Premise 13: Feeling our healthy human suffering is necessary

By Raphael Awen


Welcome to mega day 13 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

I know today is meant to be a big day of realization, and so I’m going out on a limb and calling it so. I’ll need your help though to make it happen as our energy co-creates more than we realize. We’re again going to enter conceptual ground today in search of heart ground, where a deep feeling doorway is opened out for us to feel together. Let’s see if the mind can surrender us to this doorway.

Thank you for pausing with me on the premises tour for the past few days as I was in what felt physically like a bit of a flu or a cold, but energetically and emotionally was a love bath awakening experience for me, that I can’t quite explain, it also feels important to not hide it either. I trust there’s some new energy here as a result for this and the remaining premises.

So today, we’re talking about suffering. Every spiritual path under the sun offers some explanation of the cause of suffering, from which and for which they offer a solution. SoulFullHeart is no different in this respect. My point though is about how far reaching this conceptualization of suffering and its cause is in any spiritual practice or healing modality. The suffering picture defines the healing picture. ‘Problem, reaction, solution’ is the lens we see so much through as everyone from sales training personnel and conspiracy theorists point out. This has to do with how we are wired. We want to find problems and fix them in our dualistic reality.

I’d really like to get to the root of our suffering and find a way to fix it, wouldn’t you? Pardon me for the ‘fix it’ language. In one way, you need no fixing, and perfection is found in imperfection. In another way, I very much want and need growth and change. Both are true.

Let’s have a look then at SoulFullHeart’s ‘Cause Of Suffering Premise’:

“What we refer to as suffering is actually about an unhealthy suffering over healthy human suffering. To be human is to keenly feel and in this way, to suffer. Unwillingness to have a personal relationship with this inherent vulnerability of being human manifests in the fear of love; lack of individuation; the illusion of the separate self from Self, Others, and God; and by not seeing the bigger soul reason behind healthy human suffering.”

In other words, you don’t suffer, rather you suffer over your suffering. Big difference.

Let me try and explain. (I feel something I want to get at today and feel together with you and I’m still feeling it and finding the words as I/we go. I feel like we are all learning together, even if I assume the role of teacher and you of student in this moment.)

To be human is to feel. Most of cultured human life, not in our essential expression, but rather in our fear-based strategized approach to living life is about not feeling. Pretty much any and every aspect of life can be and is related to medicatively as a ‘feel good’ drug used to not feel deeper realities of human vulnerability. Healthy, normal, good things in life are used every day as drugs to not feel, and in this way, constructive things are actually destructive in our lives.

You, as an embodied human, have deep needs. To fully live your human life requires beginning with feeling your needs. If you are willing to feel your needs and your vulnerability to those needs, then you are in other words dependent on something larger than you for your fulfillment, at least as how you define YOU most of the time.

I don’t grow my own food, build my own shelter. The money that I use to buy things I want and need is energy that comes to me by exchanging my energy with others energy. In this way, I am far from complete in myself. The love I experience with Jelelle is a projection of my self love, yes, but it just isn’t the same without her as a projection screen. To be human is to be in want and need. To be in want and need is to be in suffering. This is healthy human suffering. Hence, most people’s entire relationship to life, at a deep fundamental level, is about not feeling human vulnerability, or about limiting these feelings as much as possible.

It hurts to suffer. It hurts way more, however, to suffer over our refusal to feel our vulnerable human suffering. In this way, we are suffering over our suffering. I’m offering to you that what we call human suffering and all of its manifestations isn’t true suffering at all, but really about our refusal to feel our truest humanity, which is vulnerability. You are human. You get to hurt. You get to suffer.

When we refuse to feel our vulnerability, life brings to us jacked up expressions of suffering in the form of painful life circumstance asking us to get in touch with our humanity, i.e. feel our needs. Our refusal or inability to feel our human vulnerability leads to suffering over this vulnerability and that is the shit that really fucking hurts like hell, way more than the grounded suffering of being human.

Life and love are all conspiring to bring us back to the love we are and are expressions of.

If all of this is so, why would we wire it up this way, to suffer needlessly? Aren’t all of us looking for an easier way? Wouldn’t pragmatic selection help us find this easier way? How could we have missed this?

But, I say, we aren’t missing this, are we? We are looking at it right now. Holy shit! Could we be looking at something brand new? Others may well have said it before, but it’s still new to you and me and we for sure missed the memo if we are still stuck in suffering over our suffering! Right?

And it’s precisely this propensity to suffer over our suffering that we collectively aren’t getting yet, except in very small doses, which led us to create a garden with a pretty, but effective fence around it called SoulFullHeart.

When you elect to stop suffering over your suffering, people get mad and you will need a fenced garden to hold the energies you want and keep out the energies you don’t. You’re going to need to create a garden of your own, or come on and join us in creating one.

Let’s let this sink in for now and come to the rest of this premise next day.

Thank you for being a fellow ‘wonderer’ in this tour and you can take in my writing on the other premises on this blog. You can also find them by scrolling down on my personal fb timeline.

If I can directly help you in changing your relationship to your suffering, here is my/our sessions page at

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information. 

Premise 12: Collapse of Our Industrialized Way of Life Is Part Of A Death-Rebirth Phase

By Raphael Awen


Good morning and welcome to day 12 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

Today’s premise is one that is challenging to relate to. It is about the deep changes underway to our industrialized way of life. How we get food, water and energy is undergoing massive change.

Here’s the premise called the Deconstruction Premise:

“Our current industrialized way of life that provides food, water, and energy is collapsing, leading to massive change that is part of a bigger picture phase of deconstruction, death, and rebirth.”

Talk about a shift in premises!

Everything our current collective way of life is premised upon is based on cheap fossil fuel energy. Food from a store, water from a tap and gasoline from a gas station are all most of us have ever known. And it can’t continue the way it has. We’re literally running out of gas.

So severe is what we are facing that the shifts and changes in our environment point to the possibility even of near term human extinction.

SoulFullHeart has no interest in making a case for what we are going through, but rather seeks a way to hold what we are going through. Many of us on the planet are feeling these deep changes and many are offering all manner of responses, in order to prepare for the chaos to come, and really, the chaos is already here.

We recently made a big life change in leaving Canada, leaving careers, and moved to Mexico to live off grid. We did that for 18 months and just recently came back to living in the city of Puerto Vallarta. The changes we made had a lot to do with responding and preparing for the changes we saw coming.

Talk about a changing premise though. Like I said at the outset of this journey, a premise is not something written in stone for time and eternity. Far from it. A premise is simply a statement of what we currently see as foundational to how we are responding to life. We always need to be willing to let go of a premise or have it overhauled just as much as we are saying that the premises of any community need to be transparent.

We wrote an entire book on this premise called Living As If less than 2 years ago, and have since made the book unavailable because we shifted so much from where we were when we wrote the book.

