The Challenge To Let In Love

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@marigard

By Raphael Awen

‘The biggest challenge you will ever face in this life is the challenge to let in love.’

These words came to me many years ago from a trusted teacher, and I’ve often taken this encapsulated sermon in a sentence from a mental file to reflect on it. I still do believe it to be true.

What dawned on me today though, on this resurrection Sunday, is an addendum to this sentence, and pardon me if it doesn’t quite fit in a sentence so simple as the first one, but the awareness that came is that for there to be a letting in, there would need to be a letting out.

Like breathing, we take in oxygen, transmute it, digest it, and then release and expel carbon dioxide. Trying to remain in a continual letting in mode, without surrendering to a letting out mode, would limit the letting in very quickly, making the original challenge to let in love feel all the more impossible.

If that’s true, that letting out is equally important as the attempt to let in; and that letting in can’t actually be separate from letting out, then what might the letting out look and feel like?

And as I tune in beloved guides, what comes to me in a gush of a big out breath of awareness is that we are being invited to trans-parent this love in-breath into a vulnerable willingness to be seen and known for what we really are. Am I able to to let you (any and all others in my life) see me for who I really am? This washing away of these false gods of upholding self image require so much time and energy, and prevent me from letting in another drop of real love. The letting in pushes up a profound need for letting out.

If that’s all true, then the question comes up about where to practically apply all this as a practice. It can be very relieving to immediately put this into practice in your relationships with anyone, whether a deep intimate or a store clerk, yes, but what comes to me is the invitation to apply this all internally, me to me.

Where are parts of me struggling to gasp in another breath of real love and then are being prevented from letting out its effluent. What has not been trans-parented into the light of day between parts of myself? Where have parts of me been allowed to remain in suffering in the absence of my deeper heart bridge to them?

This is the resurrection we are invited into – that is here now. He is risen. She is risen. The fall has given way to the rising. You are the beloved and the beloved is you. A sacred romance awaits like you’ve never seen or heard tell of.

It’s a story that only you can tell awaiting your authorship.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

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Moving From Being Alone To All-one

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@khouser01

By Raphael Awen

Loving yourself requires feeling yourself and feeling yourself requires space.

This space is a transactional space where you as an observer/feeler opens a curious open hearted inquiry about another part of you.

When a part of you is feeling anything, be it anger, sadness, joy or bliss, you simply are this feeling state until this open hearted other shows up.

You move from being alone to all-one, when this state of transactionally loving yourself is flowing to and from ALL the aspects of your being.

This is my ‘teacher digestion’ as I feel myself moving through a pronounced recent dark night, death and rebirth cycle in the recent separation with Jelelle and new opening with each other. There was intense reaction through the birth canal, facing not only the loss of Jelelle, but also all of my beloveds in SoulFullHeart, almost more than I could bear, but there is also surprisingly many reactions to feel to be out the other side into a bunch of goodness, amidst all the relief. Feelings arise like ‘how will we sustain this new frequency?,’ particularly in relationship with an ever changing Jelelle as she and her parts have launched a rocket ship of service in recent months and continues to do so. She definitely isn’t the same woman I married in so many ways. It’s still more than a bit disconcerting to a part of me to feel she’ll most likely be yet again a different woman in a few weeks from now, or in any moment for that matter. She’s definitely a lot to keep up with part of me says.

When this unsettled feeling moves through me, it first produces an unsettled reaction where I’m less grounded, often not even conscious of the actual feeling. Then when my consciousness registers the fear, I can immediately launch an inquiry as to what part of me is feeling that.

I’m working with and relating with a new part of myself, Mateo, who has held mateship all these years, and most all of the reactions that have to do with Jelelle involve him. Initially, the feeling swell is anxiety, aloneness, fear, but when I connect with him, and am not in denial of these ‘lower’ feeling states, immediate non judgmental space opens out. Curiosity makes space for deep reconnection inside myself, love and compassion begins that flows out to deep understanding, exchanges of appreciation, remorse for the distance between he and I, anticipation of what wants to come between us, and more flow in an abun-dance, and abounding dance between two beings becoming one.

