Meeting In The Middle- White Energy Staircase Meditation: Meditations With Kuan Yin Series

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By Jelelle Awen

I am walking up the stairs, visualizing pure, white light all around me. I feel a lightening up in my body as I ascend up the stairs with every inhale and rest on the exhale. I count out each step as a means to keep my mind active while I start to feel a sense of pulling from my crown or seventh chakra. I climb as high as my body will go until I feel resistance. I see a door to my right and I walk through it to enter a large, open space with an extended platform.

In my physical body, I feel as if my torso is elongated and stretching out with my two hands (which are resting in a mudra on my crossed legs) seeming to be quite far away from my head. It is a unique feeling and I am enjoying it, already feeling how it could be a simple thing to travel out of my body following this method.

I begin to feel love and desire flood through me as I repeat over and over a call for Kuan Yin to come be with me if it is the will of the Divine. I exclaim, “I AM God,” feeling a shiver of recognition move through my body of my expression as a fragment of the Divine source. I see the outline of Kuan Yin start to appear before me, framed in a brilliant white light. She is so radiant that I squint my eyes, even though my ‘physical eyes’ are closed.

We don’t exchange words at first, but just bask in our communion with each other. I am in awe, I am in love, I am grateful just to be near Her.

The only thing She says to me is what She has offered me in a previous meditations, “I am you and you are me.” I take this in as the love, gratitude and awe that I am projecting onto Her also lives inside of me.

This simple meditation in which you climb a staircase to access higher dimensional realities while asking for connection with ethereal Beings is offered in a very expansive and transformational book called World Of Archangels by Sufian Chaudhary.

Explains Sufian in his book, “The human body has a very low vibration in order to maintain its physicality. The higher in vibration you manage to achieve, the more you will perceive yourself as a powerful energetic source rather than something limited to the physical world….the most effective communication with ethereal Beings takes place when both parties alter their vibratory level in order to meet each other on middle ground.”

I have been connecting with ethereal Beings such as spirit guides, angels, and ascended masters for several years, yet I can feel a difference now in the purity and intensity of the connection that can be experienced after engaging in the staircase meditation and ‘meeting’ these Beings in a middle point. Such a simple meditation and, yet, one offering seemingly limitless possibilities of experience!

 Note: This blog is part of a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here

Jelelle Awen is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and co-creator. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and sessions to begin your SoulFullHeart awakening process.

Why It Is Challenging To Set Healthy Boundaries In Relationships

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By Jelelle Awen

I would define setting a healthy boundary with someone in a relationship as being about the line that, if and when crossed, we will no longer be in relationship with them because it isn’t healthy or self loving for us to do so or because we just don’t have the resonance value ground to be in relationship. A ‘porous’ boundary would be one that is open to being changed if the person changes or if the ground of the relationship becomes healthier through healing work, specifically parts differentiation work.

Every boundary has a door, just as every fence has a gate. Healthy boundary setting can be done with an open heart, with love and compassion for both the person and ourselves, and before the relationship reaches high levels of toxicity or codependency that is harmful to both sides. This is challenging in our culture, however, and most people struggle a lot with this issue.

Why is it so challenging to set boundaries with people in relationships, even when the level of abuse and toxicity is obvious to us? There are many possible answers to this question that could be applied in a universal way even as every individual situation is different.

1) One of the reasons it is so challenging to set healthy boundaries is because most of us received no modeling on how to do this with our caregivers AND we weren’t ‘allowed’ to set any boundaries with our families prior to adulthood.

We are such sponges, absorbing all the energies and emotional tones of our families as we grow up. By the time we are teenagers, we are so filled up with these tones and energies that part of us begins to rebel against what we had no choice in absorbing, which is a form of boundary setting. Some of us continue this rebellion until adulthood and eventually our boundary setting with family may end up being a complete push away or break from them for a phase of time or for life. Most of us are not invited to set boundaries with our family members and we wouldn’t anyway because of our food and shelter needs that they provide. We are required to deal with whatever we are given or however we are treated without advocating or defending ourselves and without the opportunity to say, ‘No’. So, we learn how to live with what we inherited and the cost to the expression of our authentic self and the development of the ability to set boundaries out of self love is hugely impacted. Basically, we literally have ‘no idea’ how to set healthy boundaries because we didn’t ‘see’ and ‘learn’ how to do it from our families.

