The Devouring Mother And The Healing Of The Wounded Masculine

Over the past couple of days I have been digging deep into my fear of intimacy. This was brought up by a recent situation with my beloveds where I was not forthcoming with details that I choose to keep private for now. The theme was about not trusting those that care deeply about me and are close to me. A projection of rejection and maybe even judgement on top of a rebellious undercurrent to feel myself as independent and sovereign.

As deep hurt was expressed by my push away and hiding, I could feel the walls harden around my heart. Feeling a need to not go into what used to be shame spirals. I could not feel myself as separate from it. I was The Wall. Even a voicing of a need to possibly not being a part of community in order to feel my sovereignty. A deep rebellion wanting to have its way.

The rest of the day I needed to feel my push away. This need for my masculine to seek independence from the feminine, albeit invulnerably. This voice needed to have its say. Its resistance. But as I felt more through the night, I knew this was not fully me. Not the totality of my being. As a facilitator, I knew that there is so much more to this, but I had stumbled on something quite powerful and inevitably archetypal.

Later, I heard the term “Devouring Mother” as an feminine archetype. It exploded a whole “new” awareness inside of me. I had recently just drew a further boundary with my biological mother right after a profound session about her very influence on me. As I released that dynamic even further it allowed this archetypal energy to flood my psyche subconsciously. I began to feel more distant and less open to intimate gatherings and connection. The sleeping giant of my repressed masculine was waking, as well as his relationship to the feminine via ‘Mother’.

When being given a choice to go against that communal feminine intimacy I fused to this wounded masculine need to rebel and push away. This is when I could feel the projection of the ‘Devouring Mother’ onto my beloveds. How can Sovereignty live side by side with Intimacy? This is what I wrote about earlier in a recent post about the inherent insanity of a man’s need to individuate from Mom while at the same time returning the bosom of The Mother at the same time. It is fucking maddening!

What I could feel was how my Inner Protector created a wall around this ‘Independence’ from Mom. Fuck all that would try and ‘take’ that from him after just feeling like he gained it. I put all those words in quotes because it is all a dynamic happening within and being projected out. I, Gabriel, could only fuse to the reaction to the projection. I got lost in what Jung called a Constellation. A watershed of unconscious and subconscious reaction.

In this greater understanding of this conflict between Mom and uninitiated son, I could feel how it is all being played out on the inside. The ‘Devouring Mother’ IS my Inner Mother. An inherited version of her inside of me. By taking her out of the Realm of Archetype and placing her as a part of me, I can begin to have a relationship to her that isn’t so freakin’ massive. I get to feel her needs and her fears of intimacy and of losing me as a validation of her own reason to Be. She is another version of the wounded feminine within the masculine that has great importance for us all as men on this spiritual quest and desire for empowerment, joy, liberation, and union.

For me it is a HUGE revelation and one that is just a starting point on this journey of selves-discovery that leads to Self-realization. We cannot ignore the depths to which our mothers play in our male psyche and emotional body. This internalized aspect of her leads us to a more authentic version of our masculinity, our relationship to intimacy with Other, and the Divine Mother Herself.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Shedding Layers Formed Through Shadow Mate Relationships

By Jelelle Awen

Shedding more layers as we move through the 11/11 to 12/12 passageway on an ongoing basis. THIS is a strong and powerful molting process, operating at the deepest levels and layers of our individuated Metasouls AND also our Soul Family Monad Groups. The shedding is of skins that are no longer needed, no longer can be ‘worn’ in a comfortable fashion, no longer fit who we are becoming.

This shedding process is painful at times. Parts of us become necessarily attached to these layers, skins, masks, and protections. We NEED them until we no longer do. As they dissolve away, this is usually in response to loss in our lives, to things that have fallen and given away, to letting go, to separations and to completions. This collapsing of timelines is happening at accelerating levels as we move into the higher frequency 2020 Clearer Living/Loving timeline.

