Tears For Fears

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By Raphael Awen

I was some surprised 2 days ago, to wake up from an afternoon nap feeling blah and admittedly depressed.

As I felt into what the feelings were about, I received only mixed awareness of various factors, as far as my cognitive awareness went.

I had felt into that morning the story of the JFK files release and how that whole story had affected me, feeling the longing inside of me and in the collective for disclosure of the larger real story, beyond JFK. So there was that ache.

There was also an awareness the night before how Jelelle and I had felt into a sexual tension between us and how it related to a Metasoul connection that we’ve been feeling into together. I was able to feel how in this timeline, that a Metasoul of mine (which feels much like what people commonly call a past life, but has more ‘now’ as well as personal 3D correlation affecting one’s life and conscious history), had been living out a karmic debt, and a remorse seeking for rape which he participated in. This felt like a big shift of something affecting me, an archetypal shift and also something huge moving through the collective now too, with all of the #metoo shifts underway.

As I lay there reflecting on all this, my thoughts wandered onto our recent talk and plans about moving back to Canada, and let myself feel the desire to be there after 3 plus years here in Mexico, and then tears started to flow.

The tears started there, then went into feelings of ‘Canada would be great, but not with this ache following me there’. The tears wove into an anger at the suppression of people’s consciousness, and then gratitude for all people, regardless of their consciousness, especially feeling love for myself in times of other phases of consciousness this life, or from other lives.

I felt this Metasoul part feeling abhorred now by his own ambivalent previous approach to raping women. ‘It was sort of like how animals do it’ he said, but you just got another guy to help you out and then you switch places. We could have the women for sale in the markets anytime, but it was the women we couldn’t have that really drew us’ Ghastly stuff, for sure, to my present consciousness, but not so much so to this other consciousness in this other timeline connected through my Metasoul. I felt a finer piece in my own sexual history was about a remorse seeking energy and how this was now resolved by feeling this piece together with an open heart to this Metasoul. (It feels vulnerable rolling this experience out here without putting a bunch of teaching or perspective around it, but it also feels really good to be vulnerable and let it land how and where it will, to whom has ears to hear, and heart to feel)

The tears rolled into an ache to see and feel more about love, about life, about the history of our relationships this life as I felt into several key people from my past who I am no longer in connection with, where while with them, had no reason to see a time where I wouldn’t be together with them. I felt some more heart and soul bruising around this that the divine wanted to touch as the tears flowed from ache, to request, to gratitude, and even how good it felt to just cry.

The house was quiet and a trip to the bathroom a bit later bumped me into Jelelle where we sat down on the couch together and talked about the rawness I was in. It’s is just an amazing thing to have an other really feel your tears and it’s no less amazing somehow no matter how normal it gets. Something digests to have an other feel what you are feeling while you are feeling it.

There was a knock at the door as we were completing and some guys working in the building were here with a tray of cement to patch a hole in the wall and it felt good to shift gears and weave in some repairs.

I went to sleep that night digesting a bit more with Jelelle feeling that familiar slight headache you get from having had a big cry.

I can’t detail any better what this cry was about and why, or quantify just what moved, but in the morning, there was a notable feeling of the world feeling brighter and more magical. I felt invited to just share this experience without putting a bunch of teaching around it, let myself be seen, for who I am and for what I want with others, with life and with love…

I am a teacher, and I am a builder of commUNITY, but underneath any and all of that, I am a heart and soul consciousness doing a human life, in more than one dimension, and getting to cry when you just need to curl up and cry is a beautiful thing, and not being able to explain it too well, to the linear mind is even better…

I heartily recommend it.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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3 comments

  1. Good Job, Raphael !!! ❤ I am feeling such gratitude for your candor. I, too, have been engaging with ancient pains for these past 8 days. My physical form hurt everywhere! On Wednesday, 2 days ago, this extensive pain localized in my lower right abdomen. Oh shit! Appendicitis!!! Oh Shit!!! A trip to the ER provided further discomfort. When the radiology reports came back, they said I had no appendix!!! That took me back to an incident when I was living alone in the boonies of Colorado. Pain was so acute, I was screaming constantly day and night for 3 days ~ so incapacitating I couldn't even make a phone call for help. I seem to be diving into a program or construct where I couldn't ask for help until I was desperate (which I was then, and was finally able to email a few friends.

    I've had the distinct impression this has been a planetary adjustment for many. Your experience, added with mine and several others, confirms, to me, that we have lifted a portion of the consciousness of lack. What was your deeper place of lack when you you needed to rape another to have any sense of comfort? There's so much judgment around that act, that the dense layering makes it difficult to get beneath the stigma.

    Sharing so many Blessings of Gratitude for ALL THAT YOU*WE ARE!! With much LOVE to YoUS ALL!!!

    Joie

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