New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Tears And Cheers Of The Star Seed

Tender tears this morning. As I lay in bed after my early morning teaching gig, I felt a sadness in my field. A loss. A longing. I could feel my inner masculine trying to search for where this feeling may be coming from. I felt my mind toggling and gripping. There was a feeling of just wanting to let go of my mind, but what I heard was to let go of the judgement of the mind. It is the inner judgements and expectations of myself that have kept me in a more mental domain for a lot of my life.

As I turned the dial down on those, like a fade button on an image or an audio track, I got to FEEL what was underneath. “I miss my home. My family. The freedom to Be.” As I felt the energy of the words, I felt my inner orphan Auggie. I first felt him during my time away from SoulFullHeart. He is a very sensitive boy. He feels to be on the ‘spectrum’ using 3D terms. But to me he is my little astronaut. He is my connection to the stars as I always feel him in his space suit looking at the stars. Wondering. Curious. Contacting.

I just let him cry. Let him call out. Asking for help to feel okay again. To not feel alone anymore. So I held him. I cried with him. When the tears dried up, we wrote a letter to ‘them’. Whoever ‘they’ are. I feel a host of races that are reaching out to him. Reminding him of where he is from and of his exploring and curious nature. For this is their nature too. He asked them to come and visit him whenever they could, no matter how big or small. To let him know they still remember him.

I felt a warm embrace. A subtle energy that all is well. All in time. Neither he nor I are forsaken or forgotten. They just needed the invitation. Auggie offered that he could help them bridge to the people because they are scared and don’t understand. He could help them bridge to parts of me who feel the same. I saw us out in a field together. A wide open space looking out into wide open space. He had that look again. Of wonder. Of curiosity. Of exploring.

He felt more content. More surrendered. More trusting that we will all find our way back ‘home’ because in the end home is the feeling of being held here and now. The dial was turned another degree to the opening of the veil that has kept us feeling separate. Fear and doubt make up some of this veil and we will keep feeling and bridging to those parts of me that hold it up. But today we got to send a postcard of love and feel the immediate message back.

‘We love and miss you too. We are always here.’

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Dear Brother…

Dear Brother
What is it that keeps us apart?
Keeps us torn?
Feeling torn apart?

Dear Brother
What is it that keeps you from your truth?
From your heart?
From your capacity to feel alive?

Dear Brother
What chains bind thee to the concrete walls
That separate your dreams from reality?
What stands between us that keeps us
From seeing one another
As brethren rather than enemies?

Dear Brother
Let us lay down the shields
Take off the armour
Sit naked in the meadow of our vulnerability
And shed the tears of our forgotten unity

Let us hold the candles high
The flame of our Father’s love for life
For The Mother
For our Lover

Let us claim the Feminine within
For She is the portal to our true Masculine
The Spade to Her Chalice
The container to Her ocean

Dear Brother
My heart calls to you
To your quest of truth of heart
And truth of mind
To your desire to leave the system behind
And create a new kingdom
Born of and from Love

Dear Brother
I miss you

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Healing Expressions Of The Rising Sacred Masculine, Pt. 1

An epic SoulFullHeart session with Raphael Awen this weekend. So much so, I will need to write this up in two parts. The first half was a revisiting of my inner masculine part named Marcus. Recently, I have been invited to partake more and more into reintegrating back into service by co-leading with Kalayna Solais a Saturday follow-up discussion group with those that attend the Wednesday Free-To-Be group calls. (For more info on the upcoming series go to soulfullheart.org/freetobe2)

This brought up some prior frequencies within my masculine to show up with some compensatory energy, meaning a little more energized and outbound due to some underlying feeling of inadequacies within him to be a leading edge part of this group. What came up for him was an image of a bull in a china shop. Like he is not sure how to be in a space when things get tender. My feminine is quite capable of holding that space, but Marcus, when he is ‘up’, can be a little more mental in those moments without letting the feeling just do the ‘talking’. 