This collapsing of previous grounds is happening in relationships especially, so that we can then see what binds and ties have been there that no longer serve us. Soul Family Monad Groups are shaking out with shadow mate bonds dissolving, along with the previous agreements that held them together. A Shadow Mate is someone who IS in your Soul Family Group, so you are deeply bonded to them on those higher levels. Yet, their purpose is usually to represent your shadow so that you can see it, experience it, and therefore heal it. This can be represented in the usual narcissist/empath experience with your shadow mate holding the narcissist polarity. It is seen in romantic relationships with quite a lot of back and forth, push and pull, and inability to settle into resonant grounds together on a consistent basis (even as there IS love and passion there.)

Outgrowing shadow mates is an important phase in ongoing awakening, as usually the transactability with them is fairly toxic, even as it brings so much growth. Making them a ‘villian’ or a ‘bad person’ in your life though is to miss the bigger picture of their purpose. They show their love for you and their dedication to the healing of the soul family group BY serving in this polarizing role. Someone has to, as it is the experience of duality that allows for the healing of it and return to more neutrality/less polarization. The shadow mates also offer a deep opportunity to move from resentful grudges to forgiveness.

A soul can be a shadow mate AND a light/love soul mate too, especially if they are consciously working on healing their OWN shadows. Letting go of a shadow mate (and this is not just romantic yet also friendship, spiritual teachers/healers, siblings, and other birth family member bonds) is a catalytic death and rebirth process with much to feel in every phase of it. Landing in a place of forgiveness and compassion toward ALL relationships in your life and how they have served you allows for the dissolving of any karmic, toxic binds in your Metasoul that would capitulate the need for Shadow mate-based relationships.

An important phase can be connecting with the parts of you that have experienced the relationship and allowing their thoughts and emotions (no matter how charged) to be FELT by your compassionate essence. There can be quite a suppression of truth telling in these kinds of relationships and a lot of it backed up in the emotional body leading to depression, anxiety, inability to set boundaries, etc. As all this is felt with the parts of you who need you, depression can move to passion, anxiety to trust with an ability to bring your truth and set boundaries.

As you hold a trust and honor for all those souls who have agreed to journey with you, no matter what the experience has been like, you are able to move into a much higher frequency of perspective around them. You are able to communicate with their Higher Self as well, to understand more about the relationship and WHY it was experienced the way it was. Whenever you connect to the higher purpose, so you BECOME it and are able to offer love where previously there was mostly fear.

By understanding, loving, and feeling your OWN shadow more (both from this life expression and especially in terms of your Metasoul’s legacy expression), you don’t need the outside experience of it in the same way. Here is a guided meditation to meet your shadow aspects: https://youtu.be/4VnfgzhzzjE

Much love to you as we continue our journey through the shedding, the sorting, and the forgiving!

Jelelle Awen

I offer 1:1 powerful healing sessions with women over Zoom or here in person in Victoria, BC. to feel into these inner and outer relationship grounds together. More information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about  1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

Energy Update: Moving Through Passageways to 2020 Clear Vision/Living

By Jelelle Awen

Energy Update: The rumblings of 11/11 continue a week ‘after’ the powerful gateway opening. I get this sense of a continuum of gateways with markers starting at 8/8, 9/9, 10/10, 11/11, 12/12 and then into 2020. They form a kind of interconnected HIGHway leading to the HIGHer. Each marker has been a passage, a moving through denser energies in order to vibrate in a higher frequency. This is leading to becoming more porous even as you are becoming more grounded into your body. 
 
You may be settling already into your higher timeline revealed during the 11/11 portal or finding that there are still calibrations and even detoxifications to prepare to embody it more. You may have been prepping for it ahead of time so you could anchor in right away. Or NOW you are being energized by the 11/11 frequencies, they are illuminating what supports your essence and what does not.
 
2020 feels like wide open possibilities, truly anchoring into the New Gaia energies, collectively more and more (at a slower rate of course.) Yet, personally, if you are taking in these words, your rate and pace is ‘ahead’ of the collective. You have chosen to lead and to serve, to show the way, even if it feels murky at times, hard at times, more fear than love at times. That you ARE feeling, that you ARE awakening, that you ARE conscious of the Ascension process that is happening IS your service to others who have not woken up to this yet. In the Quantum field of Oneness, you are holding their awakening until they can claim it for themselves in this timeline.
 