Now, we still see the massive changes underway. We still see the need for preparation to be way more about inner preparation of the heart, like we wrote about in our book. But something deeper is shifting for us. And it’s a bit difficult to describe, but let me try.

When we feel a mental, in-our-heads approach to life, we will never be able to find trust and rest. No amount of external preparation for any coming storm will ever be enough. Even preparation of the heart is called into question, as much as we advocate for that. The bigger piece is the frame around how we relate to life itself.

Many and most may be simply not meant to weather this storm. Many are meant to lose their physical lives. Loss of life as we see it through our 3 dimensional mind-body perception of life is not how life itself sees life. Life is energy and there can be no loss of energy. Energy is ever and only changed, but never lost. There is no such thing as loss of life, in this sense that lives beyond 3D perception.

There is no avoidance of change. We all will go through great change. We are in fact in it right now. In another way, we have always been going through great change. It’s just that a time of much more sudden change is upon us.

Accepting this, coming to terms with it, is about adopting a reverence for what we have right now, and being fully present to the moment. Being ‘present to the moment’ loses the air of being a bull-shit new age quote card for Facebook, when a doctor tells you that you have less than a year to live. We are on notice that life as we know it isn’t going to remain. We’re welcome to get another opinion, ignore the opinion we got, or just increase the dose on our meds and hope for the best, but in all of these options, we can’t escape choice.

We’re living collectively in a hospice moment. Hospice is where people live who are expecting to die. Where did we ever, even in good times lose sight of death? Now, nature itself is gifting us with the awareness of our own demise that is way more immediate than our own death of old age.

Even near term human extinction feels like a real possibility.

When we feel this, it changes everything. It gifts us with a deep exploration of what really matters to us, what we want, what we are playing with that we need to get serious about.

Life is asking us to ‘quit fucking around with your heart and soul’ to those of us that feel this urgency. Many are not feeling any kind of such urgency and I feel, they are not meant to this life. They are on their perfect and chosen path, and trying to get them to resonate with me and my choices is a waste of energy and precious time (even the illusion of time is a precious commodity to us that consciously want to heal and grow).

What is actually collapsing is something deeper than our industrialized fossil fuel-based way of life, though that is a part of it. What is really collapsing is a way of seeing life itself as a three dimensional reality through the body-mind perception.

We are in the midst of a great and inescapable death and rebirth. None of us can escape no matter how great our preparations. We are being invited to see ourselves now as heart and soul beings who are energy, which energy manifests in human form, which form is undergoing collapse and rebirth.

See if you can feel that for a moment, because the mind doesn’t do well with this. Feel it, and then feel your intuition guiding you to your individual choices that are unique and sovereign to you. There isn’t any cookie cutter advice here when it comes to what to do. Doing is what is collapsing. Being is what is arising.

I’m going to pause on saying more around this premise, because it feels like less is more here somehow. I invite dialogue as always and I invite your direct contact if you’d like me or Jelelle Awen to hold space for your personal process around any of this.

Our sessions page is here if you want to read more about how we work with people:

I’m honoured to be present and living in hospice with you. I want to live and live fully, now.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.

Premise Eleven: Healthiness And Balance Are Expressed Through Seven Key Areas Of Life

By Raphael Awen

wholepersonWelcome! It’s day 11 of the 21 day SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour. As always, you can catch up on all my writings on our premises or on my FB timeline.

Today, we come to look at a true panorama, in the ‘7 Areas Of Life Premise’ and at first it might look like a mental assessment, but as we behold the view, I think you will be surprised by magic and mystery….the magic and mystery of YOU.

I’m very glad to have your presence on this tour and I feel it as so much more than us as simply a writer and a reader. We are co-creating something new in our exchange of energy together……where you, me, and the world we live in is forever changed.

This is a profound truth that it only takes one to change the world because in essence, we are only One. On a certain level, there is only one of us, and you are that one. I am that one. You and I get to play with individuality inside of our utter and complete oneness. You and I get to play with healing as well as wounding inside of our utter and complete wholeness. The outcome is so secure and only love, that we are now free to feel every insecurity and hatred that lives in us or our world around us. Our guarantee of outcome allows us to have process is how I like to feel it.

Today’s premise can help us with this. It goes like this:

“SoulFullHeart offers that the natural state of what we call the sacred human self or who we were meant to be in our authentic expression is one where all of seven key areas in our life are expressed in a balanced and healthy way through feeling your parts or subpersonalities and how they relate to these 7 key areas: emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, social, financial, and environmental.”

We identified these seven key areas as a looking glass to look at our lives from a wholistic perspective. This arose from feeling how so many therapeutic and spiritual practices and healing modalities seeming to excel in some areas while leaving others unaddressed. We are identifying them as separate areas for the purpose of evaluation, but in reality, there is not any compartments that these areas actually exist in.

Compartmentalizations are just that; mentalizations of compartments that aren’t actually real. A person with cancer in their liver can’t claim that they ‘are doing just great, it’s just my liver that has a problem.’ So, we see that when one of these areas is hurting, ALL areas are hurting, because we as a sacred human are an expression of them all simultaneously.

Let’s take a look at each of them for a moment.

Emotional: What lives in your feeling body? How does it feel emotionally to be you? Is flowing self-love truly your waking reality or only a distant dream? Are there struggles with undigested hurt, anxiety, depression, shame, control, rage that trigger you in relationships with others and with yourself?

Spiritual: Do you feel loved by a source beyond you? Do you feel a part of that source? Can you access a spiritual domain that feels real to you? What about spiritual guides who long to supportively and lovingly show you the way?

Mental: Do you feel you have a mind that serves you, rather than being limited by the mental five sense reality picture. Can your mind serve you and the world around you with the creative heart and soul gifts that you have to give?

Physical: Has your spiritual focus left the body behind? Are you in love with how you look and feel physically without being into an unhealthy narcissism? Without physical vitality, can you be truly vital?

Social: Can you truly and freely be and bring your truest self to interface in your social world? How much of what you truly are is edited out of your social interface by a part of you in an effort to keep some love-crumbs in your life? How do you define ‘relationality’?

Financial: Are you able to draw what you need and want in life? Has your pursuit of money become a tyranny in your life that affects the health of all the other areas? Does scarcity or abundance reign in your life?

Environmental: Do you live in the illusion that there is any separation between you and nature? Can you feel that you are literally a part of all that is in nature. Can you feel the great struggles in nature that we are a part of as we wrestle with industrial society’s effect that now even threatens all human life on our planet?

Asking ourselves these tough questions in all of these areas allows us to see what a part of us doing life AS us, has literally put off our radar. SoulFullHeart holds that any health in one area at the expense of another area isn’t true health. Efforts and focus in one area at the expense of the other areas is a strategic compensation for unfelt pain as well as to keep the pain in the subconscious.

None of this is bad, but the loving efforts of a part of us to make life safe, when it felt anything but safe.

