The Inner Family As A Tapestry Of The 3D Self

This morning tears flowed as I connected with my Inner Mother. The part of me that has been imprinted with the energy, fears, and cares of my birth mother as well as an archetypal wounded mother I referred to in a previous post as The Devouring Mother.

As with all archetypes, they are larger-than-life energies that can have our way with us unless they become more personalized and intimate. I sat down this morning to connect with my own Inner Mother named after my birth mother. As a man this can take some time as it is a bit of a dissonance relating to any feminine part, especially if it is your birth mother.

The gift in it though is a deep realization how much She has been a subtle, and not so subtle, influence in our lives. I got to feel where her deepest pains have lain and how those have been a place of my own inner conflict and turmoil. I held the space for her to express her sorrow, her fear, and her longings. It was just as much self-to-self as it was from me to my mom on a higher plane of relationship that we just cannot have consciously right now.

I felt how much she held onto and burdened herself with. How much as a boy and a young man I tried to assuage and bring some goodness to her life by doing well in school, making good choices, and keeping her as worry-free as possible unless the rebel had enough and chose otherwise. Always a push-pull to be individuated and mated to Mother at all times.

In all my time on this path I never fully went into this inner relationship. It was always external. I had processes with my Inner Child, Teenager, Sister, and Father but not in depth with Mother. This feels analogous to the level of bind that we had together. Once I drew a tighter boundary with her on the outside the more of panic mode she got on the inside.

This helped to have her collapse into my heart space once and for all. Once we both realized that she was the last inner family member I felt all my other parts come into the space and it was like a family reunion of this life wounding that could finally embark on integration. Deep tears flowed as this feeling filled my Inner Mother and my thus my body. She was accepted for all she IS, wounded or not.

This is where I realized that our 3D self is a tapestry of this inner family, all wrapped up our birth name. For me that name is Chris. He is the sum of those parts and now so much greater. I feel him ready to walk into the sunset of death and rebirth into the 4th dimension, wherever that leads him. Not an overnight journey but one that gets to be on the move now that my Inner Mother is back Home. In my heart. Where she has always wanted to belong.

Unachored, Re-membered, and ready for the Metasoul.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Devouring Mother And The Healing Of The Wounded Masculine

Over the past couple of days I have been digging deep into my fear of intimacy. This was brought up by a recent situation with my beloveds where I was not forthcoming with details that I choose to keep private for now. The theme was about not trusting those that care deeply about me and are close to me. A projection of rejection and maybe even judgement on top of a rebellious undercurrent to feel myself as independent and sovereign.

As deep hurt was expressed by my push away and hiding, I could feel the walls harden around my heart. Feeling a need to not go into what used to be shame spirals. I could not feel myself as separate from it. I was The Wall. Even a voicing of a need to possibly not being a part of community in order to feel my sovereignty. A deep rebellion wanting to have its way.

The rest of the day I needed to feel my push away. This need for my masculine to seek independence from the feminine, albeit invulnerably. This voice needed to have its say. Its resistance. But as I felt more through the night, I knew this was not fully me. Not the totality of my being. As a facilitator, I knew that there is so much more to this, but I had stumbled on something quite powerful and inevitably archetypal.

Later, I heard the term “Devouring Mother” as an feminine archetype. It exploded a whole “new” awareness inside of me. I had recently just drew a further boundary with my biological mother right after a profound session about her very influence on me. As I released that dynamic even further it allowed this archetypal energy to flood my psyche subconsciously. I began to feel more distant and less open to intimate gatherings and connection. The sleeping giant of my repressed masculine was waking, as well as his relationship to the feminine via ‘Mother’.

When being given a choice to go against that communal feminine intimacy I fused to this wounded masculine need to rebel and push away. This is when I could feel the projection of the ‘Devouring Mother’ onto my beloveds. How can Sovereignty live side by side with Intimacy? This is what I wrote about earlier in a recent post about the inherent insanity of a man’s need to individuate from Mom while at the same time returning the bosom of The Mother at the same time. It is fucking maddening!

