement, it was hard getting to sleep. My head still hurts.

Y – I love that feeling of new desire leading and aching out what feels like birth contractions.

W – My aching head needs some more life space to integrate all this Yesh. I think I’ll break here.

Y – Yeah, learning is never ending and it needs life to be in it healthily.

W – Now you can’t stop.

Y – No I can’t. Wonder is so very cool. Thank you Wayne and Marvin for your desire to learn. Learning is all just desire, you know?

W – No, I don’t know, but I’ll save that for another day.

Y – Desire, set free from possessing.

W – Next day Yeshua, Okay.

Y – This is why we have cycles of days you know, to let in more wonder.

W – No I don’t know.

Y – Good!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

All Learning Is Actually Heart-Based Learning – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Three




missiontomewayneBy Wayne Vriend

Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

Wayne – Good morning again, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, what is moving in you?

W – Jillian and I are oceanside, up on a ridge, plenty of view through tall evergreens, great sun, finally warm and the oxygen is amazing.

Y – You noticed the oxygen?

W – I take a deep breath of it when I step outside. It’s pure and alive.

Y – So you’re breathing deeper?

W – Yeah, that’s true physically and metaphorically.

Y – Things that are true physically are true metaphorically.

W – As in?

Y – One day at a time is true physically, right?

W – Uh-huh.

Y – and it’s true metaphorically.

W – We’re getting too simple, part of me says…

Y – You can never get too simple. It’s in the simplicity that complexity is both born as well as sustained.

W – Are you taking us on a mental trip this morning?

Y – We’re only using the mental as a vehicle to probe the heart and open the heart. All learning is actually heart-based learning. All learning begins with feeling and is even sustained by feeling.

W – Wouldn’t some math students beg to differ?

Y – The math student that labors dutifully with learning and doesn’t seem to engage his heart actually has his heart deeply engaged in the process. He just isn’t aware of it. Somewhere in his heart, he has agreed that to get ahead, or to get acceptance, he must sacrifice himself to the most heartless and boring form of learning. It may look like a bunch of mental learning, but it is a human heart first that is the agency of the mind. In this case, it is a wounded heart, on life support that’s leading.

W – Whoa, you’re opening my heart right now.

Y – And what do you feel as that happens?

W – I feel desire, like a deeper breathing, a resonance with an abundant universe, like no shortage of oxygen.

Y – Simplify that a bit for me.

W – I feel good.

Y – You-feel-good. Good. You were created to feel good.

W – A feel good religion?

Y – Totally. I never claimed anything more or less.

W – You didn’t balk at the word, ‘religion’?

Y – I never challenged people’s religions, I challenged their inauthenticity with themselves. Many people are originally drawn to a religion because it made them feel really good. I just want to revive their feel good mechanism, by getting them in touch with how bad they are actually feeling.

W – That’s almost too basic, Yeshua. It’s like offensive to the sophisticated self.

Y – Real learning is soo childlike. Children are natural and complete learners.

W – I love that line of yours – ‘Allow the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven’.

Y – Yeah, and don’t forget the back story. It was a bunch of adults clamoring around me, and they were shushing the noisy children from interrupting their order. I had to make them feel that those childrens interruptions were actually far more in line with learning than their clamoring energy.

W – I can so feel in me a desire to de-adultize myself right now.

Y – I feel that in you and it feels good.

W – Any advice on how to bolster that?

Y – Yes, feel the difference between the pursuit of knowledge or learning or ability from this tainted adult mindset of sophisticated learning and then feel the raw curiosity that the young child has before he or she ‘learned’ to feel superior because of what they learned, which was actually their first damper on learning. Ok, that was a long sentence. What I meant to say is, feel the difference between what is meant and felt by the popular usage of the word ‘learning’, feel the bullshit in it, and then feel the young child’s curiosity, wonder. Ok, that was another long sentence. The short answer is….’feel.’

W – It’s like I can feel the feel good reality like a small child knows it and compare that with the heavily dampened adult feel good reality that is mostly a medicative mechanism.

Y – Yes, you were meant to feel good, and when you don’t feel good, that feeling is the feeling you are given to be with.

W – Like a child doesn’t always feel good?

Y – True, but don’t mistake happiness and contentment or the lack thereof with an absence of feeling.