Through questions like these, we start with bringing pain to the surface as we are able and willing, at a pace and rate we can bear, to be with and feel that pain. Feeling our pain is what moves and heals pain.

Pain is a loving signal in a loving universe asking for our attention. Any routine to not feel pain only ensures that pain will get stronger and louder in our lives. Even perceived disasters like cancer in our body are nothing more than loving signals asking for our attention in a totally loving universe. There is nothing to conquer or beat. There are no enemies. There are only things to feel. Things like financial disaster, social collapse, our environmental collapse, a spiritual dead end, deep rooted painful emotions and reactions, are all and only things that are asking us to feel. Nothing more.

Feeling changes everything.

As you enter conscious and loving relationship with your parts and their needs, you find the door into each of these seven areas that is beyond just one more self-help project to prop up some lacking area in your life. While all of us have a leaning to improve our lives and embrace healthy change, SoulFullHeart points us to the deeper underground of what underlies the lack or habit we want to address. In this way, we don’t ‘construct’ our way to health, by adding more discipline, routine and regimen in our lives, but instead ‘deconstruct’ our way there.

We uncover the things that are covering our spring-loaded and already-present wholeness to emerge. It does take work and choice and focus, but these efforts are held in an authentic self loving deconstructive discovery picture rather than powering through another personal power routine held by a controlling part of us seeking to attain or make life safe through attainment.

A part of us can then go on to have healthy attainments to feel their new arising authentic power, but this is very different motive ground from paving over pain.

I, or part of me more accurately, was quite shocked to find that amidst my self perceived functional lifestyle and habits and disciplines, were entire subpersonalities within me that were completely in fear, shutdown and even nonverbal and preverbal contraction. I was given a way and support to meet them, feel them and watch them totally transmute. I can’t describe the magic of the unfolding and the ongoing-to-this day unfolding changes that came about as yet another part of me holding personal pain is simply felt by love.

If you’d like to talk more about any of this, I can join you probably in short notice today on Skype, or messenger. Let’s roll and see where life wants to take us. You’ve got my number, and my heart is open to you, and desiring to serve. If you’re a woman, please connect with my beloved Jelelle Awenthrough her FB and both of us via I celebrate your choice to reach out.

Why wait another minute? The point of this tour is YOU, not the tour!

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information. 

Premise Ten: Radical Self Love Comes From Embracing All Aspects Of Ourselves

By Raphael Awen


This is day 10 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

Today we approach the truly mysterious and magical, but I’m not sure I can do anything more than point you to it. It will be up to you and your soul….what you feel, what you sense if you feel drawn to open this one out for yourself and your selves.

Today is all about you. It’s the ‘Self to Self-Personhood Premise.’ And it goes like this:

“The SoulFullHeart process offers a growing sense of true, authentic, even radical self love, a self to self relationship that comes from embracing all aspects of ourselves from which our spiritual awakenings and explorations can arise from. This growth of the ‘personhood’ ground of our being is a critical piece that we feel has been missing from many sainthood and sagehood paths.”

There’s a new ‘hood’ in the hood and it’s called Personhood.

We’ve known the Sagehood (nondual) awakening paths (primarily in the East) of the awakening and enlightenment of the mental body. We’ve also known many Sainthood paths to awaken the spiritual body. But the missing hood is Personhood, the awakening of the emotional body and the heart chakra.

This hood changes everything. It’s absence has made for all manner of abuse, while its presence opens the door to finally holding our heart and soul growth explorations in a manner that truly serves us without needing to subscribe to more and more denial and devotee zeal to hold our ‘deal’ together.

Through getting to know parts of ourselves or subpersonalities and feeling what they are feeling while they are feeling it (i.e. in real time), we create a space for our parts to feel ‘felt.’ In the absence of our parts feeling felt, we, as a perceived single personality, are left holding all manner of unaddressed charges, complexes, reactions, and undigested traumas. Our life as we know it is actually one big ‘acting out’ to the degree our subpersonalities, as living beings and energies within us, are left unacknowledged, denied, and disowned.

This picture radically alters your life as you open more and more to getting to know, feel, and respond to the needs of your parts and it is truly magical. I discovered this work in a group I was previously a part of and my entire relationship to life shifted in a dramatic way and ongoing way.

With our parts left unaddressed, every spiritual practice and healing modality that we engage in is a compensation to significant degree to cover for the deep unmet needs in our personhood domain.

We are spiritual beings, yes, but we express and relate to spirituality through our current expression as a person…..a human being. Human beings FEEL. Human beings have different needs than spiritual beings. Denying your humanity will only serve to suppress what you actually chose as a spiritual being choosing to inhabit a human journey.

Many spiritualities, when you feel into them from this lens, are designed to get beyond your humanity out to where the good stuff is. Being human is seen as the problem. The prescriptions of what you need to do and apply are endless, all in the goal of attaining or becoming something more than human.

SoulFullHeart feels opposite to this in that the portal into all your innate and magical spiritual access is already inside you, but buried. It’s not buried underneath your humanity, but buried under your unaddressed humanity. Coming to this ground of discovering your subpersonalities is really the only healthy ground to explore any spirituality as a human being. Angels may do it differently, and you even may be an angel, but you are in a human experience and expression at the moment.

Thank god for personhood arriving in the hood. Again, I’d love to help you get started in this exploration path. It’s self validating and opens out as you go. I invite your contact. Let’s get started.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information. 

Premise 9: Union With The Divine arises through direct communion and healing soul wounding

By Raphael Awen


Ready for more…

It’s day 9 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

I truly hope you are enjoying this ride. I know I have been. I trust you wouldn’t be hanging around unless this was not only holding your interest, but calling to you personally in a deeper way.

That deeper way, whatever it is, is really the point of this whole tour. Like a song that fills the whole temple, and leaves you and me both utterly undone, that’s what I long for. Why settle for anything less? What that looks like and how we walk out our connection is all up to our choice, desire, and co-creation. I know I am called to create something stunning, that gets attention and changes the world as we know it. I can never do that alone, so then the vulnerable romance beginning question is ‘what do you feel called to?’

Then as we get to know each other and feel drawn to one another, what comes in some form or another, is the tender ‘I like you, do you like me?’ admission and question. Now, if this question could only be conscious, up front, while feeling it deeply and our replies equally as intentional and conscious, feeling-based and emotionally honest as possible! Many times, it takes years and deep process within a group to fully process our attraction and our lessons in a community.

I’m a leader in this community called SoulFullHeart. My heart has been broken open in several communities this life, in communities that sustained and ones that crashed. I can’t guarantee where this one will end up or how it or you will fare in it, and because I feel that absence of a guarantee, and how gutsy a thing it is for all of us to trust again to lean into community, it makes me want to give you this premise tour as plain as day. Eyes wide open and all of that…

I call it magical and mysterious, and I hope it is that for you on one level, but for the part of you who won’t be wooed by magic and mystery, I offer the clearest statement of our values, beliefs, and picture of things.

