Money As A Mirror Of Our Relationship To Love



By Raphael Awen

Let’s get real for a moment about money…not ‘brutally’ real, but lovingly and honestly real with ourselves about money and its role in our lives.

While we’re at it, let’s break the cultural silence around money. Let’s feel money’s all too real, larger-than-life role in our lives, its limitation in our choices, and also, its potential for deep rebirth inside of us.

Let’s begin this worthy quest with some ‘quest’ions. What role does money play in your sense of whether you get to lead the life you really want to or not? How much space does anxiety about money take up in your life and dictate the options you feel you have or don’t have? How do you imagine your life would look and feel different if money were no object? What current relationships in your life would be different were it not for financial necessity? Do you love the country and location where you live, or is it also more about financial necessity? What about how you earn money in the world? Is it in alignment with your deepest sense of calling and purpose, or is it more about holding down a job that you dislike or even detest? How could these tough and sensitive money questions, and the truth-telling mirror that money is, be used to either set us free or keep us small indefinitely?

So many are finding the issue of money to be one of the strongest tethers or anchors keeping them stuck in a 3D reality while they are wanting and even aching to inhabit a deep ascension process of being in tune with their higher self, their guides, and their deeper gift expression in the world. So how do we enter a new timeline where money is concerned? How can we transmute this issue of money from one of the biggest hindrances to our ascension/awakening process, into one of our greatest means of awakening?

I’d like to share with you my own personal bigger-picture lens through which I’ve come to see money. See what resonates for you as your truth, and of course, as always, pass on the rest, or shelve it for further inquiry if you’re not sure.

My truth is that we are not victims in any way to money, or to the powers that be around money, or to debt, etc, All perception of ourselves as victims of a money system gone awry is in large part, in service of a part of us wanting and needing to stay small and secure in what it knows and feels as familiar. (I’m not saying that we don’t have a corrupt money system. I’m saying that we don’t have to be subject to a corrupt money system.)

Money itself and its role in our lives is a mirror that doesn’t lie and what it so effectively mirrors is our relationship to money and ultimately our relationship to love, which is ultimately what money is – simply a carrier of energy. Finding the courage to open out this truth alone can begin a whole new wave in your world around money. If this is true, then money and its role in your life is something in your direct control. I am responsible for the current circumstances in my life around money. I am not a victim in any way around money. Not all of me may feel this is true all of the time, but this too is in my circle of influence to change.

A key piece in beginning a significant shift here is seeing that money itself is not the issue, but instead it is our relationship to money that is the issue. It’s not the thing, but our relationship to the thing that determines what is healthy or unhealthy.

Let’s shift now to weave in some practicalities around money in light of this bigger picture.

If you feel stuck in a job you don’t like, feel into how a part of you must feel something desirable about this job from its point of view, or obviously you wouldn’t be there. In getting to know this part of you, what negotiations could you come to with this part of you that would either make the job more bearable for the time being or allow you to take steps to chart a new course for yourself?

Which leads to the next piece…what is it that you really love? What is it that you would do for no money just simply for the fun of it? And what if that expression of your gift could also be your means of earning a living? What is it that expands you out as you engage in it, rather than contracts you inward? What is it that you feel called to? The word ‘career’ comes from the latin ‘vocarre’ which means ‘to call’. None of us are without a calling, some of us are just haven’t consciously heart it yet. So what steps could you take to engage in this calling expression more and more in your life? My truth is that there is always a beginning place that one is aware of, yet beginning there is a negotiation with the part of us who isn’t quite ready to begin there. Getting started there at this beginning is being on the path of sacred calling that opens out the next pieces in terms of direction, courage, and recognition by others in the world. Why would we think that offering something less in the world than our deepest gifts would be a good idea where our wellbeing is concerned? Value always flows to need and back again in a continual loop. What are you giving in the world that others need? Giving yourself to the deepest needs are what provides a deep security where material needs are concerned regardless of what’s happening ‘economically’. Seek to start your own independent economy where what you supply in the world is in high demand! This could be as simple a beginning as cleaning up trash in your neighbourhood, and gifting yourself to Gaia in this way, and adding waves of love and beauty to the world around you as you do. Starting there will lead you to your next piece as you feel into your deeper guidance around calling and purpose. You will not be without remuneration for your contribution.

Another piece is to let go of the idea of ever ‘retiring.’ You will be ever in gift exchange and contribution in the world as long as you are here. Life, if anything is a symbiosis of life exchanging with life. Here, it’s actually impossible for life not to look after you. Life begets life. Retiring, in the normal way it’s related to is to take yourself out of the contribution picture which is really taking yourself out of the life picture. You may change roles and let go of a career path, but see yourself as a deep and profound contributor as long as you have breath.

If you are living on a so called ‘fixed income’ (or from a saved nest egg), you are going to want to ‘unfix’ it. The ways you can do that are all about changing your relationship to money. Some of the most anxious people financially are people with significant savings, where the amount of anxiety actually INCREASES with the more money they have, and the longer they have it. Money itself only does good as it is transacted. Money in stasis is dead money, like fresh fruit going bad, losing value and causing anxiety as it sits there. Money in motion on the other hand is a love machine. What gifts of love could you give yourself with that money that will actually increase your trust in a benevolent universe?

And what about debt? Why on earth would you stay in commitment to old debts that you have little hope of ever paying off? This is a big way that people stay stuck using a self image picture of ‘doing the right thing’ and commit themselves to a drudgery of debt. What deeper gifts are you justifying withholding from the world as you do this so called ‘right thing’? The only debtors prison is the one you willingly remain in while the door is unlocked awaiting your courage and choice to leave. Bankruptcy is way easier than most imagine. For many, even simpler will be Debt Repudiation – just walking away from accumulated debts. The blocks to seeing and feeling this are all emotional in my truth. What gifts could you give the world after you gave yourself your self permission to break an unhealthy commitment to debt? Again, I ask ‘how could any strategy for financial security be valid if it’s about giving something less than your best gifts in the world?’ Symbiosis simply doesn’t work inside of a withhold!