What I could feel was how my Inner Protector created a wall around this ‘Independence’ from Mom. Fuck all that would try and ‘take’ that from him after just feeling like he gained it. I put all those words in quotes because it is all a dynamic happening within and being projected out. I, Gabriel, could only fuse to the reaction to the projection. I got lost in what Jung called a Constellation. A watershed of unconscious and subconscious reaction.

In this greater understanding of this conflict between Mom and uninitiated son, I could feel how it is all being played out on the inside. The ‘Devouring Mother’ IS my Inner Mother. An inherited version of her inside of me. By taking her out of the Realm of Archetype and placing her as a part of me, I can begin to have a relationship to her that isn’t so freakin’ massive. I get to feel her needs and her fears of intimacy and of losing me as a validation of her own reason to Be. She is another version of the wounded feminine within the masculine that has great importance for us all as men on this spiritual quest and desire for empowerment, joy, liberation, and union.

For me it is a HUGE revelation and one that is just a starting point on this journey of selves-discovery that leads to Self-realization. We cannot ignore the depths to which our mothers play in our male psyche and emotional body. This internalized aspect of her leads us to a more authentic version of our masculinity, our relationship to intimacy with Other, and the Divine Mother Herself.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Journey Of The Ascending Masculine: Sometimes You Have To Be The ‘Bad Guy’ In Order To Be The ‘Real Guy’

A man’s emotional maturation and spiritual journey inevitably comes to a crossroad with his relationship to his mother.

I write about this today because I was recently contacted by my own mother and could feel the old energies of guilt and shame that underlied the old dynamic between us and within her. These were very subtle and yet not so subtle energies.

On the outside, or from another consciousness, one would view me as an awful son for drawing my boundaries I did years ago and choosing not to communicate unless we were in a similar transactional frequency. This recent message was a clear indicator that nothing much has changed.

The timing was auspicious as well as I had just had a process not just a few days ago where I felt more residual energies in my emotional and psychic bodies in regards to my mother and how her wounding affected me as a young boy and have lived in me through my inner child and inner teenager.

These frequencies of guilt and shame are huge energetic anchors that serve no one’s growth yet are portals into that very thing. The process was to say no more to those frequencies and to feel the part of me that needed to be a bit matter of fact about how it all made him feel growing up.

This is a big part of any man’s journey. Saying no more to what has lived between us and our mothers that has not been healthy. These can be really subtle the more you keep going in, especially when you are in an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. There is stuff that has a very long shelf life unless we keep up the conscious exploration within.

The dichotomy of a man’s journey is that he needs to seek individuation from mom while entering The Mother at the same time. Moving from one womb to another. This can be a bit of a maddening process and one that I want women to have a perspective on to understand what this is like for the men in their lives. Not and excuse, mind you, just an understanding.

Sometimes this individuation process can come while in proximal relationship to our mothers, and other times it is just not possible. Some of the triggered responses can be how we could do such a thing to someone who did all they could for us and gave birth to us. Therein lies the trap. The guilt and shame.

I am grateful for all my mother did for me, and even in this process, continues to do so. However, birthing does not give permission to retain a free pass into my emotional body. It prevents any of us from arising into the man we ARE and having the kinds of sacred unions with women that no longer perpetuate this dynamic.

Sometimes you have to be the ‘bad guy’ in order to be the ‘real guy’.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Letting Go Of Serving/Community, To Serve, Love, And Commune With Myself

by Kalayna Solais

“The energy released through the act of Confrontation is the resource from which the new self is created. To be sure, it takes great courage to look within, but the universe will not present to you what you are not ready to see… we will never be given a burden greater than our ability to carry.” — from Avalon Within by Jhenah Telyndru

Lately, I’ve been in a process of really diving deep within to confront anything and everything that has been keeping me from leading to my fullest capacity and deeply inhabiting service…. which is also everything that’s been keeping me from ME, from loving myself in a deeper and fuller way, and also loving others in the deep way they deserve without energies of comparison and intense projections of all kinds.

I’ve been having to take space from my community and them from me during this ongoing process… and that also means not facilitating or offering intro calls to others. I’ll also not be leading the SAFE calls for women with Jelelle, like the one tomorrow.