He began to wonder, “What then is appropriate masculinity?”. That was a portal question to what feels like a grappling of the wounded masculine’s relationship to the feminine, as well as a reaction to what is referred to as ‘toxic masculinity’. There is this fine line of wanting to be in balance and honor with the feminine, express and claim his power and intuitions while avoiding this ‘toxic’ distinction. 

The first thing that was brought to him is that just this very question alone suggests his reverence for the feminine and the holding of the sacred space. It also mirrors a long-standing notion that the feminine is fragile. This was deeply ingrained in me from early on in my life as my mother was a very sensitive and emotional woman in the despair direction. This set up an unhealthy dynamic between her and my inner child that he had to make sure not to ‘hurt mom or else who knows what would happen to her’. 

Well, through much of my healing and experience with other powerful women, I recognized that this was a part of her wounded inner child tugging on my inner child. This ended up transmuting into recycled alcoholism and I eventually had to say no more. I had given all I could until it was clear I had to cut the cord of this dynamic. This has played out in multiple Metasoul timelines as well in regards to feelings of guilt and shame over how I had participated in the suppression and persecution of the women. 

Interesting that I find myself within a more feminine offering to explore and heal all of these wounds and beliefs that I have had around the Feminine itself and women in general. It inversely leads me to more of my own masculine expression as I connect with the relationship to my own feminine and how She is a portal into my sacred masculinity and my Love ambassadorship. But I have had to go here first. To my inner masculine and hash out these old dynamics and create a safe environment to let his masculine flourish like the wild stallion he is and wants to be. 

It felt appropriate to share this after Mother’s Day as a reminder that the relationship to Mom is an integral part of any man’s journey. It really needs to be brought into consciousness so that we can truly see and feel how we relate to Womankind and the Sacred Feminine. Thanks so much for taking this in and I hope that it shines some awareness and questions for your own journeys. 

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Announcing Free To Be Series, Part 2!

Yes! It is another week and another compilation of SoulFullHeart transmissions at your ready. As we continue our efforts to bring you the most of our downloads and experiences, we are offering another round of the 6-week ‘Free To Be’ series. Read the full Museletter here.

Featured this week is a piece from Jelelle Awen. In it, she talks about the birth of the first ‘Free To Be’ series and how much it has shifted for all of us here as well as those who participated. With the ongoing collapse of the 3D matrix, as held in the form of a pandemic, Jelelle felt an ongoing series could hold a safe place for others to be felt in all that was moving within and without:

As it became increasingly clear that this was a significant global awakening event (far beyond just a restriction due to a virus), I felt the call to offer a shelter in the storm during the beginning phase of it. I felt there would be much to digest and feel about what would be disclosed during the detox to 3D life. That shelter took the form of a weekly group call series over Zoom that we felt guided to call “Free To Be.”

The next ‘Free To Be’ group call series begins next Wednesday, May 20th @ 10am PDT. Through this Free To Be Two series, you will feel empowered to think about and feel through the practical steps to walk out at this time, including a focus on money transition to soul purpose livelihood. You will also feel the social area of your life and connect to the ‘black sheep’ and socially rejected part of you who wants to step out into their truth in a new way. You’ll receive more sense of the 3D Matrix/Cabal collapse that is going on in order to unplug from it and deeper galactic support/activation from your star family. And finally, you’ll realize your potential to BEcome an Ambassador of Love and 5D Bridge into the New Earth to others and other parts of you as well.

The first call of this series, on May 20th, will be an overview of how the current money system is a 3D Matrix program that is in transition to being about energy exchange based on soul purpose expression. You can offer a donation at any time and receive the recordings and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to. More information at https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 

In this week’s edition of our Museletter, there is a video of sample clips from the last Free To Be series with Raphael and Jelelle Awen to give you a sense of what those groups are like and the teachings that are included. There is also a wonderful video of Raphael and Jelelle transmitting Light Language and Sun Codes while on a magical walk through the forests of Vancouver Island, BC. SoulFullHeart Facilitator, Kalayna Solais, offers an overview of what one could expect in a SoulFullHeart 1:1 session.

