A Soul’s Declaration

“I am a Knight and Priest of The Magdalene Order of the Rose”. Those are words that came to me this morning in meditation. This could be Metasoul brother of mine, or it could be a soul awakening. Or both. When I let those words as a code enter my being, I felt different. I felt a coming home to myself within my masculine and feminine. 

Lately, I have been listening to music that has been connecting me to multiple masculine aspects within myself in multiple timelines. A Druid priest and teacher, an Essene co-leader, a knight of Arthur’s Round Table, and a Templar monk/knight. I have felt them surrounding my feminine in a calling for reconciliation and integration. I have let that process just unfurl itself through occasional journaling, meditating, and compassionate curiosity. 

Yesterday, I spent some time with my soul brothers Raphael and James on the Abbey grounds here in Glastonbury/Avalon. I could feel multiple timelines in our connection together. In a circle with Yeshua, around a fire as knights and a king, as priests/monks pontificating on the nature of and duty toward God. All of this supported what was going on inside of me as a background process until it was ready to come into clearer view for myself. 

I am a part of a lineage of male and female Metasouls that have devoted themselves to the process of embodied death and rebirth, of the ways of the mystery schools, and of the sacred feminine/masculine and Divine Mother/Father. This lineage is encoded in my cells as it is all those that are a part of it. From this I have become more clear as to who I am and what I am here to serve. 

I am not a practitioner. I am not just a healer. I am a leader, a teacher, and a student of this initiative order of Divine and Galactic revelation. It is deeply connected to many inter-galactic ‘races’ such as Sirian, Pleidian, Arcturian, Lyran, Orion, and others. It is a path to the embodiment and remembrance of these lineages, timelines, and families. They are seeking a greater reconciliation as well. 

I feel a renewed reverence for what I have been called to serve through this journey with Jelelle, Raphael, and Kasha (and recently, James). They have been the biggest teachers and mirrors to me as well as my Higher Self and the Divine when I was not in contact with them. It has all been an undulating path back to clarity. I am grateful for it as I can serve those undulations and see where they may lead for others. 

So in the end here, I guess this is my Mission Statement. This is what I am here to ‘do’, Be, and embody more and more. It is a call to other men and women who feel a resonance with that clarity and declaration. Who feel guided to heal the wounds within that lead to greater revelation about who and what they are meant to be and serve within that lineage of the Magdalenes and their galactic counterparts. I look forward to the new chapter that serves me, you, and the Divine whenever and however that reveals itself.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Reunification & Reconciliation Of The Inner Masculine/Feminine

This geography is bringing up so much around what I feel is a reunification of the masculine and feminine within. I have been working with the inner feminine for some time now and it is ticking up a notch and a half since I have been here.

But this ‘working’ is not just some generalized notion of ‘The Feminine’, but rather a very specific relationship with a part or aspect of me in a more intimate way. It is ‘my feminine’. I don’t mean that possessively, but rather more personally. They have a name and a frequency just like any person I may have a relationship with.

This has taken some time for my masculine parts to let in, yet has brought with it so many gifts for them. There is something to lean into and to learn from that has been a bit out of their grasp of conditioned consciousness. There is a need and desire for reconciliation and reunification on both sides.

I feel this feminine aspect really desiring this attention and cultivation. She wants to help bridge the gap with my inner masculine aspects that have some things to clear around the repression (and fear!) of her and The Feminine in general. I feel this process actually landing me in more of a union and dance of gendered poles rather than a blending of the two in some unisexual way.

I will do this through journaling, meditation, and bringing as much of them into my waking reality as I can. As this communion deepens, I feel I will be present to my own needs for romance and service as they will each bring their own gifts and passions.

I want to thank Raphael Awen for being a model and bridge to this inner love affair that offers so much for my sacred masculine embodiment that is personal to me and not some archetypal masculine that feels inauthentic to my parts. I look forward to sharing more about this ongoing healing between these very powerful energies.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Bridging The Masculine & Feminine In Avalon

In the Heart of Avalon the energy of the sacred feminine runs deep. As a man it can bring up many different feelings and reactions. For me it has been a toggle between feeling at home and feeling amiss, like I don’t quite fit in.

The dance of the masculine and feminine within comes to the surface to be felt and called into union. I feel these aspects inside of me vying for attention and healing. A priestess energy that has been with me for some time yet is ripe for more relationship in this geography.

Then there is the architecture of the wounded masculine exemplified by the church tower on top of the Tor. It activates a priest and Roman aspect that feel the uneasy feeling of walking these lands remembering the ways in which the dominating culture created a veil to the magic of the time.