I feel surrendered and sad. Hopeful and remorseful. I’m mourning the old timelines that are collapsing but grateful that it’s time for something new to arise from the ashes. I feel the tenderness, unknown, and even insecurity that comes up in claiming this space for myself but the alchemy and opportunities in this too, to finally uproot and HEAL what’s been allowed to live inside of me for so long, well beyond this life. This is the business of deep soul shadow work and I’m grateful for the degree of trust I have around it, even though it’s so challenging sometimes to hold it all. In moments, it feels like I’m going to implode. But even then… once the waves that feel like they’re going to drown me ebb again, a grace comes through, something bigger than the ‘me’ I’ve been, holding me. And that I’m leaning into as a vital part of my own personal healing and Ascension journey that I can’t put off anymore and that needs my intense sobriety and focus.

I highly recommend having a free 30-45min intro call with Raphael Awen or Gabriel Heartman… both are heart open, wonderful men that can be deeply trusted and they are so ready to show up for you and all parts/Metasoul aspects of you. 

Also, if you are a woman, I very much recommend checking out Jelelle Awen’s SAFE call tomorrow. Even if you can’t make it live, you can purchase the recording. It’s $15 CAD to attend/receive the recording. Jelelle’s energies of Divine Feminine/Mother are gentle yet catalytic and I have benefitted greatly from everything she has ever offered me in session space and beyond.  More info on the event tomorrow here: https://www.facebook.com/events/939184226480490/

Much love to you and with you,
Kalayna

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, a healing healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Experiencing Anxiety And Depression As Portals To Your Parts Of Self And Soul

By Jelelle Awen

The two emotional experiences that are so often brought to be ‘fixed’ or ‘solved’ in sessions (often by the Inner Protector) are that of anxiety and depression. The answer in 3D is to suppress them, to medicate them with ‘anti-feeling’ drugs. The answer in 3D is to fight them, to not let them ‘win’, to be stronger than they are. The answer in 3D is to see these emotional states as enemies that must be conquered and controlled, especially if they are interrupting or disrupting your ability to work hard and ‘keep up appearances’ (which is the number one priority in 3D life.)

The experience of anxiety can be so difficult. The worry that practically chews at your third chakra. The ‘panic attacks’ seeming to come from nowhere that can be embarrassing, inconvenient, and just plain scary. The inability to feel at ease, at rest, and in goodness inside of your own skin and life.

Depression can hang like a thick fog over everything. Life feels meaningless, especially 3D life routines of work, eat, sleep patterns that go on and on. The sense of flatness is punctuated by moments of wanting to die and neither feels comfortable with each other.

In 3D, the emotional states themselves are treated and fixated on….rather than the actual parts of the self (and soul) that are feeling them and WHY they are feeling them. In my over 15 years of working with parts of myself and with others in spaceholding, I have discovered that there is always VERY GOOD reason for these feeling states. Rather than suppressing them, we relate with them as a PORTAL.

Seeing them as a portal allows you to shift from fighting them and into loving curiosity about them. The experience of extreme emotional states is so often the result of backed up, undigested traumas. Anxiety is the downstream, byproduct of parts of you (usually the inner child) not experiencing that life was safe energectically/emotionally/ and very often physically. Your inner child cannot actually trust life to be loving, so they move into an anxious state of distrust near constantly. This is fuelled by the Inner Protector and Inner Punisher’s lack of trust in the world to be a safe one for your Inner Child to be in. The two anxious states fuel each other rather than either able to provide trusting and loving frequencies to the other.

Here is a meditation with me to meet your Inner Child, as a place to start: https://youtu.be/L_bpgyIuYds

This is just ONE possibility for the existence of anxiety, as it can also stem from the Metasoul and be a result of very traumatic soul experiences (especially those that involve killing or being killed) that haven’t been digested. The existential anxiety is very often underneath the this-life triggered anxiety. In 3D, the veil of amnesia is thick and the very influential emotional bleeding-through reality of other lifetimes (especially for those awakening) is not acknowledged.

