My Romance Completion With Jelelle Awen

By Raphael Awen

I’d like to share a deep personal update regarding myself and my relationship with Jelelle.

A few weeks ago, Jelelle and I agreed to give some space, and to sleep apart for a night or two, and that quickly arose to more clarity and relief and draw towards giving ourselves back to ourselves. A peaceful, palpable and supported guidance arose each day, amidst the shock and grief of that at the same time, to let go of our romantic and sexual bond of 12 plus years, and to see what wants to come next beyond that. 

Something undeniable was completing, had become more recognizable in recent months, and had now gone full circle and all we could do was be with it each day for the past several weeks. We checked in with one another most days since sharing deeper digestions, discoveries, apologies, many tears and love. Our immediate Soulfullheart community around us was our first line of support and we then in turn shared this on our members only Soulfullheart Portal. The support and love was overwhelming, making this unimaginable feared thing, somehow doable, albeit a rollercoaster at the same time. 

Jelelle and I agreed that we would like to share this publicly now in concert with one another as it feels weird at some point to not be transparent, after a needed more private space was taken. I feel accountable to love itself, to be transparent about my story, my gains, my losses, and then to let love return me to me, and me back to love. 

This is definitely a strange time, and timed with Gaia’s own solstice movements into death and rebirth. I feel weak in my body and mind to be sharing this all now, but I trust it at the same time. A cold arose in my body and has been moving through, something I can’t remember having a full on cold like this in so many years, understandable now as the body, heart and soul goes into a deep reset. 

I shared on our recent group call that Jelelle and I led that I felt maybe the one greatest treasure of discoveries this life is a discovery that has since led to all the discoveries and treasures that followed, including the treasure of these years with Jelelle, and that single most outstanding discovery is the ability to grieve. Without the ability to grieve, we limit ourselves from life’s death and rebirth cycles. Being incarnate into human form is to sign up for gain and loss, for joy and sorrow, and to the degree I can let in and feel the loss, is the degree the deeper joy that wants to come is then allowed to come. 

At 19, when a girlfriend broke up with me, it took me a full additional 19 years for life to feel safe enough for me to come to a place to let in the grief of that loss. The loss, though 19 years prior, was now through an awakening process like it was the week before as I suspended life as I knew it sufficiently to allow the waves of grief and tears to roll through. Looking back at that delayed grief experience now, some 20 years later, I can feel how epic of a turning point that was for me and how subsequent life changes that arose could be referenced back to that time. It was the kindergarten of my relationship to grief. I felt so human to feel my grace to lose deeply and in that to prepare for the magic of what was lost to return in whatever ways it wanted to. Being able to draw the relationship with Jelelle and then have the ability to show up for the many rigors that relationship would call me too was definitely rooted in that earlier grief process. 

Fast forward to today and I can so see how the arising treasure now in all this journey is the deepening into the love that wants to exist, me to me, my feminine to my masculine and vice versa, a love that can never be lost, or ‘taken away’. 

That all may sound a bit like a contextual big picture kind of perspective, and it is to be sure, but it doesn’t take away from the waves of feelings of allowing myself to completely melt down, repeatedly these past weeks into inconsolable tears at times of letting go. A deep and profound consolation does arise when I can just allow each part of me to have their unedited and necessary reactions. 

Jelelle and I have always acknowledged that our romantic bond would sustain while it was mutually growthful for us to deepen in this inward journey, and oh, how it has done that! This arising into deeper vulnerability where the only guarantee is an inward one, raises the stakes too, I’ve found, inviting more risk, more investment, more trust, and mostly more growth into The All that I Am. 

Maybe some of you who have followed us feel surprised or even shocked on some level to feel us not sustaining as a couple. I can only tell you that that is a human tendency, and a familiar one of my own, to project some kind of perfection onto an other, to pedestalize, a projection of your own perfection that you are just not ready to quite hold just yet and so you need a place to put it for safekeeping. If I was a part of that projection for you, I am honoured to have served you in that, and I’m sorry for your loss, while at the same time feeling the needs for each of our pedestals to topple when the time is ripe. The beloveds closest to us know all too well the grist in our edges that showed up in our relationship, and how sacred and necessary those edges were. I particularly am discovering a torch of illumination onto my configurations and relationship patterns these past days again, feeling what was parked in shadow and what was energized in light, and how all of that wants and needs to be loved now in the relief of a sacred completion inside of me – a homecoming, a returning home to myself after an amazing mission into beauty and bounty, a time to debrief, to let go and let in. 