2) This leads into the second reason, which is that we don’t have enough self love or core self worth to lead this navigation of boundary setting. In SoulFullHeart work, core self worth is something that emerges after much processing with the parts of us who don’t find us worthy and yet are tasked with protecting and defending us, such as our inner punisher-critic, our controller-protector, our soul guardian-Daemon, our inner matriarch-patriarch, etc. These parts of us have developed as internal voices and energies inside of us because of the energies and tones we took in from our caregivers.

It is actually an aspect of our self-defense structure to develop these parts of us that keep the messages running that we ‘are not worthy of love’ or ‘are unlovable’ or ‘are crazy’ or whatever the message is. These parts are actually trying to keep us safe by knocking us down first before someone else does (which is what happened in childhood) or before we get too ‘big’ and do unsafe things. I know this sounds strange, but over eleven years of working with people in subpersonality work, I have seen this over and over again. And, of course, I have seen this in myself. Without an innate sense of core self worth and self love, it is very difficult to say ‘no’ to unhealthy frequencies. Saying ‘no’ means that we are saying ‘yes’ to what nourishes us and that we feel that we are worth it.

3) Boundary setting can be challenging because we don’t know which ones to set and which part of us is doing it. Sometimes it can feel like we are setting healthy boundaries because part of us has said ‘no’ to something or a relationship and is shutting it out, but it actually IS necessary for us to go into it or it could lead to our next growth place to go into it. Parts of us (the protector-controller again primarily) actually like saying ‘no!’ but it can be misdirected and misplaced. This part of us can say ‘no’ to people who are trying to help us by no longer enabling us or by bringing us a tough truth that we don’t want to see. Or this part of us can say, ‘no’ to changes that we need to make or tough conversations that we need to have that could bring conflict and more changes. So, this can be a confusing ground to navigate and asking, “Which part of me wants this boundary and why?” is a very important one.

4) Boundary setting can make us look ‘bad’ or ‘not nice.’ For the parts of us that care about our self-image or how others perceive us, it can be very uncomfortable if we are judged by the person (or others) that we are setting the boundary with as mean or not nice. We are so conditioned in our culture around ‘being nice’ and that it is a ‘good thing’…..even as most relationships, if you go deeper, have a layer of toxicity and falseness in them that has nothing to do with being ‘nice’. Many people would rather preserve the self image of being nice even with someone who is NOT nice with them and actually treats them badly. This behavior pattern has usually been strongly modeled by one of our parents or both of them.

5) It’s challenging and nearly impossible to set boundaries with others if we haven’t set them with parts of ourselves. This is a crucial aspect of parts process work: learning when to set a boundary with a part of us when we identify and feel that we don’t want their behavior to continue because it is isn’t self loving. We literally have to set a boundary with them as the Authentic Self sometimes in order to be ‘bigger’ than the part of us. For example, we feel love for the inner punisher even as we set a boundary with this part of us to stop beating us down with self judgments. Or we have to say ‘no’ to certain things which parts of us use to keep us numb to our deeper feelings. Our authentic self learns to do this in a loving way that is both strong and open through the SoulFullHeart process. When parts of us feel this energy of healthy boundary setting arise in us, they lean into it. They have been waiting for it our whole lives and parts of us become relieved because finally an ‘adult’ is home to say what is nourishing and healthy and what is not.

Boundary setting transforms relationships, either by closing them down for a period of time or by opening them up to something new. In my experience, both sides benefit from healthy and porous boundary setting, even if one side is leading it (which is usually the case.) Boundary setting doesn’t have to be a ‘one time’ thing in relationships with a dramatic declaration and big fallout, although that is often what happens if it hasn’t been done consistently.

In healthy and authentic relationships, boundary setting is something that is being talked about and negotiated, something that just happens organically and, in an intimate relationship, sometimes several times a day. And, it is porous…meaning it shifts and changes based on the current conditions. It can be porous if both people are working on healing their hearts through subpersonality work and if they are dedicated and committed to serving the love in the relationship.

Jelelle Awen is an author and teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets hereand become her friend or follow her on facebook.

 

 

 

The Gift of Sacred Friendship:  Diary of a HeartMan Blog Series

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By Sequoia Heartman

On this day 29 years ago, a very unique soul entered this world.  Three and a half years ago she came like a lightning bolt into mine.  Young by physical age but not by soul.  A woman who has chosen a path and a lifestyle nearly unheard of in her generation.  An arising queen to lead her tribe back to health and thriving aliveness.

