Being With Holiday Anxiety

By Kalayna Colibri

I feel the swirl and frenzy of the holiday season in moments and wonder what it would be like to go to a shopping mall right now and feel everyone more heart-centered, more honest even about who they are buying a Christmas gift for and why. It’s a dizzy dance right now for many souls as parts of each person finds their way into and through anxiety and pain that’s pushed up this time of year and intensified in moments by the pure energies of love coming in that actually want to help you see and heal all of it and be with the reasons why this pain has been there.

Maybe just for a moment today… if you do feel anxiety bubbling up about one thing or another (or even many things at once), find space, even minutes, to be with this energy and listen to it. Journal with it. Hear it, feel it, hold it. This part of you has been quelled and suppressed for a long time and needs you, needs somewhere to land. I feel for this and all parts of you being activated in their pain now. The Divine love streaming in feels you and these parts too. The invitation now and always is to simply be real. Even just with yourself. And feel.

It’s my sense of it that the unconscious buying, giving, and getting and even eating of this season is what leads into more of the same pain cycling through again and again, the same quandaries about love being real or not, the same feeling that this is just ‘normal’ and ‘how it is’ to be in life and in relationship with others without an awakening that this isn’t what’s ultimately true… just what has felt deeply true to the parts of you with this conditioning. You have the opportunity now and always to reach for new ways to be in life and in love, starting with that ever-precious and unfolding relationship within. You are the ‘Christ-child’ being born and reborn within. With so much power, so much lush love, so many new possibilities for being born and reborn into this world that needs your light and bigness.

Much love!


It’s in my heart and my beloveds’ hearts to model this new way of being with yourself and to support you in discovering it within too in a long-lasting, empowering and loving way… affordable, 1:1 sessions available now:


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

12/12 Gifts Of Love Flow: Message From Christ/Magdalene Consciousness

 By Kalayna Colibri

It seems there is still such a draw to the strain of the holidays, to the tightness of budgets and the anxiety of gift buying/giving, while underneath all of that is the ache for love, to be seen, to be cherished, to be in your bigness and full-strength light. The struggle around this still begins and ends within, normalizing holiday stress when it really wants to be a time of renewal, especially a renewed relationship to love and what it really is. It’s a time for awakening to the ways in which love has not been flowing in your life and how deeply your heart really wants it to. Love moves mountains and shakes up the foundations of your life as needed to let more of it in. You see, it’s too big for the walls that parts of you have built to try and contain or control it and always wants more room, never settling for less… though settling for less or expecting to have to earn or purchase it may be what you’ve become used to.

Christ/Magdalene consciousness is here in immense waves of love whenever you feel ready to let it in…. and especially on this 12/12 day do I feel it coming and shining brightly for us all, inviting us to feel how parts of all of us have held and related to ‘Christmas’ as a season and holiday in this 3D reality we’re still unanchoring from. The frequencies of Christ/Magdalene consciousness are alive in the music of this holiday, the feeling of being in the room with beloveds who are cherished by your heart AND your soul, the child-like wonder and awe around beautifully decorated Christmas trees. To feel more of these energies for yourself, you can start by actually making any Christmas song about ‘Jesus’ or the ‘Christ’ as being about the Christ being born and reborn within you, the preciousness and epicness of your own being and place in this ascending world. You can picture these energies coming in as an epic light stream of gold and sparkling red, shining brightly with the invitation to be in, with, and held by Love. You may feel this energy with you now, holding you close, inviting you inward to BE with the fear of love that lives inside and to BE with the aches and desires for more too…

When I feel these waves in the moment, these are the messages that come:

“May the unfortunate, sad, angering things that happen to you bring you closer to yourself, not farther away… may they invite you to love yourself more, not less.

May the light of Christ in feminine and masculine energies ignite the Sacred Union inside you, to unite you with Sacred Union outside of you, as you continue the work of letting love IN.

