Category: SoulFullHeart Healing Process

Reunion With My Beloved

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

In just two days, Jasper and I will be reuniting as I pick him up from the airport here in Portugal. We’ve had quite a four year history of ins and outs, together and separate, right next to each other and worlds apart. In the last two years, we have been in completely different countries coming in and out of contact with each other, and even in and out of romantic exploration.

On that day, two years ago, I made a huge, life altering choice. I chose to end our relationship, let go of the dogs that have been in my family years, and move to Portugal to be with my Soulfullheart community. It was not easy, nor did it come without falter or doubt, but I knew in a moment of empowerment that I was choosing myself and my soul. I had to trust that on a higher level, it was right for the both of us, despite how painful the separation felt.

This phase of being long distance has been such a deep time of individuation and self discovery for both of us. I feel now how important it is to have the time to heal enough of your inner wounding and gain a more centered connection to the divine in order to let in something as deep as a sacred union. By sacred union, I mean connection on all levels and consistently working on your own inner world in order to transact together on the outside.

I spent a long time rebuilding myself, finding out who I am now and who I want to be moving forward. I learned so much from sisterhood about how to be intimate, set boundaries, ask for what you need and how to share my heart more vulnerably. I’ve grown more of a center and a deep sense of self in this individuation, though it will always be an ongoing process.

Our connection together has ebbed and flowed over this time as well. We didn’t talk for a while, then needed to for practical reasons. I felt done with the ground that we left our relationship on but my care for him never left. Many times we rode the line of getting back together and entering into a new phase of relationship. But each time I had to say no, or the divine circumstances said no, when it still didn’t feel like the right time.

This last round was different. We started out different. In a much more raw, tender and real way. Sharing our deepest fears, most vulnerable pains, and even our anger and desires. This conversation represented a timeline split of either a deeper goodbye or a new kind of hello. In turned out, it sparked the beginning of a new foundation going forward.

I’m so unbelievably grateful to have had all this time as a single woman to mend the parts that felt broken, to rise into a form of queen inside of myself, and reconcile some of the old patterns and behaviours that existed in our previous relationship. Neither of us moved on, neither of us forgot about each other, and neither of us was ever vilified by the other.

Every sacred union journey is unique and different. For me it took time, creating a relationship with the divine, and creating a home inside that was so safe, no part of me felt abandoned or lost in the dark. Now it’s time to make room for this outer masculine beloved and to start life together in collaboration and exploration! 💛

The attached pictures are the very first picture we ever took together and the very last before I left Canada!

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Experience of Soul Family | Kasha Rokshana & Raianna Shai (Video)

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

It’s a time of year when desires for new kinds of bonds and relationships can arise while you ‘deal with’ the toxicity and non-resonance of your current ones. Parts of you may feel truly obligated to stay connected to these bonds (which can feel/be more like ‘binds’) and also hold fear about what would happen if they were to be let go of.

The invitation of Christ/Magdalene consciousness, this time of year especially with the codes coming in, is to feel into these dynamics and also feel into your desires to experience true soul family.

In this video, Raianna and I share about and digest our personal experiences of being a part of this soul family of SoulFullHeart, along with what we’ve experienced with others who have come and gone from our midst. We also share about what we personally want to experience more of with others. We talk about the mirrors we hold for each other and where the intimacy of our bonds here take us both within and together.

We hope you enjoy this insider’s view on our very small (for now!) soul family community and some of the ins and outs we’ve experienced so deeply!

Love,

Kasha & Raianna

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Raianna Shai is a member of the SoulFullHeart Healing community.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

The Multidimensionality Of Being A Woman

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

There are so many buried emotions that live within the feminine. So many lifetimes of suppression, persecution and judgement have colored our souls leading us now to either feel small and unworthy or constantly fighting against feeling this way again. Both of these frequencies keep us from being in our full bigness and empowerment as women – and instead allow these pains to keep us from embodying peace and divine love within.

I’ve noticed a theme in the collective lately, even in the last few years of hating men. Ranging from a distaste to true disgust. This always bothered a part of me as I have known so many wonderful and caring men in my life. Yet in a recent process of mine I was looking back on my teenage years and remembered a time that the boys in my high school acted in a way that made the girls feel belittled, judged and truly demeaned as if the only thing we had to offer were our looks. When going back to this time I felt more rage than I have ever felt in my life. It was coursing through my veins to the point of shaking and cursing.