Kathleen Calder and I attempted a few romantic incarnations, but for multiple reasons we realized our bond was better served in a sacred friendship.  We are just beginning to explore what that really means.  How do two people with a romantic history navigate a new relationship to what it means to love each other? 

Simply said…be conscious, be vulnerable.  In this new space we can process old triggers and heal them to gain a new ground of intimacy that we couldn’t seem to access as a couple.  This doesn’t mean we are always going to be friends no matter what.  We still have to show up for each other in a way that serves our needs, our growth, and our authenticity.  There is always something at stake even in a sacred friendship.   

Similar to my friendship with Jelayan, Kathleen has been an advocate for my growth into my kingliness.  Parts of me are challenged by her intensity and supported by her genuine love and care for me.  She is one of my biggest fans.  I feel her cheering me on to live in my biggest expression, even in her frustrations to my smallest reactions.

Any mate that I draw will be partly due to Kathleen´s genuine advocacy.  I wish for any man to be able to heal their relationship to women so they can experience the kind of friendship I do with Kathleen.  These relationships are rare but I know they exist.  They are unique, challenging, and powerful.

A woman like Kathleen provides a mirror unto ourselves as to what it means to be a deeply spiritual and emotionally authentic male human being.  There were times in the past when her intensity caused parts of me to shut down and run. 

Now, even though the intensity has softened (comparatively), I find it refreshing and desirable, even while I may still have some initial reactions from my parts.  The intensity is real and raw.  A reflection of a part of me that I have repressed.

And THAT is the gift of sacred friendship.  A playground of relationality, a platonic ground of intimacy, and a mirror of what we can´t see in ourselves.  On your journey to King, I advise you draw your own Kathleen,  a true sacred feminine advocate.  My parts and I would not be the same if she weren’t in my life.  My relationship to women has been truly changed forever due to her presence and advocacy.

Thank you, Kathleen, from my heart and from the heart of the sacred masculine, for you being you. 

You too are a Queen and Catalyst of Kings. 

I love you for all you have been, all you are, and all you ever will be.  Happy Birthday.

Sequoia Heartman is an apprentice teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. Go here to become his friend on facebook. 

Becoming The Birdsong: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

Sunrise here at the Sanctuary in rural Mexico brings an orchestra of bird calls. It starts with the crooning of the rooster at the first hint of the new day and sometimes as early as four o’clock in the morning. The rooster says, “Get up! Get up! A new day! A new day!” This is the first time in my life that I have been woken up not by an alarm clock, but by an animal bred for this function. It is mostly wonderful.

The birdsong then escalates as dawn approaches, so many different kinds of chatters and trills that it seems impossible to identify them all. It is a flurry of noise and, while ‘silent’ from industrial sounds such as motors and engines, it is by no means quiet here at the Sanctuary in the early morning.

This is the time that I feel most open to meditation and connection to altered states of consciousness. I have learned to mostly ‘block out’ nature’s sounds and it becomes background music while my process takes center stage. More about the birdsong in a moment…

This morning, I am floating in “Ma Om….” mantra, seeing if my mind can let go and rest in longer stretches without actually thinking about something every few seconds. But, then it is my mind that is tracking if it can go without thinking! Sigh.

As I open to Ma Om, my two quartz crystals I am holding in my hands become burning hot with energy moving through me. Kuan Yin is more of a blur today, less solid, and more an energetic presence. I can feel Her energy but I am struggling to feel my love and adoration for Her this morning. Usually it flows through quite freely and sometimes I can even let in Her reciprocating love for me. Something is blocking my letting in capacity and I suspect it has to do with letting in love on my birthday a couple of days ago.

Then, I am suddenly engaged in an etheric conversation with Padma – who is a Metasoul sister of mine who lives in India in the year 1930. (Please go to this article to read more about what a Metasoul is.) A Metasoul sister or brother feels like a kin to us, and although different than what is known as a ‘past life reincarnation’, there are similarities. The main difference is that the Metasoul realty acknowledges that time is an illusion and that we are a projection from one universal, transcendent source. Connection with other projections from the same Metasoul (but who are living in different ‘eras of time’) can be very beneficial and illuminating.

Padma has been recognized as ‘born with strong Atman (internal Godhead) with a strong connection to Brahman-God.’ She tells me that she left her family at six years old to go with her Master, Nomanji, to live in his ashram and become a great yogi and saint. This is considered a great honor, but I feel her loneliness.

She is now 18 years old and can’t remember what it is like to be a ‘normal’ person. “All I do is meditate and sleep,” she tells me. I ask her if this makes her unhappy.