Your willingness to continually feel and heal your traumas from this life and other lifetimes IS your service….not that you are in a perfected, absolute state before you can serve. You being in the thick of it, the process of it, in the transition of it WITH consciousness is showing the way for the rest of the collective, those souls who have signed up to awaken this life especially. You desire to grow fuels their desire to grow and also motivates the rest of your Metasoul fragments to wake up and heal as well (which then leads to quantum karmic healing and completion/resolution of soul patterns.)
 
Your capacity to lean into your own Metasoul, your brothers and sisters from other lifetimes/timelines, and into Divine guidance and love IS your service too. Allowing the unification of your soul fragments to come back together and form a team for you and with you. Letting go of the old way of self sacrifice and tuning into what is actually self loving, comes from self worth, and serves YOUR heart to overflow.
 
We are on our way into 2020….clear vision is possible in deeper ways, in expanded ways, and in ever more embodied ways. These passageways leading up to that clear vision, clear living and clear loving are sacred and important. Allow space for whatever needs to be felt and digested right now….even as tuning into your soul’s higher purpose here.
 
Much love to you as we continue into the prep for the NEW EARTH living in 2020,
Jelelle Awen
Free intro sessions with Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman are available now as a bridge to this life changing and dynamic process experienced through 1:1 sessions with one of the three of us: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

11/11 Gateway: Intention, Intimacy, Indivuation, & Intuition: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Nov. 11, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

Go here to subscribe to receive these in your email inbox EVERY Friday!

In this week’s Museletter, we feature an article from SoulFullHeart Facilitator Gabriel Heartman about what the 11:11 gateway opening is offering us, questions to ask during and after it, and the codes that are coming in through it.

“This feels like a powerful gateway into our next Next. Our new New. All of this is navigable with self-love as we feel all the parts of us in agreement, in resistance, in confusion, and in fear. With this inner connection to all parts of our being we are given the keys to the rocket ship that is made to take us Home.”

Jelelle Awen is leading her next monthly virtual women’s group called Sacred Arising Feminine Exploration (SAFE) on Sunday, December 1 2019 at 10:00am PDT over Zoom This group focuses on deeper connection and surrogacy experience with the faces of the Divine Mother, such as Mother Mary, Kuan Yin, Mary Magdalene, Sophia, Isis, and Dark Mother/Kali. More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/474843500044699/

Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman will be co-leading another Guided Meditation and Sharing Circle in-person here in Victoria, BC on November 18th, 2019 to provide a beginning place and space to connect with your Inner Protector. More information here: https://www.facebook.com/events/453669931909032/

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

There are some new audio blogs this week from Jelelle and Gabriel Heartman. The audio blogs include more 11:11 energy updates from Jelelle and Gabriel about the 11/11 portal.

Launched last week is our weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast with Raphael, Jelelle and Gabriel. The first Podcast is an intro and overview of the SoulFullHeart process. You can watch it on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel or listen to the audio on the SoulFullHeart Soundcloud channel at https://soundcloud.com/soulfullheart.

Raphael and Gabriel, SoulFullHeart Facilitators for men and women, are now offering FREE 30-45 minute intro calls over Zoom to see how the SFH process and ongoing 1:1 sessions may support you on your healing and Ascension journey. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

 

Feeling Your Emotions & Traumas, Not Bypassing Them: SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast #2 (Video & Audio)

Here it is! Our second SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast. Raphael AwenGabriel Heartman and I could have gone on for a LONG time on this topic as it is one very near and dear to our hearts for many years now. We talk about the importance of feeling your emotions and traumas in order to transmute them with parts of you that experience them…rather than bypassing or transcending them. This is a passionate topic for us and a very timely one as so many souls are becoming more aware of this.

We each share about personal traumas that we have transmuted through connecting with parts of ourselves and what we have witnessed/experienced in sessions as well with others. Although there can be fears and concerns by the Inner Protector esp. to ‘go into’ the sometimes very deep and intense feeling spaces that are holding these traumas in stuck loops….we have found that it is ALWAYS worth it to go into it with the part of you (or Metasoul aspect) that is feeling it as that is what actually transmutes it.

