Into The Trauma, And Beyond!

By Raianna Shai

Much of spirituality and emotional healing is based on the healing of trauma. From this life, other lifetimes, and with galactic connections. This is probably some of the most important work we do in healing our wounding and growing closer to our essence. My recent process, however, has helped me realize that there IS healing that exists beyond the trauma.

In my most recent session I connected with both my inner protector and a new gatekeeper. My inner protector is the part of me that helps get me through daily life. He is the one that can hold very 3D and physical/mental tasks. My gatekeeper, on the other hand, is the guide I can lean into when it comes to opening out my soul connections and gifts.

As I felt my protector first, he was overwhelmed and trying so hard to deepen my process and make it more meaningful. But deepening my healing isn’t his responsibility. I haven’t signed up for much trauma this life and the metasoul healing I’ve done so far has healed almost all of what I have signed up for. So this part’s job has shifted massively from protecting to resting and trusting.

This new gatekeeper, who I am calling Damien, is a much higher frequency and has the key to unlocking the rest of my soul that goes beyond the trauma. He can show me the gifts, the positive experiences, the magical and deep journeys that allow for more love and cohesion between all aspects of myself.

Going through this process has helped me realize that we don’t just have to be here for trauma healing. We can go beyond – deeper into who we want to be and what we want to build for ourselves. We can grow closer and closer to essence until maybe we are even done coming back as human.

In order to get to this place we must trudge through muddy waters, deconstruct all that we have believed to be true about ourselves, love who are parts once were and dream about who we want to be. We must find the worth, do the work and stay in the room with the darkest and most difficult parts of us. But each ounce of love we take in, each connection to the Divine and each step towards forgiveness brings us through our trauma and into the “beyond”.

Beyond self consciousness, beyond fear, beyond anger, beyond anxiety and depression, even beyond much self awareness at all. The “beyond” to me is pure love, essence, passion and service.

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free intro calls and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Falling IN Love

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

By Raianna Shai

In the past few weeks I have been trying to find the space and time to write a blog post, finding that I have struggled to “force” something profound and meaningful out of me when sometimes just living is as profound as you need to be in any moment. I have so much desire to serve love to others and to share what I learn on my awakening journey. Even now, I have many ideas of what I could write about but the words aren’t flowing as easily as they have in the past.

So as I sit here with an open heart, energy and time, I decided just to write about where I am currently in my life. That is what’s most authentic and flows from my heart with ease.

Right now I am falling in love. With myself, with other, with my life and family. I am falling in love inside and outside. I am growing and changing and facing my fears as much as I possibly can to continue letting in all of this love.

My inner process has been focused on a feminine and masculine part of me who are also learning to fall in love. They both have desires, needs, boundaries and fears. My feminine part, who I am calling Shai, is emotional and passionate and a true romantic at heart. My masculine part, named Michael, is discerning, intelligent and has a gift of holding 3D tasks. Together, they are balanced and full of love. Apart, they are opposite forces working against one another creating fear, anxiety and projection onto others.

Because of the abundance of goodness in my life right now, I have been focusing on these two parts in order to be able to continue letting it all in. It’s easy for parts to get scared when things are going well. In a dimension where things tend to “go wrong”, we can make predictions ahead of time of what may not work or what we might lose. In that, we lose the moment. We lose what we have in the present and we don’t get everything out of it that we could.

I’m working on not expecting the worse. On not bracing myself for the impact of something bad. But first, I feel the parts that do expect the worst and discover why that is. The more that Shai and Michael vulnerably share their fears with me, the more they will fall in love and fall in tandem with one another. That’s when their gifts can shine and that love can be shared with others.

We talk about inner sacred union a lot for a reason. It’s so important to start within. To grow the glow of love so brightly that it shines through every pore and into those around you.

*****

I found this poem from almost two years ago that I thought was fitting for this! It’s from my masculine too my feminine:

I always thought I was different than the other men

More sensitive

More emotional

More mature

 

I thought I was protecting you from the other men

Giving you edges

Hiding your feelings

Numbing your reactions

 

I thought you’d be hurt by the other men

They would crack you into pieces

They would scratch your porcelain skin

They would break your fragile heart

 

But now I see your strength as a woman

Your compassion

Your empathetic prowess

Your stillness and energy, both

 

I thought I could hide you as a woman

Under formless clothing

Under quick-witted comebacks

Under disinterest in romance

 

Maybe now I can support you as a woman

Become the mind to your heart

Become the here to your now

Become the pot to your plant

 

I’m not meant to be your guard,

But instead your partner

Your partner in this dance

Few know the steps to

 

Where our rhythms match,

Our hearts unite

And our souls release the energy

Of every star in the nighttime sky

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

INtimacy over INvisibility

By Raianna Shai

I haven’t written a post in a while as a lot has been shifting and growing in my world. A couple of weeks ago Kalayna and I spent a few days on Salt Spring and just this week we all spent time camping in Goldstream.