The beauty of it all is that I get to bridge those two together into my heart rather than be caught in the space between. I can bring them together in sacred ceremony as I sit here wide awake in the middle of the night. I am on a different clock now and that is the timepiece of the soul

I am here to feel. Here to heal myself as well as the collective masculine so that I may serve those knights of heart that feel the same calling within despite all the din and distraction. The sacred masculine is rising and has a journey toward and with the feminine. It is here and cannot be stopped, only resisted.

I am blessed to be here. I want to share my journey and serve the wisdom and love that arises from it. I have a purpose and the Divine has a plan of which I am only partially privy to. My masculine is acclimating to that while my feminine is revelling.

In the middle is the flow of Life.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Challenge To Feel (VIDEO): Conversations With Men

“Feeling is really hard! It is really challenging!”

These were words I spoke in the third video of the Conversations With Men series with Raphael Awen. In it we talk about the challenges for many of us, especially men, to get down to deep and vulnerable feeling. To actually feel our feelings.

Raphael mentions in the beginning that we are all emotive beings in constant feeling. The question is are we really feeling the feelings and being honest and vulnerable with them? What is feeling as opposed to reactions and/or states of being?

As boys (and girls, too!) we are conditioned to suppress our more sensitive emotions, our true heart reality. This suppression tends to result in anger or depression (numbness), or both! Rage becomes an emotion that is normalized in men rather than hurt.

The inner boy’s feelings are not welcome and sequestered to the shadow where hurt foments into rage. A protection forms that pushes away or shuts down in a myriad of ways. For the more spiritually inclined man, the activation of the upper chakras in cahoots with the lower chakras can create a bypassing of the most human heart chakra.

This may form as an abusive teacher/healer/mate. A narcissism is formed as a protection against feeling the pain of the inner boy’s trauma. There may be a self-destructive path that leads to addictions, self/other-harm, or possible suicide (one of the leading causes of death among younger men).

If we could create an environment where it is safe for men to feel what they are feeling as they are feeling it, with the ability to process those feelings as parts of themselves rather than being fused to them, I believe we would see a new calvary of men that have the wear-with-all to co-create a new world with the feminine in sacred collaboration.

A tall order? Maybe. A deep desire and need? Yes. I feel the challenges, I am challenged, yet with the support of like-hearted men and women in community, I am finding my way. I believe that other men too could find their way when the desire to truly heal the heart becomes the single most important thing they feel they can offer the world.

Please check out our video for more conversation and please share with other men that you feel would be interested in this mission of deep soul and heart transformation. Comments and questions are deeply invited.

Thank you for being on this journey with us. 🙂

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Initiation As A Rite Of Embodied Self-Realization

We are always in phases of initiation whether we consciously choose them or not. The cycles of initiation lead us to Realization. We may spend years in a cycle until we are ready to graduate and move on to integration, only to be met by another cycle of initiation.

The Initiations are varied, specific to your soul needs and wounding. Crucibles arise when we are ready to fully embody the lessons of the initiation itself. We face intimacy initiations, leadership initiations, truth-telling, boundary, and courage initiations. All of them meant to challenge our way to the next level of our growth and maturation as an ego and a soul.

Sometimes we choose our initiations and sometimes they choose us, all orchestrated by the soul. These are meant for the parts, or Metasoul aspects, of us still stuck in a suffering loop or pattern. These loops are centered around something usually very traumatic which makes it that much harder to go into to heal free from.

The emotional body is where you may find the biggest anchors, the largest obstacles to these graduations and self-realizations. We can all achieve temporal states of bliss and Oneness, but the bigger plan is to fully EMBODY Samadhi in the physical. To be walking, conscious Divinity in the Now.

So from here to there, we have work to do. Things to feel, trauma and fear to heal, desires to express, and dreams to manifest. We have initiations to attend to, graduations to celebrate, and integrations to soak in. This is a journey, not a rocket launch. Yet the more you let in what the heart and soul needs and wants, and walk out those initiations with self-care, the faster the healing and shifts can occur.

As has been said many times, it is not the product but the process, and that process is Initiation.


For more about the SoulFullHeart Process and Paradigm, I highly recommend Jelelle Awen’s new book, Free To Be 5D. Visit soulfullheart.org/books for more info.