You can listen to the audio version of this podcast wherever you want on our soundcloud account…become a subscriber and you’ll be current with all of our weekly Podcasts! https://soundcloud.com/soulfullheart

Here is more of the description:

In this second episode of our weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast, SoulFullHeart Facilitators Raphael and Jelelle Awen and Gabriel Heartman talk about the importance of feeling your emotions and dropping into your emotional body as it allows the digestion of traumatic experiences with the parts of you that experienced them. Feeling your traumas and emotional reactions to them, rather than bypassing them, actually raises your vibrational frequency as stuck traumas densify your emotional body, chakras, and even physical body.

They all share about how working with parts of yourself during 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator creates a safe space where you can feel these traumas again with the parts of you who are living them out over and over….and actually transmute them. Raphael and Gabriel share about specific traumas that they have felt and overcome due to being open to feeling and healing them with parts of themselves, rather than bypassing or transcending them with spiritual attainments, analyzation/mentalizing, etc.

This SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast is offered as a bridge to those of you who may not be familiar with the SoulFullHeart process or us as Facilitators of it. And, those of you who are aware of our work and even connected to us through sessions, may find value in the way that we present the importance of emotional body healing in this video. These Podcasts are offered on a weekly basis on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel, our Facebook pages, our Soulfullheartblog.com and as an audio file on our Soundcloud channel and many others: https://soundcloud.com/soulfullheart.

 

11/11: What Do You Declare As You Enter Into The New?

Happy 11/11 Day!

This feels like a very significant portal day on so many levels. I guess I feel each one is significant depending on what we choose to put into it. Our intention sets the stage. Sets the wheels in motion on the other side.

One thing is for sure, what has not served us before will certainly not serve us going forward. So this is a day to decide what must be left on this side of border. When you enter another country, you have to declare what you are bringing with you. What have you packed with you that you are claiming as you enter?

What you bring emotionally/energetically into the New, can easily become the Old again as it attracts that dynamic, whether it is fear, scarcity, unworth, despair, or anxiety. You can intend on leaving it behind with daily prayer and mantra. That helps to keep mindful of what you DO want and what you DON’T.

But there is also a part of you that holds that energy and needs more than mindfulness. It needs heart presence. It wants to feel connection and companionship. It needs to feel a relationship more than just awareness. So what you can leave at the border is the looping and declare your healing. Once and for all.

This is a Reclamation Day. A Phoenix Rising Day. A Remembrance Of What And Who You Really Are Day. It is the deeper claim of healing, of journey, and intention. As with all growth, there are times when you must let go of all that has weighed you down and prevented your arrival at the Gates of Glory. Today you have only a small backpack or briefcase.

What will you take with you?

What do you intend on leaving behind?

What do you declare as you cross this threshold into a higher timeline?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

11/11 Gateway: Intention, Intimacy, Indivuation, & Intuition

When I closed my eyes this morning, my intention was to feel this upcoming 11/11 gateway. I found myself walking on a path that approaching 4 massive Sequoia trees, 2 lined up on either side of the path. A gateway if I ever saw one. As I got closer to them I could see a word mounted on each one. Each of them started with the letter ‘I’ which I took to represent the number one…of course.

The first word was ‘Intention’. This made sense. What is my intention as I enter this gateway? For as we enter any gateway, the universe responds to what we intend. It wants to know me, you, and all of us more intimately. Our intentions pave the way going ‘forward’ if you will and helps us define an end place, even if we don’t end up there.

My intention entering this gateway is to continue to let go of all the ways in which I have kept myself from feeling and expressing my authenticity.
Who am I in my naked essence?
What leadership is still latent and ready to come onto the scene?
How far down the rabbit hole of my BEing can I shed light on and bring that light into my waking, physical reality?

The second word was ‘intimacy’. I understood that in my heart as “Into me see”. It is about being transparent with what is current in my Being. It is about getting naked with myself and others. Becoming more fluent with my emotional body, my needs, my wants, my fears, and my power. Intimacy is a scary place for our hidden and protected parts. The places that have been comfortable in the safety of anonymity. It is a dance with Trust that brings this nakedness out into the light. I feel one of the biggest fears we all have is that of being seen, even as parts so desperately want to be. Enter the Inner Protector.