Depression is very often the struggle of the soul to accept and integrate into 3D life. Awakening souls aren’t meant to actually assimilate into 3D life, yet they aren’t very often supported and initiated into their true soul purpose and galactic essence. If this initiation had happened during our formative teenage years instead of invalidation, we would have bloomed into passionate expression of our soul gifts and service of love. Instead, we were conditioned in 3D deadness cycles….and depression is often a result of that conditioning and programming that goes against the grain of souls and hearts.

Connecting with your Inner Teenager can help to ease the depression as their creativity is released and discovered with you as loving and supportive soul mentor that they never had. Depression is also connected to soul themes and other lifetimes, especially for those souls who are highly creative and connected to and are a channel for Divine inspiration. Here is a guided meditation to meet your Inner Teenager: https://youtu.be/sLDoA7UXVFk

Connecting with emotional states such as anxiety and depression AS portals of self discovery to these parts of you allows for a BIG shift in your experience of them. Instead of battling them, you come to see them as a precious gift that opens up access to these parts of yourself and soul that need you. Over time, the expression of them lessens and eventually fades away altogether (as has been my experience)….with no drugs needed.

Only love can heal the trauma and the downstream emotional expression of it. As you embrace all parts of yourself and their expressions, you are offering the medicine of love to heal whatever inside of you most needs it.

Love,

Jelelle Awen

30-45 minute free intro calls over Zoom are available now with SoulFullHeart Facilitators Gabriel Heartman and Raphael Awen for you to see if this journey into your self and soul through the SoulFullHeart process is for you. You can contact them through this blog to schedule one or go here for more information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free intro calls and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

Gatekeepers, Protectors, and Teenagers, Oh My!

I just got off my first Intro Call with a very multidimensional individual who has had deep feelings of being trapped or stuck in their current situation. They are currently assisting a parent with life circumstances. This can be very challenging if there is an emotional and spiritual dissonance, and a deep empathic sensitivity.

One of the things that I felt was the presence of a Gatekeeper who is very active and present in our awakening whenever they occur. For some, this can mean a widened and deepened view of what is occurring beyond our 5-sense reality. We can be overwhelmed by the power of this sight and felt reality. It is a reflection of how big we really are.

But it can also come with a hefty price tag if/when darker energies make their way into the lightness of being. They are like moths drawn to the flame. This can be all part of a larger karmic playout that can be very difficult to integrate in our human, earthly bodies.

The Gatekeeper can go into protection mode and shut is all down, or severely limit it. This can be really hard to deal with and is why they feel like they are “trapped in these denser frequencies”. That is because they are. They are not meant to do work here in this dimension. They are a 4D energy that is meant to be accessed and related to. They are not meant to do human work. You are.

This energy can also extend itself to our more ‘this life’ parts such as the Inner Child and/or Inner Teenager. They can get very activated through fear and frustration as to what to do with it all. This is where taking some time and space to feel all of these energies through helps to sort out what to address, heal, and integrate.

While this initially seems a bit complicated and overwhelming it is just a map of your inner emotospiritual geography that we get to explore together to unravel the mysteries and heal the cycles of trauma and unworth that lead to self-love, self-awareness, and service to others.

Right now it may feel like a lot, and it is, but with consistency and compassion, these parts of you get to lean into the You that arises out of the sorting out and feeling. It is a journey unlike any other that offers a new way of feeling yourself in this great big world of Heart and Soul you signed up for.

I would be honored to be a co-explorer and reflector for you on that journey. For more information on our free Intro Call and how the SoulFullHeart process can support you in it, click on the link below or you can PM me as well.

Much love to you at this time of our evolution and involution.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Feeling And Healing The Inner Punisher In Service Of Love

When you are in a profession such as medical, education, business, etc. you are in a constant state of learning the new data, trends, and practices that will keep you up to date and on the leading edge of the field.

As a healer and a light/shadow worker it is very similar. I am in constant ‘professional development’ to better serve myself first and then in overflow to my facilitants/clients. Without me keeping dibs on my emotospiritual needs, I run the risk of a kind of malpractice in a way. This is not a form of shadow hunting, just being keenly aware of what my next steps are.

I came to hold space for a deeper layer of what we call the Inner Punisher. My current facilitants have had this show up for them at the same time, so it felt like a reflection to feel in myself. This is part of the development. Of becoming aware of what we may still be unaware of. The signs are right there in front of us when we are open and willing to see them, even if it feels uncomfortable.