Another big piece you can feel into is to gift money-as-love into places that align with your soul purpose and path. Giving money is a powerful way to plant seeds into the soil you desire to rebase your life direction and growth into. Money is only energy and all energy is sourced ultimately in love. I would love to be in a love-gift money exchange place with you if my work is a gift to you. You can do that on our Patreon page here: Maybe fully receiving the gift I have for you can’t occur for you until you enter into a deeper reciprocity with me, and vice-versa. Again, it’s the flow of love and the flow of money in a seedtime-and-harvest reality that moves our worlds, both internally and externally.

Another big way to move your relationship to money is to see every expense you have as a ‘gift of you’ instead of a bill to pay or an obligation. You are now gifting the power company money in exchange for the gift they gave you of electricity piped into your home. Wow! You are gifting the grocery store with love-money for their love gifts to you that nourish your body. What could be more sacred? You just got all this benefit, just by giving them some digits from a computer screen or some magical pieces of paper! If you can’t give this gift with joy, you are corrupting the gift, along with your own alchemy. Maybe you should more integrously consider refusing their gift and setting up your own solar system or growing your own food if that feels more in alignment with your deepest love expression in the world. Can you feel how big this is to stop ‘paying for’ anything, to be instead in a love gift and deep gratitude exchange with everything you acquire in the world for your wellbeing? Talk about entering Golden Earth Now…! and doing it all from a change in heart…

I’m curious how this is landing in you. Can you feel a ‘new world order’ wanting to arise inside of you personally? I’d like to further help you through session space if you feel I could be of further help to you around feeling and healing the parts of you that need you to show up in a way that you haven’t up till now been able to, in order to make these kind of quantum jumps into new worlds of reality. You can read more at the following link about the session space I (and SoulFullHeart) offer…

The old ways of relating to money may still have some inertia as they continue to move through your life, but the very big difference is that these movements are diminishing, as new ways are arising. You are entering a new world at a rate and pace that is in alignment with feeling all there is to feel along the way. It’s in feeling this ‘all there is to feel’ as blossoming sacred humans that change happens. It is here that our inner and outer worlds are transformed.

(If you’d like to listen to a recording of an awesome recent group call that we did on money, you can do that here: SoulFullHeart Group Call – Money, Abundance, Soul Purpose, Guided Meditation)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to make a donation to support our work at

Living From Our Gifts


By Raphael Awen

Are you living from your deepest gift expression in the world? If not, would you like to be?

These questions have been a deep, ongoing, and significant process for all of us at SoulFullHeart. And If that desire is up for you too, I invite you to join in and track our journey. All of us have taken significant and guided steps over time to let go of careers in order to pursue our deeper heart and soul based career, and I feel we could help you walk that out too.

Below, I re-share a Facebook post from a few months back where i’m transparent about what’s going on for us around money. Our money timeline is already showing signs of significant shifts from the time of this post, and we are eager to land more on this new timeline!

Here’s that recent post:

The five of us, who currently make up the main backbone of SoulFullHeart, have been squeezing the last drops out of some old, tired and dated laptops, 2 tablets and 2 cellphones that date back as far as 2008. Beyond scuffed, they are dented, cracked, and even burnt, yet they are our current beloveds. These current beloveds go in and out of repair shops, and each other’s hands during a given day to work out logistics and work schedules between us. It has felt humbling to have let go of old money generating careers where these needs simply would have been taken care of by going out and replacing them long before they arrived at the state our current stuff is in. It has really ‘pushed up’ a whole new level of relationship to material things and our trust in the universe (or lack thereof).

What I’ve felt guided to do, in holding this desire and need, where the money isn’t yet here to go out and buy new stuff, is to creatively visualize the new stuff. This involves window shopping on line and REALLY FEELING into what it is we want and getting specific. And it felt important and it was part of the guidance as well to NOT be budget minded in this creative visualization. Now, I can be very happy with a second hand hand me down, but for this creative visualization, I was and am being asked to feel that even though we feel like at times we are experiencing a lack or a scarcity, that there is ultimately no lack or scarcity in the intelligent and abundant universe.

A big piece to feel in that is that if I am experiencing something like our current computer lack, then that experience is what the abundant and intelligent universe is abundantly giving me to experience at the moment. However, I am also convinced that I’m being asked to learn my way through to a new level of manifestation at the same time, and trust that the new will arise in perfect timing that I am also a part of effecting. The universe and I both are learning through my desire and my lack.

So, the online shopping, of the non-budget variety, after many options and needs considerations, has led us to settle on 5 Macbooks, most current versions, along with the current IPhones, and plenty of accessories. Then beyond the online shopping has been to go to actual stores and physically touch and handle these new beloveds which I’ve also done and continue to do.

Then, I also was guided to the ‘Akashic Bank!’ Who knew, huh?…not far from the Akashic Records building in Golden Earth is the most beautiful structure and surrounds that I related to as the Akashic Bank. It’s connected to the Universal Allness – Source of All that is. It was a tearful and fearful awe and reverence moment to feel this upstream source connection to all that is. Here, in this building, I was reminded that anything we desire here in this 3d dimension comes from Gaia! Every last bit of it…AND that there is no lack. If I obtain something beautiful, that does not mean less for anyone else…in fact, the opposite is true…if I learn how to draw abundance, I open the doors for others to do the same in the process.

I even imagined a brown clad UPS delivery guy stepping out of some alternative timeline showing up in my neighborhood looking for my address with a bunch of boxes for me.

He hasn’t arrived just yet, and if it comes in a more native way, or over some steps at a time, I do feel I am being asked to cooperate with the universe in holding deep desire and creatively visualizing the outcome.

It has felt at times scarily close to some edge to be living into these new ways of relating to needs and desires. And that edge is really a perceived edge that’s found in our deepest abiding and budding trust in a new way of relating to love, and abundance. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt more held and loved and less anxiety about money and needs than I have now, even as some of our needs feel more acute than they ever have.