Now, hopefully, we are a few steps closer to truly getting real. I want to extend to you a foundation strong enough that it could eventually move you to being a part of life here with us in community, even leaving geography to join in, and sharing in the giving and receiving of this work according to your souls deepest calling.

Okay, that opened out the tour picture didn’t it? Took me 9 days to get there. I’m not really that interested in helping someone sort out a few emotional and spiritual problems. While that is a way more fun pastime for me than other things, what I really want is alive community.

I hope you do too and this call strikes chords in you that ring and ring and ring some more.

Here’s today’s premise called Union With God-The Divine Premise:

“Union with the Divine, in both dualistic and non-dualistic forms, arises through direct communion without a middleman, negotiation with parts, and healing soul wounding and conditioning leading to increasing sense of the Infinite Love that we are sourced from and our essence as a fragment of God.”

The short story of this one is that SoulFullHeart sees and has a rich God picture. Both Jelelle and I have had a strong sense of a God connection this life and SoulFullHeart reflects this. It’s kind of funny, trying to define this in a premise. I feel divinity itself smiling down with one eyebrow raised as we do this.

I’ll take the bait and play the fool.

We see that our essence is as God connected as we ever can be, but our experience and expression is an awakening process around all of this, and a personal one at that. So then it’s a picture of getting to know what you already have in a never ending deepening way.

Try and define that.

The only definition you can give is to live it out and experience it out into life, and I’d like to add, with others.

We see that the distinction between nondual and dualistic God realization paths are a smokescreen because all of us are inseparably both expressions. I am duality and nonduality both ‘expressing’ and ‘essencing.’ If that point is of interest to you, I wrote more about it here in my Golden Earth blog series.
If the whole dual/nondual distinction question hasn’t arisen for you yet, trust that for now.

We see the end of the ‘middle man’ in our God picture. Whether trusted spiritual teacher, guru, or what have you, everyone of these are a projection screen holding your bigness until you are ready to claim it back. If you can’t stop yourself from doing that for now, best make sure they are worthy of keeping your deposit in trust. But between you and God, there is no broker. It’s God and You, that’s it. And in another way, there is no distinction even between you and God. ‘You are God out Goddin’ around,’ as Yeshua likes to say.

Which brings up guides….we find it easy and natural to connect with guides as we heal the blocks withholding our effortless spring loaded and natural relationship to spiritual guides. Angels, daemons, Ascended teachers, Archetypal energies, departed loved ones, the list goes on. And ‘you’ don’t need to go into hiding to be some pure channel.

When we find the parts of us and their individual relationship with the Divine, we ‘defuse’ from a singular ‘I’ voice in relationship to god and now we can find the parts of us and their distinct feeling tones. You may well and probably do have very devout parts of you, Catholic even, and other parts of you that want nothing whatsoever to do with God. It is in this array and our acceptance of it that our true connection with the divine leaves the flatline labels we identify with and something alive either explodes or opens out into our experience.

As we get to know and negotiate with these parts of us, soul wounding that before held sway over our conscious relationship with God, now opens out to vistas you had no conscious clue existed. I say that because it was true for me and it is still true for me. I know what I’m talking about and I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. It’s all near as I can tell until I can tell some more, and then it’s up to you to see if your truth resonates with mine or doesn’t. There is no ‘absolute truth’ God picture in SoulFullHeart. Hallelujah and Praise Allah!

We are in something Infinite when we talk about God or love. Talking about it or describing it falls so short of being it. At least we can try and talk about the limitation of the limitation. Whatever description we can make about relationship with the divine, it may be true, and it’s limited, both. I love that. Anybody talking about God is a fool, when it can only be experienced and let in.

We are God trying to describe itself, so here even God is the fool along with us, out seeking to know, to play, to learn and unlearn. I’ll take that any day over religious devotion, duty and obligation.

My day awaits and so does yours. We’re just goddin’ around.

See you tomorrow?

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information. 

Premise 8: Union With Others Arises Through Heart And Soul Resonance


By Raphael Awen

Good morning, and Welcome to day 8 of the 21 day SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.

Today we make a fools attempt at beholding the spectacular, and then trying to describe it.

We’re attempting to use words to describe the undescribable.

Maybe this whole Premises tour is a fools game. It feels vulnerable to share with the world a claim to seeing something others haven’t yet seen. It may lead to experiencing more with others or it may just lead to hurt and rejection. But isn’t that the essence of vulnerability; a willingness to be hurt, to feel hurt?

But hurt always takes us somewhere eventually…

For me, it’s been a long road, but that road is now about how I’ve started a club, given it a name, and like every club, there’s a few rules to belonging. Here though the rules are not about sustaining a sense of superiority, but rather about sustaining a fire for this new something. And they’re not rules in the sense of what is allowed or not allowed, but instead about a looking glass, without which this something new cannot be seen. Others may see it as I see it, which would be wonderful and validating, or they may not even raise an eyebrow, which would hurt.

But this hurt is a pregnant hurt, leading to more, not less.

Leading with vulnerability on your own defined and chosen path, while fully owning your truth, no matter how different or resonant with mine, is something I feel we are utterly already One in. You and I, if we are to grow, must now choose, and make ourselves vulnerable to our choice. In that, I feel a deep Oneness with you, even if our chosen paths are far apart.

Ultimately, we’re in the same fools club, no matter how different we look and feel, and no matter how much we even may be repelled by one another. We are already One, and it is because of this inseparable Oneness that we can safely fully explore our paths, even if divergent, knowing that in the end, we all converge on the same prize.

I like knowing I’m a winner before I even start out. It fires me to give it all I have, to live out loud, and be at rest at the same time.

Now, let’s take a look at today’s premise called the Union With Others Premise:

“Union with others arises through heart and soul resonance in non-codependent relationships, relating through parts reality processing within monogamous romantic union, and within SoulFullHeart Community.”

Union, though it is something we all already are at core, it is also something that arises experientially for us or simply doesn’t. Heart and soul resonance is what draws us together or repels us from being drawn. That’s the simple truth of any relationship whether healthy or unhealthy. Healthy and alive union, like the kind we are wired for in our potential and that SoulFullHeart reaches for, is a never-ending, deepening reality that is sustained by resonance. Where do we get that kind of resonance that will support this?

My truth is that while people have not discovered their subpersonalities in a rigorous commitment, these living beings inside of them, are quite literally, a mess of parts. I can feel in someone a resonance over here and a strong kick over there. I can feel a potential I am drawn to along with a dissonance that tells me to keep a safe distance. This is because we all have wounded beings inside of us who until they are discovered and healed can only trade in pain and hurt. It’s all they know. To these parts of us, they often turn to the presently popular ‘all love and light’ variety that is about transcending real pain, rather than healing it.

We are simply not ‘all love and light.’ I’m not, I can tell you that much for sure. And I feel a ton healthier just saying that. My love consists of light and shadow. I am too big a soul to exist only in the light.