This lead to a deep process with what we also call the Inner Father. These two energies were both merged as I had a lot of early childhood trauma with my biological father. There was a legacy of harshness and rage that had been handed down to the males in my family tree. It can’t help to be transferred from one son to the next. However, for me, this inner critical voice was internalized and expressed as self-punishment.

As I held this as a part of me, an Inner Father that wanted me to be normal and successful, I began to feel the vulnerability set in. I asked many questions to unearth what was at the root of his rage and anxiety. Once we got there, the tears began to flow for all that he felt like he had become as a mirror of my outer father.

He called himself Sarge like a Sergeant in the army. Both my father and grandfather were Marines and this was imprinted in my DNA. It has many Metasoul connections as well. I felt my compassion for him and even offered him forgiveness. That was hard for him to let in.

This is a deep energy that takes time, through rounds of healing and feeling, to get to the core of where the punishment comes from and how it has played out in so many ways. When it is coupled with a mother or father imprint it can pack a lot of energy but also a lot of healing. Our birth families offer us a lot of fodder for growth and transformation.

I have not been in contact with my father for many years. However, I could feel his higher self with me, offering remorse for what he was unable to offer me this life. That lead to another deep healing inside of me. I felt his old energy leave my field and felt a newer one integrate inside of me.

This has been years in the making and I feel a renewed sense of my own Gabrielness for lack of a better term. It is this Gabrielness that is the heart of my Service to Other. It is what lets me upgrade my system in order to let in more Light and Love to hold space and guide with compassion. I offer that space to you as well if you feel the desire to get to the core of this critical energy or any other energy you feel is keeping you in a lowered state of frequency of being. This is the reason I am here and the reason I continue to heal.

Gabriel Heartman
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

We offer a free 30-45 minute intro call via Zoom to see how the SoulFullHeart process may serve you in your healing and growth. Click the above link for more info or you can PM me. 🙂

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Gratitude As A Doorway To Reverence And Abundance

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. It feels different than in the States. MUCH less collective energy to wade through. It has given me the chance this morning to really tap into Gratitude, Reverence, and Abundance. There are so many things that I felt I could right about this morning but this one felt timely. The full moon energy is wanting to open up something for all of us around these tones. 

Gratitude can be a hard one for us to fully embrace. Parts of us can feel how much there isn’t to be grateful for. To give thanks to the universe might be akin to thanking one’s abuser. Without feeling this very real part of us, the authentic gratitude we do have may be a bit shallow in its depths, if that makes any sense. 

When we can tap into that part, the tender reasons can come to the surface even after all the thrashing. It may appear to be an entitled teenage energy or a despairing Gatekeeper tired of holding all they do across dimensions. What is there to be thankful in that?! Being seen and felt in their pain is what opens the heart to that genuine gratefulness. 

It is feeling all these edges where we get to see how authentic our gratitude is. It is not about gauging the level of our appreciation, but just feeling what is real inside of us. When that has space, Gratitude becomes like a clear, gorgeous sunrise after a very long and stormy night. You see the trees, hear birds, and see the light in a much different way. 

This is what then becomes the benchmark for our authentic gratitude. After my last deep process about a month ago, I see the world through these heart eyes. I feel what I wasn’t truly grateful for. What I had taken for granted inside of me. But now the sun is shining again and I see more than I have in any time before. But I needed to go to this place first.  

I am grateful for the Love I am surrounded by, the soul family I am apart of, and the inner world inside of me that continues to grow and be cultivated. I am grateful to be a healer, a way-shower,  a light/shadow worker, a teacher, an ambassador, and a human being. From this place I am lead to Reverence and ultimately to Abundance (more on those in next posts).  

Thank you to all that have followed my heart and words these past 3 years. Many blessings and real love to each of you. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Introducing Free Intro Calls!

In this video, I talk about our new 30-45 minute Intro to SoulFullHeart call via Zoom. During the call, we would feel together the most presenting issue that you consider most affecting your current timeline.