Check out our Patreon Page: . We’d love to receive of your bounty!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

On Top Of Being Manifestation, You Are Also Manifesting Being

Day 3 Yeshua

By Raphael Awen

This is Day 3 of my new introduction to my soon-to-be, re-released book ‘90 Days With Yeshua’.

Here we explore together, in our easy dialogue fashion, how to relate to manifesting our desires, what blocks that, and why.


Raphael: Good morning Yeshua.

Yeshua: Hey, Good Morning my man, where are we off to today?

R: I’d like to talk with you about manifestation, cuz it feels like a bunch is wanting to manifest in my life and I’m a bit impatient about it too.

Y: Okay, tell me what you know so far…

R: Well, we’ve covered much of this before and I do feel how all of us don’t so much have a ‘broken manifester’ as some like to call it, or a ‘lacking manifester’, but rather a very well working manifester that is just busy manifesting things that a more conscious part of the person may well not like.

Another piece I feel how even my biological life in this moment is pure magic in manifestation. There’s not a scientific or medical explanation that can touch the magnificence of the wonder that I am on just a biological level alone. But I still feel I want to become a whole lot more fluent around learning how to manifest what I really want, like there’s some technology I’m missing, or is patience I’m missing, or some of both? Can you help me feel what I need to see and feel around this?

Y: Yes, we work this out together actually, co-creatively…. you have a desire energy moving through you, to learn more, and desire to manifest new things that are high on your appetite, and I have a desire to use this pregnant moment to not just hand you a fish, but to teach you to fish, anytime you want to.

R: So we’re both in the manifestation world then…

Y: Yes, and so is the rest of consciousness, always wanting to learn and feel new things it hasn’t felt yet, especially around manifesting things and expanded realities.

R: So it’s not just me and my desires?

Y: Well, yes and no, but we’ll get to that in a moment. First, can you tell me what you are wanting to manifest?

R: Sure. New laptops. New smartphones. Clothing. An oceanside retreat centre. More interest in SoulFullHeart and more income. It’s been a dearth over the past couple years that we are now evidently moving out of, which seems to make patience a bit harder, to have desires start to flow, if you know what I mean…

Y: I always know what you mean! I don’t ask you to explain for my benefit. I ask you so that our published dialogue can make heart sense to those reading this and land in more hearts.

I so get it, Raphael. Desire itself is moving through you. You tend to feel like these are your desires and then that you need to get better at looking after those desires. I want you to feel for a moment that what you are desiring isn’t just coming from your sense of self or wellbeing, or from that much maligned place called your ego. Desire couldn’t actually live in you unless it found ego attachment, so a key here to feel is that your egos desires are NOT what is ‘in the way.’

R: I like where this is going so far, but I haven’t a clue where it’s going next, consciously at least…

Y: Yet you are willing to look, willing to want, willing to risk not finding anything helpful or what you’d call a breakthrough. What do you say to that?

R: I do feel a residual place in me that is hesitant to even have this conversation because it takes work somehow, and there isn’t any guarantee that it will turn up what I want quickly…seeking instead some kind of quick fix. But, yes, I am willing to face the part of me that holds that feeling with an open hearted trust and compassion for whatever caused that kind of hesitation towards life and abundance, with a desire to feel what life is like beyond these current feeling boundaries.

Y: There you go. Right there, you scooped a big piece of what you are looking for today. A part of you not sure if you can find and have what you really want, if it’s worth any effort to pursue it. Now that wouldn’t work in your previous paradigm of working and earning the money for what you wanted to manifest. You needed to believe you could earn the money and the seller of the item you wanted to buy from would hold his end of the promise and come through. All of that worked on faith, just on a more common everyday level. You are seeking to manifest on a more refined level, but it still is led by your trust and faith.

And furthermore, you don’t want to win any kind of ungrounded lottery here, based in pure chance. That only puts you in some kind of freak show, where no one around you is helped by your shift in life. Life wants to move you along WITH others in tow.

R: That speaks then to the bigger picture….my desires aren’t just mine like I tend to feel them. I’ve questioned myself a fair bit for being caught up in some ego pursuit, wanting the best laptop money can buy, etc.

Y: Raphael, why wouldn’t the universe want you to have the best laptop money can buy?

R: Well, maybe there’s other things more important that I need to learn first, that getting the laptop would hinder my growth…stuff like that.

Y: Well, that sounds really pious and even insightful, and maybe even true….but can you see how holding it that way can be using a truth to accommodate an untruth?

R: …Like spending my time preparing to not have something I deeply desire, so that the disappointment is somehow managed…

Y: Totally. Now compare that to let’s say, in the old paradigm of obtaining things, you went out and earned the money, placed an on-line order for the thing and were now all excited anticipating its arrival. You wouldn’t tend to think your excitement about its arrival was what was bringing it to you, but rather that you bought and paid for it. You earned it, you would say. You paid for it, and therefore you can joyously anticipate its arrival.

R: I’m tracking…

Y: Good, cuz we’re about to take a leap here. Hang on!

In this old picture, you would have an expectation based upon the entitlement of having earned the thing and that would be powering your excited anticipation. But what I want you to feel is that it was your excited anticipation of having the thing in your life that powered you to do the work to earn the money…do you see that?

R: Totally…

Y: I’m not sure you do…

R: Okay, I’m not sure I do either…but what I hear you speaking to is something about the real ‘work’ of manifesting has more to do with the wanting the thing than it does with the method of obtaining the thing…

Y: Yes! You’re getting it. It always was and is desire that manifests, and the real work always was and is holding desire….no different now that you’ve retired from a money earning based career.

R: And you’re saying there still is work involved?

Y: Yes, but this kind of work takes different muscles…to move a different kind of energy movement…

R: …Such as moving that feeling reality inside of me that the universe may not want this for me, that it’s too ego based…etc.