One theme that has been popping up a lot for myself as well as my entire community is intimacy in relationships. I have always had this tendency and even desire inside of me to be invisible. I was incredibly shy as a child, I never rose my hand in class, I chose to blend in for any social interaction. I had absolutely no desire to be seen or more vulnerably, to be judged by others.

It’s easy to get into a “mode” in every relationship in your life and it doesn’t take long to establish, even with new people. We find what frequency is most comfortable and what allows us to get along with this other person. What gets hard is when something gets triggered or rubs against something inside of us.

I have found that most people either push away their reactions towards others, judging them as unfair or just not worth it, or they push their reactions on others, without feeling what the impact might be or what’s going on inside of them. Both of these strategies allow us to hide, to put away the deeper and more vulnerable parts of us that go against the already agreed upon frequency that you have established in the relationship.

Parts of me fear that my truth will either end the relationship or deepen it. Both risking being seen for more than my persona. Going against the grain of what is comfortable in relationship is exactly what intimacy is all about.

You tell your truth, as messy as it gets, until one day you are transparent in every moment. Until you have no fear locking you into place and all of your words come from love for yourself and love for other. Until you trust that losing a relationship is okay and deepening a relationship is okay too. Until you are so centred inside of yourself that no level of intimacy can scare you away. Even when fear comes up there is progress and honesty about it all. That is when community can flourish and become something new and never done before.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

The Secret: Feel The Parts, THEN Manifest

By Raianna Shai

**TLDR; I’m starting a project of reading all of the most popular spiritual books that I hear of to learn about what others are taking in so that I can share my own personal take on them. In “The Secret” I resonate with the idea of manifestation and our capacity to draw whatever it is we want. However, I believe that you have to feel the blocks that are in the way and the parts of you that don’t feel your power. They have very good reasons to feel this way and shouldn’t be bypassed in this process.**

I grew up in a spiritual household for a good portion of my life. The sweet scent of incense, the soothing sound of meditation music, a mother and step father that would talk about their spiritual and emotional explorations. But to be honest, I wasn’t all that into is as something to deeply explore myself as a teenager.

By the time I chose to try SoulFullHeart with my family I still hadn’t had a phase of spiritual exploration that most young people have when newly awakening. Because of this I really just have the SoulFullHeart lens that, while it resonates on every level so far, isn’t something that most people know about. Especially people my own age.

So I decided that in order to truly understand spiritual people my age, I could start by reading the most popular books from the classics to the more modern takes on spirituality. I really want to dive into the heart of someone who has a buffet of spiritual beliefs to dive into and figure out how I feel about it myself. So the next time someone brings up “The Power of Now”, I can have something to digest about it.

————————————————————————————————

The first book I’ve chosen to dive into is “The Secret”. I first saw this documentary on Netflix and tried to watch but couldn’t quite get into it. It felt a bit dramatic to be honest and it energized this feeling that this is something that has been taken away from us to remove our power and make us feel like we can’t change every fiber of our daily lives. I do agree that there is a veil in place that stands in the way of the ultimate capacity of our beings, but I also feel that we chose this and that a big part of why we’re here is to heal enough to dissolve this veil.

For those of you who haven’t read this book, the secret they are referencing is the Law of Attraction. It says that like attracts like – which means that whatever you think is attracted to you. If you think that you are poor, you will be. If you think that you are rich, you will be.

My first reaction from a part of me was that this seems very oversimplified. I feel that we have chosen certain circumstances and while we have the choice to heal them or not, some things are just meant to happen whether we think high vibe thoughts or not.

However, I do resonate with the idea that once we find our absolute joy and become more of our higher selves we will draw and manifest just about anything we want to. I definitely believe in the power of intention and the energy of the universe. I also really like that it encourages you to have gratitude for what you have NOW as a part of it all. Gratitude is such an important part of manifesting something new. Where my feelings differ though are how to get there.

“The Secret” mentions a lot about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. While that’s a nice sentiment I think it takes something different and some hard inner work for everyone to get to this positive and joyful place. For me, it is parts work and the process we do in SoulFullHeart. For someone else it might be breathwork or shamanism. I feel that if you can get deep enough inside of yourself to reach the parts of you that don’t believe in your power or joy, then it is a fast track to feeling exactly that.

I think it’s a very empowering and expanding practice to picture and energize exactly what you want in your life. It sends a message out to the universe and it will manifest for you. Not thinking of the how or when but knowing that you can have it. But it’s also empowering to feel the parts of you that just don’t believe, that feel like they’ll never get what they want. Without first feeling your blocks to manifestation with love and trust, you will have a harder time manifesting anything. These parts have valid reasons for feeling the way they do and I really don’t believe they should be bypassed.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Vulnerability In Relationship

By Raianna Shai

I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.