To each of you who have loved and lost, and were subsequently willing to feel that loss, I feel like your kin, your kind, to have shared in that experience. To enter love is to enter love’s illusion and disillusion. Romance is particularly idyllic and fairy tale, where we are invited to make that fairy tale as true a fairy tale as can be, to ingest all of its experiences, and then to allow all of that to return to love itself. It’s got to be the biggest bravery and deepest vulnerability there is, to do this from the heart. 

Inevitably, there is the temptation to assign blame in the aftermath, as a resistance, a distraction to feeling the depth of the loss. Thank God, Jelelle and I both seemed to have truly made it past that mile post some time back together. There’s like this banquet of love to be felt on the other side of the blame game. If no one is to blame, then I can see where I limited love and admit it and ask forgiveness, not to be absolved of guilt, but to let love have its new and ongoing way with me, and hopefully between Jelelle and I into new grounds of love together. 

Beginning this month, as the place we’d been staying with the 5 of us as a community, was no longer available, and as our New Year travel plans for Malta were cancelled due to Covid, we all decided it was best and desirable to hunker down here in Glastonbury. Gabriel and I found a place to live in town to allow for the needed space to ground into this new reality, while remaining in connection as a fivesome here. 

Thank you to each of you reading this, feeling me, yourself, as I pause to feel what else I’d like to say in this post. Making this public feels like another layer of digestion, of accepting this new reality. Sharing this is an opportunity to receive love from love itself in the form of your responses and I open myself to that love. 

I’m so freaking grateful to have found my tears of reunion and to be a part of others finding their tears of reunion with themselves and with love. I’m grateful to serve others in their discoveries with love. I’m called to be this trans-parent, because god (our parent) knows, all that’s really needed is transparency – it heals everything and allows love to flow. 

Jelelle, I want to say publicly how profoundly grateful I am to you to have been your partner in romance, in sensuality, in sexuality, in vulnerability, in angst, in tears, in longings, in service to others, in evolution, in bounty and beauty, and in loss too. If I can lose this much, what does that have to say about how much more there is to gain, in new forms of love, with myself, with you, with life and with others? You are truly beautiful beyond compare. I hope I can stay in the room to endure the new forms of that love that want to radiate between us and through us, to allow the gift of these past 12 years to continue to unfold, into more joint service, into deeper community and service with others.  I love you.

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

King Arthur’s Call To Men

By Raphael Awen

I believe this is a moment like no other, a moment of opportunity, a moment to choose deep and profound change, a moment to embrace all of you, from your highest leading ‘I Am’ Self all the way down to your ‘lowest’ edge where parts of you live in doubt and insecurity. 

Nothing is actually lower or higher. You will never become any more sacred than you already are! If that is true, then you and I finally have the freedom, to look deeply into the mirrors of our lives, our circumstances, our relationships and take the deepest inventory of what’s also true there, as none of it can take away or add to the fact that ‘I already AM, all that I ever might become’. 

I am very deeply interested in all that I might become. I am also very deeply interested in all that I already am. While this has always felt true for me on some level on my journey, I can tell you that it has felt like my biggest challenge as well. It has waxed and waned. At times, even very recently, I’ve seen my bigness stare me in the face and it has scared parts of me to the core. Numerous hideouts and comfortable ceilings have again been discovered and negotiated with, and let go of, only to be faced with another layer of vulnerability, insecurity and desire. I suspect that this is the whole deal of being here. It gets to move for me from more private to more service-based as I transparently live this out loud. 

I’m no longer of the illusion that these kinds of challenges where I must face a new place in me feeling contracted or small will somehow become ‘healed’ or a thing of the past. If I AM is truly infinite greatness, then any and all achievements or attainments, no matter how great, how relieving, how homecoming, how much of an entrance into my personal promised land – they still remain a humble kindergarten. I’m starting to get used to that! – another celebrated ‘attainment’ in and of itself, where any and all movements either forward or backward are part of the magical and infinite I AM that I AM. 