Y: …that line of reasoning has been simply a great way to disown desire, and get yourself out of the work of holding desire….so what if a big ego needs to drive a big truck and is a workaholic to make the payments…he’s learning his way to manifesting his desire in the universe…

R: but it’s not healthy Yeshua to live like that…

Y: Maybe so from your perch, but who are you to judge the lessons he is spending his life to learn?

R: I guess the answer to that is someone feeling superior because of my self proclaimed more evolved way of relating to life…

Y: higher, lower…. It’s all still measuring on the same stick, just at different ends…

R: So what stick would you suggest?

Y: I would suggest letting go of the feeling that coming from any more evolved place, or moral place, gets you anywhere. That isn’t what moves manifestation. What moves manifestation is being willing to incubate desire inside your personal manifester – period.

R: Period?…I’m hoping you’ll say more because I feel like I’ve heard this before and it still has further to land in me.

Y: Well, okay, let’s see if we can lift that period a moment longer… I love your curiosity and need to know…. What I can feel you coming to terms with, from what we’ve been feeling together today is that effort or work is still involved. Just because you don’t go out and earn money in the old way and then in turn go purchase it, you still do very much ‘work for it’, so to speak. It still takes energy to flow, or what you call ‘work’, for anything to manifest. What’s different is that that the energy required is free in terms of it being super-abundant, but the energy only moves as you are willing to hold the desire. Desire, you could say, constructs the pipeline that delivers the object, regardless of whether it manifests spectacularly out of thin air, or is the result of a purchase using earned money. Willingness we could say is even greater than desire because desire isn’t hard to come up with. You just want the thing or you don’t. What takes the work is the willingness to hold the desire….

R: We’ve talked about this all before and yet, I feel like I still need to hear it and feel it some more…can you say more?

Y: Sure…what more needs to be said is the other side of this truth. We’ve been feeling where work comes into the picture. What is also true in this picture is that manifesting your dreams is natural, and even effortless. It may sound contradictory to what we just covered, but I like to call it paradoxical, rather than contradictory. All great truths are paradoxes.

R: I love truth that dances inside of a polarity….I hope those tracking this conversation can too.

Y: Well, this truth opens out paradox in a good way. Manifestation requires choice, and even work as we talked about to hold desire. It isn’t going to happen in a dualistic world without just that, some dual. On the other hand, a fight of any kind isn’t what brings manifestation about. Manifestation simply wants to manifest. It doesn’t need any of your efforts to make it happen. It’s a power of its own and will manifest effortlessly. What you can do however in service of this manifestation naturally arising in your life is to choose to let that in. Manifestation of your deeper desires is a timeline of events and arising circumstances that require your permission. The tree grows on its own, but you provide and protect a space for the tree to grow.

R: Man, you’re hot stuff!

Y: You’re feeling full up about now, right?

R: Yes, I am. This stuff so needs to be felt and lived into to digest and make room for more.

Y: On that note, here’s just one last piece for dessert before we close if you can find the room.

R: Always…

Y: Okay, good, because this is a lot today and I’d like to give you a nice little tote bag to carry this home.

R: Awesome…

Y: We’re talking about manifestation from the point of view of how to increase its working in your life, but in that we can miss the forest for the trees. The forest, if you will, is this. You ARE manifestation. Every cell in your physical, emotional, spiritual being IS manifestation. On top of BEING manifestation, you are also manifesting BEING. How you do that consciously, or unconsciously is what steers the manifestations on the levels we’ve been discussing it today.

R: Okay, now I’m really full…

Y: So am I, you’re a lot you know?

R: I’ll take that as a compliment…

Y: Totally…you deserve it. I don’t know anyone quite as maniacal as you.

R: Thank you so much Yeshua

Y: You are so welcome.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration. Your support is deeply appreciated here:

Quantum Service: The All In One


By Raphael Awen

It’s not what you do or don’t do that makes all the difference, but rather how and why you do what you do, or don’t do, that changes the entire world…quite literally…I might add.

New science is verifying this to be fact.

One might ‘do their part’ by volunteering at a soup kitchen, making a contribution to alleviate a shortage of volunteers. That by itself could be seen as a linear kind of service. The kitchen needed 5 volunteers, and you reduced that need by one. All good. BUT, there’s something way more profound going on here while you were making soup, or thinking about making soup. What energy moved you to volunteer? What energy moved through you as you performed the act? What internal obstacles did you face as you chose the action?

What you did on an internal level is where the quantum level of service comes in.

New science is proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that we are all connected in ways more profound than we imagined. We are living in the days of what was hidden and concealed, is now being revealed. One of the aspects of new science has to do with the entire universe, (or multiverse for that matter) being a holographic projection. An aspect of this reality is the reality of ‘fractals’, that ‘any part contains the entire whole’, where the molecular structure for instance of a grain of sand is identical to the structure of a galaxy or a black hole. Both carry, or rather ARE deep intelligence, quite beyond our limited minds to comprehend. The new science confirms what so many of our personal intuitions have long been aware of. Whether it’s through intuition, or new emerging science, or a combination of both, we are left in a state of reverence and awe. The more we look, the more we see what we never saw, that we weren’t ready to see, but are now being invited into.

What the intuitions and new science are revealing to us is the profound interconnection of all things. From this it is quite clear, that what is done by one, and for one, is actually done to and for The All. This tells us that the motive ground is the quantum ground because of this interconnection.

What this means is that none of us are any less ‘consciousness evolving and learning its way to love’ than anyone else. We may esteem Jesus and Buddha for their historical example and contribution, but Jesus WAS you and you ARE him on a quantum level. If an act of love was ever imprinted on consciousness by anyone, you can find that imprint inside of THE ALL of your own personal consciousness. There is only one consciousness, and you have a lease on it, as an individuated part of it.