I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.

I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.

But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.

I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!

~~~

In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love

My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
Every bump
Every inconsistency
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface

Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself

You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity

I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Path To Soul Purpose

Your 20s is a strange and confusing time of your life. It’s the decade when you are entering the “real world”. When there are less handrails and more independence. When you have the space and freedom to choose who and what you want to be.

This can be as equally liberating as it is terrifying. So many people I have talked to, including myself, have moments of feeling like they don’t know what they’re doing with their life or where it’s leading.

There’s a new priority these days of fulfilling a soul purpose rather than living out the traditional lifestyle of older generations. However, we haven’t exactly been taught how to find or live out our soul purpose so we have to feel it for ourselves.

It’s easy to see others who look like they have their life “together” and to judge yourself for where you are at. But one thing I’ve learned is that absolutely everyone is going through something. No matter how much of their life is exactly how they want it to be, there are always moments of self doubt, sadness and frustration.

It’s easy to want to hide away from the world because of this. To not reveal yourself or your intentions until you have it figured out. But the biggest thing we can learn from each other is what it’s like to be in process. Vulnerability is about exposing yourself every step of the way in order to let in more intimacy.

We can spend our whole lives trying to be self sufficient and happy on our own but we do this work in order to share it with others. We are not meant to depend on others but we are also not meant for absolute solitude.

We work towards self love in order to feel love for all. We live through peaks in valleys just like everyone else. The best we can do is feel where we want to be, what’s keeping us from being there, and loving ourselves until our shadow can come to the light of day. It is then that we love out our wildest dreams.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Honouring Unwanted Feelings

By Raianna Shai

There are moments when I look outside of myself. When I feel frustration or anger at things I can’t control.

I try not to feel bad about it in these moments. I’m only human and can’t always get to a higher frequency right away.

But I do try and take a moment to feel where my frustration with other is a frustration inside of myself.

What do my parts need? Where am I feeling unloved and unworthy? And how can I fill that void inside of myself instead of waiting for that outside source to fill it for me?

Ultimately, we are always going to have reactions that we don’t want to have. It’s all about treating each feeling with respect and honor. Knowing that each one has its place and value.

No feeling is a bad one at its core. They all lead us somewhere new inside of ourselves. A new sense of self love, a new boundary with others, a new form of compassion for whatever may be frustrating you.

We are here, in this world, in this form, to feel it all. As fully as humanly possible.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Sometimes I Cry

By Raianna Shai

 

Sometimes I cry

I cry for the world, for the fear and the hate

I cry for the constant discord and debate

 

I cry for the children who never have homes

I cry for their feet, and the streets that they roam

 

I cry for the women who feel so unworthy

I cry for the men who are told to be burly

 

Sometimes I cry

For the part of me that never feels right

Who can’t see her beauty or bounty of light

 

For the part of me that can’t let you down

Who loves everyone, but herself she lets drown

 

For the part of me that can’t understand

Why he hasn’t been taught how to be a man

 

Sometimes I cry

Water may fall, but then I find out

That soon after tears, Comes wisdom, not doubt

 

The love will come back in body and heart

And then my cup fills, returns to the start

 

The well of my heart shall never dry

For when I feel sad, sometimes I cry

 

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Gratitude for Healing

By Raianna Shai

When I’m in my daily life, a part of me tends to get caught up in what my next process will be, what seeds I should be planting in order to expand the consciousness of others, how I can bridge this work that I do to people, what outside experiences I can have to be able to progress. But the most poignant and present moments that I have are when I can let in just how much I love what I do.

There has been a lot of conditioning around progress that it can be hard to appreciate and let in the present moment. To bask in gratitude for all that you are, all that you have cultivated, and all that you do for others. It can also feel foreign to really take time to appreciate other souls around you outside of holidays and traumatic experiences. To take pleasure in the simple moments, the little things that you don’t realize make your life just that much better.

Let gratitude fill the spaces inside of you that need the most love, let it fill your heart with the beauty of your life and all that you have managed to manifest in such a difficult 3D based place, let it be the catalyst for loving others and healing yourself in order to serve more and more. I wanted to take a moment for my own gratitude. For SoulFullHeart, for myself, for my community, for everyone on Gaia that strives to heal their trauma, and for everyone that isn’t yet ready to heal at all. I just want to say that I love…

I love how deeply inside of my own world I can go. I love being around others who are so dedicated to understand and feeling their own inner worlds. I love expanding outside of myself and bringing in Divine and Galactic energies to enhance my inner experience. I love what this work does for people and how much trauma has already been healed just by this work alone. I love that we’re moving towards creating a community supported by this work. I love being inspired everyday to feel when it’s so easy not to. I love you and I love me.

What are you grateful for?