The other big thing all of this offers me is that the only one I can ever be a saviour for, is me and me alone. I can’t offer you anything you don’t already possess. With this clarity, I can however, hold space to offer you, YOU. 

When Moses, standing in his small self perceived stature before a burning bush manifestation of God, hearing the voice of God calling him and sending him, asked God a very understandable question: “Who do I say sent me?” and God answers, “Tell them thee I AM that I Am has sent you.”

I’m here today standing before mankind, my kind, saying “The I Am that I Am, has sent me to you.” I’m here, in your hearing, speaking to your I AM that I AM, before the burning bush of your desires, your heart aches, your heart passions, inviting you into something tangible, alive and real, inside and outside. 

I’ve crossed a threshold into my own promised land and feel it is more important than ever to invite other men who are ready to enter theirs with me. I can’t do what I’m called to do, or be what I’m called to BE, in a box or on my own. I get to walk out my more in the resonance field that’s generated with other men doing the same.

I’ve done that primarily with Gabriel Heartman for many years in a time where most efforts to expand numbers were met with more inner expansion than any kind of outward expansion. Time and process was needed mostly in private. I feel and see that changing now. Something is shifting in men and in the core of my I Am, informing all of me with a new resolve, as well as a sacred and ongoing completion of my own very real push-pull relationship with my own bigness. I want that more than I want life. This is life to me.

What is life to you? What do you most deeply want? Are you prepared to reach out for a lifeline when one is thrown to you, or will you continue praying for a lifeline instead? There’s a time to ask and a time to act.

I may be sounding fearfully close to a promo salesperson now, and to be sure, I AM trying to sell you on something. I AM called to sell you on something. I AM called to sell you on you. It’s strange though, because no words that I might write or speak could ever actually achieve this. It’s only and ever achievable by living it out inside of myself, and you picking up on that and choosing the same for yourself. 

Our mutual benefit is then easy and natural, whether we go any further in any kind of together way. 

If however, the particular signature frequency of my deal feels like it may be or wants to be a part of your signature deal, then I deeply invite you to check out who I AM and what I offer. 

This video is me here in the Abbey ruins in Glastonbury, offering a connection with one of my beautiful Metasoul brothers; King Arthur. How fitting as he knows how to assemble and lead a round table of men! 

Gabriel Heartman and myself both serve men in one on one sessions helping men embrace all of themselves in ongoing process via a specific path. Here’s a link to more about sessions: https://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

Sessions may well be a bit too close, too soon, for where you are, if you’ve just discovered us. If so, I invite you to consider following us at whatever distance feels comfortable for you, while serving your heartache and opportunity. 

A great way to do that is to join our SoulFullHeart Portal for $15 usd per month, a private on-line community where you get to share with like minded men and women, as well as a men’s only portion of the Portal, and receive exclusive content, writings, videos and transmissions. Here’s an invite to our Portal.

If you’ve read this through this far, then I know you are feeling the truth of the first words I spoke today – that this is a moment of opportunity like no other. Other moments will be sure to come, if that’s what your I AM needs to orchestrate for you, but what if this moment right now is your moment, or at least one of them? What if what I’m offering you is offered to you for you to make a deeper personal connection, to see where it takes you, to see if what you are feeling right now, continues to self validate as a truly profound going on place? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Gabriel would love to hear from you. 

I can tell you from the depths of my heart and experience that I Am wanting, willing and ready to serve you, to show up for you as you show up for you. 

If you are a woman who’s read this all the way through, bless you! And allow yourself to take in all these words directed at men, and feel them for your own inner masculine parts of you. Also, let your sacred yearning and desire for men and the missing masculine to rise up and claim the inhabitation of their long awaited I AM selves, be a gift of alchemy transmitted to all the men feeling this, whether by my words today, or by the same download that’s being broadcast into the collective from many different sources right NOW. 

If you know of other men who you feel are ready for such a time as this, please share this post with them. 

May we each arise to this occasion to find ultimately that there was ever only one of us and one occasion all the while, one truly worth showing up for. 

Much Love,

Raphael Awen

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Keeping Your Heart-on

By Raphael Awen

A question came up in a lively and vulnerable men’s discussion we were having about what the differences are about energizing love from the heart chakra as compared to the second chakra, and how one can dominate over the other. I offer my response and invite the wider input from our feminine counterparts here.