W – Huh?

Y – The child cries when its needs are not met. It is in feeling touch with its needs, and it makes noise and scrunches up to signal that it wants something. It wants to return to feeling good, but it is still in feeling reality. Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

W – It’s like the child is in touch and so is current with their feelings. Loss or need is expressing in the present, so there isn’t pain or baggage being carried from previous undigested losses.

Y – And that, my friend, is the big dilemma that you are wrestling with in the ache to return to essence. How does one process pain so as to make it digestible?

W – Please go on…

Y – I’d like to learn for a moment here. You give me your best childlike feeling-based answer to that question. Don’t worry if your adult language gets a bit wordy.

W – Hmm, it starts with an awareness that something is limiting and enclosing me off from the quality of the oxygen I was once used to. I don’t expect that I should feel good all the time, but now I recognize that I have become OK with feeling bad. I no longer scream or scrunch up or cry. The only way through the backlog of the baggage of pain, that is the pain I chose to carry along with me, rather than feel it in the moment.

Y – I love that. Simple as that.

W – But there are entire doctorates of learning on this subject in the mental health world.

Y – When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

W – Why does learning deny simplicity?

Y – Great childlike question. Why do you think it does that?

W – Well, what comes first for me is the self image grab that folks are looking for in sophistication.

Y – And why would anyone be out looking to grab onto self image?

W – Because they lack a feeling good self, as they are, that needs no image at all.

Y – And why do they lack a feeling good self?

W – Because they stopped feeling good somewhere along the way.

Y – And how did that come about?

W – I think it’s because they were threatened with conformity and fear of loss by a caregiver telling them and training them to be different than they were being.

Y – And why would a tragedy such as that occur under the pretense of care, no less?

W – Because the adult was no longer comfortable with the raw feelings of the child and misery wants company.

Y – And why would misery need company to such degree to sacrifice one’s own child for the cause?

W – Because adults are fucked. Mostly.

Y – What are you feeling as you say that?

W – I’m feeling pissed at how I was duped into giving up my reality for theirs.

Y – There’s a true learning feeling-need that wants to scream and scrunch up. Give it the oxygen that it once knew, but has ‘learned’ to do without.

W – Screaming and oxygen go together.

Y – Yes, good one. You find the scream by tracing back to where you left off the path feeling truly good, and then scream like hell every time you feel tempted to sacrifice your own truth under the barbaric guise of care.

W – Without getting hauled off to the looney bin?

Y – There’s no way to do that actually. If it’s not the literal looney bin, it’s the figurative one being excommunicated by your social world.

W – Where belonging means shutting up just like at 2 years old.

Y – What are you taking from all of this today, Wayne?

W – I so want to re-authorize, even so much more than I already have, my felt reality.

Y – And what is that?

W – My felt reality is self permission to feel and to desire.

Y – Say more.

W – Well, part of me actually is very native still to this feeling desiring world like the one I was born into, but a part of me that has regulated down this reality and judged it as unsafe. I still need to apply for permits to it to have feeling ‘events,’ rather than being simply in full time feeling reality.

Y – And why are you bringing this up on this journey blog series with me?

W – You brought this up?

Y – But you’re talking with yourself.

W – No, you’re talking with yourself.

Y – Good one. You guys are all trying to get spiritual by seeking to know and feel your divinity, while divinity is trying to get in touch with its humanity.

W – That’s kind of a mindblower.

Y – Yeah, thought so. It’s not, ‘what would Jesus do?’ It’s, ‘what would Wayne do?’ What would Wayne do if he was really in his truest human expression where no undigested pain of conformity and compliance were setting the sails?

W – Whoa, now there’s a reality I’d like to find. A back to essence journey. I don’t know the answer to that.

Y – And you know, the divine doesn’t either. It’s reading the book hoping for its money’s worth in an engaging, moving, and learning story. Stories that have stopped learning are complete. They die and return to essence and get back to their beginnings of curiosity and wonder. That’s why you are drawn to journey, Wayne. It’s renewing your lease on learning, not from a place of the power of knowing, but from a place of the wonder and magic of not knowing.

W – So what now?

Y – Breathe deep and feel.

W – But I’ve got a ton of stuff that I feel need guidance, effort, attention and decisions around this adventure that seems to be possessing me more and more.