The awareness comes full circle then that the feeling of trying to manage my relationship with Jelelle is coming from a part of me who feels out of touch with my heart, his heart home in that moment. Reconnecting him and I, then pulls back the projections going outward to land in me, which is the only place they can really be made secure.

This inner romance and its deep fulfillment me-to-me can then pervade and flow into my relationship with Jelelle, and navigate with all the navigation necessary (or not necessary) to be in the arising changing moment relationally. The inner relational space is mirrored in the outer romance and vice versa, as well as to all my relationships on all levels.

Without this, Mateo says, “you’re hooped man, take it from me!”

Thank you all for your embrace of yourself, which makes real relationship and nourishment possible.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Being In All That The Moment Has To Offer

By Raphael Awen

Using ‘being in the moment’ as a way to not feel something a part of you doesn’t want to feel isn’t being in the moment at all.

It’s being in something else, quite removed from the moment actually. No wonder another part of us hasn’t really gotten on so well with all the ‘be in the moment’ advice.

What if really being in the moment is more to do with a simple willingness to feel all that is moving through in any given moment …..even if it isn’t peaceful, or centered, or loving? Centered, loving and peaceful can only be real if it begins with an acknowledgment of what it isn’t.

After years of doing emotional work and feeling tons of shifts, movements, and corresponding life changes, I still feel the challenge that wants to ‘get to’ the good feelings and skip over what’s actually in front of me. Maybe it’s something built into our DNA that gravitates us towards order out of chaos. But then, order emerges out of and is born from chaos. Chaos is the soil that bliss and order gets its’ definition from, we could say.

We go through our hells to find and live in our heavens. Again and again.

Choosing to become an Ambassador to all that’s really inside of us is the invitation that we are now being invited into. The parts of us that make up our inner being are very keen to feel if this Ambassadorship we are mounting in our lives is an Ambassadorship of true love, or, instead, just another agenda of control and domination in some new shape or form (like duty and obligation, for example).

Another big one, for those of us who have chosen awareness of what we are actually feeling, is readying ourselves for the life changes that our awareness will lead us to. Our Inner Protector will shut down our awareness if that awareness is causing us to cycle in suffering; to get stuck in our hell, rather than finding traction out of the suffering.

All of this is what makes up a Love Ambassadorship. Feeling all there is to feel, not accepting any domination and control agendas (whether they originate inside of us or outside of us) and moving into our higher timelines.

How could any of that really happen if it wasn’t for a true love Ambassadorship inside? Ascension without this Ambassadorship only makes for more undigested trauma to be felt at a later date.

How cool is it to be lessening rather than adding to the ‘trauma to be felt’ list? Then, and maybe only then, can we, as the love that we are, more fully be in the blissful moments we are all wired to crave and gravitate towards.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/bridging-session

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Supermoon’s Invitation: “Just Feel”

By Raphael Awen

The best advice I can find for myself in navigating these Supermoon energies is ‘just feel’.

My whole life journey can be seen from a perspective of seeing what I might call my ‘pre-feeling’ era, my ‘feeling’ era of all that was backed up and denied, and then to now, my ‘living in feeling’ era. Sometimes, those patterns repeat themselves in a current week or even a day, so it’s not like it’s a watertight completion of any phase, but I can say, for me, that my life is very different having moved through these phases of orientation to life.

I recall sharing with a trusted space holder during my intense phase of deep feeling about an attraction that I was feeling to a woman and what feelings were being pushed up because of it. He took all I shared into his heart and replied ‘just feel it’. That advice rings in my heart today as the most valued words he ever shared with me. It might sound a bit diminutive at first, but really, the opposite is true. Oftentimes, we mentalize a mountain of possible scenarios, reactions, even talking about feelings, while we are still on our way to actually feeling that something.