May this time of tightness, fear and anxiety, open out like a flower inside of you, inviting you to feel the fragrance of trust in love as it lives and moves and breathes in your life and the collective story too.

May the beacon of love bring you home… to yourself, to your soul family connections, to your heart and soul mate, to your genuine innocence and child-like desire for more love that has never left you, though it has perhaps been buried for a while.

May the healing of your heart, the support and service of the healing of others’ hearts, and the genuine connection, deep intimacy and growth that comes from all of this, land deeply in the burning fire on the sacred hearth of your desires and sense of the NEW reality that is possible, continually calling you homeward to love, love, love…”

With a bright, warm hug from Christ/Magdalene and the overflow of their ever-present Sacred Union, and from my own heart too, I wish you nothing but love and an ending to any suffering you still hold that says you do not deserve to have it or experience it in the deepest way you’ve maybe never imagined possible… ❤

Happy 12/12 ~ ❤ ❤ ❤ 


Photo by Aaron Burden via


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Christ/Magdalene Light Streams In To Begin This ‘Christmas Season’

by Kalayna Colibri
Today… today it feels like Christ Consciousness is coming in to be held and to hold us too. It’s the ‘official’ kick-off of the Christmas season here in North America, so there’s that, yet increasingly as we approach 12/12 and perhaps especially with all of the ‘current events’ ongoing, Christ Consciousness is coming through with a palpable Divine Father/Masculine energy.
Today may be a hyper shopping day for some, which promises a gateway to much debt as many choose to invest their energy and resources into making purchases to perhaps try and please the unpleasable, both inside and out. Yet, almost as if to try and help us learn to hold and BE with these emotional highs and lows instead of spending scads of money and emotional energy to placate something, there’s all this warm, golden Christ energy coming through to hold us and remind us that we ARE more than this by birthright and soul-right.
The Divine feels us in this emotionally and spiritually-charged time we call the ‘Christmas Season’ and offers space for parts of us to land and lean more into the glow of the Christ Consciousness light waves coming in what look and feel like golden and red glittering bands of light. This is the Christ/Magdalene love coming in to encourage us to feel all there is to feel and move even more towards a unified inner community as well as resonant soul family/community. There is SO much light streaming in that it can’t help but bring UP what isn’t love inside of you and the ache for MORE of what you most authentically WANT in your heart and soul.
It is a powerful choice to go inward and feel during this time instead of looking outward for quelling what is becoming harder and harder to quell or quiet down inside. To explore the parts of you hurting and reacting during this time, to help them and to be with them as the most important ‘family’ you could ever work to love and hold dear. It is equally powerful to vulnerably reach out for help and to courageously show up to support others in their healing too. This is an aspect of Christ Consciousness that begins, as always, from within… and we are invited as this ‘Christmas season’ (which is really ‘Christ-Consciousness Season’) begins, to truly land in our hearts in a new and renewed way, whatever that means for us in any given moment.
Much love! ❤


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Feeling The True Message Of Love Within The Christ-Mas Story

By Raphael Awen


From my heart to yours during this Christmas season…

If there ever was a time that the line from the Christmas song “O Holy Night” seems to apply so deeply, it feels like now.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining…….”

Many of us are embracing a time with family or friends at Christmas as a way to escape the pain and disconnect that surrounds us on all sides in our world. We deeply know another reality is possible, but collectively, at least, we haven’t found it yet.

And regardless of the bliss you may have found and that you treasure personally, some aspect of it isn’t complete until that realization of bliss or joy rings through every heart in consciousness. And that alignment with life and love itself that you (or what you call you) have found also doesn’t mean it lives in every part of you. Love, by its very nature, wants to find its way into infinite realization into every nook and cranny of our beings, our world, our solar system, and all the ones beyond.

Could this dark night that we are collectively going through somehow be the ‘O holy night’ that we have long pined for?

