By Kasha Rokshana
Sometimes you have to go back into something you thought was over, only to complete it deeper…
My heart aches to be writing about this, but for the last month, Gabriel and I have been separating and completing our Sacred Union romance. We have been in a deep bond for the last decade and have had such profound experiences of both sacred romance and sacred friendship along the way. Each time we’ve gone back into romance together, we’ve entered as new beings, arising anew from the fires of the inner work we’ve been so dedicated to. And, each time we’ve completed we feel like different beings yet again… with more to look at and feel inside and cycles to honour and complete between us too.
As Gabriel shared in his unique way through his beautiful writing which was such a stunning tribute to our USness, we’ve had many different chapters and climbed many different mountains together, inside and out. Without this man, I wouldn’t be me… without having had our connection and to be so blessed with our draw to be around each other and support each other unendingly, I wouldn’t be the same.
It’s been a really tender process for me this past month, to feel my Queen inside of me letting go of a dream… letting go of serving together from an overflowing Sacred Union bond, of what felt like ideals being realized and dreams truly coming true, of in some ways trying much too hard to make this bond with him fit a blueprint of what I feel I truly need and desire to experience in sacred romance in this lifetime and have in many others.
That last piece has taken a while to digest and I’m still digesting it. I’m still struck by my own soul’s clarity about that which has suddenly emerged. And at the same time, I’m SO honoured by what I did get to experience by Gabriel’s side… The tender glances and romantic touches; the way he would care for me when I wasn’t well and I would take care of him; the way we would check-in daily and start our days with each other in our hearts; holding our podcast, the SoulFullHeart Current, as a sacred expression of our union. This has all made it so much harder to let go… but the unfulfilled pieces for both of us need time to be felt and we both have so much more to feel inside as we sift through the ashes of what we experienced (and didn’t) together and inside ourselves while in this bond.
I think letting go of goodness is always the hardest, isn’t it? Knowing you had something SO good, that could have really lasted a whole lifetime (and probably had in other lifetimes), and yet to still feel that crazy-making piece about it not being enough somehow, no matter where we’ve gone inside or what we’ve felt together, or what soul territory was activated and explored. I feel this craziness in moments while letting go of his hand, this dance, his wonderful way of holding me, his enormous heart that I got to experience so intimately. It feels crazy but the surrender deepens still and the Divine within me answers it all with yet more truths and clarity, more being unveiled that couldn’t be seen before, and more arising into who I’m meant to be but couldn’t become while romantically tied to him, for reasons that are still yet to be understood.
I’m grateful, so grateful, for this experience with Gabriel. I feel even my most agitated aspects/parts are grateful too. He gave me a way to see me that I couldn’t have let in any other way and he gifted me with an experience of sacred romance that will always be treasured and tucked away into my heart. I’m also grateful for the bond we’ve always had and may always have that has been here this whole time and that we’ll keep exploring outside of romance.
I love you so much, Gabriel. And I always will. Thank you for everything…
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.