It was a feeling I haven’t allowed myself to feel often in my life, for fear of hurting others or being judged for the intensity of it. But after so many years of this anger being suppressed I finally had a safe enough container inside to let it all out toward this specific memory. What came after was a realization that much of this energy came from the “killer queen” who feels like an archetype that many women have within them to some degree. She has formed from lifetimes of the feminine being treated as lesser than the masculine and not being able to express our gifts. Not even coming close to being cherished and honoured for them.

And yet, we chose this for a reason. We chose to live out and express this feminine/masculine dance and to hopefully heal from it and move into something brand new. I feel the need for humanity to go through this cycle of a pendulum swing from the masculine being in power, to the feminine reclaiming it’s power. Both extremes come at a cost yet I can see the other side of it. What comes next is true collaboration, respect and care between the masculine and feminine. A bond so yearned for and desired that it can’t help but unfold exponentially within each of us and then collectively. I feel this is something all of our souls have been waiting for.

Jelelle led a group call about the inner mother/matriarch that I feel really ties into this theme. As Kasha mentioned in her recent post, the inner mother has had to express as more masculine because of the lack of true masculine support on the outside. In her heart she wants to be able to lean in and discover who she really is as a woman. I feel the more shadowy matriarch energy too in the anger towards the masculine, often drawing more of that wounded masculine energy in her frustration and anger.

As we feel and heal the inner mother/matriarch we begin to understand more of who we are as women and the frequencies we’ve chosen to live in – inside and out. We’ve inherited so much from our birth mothers and mother figures in our lives that getting to know this part of us is key in unlocking what is truly ours to hold. And eventually, we can move through the anger and into a place of forgiveness for self and the masculines we’ve experienced in our lives. Coming back into peace and self love, only to draw more of that on the outside.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Validate Every Part Of You (Video)

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

It’s so important to validate every feeling you have, as they lead you into such deep connection with different parts of you and into such transformation of your life inside and out as well. 

It can feel like a lot to feel sometimes, and a lot to digest, yet making space to be with what’s real for you/your parts/your heart and soul is truly where it’s at and in my experience, it leads to more openings within and with the divine as well. It can also lead to more openings with others who truly resonate… and help you sort out/let go of the relationships that don’t. 

I hold space for women who want to engage deeper in this process and it’s such an honour to do so! Visit soulfullheart.org/sessions for more info on free intro calls and 1:1 sessions which are for a negotiated rate. 

Love,

Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

A Bigger Purpose For Your Healing: A Poem

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

The gift of your healing efforts
Is the revelation
Of your own healing gifts.

Those divine energies
That support you
Are also invited
To move through you to others.

What else could our healing be for
Besides nourishing ourselves enough,
Reuniting with our souls enough,
Embodying our divinity and humanity enough,
So that we can truly support others
To find that they too
Are ‘enough’,
And arising together
In purer and purer
Heart frequencies?

Expressing our gifts
In an egoic,
False light,
False God way,
Tells us that ‘enough’ doesn’t exist,
That perpetual suffering is ‘normal’,
That in order to lead
We must be worthy,
We must be infallible,
We must be elevated
By projected perfection
And pictures of
‘Enlightenment’.

In all of this
Parts of us forget
That being humble,
Real,
Transparent,
Desirous of our true selves,
Needy for the Divine,
Hungry for pure love,
And messily striving
For more intimacy
And resonance
With others
Is the truest,
Deepest path
To healing
And
To offering healing
In all ways,
In all relationships,
While living into our capacity
To be that heart that others lean into
As they rediscover
And purify
Their own.

The wounded heart and soul
Within
Is meant to move
To softer, gentler
Landing places
Where love truly reigns
And the suffering you’ve felt
For oh, so long…
Can finally find its way
Back to the bliss
And blessed joy
That your soul remembers,
That your parts ache for,
That your Divine Self
Is anchoring
And wanting everything within
To ask for,
Need,
And let in.

Beloved,
This is your birthright…
To heal and let heal,
To love yourself
So you can truly love others,
And to expand
Your consciousness
As you wake up
And shake off
The sleepy lullaby
Of the Matrix world…
Remembering
And rediscovering
Everything that is truly amazing
About life,
About love,
And above all…
About you
And all that lives within.