I’m going to ask you to come with me on a few minutes journey into some words and heart that, if we feel it together, can be a profound awakening of love in the world.

I’m going to show you that the Christmas story is both the most real story and completely made up story at the same time. I know that doesn’t sound possible to our ears, but I assure you, anything less than this realization is part of the ‘Sin and error’ that we’ve been pining in, and what has buried our hope.

Nothing changes a heart like a story can. In one way, what you are is a story who is out seeking a story to understand your story. We seek others who align with our story and our lives and we are changed through others colliding with or resonating with our story. Everything of love and hope and joy and peace that I believe in and live for can rightly be said to be nothing more than a story, albeit a true one.

Because something is a story, doesn’t mean it is anything less than real as real can be. If you ever felt deeply moved from a novel or a movie, it is because the energy of the story resonated with the story of you. You and I are walking stories, seeking interpretation while the climax and plot are still unfolding into unknown infinite possibility.

For a big part of my life, until my forties, I subscribed to the Christ birth story as being a literally true story. I would have said then that this may be called a story, but it’s a factually true story that really happened. That’s the way my consciousness was moved by it and felt it to be real. It brought me genuine tears and love. My feeling-based interaction with the story satisfied any quandary over the opposition from people claiming it wasn’t real. That’s the power of a story…it creates deep feelings and emotions that go way beyond a mental debate of whether it really happened or not.

But I’ve since come to the painful intersection of other stories colliding with my literal-Jesus-Christ-birth Christmas story as offered and sanctioned by the Roman Catholic Church, extending all the way down into present day Christianity. It began some time prior with the eroding conviction that God himself had protected the bible from any human tinkering. I was then introduced to the now very widely known and easy to see reality that prior to the Jesus in a manger story as being literal and unique from 2000 years ago, there were, in fact, many other birth of Christ stories. Okay, but so what, you may say, the devil always tries to counterfeit the real?

Well, these other very pagan Christ birth stories came from several different cultures and religions in times thousands of years prior to the Jesus birth story. Horus, the sun god of Egypt, or Mithras of Mithraisim along with several others (Krishna, Osiris, Dionysus, Adonis, Attis) all come up with stunning similarities. We find (and bear with me, this partial list goes on) that these mythical Christs are also not only born of a virgin, but also on the same date, or the nearby solstice of December 21st, fathered by carpenters, attended by wise men along with bright shining stars and manger births. The Christ child in some of these other stories went on to have 12 disciples, be a saviour, be crucified, and resurrected.

My God, I could hardly believe what I was undeniably seeing. An atheist leaning brother-in-law from my previous marriage had once mentioned the book, (right in the middle of our living room, no less), ‘The Pagan Christ’ by Tom Harpur and back then, the very title was anathema to me and my ex-wife. I was very surprised a few years later to have my world expanded by that very book.

I had to simply shelve the whole thing and seek to find my own way. I still felt a god connection but didn’t want to be around anyone any longer who claimed to have it all figured out. It’s a bit ironic, because from where I sit today, I still, you could say, ‘believe in God,’ but this god/God, itself/herself/himself/source energy field, is the one actually trying to ‘figure it all out’ and it’s doing this through you and I through ongoing infinite discovery and expansion, and with all of us as fragments of it.

So, why then did the literalist Christians of recent fame get the corner on this story and why? The Christ story as it existed in mythology was a powerful story that many ascribed to, but left in its mythological form, it offered the Roman authorities of Jesus’ day no control over the people. For control, a literal story was needed, and one that was rolled out by Roman authorities. It was rolled out in strategically time appropriate/ripe stages long after Jesus’ death.

