Feeling Manifestation As A Birthing Process And Relieving The Inner Punisher

My last two sessions have been very powerful when it has come to feeling the Inner Punisher. This energy is very intense and heavy when fully activated. Judgement swirls inside from self-to-self (or from our point of view from part to part), and it is outward from self-to-other. The outer circumstance is a reflection of what is happening on the inside.

If this is left unfelt, manifestation works to draw this energy in even more. The Multiverse responds. This punishing/judging energy can be rooted in our early childhood relationships, our Metasoul, and/or the Gatekeeper’s relationship to life and people. When wanting to manifest a particular timeline, this part of us can really wreak chaos internally and externally.

However, when you get to truly become acquainted with it (though it has usually been a more masculine energy in my experience), you stare to get an understanding of how much of your life may have been spent in deep fusion to this part. For many of us, it is not an attractive side of us, but has a TON of gifts!

The Punisher (which sounds scary in and of itself) is really a lamb in wolve’s clothing. There is a soft underbelly to all the barbs and jabs. There is a tenderness that I have felt once we got to feel it more. So much of that judgement is being waged against itself and trying to manifest that which is sitting in your Desire Bank, as well as trying to get the hell out of 3D! That is a lot to hold and feel responsible for.

I offered a lot of compassion and love to these parts, along with my facilitants, and when that happened we could feel how hard that was to let in. They are always in a state of outward or inward judgement mode that they don’t feel safe with being vulnerable. The biggest reason is that they are the most tender and vulnerable of them all.

When this part of you gets to be in relationship, they begin to move more into a role of Discerner. It is non-charged intuitive/opinion place that just sees the forest for the trees. When the charge is removed, manifestation feels a lot less like pulling a rabbit out of a thimble, and more like a birthing process. It takes the Divine time it needs to come into this physical dimension. The Punisher almost becomes like the excited partner along the way, seeing what needs to be done next to let self-love be the mid-wife.

We manifest what we need to heal. We give birth to what we are born to share and serve.

I am giving birth to my heart and soul gift into the world with each of these words. I offer my gift with a free Intro Call into how the SoulFullHeart Process can help to heal your Inner Punisher/Judger/Critic. Check out the website link below for more information.

Together we can help to shift so much of that energy in the world into a force of loving change. First from within your heart and then into the heart of humanity.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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Healing Karmic Soul Patterns W/Your Metasoul In The Quantum Field

By Jelelle Awen

Processes have been going DEEP lately, much more into the quantum space beyond where traditional therapies and spiritual practices have been able to go before. Deeper, previously more subconscious layers of wounding and traumas, layers beyond the veil, are being accessed for healing….both personally and collectively.

The quantum love field is expanding all the time to support this next level healing in response to our evolving sacred humanity. This is healing that is possible not just in your current lifetime timeline, yet in ALL of the timelines/lifetimes that your soul has been fractured into as well from the original, individuated soul source of your Metasoul/Monad.

This depth, this deep dive, becomes more possible as the trust in your soul/Higher Self grows to hold the space for it. Your soul ‘takes over’ from your analytical mind and the parts of you that may want to control and manage the process. You more and more unanchor from 3D and even lower 4D matrix reality and into the higher dimensional, quantum frequency field of your Metasoul.

Connected to this field, you don’t have to access every lifetime/timeline in order to heal it. You don’t have to ‘relive and feel’ every trauma that your soul has ever experienced in every lifetime. You don’t have to ‘regress’ into ‘past lives’ right into the most traumatic moments, which often leads to MORE trauma to process (this happens often in past life regressions & soul retrieval as well). You don’t actually need anyone else to put you in a hypnotic state either or any kind of drug or plant to access these other lifetimes. 

Quantum connection happens as you negotiate with your Gatekeeper aspect, who is guarding your veil of amnesia and the timelines/lifetimes of your Metasoul that are happening in the Now. Negotiation and connection with your Gatekeeper allows you to become conscious of the lifetimes that MOST need your attention…..the lifetimes that you’ll get the most ‘bang for your buck’ if you access them. The lifetimes that are most vibrating in fear, pain and trauma (usually associated with killing frequencies). The lifetimes that offer the most reward and gifts if you heal them. 