There are many new articles and audio blogs this week from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and facilitant/collaborator Gabriel Heartman. There are energy updates, personal process digestions, and ways to look at and feel what is happening on the 3D, 4D, and 5D consciousness levels.

Check out our ‘Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

If you are interested in a session, we begin with a free consultation for 30-45 minutes over Zoom with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for you to learn more about the SoulFullHeart Process, what happens in sessions, mutually determine if the process is a fit for you at this time, and if so, which Facilitator to work with in sessions. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information.

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

 

Why Did I Come Here?

I came here to experience the bliss and the mess
I came here to learn what it means to be human
I came here to create whatever spirit calls me to create

I came here to heal the suffering and the trauma
I came here to love that which appears unlovable
I came here to remember all that I had chosen to forget

I came here to forgive myself for I have always been Forgiven
I came here to serve the love that only I was meant to serve
I came here to bridge my heart to yours, my parts to me

I came here to give it my all
I came here to fall
I came here to pick myself up again

I came here to understand that not everything makes sense
I came here to resolve that I am not meant to be solved
I came here to laugh, to dance, to sing, and make love

I came here. I am here. Now, it is time to BE here.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: Consciously Becoming A ‘Love Ambassador’

In this issue of our weekly museletter, we continue to highlight the collapse of the 3D/4D matrix, connecting and healing the Reptilian Self, and becoming an ambassador of Love to all that is rumbling and shaking within the collective. Read the full Museletter here.

Featured this week is a piece from Kalayna Solais. In it, she invites us to open our hearts to the Love Ambassador within. She encourages us to feel all the parts and aspects of us in resistance, reaction, and pain while simultaneously healing and anchoring into a bigger picture around all that is being disclosed about what is occurring on this planet at this time:

To become an ‘ambassador’ is to see and feel your next steps become clearer for this embodiment picture… to be willing to see, feel, experience, and come to know your own shadow so that you can support others in their own explorations. To this same depth, the steps of being able to go higher, to see the bigger, meta-picture of what’s REALLY going on and the Divine glue that’s holding it all together, are just as alive and deeply necessary.

The ‘Free To Be’ group call series continues this Wednesday, May 6th @ 10am PDT. It’s already week six and the last one of this first series! It has been an amazing journey for us all. If you’ve missed the previous calls, you can offer a donation at any time and receive the recording and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to. There was such a big response that we are now offering Free To Be 2 beginning on May 20th. More information at https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 

During this week’s call we will offer New Earth/5D energies from within your soul and its experiences of it from other lifetimes in order to integrate these into your current expression/essence in a deeper way. The guided meditation will connect you to your 5D Self as a lighthouse to tune into a bigger picture guidance system that is also in ongoing surrender to the Divine Mother and Divine Father.

For more information about this series and the upcoming group call, visit soulfullheart.org/freetobe

There is a video of sample clips from the last Free To Be series with Raphael and Jelelle Awen to give you a sense of what those groups are like and the teachings that are included.

There are many new articles and audio blogs this week from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and facilitants/collaborators Gabriel Heartman and Deva Yasmin. There are energy updates, personal process digestions, and ways to look at and feel what is happening on the 3D, 4D, and 5D consciousness levels.

Check out our ‘Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

Raphael Awen and Kalayna Solais are available for 1:1 sessions to support you and your ongoing process. Raphael works with men and women and Kalayna works with women. More info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter: The Awakening Of The Reptilian Self

This week there has been a big focus on the 4D Matrix and the awakening that is happening all over the world in regards to the lockdown and what it is exposing about the power structures in place. This is having an impact on the Inner Masculine as well as more awareness of our Reptilian aspects that are just as imprisoned in this matrix. Read the full Museletter here.