The third word was ‘individuation’. This may be more personal to me, yet I do feel how this is something all of us are working on as we make our way through this dimension. In the quest for authenticity and intimacy, we are confronted with the ways in which we have conformed or molded ourselves to be in relation to a particular frequency or relational bind, whether it be social or familial. This search for Self is the search for individuation from what doesn’t feel like us in our essence. It is also a search for tribe that aligns but not remold our uniqueness. This is felt with all the parts of us (Inner Child/Teenager, Protector) that have their own reaction to this unachoring.

The last word was ‘intuition’. This continues to be one that I am leaning into. This inner knowing that feels like connecting more to the feminine within us all. This intuition sees what is not seeable. It knows what is unknowable. It is like following a leaf in a windstorm…you may have no idea where it is leading you until you eventually arrive. It is the essence of intuition to Trust. To go forth against the inertia of common sense while still remaining sensical. My intuition may take me places my Protector/Gatekeeper may have questions about and that is where I get to learn about who I really am and this brave new world I am ready for.

This feels like a powerful gateway into our next Next. Our new New. All of this is navigable with self-love as we feel all the parts of us in agreement, in resistance, in confusion, and in fear. With this inner connection to all parts of our being we are given the keys to the rocket ship that is made to take us Home.

****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Prep For 11/11 Portal Openings Happening NOW: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Nov. 4, 2019)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

In this week’s Museletter, we feature an article from SoulFullHeart Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator Jelelle Awen about the current Ascension energies coming in as a preparation for the portal opening on 11/11.

“The veils are thinner than ever before to allow for this clearer seeing and remembering of these other timelines. 11:11 offers next level inner connection, star family connection, Divine connection in order to connect with others in a flow that is not about self sacrifice yet rather serves BOTH in the giving and the receiving!”

There will be a powerful online Group Transmission with Raphael and Jelelle Awen as an activation of these 11/11 energies. The focus of this two-hour group on Saturday, November 9th, 2019 at 10:00am PDT is to learn more about the Ascension codes that are coming in through cosmic energies (from sources such as our Sun, the Great Cosmic Sun, other Planets/Galaxies, etc.) and from Gaia and Inner Earth as well.

Jelelle Awen is leading her next monthly virtual women’s group called Sacred Arising Feminine Exploration (SAFE) on Sunday, December 1 2019 at 10:00am PDT over Zoom This group focuses on deeper connection and surrogacy experience with the faces of the Divine Mother, such as Mother Mary, Kuan Yin, Mary Magdalene, Sophia, Isis, and Dark Mother/Kali.

Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman will be co-leading another Guided Meditation and Sharing Circle in-person here in Victoria, BC on November 18th, 2019 to provide a beginning place and space to connect with your Inner Protector.

For more information on these events, visit: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

There are some new articles and audio blogs this week from Jelelle and Raphael Awen and Gabriel Heartman. The writings include other energy updates from Jelelle about the 11/11 portal and sharings from Gabriel and Raphael from the SoulFullHeart perspective.

Launched this week is a weekly SoulFullHeart Experience Podcast with Raphael, Jelelle and Gabriel. The first Podcast is an intro and overview of the SoulFullHeart process. You can watch it on the SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel or listen to the audio on the SoulFullHeart Soundcloud channel at https://soundcloud.com/soulfullheart.

Raphael and Gabriel, SoulFullHeart Facilitators for men and women, are now offering FREE 30-45 minute intro calls over Zoom to see how the SFH process and ongoing 1:1 sessions may support you on your healing and Ascension journey. More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Our online shop is open! You can visit it to pay for individual sessions or to attend any of our gatherings, purchase the recording of past group transmissions or pay to attend an upcoming one, or to purchase books. Keep an eye out and your heart open for other offerings in the near future! https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/shop

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

 

Journey Of The Ascending Masculine: Sometimes You Have To Be The ‘Bad Guy’ In Order To Be The ‘Real Guy’

A man’s emotional maturation and spiritual journey inevitably comes to a crossroad with his relationship to his mother.