I can say from where I live and breathe today, that I’ve given my whole life to wanting to really feel all there is to feel. Leaving the once treasured shores of my pre-feeling era, I found like Job said in the Bible, ‘that which I greatly feared has come upon me’ meaning that, there was good reason behind my era of not-feeling. To open myself to feeling was to tear down my constructed life as I knew it, subjecting myself to all manner of unpredictable change. I found however that the waves were self-lovingly manageable, that somehow feeling had its own super intelligence built in to hold all chaos that was pushed up in the process, even while in the middle of any meltdowns. It actually finally felt really good to feel, even if the feeling was a kind of hell.

The Supermoons offer an amped up portal to our feelings. If someone is in a pretty much watertight place of not-feeling, they’ll drift through the phase without much awareness, and just see it as random circumstance – ‘good days, bad days, we all have ‘em’ kind of picture. For those who’ve let go of their own personal not-feeling orientation to life, then these energies push up a what can feel like a ‘shit-ton of shit to feel’ as a reactive part of us might put it, feeling some victimized by the waves, possibly resenting the loss of the good old days where life just was, without all this chaos of feeling.

As I earned my stripes, bumps, and bruises in this lifestyle choice of feeling first, I found that the advice to just feel, can be applied to any and every reaction along the way. I found I could feel the part of me in mourning for the loss of what it felt were better less conscious days, if that’s what came up to feel. I found I could feel and be conscious of any wave of anxiety or depression moving through any part of me and feel what was underneath it. I can feel today the part of me asking questions about what this Supermoon of energy has yet to open me out to.

Whether it’s intense body pain reactions, huge rumbles in relationships, career careening out of control, or anything else it feels like the Supermoon is throwing at you, I believe we are simply and foremostly being asked to just feel.

‘Just feel’ will take us where we need to go with all the self loving debriefings and digestions right on time.

Jelelle Awen and I will be live streaming today at 1:11 pm – Vancouver City Time (PDT) on our SoulFullheart page: https://www.facebook.com/soulfullheartwayoflife/

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/bridging-session

Photo courtesy of Jeffrey Eisen on Unsplash

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Valentine To My Beloved Jelelle

Dearly beloved Jelelle,

are you listening?

I love it when you are!

The last ten years being together with you in earth time have been the greatest of not only this life time, but soo many more. What a gift to ‘go all in’ with the abandon, desire and risk taking that we have.

The mirror of our relationship continues to call, to course correct, and to fill the depths of my being.

Thank you for continuing to go into the unknown, the magic and the love together with me.

I love you and wish this for every person I meet.

It’s possible and we have the proof!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

I love you!

💚 Raphael ❤️

(Image by Bradley Feller from Unsplash)

Arising Anew From Grief And Remorse

By Raphael Awen

From the still place of having felt your grief and your remorse, incubates an unmistakable new energy of desire.

Arising in its own time, and in its own way, desire and appetite for an entirely new way of being comes.

Though you have been known by a name and a story, so much of that name and story is complete, and a new story and new name arises. You are in the nursery being looked at now through the big windows by many guides and beings who wish to support you and hold you into your next phase of your sacred journey.

This sacred new beginning, like all beginnings is encoded with its completion, which is what makes way for deep reverence for the present moment.

With this reverence in place, and the feelings of remorse and grief having had their full place, you cannot but move with grace and reverence, with deep support and guidance into the next phase of your sacred and most purposeful journey.

These are the words and feeling space that come to me as I had opportunity recently to be a big part of a Metasoul of mine in process with his grief and remorse for the suppression of feminine.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Healing The Suppressed Inner Feminine

By Raphael Awen

Choosing to live out a present timeline with a suppressed inner feminine in remorse for another timeline when you suppressed the feminine externally doesn’t really work to bring healing and reconciliation. They are both still in resistance to the feminine.

Realizing that all we really wanted was love and deep heart and home security, but that we went about it in a twisted way is the beginning of deeply finding what was really underneath the harm we created; the frantic search for love.

Where is love’s search wanting to take you now?

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

The Divine Wants To feel Through You What It Couldn’t Feel Without You

By Raphael Awen

Prior to your individuation and soul birth out of the Divine, there wasn’t a you here in the way that you know and experience you today.

