Secret Worlds Colliding: The Reunion Of The Inner Masculine and Feminine

Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world, we were colliding
All the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?

-Peter Gabriel, Secret World

The past 2 weeks I have been in mourning. Continuing to let go of my relationship to my former wife, healing companion, and soul-growth partner. This has brought me to many tears and awarenesses of who I was and have been in relationship to intimacy and romance. I have felt a closing off of my heart and a difficulty going into the core of my fear. This was a merging and fusion to my wounded inner masculine that has been on guard for most of my life.

He has been a wall builder and a camouflage artist. I do not say that with judgement, but with compassion and gratitude as I understand why. So much coming to light about how much he had to create a Secret World in order to protect my inner feminine, my sensitive heart. Fortunately it never became so hardened that I couldn’t fall in love, but it was the eventual shut-downs and push-aways that extinguished any fire that once burned hot.

I was guided in session to connect with this guarded inner masculine (i.e. Inner Protector) to feel what the walls were hiding and protecting. The walls were initially very formidable, yet were covered with foliage which suggested life. Underneath there was moisture which suggested a porosity. I found a doorway that led to another set of walls, only this time thinner and more shrub-like. It appeared as a maze or labyrinth.

As I continued, I heard a sweet song being sung with a feminine voice. I was lead to a river bank where a beautiful woman stood washing clothes. I was immediately taken to a timeline of a military man returning home from a long tour of duty, ashamed of how long he had been away and a fear that the woman he once loved may never forgive him because he had never forgiven himself.

While this felt specific, it was also symbolic. The inner masculine having been doing its ‘duty’ for so long that he had created a Secret World to protect Her. His beloved counterpart that he had almost forgotten about in the day to day fear of being seen and witnessed as lonely, tired, and unforgivable. He could feel alone, but not his loneliness.

That feels like the crux of the wounded masculine. Feeling his genuine and vulnerable loneliness. His missing of the feminine. His forgotten aspect hidden in the depth of the psyche and heart. A man’s true journey, I am realizing, is this journey back to Her and the transparency of the Secret World he has created. The walls burn down and the Emperor wears no clothes.

It is in this space that new connection arises. She takes her space next to him. She sparks the fire and warms the hearth. Helps him to thaw from the journey of the cold and the hiding. He shakes and quivers, but is held by her. He releases and dies from what was, reimagining what could be. He may still build walls, for it was all he has known to do, but She will be there to help bring them down with love in her heart. To remind him again of the journey he took to find her once again. No longer a secret world, but an open world where only real love and truth reign.

I wanted to share this as an example of what this work can lead us to inside of ourselves. As a facilitator, I am in need of healing too. I am not perfect. Just human. A man that has chosen a path of confronting the very thing parts of him fear the most. Real Love. No matter how hardened or disconnected we become, we are always in reaction this force within us that will not be denied for it is our essence and destiny to let it reign. It is the very power that we seek as humans, only to have misinterpreted what that power really is. It is my desire and calling to serve and share that with the world.

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

INtimacy over INvisibility

By Raianna Shai

I haven’t written a post in a while as a lot has been shifting and growing in my world. A couple of weeks ago Kalayna and I spent a few days on Salt Spring and just this week we all spent time camping in Goldstream.

One theme that has been popping up a lot for myself as well as my entire community is intimacy in relationships. I have always had this tendency and even desire inside of me to be invisible. I was incredibly shy as a child, I never rose my hand in class, I chose to blend in for any social interaction. I had absolutely no desire to be seen or more vulnerably, to be judged by others.

It’s easy to get into a “mode” in every relationship in your life and it doesn’t take long to establish, even with new people. We find what frequency is most comfortable and what allows us to get along with this other person. What gets hard is when something gets triggered or rubs against something inside of us.

I have found that most people either push away their reactions towards others, judging them as unfair or just not worth it, or they push their reactions on others, without feeling what the impact might be or what’s going on inside of them. Both of these strategies allow us to hide, to put away the deeper and more vulnerable parts of us that go against the already agreed upon frequency that you have established in the relationship.

Parts of me fear that my truth will either end the relationship or deepen it. Both risking being seen for more than my persona. Going against the grain of what is comfortable in relationship is exactly what intimacy is all about.

You tell your truth, as messy as it gets, until one day you are transparent in every moment. Until you have no fear locking you into place and all of your words come from love for yourself and love for other. Until you trust that losing a relationship is okay and deepening a relationship is okay too. Until you are so centred inside of yourself that no level of intimacy can scare you away. Even when fear comes up there is progress and honesty about it all. That is when community can flourish and become something new and never done before.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Vulnerability In Relationship

By Raianna Shai

I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.

