W: Hello Divine Father.

DF: Hello Wayne.

W: I didn’t have any sense come to me yet for where I wanted to go with you today, but I just wanted to connect and see what comes.

DF: Works for me, Wayne…

W: It’s great when a need is up and a desire is moving through me as a place to connect, but I’d like to feel I can connect with you any old time, like I don’t need to be primed or anything. In that, I hope others reading will feel how they can act on their own connection with you, right from where they’re at.

DF: Yes, there’s no secret formula, or special enlightenment attainment for someone to brag about. If there is anything that resembles a qualification around connecting with me, it’s no different than what makes for connecting with anyone else. Any relationship connection happens by desire and need, willingness to ask for what you want, or to share what you appreciate. That’s pretty much it.

Oh, maybe I’d add to that, ‘get real’ of course. How did people ever get convinced that masking their true feelings would make for a connection? That is the garden variety stuff of disconnection that we see so prevalent in relationships today.

W: I think the ‘get real’ qualification might come first, Father.

DF: Yeah, you’re right Wayne, because if you can’t feel a need or desire, or an appreciation to get started with, and instead, you are feeling flat, or hostile, all you can start with is the truth. Starting with the truth, something like “I’m not sure I like you and this is why,” or a “I’m so pissed, I want to tell you to fuck off” is actually relational, if you’re heart is seeking a response.

W: You asked ‘how did people ever get convinced that masking their true feelings would make for a connection?’ I’d like to know more about that because I’d say I spent a good part of my life relating to god and others in that territory, and can still find myself needing to pause, back up and get back to real at times.

DF: Now that is a really awesome question, that evidences that you are indeed on a quest, never ending learning and all of that. Why do people pretend? Near as I can tell, it’s simply fear of loss. People are afraid of losing love, or worse, getting disapproval from an other, that they will put forward feelings and energy and words and even a persona that isn’t them at all.

Sounds like in that though, it proves we are meant for love, and that love is native to us and so we go to these crazy lengths to try and have it.

Such crazy lengths in fact, that the person even convinces themselves and many around them that the growing false persona that they have put forward is in fact them, and not the stand-in that it is. This is the world of the false self.

W: How could someone be able to tell the difference between their false self doing the moment as compared to their authentic self?

DF: More good questions, Wayne. Thank you. Nothing makes for a deepening conversation than a heart open and hungry questioner. I think this one is really easy to feel and see the difference if someone is willing to be real with themselves. My truth is that whenever someone is operating from their false self, their needs are not being met. In other words, they aren’t being nourished. There is no joy or fulfillment in the relating. Often, it’s just a sense of duty or obligation that is providing the momentum in the relationship. This is the biggest killer for most people’s relationship with God, and with anyone else. Being devout towards God is the biggest lie there is, because there is always underneath the devotion unspoken and often unfelt anger and hurt towards God.

W: I can feel myself for so long in my past in the way under-nourished department in my relationship with god and others. I wished I was more attuned then to the under nourishment.

DF: What would you have done if you could have figured this one out sooner?

W: Well, I imagine I’d have found what I have with you now a lot sooner, and that would have meant for more nourishment and meaning with others sooner as well, and less suffering.

DF: While that’s true on one level, and ending suffering is the desire of the universe Wayne, the universe also knows that people need the time they need to be able to live their way to knowing and feeling the differences we’re talking about. Whether someone is on the side of not having this nourishment or having it deeply, both are an equally sacred human experience of coming-to-know. It’s the experience of not having that makes the having so sweet and treasured.

W: And the having is what actually melts away all the regret and sorrow over the not having.

DF: Exactly.

W: Christopher shared a piece of journaling today about feeling his past with men, and how much posturing there was around the guys, and how tender it felt to have what we have now in comparison, and then he felt it way deeper still, feeling how a part of him feared losing that with me if more men join in our connection. That he could find and feel that real and underlying vulnerability and bring it with tears is a gift that is still moving through me. That is nourishment.

DF: And you only know it when you know it. The pearl of great price.

W: And then you go and sell all that you have and go out and buy the field that pearl is contained in, if I remember that parable correctly.

DF: Yes, that’s it. I’d add to that: Or you don’t. Instead you remain in your predictable routine, your hiding, your suffering, while the universe aches with the ache you can’t yet feel and supports you to arrive eventually at your sovereign choice one fine day.

W: Father, it feels like all of manhood is aching for every man to grow in this way. That any man who takes any step in this growth is taking a step actually for all men.

DF: Yes, this is the real and true and deep ground of a man being a true man, in his real life, in his real relationships. Everything that is needed for his personal epic drama is in place. That his life looks so normal, so lackluster, so empty possibly, is all just contrasting backdrop to this epic story of the search for realness and nourishment that the universe supports him to reach out for and find and be forever changed. Hopefully, if the price and lesson is deep enough, he will never again return to the false world of pretense of going without for very long, and if he does, he can readily feel the difference and choose again.

W: I like feeling this feeling Father, I mean much of my waking consciousness feels normal and ordinary to me. To be able to feel my life as being this deep in love, and my own unfolding divinity and journey colors my feelings of myself.

DF: Crayola, 64 pack, man! Yes. Color in and out of the lines.

W: Thank you Father, You tired me out again.

DF: I thought I fired you up.

W: Well, you did, and then that needs time and life and rest to digest.

DF: So it does, Wayne.

W: Thank you Father.

 

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.