“If I think of what I am missing…if I think of myself as a self, then I can get sad. But, there is no ‘I’ there,” she responds.

I tell her that I want to help her feel her sadness. Immediately she admits to me that she would like to leave her Master, who is not cruel to her, but she does feel that she has outgrown him. She would like to start her own ashram and she says that there are those who want to be her devotees. I agree to support her emotional process (which she has suppressed and transcended) if she helps me with opening out my consciousness to transcendent frequencies and to liberate my mind more fully.

After we make an agreement, I feel her energy leave my presence and I am alone again with “Ma Om.” I feel more open in my heart chakra now that Padma’s sadness has moved out. This is when I become aware of the birdsong around me, which seems to have just increased suddenly in volume.

There is one particular bird that is singing at a length and volume that seems to penetrate my field.

Kuan Yin offers for me to, “Follow the birdsong,” so I do, turning my attention to it.

At first, I am just listening to the chatter back and forth of this bird and one of its kind in another tree. Then, I feel rumbles of energy move through me with each refrain from the birds. It feels like their song is inside of me. It is a jerky thing because I’m not sure if I like it at first.

Eventually I surrender to it and then I am in flight with every tweet, in motion with every twitter. It is a liberating sensation.

I try not to interpret if there is a message from the birdsong, even though I can feel how they are communicating one to me. I can feel how Kuan Yin is communicating to me through birds, which seem to be one of her favorite creatures. This is fortuitous since I happen to live on what is essentially a bird sanctuary, with some very rare and endangered species of birds here.

I just am the birdsong and I feel Kuan Yin’s encouragement. I am reminded of Her showing me a lotus and offering that it knew more about who and what it was because it didn’t know and was just arising isness. Becoming the birdsong offers the same kind of not knowing and being in isness.

The song tapers off at some point and my attention moves back to me and the start of my day here at the Sanctuary

For a few hours afterwards, as I am watering and tending to the gardens, I feel a lightness in my mind and a sense of suspended moments without mental tracking…..what I call, ‘loosened brain.’

And, I am more aware of the birdsong around me and its offering of communion, lightness, and freedom.

Jelelle Awen is an author and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets here and become her friend or follow her on facebook.

You Have A Body, You Are Not Your Body: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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By Jelelle Awen

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

I have taken a certain pride in being embodied and ‘grounded’ in my body. My weight has been at a healthy place for a few years now and regular physical activity is just part of my lifestyle here at the Sanctuary. Shovelling, weeding, watering, cob building…it all lends itself to being in the body. I also experience great pleasure from making love with my mate Raphael, which is grounded in our bodies, connected in our hearts, and expanding more and more into our souls.

So, I haven’t been interested in being ‘out of the body’….until recently I have been. Well, what I am more interested in is a balance where I can be healthfully and vibrantly be in my body and also deepen my experience of out of body realities such as astral travel, Samadhi and other enlightened states, kundalini energies, etc. I do believe a balance can be made and that’s what it feels like some people are seeking through the Hatha yoga path.

Physical ailments usually accompany my major spiritual or emotional movements as toxicity moves out, as Kathleen also talks about in her blog. I take note when this happens because I rarely get sick and have never broken a bone or had any kind of major injury or illness. So, the physical issues I do have are small and move quickly, but they can often be connected to my process.

As I am meditating with Kuan Yin today, I am feeling a particular ailment in my body that is minor but still irritating me. As I start with the “Ma Om” mantra (described here), Kuan Yin can feel my attention and focus moving to my body.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologize. “I’m getting distracted by discomfort in my body.”

“You have a body. You are not your body,” is Her immediate response.

Ok, I take that in and let it be a kind of repeated mantra.

I have a body. I am not my body.

Eventually, I have to ask her to clarify what She means.

“Your mind thinks that you are your body. It thinks you are a body shell and it fuses to that reality. This is very limiting. You are not your body. And, you are not your mind either.”

“Then, what am I?”

She seems to light up then. “Now THAT is an interesting question. Also, interesting is the question: Who am I?”

“Yes, what and who am I, then?”

The image of a lotus flower blooms in front of me. I can feel immediately that She has sent it to me. I take its beauty in.

“This flower knows more of its essence than you do because it doesn’t know anything. It just is,” She replies.