This is such a great question and part of an ongoing quest, and like all great quests, the question is never fully answered, inviting us deeper into its many aspects and layers. Any ‘answer’ I give to the question is really only one response, thus intended to hopefully open out more questions than provide any final answers. 🙂

What comes up for me is feeling how difficult it has been for men to come from both chakras at the same time. There’s a lot in that saying about how difficult it is for a man to maintain a ‘hardon’ and a ‘hearton’ at the same time. Men tend to come from one place at the expense of the other, and if they can come from both, they toggle between the two, going limp in one in order to enter the other. Being open and coming from both at the same time represents both a vulnerability and a power that much fewer men are comfortable with. 

What underlies this challenge is the differences between our heart chakra and our second chakra. One is the seat of our unity, our union with all things and with all life, with having it all; our heart, where nothing lacks or is missing. The other, our second chakra is the seat of our gender, which feels incomplete without the other half, and thus vulnerable to not finding the completion it wants and needs. Men’s first healthy initiations, if they were met with a healthy anchoring in the root/grounding chakra are then about awakening to their sexuality, power and creativity in the second chakra, discovering what makes them unique and desirable, their gender based expression and worth. 

More to the point of the question above is what are the differences of the love that flows from the heart chakra vs the love that flows from the second chakra, (if i’m grasping the intent of the question). I’d say that love that flows from the heart is rooted in an energy and recognition of the unconditional love that underlies and weaves through all of life and the universe. Heart love validates everything, even differences and even expressions of hatred speak to the inescapable interconnectedness of everything, bound together by love and oneness. The heart can containerize it all. 

Love that flows from the second chakra however is not ‘unconditional’ in the same way. It is conditioned on personal attraction. I’m either drawn or I’m not. ‘Lust’ in this way can come from the second chakra, as in a strong, overwhelming desire for someone or something, and it is based upon something deeply desired for whatever reasons, healthy or not. It’s very specific and dualistic. ‘I like this, I don’t like that’. 

With my mate, I want to be loved in both of these ways at the same time. One doesn’t cancel out the other. I want to know and feel that I’m valued as a human being, and as a soul regardless of who and what I am or are not. I want to feel my intrinsic worth outside of my performance or lack thereof. If that’s there, I can safely feel comfortable to feel and process more of my not-so-loved traits within the relationship to realize more of the growth that is the point of all relationships. 

I also want to be loved however for my unique characteristics, for who I am specifically and what I bring to the relationship, which is very much conditional. I want to feel like hot stuff. A mate who wants to be loved only unconditionally is asking for their mate to be more of a parent to them, which is understandable as we all have wounded inner children wanting and needing this kind of love. 

As I get to play with my desirability and my creativity and my power in relationship, this becomes a powerful mirror and arena for my growth. The vulnerable piece here is of course feeling the parts of us who don’t feel like they are enough, or worthy, or capable of being brightly attractive. 

The feeling of receiving this kind of love in a relationship, (and it could be a mateship, or a friendship), is about feeling my desirability reflected to me in the words, actions and energy of the other. That’s a dicey ground to be lured into of course as it not only promises deep potential reward, but also threatens the deepest rejection. I believe this is why we entered this ground of duality, of ‘this over that’. Ultimately, it’s about all differences being consumed in the overwhelm of love, but on our way to that ultimate reconciliation of love are a whole bunch of lessons and experiences and feelings that are the whole juicy point of duality. 

On the giving end of this conditional love, your mate wants to feel hit on. She wants to feel you are taken with her, that she alone is the passion of your heart, soul and body. Her and none other. If she’s done some of her work, she won’t be impressed however with any ‘dutiful roses’. She will only be watered by you really and truly being into her and smitten. When something less than that is true, in my experience, it has to do with not bringing all of my truth, especially if it’s about an irritation or something I, or a part of me doesn’t like. It feels truly amazing when you are in this zone of being abandoned to your want of your mate and she can lean and rest into that as well as open her heart and body. 🙂

Then to the last piece of your great question – about how coming from one chakra or the other can dominate over the other…

What better arena could there be to play with these needs and dualities. A dual begins with an attempt to dominate and ends with its resolution of that tension, returning to love. Both are needed. ‘Erectile dysfunction’ afflicts the heart and the penis, and is really about this unresolved and unloved dominance when you feel into it. Remaining in one and not embracing the other (transcending duality like most spirituality attempts to do) is to remain uninitiated, and immature in the truest sense, and just doesn’t feel fun to me. I don’t think it does to anyone really. It’s just been a hideout for our vulnerability. Romantic love offers possibly the greatest growth ground and crucible for our growth in this way and it has much to do with the vulnerability and the attempts to answer that vulnerability with dominance. 