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Healing Inner Punishment Through Currency and Love

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Something has been shifting deep within me to a place I haven’t quite reached yet before. I’ve always struggled to access and allow the parts of me that have opinions, reactions or feelings that are judged inside of me. They were invalidated as too much, unnecessary, unfair, harsh, immature, unimportant and anything else you can imagine.

I’ve been working with this part of me called the Ursula who is very matriarchal and has been deeply hijacked by the matrix. On the other side of the coin is my inner punisher who shows up as a dark cloud to instil this feeling of dread, foreboding and shame. Their names are Octavia and Nimbus.

I first started connecting to Octavia, many months ago but much deeper the last few weeks, and realized that she was a large source of my power, discernment and truth as a woman. She would feel opinions or reactions to things and Nimbus would shut them down immediately and go straight to the logical and more docile response. For example, if someone said something to hurt my feelings and Octavia had a reaction to it, then Nimbus would set those feelings aside and jump to the knowing that “They didn’t mean it that way” or that “It came from a certain part of them for a reason”.

Now I’ve finally let in the fact that this strategy doesn’t allow for Octavia to be felt and often she is feeling something very valid and useful for the other person to hear. Allowing her to share her reaction would bring me a greater understanding of myself and of the other person. It would bring us closer and drop any walls that might still linger between us. But this was far too intimate and could lead to hurt in Nimbus’s eyes.

Over the last few weeks I’ve finally felt ready to release Octavia from this bind and let her speak her heart and mind when she needs to. I’ve shared some (albeit small but current) reactions with some of my beloveds in this community and honestly it couldn’t have gone better.

With Bianca we were able to understand each other on a deeper level and learn more about ourselves and the ways we have operated throughout our lives. With Kasha I was able to uncover a habit of mine that kept me from connecting with others more deeply. We ended up having deep tears about how much we love each other and how much we have been through together.

Each experience allowed me to validate whatever Octavia was feeling no matter how small or “trivial” it might be judged as. Every reaction has a purpose whether it’s to understand more about yourself or to become more intimate with others. I finally understand what it feels like to be current and not hold back in the name of being polite, nice or easygoing. Those are all ideals that have kept me small and in a box of my own creation, not allowing all the flavours and colours of my being to show up and be seen.

Ever since this started I’ve felt this existential change in my being. Last night I imagined it like all my molecules have been thrown up in the air and are coming back down in a new arrangement. I am being changed by this and I can see and feel it in a way I never have before. I am claiming all that I deserve to feel inside and out and giving all the love I can give – inside and out.

Hopefully this sparks an inspiration in you to feel the parts of you that are judging any reactions you have and are preventing you from being current with those around you. Love is current and currency is love. ♥️

Raianna Shai
Soulfullheart Experience

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

A Message To Gatekeepers: Unification/Forgiveness/Reconciliation/Light Codes And Yeshua/Magdalene/Christ Consciousness Available Right Now To Tap Into And Download

Published on by Bianca Magdalene3 Comments

By Bey Magdalene

In my last session with Jelelle we met my actual/new Gatekeeper as she wanted to bridge me to my higher dimensional Gatekeeper for support. Who came forward was an energy that in the course of the session would call himself ‘Sampson’. We found him in a scene very similar to the Matrix movie. He was staring at thousands upon thousands of those pods from the movie, all representing an incarnation into a Matrix timeline in my soul. I could see many of them actually awakening from their slumber, sitting up and becoming aware of themselves, unplugging and rinsing off the Matrix waters. My soul awakening. 

He was watching those pods and seeing and feeling all the pain, trauma and victimization all of these metasoul aspects of mine were experiencing. It was as if he was experiencing those timelines himself, through my soul aspects, just by witnessing them. He was caught in a sticky web and couldn’t see anything else. 

Jelelle asked him to take a step back and to try and project this experience onto a screen, so he could start to differentiate from them and breathe. He projected those timelines onto a screen and there were many others, showing all the traumatizing Matrix timelines. It looked like a control center with all those monitors. That gave him some distance to these experiences and he could start to differentiate from them and not feel as if they were happening to him. 

Jelelle was inviting him to turn to nature to further help him unplug from his fusion to those matrix timelines. He was dialing in a big tree with a very thick trunk with deep roots and a sizable, overarching canopy. He touched the textured bark and started to rest by the tree. Then, magically, little light sparkles came through the tree that felt like Divine inspiration coming through. He started feeling and becoming lighter and started feeling hope. Tears could stream as well through Divine love and support.