The man, Jesus, was made into the one true manifestation of the long, and through many channels, prophesied coming Christ. It began with the apostle Paul who had hardly any use or interest in the man Jesus, and complete disdain for his actual followers and sought only to fashion Jesus into this one true literal Christ. It is a lie of truly epic proportions, and interestingly (but this is a story for another time, see ‘The Event That Created Created Christianity’ by Eric Zuesse for more) the evidence for thee event that created this version of Christianity is contained irrefutably in the very writings of Paul in his letter to the Galatians. Long and winding story short– Jesus of Nazareth rolls over agonizingly in his grave that his life and teachings could have been used to construct a lie to keep souls in stumbling darkness.

This is all coming to light in our times now. What we (many of us at least) simply found so hard to see before is now revealed in plain sight. One of the tenets of literal Christianity is that once you accept Jesus as your personal saviour, you’re good to go. Literally. You’re ready for the afterlife, now that you successfully handled the one and only purpose for your supposed single incarnation.

Well, if you really need something to do, you can work on the fruit of the spirit –good works, because that’s a good thing and God likes that. Or, if that all lacks some juice for you, like it did for me, you can get into the power of the Holy Spirit, and seek out deeper manifestations of gods power. I can honestly tell you that within literal Christianity, I have never seen more corruption and shallowness (up close and personal at least) of heart and soul than within the leaders who most strongly push the signs and wonders, Holy Spirit etc. agenda. The power is real, but is being used for the overall agenda of literalist Christianity…, control. God is out to control, using final authority, and we’re just rooting for him. True godliness.

This shadow expression may look alive and well, but is actually falling apart at the seams in our day. It’s been a long time coming.

‘Long lay the world in sin and error pining’ now takes on a different meaning doesn’t it?

What might this all mean to you and I this Christmas?

Literalist Christianity is now being seen as the story that it is, whose time and purpose is now completing, and people all over the world are exiting their role in the story. It was a necessary story, but now a much larger story is sweeping over us that is calling us to a renewed vitality and role.

Who Jesus was and what he advocated for and taught is a far cry from what we are left with in the gospel accounts written many decades after his death, and overlaid writings by the deeply anti-Jesus Pauline writings. Jesus knew the real goods on the divine purpose in the very fabric of the universe itself that calls us to raise our consciousness of love and its desire in the world.

Our Christmas carol goes on:
“Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

What is appearing now, in a way it hasn’t before, is a wave of Christ Consciousness that lights up the grand scale of the utter indescribable worth of the individual soul.

You are an actual soul fragment of God. God won’t no more rest with you being tormented in hell for an eternity than it would rest with you being outside of its full love revelation for a millesecond. You are the point of the whole deal. You are the reason for the universe. And you are the saviour of the world.

As long as you see yourself as anything less, you magnify the very purpose of the creation of space and time, which isn’t a bad thing, but there is a higher thing. You and I came here to remember and to awaken and to inhabit deeper and deeper expressions of our God-laden-selves.

This is the ‘yonder breaking new and glorious morning’. It literally knows no bounds, unending rejoicing.

The song goes on:
“Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother
And in His name, all oppression shall cease.”

There is only one story that unites all man-kind, along with every other kind, and that is the story of love. Here, that story is told through the lens of the Christ story. It is this story of love that introduces hearts to love itself. The story is the gospel that God is utterly at complete and total peace with ALL. That includes you, me, every part of me, Trump, the devil, all the extra terrestrials and all the angels in between. You and I are this ‘God’ coming to know this ‘God’, and we are already at peace in our highest expression, and are just in process of coming to terms with what we are.

What comes next is the ceasing of all oppression. Much of the oppression in the world is centred around fossil fuel energy, food control and the sick-care industry. There already exists waiting in the wings the technology and ability to deeply address super-abundantly everyone of these ills. (See the movie Thrive on you-tube if you’d like to doubt your doubts on any of that.)

But we actually don’t need to wait to enter our own personal golden-earth or fifth dimensional consciousness for everyone to be on board. It’s here now and very available. In fact, for all of us to go here eventually, the universe needs you to go there first. And the universe won’t actually rest until every last one of us find our way back to our true soul home.

Talk about a high calling.