I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.

I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.

But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.

I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!

~~~

In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love

My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
Every bump
Every inconsistency
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface

Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself

You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity

I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Deep Human Fear Of Intimacy

by Kalayna Solais

One of the deepest fears of humanity seems to be intimacy. Relationships that deepen. These relationships are not just romantic either, though that is one of the most challenging grounds in which to work this fear. This also includes beloved friends, colleagues, the Divine… and yourself.

How intimate are you with yourself or parts of you? How intimate do you feel you are with the Divine and with others around you?

3D conditioning has created a block, a defense against intimacy. It reminds our soul too much of Oneness and our decision to separate in order to experience life here and learn through it, grow because of it, and rejoin into Oneness when it’s time to do so. It brings us back to the love we once trusted that somehow 3D life has taught us either doesn’t exist or it takes too much work to earn it.

To be intimate, starting with ourselves, is our birthright and the journey we came here to inhabit. It is the wellspring of Self Love which overflows the love that then is shared with others.

To be intimate also means being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is also scary for parts of you because of your conditioning that it somehow isn’t ok to not be ok.

And… to be vulnerable means to make space to feel and share love. It doesn’t just mean sharing your pain, it means sharing your tears of joy too, your celebration of others and yourself, your gratitude for the Divine and Its ever-loving support.

To be truly intimate with Self and others really offers us all a deepening journey of feeling every line of defense within and every case made by parts of us to keep guarding those defenses and keep them in place. To actually go inward and feel the fears is the deepest gift to offer these parts as they trust your space-holding more. They and you begin to feel naked to your own truths and bake in these opportunities for rebirth.

To begin to open your heart again after all you’ve walked out in THIS life let alone other lives, is no small feat and uncovers no small fears along the way. Yet with every tear of pain or joy or relief or anguish undoes the lock to another layer of who you’ve been and had to be until now and who parts of you have had to become in order to preserve the precious depths within you and within themselves too.

It is a deep passion of mine and my beloveds to support your unlocking and unfolding of all of these pieces… sessions with any of us are available for you and we would love to serve you:soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions ❤️

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Supermoon Energy: Self-Acceptance/Love While Soberly Looking Within

by Kalayna Colibri

“With masks down, I walk, talking to the moon, to the neutral impersonal force that does not hear, but merely accepts my being.” – Sylvia Plath

The moon supports life on earth. She represents the Divine Mother while the Sun represents the Divine Father. They move in concert with each other, both bringing us into life, both very much with all of us as we walk through life. Both offer us codes, frequencies to integrate, vibrations of love that help us see ourselves and where we need to go next, as well as how far we’ve already come.

This Supermoon today brings us this message of love. Of a self-embracement and growing sense of self-love and appreciation for where and who we are right now, for this place, this being, is not where or who we’ll be forever. We all have more layers to see that need healing, that need our sober eye to look at them, but that need our love more than anything else. Loving others isn’t a mandate, it’s an opportunity that arises from the love we have within.

The Supermoon always feels intimate to me. It’s Mother giving us more illumination of our shadow, but the biggest piece that I think is always in our shadow, is the denial of love from ourselves to ourselves. The lens that tells us that love is scarce and that we have to do an awful lot to really earn the right to be loved and to feel loved. We are being invited to feel how love for ourselves has been conditional and to start feeling how destructive and harmful this is… not just because it harms parts of us that need us, but because it is does ultimately impact everyone around us too. The seeds of love have to be planted in the heart-garden within. Then we can show up with love for and with each other form the flourishing harvest that results.

“Can you start to love what has felt unlovable? Can you take care of all you’ve been given, all challenging situations, all parts of your heart and aspects of your soul, all areas of your sacred human body? Can you begin to see how you’ve withheld love and care for others because of insecurity, a feeling of lack of love within? Can you, will you, begin to look at what’s been neglected, even the harsh voices and parts within you, that need you more than anything else? More than more yoga, more than more food, more than more of anything material or physical or mental you could offer to help it feel temporarily better?” These are the questions I feel these energy waves offering today… these are the places I feel we are being invited to go within, to start the open-hearted investigation into who we all are in this now… and to begin to feel who and how we most want to be going forward, especially with ourselves.