That was pretty much all he could let in at that time and then he needed to go rest and retreat again. 

I have been connecting with him since and I could feel that it was him who had already unplugged so much in my process over the past few months, plug after plug. I started to get answers to questions I’ve been having about this life.  

I’ve had many deep tears with him since, sometimes he would cry for an hour straight, when I would feel with him the Love and loyalty he has for me and my soul and how he has tried to protect me this life through some really thick veils of keeping me naive/uninformed about core issues in this world or by suppressing my awakening that tried to happen ten years ago already and still has been controlling/capping it to this day. 

There has also been a lot of shame and guilt in him and unworth too, about not being able to really do anything for me or protect my metasoul aspects from trauma.  

Initially, he would show up like light shaped in human form and he was a bit elusive. He felt he didn’t deserve a face or shape because he couldn’t protect my soul, he couldn’t help my other expressions/incarnations in other lifetimes.  

A couple of days ago then he actually took a form and represented himself as a (Roman) warrior with helmet, shield and sword. His protection had become overprotective I could feel and he could feel that too and he started to loosen his grip around it, as he started recognizing my bigness and the power of my heart and of feeling. 

Since I started awakening on a deeper level to how our world is set up and works since the beginning of this ‘pandemic’, I have felt very drawn to the mind control aspect of it all and particularly the trauma based programming that celebrities receive in order to have them fall in line with the elite agenda, whose darkest expressions include satanic rituals. After having needed a break from taking in anything related to that kind of thing and generally alternative/actual news/facts on world/current or historical events, my interest in them has been sparked again since meeting Sampson. 

I have started to take in some comprehensive articles again that are very well researched and explain in detail about all the Cabal structures, events and expressions in the entertainment industrial complex (a good site for this is The Vigilant Citizen, if you are curious yourself). I have been particularly drawn to the MK Ultra programming in the music industry and even more specifically the Beta/Sex Kitten programming that creates sex slaves for the elite. 

Two nights ago, something peaked for me in that area and I could feel that my heightened interest in this topic was actually what we call in SoulFullHeart a ‘bleed-through’… I could feel a Satanic timeline coming through. It felt like a portal was opened through taking in these articles and I could see and feel the female human sacrifice on the altar and a ceremony master whose incantations of certain words opened up a portal to the underbelly of humanity and invoked very dark spirits. I could feel that Sampson was living there too, with my metasoul aspect, trying to help her by being there as a support/to witness, and because he’s loyal and just sucked into the trauma too. 

I was realizing afterwards that this timeline/portal had already bled through in the past for me. It was about 2.5 years ago and I remember feeling completely fused to that bleed through and being terrified to death. Back then, I was living a very nomadic lifestyle, moving from workaway to workaway (a type of work exchange for food and shelter) and my Gatekeeper was drawing quite some intense drama/trauma as well, to get my attention and look on the inside where that trauma lived. My inner and outer circumstances were not providing a save space to explore this timeline in. Now, I am settling deeper into my own little 1-bedroom-apartment/sanctuary here in Central Portugal, I am in a much more loving place on the inside, having felt and moved so many parts of myself from hell to heaven, and I’m surrounded by community who can support me in my inner explorations.

Yesterday was a very powerful Yeshua/Christ Consciousness portal day and the codes were streaming in undeniably. In my check-in with him yesterday morning, I didn’t feel that it was timely to go into this timeline because he felt very beat and in despair. That is also the kind of timeline I’d want support with, so it would be perfect for session or group setting. Instead, I felt to bridge him to some Divine love and support, like I have tried in many of my connections with him, but he hadn’t been ready for it thus far. I needed to feel more of his pain with him first.  

Yesterday morning, I needed to feel with him first that trauma, the matrix and even Satan is more real to him than God. It is really interesting, I have to say at this point, that the fear of feeling something is always, always more disempowering and rendering our parts and aspects impotent than actually feeling the feeling. As soon as I felt that feeling with him, it dissipated and the hopelessness and despair that accompanied that notion, too. 

I saw a staircase made from light that was leading up to the Divine/to a higher dimension and it felt like an invitation for Sampson to move into his higher timeline and into Divine support. I could feel his reticence and him not wanting to abandon my soul and leave my soul aspects alone in their trauma.  