Now we get to truly enter non-codependent ground. You are responsible for your own growth and letting in what is love in your life and saying no to what isn’t. No one gets a ‘stay in your life card’ for ever, or even for a moment unless they are willing to serve real and honest love, and the wrestling matches that will be part of that. Only as we come to the self-to-self love we described in yesterday’s premise can we get very far in transactionally healthy self-to-other love. Ending codependence begins inside of us. We end the wars inside and peace then reigns outside.

In romance, SoulFullHeart offers a monogamy picture. I must admit, my second chakra has gotten excited about the idea of a time to come in our evolution when we could have healthy poly-amorous sexual bonds, the idea of multiple lovers, but then I promptly lost my erection at the idea of being one of several men contending for one woman. It feels true that only monogamy can hold the rigours of having heart open and vulnerable love, heart, soul and body. There is a way that in relating deeply to one woman, that I am in relationship with ALL women. True sex, fully with one, is sex with all. That I trust will satisfy any polyamorous leanings in me for now.

Another big piece we see in this premise is that the kind of Union w are talking about happens in community. None of us were wounded in a box and none of us heal in a box. By community, we mean doing life together more and more in an arising way that serves our individual growth. Being ‘apart from you’ moves to being ‘a part of you’ as we find ways to go deeper into life together as a true heart and soul family.

I’m not so sure that I succeeded in showing you the spectacular as I said at the outset of today’s tour. Maybe, it wasn’t mine to show you that in words today. I was only meant to show you the utter folly of trying to show you that. Maybe, it’s for you to see through your own sovereign being, resonating with my sovereign being however that happens for you. Only you can see your own when it reveals itself to you.

I hope I pointed you in a direction of your own truth. It’s only your own truth that would draw you in resonance to see mine, and then we could share that magical ‘holy shit’ spectacular moment. Yes, even the shit is holy. I say that with reverence for the depths of the pain we’ve all experienced.

So, welcome to my club where only sovereigns can belong, where only autonomous souls who possess enough of themselves to join that possession to a community, where love flows only by personal ‘want to,’ when and how it does.

I’m going back to this deep rest I feel inside today that just can’t get too worked up trying to get anyone to see something that isn’t already natively in them.

Again, I welcome and look for your words of feedback. I hold myself to account for how this landed in you. And if you would like to read the other writings on our premises here.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.

Premise 7: Self Love Arises Through Deconditioning, Individuation, and Differientation

By Raphael Awen


Are you ready to go on a moments notice?

Welcome to day seven of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’ We’ve weathered yesterday’s storm and it looks like some very calm sailing ahead today. You can read the writings I’ve done on the other premises here.

Today, we’re entering the waters of Union With Self, or intimacy with self.

Here’s the Union With Self Premise:

“Union with Self arises through heart and soul consciousness awakening, which includes deconditioning, individuation, and differentiation. This leads to the formation of what we call the SoulFullHeart Self and the state of SoulFullHeartenment.”

Until a deep and abiding union and intimacy with self arises, it isn’t actually possible to have any real union with others, or with life, or with the Divine. Nor is it even possible to know to any significant depth what love is. It all begins and ends with self love.

But, what is this so called, ‘self-love’ really?

Careful how quick you are to answer this question, because a flippant answer in the discomfort of the question can leave you missing out.

Certainly everyone has a concept and even a felt reality of what love is and feels like to some degree. But, until intimacy with self is the portal through which love is experienced, one’s love experience is seriously limited.

Love enters the self and is then expressed through the self. The self is the receiver and broadcaster of love. You can only give what you have and according to the degree that you have, out of the overflow. Moral injunctions to love one another were a great social idea at one time, but now, we are awakening to the futility of seeking love from empty vessels under obligation. Most would agree on these points.

Love is one thing, but what is this self-love that I speak of? How do you know you have it? Is there some measuring stick to locate and measure progress in self-love?

What does it feel like most of the time to be you? To be in your skin? In the face of challenges, great or small, can you find deep and abiding rest?

How does love move from you to you if you are only one? Are you supposed to jump up and down to shake it loose to get it to move to produce some kind of desirable chemical-like reaction inside?

Take all these questions along and let’s feel them together as we go.

Love is a relational flow. Like a valentine, It takes more than one to have a ‘to’ and a ‘from’. Love flows from one to an other. This is profoundly true also of self-love. Self-love is the source of all love in fact. I know of no other way for this to be real other than through getting to know parts of yourself or subpersonalities and their love needs. It is the parts of yourself that hold your pain and wounding on both soul and personal levels.

Many people have worked hard to attain a state of having it all together, and by that are very predisposed to maintaining their emotional equilibrium and consider themselves as knowing and having self-love, given their ‘having their stuff together’ and being some kind of functional exemplary human. I offer that these souls are actually the ones in greatest need and the farthest removed from actual self-love. They need to remain aloof from their own pain and wounding held by parts of themselves in order to keep their gig afloat.

On a more accurate level, these souls have actually had their human life hijacked by what SoulFullHeart calls their Protector-Controller part of themselves and this part has taken up doing their life AS them, and there is largely no authentic self at home, except for a part working too hard at being authentic.

Coming into this new ground of self to self love takes a heart and soul consciousness awakening that is profound and deeply life altering to see the self through this perspective and yet, in another way, it’s so natural and truly effortless compared to the ton of effort it takes to hold what I call our ‘single personality disorder’ together.

To take this road, there are some ongoing requirements however. To get started, you essentially only need choice. To continue, there are some ‘pay as you go’ realities. First up is being comfortable being in a continual place of deconditioning. We live in a conditioned world, and entering a new one involves deconditioning from the old one.

That, of course, is all part of individuation and differentiation. You can only decondition to the degree you are ready to individuate. The collective isn’t going to pat you on the back for long for striking out on your own path, particularly when your path steps on the toes of their path.

Here’s a secret though. Individuation and differentiation do not begin with you and the world, or with you and an other. They begin with you to you. It is only as you get familiar with parts of yourself and the very different relationships to life they hold that true individuation and differentiation can begin to occur. Without this piece, it is a part of you having the differentiation and individuation experience.

It is only as your authentic self, that we call the SoulFullHeart Self, arises into life getting to know, and mediating life’s reality for each of your parts that a new and unheard of relationship to life comes.

Without the SoulFullHeart Self available for your parts, it’s like being one of large group of siblings and a parent present who can’t see your differences, your unique gifts or your unique needs. Essentially, from the perspective of a parts reality, you are not seen at all. Then all there is left is to form a reality of existence that can function in the absence of love. This is where are parts are anchored until we show up for them in this new way.

When you do begin to show up for your parts as a loving parent, you magically transmute into more and more of your authentic self, not only who you would have been without wounding, but the healed self is so much more because of the wounding. It is only the broken heart that knows Infinite Love like no other.