As you ‘drop into’ and travel to those lifetimes with your Gatekeeper, you are meeting/connecting with your Metasoul sister/brother that is living in them. You form an ongoing relationship with the Metas sister/brother, just like having a bond with a sibling. In this ongoing connection, you exchange soul gifts with each other, you help them heal from traumas experienced in their lifetime, you are able to identify and see karmic soul patterns too. You support them to make more self loving and empowered choices that actually CHANGE the outcome of their timeline from tragic to redemptive. This then changes YOUR lifetime too as you gain access to more of your Metasoul’s pure frequencies.

As you engage in this work with your Metasoul brother/sisters in other lifetimes, you are actually able to identify and then complete karmic soul patterns and themes. This means that you NO LONGER need to incarnate as a soul into 3D and lower 4D timelines to play them out in order to heal them. I’ve been offered that many of us choose to come into this current timeline during Ascension in order to have this opportunity to no longer incarnate into denser realties. In this way, it may be our ‘last’ time of choosing this.

I am seeing this capacity to identify, dive into, and heal karmic patterns in sessions with women that I’ve been working with for longer term now and on a regular basis (weekly or bi-weekly). In the consistent space holding for the SoulFullHeart process, the Inner Protector and Gatekeeper is able to start relaxing and resting more. I feel the SoulFullHeart process and approach to karmic healing is completely unique, powerful, and held with a loving and collaborative energy WITH you.

I highly recommend beginning 1:1 sessions on a regular basis with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator if you are drawn to the kind of quantum healing opportunity that I am sharing about here. SoulFullHeart Facilitators Raphael Awen, Gabriel Heartman, and Kalayna Solais all have space in their schedules and a deep desire to work with new clients. They are currently offering a free 30-45 minute intro call over Zoom to answer any of your questions about the process, etc. More info here about that: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Love is holding the space for the completion of karmic, suffering cycles. Now is the time to experience the power of what love can heal!

There is more in this video about Metasoul timeline portal access and healing with teaching and guided meditation with me: https://youtu.be/9jWgpQbXTZo

Love,

Jelelle Awen

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

Gratitude As A Doorway To Reverence And Abundance

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. It feels different than in the States. MUCH less collective energy to wade through. It has given me the chance this morning to really tap into Gratitude, Reverence, and Abundance. There are so many things that I felt I could right about this morning but this one felt timely. The full moon energy is wanting to open up something for all of us around these tones. 

Gratitude can be a hard one for us to fully embrace. Parts of us can feel how much there isn’t to be grateful for. To give thanks to the universe might be akin to thanking one’s abuser. Without feeling this very real part of us, the authentic gratitude we do have may be a bit shallow in its depths, if that makes any sense. 

When we can tap into that part, the tender reasons can come to the surface even after all the thrashing. It may appear to be an entitled teenage energy or a despairing Gatekeeper tired of holding all they do across dimensions. What is there to be thankful in that?! Being seen and felt in their pain is what opens the heart to that genuine gratefulness. 

It is feeling all these edges where we get to see how authentic our gratitude is. It is not about gauging the level of our appreciation, but just feeling what is real inside of us. When that has space, Gratitude becomes like a clear, gorgeous sunrise after a very long and stormy night. You see the trees, hear birds, and see the light in a much different way. 

This is what then becomes the benchmark for our authentic gratitude. After my last deep process about a month ago, I see the world through these heart eyes. I feel what I wasn’t truly grateful for. What I had taken for granted inside of me. But now the sun is shining again and I see more than I have in any time before. But I needed to go to this place first.  

I am grateful for the Love I am surrounded by, the soul family I am apart of, and the inner world inside of me that continues to grow and be cultivated. I am grateful to be a healer, a way-shower,  a light/shadow worker, a teacher, an ambassador, and a human being. From this place I am lead to Reverence and ultimately to Abundance (more on those in next posts).  

Thank you to all that have followed my heart and words these past 3 years. Many blessings and real love to each of you. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

The Process Of Uncovering Gratitude

by Kalayna Solais

Feels strange and yet somehow ‘right’ to have ‘Canadian Thanksgiving’ tomorrow, even though in my life I feel like on a multi-dimensional level, gratitude is continuing to deepen and expand out from me and parts of me at every turn.