There will also be a 6-week Zoom call series about the book beginning next Wednesday, July 15. For more info go to soulfullheart.org/freetobe5dgroupcallseries

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Reclaiming The Lost Boy Of Our In-essence

As a sensitive boy growing up, I could feel so much around me yet had no real guidance on how to interpret, digest, and integrate it all. This is really true for most if not all of us. The biggest piece I am revisiting now is the depth of my sexual trauma as a boy moving into manhood.
Confronted with so many images, energies, and conditionings around sex and sexuality, this boy in me found himself between a rock and a hard place (pardon the pun). There was the desire for innocence to be the name of the game. To dance with the essence in both the boy and the girl. Like a journey of discovery and playfulness.

Instead it was about fitting in to the dominant culture of woundedness. Girl became an object of my need to be validated as a man in the world. Her yoni a portal back into the womb of The Mother. But Girl was wounded too. She was looking for her own needs to be filled…so to speak
Now Boy is caught between fulfilling the needs of both the wounded masculine in his power over the feminine and the wounded feminine in her need to feel some hook into the masculine. Both invulnerable and unable to really see each other in their innocence or in-essence.

I reconnected with that boy in me again and replayed those days while feeling the innocence in contrast. The pain of what this boy packed away in order to survive in that world was heart-wrenching. I could feel the toxicity and pain swelling in my cells. All of the trauma that I never categorized as trauma because men don’t do that in what is just ‘those teenage years’.
If, as men, we were to really feel where we lost our innocence, we would really get to a core of who we are as a man. Why we have done, and to some degree still do, the things that we do. If we can ‘come to Jesus’ with this Lost Boy inside of us, we would find the root and beauty of our masculine innocence. Something we packed away a long fucking time ago.

In that innocence we also find the warrior who has fiercely protected him. The warrior who has both shadow to heal and truth to tell. Between them both is the Man who has a vulnerable heart and a willingness to call bullshit when he sniffs it. He is willing put his heart on the line but not his power. He is willing to seek forgiveness but not condemnation.

There has been no greater process for me than the one I am currently in. This Lost Boy in found again in my heart. I am loving him with every once of it that I have access to. It is my current sacred bromance. It is this process that activates and unearths more of my King or Sacred Sovereign Masculine Self. It is this process that leads me to more self-love and ability to see, feel, and relate authentically to the feminine within and without.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Free Consultation Calls With Gabriel Heartman

So many rumblings and reactions happening right now. So much shadow coming to the surface to be met with love instead of fear. This can be a lot to hold with all of the energies swirling and popping.

In SoulFullHeart we feel all the parts of us that are in pain, reaction, and/or confusion. We feel the Metasoul aspects that may be bleeding through at this time and needing your attention and care.

This is very catalytic work that can be attested to by those that are currently in session space with us. It does require a real desire for change, not just temporal relief. Yet, there is a self-loving way to be with the change that is knocking on your door.

I, along with Raphael Awen and Kalayna Solais, offer a free consultation call to feel with you what your presenting pains/fears/frustrations are and see how the process can navigate you to deep, transformational change. Moving out of the old way of being and into a new way of seeing and feeling yourself and the world. An invitation to the community within you and our community on the outside.

There is support during these times and I would love to help feel how I, and we as a group, can support that. I have been in this process for 8 years now and I have gone from very dark days to a deep and profound connection to myself, to others, to the world, and the Divine. I want to share and serve that to others who are in the space I was back then.

“After only a short time of sharing Gabriel was able to help me identify aspects of my gatekeeper and protector that have been currently activated, and now I can build a relationship with them. Gabriel’s feedback clearly comes from deep listening, to his facilitant and to his own deepest self. I felt seen, and seen through, safely with great compassionate understanding. What I’m feeling is so special about this work is how embodied it is.”

For more about my story you can visit: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/about-gabriel

For more information on SoulFullHeart Consult Calls and Sessions visit:
https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

You can email me at gabriel@soulfullheart.org or PM as well.

Sending you much love and grace during these shifting and rumbling times.

The Suffering And Healing Of The Inner Teenager

Tomorrow in our next SoulFullHeart Free To Be group call, we will be diving into the Inner Teenager part of us that has a lot of wounding, BUT a ton of power and creativity. Right now the Inner Teenager may be coming out in a rebellious nature toward some of the ‘rules’ that are being implemented right now. There may also be a compliance as well. I know I had both in me in my teen years and struggled in the conflict between the two.

This conflict showed up as a desperate need to do well in school while being heavily into alcohol and smoking. I had a lot of mom/sister issues that showed up in my relationship to young women my age. It felt like an all-round hell zone for him in many ways. Trying like hell to fit in but not knowing which ‘in’ was really his.