Then I felt next to me very clearly Yeshua and that he wanted to talk with Sampson. So I took a moment to feel into him and his message more as I really wanted to help Sampson and myself too and end this cycle of suffering inside of myself. 

When I tuned into him, he had this to offer to my Gatekeeper: ‘I feel your precious loyalty towards Bey and her soul. Thank you so much for all your love and protection for her! But you actually don’t have to hold the soul anymore, you can‘t even, really, especially if you are in so much despair over it. You have been fused to Bey’s Matrix incarnations, living them yourself, feeling they are you. That way, you haven’t been able to see Bey’s soul bigness and trust and lean into that. You are in a trauma bond with Bey‘s soul… Is that fair to say?’ 

He came through very clearly, directly and very embodied too, which was a first for me. When I took a step back and was trying to feel Sampson and how he was taking in what Yeshua was offering, I could feel him a bit confused and disoriented. He didn‘t quite know who was talking. He asked: ‘Is that you, God?’ It took a little while for him but eventually he could let the Divine in the form of Yeshua in and had tears. His tears are just so precious! He responded: ‘Yes, that’s fair to say’… Yeshua reached his hand out to him and invited him to come with him up the stairs to anchor in a higher dimension, to rest, recover and receive support and Love from the Divine. I saw the shackles around his ankles that have tied him to the Matrix opening through the light. 

Before stepping on the stairs, he looked back at me and started to cry again because he didn’t want to leave me and my soul alone. But I actually need him to go with Yeshua now, I need him to leave my body and my field as I want and need to feel myself more and become more solid in myself.  

My guides can also offer him many other things and give him the kind of support that I as a human can’t give him. There’s only so much that I can feel with him and my human heart can support him in but eventually there comes a time where he has to go off and get Divine support, support from my soul and the soul family monad.  

Gatekeepers as disincarnate beings are also not made for the human realm. It is not their environment, their natural habitat if you will, they are not relational like humans either and they just have different needs than we do. So this dimension does not suit them. They do belong to a different one, they have just forgotten. They can still come back and be the Divine muse for their humans and be in a collaborative relationship with them. So, if they decide to differentiate from their human, they won’t ‘lose’ the connection to them. On the contrary, they will have a much more nourishing one with them, or even have one to begin with. 

After reading Raphael’s Golden Nugget from yesterday (77 words of Raphael wisdom every day, here is the link to the one I‘m referring to), I am realizing that Sampson has been able to come up and out because my light as Bey has been shining onto my shadow where he had been hiding. He couldn’t come out with Bianca as he was way too fused to her and thinking he WAS her, living life AS her. 

I feel I am telling you all this and letting you in on my very intimate connection and relationship with my Gatekeeper because I feel there are SO many gatekeepers out there who are in the same position as mine had been. They are living in this dark, parallel world, that is eerie and is only made up of trauma. That world is not connected to your heart, your love and the support that you have access to. In that world, they only see a repetition of yet another lifetime in the Matrix that is the same as all the other traumatic ones and they can’t actually see that you are making different choices this life and that there’s support available this life that hasn’t been there before. 

I want to reach out to them and leave a seed of hope for them and to let them know: I see you and I feel you. And whenever you are ready to let your human go deeper with us, there is support here waiting for you. 

The place they are in is like an echo chamber of trauma and programmed consciousnesses and reactions. It’s like they have Soul PTSD. For me, it has expressed this life as being easily spooked and having deeply visceral body reactions to any situation that scared me easily. I have also been expecting punishment/persecution every corner I turned or with every e-mail I received or from certain people or in my jobs. I‘m also feeling that a LOT of body issues, especially chronic migraines for me since I was a pre-teen, has been connected to him. There has been a combination reaction going on with my Solar Plexus churning and simultaneously my Third Eye which gave me migraines. 

Their world/echo chamber also projects out into this life and filters every situation, relationship, anything really, through that PTSD filter and skews and colours your experience of life and others this way. 

Gatekeepers are also quite loyal to the matrix pain as oftentimes it is the only home they have known, for eons! So that way, it actually needs some negotiation with them to let go of pain home and experience something else. There is tears for them and deep mourning of letting go the Matrix home and they have to be ready for that. Not many Gatekeepers have done that before either! So that‘s also about creating a new template and anchor it in the grids for others to tap into and follow. 