This is such crazy cool stuff, I find it hard to write! Being logical and present to the mind keeps collapsing into awe and reverence. And maybe, that’s the greatest contribution right there…moments spent in awe in reverence, by consciousness (you) looking at consciousness (the essence of all things) and consciousness looking back at you.

So let’s say that in order to pitch in at the soup kitchen, you had a deep personal process of feeling the part of you that holds judgment about people who ‘let themselves go down hill’ and through it all, you came to find that you had your own ‘inner derelict’ and downtrodden part of yourself buried by a more functional part of you. And in this process, you had great tears of homecoming to yourself to finally to find and feel this fear ground inside yourself, as well as this part of you working so hard in fear to avoid becoming ‘like them’ and all of this was, in large part, your real motive ground for being the hardworking and focused person you are.

Wow, now, you’ve just moved consciousness itself very much inside of yourself and made that movement available and uploaded it to the entire interconnected multiverse-wide-web of the love that we are and made it available for free download to any who are ready and willing to inhabit similar growth steps.

Now, you did something so much more than fill an empty volunteer space. You transformed consciousness.

And even cooler still, you did it before you focused outward. Your deepest and truest service to self was the quantum service to the all.

Everything you felt, that was difficult to feel moved the universe inside of you and also moved the entire universe in the process. In a fractal reality, one cannot be moved without the other, for there actually is only one ‘uni’-verse.

Then, another step is feeling the deeper reality that out beyond the projected reality of time and space, in ‘no-time’ and ‘no-space’, is where you can feel and download these movements that technically haven’t happened ‘anywhere’ ‘yet’. All the courage you need for any step that you need to take already exists on a quantum level. So, if that’s true, then any movement we make internally draws upon and replenishes this interconnected web of quantum energy in an infinite multiplication kind of way energizing it for others.

Now this feels true for those working in and on negative timelines also. They download and make negative contributions that then get energized out to others. However, because there is ONLY love, even those energizing evil are actually, and can actually, ONLY be in service of love…ultimately speaking. Only love is real, all else is love’s projected illusion or theatre to tell it’s story.

So what all of this means again, in part at least, is that everything you feel, and desire, and courageously choose in your deepest dark night of the soul kind of experience that no one sees IS the quantum service contribution to The All. What feels so private in personal healing process couldn’t actually be more public. We are fast entering the age of transparency and the end of secrecy; the age of abundance and the end of scarcity. We retain personal space and boundaries, but our ‘walls’ are turning to glass…or crystal actually, as we inhabit our own personal Ascension and light body.

All that is not love falls away to reveal the love that we are.

Here and now we don’t simply give to others through linear acts of kindness, but instead are a literal machine that multiplies and manufactures love into the infinite and abundant multiverse of love that we all are.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

From Sword to Chalice: The Journey of the King of Heart


By Raphael Awen

If there’s one thing about a King, in our minds at least, he does what he wants, when he wants.

He is anything but small.

In our deepest heart-picture of this King, he knows the greatest fulfillments possible because he is a benevolent King. He rules with the best interests of all in his Kingdom. And in this way, the heart of the King, extends to his Queen, which kindles a hearth, and this hearth-warmth extends beyond to fill the entire Kingdom. Wealth and bounty are the results.

This idealized picture is more than a picture. It is a way of being that anyone who wants to can tune into and play in and on the instrument of their lives.

And it’s not gender specific. There is nothing quite so powerful and beautiful as a woman who knows her own inner King. She knows the ‘he’ of her ‘she’.

This true King of hearts however didn’t end up here simply by being lazily born into something. No, life brought him a very individual and specific-to-him set of circumstances that he navigated from the bridge of his heart when there seemed like nothing to gain and everything to lose. In fact, he’s lost many things and many times, more than once excruciatingly so.

One of the first things he had to let go of by way of deep loss was the fight for what was right and the need to be right to instead allow his feeling heart to sort out what was truly right on a far deeper scale than a moral dictate. In this way, great internal conflicts had to be faced and felt, navigated and negotiated to arrive here at peace with self. His outer kingdom is only and ever a reflection of the pursuit of his own inner kingdom. His entitlements are really his ‘in’-titlements. He’s found all he’s found through his own heart. No one had to be made any less for him to know his more. And no one or no thing can take away what he’s possessed.

The heart of the King is a place of rest now from fighting for anything where peace now reigns, and all subjects in his kingdom can feel an unmistakable emanation of that peace. The sword has been replaced by the chalice.

All of us, male and female, can know this inner King state. Arriving here is a way of being and is the result of a desired and decreed journey of the heart that you choose yourself, for you and by you. After all, you are the sovereign of your own heart and your inner Kingdom and your inner Queendom extend to all you know, and beyond to those you don’t yet know. This outer reflection of others matching the inner reflection of the discovery and peace that now exists between all parts of yourself…

And somehow, in this magical YOUniverse, there is no shortage of space for everyone’s Kingdom. The presence of yours is not to the detriment of mine. You having all you want and need and desire, no matter how large and grand, is not at my expense in any way. In fact, the opposite is true in this infinitely abundant reality. Abundance flows from this Kings heart. There’s actually way more than can ever be needed or used. When I feel your real and true abundance, your heart bounty…it triggers my own, more and more.

Our challenge has gone from not having to having. What in the world will you do with all this? Your task has now changed from seeking what you want and need to finding a place to share your bounty.

Who could have imagined when you set out in this journey, feeling so pressed by what felt missing, that this would be your ending? How could such unrest and an urge to fight lead to such peace and rest? The timelines have merged. The fight has collapsed into love.

You found you. You let in you. It was no small undertaking, but my god, was it ever worth the entire journey…

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

The Quest For The Sacred Masculine


By Raphael Awen

The question of ‘What is the Sacred Masculine?’ is itself, in big part, the quest for the Sacred Masculine.

It is the search for the hidden.

It is the willingness to search for something that you haven’t yet defined or understood mentally under the intuition that you’ll know it when you see it.

