This past week I have been living in an area of land just outside a village near my soul family of feminines. They live in an apartment together I have been calling the Magdalene House. So, not quite wild camping by definition, but not campground, on-grid camping either. A bit in between. A balance between the domestic and the wild.
Since my recent completion with Kasha, I have felt a need to ‘re-home’ myself more than rewild myself. I do feel a draw to get more wild by going deeper into nature but for now, practically speaking, I need a balance for many reasons. So this itches a scratch and a need.
I have felt a split inside myself between polar parts and aspects such as the domestic/wild, the practical/spiritual, the masculine/feminine, and the calm/passionte. It is interesting when I look at those in this moment and I organize them by what came first and then second I get this polarity:
The domestic, practical, calm masculine vs. the wild, spiritual, passionate feminine.
Now there are other ways to organize this list but this one in particular symbolizes something for me personally. It represents an archetypal pattern inside of myself that has played out externally but is occurring inside of me from self to self.
I feel this re-homing period is about creating a space between these parts, aspects and energies to find a safe haven to come and be felt, seen, heard, and hopefully back into union. Being a part of a sacred union off and on, I have tended to focus on the bond rather than my own unification. I have had a history of care-taking that I am in still in a process around to shift into care-giving.
True care-giving is holding a line of goodness and honesty within oneself to bring an overflow of care, compassion, and challenge if needed. If this is not being felt and intergrated internally, it just doesn’t happen on the outside. It turns into obligation, compliance, and the dreaded care-taking that really does no one any good. It may solve a short-term uncomfortability, but does not address core need and growth.
So this care-giving goes internal now. It goes into feeling and bridging these aspects inside of myself through journaling, inner dialogue, and meditation. It is feeling myself and parts in their needs, truth, and desires in each moment. Any dissonce in my field felt as a portal to this reunification inside.
It is like a zipper. I am sitting staring at one in my tent. These parts and aspects need me to zip myself up into a cohesion. A unified field of masculine/feminine, practical/spiritual, domestic/wild, and calm/passionate. I, as Gabriel, am the piece of metal that bring them together and bond them in union to form a more solid pillar of Self, both divine and human. More real and raw. More me, less other.
This has been an ongoing journey for me that has just taken the time it has and the path it has. Any self-judgements just set me back again. Yet, if they come, I will it with them, honor them, and heal them with Love. I desire that my own journey around this re-homing be an inspiration or a guide for anyone else experiencing the same, especially for men. I know there is lot for us to heal and show up for in this ongoing ascension process that just keeps getting more activated by the arising Divine Feminine.
I am having some more ideas about the different types of masculine energies that live within myself and the collective that I will be sharing soon that may be a marker for other men who may feel the same. It is becoming a deep passion of mine to serve other men on this quest for Self, Love, and Purpose while re-homing themsleves.
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Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
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