Loving and living life in this frame leads to a non-static ‘state’ that we call SoulFullHeartenment. It is full of movement and deepening and abiding self-love. It is your souls ‘home and native land’ that it hasn’t ever actually experienced or known before. It is totally a creative place.

If you’ve done enough reading and want to get on with a process to live your way into this place, let’s talk. PM me and let’s find a way forward. If you’re wanting to keep window shopping, please, enjoy and take this in as fully as you can. Tomorrow’s tour is about Union with Others and the next day’s is about Union with The Divine. We have another 14 days worth of touring to go with lots more to feel together.

Thank you for your being and letting me take you on this journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.

Premise 6: Healing Of Both The Heart And Soul Are Crucial

By Raphael Awen


Welcome to day six of the SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour. Please go here to read all of the previous premises and they are all here on my timeline too.

Today, I’m afraid we begin in earnest sailing into some rough waters and it won’t be an easy task. I assure you, there will be no loss of life, but there will be loss of connection I fear, and quite possibly some very deep rooted anger.

I still feel it will be magical and I’ll tell you why…..right after I give you today’s premise called the ‘Heart and Soul Consciousness Premise.’

“Consciousness awakening and healing of both the heart and the soul congestions are crucial for SoulFullHeartenment, development of the SoulFullHeart Self, and for intimacy with Self, Others, and The Divine.”

Whenever we make claim about any path and choose that path, we are choosing distinction and separation. ‘I did it my way’ is our double-edged sword of growth this life. We all need to individuate, but none of us wants to lose love and connection. None of us wants rejection. No parts me of like being rejected.

We may be metaphysically all One, but practically and experientially speaking, we have individual paths to take in our path to individuation. I feel that while Oneness and individuation are magically and paradoxically both true, they are also loaded with a deep antagonism and fear. These powerful energies, while normally seen as negative, are actually a gift to us to discover new depths of stuff that are off our chart and only now beginning to be seeded into wider collective consciousness.

Therein is the magic I speak of.

Let me take a step here into my own individuation, as well as this fearful antagonistic ground I speak of. I personally believe I have something to offer packaged and labeled in something called SoulFullHeart, that even people who self identify as ’emotionally mature’ or ‘spiritually attained’ haven’t yet dreamed of, let alone seen or felt the territory of. I choose my words as carefully as I can to say this, but my individuation would be dis-served to say it any softer than that. Saying it any softer would not be my truth.

If my statement above begins to stir some anger in you, I get it. My words can be felt as degrading to a sense of yourself that a part of you holds dearly as true. I am saying there is something more, and you haven’t seen it yet.

I could be wrong, and would actually welcome being wrong, but I don’t feel I am. It’s been deeply lonely to parts of me and a total back and forth path to continually rise to my own truth, while it has also been deeply fulfilling.

If my words of personal claim do stir anger, please hang in with me, without suppressing any of it for my sake. Let’s see where it wants to take us today. We are co-creating this ride.

Possibly it is this strange reality itself, that individuation occurs in a container of our inseparable Oneness, that offers us our greatest gift as well as our deepest challenge.

Where did we ever get the idea, that we would get anywhere by all being in cookie cutter agreement with each other? That can’t even be rightly called child’s play, for children make no pretence around ‘getting along’ in this false way. We’re going to need to go to the heart of our differences if we are ever going to find the heart of our union.

The key point and claim that SoulFullHeart offers in this premise is that collectively we have not yet had a spiritual practice or healing modality that accesses heart and soul wounding to the degree that subpersonal access and the SoulFullHeart Way of life does. This statement could be technically wrong if a healing modality has arisen that I simply don’t know about that equals or supersedes what SoulFullHeart offers, but it is a true statement of my truth to the best of my current knowledge.

This strong of a statement has the power to either make you mad or glad. Some, well rooted in their identity would find this claim preposterous and totally narcissistic. Others, who feel they have tried everything and all but given up, and only willing to lift a finger to something that feels real, and passes their bullshit detector are rising in a hope of possibility about now.

Here is our point of anger and separation. Here we are left to go our own way. Here, our choice creates for us our sacred path. What is intimacy, without Divorce? Both are sacred, as infinite love expressions out seeking to know itself.

SoulFullHeart teaches, and it is my personal experience, that the magical key into our spring-loaded essence is through the door of our heart and soul wounding. That which was seemingly meant for your destruction and pain, and so extremely avoided, is in reality, the portal to your greatest fulfillment.

We are so predisposed in our spiritual practices to do the opposite where healing is about the goal of no longer feeling pain. We want to do anything but feel, when the truth is, only as we are willing to feel, can we ever truly heal.

As long as symptom abatement is enough and qualifies as healing for you, my truth is that you cannot enter the ground of the infinite largesse of your being. You are energetically sealed off from your bigness, and a part of you has it wired up this way for deep and understandable reasons.

This premise goes on to speak of ‘SoulFullHeartenment’ and ‘The SoulFullHeart Self.’ Both of these terms are terms we simply made up to carry a new energy that we want to distinguish from other terms. The term ‘SoulFullHeart Self’ has a lot of resonance for instance with the way the term ‘Authentic Self’ is used, but there are significant energetic and emotional differences sufficient that we felt a new term was warranted for the new energies we are bringing.

I said more in the first few premises about the specifics of what we mean by our chosen terms of SoulFullHeart and SoulFullHeartenment and the SoulFullHeart Self and I refer you there for that clarity. The pieces about intimacy with self, others and the Divine are coming up in the next three coming premises. I invite you to stay tuned for those.

About now, given that I am advocating for something radically new and labeled as such, I am feeling the tension of, on one hand, standing for my truth while not using that as a defense to vulnerable relationship, and the tension on the other hand of not claiming my truth in the hopes of maintaining my relationships with others, and ending up with nothing of true value. Isn’t this the crucible we all have to face in the journey to individuation in a container of Oneness?

I am eternally grateful to have people in my life, some of those I am called to enter intimacy with, others I am called to differentiate from and they provide the grist of separation which my growth requires. In the end, I am you, and you are me. But claiming that, as a way to avoid our personal differentiation makes only for a way to stay stuck rather than grow. It doesn’t actually work that well in the end because the universe is wired only for growth. It’s ultimately only a matter of rate and pace that your soul is ready for and wants.

This anger we felt stir earlier……is it still here? Has it shifted?

I trust it. I trust it wants to sort us out and help us find our way. I deeply want to find the resonant souls who deeply want to join with us on a very specific and even exclusive path. (What path, if it is in fact a path, is not exclusive?) I also want for those not in resonance to be on their sacred way. Hence our anger found its way, didn’t it, to our mutual path of individuation while being inseparably one?

Thank you for reading, and more so for feeling this riding and being in on this tour. I look forward to your comments and reactions.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.

Premise 5: God Is Everything And Everyone


godsurrenderBy Raphael Awen

Welcome to Day 5 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour’ for the awakening heart and soul.