It is the knowledge that you have been called to search for something that you know you once knew something of, but willingly surrendered to forgetting in order to be re-membered and re-quested back into as a way of being re-initiated and re-instated back into its essence, albeit at a much deeper level of awareness and lived-into reality.

It is the knowledge that the mystery of the Sacred Masculine will always be shrouded and protected to significant degree from those who have chosen timelines of being veiled from its awareness. As Yeshua said ‘It is given to those who are ready to see, and for the rest, it remains safely hidden in parables’.

Further, the willingness and readiness to see it is also what creates it. It is not an ‘external to us’ kind of thing. It is IN us.

AND, it is equally offered to both male and female, though understandably, initially men will naturally be drawn more than women to plumb its depths.

Our gender expression this life is meant to be more like a multi-dimensional home address to return to, in a universe of travel and discovery, rather than a tether to a life of duty and obligation, anchored to one time and place. We get to hold a primary gender polarity as a player in this divine duality dance, but we are welcome to experience the farthest reaches of the entire dance floor.

Being gifted with a sacred calling to seek, discover and inhabit both the Sacred Masculine and the Divine Feminine inside of our individual selves is a gift of cosmic proportions. The universe is actually seeking to know itself through us. It wants to make you its next trophy experience that legends are made of.

AND, because we ARE the whole at the same time as we are the individual, in this fractal reality, consciousness itself is living out its own discovery and quest of the Sacred Masculine in real time. When you feel that, it changes from a personal achievement or attainment picture to a cosmic ache living its way through you. The consolation to the ache is that what the universe discovers on this quest moving through you, YOU will be the first beneficiary of, to walk out that truth in your everyday life and relationships.

You are literally given a new operating system that forms the basis of your being. You, as you know you, will go through layers upon layers of transmutation. Now, you can see why this level of these kinds of truths are hidden away in parables and mystery and archetype. It’s not that the universe wants to keep anything from you, it’s much more like YOU are keeping things from the universe! The universe cannot force anything upon you. It can only move by your permission and desire.

This is the ’emotorium’ in which all of our life dramas are much like movies meant to ‘move’ us. The word ‘movies’ was invented when pictures went from still pictures to moving pictures, or motion-pictures. We are now at a cosmologically heightened tipping point where our lives, much in the same way, are invited to let go of still-picture living and let in a life of momentum in continual change. That includes death and rebirth. That includes chaos. That includes the essence of all that is moving through us, but again, not without our permission and desire.

The quest for the Sacred Masculine is very much an inner quest, that MANifests in your outer reality. Very good advice would be to count the cost before you undertake such a journey. Your life as you know it now is guaranteed to be different in ways you cannot predict or know going in.

What do you feel about your roles of husband, father, career person, your friends and family? If you approach coming to embody more of the Sacred Masculine without giving it a permission to disrupt your life as you know it, or expecting it only to be an enhancement to your present life, you can be sure the veil to the Sacred Masculine will remain a firm boundary refusing you entry. In this way, the Sacred Masculine is not out to spite you, but actually protecting you from what you are not yet ready for. You may have matured physically, but the universe requires you to be coming of age emotionally for this initiation to be a healthy one for you. Only now can these epic journeys be life-giving instead of traumas. Only now can you take gigantic steps forward into what you were meant to be, with your permission, desire and readiness leading.

Ultimately, I know this will be an infinite and ongoing discovery. One day’s celebrated achievements will be lovingly seen and reminisced later as kindergarten level experiences that bred in us the courage for the next step, as they were meant to, and as the need to compare and rate experience becomes more and more irrelevant.

We are all being invited into our personal and collective ‘more’ as the universe holds all the space and time needed as the emotorium that it is, producing our movements, with the feminine and masculine polarities providing what once was seen as separation and division, but now providing the most exquisite of experience beyond all previously imagined.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

The Energy in motion of our E-motion-all Body

By Raphael Awen

Until we surrender to our feelings, we are stuck in a stasis.

It has been said that our emotions are our e-motions, or our ‘energy in motion’. If life is anything, on whatever level you wish to look at it, be it physical, spiritual, metaphysical, micro, macro,….all of it is energy in motion.

And what you are feeling right now is energy moving through the energy-in-motion that YOU are. You are reading this seeking something. That is desire, want, seeking, moving through you. E-motive-ly. This is your motive for being.

People have long advised and devised multitudinous ways to overcome our feelings, reprogram our feelings, numb our feelings, but what we have failed to see in every one of these proposed solutions to our feelings is that the solution is proposing another feeling overlay to the one deemed unwanted.

We’re left with a inner war of feelings where one part of us in our psyche seeks to maintain dominance and control over another part of ourselves. This controlling part is then essentially running our lives, living our life as us. And gratefully so, some ‘one’ needs to look after life, until a new arising authentic us can show up to the relief of all involved.

Why we’ve worked so hard collectively to suppress and demonize (in many cases literally) our feelings is up for ongoing discovery, but for me, what feels so apparent is that it has been a way and a strategy for us to regulate the pace of our growth to what for most is a snail’s pace, or even a reverse direction, born out of the very real fear of our own bigness. Our feelings are the portal to our own greatness and the doorway out of our stasis into the infinity of love that we actually are.

Am I saying that feelings of depression or anxiety or rage are this portal to more? What about something so debilitating as shame, or the related inner critic? Are these emotions moving through me somehow a portal to my deeper essence?

‘Why,’ you may say, ‘I’ve always perceived these dark emotions as the barrier to my arising, not any portal to my ongoing awakening.’

I so get that. I too lived in that domain most of my life. What I want to offer you and offer you deeply is a ‘what if?’ question to feel and see where it takes you.

Here goes:

‘What if what you’ve related to as your negative emotions are actually the portal to more and more of your authentic-self arising to lead and flow in life?’

This what-if question (and its quest) could go on and on, worded in so many ways, but you get and feel the tone of it. I know you do…I can feel you do, or these words wouldn’t be holding you right now.