This is going in very much on a personal level for me too in the moment, feeling appreciation for where my journey has led me and what is yet to open out. A new phase of Queen is arising as I move into ‘married life’ on a soul and heart level with Gabriel. I feel this Queen energy arising in relationship to my body, to service of love through SoulFullHeart, to Gabriel my beloved, to my other beloveds and most intimate relationships, to any crucibles that come my way in my own healing process. I feel how the Supermoon energies support King and Queenness to arise more through this process of deepening self-love for all who are ready to let that invitation in. It’s very much a time for deepening personal process yet the process of connection with others and service of love too in this collective we are all a part of.

Much love to you as you feel all of this with your own heart and parts!

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Poultice Of Love And The Fear Of Intimacy

Wow! What a response the last couple of days to our engagement. Thank you so much to everyone who left your well-wishes and congratulations.

One thing I took away from it all is that one way or another we all seek Love. Maybe there are parts that may feel despair, doubt, or indifference to it, but at our core we love Love. The only thing that gets similar reactions is anything based on Fear. So in some ways, we have parts that love Fear too. Yeah, I know, an oxymoron.

This is the sacred dance though. The two poles of our BEing that seem at odds but are just trying to reconcile each other. As we all continue to heal our Selves with Love and for the sake of Love, we enter a new relationship to Fear. Something shifts in the power structure. The deepening commitment and claim of this romance with Kalayna will certainly bring up another layer of this relationship to fear of intimacy. Deep transformational intimacy that takes us to the core of our deepest traumas and pains that can only surface from the poultice of Love.

So the collective response is saying to me, “YES! Keep going! Keep feeling the edges of this because I want this too!” or “YES! Bring more of this into the world as it adds to mine as well!”. Even if Kalayna and I don’t “make it” in the long run, we are committing ourselves to this deeper healing that has collective and personal consequences. “Success” is only determined if we feel everything we to feel and say everything we need to say while we are engaged in this marriage of Soul and Heart. We are bound by this in desire, not duty.

I feel to continue this exploration of marriage, intimacy, love, and fear through the heart of the Masculine. What is its relationship and desire to those very things? Right now it is about being centered in Heart while exploring the Soul in healing the parts of me still in shadow around intimacy with the Feminine. It is a sacred one that I accept with dedication and passion.

If you are a man or a woman with this rising desire in you, stay tuned for more. I am also available for sessions to support you along the journey of this sacred healing and letting in of Love. Thank you so much again for all the outpouring of support and love for us both. ❤

*****

Painting by Eduardo Rodriguez Calzado

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

The Gifts Of Intimacy And Sacred Union

Our biggest mirrors lie in our most intimate relationships, especially those that are romantic. That which lies in the deepest shadow places can really only ever be seen and felt in those connections whose dynamics bring us to the edge of our defenses and vulnerability. We get to  feel the depth of our own self and what it is that we have been unaware of in the way we relate to life and love.

True sacred union is meant to offer us the means to explore and feel the ways in which we have kept our shadow and light sequestered for very reasonable reasons. It is an ongoing experiential playground in which we get to grow and learn. Each time we open our hearts to the most vulnerable of places, the parts of us that have been so timid and sensitive to bearing their deepest fears, we bring our being to a precipice or a fork in the road. How will my truth, my needs, my love, land in the person that we, and parts of us, have so much invested in?

These investments have different roots…some more wounded or authentic than others. The true sacred union continually asks questions about what is the authentic feeling ground between both partners. Is there a deepening occurring? Is there a feeling of a new arising, both in yourself and in the other, as you continue to heal all that resists real love and growth?

I have been so used to being in my own personal healing space over the years. It has been a newer experience for me to bring that into the space that is now populated with another. It is a new level of showing up for myself and a union with Kalayna. I do have parts that have had habit of coasting in relationship, both to a mate and myself. Sacred union and intimacy pokes a stick at that to keep the fire of consciousness and romance alive and in continued curiosity and expression.

The edges come when one is feeling a chasm of relationality in the space between. What needs to be felt and expressed that can open a doorway to a more authentic felt reality? The inherent risk, of course, is that there may be a difficult yet necessary acceptance that the ground between lovers and mates is no longer sufficient to keep the current inner need for More alive and transactable.

The ground of metasoul connections, sexual compatibility, intellectual alignments, or emotional dependency are not enough in and of themselves to hold together a Love that wants ALL areas of heart, body, mind, and soul to be met with passion and purpose. The more we are willing to feel and express our own needs, truths, and desires the more we are able to attract the kind of love that we feel for ourselves. The more we are willing to take these in from another, and conflict if need be to sort out what is real, the more we are able to find new places of growth and love within ourselves.