All of this is of course also true within ourselves and the dynamic between our own inner feminine and inner masculine parts, even more true actually, as in the inner is the real origin of what’s playing on the outside and so going inward becomes the healthy choice to seek any resolve to the whole dilemma.

Thanks for the great question and thanks for taking in the lengthy, albeit a very much partial ‘answer’, which hopefully left the question more unanswered than answered. 🙂 

More feminine and masculine input welcome, (regardless of your gender…)

The above conversation was part of our new private (and paid) SoulFullHeart Portal – please check us out if this calls to you. Link is here.

Much Love,

Raphael

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Shelter In The Storm Teachings & Guided Meditation, Plus preview of 5D Transmission Group Call On Nov. 14th (Videos) | Raphael & Jelelle Awen

By Jelelle Awen

This video is a recording of a livestream Q&A, energy update, and guided meditation that originally aired November 8, 2020 on Facebook. We answer questions, respond to comments and digest the current ‘storm’ of disclosure going on in 3D/4D timelines during the U.S. Election aftermath and ongoing Covid narrative. We share about cultivating and maintaining a shelter within by not focusing on externalized false gods and connecting to your Divine Self that can hold the space for reactions/traumas from parts of you or aspects from other lifetimes who are caught in the ‘storm’. SoulFullHeart Facilitators Gabriel Heartman and Kasha Rokshana also shared during the livestream and responded to comments.

The guided meditation offers a connection to your inner Protector who can show you a shelter within, a higher frequency space beyond 3D where you can connect to the Divine, parts that need you, aspects from other lifetimes, etc. We then repeat the mantra: I AM the shelter in the storm together. You can see the comments and questions that we were responding to here on my FB feed: https://www.facebook.com/jelelleawen

This livestream is a good preview and taste of what our group calls are like. We talk about our next one offering a 5D Golden Earth transmission coming up this Saturday, November 14th at 5:00pm GMT/12:00pm EST in the video below.

This is a brief video with Raphael and I filmed at the Chalice Well gardens here in Glastonbury. We are sitting on a bench in what feels like the ‘former’ cottage/hut spot of Anna, grandmother of Yeshua and powerful Essene/Magdalene, when she lived in Avalon for many years. We are nearby the Red and White springs, and the Tor, all powerful transmitters of Divine Feminine and Masculine energies of New Earth. I think you can feel the mellow and grounded energies coming through us from being there!

In the video, we talk about our upcoming group transmission call over zoom on Saturday November 14th at 5:00pm GMT (London, UK timezone.)/12:00pm EST/9:00am PST to transmit Golden Earth 5D frequencies to and with you. In this two hour call, we will talk about the challenge and opportunity it can be to connect to an inner lifeline to these Golden Earth frequencies in a supportive and intimate way that allows you to relate with them, embody them, integrate them into your everyday life, and heal the karma trauma that may be within your Metasoul and especially 4D timelines. We’ll be sharing how the SoulFullHeart process of connecting with and healing karma trauma with aspects of the self as ‘parts’ and Metasoul aspects from other lifetimes allows for this lifeline to develop and deepen. This feels especially crucial during this tumultuous time of death and rebirth and transition to New Earth.

We will also co-lead a guided meditation to bridge you to your New Earth lifeline, whatever that looks and feels like for you, with help from your Gatekeeper (who holds access to your akashic records and veil of amnesia/access to other lifetimes). This transmission supports the activation of your own inner lifeline and waters the ‘seeds’ of New Earth that exist within your soul field. We will also open up the space for a couple of personal sharings for any of those who would like to share. You can purchase the Zoom link to join us live for the group and receive the recording by offering whatever donation you feel to give (average is $10 CAD) to paypal.me/jelelleawen or purchase through soulfullheart.org/shop

Love from Avalon!