As I feel him (his name is Chris, my birth name) from this vantage point, I can feel a soul that was winding down the 3D experience and struggling to reconcile that. Until of course he met Jill (aka Jelelle Awen) in college and the journey of self-discovery and authenticity began. It was a lot for him to let go of all that he thought he identified with (family, friends, relationships, conditioned ideas, etc).

He is very much into art and creativity and this too was a conflict as well with deep perfectionism that caused a lot of suffering. A battle between the masculine and feminine waged within. I feel him much more rested in with my inner teenage feminine and they seem to be in much more balance and harmony together.

In him there is a rebellion that just wants to go his own way without a fight. He doesn’t need to get angry anymore or judge others as this was always a judgement of himself. I feel a relief in him for no longer being in those days while still honoring all the process. There were lots of good times among the suffering. Those are what are now left in the memory banks when we look back.

Still much to heal around romance, intimacy, and sexuality but those are on their way with each passing day. Working with Chris in the early stages of my process was one of the most touching and healing parts of my journey. You don’t realize how much you are our teenager until you start to work with them.

If you are interested in connecting with and knowing more about your Inner Teenager, please join us for the next group call tomorrow at 10am PST. You can find out more info here:
soulfullheart.org/freetobe2 or purchase the link and soulfullheart.org/shop

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc. 

New Moon In Gemini: Releasing The Trauma Bond

What a new moon portal today! The last few days have been intense to say the least. I have become aware, through my deep dive sessions with Raphael, of a particular trauma bond that has existed inside of me between me and my sister even as I have not been in contact with her for over seven years.

My sister and I were born very close apart. When many people met us they thought we were twins at first glance. What I am realizing is that this twin recognition came from an energetic bond between us that I am learning has visitation and abduction trauma built in, as well as many lifetimes in one form of relation or another.

I have come to the realization that this bonded trauma created a pairing between us. A contract that we would forever be in each other’s life so that we would not feel the depths of the trauma. Well, I broke the physical contract years ago, but the etheric contract remained.

I was offered to connect to my sister’s higher self and let her know that I was no longer going to hold my end of the bond anymore as it is time for me to go into the galactic and soul wounding that had kept us in a bind. I have recognized how much of this has effected my relationships with women, as it served as a protection and a projection of wound and care-taking.

I have been so focused on healing the Mom wound that I finally found the more subtle sister layer that was out of my awareness due to the depth of the trauma that it was founded on. I am reaching the edges of my galactic wounding that has alluded me for most of this life until this came into view.

What came to me is that this may be true for many of us at this time. Not so specifically from brother to sister, but any bond between two people that has deep roots in trauma. This can be especially true for twin flames. The New Moon energies in Gemini feel to be highlighting this twin dynamic for those that are meant to see it right now.

The trauma bond is something that is hard to let go of as it has such a long history. I had deep tears that I couldn’t place many times today but I could get a sense that this trauma bond was leaving my field and it is almost like losing an essential part of your being that you didn’t really know was there!

The release and detox of this bond feels like a shedding of a skin. It can be a hard process, but when held in sacred space it feels like the most important part of our ascension. I can feel during this time how there is a collective trauma bond exhibited by the fear of this virus. As we clear our own inner trauma bonds, the less energy is added to the collective and thus helps to move the needle one more step toward Love.

I also feel how this will help me to let in sacred romance on a much deeper level that I have not previously been able to transact due to this energy in my being. Quite a remarkable ride the last couple of days. I hope that this provides some insight into your own relationships to see where there may be these contracts that may need a deeper release in order to bring in the Love that we ALL are here to experience.

Much love on this New Moon evening.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Dear Brother…

Dear Brother
What is it that keeps us apart?
Keeps us torn?
Feeling torn apart?

Dear Brother
What is it that keeps you from your truth?
From your heart?
From your capacity to feel alive?

Dear Brother
What chains bind thee to the concrete walls
That separate your dreams from reality?
What stands between us that keeps us
From seeing one another
As brethren rather than enemies?

Dear Brother
Let us lay down the shields
Take off the armour
Sit naked in the meadow of our vulnerability
And shed the tears of our forgotten unity

Let us hold the candles high
The flame of our Father’s love for life
For The Mother
For our Lover

Let us claim the Feminine within
For She is the portal to our true Masculine
The Spade to Her Chalice
The container to Her ocean

Dear Brother
My heart calls to you
To your quest of truth of heart
And truth of mind
To your desire to leave the system behind
And create a new kingdom
Born of and from Love

Dear Brother
I miss you

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.