By Jelelle Awen
As some of you know already and for those who may not yet, I feel in my heart to share today that Raphael and I have decided to complete the romantic expression of our relationship and marriage. For the last month, we’ve been living in separate rooms, taking space from each other, and now are living in separate places here in Glastonbury. I am living with Kasha Rokshana and he is with Gabriel Heartman…right across the street from each other, which feels sweet and good to me to have each other’s presence still so close.
This separation process between us has felt both sudden, shocking in moments, and yet also has been illuminating dynamics and differences between us that have been under our relationship ground since the beginning and that were also revealed during another separation phase between us two years ago. It continues to feel clear to us both that there are places/needs that we are not able to transact with each other (even as much goodness and love that we have) and that the this-life/karmic healing we have been doing together as a couple in relationship is now complete. There were edges that would come up in the bond that couldn’t seem to find ongoing and lasting resolution between us, even with the deeper inner places we would access to respond to them.
We have always held our relationship as arising in the moment rather than attaching to a ‘life long or ‘till death do us part’ commitment’ picture and that is serving us now. There has been so much grace and love in the digestion of this completion, in letting go, in processing the grief that moves through in waves. I am so grateful for the love between us that is still holding the space as there is no need for it to collapse or to ‘go away’ in order for us to let go (this is new for me in this kind of completion experience.) There is no need to blame each other or make each other wrong or go to each other’s sides.
I am deeply leaning into this SoulFullHeart process too that is just a way of life for me….allowing parts of me to feel what they treasured in our relationship and also what didn’t feel like it was resonating in other ways, to own and feel with me how my trailing edge was at play and illuminate woundings that still need love.
I am feeling waves of gratitude for every moment during these 12 years spent with this beautiful soul and man, the way he claimed and treasured me in so many deep ways that was way more than I had ever known, and saw and supported my bigness/vision/soul gifts to express. I get to retain all of those gifts in life with him still, plus continue to offer SoulFullHeart with him in whatever ways feel right to us going forward. I keep feeling and being reminded that loss and separation are truly an illusion…that all of us are reunited again eventually on the higher soul realms. I truly feel that about Raphael and I as our soul bond runs so deep and through so many lifetimes, many of which we have been blessed to connect with during this life.
Raphael and I are feeling to still do the monthly group calls together, including our one coming up on the 16th, and be in intimate community together as well. It is just so important to parts of me to maintain that….and we’ll be feeling it as we go. And of course we are both continuing to do 1:1 sessions as that feels like a gift of service right now and activates our I AM divine self as well.
I do feel so much trust honestly in the goodness holding it all even though there have been many moments of very deep grief, sadness, and letting go. I have been letting in Divine Mother’s love and support, and being offered by Her and my beloved guides about my next places of initiation that come out of being alone, being in my feminine, and not in response to relationship/the masculine. I’ve also received so much support from my now sister roommate Kasha and with Deya Shekinah in community as well that has reminded me of so many lifetimes of living in sisterhood goodness embraced by the feminine. Gabriel has been an amazing support to Raphael in so many ways that has helped me too.
I also feel Avalon Herself holding me through this and understand now why we weren’t ‘able’ to leave to travel to Malta as we had previously planned. As the travel plans collapsed around us, I began to feel great relief and joy to be staying here. I am letting the comforting and safe energies of this treasured place support me now. This has been a shelter for my soul during storms through many lifetimes and I feel that same sense of being here now during this completion and also with what is happening in the world right now.
Thank you to those of you who have offered your love and support during this time already and will in the future….it SO goes in and is so appreciated.
And thank you to you, Raphael, for your love of me that runs so deep…the mirror you have showed me of my bigness, my beauty, and my worth when I so needed to see and feel that on the outside. Your support for the expression of my gifts has allowed them to truly flourish and be shared. Your claim of our relationship has been so steady and pure, allowing me to unfold into our intimacy in ways that have brought so many gifts.
Thank you also for your bravery and courage to go so deeply within yourself, to feel the shadows, to feel the fears and pains, and to allow yourself to truly FEEL in the unique and beautiful way that you do. You truly are a King amongst men and I was honored to be your Queen.
I treasure every moment we shared together in love, in life, in service…both the difficult and the joyful, the messy and the blissful. I feel that what our souls signed up for together we have showed up for with so much integrity, commitment, and purpose to it and I feel so proud of that (as I feel the Divine is so proud of us too). I am honored to have been on this journey with you into sacred union experience grounds…and to now be completing together in new ways where love gets to still hold the space as it always has is also such an honor.
I love you, each and every one of your parts, and always will!