Jelelle

More information about 1:1 sessions, group call events, writings/books at soulfullheart.org

The Lenses Through Which We See The World

By Raphael Awen

The lenses through which we see the world become our filters on life and love and create our familiar personal and collective world.

The creative power is only rivalled by the degree of our denial of this passive creative power. There is no one responsible and response-able but you.

When you can own that without self judgment and without blame shifting to others or to the divine, you are truly entering the sovereign territory of your infinitely powerful being. It doesn’t matter how far you’ve sunk in denying this creative power, if you are willing to awaken to what was previously denied.

The depths of the hell you created mirrors the heights of heaven and the new creation awaiting you, if you’ll just embrace YOU! Each and every one of us are fractals of the divine, reflecting both this creative power and this free will. Where these 2 come together is where your going on place lies in terms of your souls awakening, embodiment and growth. Growth requires real time friction and grist – some ‘skin in the game’ as they say.

When you choose this for yourself – you move from being a SCARED, SCARRED and helpless victim and instead become a most interesting and enlivened SACRED human – where curiosity and wonder is the only fitting looking glass through which you seek life and love.

This photo below came to me while walking in a Mexican village 4 years ago. This boy, 4 years older now, the images he has taken in, seen through the windows he has looked through form the life he is living now. So it is with each of us. I believe we chose to be limited by our innocent ignorance of these deeper truths, and stunted in this way by a veil of our choosing, so that we could awaken, press back on our limitations, being re-membered to our true being and to the vastness of our creative power.

That makes you amazing, interesting and alive, and fun to be around, wouldn’t you agree?

Raphael AwenSoulFullHeart.org/sessions🙂🏄🏻‍♂️🙏🏻💚

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

A Man’s Inward Holy Grail Quest To Find Real Worth, Value And Meaning

By Raphael Awen

King Arthur’s knights were ever drawn to escape the mundane, the everydayness of their lives. 

These sensitive and hungry souls had grown to despair of the emptiness of their culture, and their lives within that culture. 

They sought an escape into deeper meaning and purpose and an outer form of nobility and purpose to answer an inner unfelt loss of connection with their own nobility. God forbid that they should live out their days without a conscious quest to fill their sails. 

Is a monk of any stripe really any different? Or a renunciant – one who gives up something lesser for the attainment of something higher? What about the man seeking to make himself ‘independently wealthy’ – having no need of anyone or anything, or the hedonist pursuing every pleasure that men may come to know? The hedonist and the renunciant share a common hunger for something truly comforting.

So common to men of any background is the seeking of purpose and power within that purpose. Men are fleeing meaninglessness. Men will readily settle into a career or a family role because it stems this aching pain and discomfort coming from not knowing and feeling who they really are at a deeper level. 

Men who are not in touch with these deeper needs, the ones that really drive them, are then easily manipulated by agendas too numerous to mention – be they of the highest spiritual orders or the lowest callings known to men. Wouldn’t most of us trade in control or our sovereignty in exchange for comfort?

Men want more than anything to feel good about themselves, and if that means dedicating one’s life to helping others in order to feel good about themselves, then so be it, as long as it promises that they will get to feel good about themselves in the end.

The problem however comes in the constant delay of that promise – the futureness of it. ‘I’m so noble, I can delay my gratification of this need till later, in service of others.’ Men slip into settling for any kind of lessening of their pain of their disconnect from actually knowing and feeling their worth and their meaning, having long ago settled that they are not meant to ever know or actually live from a place of their worth, their value and true comfort. 

True embodied worth, that flows from within, that doesn’t rely on any outer circumstance or creed, that you can feel, that can colour your moments with the deepest creativity and engagement has long been written off as a dream, a myth. We are only left with a kind of nobility that makes the best of a really hopeless situation.

These kinds of dedicated happy campers, god bless them, are everywhere. Each of them with their alms begging bag extended before them. ‘Bestow upon me some spare change of worth and acknowledgment for the choices I have made and the example I am willing to be, during such a time of unprecedented loss’.

This all hits so close to home for me. At fourteen, I recall feeling so bored of being bored, longing to find freedom in anything that promised relief. The Christianity of my family heritage felt so compromised and lacking in passion, that I broke away into something much more engaging with a much higher bar of commitment and dedication. As a man to be, I needed to set my sail with a worthy quest to navigate the sea of meaninglessness that was all too real on every side, at every turn. 