I meditate on this and feel how right she is. I have spent over ten years in a pretty radical and intense self healing path that has led to the diving into the depths of my previously subconscious emotional and soul wounding. I have been asking the question, “Which part of me is feeling this?” in a dedicated way over the last decade. I have been through a series of subpersonalities over the years and through this incredibly effective process which allows for separation and objectivity from reactions through feeling them deeply, I have had more and more experience of the authentic expression of my being. What you can experience of your authentic being that is since it is very difficult to pinpoint as it isn’t related to a role or self image. But, I can feel how even what I have attached to as my ‘authentic self’ or ‘higher self’ still has a dualistic filter around it.

“I just am,” I respond, trying it on to see how it feels.

“It’s ok you do so much defining and sorting of yourself, J bird. You’ve needed to do it and it was good. You are in a new phase now where you want to dissolve the “I” more so you can experience reality without separation.”

I feel a slight wave of panic come over me at the thought of ‘dissolving’ myself, especially as I have spent so much work and energy to uncover my seemingly most authentic expression! My previous spiritual teacher used to say about the ego maturation process that happens through parts work and then the ego obliteration process that happens in sagehood practice is like having a Maserati sports car that you work very hard to get and then proceed to drive it off a cliff!

Kuan Yin feels this hesitation in me and a wave of compassion from her washes over me.

“Your mind resists this. Your body resists it too. Even your ‘authentic self’, as you say, resists it. But that’s OK because you still are what you are and aren’t what you aren’t,” She says, smiling.

“Buddha taught that it is our sense of ‘I’ and our sense of separation that causes suffering. I have healed a lot of my suffering through the path I’ve been on but I am still curious about deepening what I have experienced beyond the mind and beyond the body. And, I guess, even beyond the ‘I’.”

“Who is saying that?”

I reflect for a moment. I immediately want to go to my usual mode of scanning for a part of myself that might be speaking but I know that isn’t what she is looking for. Finally I settle for, “I don’t know.”

She nods and smiles at me. That feeling of not knowing who I am because I just am is a strange one and vibrates through me, loosening my mind and I can feel, jarring a little bit of my attachment to my body. A surge of energy moves from my crown chakra at the top of my head and down to the base of my spine and eventually out my root chakra.

Another lotus flower appears before me.

This time all I can do is laugh out loud, although I couldn’t have told you why.

And Kuan Yin laughs with me and says, “That’s better!”

Jelayan Awen is an author and teacher at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets here and become her friend on facebook.

Itchy Skin, Itchy Heart: Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

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By Kathleen Calder

This is why I walk this path. This is why I am able to walk through fire without flinching. These shifts are what make the ride through my shadowland worthwhile.

Note: This is the sixth entry in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read part one. 

The white, dried-out, chalky dust of the baking soda/water mix I’ve applied to my itchy, red skin continues to flake off in the seemingly million places where I have put it. Even typing as I am now is tough because part of me continues to be distracted by the dust now accumulating on the keys of the keyboard, worried that they will somehow wedge themselves in between them and ruin the keyboard altogether. Yet this reaction and distraction is small potatoes compared to the incredible itch that I applied the baking soda paste to combat in the first place.

My palms are the itchiest at the moment. And the itch, unlike on the rest of my arms, is not surrendering to this thick white substance and continues to itch relentlessly. Perhaps my healing chakras on my hands are opening. That could very well be, as the process I’m in now is very much preparing me to eventually offer healing to others.

Interestingly, my process since my last stay at the sanctuary about 10 days ago, has been about emotionally letting go of an old skin. I have been feeling just how much a part of me would rather keep people at arm’s length (or farther) and all of the toxicity that she has absorbed from past templates on how to be in life that led her to this level of resistance to compassion many years ago. This has been quite an intense amount of shadow to go into and I am still in it, though the light is now appearing at the end of the tunnel, right in step with an intense allergic reaction on my skin that keeps ebbing, flowing and itching.

When my process into this shadowland first began last week, almost right away I ended up with a fever that laid me up for several days. That first night of sweating spells felt akin to past/Metasoul lives of self-induced fevers caused by taking various herbs in order to download “Divine” messages for the upcoming season as per the demand of the people I was in service to as a Priestess. I had flashes of Metasoul sister possibilities and felt also a breath of air from the Divine that told me everything was alright and that I needed these waves of detox to help me move into my next layer of myself.