The you that existed then was the one being of infinite love. What this you lacked however was an other to be in relationship with. This you also lacked the ability to know any kind of lack, as it was total infinite abundance in its essence. It had a lack, but it couldn’t know and feel that lack. This you also couldn’t actually know and feel the superabundance that it was as it simply was it. It couldn’t have a relationship with the abundance that it was.

This you wanted and then decided to duplicate itself in soul birth expression many other beings to be in relationship with, and to know and experience a relationship with this superabundance.

What your present you holds however is a fear of losing this individuated soul birth expression, of being swallowed back up into oneness and returning to the kind of lack it once knew in superabundance.

Problem is though that the Divine is on a mission through you and wants to know and feel all these fears – the fear of having nothing but abundance, as well as the fear of being cut off and separated from abundance, or love.

What creates stasis or movement in your life is all hinged upon your willingness to feel. The Divine wants and needs to feel through you what it couldn’t feel without you.

The Divine never intended for you to hover in a suffering pattern of anxiety, but rather to move through a kind of suffering; the kind that any mama knows who has given birth. Ultimately, the Divine is assured that no one and no thing will be left behind in this full reconciliation to love; hence its ability to undertake this mission involving suffering.

Where your power is in all of this, to suffer or not suffer, is in your willingness to feel what is coming up for you and parts of you in this journey.

What are you and parts of feeling in response to the circumstances of your life as you know it today? What traumas are undigested in you asking to be felt?

Feeling what there is to feel is what moves you profoundly into your next pieces of your deepest heart and soul evolution.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/bridging-session

The Journey Through Smallness To Return To Bigness

by Raphael Awen

Our garden variety anxieties and fears about running out of money, or losing vitality in our bodies, or losing connection with a loved one, are all testament to a much greater loss that occurred for us.

Embedded in our very DNA is a subconscious remembrance that we were expelled out of the garden of oneness, fractured and fractaled out of the Divine, seemingly sentenced to pay homage now to the taskmaster of the knowledge of the duality of good and evil….judgment of self and others now reigning where love once fully danced and expressed.

This fracturing from one into parts is also very apparent in our psyche as the Inner Child and Inner Teenager and Inner Protector are all evidence of this trauma of separation, as they await our awareness to reach out to them.

The really good news however is that embedded in this trauma is the key to not only our full remembrance, as magical as that alone would be, but also to an expansion beyond words or imagination, that we are invited to go find out what it is, living our way into a new garden of Golden Earth, and then integrating that with life in this dimension.

As you explore the traumas held by these parts of you and take their feelings into your heart, you unlock this full remembrance AND this glorious expansion beyond the former glory of what was, and beyond what was given up to the cycle of death and rebirth, into this expanding glory of what and what you really are.

Who are you? You don’t really know, and you can’t know until you do, and then too, as you come into more knowing, you must again surrender to the infinity of the Divine expressing through you, ever fathoming more and more and more.

You are this big! Are you ready to move out of the phase of your necessary smallness exploration?

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Following The Lighthouse Of Our Longing

by Raphael Awen

Our deepest longings that feel the most impossible are actually deep messages from our hearts and souls to our more conscious selves, that we are invited to feel.

We are not guaranteed the fulfillment of the outward picture of those exact longings, but rather the things those longings represent. We are guaranteed that the longing itself leads us into something much deeper from beyond the veil of forgetfulness regarding our truer essence and changes us in the process.

This is actually a frightful guarantee to parts of us. We cannot own and pursue the longing without being irreversibly changed.

Following this lighthouse of our longing, that carries the unexplainable homing skills of a pigeon, the longing and desire shifts and changes as we reposition ourselves in relationship to it, leading us to our true heart home.

The experience of the initial steps leads to the next ones. We are afforded exercise of the heart muscles that will be needed for the next steps. The first steps are just as magical as the later ones as each step brings the joy of coming into more and more of our infinite essence.

Falling in deeper and deeper love with our many varied selves, we overflow with true love for all beings and all life.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.