By Jelelle Awen
In sessions with women recently, the Punisher-shame dynamic has been coming up for feeling and healing as it is illuminated in the loving and safe healing field that we create together. It can be SUCH an ingrained and deep dynamic that is largely unconscious and ‘off the radar’ for most people, even those awakening for quite awhile. It can create an ongoing sense that life is hopeless, heavy, confusing, bleak, and without consistent inner/outer movement.
There is ongoing suffering looping that happens when the Inner Punisher part of you is continually criticizing/putting down/creating doubt in other parts of you that respond in shame reactions, usually the Inner Child and Inner Teenager. This punishment/shame loop is an effective way of keeping you safe from moving into your soul bigness, risking hurt/rejection, and is a way to ‘match’ the punishing frequencies around you so that they do less harm. Many Inner Punishers over the years have confessed to me that creating this inner punishment/shame dynamic is the only way to survive it happening on the outside with others (usually caregivers/parents.)
I have discovered that it is one of the MAIN ways that Protector and Punisher parts keep us safe and is actually done out of an intense love for you (even though it can feel anything but loving). It is also a necessary acclimation to the Matrix reality, which runs hugely on polarized energies of judgement of self and others. The Matrix is about division, separation, and push-pull frequencies, so we are programmed and conditioned to them from birth, in addition to our social, educational, and family systems often energizing these frequencies as well.
In the SoulFullHeart process during sessions, we connect with your Inner Protector and eventually your Inner Punisher to create a feeling-based compassionate bridge to them. As you more deeply embody your Divine Self through the process, you are able to truly come to love this part of yourself and understand/feel WHY it has been creating this punishment-shame cycles within you. This allows the Punisher to relax into its TRUE essence of humble discernment and truth telling with love. Also, your Divine Self becomes loving parent to your inner child/teenager, and the Inner Punisher can relax into that as well and stop shaming them, allowing their natural joy, magic, and innocence to express more.
Many healers/teachers also operate from an unconscious ‘fusion’ with their Inner Punisher, which can create ongoing shame loops in their clients/followers. They are sharing truths yet there is a shaming frequency in them that leaves a residue for those receiving them. Usually they have not worked with and connected to the punisher/shame energies within them in a conscious way or unplugged from the judgement Matrix either. This is part of the False Light Matrix in spirituality that can keep it ‘capped’ in polarized energies and abuse cycles between teachers and followers.
I had a very strong Punisher-shame dynamic within me that took a conscious focus over the years to heal, including working with an Inner Mother/Punisher aspect for awhile. I was very self conscious with large amounts of self doubt and ‘drew’ Punishers on the outside to be in relationship with and as my teachers. I now experience little to no self judgement of myself and others in the charged frequencies that I once did, can share my truth/gifts without self consciousness, plus I am surrounded by others and in relationship with a mate who lovingly accept/see/get me. It can be challenging to love these Punishing parts of ourselves, yet with support and some necessary separation/differientation, they can transform to become very beloved aspects of ourselves.
Another Punisher/Shame dynamic can be from the False feminine punisher aspect that we call “Ursula”, named after the evil sea witch character in the Little Mermaid movie. Ursula is hugely plugged into the Matrix, energizing hijacked false feminine/evil queen energies, competitive, jealous, possessive, and very difficult to separate from unless consciously connected to. Through more Divine Self embodiment and connection with Divine Mother, she is able to unplug from the Matrix and express her unique and powerful energies of the Divine Feminine, plus open up more soul access/activation for you.
If you’d like to dive into these grounds in a deep yet gentle way, 1:1 sessions with me or another SoulFullHeart Facilitator are 90 minutes over zoom and start at $77 USD, yet we are open to negotiation around that rate, especially if you are wanting to meet more regularly (which we recommend.) We offer a free 30-45 minute intro session beforehand to discuss with you about the process, answer any questions you may have, and give you a sense of who to meet with and where we would go in a session. I meet with women, as does Kasha….Gabriel and Raphael meet with women and men. There is more info about sessions and each of us at soulfullheart.org/sessions. PM me if interested or email through soulfullfullheart.org.
Here is a meditation to connect with the Punisher-Shame dynamic within you:
Here is a meditation and more teaching about your Inner Ursula with Kasha and I:
I share much more about the False Light Matrix and Inner Punisher in my book Free To Be 5D, available as an audio, ebook, print and PDF editions with links at soulfullheart.org/books
With much love and direct/conscious connection with these aspects, you can experience much more love and compassion for yourself and others….along with healthy discernment, passionate truth telling, soul gift embodiment/expression and loving boundary setting.