Wow, if this question is pointing you where I think it is, then there is no such thing as a negative (negating) emotion. There is only invitation into what is, to more of the all that you are, that is awaiting you. Why would any one of us be okay with leaving a part of us behind!?

Of course, I so get and feel the resistance we’ve all worked so hard at to keep our emotional worlds from infecting our self image togetherness. We, men more so, but women too, have relegated the emotional body to the insubstantial, to the meaningless, to the powerless, when in actuality, it is the essence of what we are. And we don’t get to embrace our essence any other way, but by going inward to all that we are, getting to know and feel who stands at the door of our hearts that we previously feared, but now open out to in genuine curiosity and love.

Now we finally cease demanding that some one else takes care of us in the multitude of ways we can do just that bass in a medicative relationship to all of life, and we begin instead taking care of ourselves in an ever deepening way beyond what we’ve ever known or imagined.

In SoulFullHeart, we take seriously each arising part of us and get to know and feel them intimately without judgment toward their charge and strategies, but instead open out to feeling why they are the way they are, and why they feel what they do, with all the time and process needed, with tears of gratitude for all they held in our absence.

My truth is that only as this kind of rigorous self-differentiation process, recognizing the emotional body, grounded in our everyday life and relationships unfolds for us, can we genuinely trust that our draw to spiritual practices are not simply another drug of medication to numb and keep unfelt emotional pain at bay.

If we have not embraced the emotional body, our seeking of Ascension or ‘raising our frequency’ becomes very suspect as simply a way to transcend our essence as a human being.

That may work for a part of you, but is it enough for you?

How much richer and fuller could your Ascension awakening be if no part of you gets left behind, allowing all of your energy in motion to fully flow into the infinite magic and wonder of life?

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, retreats, writings, and more.

Living Beyond Duty And Obligation



By Raphael Awen

Is there a new and healthier way to relate to responsibility? ….that isn’t about the old ways of duty, sacrifice and obligation?

This question came up on the Men’s call Saturday as we felt into what does a man truly ‘showing up’ in life look like.

I’ve had to give this question a lot of space this life as I set out as a young man to really ‘do it right’ with choice and commitment leading over any kind of ‘wishy washy feelings’ hindering my progress. It worked really well for me and a solid self image around it provided me a strong sense of momentum and togetherness, and life direction, until,…it no longer did.

Decades later, I became very uncomfortable with doing what was right when it was more and more becoming evident, that I was living for the approval of some part of me, or living AS this approval seeking part of me. I could feel that between the dictates of duty and my own heart was a whole new ground I was being invited to enter.

I knew the choices I was about to make would not harm anyone intentionally, but I knew many would be unavoidably hurt. I concluded a marriage bond of 23 years and let it be known to my very Christian world that I no longer held Jesus as my personal saviour. There was hardly any larger of a dynamite that could have been placed under my world as I knew it, and yet I felt held by life and the divine to declare and walk out these new choices.

I remember telling friends and family that I no longer wished to live my life by the dictates of duty and obligation. It was very evident to me that my deepest heart and greatest gifts that I had to give the world were not out of synch with the deepest gifts I had to give myself. I knew the message that ‘self is bad’ was no longer working for me. I knew I wanted to live from my heart and I knew I wanted to make my own heart a beautiful place,…the ‘hearth of my own heart.’ Instinctively, I knew I was in fact opening my heart to friends and family for the first time, but that me saying such a deep ‘no’ to a previously agreed upon way of relating together would probably and understandably end the relationships.

This new way of relating to responsibility is a key piece denoting entirely different planes of existence. And it hinges deeply on not just the idea, but the deeply held emotional feeling ground that the self is bad. While this feeling world lives intact inside of us, it works like a free energy device generating a cohesive operating system to power and navigate life. When this inner ocean of inner self-unworth begins to be felt and nurtured by one’s own maturing and arising higher self, along with their conscious and arising more authentic self, one can only expect huge rumbles that will play out in their life as they know it.

So what then would the new operating system look like, that wasn’t based in duty and obligation? “Is it just giving in to doing whatever you want, whenever you want?” Is the usual question of protest that is raised by those feeling uncomfortable with even discussing this question.

Honestly, the short answer to that question, for me is simply ‘yes.’ The longer process around that question is learning more and more about what I actually want, even through the experience of doing it wrong, or even causing harm. Only by feeling what I truly want and what others truly want can I ever harmonize the love that I am with the love that the universe is. Only through ceasing to deny myself the love that I am can I cease denying the love that I am to another.

I need not make any longer case here about the difference between operating from heart vs. operating from a moral code, or self-imposed or society-imposed ‘shoulds’.You can feel this and don’t need to be convinced of it any further if it resonates for you.

What does bear feeling further in all of this though is the difference between how a ‘leading edge’ part of you can agree wholeheartedly, while another ‘trailing edge’ part of you, at the same time, can be very attached to living in the old dynamics. Being of two minds in this way is normal for most of present day human consciousness. Finding a way to bridge between these polarized parts of ourselves is our key to sanity, rather than just living in a default war between these parts of ourselves, or a default deadness survival pattern.

In this way, real sanity is feeling how a ‘split personality’ is true for all of us to significant degree under the layer of our presented-to-the-world self image of togetherness. Our deepest sanity isn’t about a forced external pretense of unity inside of ourselves, but rather a deep commune between each part of ourselves that is led by our arising authentic self who can be heart-present to every part of ourselves in a conflict.

In SoulFullHeart, we intimately get to know and feel parts of ourselves. We feel how they live and express in us in both wounded and healed expression. We hold a space for every part of us that arises in reactivity to life and relationships. Anything less than feeling how our conflicts live in us sub-personally (in our sub-personalities) in this way is simply another trip down the self improvement aisle of the bookstore by the very part of us seeking to change itself, while our authentic self isn’t yet awoken to its calling to lead our inner family.