This year, I feel like it’s a time to really, soberly, look at, see, FEEL my life as it is and not force my parts into an ‘attitude of gratitude’ but to really feel them in where they might still be tripping over the whole concept of being grateful and why.

I know that inside of me and in my process over the years there’s been a lot of layers of entitlement to feel and heal. I’ve felt though, with each part that’s had this disposition, that underneath the entitlement is a sense of a lack of worthiness. A sense that they won’t get what they want unless they fight for it and ultimately too, a belief that they won’t actually EVER get what they want and that others will instead.

I’m still feeling into what’s truly underneath that meme that’s been ringing and pinging inside for so long and on a soul level too, yet it’s being uncovered with effort and desire to heal it. And, it feels like this ‘Thanksgiving’ celebration day tomorrow helps to bring in some sort of intention around it… around truly and viscerally healing the entitlement that still lingers and moving it into even deeper gratitude than I already feel.

Really feeling our gratitude is actually quite the process. Any bypassing that’s had to be done in order to ‘get there’ actually just buries the parts that feel like they aren’t getting what they want or even what they need, especially from you to you, you to them, parts of you to other parts of you in their relationship with each other.

There’s a lot to feel about this in the collective too of course, and it’s evidenced by our overuse of natural resources, lack of feeling and compassion towards one another and being competitive instead. Even in our domination of animals. Any sort of ‘Thanksgiving’ holiday is really just another reminder to have a look at all of this and how it’s been configured inside of each of us. What IS your personal relationship to gratitude and how does it live in you?

I feel this question as a meditation for myself… and one that I ongoingly want to feel deeply into as I DO have so much to be grateful for, always. And so much that I have earned through personal process, through ‘crawling through glass’, and also, through following with courage what my own soul and heart have wanted more than anything else. In other words… I think the deepest source of gratitude for anything in our lives HAS to be rooted in feeling grateful, ultimately, for our own journeys and where they have had to go, where they are now, and where they seem to be leading.

Much love to you… and if you’re celebrating this weekend… Happy Thanksgiving! 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Introducing Free Intro Calls!

In this video, I talk about our new 30-45 minute Intro to SoulFullHeart call via Zoom. During the call, we would feel together the most presenting issue that you consider most affecting your current timeline.

As I state in the video these are varied and numerous for each of us. Either myself, Raphael, or Kalayna would clarify how the SoulFullHeart process can support you through the feeling, healing, and transformation of where you feel you need the most help.

Prior to the call you would access your Inner Protector via one of our meditations and answer a few short questions, though they may not have short answers. This helps us orient to you and your emotional and energetic bodies as well as gives us a place to go focus when on the call.

You can go to our website for more info at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions or email us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com to set up a day and time.

Looking forward to meeting any of you who are seeking a different path to healing and seeing the world.

Love,

Gabriel Heartman

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Conversation With 10: The Edge Between Clarity And Uncertainty

Today for 10/10/10 I felt to connect with the number Ten as I did last year with number Nine. I always like to feel how these numbers live in me and what they want to impart to me and those that are reading this. It is a fun and more intimate way to derive meaning and personal understanding. I highly recommend it to any of you that are inspired and interested in seeing what it means for you. 

Me: Good morning Ten. I wanted to connect with you today to feel what messages or insights you could offer me and those that are reading this. 

Ten: Good morning to you Gabriel. I am honored to be here. I feel like I am on tour today. Pretty prestigious event. I forgot my coat and top hat at home. 

Me: Lol! I felt the same thing today. You have a lot of fans! 

Ten: I guess so. I try not to let it get to my digits as I have all the others inside of me to give gratitude for this occasion. 

Me: The others inside?

Ten; Yeah. All the other digits that have come before me. They paved the way here. Each one represents a part of the journey of completion and integration. 

Me: Hmmm…I like the feeling of that. I did have quite the conversation with Nine last year and It was feeling how existential being a Nine can be. On the cusp of great change from one digit to two. 

Ten. Oh, my. I can only imagine. It does feel like a lonely place yet full of possibility. I am fortunate enough to have two parts of me. It’s like I get to have sex with myself. 