This is a tour of the 21 Premises that make up the emotional and spiritual consciousness expansion work called SoulFullHeart. It’s an opportunity to find out what’s at core of this work, and to feel how that resonates with what’s at your core, or doesn’t. You can read all of my writing on our premises here.

If this is your first day, jump in, and again, welcome. Pick a seat that looks like it has your name on it. I see several that you might like. 🙂
In the four days we’ve already toured, we’ve covered some really important stuff, but you can jump in here, and you’ll know if your drawn or not to go back and read those days.

Today’s premise is called the God Premise. And it goes like this:

“God/The Divine is everything and everyone; each of us is an expression of It with no being any higher than any other. Realization of our God self expression is the ultimate goal of our life and incarnational cycles.”

Possibly nothing is as life shaping as ones’ God picture. We all have one, and no one has any absolute truth on it. Claiming absolute truth only makes you an absolute fool in my view as only a fool can’t see his own lens with which he looks at all of life, thereby rendering any absolute truth he may be looking at, subjective.

This is my current God-picture. It may well change and when it does, I’ll be the first to admit that. I feel this picture more than I believe it. Like everything else I’m saying in this tour, none of it is more than ‘near as I can tell.’ It feels real to me. It is what is moving through me currently as in an electrical energy current.
Let’s take a look at it.

Like we said the other day, everything is energy, and here we’re saying it a little differently. Everything is energy, and all this energy is God. There is nothing outside of God. Even the so-called arch-enemies of the Divine are all within the Divine. All energy is also love’s energy.

This God energy lives in every cell of your being, in every thought, desire, joy, and sorrow. You cannot become any more ‘God’ than you already are in the sense of your essence. Essentially, you are as ‘God as it gets.’ Experientially, however, you and I have a long road ahead of us, as this God-love energy is Infinite. It doesn’t have a beginning or ending, so actually the word ‘long’ in this case is a silly word, so forget I said, that if you can.

I’m liking the idea though of a never ending love journey without a destination. It’s admittedly a bit hard to grasp, but plenty of fun trying.

How about this next piece? No one or no thing is any higher than the other. Whether Hitler or Mother Theresa, all are equal expressions of God in some way that I don’t care much to explain as much as I care to feel it. God (good) and Devil (evil) are all part of God. Both provide contrast and duality as part of God out seeking to explore its Infinity. A never-ending task, but one with many both joyous and painful discoveries.

Much like you actually. Shadow and light both. Joy and sorrow both. Love and hatred both. Until we come to terms with our God picture, we cannot come to terms with a self picture that does us any good.
Leaning on seeing yourself as only a love and light being makes for a really tiring and ungrounded spirituality, as well as making you essentially non-human, uninteresting actually, and without a way to grow. It takes light and darkness to grow.

God is both.

Realization then is this manifesting in awareness what you are. This awareness shift then real-izes one step further shifting and changing its expression in matter. As what you actually are in essence remains unrealized in your day-to-day expression, it is just that, not yet real on your experiential level, even though it is true on your essential level.

This awareness expansion that births essence into experience is the underlying everything in the universe, continually redefining what even the universe actually is.

It’s a vast unknown picture, and our attempts to describe and define it must continually return back to a reverence for Its unknowableness.

I’ve enjoyed a relationship with my beloved Jelelle for eight years and I feel how much, on one level, I have no clue what I’m doing or what I’m in.

That feeling is the awareness expansion. It’s knowing you don’t know that leads to more knowing that leads to more reverence of not knowing. Voila, never ending. (Want a boost in your sex life, try that on for size.)

Whatever is real underneath the often debated idea of incarnational cycles, I see it as simply your soul essence in this never ending God realization. Our ideas of past, present, and future seem to have infiltrated our ideas of past, present, and future lives. Some feel we may in reality be living all of our lives simultaneously in parallel universes. I suspect something like that to be more accurate than our time-illusion-based picture that comes from our current collective consciousness. All I can say about that is get ready for sudden changes here because we are in epic times of consciousness expansion, both collectively and personally.

As you shift in consciousness, you shift unmistakably in the energy frequency you broadcast at and receive at. You become unrecognizable to yourself as you see yourself as ultimately part of the unknowable. You are so NOT John Doe who lives here and does such and such for a living. My God, what pathetic attempts at self description we’ve come up with in the face of our infinite unknowableness!

All of this is a process. I feel that there isn’t a single moment when you ‘pop’ into some place of full enlightenment. Scratch the surface on any community espousing those instantaneous enlightenment pictures and you’ll find all manner of abuse underneath the lie.

You’ll have many pops as you go. I hope you’re having one now. Many manageable and self-loving nervous breakdowns as you leave and enter new virgin territory.

That is my picture of an alive human. And all of nature resounds with it. You don’t need to believe it. Believing is mental. You can feel it with your heart.

Well, how did this tour land in you today? I invite your commenting and connecting.

Jelelle’s Comment: I didn’t grow up with God…in a religious sense, no sunday trips to church, or prayers over the dinner table. Yet, the Divine was always in my heart and in my soul…I found It in nature, I found It in expanded consciousness experiences in my 20s, I found It eventually in the form of a beloved Divine Mother and also Divine Father energy…..and eventually I found It in Oneness and All That Is in tastes of experiences.

My connection with the Divine has deepened over the years and been quite personal in certain phases when I needed that and more universal when that was what I needed. I feel god forms to what we need in the ways that we need It. I have long felt that each of us a spark from the heart of the Divine or a fragment of the Divine expressing as a human being with none of us being any ‘higher’ than any other, even if we are in different phases of our soul consciousness evolution.

There can be much that blocks our felt sense of ourselves as a God spark and a visceral, personal experience of the Divine. These blocks need love, can be healed and when felt, move. Different teachers, different paths, different phases….same destination of reunion with the Divine.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information. 

Premise 4: You Are Made Up Of Many Subpersonalities Doing Life As A Singular “I”

By Raphael Awen


Today’s going to be a main course day and a look at an amazing parallel universe. Welcome to day four of the 21 Day SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.

Today’s premise is not only going to challenge traditional spiritualities and therapies, but a lot of modern ones as well. I say that up front in the hope that that draws you in rather than scares you off.

Eleven years ago now, I was at a place where I felt clearly done and bewildered with every spirituality I had ever encountered. I simply could not stomach the levels of denial and pretence that were inherent in the cultures I had been exposed to. This led to a deep search and ultimately to the creation of SoulFullHeart.

SoulFullHeart is a full meal and today’s premise takes us to the main course. I invite you to feel this premise deeply to feel if it is for you. All of the other premises are in support of today’s premise.

I’m really hungry to find those of you this resonates with and to help you cross over into this parallel universe. It’s simply too good to keep to myself, and I want the feeling of it expanding out into others hearts and lives. I feel clearly that what I’m sharing with you today is ahead of what any other spiritual and emotional healing practices have to offer. I know those words can sound superiorizing, but they are my truth. I would be dishonest to hide my conviction from you. Again, it is my hope that my claim excites you more than distances you.