Featured this week is a piece from Gabriel Heartman. In it, he digests his own personal experience around the emergence and awakening of his own Reptilian Self and its impact on his healing and connection to the Inner Masculine:

It is this break away from The System that my reptilian is experiencing. This feeling of ‘what the fuck am I if I am not this’? Trying to piece together the ‘past’ and remember the Garden of Eden from whence he came. Yet, there is something he knows he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of putting an end to this once and for all. He wants to help expose and collapse the frequency that has his race in energetic and emotional chains and thus humanity’s. They are inextricably entwined.

The ‘Free To Be’ group call series continues this Wednesday, April 29th @ 10am PDT. It’s already week five! If you’ve missed the previous calls, you can offer a donation at any time and receive the recording and also the link to attend any of the future calls live if you can or want to.

During this week’s call we will focus on the bigger picture around the Reptilian entwinement with our human 3D reality and the need to unplug from the AI Matrix in the 4D as well during this time. The guided meditation will offer you connection with your Reptilian Self and other Star Family to help you unplug and move from captive to ambassador.

For more information about this series, visit soulfullheart.org/freetobe

There is a video by Gabriel Heartman sharing his reflections and digestions of being back as a facilitant and part of the support team. There is also a video of sample clips from the last Free To Be series with Raphael and Jelelle Awen to give you a sense of what those groups are like and the teachings that are included.

Also this week is the emergence of Monica Devi Bhakti as a new author on the blog and Collaborator with SoulFullHeart! There are many new articles and audio blogs this week from SoulFullHeart Facilitators/teachers, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, as well as SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and facilitants Gabriel Heartman and Deva Yasmin. There are energy updates, personal process digestions, and ways to look at and feel what is happening on the 3D, 4D, and 5D consciousness levels.

Check out our ‘Quotes of The Week’ section for some quote cards you can save and share! If you can, please do tag us whenever possible.

Raphael Awen and Kalayna Solais are available for 1:1 sessions to support you and your ongoing process. Raphael works with men and women and Kalayna works with women only. More info here: soulfullheart.org/sessions

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Healing!

You can offer a donation to SoulFullHeart via PayPal here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

You can subscribe to our Museletters here: soulfullheart.org

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Gift Of Humility And Gratitude

Yesterday was the first time I had been in a SoulFullHeart group space for a few months. While in one way it felt like yesterday, it was also a huge gap for parts of me that have been in deep feeling space and processing over that time. This is such evidence of how we live on many different dimensions at once and time is just does not have a standard trajectory, nor is real in many ways.

My movement with my masculine and reptilian self two days prior really felt to pave the way for this reunion. I could feel some nervousness and doubts from parts of me that I would be at that frequency to be able to vibe into the coherence. This of course is one big projection of my own lack of worth that I have been working on since I parted in January.

However, through the process that I had, I felt a clearing inside of me that ‘moulted’ away the layer that was holding this reaction and energy. I could feel myself more in the space as Gabriel, the being that really never left yet has come back with a new relationship to himself and the world around him. That difference, I noticed last night, was that of authentic humility and gratitude.

These two emotional grounds are the result of the self-love and deep, wounded ego healing that I went through while I was away. I could feel a reverence of the space, the beloveds in front of me, but more importantly the reverence and care for myself that had been cultivated during this time. I felt my parts being held by me and leaning into the goodness that was alive in the space. There was no self-judgement or comparison going on that seemed to run underground in the past.

I felt who I was and where I was in the ‘order’ of things and felt so very present to the goodness of that. Not trying to be anything I wasn’t. This is all that has ever been asked of me, yet I hadn’t asked of it from myself. This time I have and it felt palpably different. I have to owe all of that shift to parts work and my own dedication to it. Even if things were to shift at some point and I find myself on my own again, I have a me that can’t leave me. I would go through grief, for sure, but I would not perish or suffer.