Y – And the first order of business is deep breathing and feeling like a child does and getting back to essence because that is the entire journey in a nutshell. Everything you learn and grow in in this discovery is nothing more than that. You just need lots of varied life freed from what you’ve learned to get back to learning and to being alive.

W – Okay, there’s a good pause point, because I actually have all the time in the world.

Y – All the time in the world has you.

W – : ) Thanks, Yeshua, Not sure what that means, but I’ll let it in.

Y – Breathe in, Breathe out.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

You Can’t Take A Journey And Stay Where You Are – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Two



By Wayne Vriend

Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, Good Morning.

W – Summers definitely here, a bit on the early side of it, but it’s here. The morning birdsong is really sweet.

Y – Cool. What’s cooking now?

W – Well, this is a daily ride already, daily ups and downs. Yesterday was an opened out feeling after our talk and then a contraction of mourning and what felt like a fear, even some tears, but I think the word ‘contraction’ better describes it than a fear, though there is definitely concern for how we will be around food and shelter and safety.

Y – What was the contraction over?

W – It felt like some sadness over letting go of the place we’ve made home, our attachment to it, the comfort in it. Jillian and I have been in the Motorhome RV we call Terra for 5 months now, and it’s just been getting to a place where part of me really likes the ease and simplicity of it, the easy budget, the reduced efforts around chasing fiat currency, the trees, the creek, the ocean.

Y – I love how you guys are so current with your feelings. You wouldn’t be able to walk this out with a bunch of unfelt and unhealed reactions clogging your heart.

W – Thank you, Yeshua. I’ve had that very same feeling. It feels good to let in that we have come a long ways, that we have achieved something, that we reached for something that mattered in pursuing our own emotional healing and especially the letting go of what stood in the way of that. It’s hurt like hell at times, but the rewards have been present tense.

Y – It doesn’t get talked about because it has been so off radar. Hell, it was off my radar. Being in shape emotionally takes work and choice and a way of life to support that. It’s what’s next for humanity.

W – You said a moment ago ‘being able to walk this out?’ Can you tell me more about what this is?

Y – You don’t know?

W – I know what I don’t know.

Y – I like that answer. 🙂 THIS is a growth in discovery, beginning from where you are right now, where desire and choice are emerging into your consciousness, precipitating more desire and the contractions you refer to. It’s a process that you surrender to, that changes you as you go. You can’t linearly and literally know what this is, but you can feel it and respond to it in real and grounded ways where the heart is leading and clarity is following and trailing close behind. It’s like we talked about before…….you can’t steer a parked car. It begins with motion.

W – I like what you said yesterday, or was it me? That you can’t embark on a journey and stay where you are.

Y – I said that.

W – I thought it was me.

Y – Well, we’re wrapped up in this pretty closely. Maybe we both downloaded it and one of us spoke it. Speaking prophetically is as easy as falling off a log when you open your heart and let out your desire.

W – I’m learning that and liking that. Somehow though that simple statement about staying or leaving hits me deeply. Can you say more in that prophetic energy of yours?

Y – Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

W – I feel that in myself with all the journeying I’ve done this life. I heard it said years ago that all of life is essentially about entering and leaving. I like that because it makes sacred in our awareness all the stages and phases of life, even how we enter and hopefully leave times of darkness, or being asleep to deeper reality, both personally and collectively.

Y – It’s really coded deep into human life. Every human life is a journey, starting with a cell or two. Desire leads it on. Contractions are not intended to arrest the journey, but to open it out to deeper meaning and fulfillment. The divine is seeking its own fulfillment through you. The fullness that fills all in all and all that.

W – For me personally, I feel I’m approaching a ceiling in my growth where to remain too much longer in this culture and country of my birth seems to be grating against my next growth edge. And it’s getting really boring and uninteresting as well.

Y – So what’s your sense of what’s at stake?

W – Well, that’s emerging more than it is here for me in stark clarity, but what I can feel right now is I know I am meant to inhabit a deeper passion, a deeper leadership, a deeper soul energetic that people around can feel that compels them to drop their own facades and false gods. I’m having trouble doing that where I am also invested in the settler’s making ends meet picture, and fitting into some charismatic leader picture that draws a following.