And with our question at hand around duty and obligation, it’s here that the question really gets answered. Parts of ourselves can smell dutiful love a mile away and don’t buy it, and won’t respond to it. It is only through genuine curiosity and desire to feel that they will open out their world and secrets to us.

Only now as our inner world is felt in this way does our draw to spirituality, or awakening, or ascension become something that isn’t suspect as a medicative kind of reality covering over unfelt inner pain.

Only now can we embrace all of our-selves, from our roots to our wings, to be included in an awakening that doesn’t leave entire domains of our being untouched.

Only now can we more fully step out of duty and into our own heart as the sacred place that it is and always was.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

On Showing Up

By Raphael Awen


Never before are we being asked to show up like we are right now.

But what does it mean to ‘show up’?

The show is the show of your life, as you know it right now, as its unfolding before you. It is who and what is in your face, in your inbox. It is who has your number. It is what’s happening in public and private.

There’s a new word in our culture for the disappearing act people play when they want to exit a situation without facing a goodbye. It’s called ‘ghosting’. ‘Love bite’ is another very real scenario where a couple meet and soar to some mega heights of intimacy and sexuality, only to have one party inexplicably exit the relationship, leaving the other devastated.

Until we face and complete a situation or a relationship, we haven’t grounded the lessons life was wanting to give us through that very real drama in the show of our lives.

But what would propel us to avoid such completions? Could it be that subconsciously we are simply afraid to go on to our next lessons? Like the now quite famous saying of ‘our greatest fear is not that we are small, but rather that we are great beyond measure.’

I so believe that we are in the school of coming to terms with our own greatness, and this is what is going on in our relationship playouts. Life is ever seeking to lead us to know, feel and integrate our own bigness, the infinite love that we actually are, but have willingly forgotten, in order to be remembered into an even larger version of ourselves from the us that chose and surrendered to the forgetting.

Life is ever seeking to take us out into the deep waters beyond the fear of our own greatness into entirely new terrains that consciously we have yet to be introduced to. Life provides the path and stepping stones for us, but it only works to the degree we are willing to show up for it.

Showing up is about knowing what you really and truly want, and being willing to claim that, and then being willing to show up further for any of the fallouts and fallins that occur because of that claim.

Showing up for anything or anyone in life is only real if it begins with truly showing up for yourself in this way. Many will expound the virtues of selflessness here as a way to mask their fear of their own greatness. Showing up for others when you are not showing up for yourself is actually a form of cocreated and mutual abuse between you and the person you are supposedly helping. It’s a pact of mutuality to stay safely small known as caretaking.

Then these ghosting and love bite scenarios are the only option that’s left for people when their self worth is worn too low to sustain any more perceived loss to that meager self worth.

All of this changes intensely however when one begins choosing this new integration of showing up for themselves. Simply becoming honest with oneself reverses decades and even lifetimes of self-disintegration.

Where is life asking you to show up right now? I feel I can promise you (hopefully without sounding too parental) that if you are willing to show up for your own desires in this way, life will meet you and grace you with all that you need to navigate that choice point. Your choices are a very literal portal into the next versions of yourself that life is wanting to birth in you.

I’m showing up for a men’s group call tomorrow and I want to invite you to show up for it as well if this juice and energy calls to you. The group calls we lead most weekends are about introducing a path that we call SoulFullHeart and I invite you to check out our website as fully as it calls to you at The men’s group link for tomorrow is below (and there is a women’s group call that Jelelle is leading on April 15th..)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.

From Scared to Sacred: Initiation of the Sacred Masculine


If there was ever a time that we needed a new template for the sacred masculine, that time is now. But where could that come from and what would that look like?

The masculine is always and forever the Sacred Masculine. Masculinity itself is out learning its way into knowing and feeling its essence; an attribute of divinity, out divining its way, through you and I.

Masculinity, like femininity is a polarity of a duality dance, but when either polarity loses its polarity, it loses its attractive energy, its power, its appeal. It is neutralized, neutered, emasculated. It moved from the sacred to the scared. Afraid. Limp. Milquetoast.

That’s where we are now….at the edge of scared trying to see a path that will take us back to Sacred.

I don’t think we need a return to some refurbished tribal hazing ritual over a sleep deprived weekend in a large auditorium gathering of men, with men dressed in fatigues yelling at you like a military sergeant. It’s quite pathetic what we came up with to address this deep hunger for a masculine template. Nature abhors a vacuum, so something will always show up as a filler until something more is ready to lead.

So where’s the arena then? Where’s the training gymnasium? Where do we go to get what we never got, or lost along the way?

True masculine energy is a sovereign energy. It is a king leading his personal kingdom. True king power originates from the heart, and if this heart is anything, it is autonomous. It does what it wants to, when it wants to, and it lives with the results, be they healthy or unhealthy. The queen is no less sovereign, no less individual, offering her portal to the Kings quest for no other reason than she wants to…IF, she wants to. Duty and obligation in this domain of heart, have long given way to desire and choice.

You are already doing this, you just can’t see it. Your life as you know it right now is the perfect gymnasium asking you to show up. So many things await your awakening? So many choices await your decree. The ground of this erection of the true King energy is none other than your life, arising from the sacral chakra…Your life as you know it right now is the true arena, the only training gymnasium…awaiting both your heart-on and your hard-on…your choice, your action, your lead, your pursuit of what YOU actually want!

And you as a man are inextricably linked to all men. Each man is a fractal of every other doing and riding life in the same gender expression vehicle. Your inhabitation of your own sacred masculinity is your greatest gift to all men…and it’s automatic. The ground you gain becomes your gift to all.

You don’t need another man to give this to you, because no man can actually give this to you, but you may find, like I have, that I need an arena of life, with other men to lead this in myself.

If these words juice you and call to you, I’d like to invite you to be a part the virtual group call for men that I am leading with Gabriel Heartman this coming Saturday.

Message me and I’ll give you the details…gotta run, I have a life to lead…. 🙂 and a queen to pursue…

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit for more information and inspiration.