It has taken a number of decades this life, and in numerous lifetimes beyond this one, to get to the place where I can feel that the true holy grail quest; from which flows every grail quest; from which flows every draft of any purpose ever imagined or set sail into; is actually about realizing the value and worth that lives inside, that has always lived inside, that awaits our choice and discovery. I can say I am truly coming to know and feel this worth and have my own experiential emerging felt reality of this kind of aliveness. I also feel the invitation for this to be the magic of an ongoing process, rather than some quest-ending instant gratification of these god given and god being kind of needs.

Only a man in growing touch with this inner worth has hopes of being enough for a woman, for a career, for a calling, for a quest, for belonging to a true circle of men who live in shared resonance with one another.

Having landed here in Glastonbury, England, a ‘fortnight’ ago, I am especially feeling King Arthur as a Metasoul brother wanting to digest and feel together with me the dissonance that still lives in men, especially in the men of the highest attainments, whether of spiritual or material pursuits. He says, ‘We got hoodwinked into thinking that if we chose nobility, duty and obligation, we would be guaranteed to find the deepest fulfillment, only to come full circle, after a long time spent in the desert in that lease of consciousness, and patterned brotherhood, having attained many things that felt so meaningful at the time, only to find out that we were ever still searching for the true holy grail, which was hiding all that time in plain sight, and yet for most, still remains hidden.’

The problem now comes in when feeling how to embrace such an inner quest without needing to enroll men into it for the purpose of feeling better about ourselves. Men must choose this for themselves, in their own time of sacred awakening, when the clock has run out of the necessary time spent in these previous domains – all of which are equally sacred and necessary to the inhabitation of the quest now arising. It can’t and won’t arise until it does.

I’m returning today and plan to return many times to the burial site and tomb of King Arthur here in Glastonbury inside of the Abbey ruins to feel this great cycle of death and rebirth that all men and mankind must grow into and go through. The once great Abbey that was the wealthiest in all of England, that held so much power and purpose in its many iterations over many centuries, by and for men of so many stripes, is seen to be coming from a worldview of domination, both of oneself and of others. Men of meaning and influence had to be in exchange with this centre of power to be granted lease and influence among men. Now, it sits in ruin as a 3D tourist attraction for tourists to scratch their heads in bewilderment at how and what such a thing was really about. 

I feel Arthur saying that he knows all too well now, what such a thing was all about – It was about the willingness of men and women to pool unimaginable resources into a patched together harmonious flow that promised this deliverance from meaninglessness. It was ultimately and humbly to serve as a bad example, of what couldn’t ultimately work, for the real needs of sacred human men and women, even as it shone a bright light and moved us in powerful new directions that were necessary and needed to bring us to this current flow of consciousness that is now arising – finding true worth and meaning that can only be found within, as Yeshua said, ‘where moth and rust does not corrupt, and where thieves cannot break in and steal.’ Domination itself as a way of life is in its sacred death and rebirth phase and we who are feeling it are the Ambassadors and the Death and Rebirth Doulas that are holding space for this sacred shift, along with its attendant new way of being. 

This is the true kingdoms and queendoms of heaven on earth that we are invited now to explore, to choose as deeply as we can in any and all moments, that thread meaning and deep purpose into the very fabric of your life as you currently know it. This is the true grail quest that we are invited to embrace, that gives purpose, direction, guidance, meaning and empowerment to all of life.

Much love, and wishing you deep strides on your sacred grail quest.

Raphael Awen

soulfullheart.org/sessions 

I work one on one with men in session space and the SoulFullHeart process to assist in this kind of personal awakening. If this calls to you, I’d like to hear from you. I’ll send you a few questions and a guided meditation for you to undertake to find us a starting place together and we can go from there in a way that is tailored to your needs and life. More info is here: soufullheart.org/sessions.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

You’re As Sacred As You’ll Ever Be

by Raphael Awen

Consciousness is a great and vast ocean, in which by birthright, you are not only given license to swim in these vast waters, you are also the water; you are also the license grantor; you are the ocean and consciousness itself.

Your reverence and curiosity for all you are and for all you’ve been given is the portal into navigating the changes and the desires for whatever form of more that you seek.

The divine is divining through you, regardless of whether your present state feels like lack or abundance.