Y – I say fuck the charismatic leader picture, Wayne. Charisma, as it’s become known today is almost a hundred percent bullshit. The era of the charismatic leader is over and it’s not selling like it used to. It was a good ride while it lasted, but mostly in the sense that it brought us collectively to a readiness to abandon that ship and seek a much more seaworthy vessel for the journey of our lives. Realness will soon be the only currency that spends in the domains of what actually matters.

W – Okay then. Fuck that picture. I really spent a long time in my life imagining myself as a sought after and famous charismatic leader. My buy-in into Christianity this life and others was mostly about that I can feel now, to be about ‘what really mattered,’ and to be well known for that.

Y – It may well be in your soul path, Wayne, to be well known at some point, but right now, every well known leader is in the middle of a collective bullshit detector shit storm where humanity is growing up and owning their own responsibility to follow their own lead. If you can lead in that, whoever follows, in whatever number, won’t lack for any meaning or fulfillment.

W – So we’re in the midst of these ideological journeys as a species that involve leaving safe shores and letting die things that were really treasured and revered…

Y – …that mirrors the physical journey you guys are feeling called to. The journey you take always manifests itself in real life action and choice. Deadness and boredom are a manifestation of remaining somewhere when you are called to leave. Leaving is the path to re-engagement.

W – Yeshua, what about the folks, though, that relate to travel or leaving as some medication to their unfelt emotional pains?

Y – Yeah, like the Christians who can’t wait for the rapture.

W – Exactly, or the folks who can’t wait for their next package ‘vacation.’

Y – Only people who are stuck see travel as a dream, or a medication for their pain. You’ve dealt to a pretty high degree with your stuckness this life having finished up with Christianity and a marriage that was complete and a self image that was running out of gas in all of that. Leaving a culture behind that you are considering now isn’t a travel package; it’s a next step into life. You’re not vacating something that you plan to return to, your leaving something behind for good, because it gets burned up as you go. There’s nothing to return to. That’s why parts of you, of course, have their necessary contraction reaction. It’s no different really than leaving the womb.

W – You’re a lot to take in, Yeshua.

Y – Did you get that point? – contractions precede birthings.

W – I know you can’t quit…yes, I need to take in that point…thank you. Thank you for your willingness to digest and feel this whole emerging trajectory with me. I feel this whole thing can be so much more lovingly navigated than what part of me imagines it to be at times.

Y – Well, like you said, this is a mission first to every part of yourself. In the end, you’re the only person you can save.

W – Is that true?

Y – Let’s save that for another day.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The World Of Never Ending Discovery – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day One


By Wayne Vriend

This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story, that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning, Wayne.

W – I know that’s kind of a cultural greeting, but it somehow works for us.

Y – It works for us because our hearts are open, and that energy transmutes the words into heartland.

W – Energy really is more than the words or the language, isn’t it?

Y – Way more. The language is born from the energy. The connecting starts first in the energy, then that opens out into shared dialect, which makes for dialogue, or conversation, from and by which you are literally ‘converted.’

W – Whoa, you feel ready to go…

Y – I am.

W – You say, ‘literally converted’…

Y – Yeah, that’s using words to provoke and awaken. It’s a license I give myself. It doesn’t always find its target, but I keep probing till it does.

W – There’s been a lot of ‘conversion’ energy gone on in your name, so I’m curious why you chose such a charged word.

Y – Yeah, that’s the cool thing about charged words; they help crack through the shell of normalcy and return you to wonder and awe with the world around you. The wonder of language works well for both putting to sleep or to awakening. I chose the word convert, to draw awareness to its root of conversation. From there, it’s easy to feel how either a conversation can be imbued with heart, which cannot leave both parties unchanged, or it can be imbued with the mental mechanics of head designed to screen out the heart, which leaves both parties deadened. Conversation of heart brings both to conversion.

W – Conversion to what though?

Y – Conversion to the world of heart. It’s a return to essence. It’s a return to the life force interconnecting all living things and all matter, on all planes, both seen and unseen. Something like that.

W – It’s got me going.

Y – Do you remember I said ‘you need not that any man teach you, for the spirit of truth shall lead you into all truth.’

W – I do recall. King James english and all.