It is also fascinating how one aspect of you (or you yourself) can be so connected to the Divine, yet another is seemingly cut off from this connection, even though that aspect, you and the Divine can be in the same room together. It just needs a little bridging from you to the Divine for that aspect and it needs your trust in your own heart and conviction of your worth and that you are worthy to connect with the Divine and that Divine connection is readily available, if we really want it. It is about trusting your ability and gift of connecting to the Divine. 

It really comes down to the Gatekeeper’s own pacing around awakening as they can be an aspect that is actually quite programmed themselves. This life, my GK was definitely plugged into the social justice warrior consciousness for a short yet intense time. I can feel him needing to recover from that and from the last few years of intense workaway experiences too, that really were all a from of False Light. But that is fodder for a whole other post! 

So, sometimes, it is just holding this energy, connecting with it intentionally and then hanging out until they let you in. Before they show themselves, they can put you through a few tests though, sometimes for years even, so they can be sure you can handle what they need you to feel with them and that you have the support this life as well, inside and out, to respond to their pain. 

Through my connection with Sampson and many other Gatekeepers over the years, they have a special place in my heart and I have so much love for them all. They are such courageous energies/beings and have seen, felt and held so much. They have seen the darkest expressions of humanity and other races. When I feel Sampson, I get teary because I love him so much and I’m so glad he finally decided to trust me, after all the testing he put me through, and the community too, to trust the community and to show himself. I’m SO glad he was feeling to put an end to being in this matrix vortex that kept him sucked in trauma and that he started to let in the possibility of something else for him. A new experience. A union and collaboration with me and with the Divine. A re-membering of his Divine essence and connection. After all, Gatekeepers are the aspects of our soul that are Divine Muses ❤️ 

Love to You and your Gatekeeper! 

Bey Magdalene

https://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions 

*** Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Apprentice Facilitator and Community Member. She offers sessions in German and English. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org.

Opening To Love With Every Part Of You

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

You keep opening your heart to love. You do, because it is WHY you are here. To open, to share, to risk….even, sometimes, to break. So it feels like…..your heart is breaking into pieces and the parts that seem shattered speak to you then, saying, ‘This is me, all broken up. Will I ever come together again?’

These parts of you speak of hurt and loss that runs deep, much beyond this moment and even this present timeline and this current situation or circumstance. They flash you the slideshow scenes of previously forgotten pain that is now acutely aching again so you can understand it better, feel it, BE with it…..eventually help them be FREE from these frozen in fear moments.

These parts of you cry with you their tears that often weren’t allowed, permitted, or felt in the moment the pain was caused and harm received by others. These parts of you…..sometimes so, so young, precious, and innocent….can then be held by your and the Divine Mother’s forgiveness and compassion. They can become pure again under the light of your loving sun.

You keep holding the space for this process….being with what is real, allowing space to feel it ALL with ALL parts of you. You keep feeling because, on the other side of this pain, is the joy that is contained in every part of you.

On the other side of the fear…..is the love that is the essence of every part of you.

On the other side of the shame….is the innocence in every part of you.

On the other side of the judgement….is the acceptance of every part of you.

On the other side of the unworthiness….is the sense of your innate goodness as a reflection of the Divine.

Your Divine Self keeps finding support to trust this transmutational process. You trust it because it always moves to the other side eventually. Every movement offers the opportunity and possibility of moving on….even if it looks like ‘going in’ or looks like mourning.

You hear ‘it’s time to move on now and let it go’ and so parts of you do, your previously occupied heart now empty, vacated, and ready to be filled up again by love…

You keep feeling the love that life is bringing, holding, offering you and these parts do too until they become more and more whole and integrated.

You keep listening as Life says, “Keep opening UP, BEing with what is real and trusting the process. All that you desire and deserve is here……waiting until you are ready to receive it.”

~

Love,

Jelelle Awen

This ground of feeling, healing, and being with parts of you and soul aspects is what we explore with much tender and deep initiation in 90 minute 1:1 sessions over zoom, which range from 55 to 100 USD/Euros depending on Facilitator. For more information about a free intro and sessions, visit soulfullheart.org/sessions

This is our Deepen 2022 meditation series that I recommend for opening up access to many parts of self and soul aspects: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZWeBviA18Y…

Allowing the Waves of Grief

Published on by Raianna Shai3 Comments

By Raianna Shai

Grief is a much bigger part of our lives and our emotional bodies than I think we realize. We don’t just grieve passed loved ones or the end of relationships. We grieve old versions of ourselves, nostalgic places, past habits, other lifetimes, the state of the world – really anything that is coming to an end. It’s also one of the most complicated and pushed away emotions we can have as humans.