The present configuration of what your life looks and feels like is not any more or less sacred than what it might look and feel like when vastly changed from its present state into a new state that you feel a desire for. The present state, the desire and the future state all have role and process for you to feel inside of, to learn from, to grow within.

You’ll never become any more sacred than you already are.

Knowing that should help alleviate the stress of attaining higher states of consciousness, as your consciousness transmutes into more and more remembrance of what you always were, always and in all ways ARE and never actually lost.

These are the messages and reminders coming to me as I acclimate to being re-membered with the energies here in Avalon – what is called Glastonbury in this present timeline.

***

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

Masculine & Feminine Interdependence

by Raphael Awen

An impulse to do something, to express something is a masculine kind of outbound energy. This energy needs and requires a feminine inbound energy of being and letting-in to sustain and validate its need to do and express.

The masculine doing and expressing by itself runs out of gas, and must vulnerably return to the feminine to get its needs met.

Likewise, the feminine inbound energy of letting in love and ability to BE in being wants to express and do as a natural extension of itself. The feminine however can’t disconnectedly express and do just for the sake of feeling powerful, or worthy, or right. It wants and needs a higher frequency.

In this way, the masculine and the feminine are interdependent, and in that, we see the basis for Sacred Union, within each of us, for we all possess both masculine and feminine aspects/polarities of being – each of which longs for union, for a higher way.

The incompleteness of one is the portal to the other.

Vulnerability (the ability to admit need) is the grace that permits the masculine and feminine to find Sacred Union dance.

This is true inside and outside.

Maybe the most powerful common denominator between the masculine and feminine is this shared mutual need – this wound state one remains in without the other.

This energy feels so palpable to me since arriving here in Glastonbury in the UK, a place of deep feminine energies and converging soul aspect timelines. One can feel the still unresolved lingering between the feminine and the masculine wanting to find its reunion in actual transactional grounds of real people expressions and relationships.

We are this coming together. We are the cast and crew of this production being put on by consciousness itself.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

The Vulnerability Of The Masculine Relating To The Feminine

by Raphael Awen

The masculine in its ability and desire to provide is a great thing in and of itself, which we all have inside of ourselves regardless of gender.

Where the masculine gets into conflict is when it needs to find, maintain and suppress a dependent feminine in order to keep his gig working. Eventually this comes to a demise and both the masculine and the feminine are afforded an opportunity to restructure – vulnerably admit their fears, needs and desires to find a new way, or at least a completion of the old to eventually allow a new way to arise.
The masculine has a particular challenge in that it was born of a feminine womb and yoni from which it wants and needs to separate, to define itself, to be different enough to create attraction in order to be afforded a partaking of that exquisite feminine while it is trying at the same time to differentiate itself from and pretend to not need.

The more the masculine leads in the world with his power, attainments and capabilities, the more he is trying and still needing/seeking feminine love, as it is only the feminine than can give all that power and attainment meaning, yet he is not quite ready, or sufficiently aware to transparently and open heartedly admit the true nature of that need.

This dynamic takes a quantum leap forward when the masculine is ready to feel, ready to vulnerably admit need and desire to himself, his innerverse, his inner feminine, and then energetically and emotionally to the feminine in his outerverse, his universe – yoniverse.

When you get that sorted a bit, all lovemaking and love getting strategies take care of themselves, effortlessly as you have it aced inside, which is a very cool feeling for the masculine – doing something really stunningly well!

***

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of SoulFullHeart. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

Saying Goodbye To Victoria, BC

by Raphael Awen

Time to feel and say goodbye to a sooo beautiful geography here near Sooke, BC, where you can feel the underlay of New Lemuria and the overlay of the present timeline!

The forest has been so dear to me all my life, and so missed during the recent years in Mexico, and always will hold a deep life digestion upon each return.

In 13 days, we (Gabriel, Kasha, Jelelle and I) depart on a nomadic journey with a first stop for a couple months or so in Glastonbury in the UK.

I let tears come up a few times today already and it feels sooo good. I was feeling how love itself is looking for a landing pad in each of us, and so available at any moment, how it is embraced by the simple vulnerable admission of need, how amazingly stunning it is that such a thing as a perceived vacancy of love could ever be, given the potency of the love that is, that we are and that we share.

Thank you to Victoria, BC, for holding us and me this past two years. 💚

~

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.