I am so fortunate to be in this with someone who cares so deeply for herself, her parts, and process, as well me, my parts, and my process. There is no way I get to stay stuck in something that may be hard for me to see. I am urged to advocate for my needs and for what I want and desire in her. She is a true gift of realness to me. She is the wind to my sails if I am willing to stick them out there.  I get to show up for that and I am forever grateful to what she means to my continued growth, expansion, and leadership of heart for men and women in the desire for the More they have signed up for.

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SoulFullHeart is healing and integration process that explores your inner world through the connection and feeling of parts and metasoul aspects. This is the self to self relationship that opens the doorway to deeper connection of self to other in intimacy and romance. It is a catalytic and expansive work that opens to a new world of sacred human consciousness and relationality. 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Realizing The Reality Of Soul Community Intimacy, Goodness, And Love

by Kalayna Colibri

I can’t think of a single thing that is sweeter than my soul family community. Intimacy in the most genuine and heartfelt sense is shared with mutual reverence and flowing love. Codependent ties or binds are felt and moved through, healed through, to let in more genuine love without any sense of duty, obligation or resentment.

If this sounds ideal to you, I totally get it.
And this reality doesn’t come without a cost, first and ongoingly.

It is a heart and soul investment. It is a money investment, too. I choose to contribute to my community financially every month through teaching English online. This helps to fund our efforts to grow our healing work, to welcome more souls into our community as resonance deepens and their own commitment to their own SoulFullHeart path deepens. Until my own soul purpose of facilitating this powerful work deepens and living into that means no more need to teach English. This is a choice that I feel and talk about and check-in with and one that I choose to renew every month because I can’t imagine doing anything else.

My own path of deepening in this community has been extensive and deep and it continues to deepen with each next ‘yes’ moment of commitment and desire to being here with me, with them. I have let go of much… I have felt through many layers of entitlement, of non-relationality, of non-vulnerability, of fear, of rejection-reactions… I continue to feel myself and my parts in every moment, to truly let in MORE love, starting from me to me, that then gets to transact with my community, my teachers, my beloveds.

Nothing ‘ideal’ or dream-worthy can come to your life and reside in your reality without being willing to awaken around every corner, to hold the dream and vision alive that what you want can and WILL come to you, as you go to it through your inward tunnel-digging and mining. This community, this healing path where there is so much nourishment and love, cannot become real until you can become real. And I feel this everytime I am gifted with the opportunity of another moment with each person around me and the resonance we share.

This writing today comes on the heels of a wonder-filled day, that happened to be a birthday celebration for a dear facilitant and soul friend. We all shared love with her and with each other, digesting all of the frustrations and openings and reactions and inner processes of this past week, which really was one of the toughest weeks we have had as a community in a long time. Yet, instead of reacting and becoming divided amongst us when the pressure was on and the chaos was high, we came closer to ourselves and then closer together, as we always seem to do. It actually strengthened our resolve and clarity and visions individually and as a community and our boundaries became stronger, too. Our boundaries that state very strongly who we are, what we are offering, and what we are worth.

All that said, there is still time to join us for our group call today, to experience our group Merkabah yourself, to dip a toe in the SoulFullHeart pool and see what it may offer you in resonance, healing, and love. It’s an $11 usd min. donation to join in, and if you can’t make it today at 11:11am CST, you can join us next month or the month after… we have many ways in which you can choose your next steps of engagement with us, including individual session space. For more information on the group call today, please go here: https://www.facebook.com/events/157662331543311/

Love to you and WITH you… 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

When Sacred Intimacy Finds You Brother, Go In Not Away

Blog Collage

She comes into your life like a surging storm of passion and purpose. Or she may have been there all along waiting on the wings of your heart until you were ready to truly see her and let her in. Either way your life will not be the same because she won’t let it. She is not here to be the complacent companion or the sexy sidekick. She is here to invite you to feel your deepest fears and MANifest your greatest expression of being. You drew her because you were ready to move beyond the confines of casual comfort. Ready to inhabit your inner King and challenge the places that you have been stuck in growth.

She is the sacred feminine seeking her sacred masculine counterpart. She lights up your divine inspiration, opens and deepens your wounded and healing heart, she sparks your passion and creativity. She also brings in a mirror. A reflection of your largess that is hard to let in because you have parts that have yet to see it in themselves. Her fire highlights the places within you that are dampened and protected. You feel the places where she is dangerous to the parts of you you didn’t know you had until you went deeper into your truth.

Yeah. Your truth. What is real inside of that masculine heart of yours? Do you feel where parts of you have cordoned off the rage, the hurt, the fear of being seen in totality? There is much in the wounded male heart that has been buried in reaction to what lies in the recesses of our shadow. A collective and personal feeling of unworthiness with rumblings of other lives of suppression and dominance. Of being repressed and dominated. What would come out of your mouth if the gates were left open? This is the unknown world that sacred intimacy is guiding you into and it is a scary yet luminous journey.