By the time I returned to La Cruz, where I am living part time in order to work my online job and help support our community, I was feeling much better though I had a round of intense tummy troubles that eased off eventually but then returned a few days later, though not as severely. Now I am wading through a rash that suddenly came on several days ago and seems to get worse, but then get better before getting worse all over again. Right now it feels like this wave is simply another way for the toxic energy I have been moving for the last 10 days + to continue leaving my emotional, spiritual, and physical bodies. Phew. I am looking forward to getting to the other side of this one.

I wanted to share my story in this moment because it somehow feels important, for you as well as for me. It helps me digest all of the changes moving through me and also may help to illuminate for you why you may suffer some intense physical symptoms at times. In my very recent experience, it seems this is how our bodies communicate to us that there are changes going on and there is such a strong need for more stillness and self-care during this period of time. Not to mention that if you aren’t already, I would strongly suggest you check in with what you are feeling or maybe what part of you is avoiding feeling. Doing this helps me move my symptoms faster. It is not something I have been doing frequently enough lately, perhaps…and yet I can also feel how my body, for some reason, has just needed to express my healing in this way. This helps me and my parts to surrender to it easier.

Along with the waves of healing that I feel coming into me even while the symptoms are strong, I feel myself emerging from something akin to a long, long slumber. I feel as if I am being renewed and baptized into a new way of being that isn’t going to come over night but that I am consciously stepping into right now.  The amazing thing is that I feel how the shifts outside me are a reflection of the shifts happening inside me, and that even while I hold part of me’s reactions to people, I can still feel my heart opening. These are the pieces I treasure right now. This is why I walk this path. This is why I am able to walk through fire without flinching. These shifts are what make the ride through my shadowland worthwhile.

I hope this inspires you in some way to keep going into yourself too. I know that even writing this out for myself has helped me look inside and recognize what is happening in a new way. I may be a half-baked butterfly still mostly nestled in a cocoon for now, but it is only for now. I am on way. So are you.

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions

Letting In Love On Our Birthdays: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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Compassion flows the strongest from self love, not self sacrifice.

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

I am diligent, repeating my “Ma Om” mantra and touching parts of my body, imagining Kuan Yin merging with me. I particularly hover my hands over my seven chakras, which are whirling centers of energy in our etheric or subtle body. I grip a rose quartz in my hand as that is the stone that holds the energy of the Divine Mother to me.

I feel the warmth of Kuan Yin’s presence and her voice, bright in my head, saying, “Happy Birthday, Jilly Bird!”

I am a little surprised by her enthusiasm about my 44th birthday. “Is it happy? I mean, is it really anything?”

“It is a celebration of you! I celebrate you!” She enthuses at me.

“Birthdays are an illusion, aren’t they?” I ask, ever trying to be the good student.

“In the sense of….there is no time, yes. In the sense of……you being born and dying every arising moment rather than just being born in one moment, yes.”

“Yes, and in the sense of numbers of years on earth being meaningless to reflect true maturity.”

She smiles her soft smile at me.

“In previous years I have felt a young part of me, my inner child, become very excited about my birthday,” I say. “She would want to feel special and she wanted attention. This year, she feels content inside of me and, in some ways, like this day is the same as any other.”

“Birthdays offer a space to receive appreciation, recognition, and well wishes. You want these, don’t you?”

I don’t have to think about this for long. “Of course. Although sometimes it can be a struggle to let it in.”

“Yes, a struggle. This is what to feel today, Jelayan. On your birthday. To feel letting in love into your heart.”

At that moment, I feel a surge of warm energy in my fourth or heart chakra. It radiates out, like the sun, like a stone dropped into a pond rippling soft waves in all directions.

I feel the capacity to let in love expand with Her energy and Her encouragement.

I also feel how compassion has to start with myself before it can truly overflow to others. Letting the love and appreciation I receive on my birthday from those people most intimate with me creates an overflow that can then go to others. This is the true way that compassion flows the strongest……from self love, not self sacrifice.

I carry this feeling of letting in with me as I check my emails and my facebook account. I am brought to tears a few times by the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from others, especially those in our SoulFullHeart community.

And, I feel in this where my heart is more comfortable still giving out then letting in. Even after years of being in a marriage with a mate who showers me with affection and attention. Even after years of receiving gratitude from students who I serve and have served. Even after years of feeling connection with the Divine Mother and the exquisite sense of being loved by Her as a beloved daughter.

The process of letting in and receiving love is an ongoing one and I believe a much harder energy to inhabit than giving love. It is a wonderful practice though, on our birthdays or any other ‘normal’ day.

Jelelle Awen is an author and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about sessions.