There isn’t anything that compares.

In fact, every portrayal in every story ever told or depicted throughout all time attempts to get at and under this deep knowing deep in our souls that we have eternity in our hearts and an infinity of love to explore that.

This is the very true story, offered through one lens,…that consumes every other story!

So what’s left?

“Fall on your knees and hear the angel voices!

This is the time of our dear saviour’s birth …”

Noel, Noel, Noel! Rebirth! Rebirth! Rebirth!

Much love to your heart and mine…

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

‘Tis The Season For Desires

By Jillian Vriend


The ache for closeness. The ache for family. The ache to be known and connected to. The ache to be seen and visible. The ache to be cherished. The ache to be acknowledged. The ache for a sense of purpose. The ache for romance. The ache for love. The ache for realness. The ache for joy. The ache for celebration. The ache for being in the moment. The ache for rest. The ache  for aliveness. 

The ache for intimacy. With ourselves. With others. With the Divine.

This time of year, the holiday season, the season of celebration and gathering; this time of year seems to push up these aches in us in a way that is more poignantly and urgently felt than the rest of the year. We feel pressed to connect, to consider each other, to gift each other with appreciations, to spend time together, and to take space and rest away from our professions and busy daily grinds. We feel called to seek and search for a connective sense of God, a higher source, the Divine. We feel called to honor in contemplation and in joyous song whatever our sense is of God.

The tension of this season of ache comes when these desires, which have been mostly suppressed the rest of the year (which is the reason they are experienced as aches), are unable to be met and fulfilled due to parts of us that remain closed down, fearful, and stuck in the intimacy ground of our relationships with ourselves, others, and the Divine. These parts of us which have become built-up clogged places block our desires from fully dancing, moving, and flowing. Plus, the pressure of conforming to expectations, confronting the back pressure built up from the clogged relationships, and experiencing the compartments that we have created between each other and inside ourselves gets in the way of love’s flow and, ultimately, can leave us quite frustrated.

Ask most people and, in their vulnerable and open moments, they will admit that they are left disappointed and frustrated by the holiday season. They may attribute it to the stress of finding gifts for people, to worry over spending too much money, to dramas of their extended family, and to the busy pace of the holidays. And, yes, these are contributing factors.

Yet, also, there is the unspoken angst that the deep ache that they had to connect, to be in joy, to feel intimacy with their family and themselves and the Divine….there is the deep pain and frustration that this ache did not get met. That even with all the effort, shopping, and visiting, they were unable to get these deep needs answered in an effortless dance of love, joy, connection, and realness. This is particularly hard on parts of us, who are tasked with suppressing our desires most of the time and so are deeply disappointed when their rest in vigilance is not rewarded with us receiving what we most passionately want.

SoulFullHeart offers that ache is desire that has been suppressed and wants to come up and be felt and given room. The holidays bring up a poignant call as they are accepted by the mass consciousness, yet, these aches are always there and are part of the hurting part in us that feels “fallen out” of grace and love with the Divine, and therefore essentially feels unworthy to feel and have desires. This part of us, our Daemon or Soul Guardian, feels estranged, lonely, and separate from others/itself/God even as it aches for closeness and intimacy.

Perhaps during the busyness of this holiday season, you might take a moment to feel your own ache for connection and desire. To feel this part in you that is aching to feel held and loved again, enfolded in the arms of the Divine. And, in whatever way you choose to connect and celebrate your relationship with the Divine, that you would ask the Divine Mother especially to gift you with a sense of your own qualification with Her, for an acceptance of your desires (even if they can’t all be met right now), to feel a trust in Her grace of timing, synchronicity, and alchemy, and ask Her help to surrender the outcomes of your desires to Her. In this growing vulnerability with Her and more room to feel your own desires, you’ll discover the true gift of the holidays and the authentic joy of this, and all, seasons!

Visit for more articles and information about the SoulFullHeart Healing Process.