(This is Part Twelve of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)
(Raphael delivered the following address on Saturday, May 7, 2016)
I would like to begin by thanking each and every one of me for your presence here this afternoon.
I am especially grateful for your curiosity, your desire, along with your hopes and your dreams.
I called this private meeting by specific invitation to each and every one of you as the personalities that make up what is tragically and all too simply referred to as ‘me’, as if ‘you’ didn’t exist. I know we all too often seek to be seen as one, understandably so, given our culture and the cults we are inescapably a part of, but we are in fact a glorious ‘we’ that I seek not only to address today, but desperately also need to get to know.
I know that you as distinct persons live in me as I often experience two or more of you as a tension or a polarity between two choices or energies inside of me. When I am less present to that tension, one of you willingly and sometimes willfully steps in to hold that tension. Here I again see your presence, your reality, your power, and your being. I could go on with example after example of your distinct and separate reality, but that would be in service only of convincing others, not present here today. You, I sense and feel, need little convincing.
I wonder what it is like being a part of me. I wonder what it is like for you when in my partial or full absence, you are left with doing life as me and in my name. What is it like for you to feel the power of my life; the identity of my life; the realized and unrealized dreams and potential of my life? What is ‘my’ life to you? How much of it is a shared reality of yours and ‘mine’, and in what ways? When and why were you born? Who in me did you rule over or submit to, and why?
Though we share one body, one brain, one physical history, and the illusion of being only one, we are in fact many. We are each different. We are each unique. As the Apostle Paul tried to convey in his teaching about the body of Christ when he said ‘Can the hand say to the foot, I have no need of you,’ we must recognize that we are a ‘we’, both separate, distinct and an inseparable oneness at the same time. Both are true. The folly would again be quite plain if when asked, “How are you?” to reply, “I am doing great. My liver has cancer, but I am just great, thanks.” As Paul went on to conclude: ‘When one suffers, all suffer. When one rejoices, all rejoice.’
I would like to not only recognize the fact of our distinct beings, but go on to get to know and feel the distinctions among us. I cannot say that I know you unless I am allowed and afforded a way to feel what you feel, to see what you see, to hear what you hear. I can no longer overlay my view of life onto you and rob you and myself from the sensational pleasure of mutual curiosity.
If one of you is not well, ‘I’ am not well. One of you, or I, may wish to hide another part of me that is in pain for a variety of reasons, as I know too often is the case for most of us ‘humans’. But let us be much clearer here in this private place than we are in the public place; ‘I’ am not well when one of you, one of ‘us’ is in pain, or disconnect, or has a deep unmet need.
All too often, ‘I’ have presented the conclusive “I am fine, thanks,” in response to an inquiry about how I was doing. I was quick to divert the lie by returning the presumptive non-question back to the other ‘person’; “And, how are you?” We have for so long co-signed this co-dependent perception of self as being a single personality that it is truly stunning that any functionality and sanity remains in us. We have even gone so far to as to culturally outlaw the very idea of being more than one with labels such as ‘multiple personality disorder’. I would like to go on record in this meeting, in this place with each of you present, to say that the term we must now accept into our lexicon is in fact ‘single personality disorder.’ The source of so much of our neurosis and the suffering of people is found here in this denial of being.
Before I wax too strong in my convictions and again fall prey to an old focus on others, I must apologize to you, the parts of me that I present as ‘I’. I deeply and profoundly apologize for my complicity in this appearance of being well when I was not. I was wrong. I am sorry. I am sorry for all the pain I caused to each and every one of you in a multitude of ways that it will take some time to fully feel. I wish to end this cycle now. I wish to take all the time it takes to feel it all, even if it extends beyond this life, or to alternative realities of what I’ve thought ‘life’ to be. I want to feel what you feel. I want to experience life from where you experience it. I must also ask each of you to join me in this apology to one another; to accept the end of this façade along with all of its attendant maladies that take away from our true and glorious wellbeing.
Both I and we have lived a long time in a picture of reaching out to others. I and we identified strongly with attaining a picture of being a leader with influence over others. Here, we felt and thought and imagined would be our fulfillment to the full. Others would convey and reflect back to us our worth, our sense of a life well lived. Today, I am inviting each and every one of you to see that the others I sought to help, that I sought to gain the favor of, are in fact not ‘other’, but WE are the ‘they’ we sought to heal and help. The realization of self that we sought to attain inside of a picture of being a healer to others is now dawning on our consciousness as the realization of our selves. There is no other to heal. There are no others in need of healing for me to offer or affect healing to.
Just as Jesus said, ‘I am the door, If anyone enter in by me, he shall find rest,’ so too each of us must find the grace and power to say the same thing of our-selves. Each singular one of us, in this multiplicity of being, is responsive to and responsible for our own healing. We must each own our own healing. Each one of us is responsible for our own conditioning, our own beliefs, and our own relationships to all of life. Each of us must now find the door to our hearts to search our souls deeply to determine what is worthy of remaining and what must be let go of in the sacred domain of our lives.
What we previously imagined to be the good life of being known by others must now be transformed into the much deeper and more glorious good life of knowing our selves. Our sense of meaning and purpose and gift to the world must also now originate and complete inside of our selves. Our fame must spread deep and wide to all the ends of our own kingdom.
How could I have imagined that we could have been of service to others while there was violence to our selves? How could I have dreamed of a world at peace while our own world was not even acknowledged? I want to sacrifice these imaginations and dreams on the sacred and holy altar of this new calling that is here now. I now know however, that unlike I thought in the past, I cannot mandate anything. I have no mandate today.
I have a desire. I have a dream.
In my dream, I awoke. I awoke to the presence and personality of you. In my dream, I was pierced by acute curiosity of who and why and what you were and are, and will become. This dream has overtaken me. I wish to yield every remaining breath and sunrise to this dream.
I surrender my future to us. I will love you in every breath. I will long to get to know you in every joy and in every sorrow.
I long for this day to begin now.
May we enter a new world now,
world without beginning,
world without end,
Thank you to each and every one of me.
Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: facebook.com/raphaelawen1. Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive some of your money!