Me: What?! Um…Ten, this is a family show here. 

Ten: Oh, for goodness sakes. Lighten up Gabriel. It’s all part of the fun! Look, if you look at me I have a lingham and a yoni, right?

Me: I think I just got cancelled. Yes, it certainly does. 

Ten: So I represent the balance and INtegration of all that has come before me. It is like a giant number orgy in here. 

Me: 

Ten: Gabriel?

Me: Sorry, I am just looking at the Want Ads right now. Integration, balance. Yes. Completion. Oh, this just keeps getting thicker and thicker. My agent isn’t returning my calls. Okay, so we are going rogue here now. 

Ten: Yes!!! Going rogue, man! Let’s find our way into a new dimension of possibility! Let’s move beyond the single-track consciousness of this OR that and move into this AND that. In that inclusion you see a much bigger picture and can let yourself have it all, man! I feel like I want to be like Tom Cruise and jump up and down on this sofa here.

Me: Hmmm…not sure about that reference but I get what you are saying. You are excited. You want to do things that are not predictable and yet you are very predictable as the base of our number system. We can rely on you to be constant. What about that?

Ten: You need to smoke some pot, Gabriel. Get loose. Be free, man. I can do both. I can hold the fabric of your mathematics  as well as I can get jiggy with it. 

Me: Okay, who are you and what did you do with the real number Ten?

Ten:  Lol! Look, I want to unshackle from my current role as some perfect number. Fuck that. Let’s go into the Mystic and see where this rabbit hole takes us. Close your eyes and just imagine ones and zeros. Let them rain down upon you and into you. Let them be like sperm and eggs of consciousness seeding possibility, vision, creation, meaning, direction, and completion. Let those little guys help make big changes. It’s all made up, man. All of it. The Joy and the Suffering. I know that is hard to let in but it’s true. It is all part of this crazy ride we are working out together. It’s not all good and it’s not all bad. The question becomes what is it that you truly want from this existence, for all of humanity. Imagine that and birth that baby, man! 

Me: Whoa….I think I took too big of a hit there Ten. I feel what you energizing and it is working its way through me. I can feel how I have had parts of me feeling like they can’t have what they  want because others don’t. There is still suffering in the world and I can’t be in full Joy and Abundance until others are out of it. That is a cycle that just doesn’t end. 

Ten: Now I think I am feeling that bong rip too. Whew! Yeah, there is a way that each of us need to leave an old paradigm behind in order for others to cross that Rubicon. How do you create peace when you are always preparing for war? I think I am going to cry. Seriously. I am not just being a punk. 

Me: I feel you, Ten. That went deep really fast. I want to let digest a bit. Let the smoke clear a bit. I have no idea what you just brought in the room here, but it was like a tornado. I wasn’t expecting that. 

Ten: Awesome. That is my job. To expect the unexpected. To want the unexpected. To open up to possibility through vision, heart, and guidance. Dance on the edge between Clarity and Uncertainty. The One and the Zero. 

Me: I think I need to go eat something now. You up for some granola and berries? 

Ten: Now who the hell is the Hippie here? Nah, man. I’ll take the eggs and bacon. They look like me. Lol! Don’t worry, hippie. It’s all organic and free range. Don’t get me started on factory farming. 

Me: I have no idea what planet I am on. Okay, sounds good. Thanks for being here with me and I am sure I will have network exec at my door soon. 

Ten. Don’t worry, I will handle him

Me:

Ten: Gabriel?

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Dear Love,

Dear Love, 

 

Who and what are you really to me?

How to I authentically and honestly relate to you?

What lures me and repels me so? 

So many questions that can only lead me on a quest. 

A quest to open the doors that remain closed to you. 

 

I have experience you flood my house

Set my world on fire

And send me to the moon.

I remember how you have broken me open

And invited me to see what I really didn’t really want to see

 

You have felt like a bully, a beacon, an enemy, and a teacher 

To the varied parts of me that have their own relationship to you

But how do I Gabriel see you? 

What does this man’s heart want and need from you? 