As I state in the video these are varied and numerous for each of us. Either myself, Raphael, or Kalayna would clarify how the SoulFullHeart process can support you through the feeling, healing, and transformation of where you feel you need the most help.

Prior to the call you would access your Inner Protector via one of our meditations and answer a few short questions, though they may not have short answers. This helps us orient to you and your emotional and energetic bodies as well as gives us a place to go focus when on the call.

You can go to our website for more info at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions or email us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com to set up a day and time.

Looking forward to meeting any of you who are seeking a different path to healing and seeing the world.

Love,

Gabriel Heartman

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Vulnerable Sharing From A Moment Of Deep Tears

by Kalayna Solais

Crying in the moment and I can’t 100% track it, what’s going on behind the tears… but, I thought I’d share and see what is coming through my heart in this moment. Take you along with me. 

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Sometimes there is just so much sadness that comes up in me. It’s not always linked to what I’ve gone through or am going through now. It’s not always connected to an inner process.

Sometimes it just IS. And there are so many layers to it… some of them mine, some of them not so much.

The deeper I feel it… the more I feel the sadness of a part of me coming up, but a sadness in my soul in a ‘Cries of the World’ kind of way, too.

My empath has been becoming even more sensitive than ever lately. The sense of needing the same masculinized protection inside has been healing for years. It’s time to have a more exposed, feeling, feminine heart that doesn’t need protection but needs to vulnerably share and deeply feel.

Beginning new things is always something sensitive for the younger, very feminine parts of me that care so much about being liked, being accepted, doing well… and also care SO much about others, about helping others heal, about having resonant relationships where there is genuine care, and about seeing this world we live in becoming more gentle, more open-hearted and caring, more compassionate, and ultimately much, much safer to live and breathe and emote and LOVE in.

There’s still a lingering sadness in my feminine that my last relationship is over. There’s still a way that it’s just HARD to see the growth that couldn’t happen while we were together. And there’s still so much confusion as to why this has been true. I can feel this aspect’s confusion though… her pain around relating to men in general that some of it stems from and how this relates to her relationship to my masculine inside.

When it comes to men, it’s just been SO hard to try and become what she isn’t in order to get loved, feel wanted, and belong to the man’s world. Often this has meant sacrificing something of herself for the sake of the relationship and keeping it kosher. And over the last couple of months of inner process between her and my masculine aspect(s) I’ve become more awakened to how this dynamic has lived inside of me. How he has caretaken something in her which has kept her small and how she has not been able to vulnerably invite him to actually feel her and meet her halfway in any area so that they can feel each other and really, genuinely BE together in collaboration, mutual respect for each other’s bigness, and LOVE.

So there’s that going on in this ‘now’ moment. And it doesn’t need solving or resolving… just more feeling. There’s definitely some other layer of this inner relationship coming up for me to tenderly feel with these aspects, more push-pull towards each other.

Some of the tears aren’t mine, so there’s that layer too. I don’t mind moving the ‘Cries of The World’ through my heart though. I actually feel honoured when I feel them and when I feel others and their genuine pain. This doesn’t plague me or bother me. The ‘Death Doula’ inside of me can be with the mourning and the sadness and even the frustrations. The frustrations through, because I don’t have many of my own anymore, especially in my masculine aspect, quickly move into the more vulnerable feelings of sadness that are beneath them.

Questions of “Why isn’t there more love flow in this world yet and heart warmth too?”; “Why are Disclosure people so intense still and not seeing how any focus on warfare exacerbates the problems instead of moves it all into new territory?”; “Why aren’t more souls choosing to REALLY go inward yet?”

As I feel my heart ask these questions, I know the answer already… “It’s not yet time… but it will be eventually. And the only thing YOU can do is keep going inward, keep feeling, keep sharing, and keep growing and healing, as you also respond to those who ARE ready”.

So, there it all is… different raw layers coming up on this early, EARLY Friday morning. 

I don’t often share this way because it seems to draw caretaking from others sometimes. I’m sharing this today to show how I process, the different layers I feel going on in so many moments of deep feeling, and I trust that what is meant to resonate and support your own process, will. 

Thank you so much for taking this in as you feel to for yourself. 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.