Y – See, thou knowest. 🙂 Here’s the deal though, I was a man teaching that you don’t need a man to teach you. What I meant was your heart is sovereign over the influence of any other. Through the heart, you can feel what feels true and what doesn’t. You can only and ever follow your truth. That mechanism gets messed up though when people are unable to access their own heart and that dimension is blocked and there is no healthy self ‘author’-ity. Then they are left to being converted by an other instead of being mutually changed into more and more heartland expression.

W – I like that.

Y – I like that too, and can get caught up in the theory of it all, but we didn’t come here just to mentally masturbate over metaphysics,…. what brings you here, Wayne?

W – Yeshua, I’ve been having a big flood of desire rumble through for about a week now. It feels a bit like a rising earthquake, and a roller coaster all in one. I feel I really need your help to not let an ounce of this life juice go to waste.

Y – Earthquake rumbling roller coaster of desire…around what?

W – It’s a bit vulnerable to put it into words, publicly. I’d like to digest with you too whether this should be public, but I think I already know,…what has arisen is a deep desire to take a journey and leave my geographical and cultural home and possibly never come back.

Y – Say more.

W – I feel I’ve reached a ceiling, or maybe am approaching a ceiling in my growth this life by living in the culture and way of life afforded me by the country and culture of my birth. Something really basic in my wiring around way of life, livelihood, language even, money and self image stuff that leaves me on a safe shore, but uninitiated to something deeper. It’s the settler vs discoverer thing coming back to haunt me. Jillian’s infected with this too. So is Christopher. We’ve been infecting each other, you might say. It’s already been times of excitement and desire, and then feeling ‘what are we thinking?’

Y – And how do you feel I could help with this?

W – Well, I guess you could say it gets back to what you said earlier. I need to be changed by heart to heart conversation and conversion if I’m going to undertake holding this desire, let alone undertake the choices around it all.

Y – Ok then, we weren’t just mentally masturbating together then.

W – Nope.

Y – Entire worlds of exploration are left closed to us when we cannot access heart, and heart is accessed by heart. You can do this self to self and you can do this self with other. Both are true. Both are alive, and both are largely kept off people’s radar because new world’s long and call to be explored, and most don’t have the coin to make the purchase.

W – You sound like you’re into helping me sort through this one?

Y – Wouldn’t miss it for the world, you could say, but more accurately in my book, this is the world…never ending discovery.

W – And if not discovery for the sake of pillaging and conquering, then what, Yeshua?

Y – Pillaging and conquering is all about the story of separation and scarcity. This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story. A story that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart. It’s a profoundly personal journey and profoundly an interconnected journey with all humanity. It’s subscribing to a new story.

W – A new story that I can’t quite access in the way I’d like to by remaining where I am…

Y – You can’t take a journey and stay where you are…no.

W – This is going to be a ride, Yeshua. I can feel it in you, and what it stirs in us. Any idea what we can name it for the sake of the blog?

Y – Not a clue.

W – No way… I stumped you for words?

Y – What would you name it without killing it?

W – I know what you mean, language is so used to capture and conquer, to help manage our unfelt fears.

Y – Maybe you need to keep renaming it as you go, by letting the name evolve and flow from those together on the journey, as you are changed by the journey.

W – I like that, but I still need something to put at the top of this for now.

Y – As in a ‘title,’ as if you then ‘own’ it.

W – Can I ‘title’ it something without owning it and killing it?

Y – That’s going to take some work actually, and some collaborating to steward this into being rather than owning it into being.

W – I thought of calling it ‘Mission to Me.’

Y – I like the feel of that for now. Maybe add in their somehow – ‘the journal of my journey’

W – I feel like we’ve just opened a big can of whoop-ass worms.

Y – It’s gonna take fight, you’re right, and rest too.

W – I want to feel every inch of this with you, and with those that are drawn into the journey.

Y – I’ll show up for that.

W – I waited this week to try and be sure that I would show up for what I knew you would be willing to show up for.

Y – All you have to show up for is your own heart Wayne. The rest takes care of itself.

W – I’ve got some major climatizing to do for this next leg of my journey. I’m looking forward to the learning and the liberation.

Y – I’m into this for the same reasons Wayne. As a teacher of humanity, I only get to my next places by going there with others.

W – Talk again tomorrow?

Y – Totally. One day at a time.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.