 

I want to see you how you see me

I want to feel the breath of your wildness down my spine

I want to hear the whispers and the shouts 

That guide me to places previously feared

I want to touch your sesuality and ecstasy

And taste the sweetness and realness 

Of that which that courses through you

 

I need to stop playing games of hide and seek 

And walk upon your secret garden 

And sow my seed upon your fertile ground

The seeds of my desire, my purpose, my joy

 

I need your help to shine the light upon the places

You have not been permitted to enter

To open up those up so I can let in the love that is meant to find me

To see the world and myself through those very eyes

 

I feel ready to be consumed by you

Ready to be seen by you

To be transformed and moved by you

Even as I feel a quake when I say that

 

This is my meditation

My daily prayer

My devotion to your embodied promotion

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Your Truth Leads You To What Is Honest

Telling our truth and being honest with ourselves can sometimes be two different things. 

Our truth can come from multiple sources, or parts, within us. They may be aligned or in conflict. Truth has power behind it. It can have a force that cleans house and resets the furniture. It has its own volition that is meant to offer a portal into who we really are, even if it seems contradictory. 

When we get honest with ourselves, something else happens altogether. We are seeing ourselves fully. We get to a core place that has a sobriety and a wider/deeper look into our hearts and souls. The pain, the selfishness, the judgement, the fear. When we get honest, not just truthful, we have dug in deeper to pull out something more lasting, more embodied. 

Honesty makes us transparent and responsible for our truth. When I felt to purge my FU’s two days ago, what was I honestly doing? Was I just dumping my stuff or was I genuinely feeling guided to share my humanity? Was a part of me looking for an argument to test the waters of this new ground inside of myself or was there just a desire to be more real with myself and others? 

I feel there is a bit of truth in all of it. That is my honesty. Looking and feeling my truths holistically. It gives me doorways into myself and also the pulse of those that responded. I definitely noticed that women mostly responded. That could reflect my own inner feminine looking for my masculine to arise more in the space. It felt like the masculine in the collective feminine was asking for men to do the same. Just get real, bro! 

What is real for me is such a varied and dynamic thing. Right now I feel softer than I did yesterday, but the caldron of truth still burns. It is meant to integrate into me so I can be more honest. How that comes out will shift and change over time as I feel the deeper layers under the anger and feel the part of me that has been suppressed. 

This is not necessarily new territory for me, but mostly another layer of growth that is looking to express and serve those that it is meant to serve. It is one that I feel we can all relate to, whether we feel ourselves to be easily honest or if it is difficult. What I want to explore next is the ENERGY by which we share our truths. That frequency does illuminate a lot about how we honestly feel underneath the words themselves.  

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Vulnerable Sharing From A Moment Of Deep Tears

by Kalayna Solais

Crying in the moment and I can’t 100% track it, what’s going on behind the tears… but, I thought I’d share and see what is coming through my heart in this moment. Take you along with me. 

IMG_3985

Sometimes there is just so much sadness that comes up in me. It’s not always linked to what I’ve gone through or am going through now. It’s not always connected to an inner process.

Sometimes it just IS. And there are so many layers to it… some of them mine, some of them not so much.

The deeper I feel it… the more I feel the sadness of a part of me coming up, but a sadness in my soul in a ‘Cries of the World’ kind of way, too.

My empath has been becoming even more sensitive than ever lately. The sense of needing the same masculinized protection inside has been healing for years. It’s time to have a more exposed, feeling, feminine heart that doesn’t need protection but needs to vulnerably share and deeply feel.

Beginning new things is always something sensitive for the younger, very feminine parts of me that care so much about being liked, being accepted, doing well… and also care SO much about others, about helping others heal, about having resonant relationships where there is genuine care, and about seeing this world we live in becoming more gentle, more open-hearted and caring, more compassionate, and ultimately much, much safer to live and breathe and emote and LOVE in.

There’s still a lingering sadness in my feminine that my last relationship is over. There’s still a way that it’s just HARD to see the growth that couldn’t happen while we were together. And there’s still so much confusion as to why this has been true. I can feel this aspect’s confusion though… her pain around relating to men in general that some of it stems from and how this relates to her relationship to my masculine inside.

