By Jillian Vriend
We are being offered an invitation to move beyond compartmentalization in our lives. The defensive aspects of our persona create compartments (both energetically and emotionally) to hold back love and desire from flowing into all areas of our lives. We may also compartmentalize our “work self” from the person that we are at home; or our public service persona from who we are in private; or our spiritual seeker from our practical side. I feel this is also what happens when people attend weekend or week long spiritual seminars, have a “peak experience”, and yet have difficulty integrating it into their daily lives long term. The experience and our authentic response to it has been put in a compartment by our defenses, waiting a time when it will feel safe to express this way again. In all of this compartmentalizing, we are essentially resistant to letting our natural essence arise and flow through every moment and in response to every situation in our lives.
The invitation from the Divine is that we can flow into life from our natural essence, on the current of love, and in every arising moment. This invitation is offered to us now….and now…..and now. It is our minds, our conditioning, our conforming to a linear-based culture, and, most of all, our fear of not having love and not being liked, that keeps us in these compartments. It is much easier to be rejected and feel shut out by people if we are only actually bringing a portion of ourselves (and a highly formed version) rather than our whole authentic and unpredictable selves!
An example of this from my past was when I worked as a business coach and manager during the work week and engaged in my spiritual/emotional passion calling on weekends and “off work times.” My authentic expression and true passion was reserved by my defenses to come out only when it felt safe for it to, when I was in group circles where everyone else was being this way, in an individual facilitation session, or when I was alone with my parts.
In the beginning, this compartmentalization was comfortable and actually not even conscious to me. I also compartmentalized my romantic relationship away from my spiritual/emotional work as my mate at the time didn’t accept and understand what I was engaged with. It felt easier to keep that side of myself contained off from him because whenever I brought it up we would fight and have conflict about it.
Yet, the more I opened my heart, my soul, and myself through the work that I was engaging in, the harder it became to just go to work in the office and separate that from my “personal life.” And also it became more painful and difficult to separate my romance from my deepening relationship with the Divine and the one with myself and my parts. Eventually, the love and desire were in overflow enough that it became possible to make the changes that I needed to in order to end the compartmentalization. This meant the end of the relationship, although it didn’t necessarily have to be that way if he had felt drawn to engage in the same healing process that I did (which he didn’t.) And, this also meant the eventual moving on to a full time focus on offering my spiritual and emotional healing gifts to others and out of business coaching.
These changes took tremendous courage and also lots of breathing space, time, love, and negotiating with and feeling of my defenses. As the compartments became fewer and fewer, the dam holding back my natural essence and love collapsed and an overflow of love, desire, passion, flooded into my life. This flood continues in this moment as a tendency to compartmentalize my life is moved through with a fresh flow of love from the Divine or in connection with Wayne or in an offering during a SoulFullHeart session where I am learning and growing, even as I am offering to others a way to respond to life and love.
My current guidance is to feel the painting contracting work that I am doing is as sacred as the healing work that I am offering. That the Jillian who holds a paint brush is the same as the one who is holding someone’s heart desires and fears.
And, I feel in embracing this offering that there is less resistance to working, more sweetness and enjoyment of it, and a sense of honoring and service that just is no matter what I am doing or engaged with. There is more surrender to trust love will flow and find its way, even through conflict and difficulty. There is more trust that the container of love that has no boundaries, limitations, or compartments!
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