By Christopher Tydeman

The following dialogue is between me and my inner sensitive (Eli) around the images he drew above. In my blogyesterday I talked about the process of feeling how art can be a reflection of a part of us needing to be felt. Through facilitation, space between you and the part can be created. Through journaling, the part can be felt by you, the artist, and healing can begin. This is an ongoing dynamic and not a one shot deal.

Christopher: Hello, Eli. Would it be okay to talk about the drawings you made?

Eli: Sure. It’s okay.

C: Can you tell me what you were feeling when you made the one I shared in yesterday’s blog post?

E: It was a while ago, but I remember wanting to draw something, but I didn’t know what. I remember we talked about drawing the feeling of wanting to create but being blocked by a feeling of heaviness and a whirling sensation.

C: What is the heaviness?

E: It is a feeling of defeat and despair  that I can’t draw. I don’t know what to draw. Even if I had an idea I am not talented enough to make it look the way I want. It feels depressing when I really want to create. It is like a gray cloud that comes over me.

C: Hence the charcoal.

E: Yeah. Charcoal gives the feeling of despair and depression.

C: What was the whirling feeling?

E: Just this voice barraging me with all the reasons why I can’t create, whether it is around practical things or lack of ideas or skills. The swirl leads to the feeling of depression. Like I can’t do anything about it. I am defeated.

C: So this voice comes in and blows out your flame?

E: Yeah. Sort of like that. It dampens it for sure.

C: But it doesn’t go away completely.

E: No. I guess not. I still feel desire in me to create.

C: Of course you do, Eli. It is your essence to create. That can’t be denied when it is what makes you, you.

E: But the voice seems insurmountable. Like I am trying to push against a large building that won’t move. I feel hopeless and I just give up.

C: Is that the feeling in today’s picture?

E: Yeah. It is.

C: What is the rain about?

E: Just that feeling of being dampened.

C: I see cracks in the building and a light around the corner.

E: Yeah. I don’t know why they are there.

C: I think you do. What do they feel like to you?

E: Well, I feel like the building is getting old. It is ready to fall down.

C: Maybe the part of me that feels immovable may actually show some signs of vulnerability and movement.

E: Hmmm. Maybe.

C: What about the light?

E: Feels in the moment that it could be hope. Or maybe my desire that is always “just around the corner”. One in the same I guess.

C: I like the feeling of that.

E: Me too.

C: What is this drawing trying to tell you now?

E: Hmmm…maybe it is telling me that I don’t have to push against this big building anymore. That all I need to do is leave that to you and head toward the light of my passion and desire.

C: You can put an umbrella there, Eli, so as to not burn out your flame. I will be that for you.

E: I would like that a lot, Christopher. Thank you. I am tired of feeling this way.

C: I know you are, Eli. I can feel that. You need some protection from the reign of criticism. That is my job.

E: I believe you. Thank you for being there for me.

C: You are so welcome, Eli. Thank you for your beautiful heartwork.

E: Don’t you mean artwork?

C: Nope.

E: Ooooh! I get it. Very clever.

C: I thought so. : )

Over the next few weeks, Christopher Tydeman will be vulnerably sharing works of art that he has created that reflect his inner world. In SoulFullHeart, our inner world is comprised of a tapestry of emotionality, which is held by what we call a “part” of us. These parts live in different emotional terrain, such as hurt, anxiety, control, depression, rage, and shame. When we courageously venture inward, we feel this terrain with our parts to feel and heal woundings that have been been stuck for many years, many lifetimes. Christopher says about this series, ‘”As a creative soul, I desire to help my parts heal through images, words, and music. I also desire to serve others with the same passion of healing and creativity. I do not have a plan other than to be as transparent as I can and see where the road takes me.”  Check out his previous blog entries, An Artist, His Muse, and His Inner Critic, and Healing Art to Heal Your Heart to find out more about this series. Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.