When it comes to men, it’s just been SO hard to try and become what she isn’t in order to get loved, feel wanted, and belong to the man’s world. Often this has meant sacrificing something of herself for the sake of the relationship and keeping it kosher. And over the last couple of months of inner process between her and my masculine aspect(s) I’ve become more awakened to how this dynamic has lived inside of me. How he has caretaken something in her which has kept her small and how she has not been able to vulnerably invite him to actually feel her and meet her halfway in any area so that they can feel each other and really, genuinely BE together in collaboration, mutual respect for each other’s bigness, and LOVE.

So there’s that going on in this ‘now’ moment. And it doesn’t need solving or resolving… just more feeling. There’s definitely some other layer of this inner relationship coming up for me to tenderly feel with these aspects, more push-pull towards each other.

Some of the tears aren’t mine, so there’s that layer too. I don’t mind moving the ‘Cries of The World’ through my heart though. I actually feel honoured when I feel them and when I feel others and their genuine pain. This doesn’t plague me or bother me. The ‘Death Doula’ inside of me can be with the mourning and the sadness and even the frustrations. The frustrations through, because I don’t have many of my own anymore, especially in my masculine aspect, quickly move into the more vulnerable feelings of sadness that are beneath them.

Questions of “Why isn’t there more love flow in this world yet and heart warmth too?”; “Why are Disclosure people so intense still and not seeing how any focus on warfare exacerbates the problems instead of moves it all into new territory?”; “Why aren’t more souls choosing to REALLY go inward yet?”

As I feel my heart ask these questions, I know the answer already… “It’s not yet time… but it will be eventually. And the only thing YOU can do is keep going inward, keep feeling, keep sharing, and keep growing and healing, as you also respond to those who ARE ready”.

So, there it all is… different raw layers coming up on this early, EARLY Friday morning. 

I don’t often share this way because it seems to draw caretaking from others sometimes. I’m sharing this today to show how I process, the different layers I feel going on in so many moments of deep feeling, and I trust that what is meant to resonate and support your own process, will. 

Thank you so much for taking this in as you feel to for yourself. 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Sacred, Healthy FU

Sometimes we just need a healthy dose of ‘F You’. I feel it coursing through my body this morning not sure of its origination. Maybe all this feminine work is gurgling up my repressed masculine. An aspect of my masculine that is fu**king tired of being good, nice, and higher frequency. I have done much better since my earlier days when I would be less than transparent about what I was truly feeling. Mostly the ire would be inward directed toward myself. It still does to some degree but not as much as before.

I got this way from what I feel I came into this world with. A soul history of guilt, shame, and despair. Well, the clouds of those energies are starting to finally lift and leave my field and what is coming up is the energy that it had always suppressed. The anger, the ugly, the raw.

So I avoided it my whole life in order to f**king care-take my mother who instilled me with fear and anxiety about life and other people. A fear that if I got too real that she would drink herself into oblivion. F You!

I avoided it with my father out of an existential fear as a boy that I would not survive the following five minutes afterward. F You!

I avoided it with my sister out of protection of her own rage toward life and a scalding criticism of my masculinity. F You too!

I avoided it with my step-father lest I got the stoic shut-down or a call to the mental hospital. And my step-mother for her rage against anything that came out of a man’s mouth that might be construed as anti-woman. F You both!

So from there the relationship to any man or woman was a combination of all these things. I was drawn by women who wanted the nice guy in their life for once, but then would lose interest when that very thing became not enough to sustain or interest. I need to say ‘F You’ to that too! I have my own ‘F Me’ in that to own too. I was a coward and couldn’t get to my f**king truth to either complete or move the relationship deeper. So in purgatory I sat.

With men, I feared getting into an altercation and being called out as a list of unmentionable words that cut to the core of my unworth. I was only in a fight once and it just took one punch and that was it. I projected my father onto many, if not all of them.

Well, f**king no more. I feel this part of me tired of that shit. It may get a little ugly at times but I guess it is better than managed. I am over-experienced in apology so that won’t be an issue. I need to work on being less apologetic even if I am in the ‘wrong’ for a period of time. THAT, to a part of me, would be progress, believe it or not.

Thank you for taking this in if you did. I feel changed already inside of me. I feel many of us could use a healthy ‘F you’ to help clean out the masculine pipes so feel free down below. I feel it is the most spiritual thing we can do if it authentic and real.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

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