By Wayne

Without realizing it, we configure life and relationships in such a way as to only get part of what we want, and to try to leave the rest of what we want off our radar.  Just enough to feel safe. Having more fulfillment than we are used to doesn’t feel safe at all. Drawing what we really and most deeply want in life is not the impossibility, or the matter of chance as we’ve made it out to be.

Drawing what we really want is difficult because it starts with letting ourselves have the want, admitting to ourselves and others that we are not happy with what we have, and seeing how we have played a huge role in setting up and maintaining the unfulfilling picture, and then taking steps towards what we really want. And then even though today is a continuation of yesterday in your life’s configuration and situation, you’ve changed direction, and you’ve changed the air quality, and you’ve changed the energy.

And those closest to you will likely not like it. If the friendship or relationship got it’s good start around an unspoken agreement to be a coping mechanism for the lack of fulfillment in your life, then the bond needs to hold to that in order to survive. Loyalty is often held up here as the greatest of all virtues.

I feel this consternation at times with Jillian. We both regularly reach out for more with each other. But we hit a wall inside of ourselves to let in what we discover. If Jillian finds more of herself and her fulfillment in life, how will that affect her desire towards me? If we find levels of fulfillment together that were before off our radar, how do we expect to maintain that? How do I expect to find that again if I were to lose Jillian? It pushes up a big performance piece for a man. If I held the space of passion and leadership, and did my part for this to arise, and it worked somehow, how do I expect to keep that happening? As a woman, she will probably let herself want that more than I am ready to as a man.

Sex is a really good place to see this vulnerability.  A man can dream of being with an attractive and sexual woman and all without feeling how he would never let himself truly have that as it would be crazy on many levels to be around.

Having more of what you really want is way more about letting it in, than finding it.

It starts with finding and getting to know the part of ourselves that resists letting in more.