It’s deep, existential, nonlinear and shows up when we least expect it. Everyone I know who has experienced the deepest versions of grief have described it as coming in waves. It crashes over you and suddenly you feel like you’re drowning. One day you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time and the next you’re weighed down with an intense heaviness.

I know that grief is not exactly easy to feel but I also know what happens when it’s left unfelt. It harms us in our physically bodies through different aches and illnesses, it causes us to push down any emotion that comes up in fear that it will uncap all of the unfelt grief we’ve left bottled up and it can keep us from connecting to the deeper parts of ourselves that are beyond the grief.

Grief is deep but it does have another side. It is tender, real and honest. It shows us what we really care about and where our deepest fears and desires lie. It shows us so much truth and if truly allowed to come to the surface when it needs to – it can help us love deeper, trust more easily and stay current with every new emotion.

This has been the biggest emotion that I’ve felt this last month and though it’s been painful, it’s also taught me so much about myself and all the varied and important parts of me. It’s shown me that I can feel 50 emotions in one breath, 100 thoughts in each tear that falls from my eyes, a depth so vast it feels like I’ll never feel anything else.

And then I do. I keep moving, keep feeling, keep letting myself dive into this well of despair and come back out feeling even closer to these parts inside of me. Letting go of every hope and dream I’ve had and making way for new ones. In allowing these feelings to surface, I’m telling these parts of me that they are valid, real and loved. And that is where the healing really happens.

Pictured is me feeling real grief during a recent group circle with SoulFullHeart. The community support and love was huge for allowing myself to go to these depths

Love,
Raianna Shai

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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing Perfectionism With Divine Love

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Perfectionism is expressed by many different parts of us, in varied ways and for so many reasons. I’m sure many of us can relate to the constant need to control the outcome or appearance of everything we do. The fear of doing something wrong or being judged for it is running in the background of our minds even in everyday, simple tasks. We often feel tension and anxiety when something unfolds in a way we did not expect or control. Maybe it comes up when you have reactions you don’t want to have, or there’s conflict you wanted to avoid, or you chose to do something that you realize others would judge.

Perfectionism is often used as a way to protect the most precious and vulnerable parts of us which has been so needed in certain phases of our lives. Overtime it becomes so ingrained in us from messaging by society, matrix coding from as far back as birth, personal desire to appear a certain way, and to avoid judgement and loss. But it gets to a certain point where it prevents those vulnerable parts from growing into their bigness and recognizing that they don’t need that protection to the same degree anymore.

Perfectionism for myself has been so strong my entire life. I strived to be a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, perfect community member. And slowly but surely I’ve come to unwind this ingrained desire to avoid any and all judgement and conflict. Much of this has been rooted in the idea that I’m not good enough and that I’ll lose everything I love so much. The moment we separated from the Divine, we were given an underlying feeling of guttural and tragic loss of our home frequency of love and connection. So much unworthiness stems from that loss and everyday we try to prove we are good enough to the divine in some way, shape or form.

Freedom can be found in the moments when all parts of us are nourished and aligned: heart, body, mind, soul and spirit. When we allow ourselves to let in true divine love, we are then able to realize that we can truly do no wrong from the perspective of the Divine. This is really the only place we can find unconditional love and acceptance. When we let go of expectation, obligation and self consciousness – we find liberation.

Freedom for me was felt in the picture I’ve attached to this post. That week I felt the words from the Divine rumble through me when she said “You are my everything”. The energy and truth of these words started to unlock this strong hold parts of me had on the idea of not being good enough. We truly are everything to her – everyone of us and in every way. In the moment of this picture I stepped away from something that was bringing me tension and took in beautiful nature and sunset codes with my beloved Kasha and every part of me felt nourished and aligned.

Freedom is found when we take the time to remind every part of ourselves, even the ones that are hard to love, that they always have been and always will be good enough. Even when there’s room to grow, even when there are regrets, even when the future is unknown – they are good enough and more. And the more we see this bigness in ourselves, the more we can see and feel it in others. And from there, the love spreads like wildfire.

Love,
Raianna Shai

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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.