However, I acknowledge that what I’m offering certainly won’t be welcomed by everyone and I feel that my outspoken clarity on what I feel SoulFullHeart is, does help people to sort out for themselves early on if they are drawn or not. I feel an urgency and I want to serve it. All that said, I’m really glad to have your interest, your inquiry, and your hearts desire finding its way. I sincerely hope you find my conviction about SoulFullHeart inviting rather than distancing. I deeply need and want others in my life.

Let’s dive into today’s premise.

Premise four is called the ‘Parts Reality Premise’ and it goes like this:

“Rather than just one singular “I” in charge of life, SoulFullHeart offers that we are made up of many parts or subpersonalities (both those in outed expression and those in shadow) formed primarily through undigested traumas that can be integrated and healed into an authentic, sacred human self called the SoulFullHeart Self.”

Jelelle and I have recently written a full article on this premise and I feel to refer you to that article for the complete teaching about the SoulFullHeart Subpersonalities Healing Process here.

I will go on then to speak here in this post to my personal life change since embracing this premise.

Let me see if I can feel back to the ‘I’ that led my life 11 years ago and channel his voice from that time:

“I feel myself to be really well adjusted to life and way happier than most people. I fell myself engaged, growing and in many ways content. I look for the life lessons in my problems and welcome the change that even crisis brings. I’m a family man in a long-term committed and fulfilling relationship. People around me look up to me in many ways, and rightly so, I do have a lot to offer.”

That was how one part of me, who was a deep outed expression of my life, saw and related to my life.

Now, let me see if I can channel the voice of another very different part of me also present at the same time and feel the contrast. This voice was way more subconscious and was only found through keen desire and choice, and the aid of a subpersonality facilitator and a process.

“Life totally sucks. There is no reason to live. Nothing ever works out. I hate God for putting me through this. It just fucking hurts like hell when I feel it, and then all there is, is to feel it some more. Life is so boring. People are so uninteresting, but then who am I to talk. I just want to fucking end this shit.”

What a surprise it was to find both of these voices were true inside of me, and the relationship they had to one another. One was very much outed and one was very much suppressed, but they were in a deep dance with one another, with no other me to show up for either of them to shift or mediate their realities.

When I got around more conscious people, my positive and outed personality leading my life had a tinny ring to it and was off-putting to them as inauthentic. When I hung around people who felt less conscious, this version of myself leading my ‘me show’ was well liked and even applauded.

It wasn’t actually until a few years prior to this time in my life that I had any conscious feeling of depression or grief in my life. I related respectfully to others who were depressed, but simply had no reference point for it in my awareness. I looked into some natural medication and went to a few counselling sessions, but mostly I was helped and relieved by taking it easier on myself, not hiding what I was going through, even finding some deep tears over an un-grieved loss of a romance from a relationship 19 years prior. “Okay, survived that pretty well, I’d say, I even feel more opened out to life, to smell the roses so to speak,” was again the voice of this part of me doing life as me.

That, however, did not touch what was really buried inside of me inside of my subconscious and in the shadow of my soul. In actuality, it served to bury it further. The ‘I’ leading my personality expression in life was a deeply strategic energy, seeking to gain what it knew as love and approval, and avoid rejection. This version of me was very busy doing everything it could to keep other subconscious parts of me from derailing the whole deal he had worked so hard to establish and maintain.

I know your story specifics are different than mine, but my truth is that the polarities inside of you are very, very similar.

I went on in my process to become deeply familiar with parts of myself……one, two, or even three parts at a time who held deep feelings of hurt, anxiety, rage, depression, control and shame, and then deeper to find deep core unworthiness and deep core disconnect. Maybe me naming these tones right now itself produces rumble in you calling you from your own vast, but unexplored being.

Given this dynamic, that all of us are made up of many subpersonalities, and each one of them is in a kind of suffering of their own, affecting every relationship to everything in your life….what could be of any more value than finding healing for each of them?
Left with our parts unexplored and unhealed, how much truly real and authentic expression are we even capable of? What is the tone of the love we seek and the love we give? What are the relational dynamics governing our romantic bonds, our relationship with our careers, with what we relate to as the divine, or God. The questing questions run deep.

You are in essence an authentic self, as you’ve seen and felt tastes and glimpses of in when you feel most like ‘yourself’ or ‘at your best’. But this authentic self, or what we call the SoulFullHeart Self, remains largely un-manifest in daily life and relationship transaction to the degree that parts of you remain in unadjusted suffering, whether in their dungeons or ivory towers. It’s all suffering.

SoulFullHeart offers a grounded way to support you to undertake an ongoing healing journey into this community of yourself and that then extends into a like-minded conscious community of others sharing the same path.

It’s hard to put into words the difference I feel inside of myself since I began the parts process path over a decade ago. I sometimes use the words that ‘you become in many ways unrecognizable to yourself’ as you deconstruct the many strategies held by parts of you to keep life safe. That feels very true to me today, and it never stops. You see, parts of me keeping life safe also closed me off from love in deep energetic gravitational pulls to keep the suffering in place. Parts of me were using suffering to stay stuck.

I’m gonna pause here for today and invite your questions. This is a lot to digest. If you’d like, I welcome your PM, or your questions in the comments below. And, again, this article on our website is very helpful for providing more teaching about the parts process.

And here are Jelelle’s, who is co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart, comments about parts work:

Oh, wow, what can I say about parts or subpersonality healing? Between what you offer of your own experience, Raphael, and our article, a lot of ground is covered. The main feeling I have in the moment is complete and utter gratitude for having this tool brought to me in my life at a time, over 11 years ago, when so needed it. I KNOW that I would not be experiencing life in the tones of joy, magic, love, intimacy etc. that I do without it. The amazing thing is how natural it has been for me to identify voices and energies and tones in myself and then create a relationship with them.

And, in my experience, it is easy and natural for most people. I like to say that I have seen an eight year old identify parts of themselves and an 80 year old with the same level of ease….it is beyond age, beyond cultures and seems to be a universally human development that has been offered in psychology to some degree for 100 years. Seeing and using it as also a tool in spiritual awakening and enlightenment is the newer, cutting edge aspect, but then everything was ‘new’ and ‘cutting edge’ once!

Just this morning, I was meeting with a facilitant, feeling a new part of her emerging (that we call the Daemon or soul guardian), and once again, even all these years later after doing this work for years and serving others in it for years, I was struck anew by the absolute magic of it as she got to feel something in herself that she had NEVER known was there yet it was so TRUE to who she is at the same time. The access to your inner world, both in the heart and soul domains, that you get is so immediate and effective..without drugs, without hypnosis….ok, this brings up a lot of passion in me. I feel like it is THE missing piece in so many ways and once people get a taste of it, they usually feel the same way.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information.