The Emotional Reasons Why Men Are Drawn To Porn: Sacred Masculine Blog Series

By Raphael Awen

9

He cannot relate to his own beauty, and neither can he relate to the beauty of the woman. To settle for looking at pictures of women’s awesome and naked beauty instead of having a personal and in the flesh experience of that beauty is like settling for pictures of nature, rather than experiencing the beauty of the forest, the ocean and the sunset.

I feel I’m downloading a bigger piece around the male attraction to porn.

Let me see if I can put some words around this that make sense and you tell me if this feels true for you or not.

For many, porn isn’t just an attraction, but a full on addiction with a ton of shame and self loathing.

Men are creatures of stunning beauty, and somewhere, deep inside, they know this. They know this, not consciously, but rather in the very fabric of their being. The universe doesn’t make any junk. This form of knowing lives in them despite everything else that says it isn’t so. The wounding, the self loathing, the deep core unworthiness that they carry in relation to what it means to be a man; none of it can diminish the actual and true beauty and power of what a man is in his essence.

But this beauty isn’t known and felt consciously or experientially. This incredible worth doesn’t colour their inner hearth of self-perception. Like an under-age heir to the throne, it’s theirs, but not yet.

To see yourself or any man as anything less than the grand beings they are is to perpetuate and contribute to this blocked access to true being. To call a man a pig because he paws over porn is to demean both the man and the pig.

Now this man, separated from his true worth and unable to embody it in life or relationships, is starved from the nourishment he was intended and created for. Outside of his own sovereign domain of worth, and unable to have a felt sense of his being, he turns to relate to women through this same separation from essence.

He cannot relate to his own beauty, and neither can he relate to the beauty of the woman. To settle for looking at pictures of women’s awesome and naked beauty instead of having a personal and in the flesh experience of that beauty is like settling for pictures of nature, rather than experiencing the beauty of the forest, the ocean and the sunset.

Both the woman and the man here in this settlement are utterly excluded from true and validating experience of beauty and sexuality. The porno-graph is a lousy substitute for the porno-experience.

The man is essentially using porn as an attempt to hold his relationship with his separation and banishment from true beauty.

It could be said that a man awakening to his sexuality could be served by a teen phase of porn, or a man needing to awaken his desire, but to settle for it, means something deep inside is disconnected and dying.

Like any addiction, now, porn becomes an attachment to replace a missing something. Any addiction is not a bad thing. It’s telling us something. We may not like it’s effects on our lives, but that doesn’t make it bad or wrong or evil. It’s something that is calling our attention.

Men are meant to function in connection with the greatness of their worth. Anything less than living from that ground stirs ache and frustration, all of which call him to something more. If a man is anything, he is a being in search of more.

Finding and living into that more is what life is about.

If you are in search of more and you feel I could serve you in finding your more, I’d like to hear from you. The work I offer is about discovering the parts of your being and what their needs are. As you get in touch with each of your parts, you come to know the part of you that holds your relationship to porn. Now, finally, the war with self can truly be over as you come to discover your true inner beauty.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

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