by Raianna Shai
Floods through me like a river rushing to feel the freedom of an ocean. Carries me through highs and lows, through desire and anger, through love and loss. Fills the untouched and dusty attics of my emotional ceiling. Transforms blank walls into colourful reflections of my soul. Holds my deepest wants and needs with intention and clarity. Gives me the fuel I need to fly.
Energizes a deluge of self love. Lays down the shield and raises the heart. Turns on the light to reveal the shadows. Lights up from the inside out. Radiates from body to heart to soul to others. Supports the lover to love, the teacher to teach and the leader to lead. Provides the strength to let go of that which no longer serves. Becomes the wind beneath my wings.
Wakes me up in the morning in realness and truth. Wraps up gifts until they’re ready to be opened. Spreads love like a wildfire sparked by truth. Waits to be noticed, watered, and cared for. Remains rooted in the ground, waiting to bloom anew. Supports the human experience. Gives reasons and answers to questions of doubt. Holds me up when I start to fall.
These are the three “P’s” that I’ve been working to unlock. My darkest shadow aspect has been revealed to me as my soul guardian, Pandora. And with her box she keeps my deepest pain, my most intense desires, and my greatest gifts. Up until now, opening that box would mean chaos, horror, loss, and ultimately hell. But with love and growing trust, she’s gained faith in my ability to handle these soul pieces more and more. I’ve felt the fear of dying, the unpredictability of passion, the potential tumultuousness of truth, the strength of power and the nourishment of purpose. I have refused to transcend my fear, but instead to feel its depths and my need for it in the 3D world I chose to inhabit for so long.
I have felt these effects already transmuting into love in its place, giving way to passion, power and purpose. I lived so long in neutrality, acquiescence, and invisibility that was gifted to me by Pandora and my parts in order to avoid the pain that feeling my fear inevitably leads to. Feeling this as a gift has not only fast tracked this process, but it has also nourished the self love inside of me. Of course I want to love every aspect of myself, even those in shadow, because if I can’t do that, how can I truly love others?
My desire for purpose has never felt quite so strong. I feel how even before this process I had a huge desire to heal anyone I could. To give them whatever they needed to feel better or to hopefully feel their pain. After starting this process I tried to give “advice” as best I could but without their desire to go as deeply in as I knew it could go, I struggled to say what they wanted to hear. I took on these energies without feeling myself and had no more room for my own growth. So I stayed stuck in a cycle of needing to be needed. Working with Pandora renewed my sense of excitement in something that helps me grow in order to use my overflowing love to help others in an ever deepening way. I’m so grateful for all that she’s done for me these past 22 years, but we both feel fed up and ready to grow up. Ready to dive into the depths of my soul and catapult into an endless sky of that love that we are.
Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, retreats, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.