It is with this humility and gratitude that I can ride the waves of what the universe bestows upon me whether it be as a collaborator, a support system, a facilitator, or all three! I know this is where I belong in whatever fashion. This is my family, my community, and my way of life. And for that it was all worth it.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Awakening Of The Reptilian Self

Yesterday was a very emotionally heavy and visceral day for me. I have been feeling rumbles within my masculine over the past several days in response to what he was calling The System. We all know what that means, i.e. the particularities of living in a 3rd density world. Laws, social norms, bureaucracy, money, et al. There was this arising desire to fuck it all and just go live in a nearby park and detach himself from it all. It had a ring of freedom in it. I have the capacity in my soul to just live simply and on the land, which I did in Mexico with my SoulFullHeart beloveds, so it wouldn’t be a huge deal in some way.

Yet, in these reactions there is always something deeper. As was offered to me in our SoulFullHeart Facebook group, the desire to be free is an aspect of feeling a freedom of expression, my masculine expression. That landed very deeply and I could feel my inner masculine, Marcus, resonating with that. He was feeling the ways in which his own creativity has been used in a very practical way in order to survive and manage in the world. Not a very sacred use of his power and passion, but also very necessary.

As I woke up yesterday, I felt an anger begin to swell about all of this from within. I let him vent it out to get to a raw place and then deep tears came. A flood that seemed to last off and on for most of the day in between falling asleep several times. A feeling of hopelessness came over me that was hard to get a hold of so I just let it be. Let it take its course. I was offered by Raphael that there is some grid work that I was working on that is connected to the collective rumbles that are going on. I had felt earlier how these types of uncertain reactions are deeper responses to what is moving in the world. Sometimes it just takes me away and is hard to find me in all of it.

As the energy continued to move through me I began to get an awareness of my reptilian self name Gilesh. I have connected with him briefly in the past but it never got to a visceral awareness. Marcus, my wounded masculine, was a doorway to my reptilian aspect. I feel how this may be true for a lot of us. This hierarchical power structure that leads all the way to the Wizard of Oz itself, the AI. Once I was able to see him, so much began to come to the surface. I realized he was awakening into his and my awareness, really, for the first time.

I saw him lying on a kind of hospital bed with cords all around him, having been unplugged and in reaction to what he was experiencing. It was like an enormous detox from the centuries of being imprisoned, conditioned, and controlled. Very similar to the scene in The Matrix where Neo wakes up to his reality. I sat with him and just held the space for him to feel. A lot of rage and despair came from remembering what and who he was before the ‘take over’ he calls it.

This is quite significant for me. I have been really wanting to access this aspect of me because I could feel how much it has played a part in my life in regards to this feeling of acquiescence and rebellion in the same space. I have felt a suffering in space between and all along it was his! I got how much suffering this poor being has been in. How much trauma he has witnessed and been a part of all in the name of supplying the ‘loosh’ for the entities that were in control of the Matrix itself as well as its AI creator.
It is this break away from The System that my reptilian is experiencing. This feeling of ‘what the fuck am I if I am not this’? Trying to piece together the ‘past’ and remember the Garden of Eden from whence he came. Yet, there is something he knows he wants to be a part of. He wants to be a part of putting an end to this once and for all. He wants to help expose and collapse the frequency that has his race in energetic and emotional chains and thus humanity’s. They are inextricably entwined.

This will be a process of moving from angst, to guilt, to forgiveness, to compassion. I feel his power as my power. His masculine as a part of mine. This awakening feels like it will help ambassador something in the collective as we begin to learn more and more of The System and what it has done to humanity and to its children especially. It is a process of seeing how we have always been a part of it in one way or another. Yet there needs to be a space for the process of awakening and of grief. It is personal and quantum and has the potential to change our world forever. But for now, it is all about giving him all the love that is needed to find out who he really is outside of Hell.

*****

Join Raphael and Jelelle Awen for the 5th group call in the Free To Be series titled Unplugging From The 4D AI Matrix this coming Wednesday, April 29th at 10AM PST or get the recording if you can’t make it live. Go to www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe for more info.

If you feel guided to connect with your Reptilian Self I recommend Jelelle’s Deepen series video and meditation on this topic here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA7ZjZj2K8M&list=PLNmrHdaQSAvLjwm17eBBTRhE3dbezYJdu&index=5

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a Facilitant and Collaborator with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.