By Jillian Vriend
The ache for closeness. The ache for family. The ache to be known and connected to. The ache to be seen and visible. The ache to be cherished. The ache to be acknowledged. The ache for a sense of purpose. The ache for romance. The ache for love. The ache for realness. The ache for joy. The ache for celebration. The ache for being in the moment. The ache for rest. The ache for aliveness.
The ache for intimacy. With ourselves. With others. With the Divine.
This time of year, the holiday season, the season of celebration and gathering; this time of year seems to push up these aches in us in a way that is more poignantly and urgently felt than the rest of the year. We feel pressed to connect, to consider each other, to gift each other with appreciations, to spend time together, and to take space and rest away from our professions and busy daily grinds. We feel called to seek and search for a connective sense of God, a higher source, the Divine. We feel called to honor in contemplation and in joyous song whatever our sense is of God.
The tension of this season of ache comes when these desires, which have been mostly suppressed the rest of the year (which is the reason they are experienced as aches), are unable to be met and fulfilled due to parts of us that remain closed down, fearful, and stuck in the intimacy ground of our relationships with ourselves, others, and the Divine. These parts of us which have become built-up clogged places block our desires from fully dancing, moving, and flowing. Plus, the pressure of conforming to expectations, confronting the back pressure built up from the clogged relationships, and experiencing the compartments that we have created between each other and inside ourselves gets in the way of love’s flow and, ultimately, can leave us quite frustrated.
Ask most people and, in their vulnerable and open moments, they will admit that they are left disappointed and frustrated by the holiday season. They may attribute it to the stress of finding gifts for people, to worry over spending too much money, to dramas of their extended family, and to the busy pace of the holidays. And, yes, these are contributing factors.
Yet, also, there is the unspoken angst that the deep ache that they had to connect, to be in joy, to feel intimacy with their family and themselves and the Divine….there is the deep pain and frustration that this ache did not get met. That even with all the effort, shopping, and visiting, they were unable to get these deep needs answered in an effortless dance of love, joy, connection, and realness. This is particularly hard on parts of us, who are tasked with suppressing our desires most of the time and so are deeply disappointed when their rest in vigilance is not rewarded with us receiving what we most passionately want.
SoulFullHeart offers that ache is desire that has been suppressed and wants to come up and be felt and given room. The holidays bring up a poignant call as they are accepted by the mass consciousness, yet, these aches are always there and are part of the hurting part in us that feels “fallen out” of grace and love with the Divine, and therefore essentially feels unworthy to feel and have desires. This part of us, our Daemon or Soul Guardian, feels estranged, lonely, and separate from others/itself/God even as it aches for closeness and intimacy.
Perhaps during the busyness of this holiday season, you might take a moment to feel your own ache for connection and desire. To feel this part in you that is aching to feel held and loved again, enfolded in the arms of the Divine. And, in whatever way you choose to connect and celebrate your relationship with the Divine, that you would ask the Divine Mother especially to gift you with a sense of your own qualification with Her, for an acceptance of your desires (even if they can’t all be met right now), to feel a trust in Her grace of timing, synchronicity, and alchemy, and ask Her help to surrender the outcomes of your desires to Her. In this growing vulnerability with Her and more room to feel your own desires, you’ll discover the true gift of the holidays and the authentic joy of this, and all, seasons!