She is the one I never knew I was looking for. She brings edges and mountains to a flatter world a part of me had created to keep thing the same. It is holding space for the deeper feelings of the parts of me that may not be all on board to this type of intimacy as they have been safely enjoying anonymity. She engages my leading edge while advocating to feel my trailing edge of truth in its realness. She calls for me to challenge her in her bigness as a challenge to my past care-taking. It is getting dirty and muddy when we have found ourselves at a dissonance to feel where we are truly in resonance. The end is always possible while the infinite is right at hand. This is a brave new world for me and for her.

I know my beloved Kalayna and I are just in our sacred infancy in some ways but we have been through much together. We have the blessed modeling of Raphael and Jelelle and yet we have our own challenges and uniqueness. I have much to feel and show up for in this continued deepening. As a man, there is a lot to trust and a lot to stand up for within myself. This can only be done by truly feeling the parts of us that hold resistance and passion both. This is the true passion ground of our sacred masculinity and heart-open sexuality. With Her, you and I will never be the same.

 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Emotosomatic Healing: The Deep Roots Of Parts Work

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My recent back and neck pain has found a home in my heart. What I mean by that is that through a deep emotional movement and process with my beloved Kalayna, and energy sessions with Jelelle, the intense spasms and stiffness got felt in a deeper emotive root. The part of me that was using the pain as a protection and a way to get my attention was able to surrender into vulnerability and trust in the open hearts of both myself and my mate. It was an experience that demonstrated the power of our emotions and intimacy to transmute and heal.

Though the term “psychosomatic” is more commonly used, we feel that it is the emotional body that is ‘upstream’ of the mental body. Our emotions are energy in motion that translate into thoughts that have their own waveform and power. So, yes, what I was thinking was having a huge impact on my body, but what I was thinking was stemming from an emotive ground. So more specifically our physical ailments are “emotosomatic”, as coined by Jelelle.  This is an agreeably mental distinction, but it feels important to highlight how physical pain is framed in SoulFullHeart without a claim that we have THE answer. It comes from our experience. One that is very evident to me.

The original source came from waking up one morning, after Kalayna and I had decided to move in together, with slight neck and back pain. This grew in intensity without an experience of an outside event such as a fall. It grew so fast and so intensely  that it rendered me on the couch, as even walking in the neighborhood felt painful. Kalayna and I were not able to really be close to each other as the pain found its way between us. While it is easy for our 3D self to take it at face value and just deal with the reality at hand, if we are to truly embody that what we experience IS a creation of our own power and making, then what was the suffering and pain all about? This is the place to go in curiosity and true self-awareness.

A part of me was using the severity of the pain as a way not to really feel the deeper root underneath it all. I found myself fusing to the pain, meaning I wasn’t able to see outside of it. For those that have major chronic pain, it is understandable and I get it. BUT, if we are to truly get through the pain it needs be gotten under. This is where conscious intimacy, especially romantic, can have such a powerful effect. Kalayna, and a part of her, had to be honest with its impact on us and her.

It was hard to feel that, and not feel the impulse to be defensive and resort to a state of powerlessness. In the tears, we felt our romantic past and how a pattern was repeating itself. I could begin to feel the difference between me now and me then and how much I, Gabriel, needed and wanted a sacred union but another part of me was in resistance for various reasons.  Using her gift of intuition, she helped me to feel some other dimensional layers that resulted in a vulnerable holding of an aspect of me that has been in isolation for so long. The touch of another brought significant tears that held the energy of trauma and loneliness.

The next day I found myself in a dramatically different physical space and was even to go out to dinner and enjoy some walking around town. Totally unimaginable the day before, as I could barely get off the couch and walk around the apartment. More poignantly, I am feeling this aspect of me in my heart and not in my spine any more. The pain was felt at its root and is now a process in my heart that I can  be with consciously. A deepening occurred between Kalayna and myself and we can now start to feel what else is there for us to feel with the pain out of the way. It brought us to a vista of what lies between our hearts and souls to heal.

I felt very inspired to share this personal experience to demonstrate the power of parts work and the nature of pain as based in the emotional body. There is so much to learn about ourselves and what lies in between us and real love. There are souls that have taken on huge physical challenges that are meant for their own growth in ways that can only be illuminated by going into the heart and feeling the hidden pain that lies in the deep emotional and spiritual roots.  What is it that your soul is wanting you to finally heal? Ask your pain. Ask for help.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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