I write about this today because I was recently contacted by my own mother and could feel the old energies of guilt and shame that underlied the old dynamic between us and within her. These were very subtle and yet not so subtle energies.

On the outside, or from another consciousness, one would view me as an awful son for drawing my boundaries I did years ago and choosing not to communicate unless we were in a similar transactional frequency. This recent message was a clear indicator that nothing much has changed.

The timing was auspicious as well as I had just had a process not just a few days ago where I felt more residual energies in my emotional and psychic bodies in regards to my mother and how her wounding affected me as a young boy and have lived in me through my inner child and inner teenager.

These frequencies of guilt and shame are huge energetic anchors that serve no one’s growth yet are portals into that very thing. The process was to say no more to those frequencies and to feel the part of me that needed to be a bit matter of fact about how it all made him feel growing up.

This is a big part of any man’s journey. Saying no more to what has lived between us and our mothers that has not been healthy. These can be really subtle the more you keep going in, especially when you are in an intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. There is stuff that has a very long shelf life unless we keep up the conscious exploration within.

The dichotomy of a man’s journey is that he needs to seek individuation from mom while entering The Mother at the same time. Moving from one womb to another. This can be a bit of a maddening process and one that I want women to have a perspective on to understand what this is like for the men in their lives. Not and excuse, mind you, just an understanding.

Sometimes this individuation process can come while in proximal relationship to our mothers, and other times it is just not possible. Some of the triggered responses can be how we could do such a thing to someone who did all they could for us and gave birth to us. Therein lies the trap. The guilt and shame.

I am grateful for all my mother did for me, and even in this process, continues to do so. However, birthing does not give permission to retain a free pass into my emotional body. It prevents any of us from arising into the man we ARE and having the kinds of sacred unions with women that no longer perpetuate this dynamic.

Sometimes you have to be the ‘bad guy’ in order to be the ‘real guy’.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Authentic Masculinity & The Return To King

Authenticity and masculinity.

These are two roads that are intersecting for me recently. They are actually running parallel seeking to become one. As my inner work continues with my own personal sessions, I am finding this nexus of authentic, masculine leadership to be my next going on place. It reverberates with a lot of questions and curiosities.

Who is this authentic masculine within?
When has it showed up and when has it not?

These are self-loving questions and not a judgement as to when it hasn’t.

As a man that has realized his own inner feminine leanings, this is sacred ground. I have been feeling my inner feminine, Geneveive, becoming more comfortable in my heart as an integral part of who I am as a man. With this relaxing, the suppressed masculine within is coming to the surface to find His authentic place on the throne next to her.

As with any suppressed masculine, it comes with an edgy, maybe even defensive, energy, as it has not really had much practice being out in the world. As that energy comes into me I feel this a part of me. His name is Sarge (for Sergeant). As repressed masculine, he came to me as an inner punisher. Yelling and judging to be heard. That was a deep process of feeling him and his vulnerabilities and needs.

What I felt recently in my session with Jelelle, was how this authentic masculine energy had been neutralized in protection against my father’s rage and the perception of my mother’s fragility. A dynamic that stunted this initiation into the world. In some ways, at the age of 48, I feel like this is the beginning of this initiation. I had to be with some reaction to that only to feel how this is the way it has just played itself out.

In this initiation, I am dropping this old relationship to Woman (via Mom) and Man (via Dad) to feel what my authentic masculine leadership needs/wants as well as its effect on my feminine and younger parts. It is a process of moving from Knight to King on the chessboard of growth. I feel the kings of my Metasoul eager to guide me and activate me on this journey.

In the past this felt like a scared place, but now it feels sacred. It feels natural and ripe. With is comes uncertainty and unpredictability, but that feels alive to this arising masculine. It is the wounded masculine that seeks order and the known. The true King has the Order within and brings that energy to all that is around Him. I feel Divine Father in this moment than I ever have.

It is this Return to King that I want to make transparent to all the men that feel this in their hearts and souls. It is from this place that I seek to serve and lead. Amen.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.