Entering The Portal Of Our Growth & Embodiment

I’m getting a personal and private download about you as a masculine being in your life as you know it right now. (It also happens to apply to all men, but I invite you to see if fits for you personally…)

There is before you, percolating, bouncing, calling for your attention – in the circum-stances of your life, standing in circumference around you – a portal. In the drama playing out in your life right now, there is what amounts to either a big block or a big portal, depending on how you relate to it.

Like a henge of standing stones, you may know and sense something profound was intended in these constructs of these circumstances, yet, it’s unknown and mysterious at the same time as to why they are here and where they might take you, depending on how you respond to them.

This portal is an offer to go to your next places of soul growth, human embodiment, and healing of wounds. This portal also wants to yield to you the soul gifts that were intended for you. Gifts that you’ll never know unless you consciously receive them.

These circumstances can either close in on you to shut you down, or they can be embraced, negotiated with, owned, and entered into, to allow yourself to be taken into your next soul growth and human embodiment, bringing both endings and beginnings.

The circumstances are so tailor made for you, and are so ready to shape-shift as you relate with them, rather than avoid them.

A difficult and humbling piece in all of this is that we never get free of these growth portals, in the sense that a current part of you may feel bothered by the challenge before you. The courage and humility you respond with now won’t actually be any different than the courage and humility that will be called upon years from now. It becomes easier and more natural for sure, but not something we get beyond in this life.

So a question arises, that deserves your heart attention; do you still want to continue on an awakening journey if the challenges cease? What if the challenges actually increase instead? I know, that’s not very good marketing, to kill the false hopes, but I feel how you’ve been fed and are now fed-up with false hopes and the emotional charades of a false-light spirituality.

Something more is wanting arise in your heart, soul and body. Something more is wanting to radiate out from you. Something more is wanting to be shared and partaken of together in community of soul family and awakening brotherhood.

Regardless of the shit flying overhead, you have a choice and choices to make.

How you respond to that choice is what allows you to sanely navigate the storm without regrets in the end, and even to endure deep loss with self love and love for all others involved. You can even make a wrong choice and it will be transmuted into the right choice in the end if it’s made from this kind of heart opening and humility.

There is a real hopeful outcome to embrace, but it’s not exactly relief in the way parts of us have related to just wanting relief. Real relief brings new growth and new challenges. In some ways, the storm picks up. That can’t be denied.

Maybe the deeper relief a part of you is hoping for in the relief of circumstances is the soul relief in finally stepping into, and no longer avoiding your larger soul choices? That would be a profound relief, but on a whole other level.

You can show up to feel each part of you and their reactions to the polarity in the circumstances at hand. That’s why it’s a pretzel, because parts of us are attached to opposite outcomes or desires. And before we use that word ‘attachment’ in a negative way, let’s feel how boring and empty of a human being you’d be without any ‘attachments’, and how useless to others around you, except possibly is dressing up that old false god of being ‘so spiritual’.

Forget about friendship or romance. Forget about being alive, really. Without any attachments, I can’t locate you, or actually have a relationship with you. You’re not actually here.

Don’t ‘zero-point’ out your humanity in your embrace of your divinity. They both want to fire at the 100% mark. That’s 200%! Arithmetically, that’s 200 parts per 100…, huh, that’s makes no sense! Exactly. It’s better experienced than explained. There is no separation actually between your humanity and your divinity unless you create one for yourself. (Which we all did, and do, so no judgment there) 💚

Love to you as you sit in the center of your standing stone henge of circum-stances and embrace and transmute what lies before you – whole universes of magic await you.

Back story to this photo:

This photo was from this early morning here at the Golden Beach, Albufeira where Jelelle and I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to take in the sun codes here, spending a few days, on the 2 year anniversary of our departure from Canada!

How we frame what we are surrounded by composes what we see and that then in turn effects our next choices.

Beauty can so be overwhelming to us, leaving us disempowered, separated from the beauty, reminded of what we don’t have, can’t have and won’t have…, unless we change the frame around how we are seeing and feeling the beauty around us.

What if the beauty is a mirror? For men, I’d ask you, what frames of beauty do you struggle to take in?

Does it show up in pornography? Is it in over energizing achievements that once nourished you, but no longer do? Is it in the pretense of spiritual achievements or status that leave you separated from actually partaking of meaningful personal enduring relationships? Is it in amassing money, but feeling more and more personally bankrupt as you do so? What if all these things of beauty are holding not just a message for you, but also a means to change your life?

What if the darkening skies above you of addiction, in whatever form you are facing it, are actually this sacred portal, awaiting your awakening choice to enter into to see what wants to come next for you?

*****

Raphael Awen is a Sacred Masculine Love Ambassador and Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org

A Man’s Heart Is His Greatest Gift

A man’s heart is his greatest gift
And his greatest fear
He can stand in the fires of hell
With his courage and conviction
Or seek cover and asylum in his shadow

A man’s heart can be a paradox and a parable
Of the journey back to himself through the womb
There is a Warrior and a Lover
A King and an Ambassador
A Scientist and Poet

It is a journey that is lined with mirrors
He may choose not to look at
If he wants to maintain
All that he has constructed,
Assumed and been convinced of.

But if he chooses to look
To feel all that he has been afraid to see
He actually stares into his own death
His loss of control
That can only be replaced by surrender

Surrender to the burning of feeling
Of bringing himself back to life
Through this death
The death of loneliness
Of suffering
Of protecting
Of hiding

This man now stands naked
An emperor without clothes
To be seen as he is
In his humble vulnerability

This is where he rises anew
In Heart
As Soul
Surrounded…
By Love
By Divinity
By Intimacy

~Poem from a book I am writing titled The Quest about my personal masculine healing journey

Art by Katia Honour

https://www.redbubble.com/…/Sacred-Heart…/8410634.1G4ZT

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Re-homing, Re-wilding, Re-integrating

This past week I have been living in an area of land just outside a village near my soul family of feminines. They live in an apartment together I have been calling the Magdalene House. So, not quite wild camping by definition, but not campground, on-grid camping either. A bit in between. A balance between the domestic and the wild.

Since my recent completion with Kasha, I have felt a need to ‘re-home’ myself more than rewild myself. I do feel a draw to get more wild by going deeper into nature but for now, practically speaking, I need a balance for many reasons. So this itches a scratch and a need.

I have felt a split inside myself between polar parts and aspects such as the domestic/wild, the practical/spiritual, the masculine/feminine, and the calm/passionte. It is interesting when I look at those in this moment and I organize them by what came first and then second I get this polarity:

The domestic, practical, calm masculine vs. the wild, spiritual, passionate feminine.

Now there are other ways to organize this list but this one in particular symbolizes something for me personally. It represents an archetypal pattern inside of myself that has played out externally but is occurring inside of me from self to self.

I feel this re-homing period is about creating a space between these parts, aspects and energies to find a safe haven to come and be felt, seen, heard, and hopefully back into union. Being a part of a sacred union off and on, I have tended to focus on the bond rather than my own unification. I have had a history of care-taking that I am in still in a process around to shift into care-giving.

True care-giving is holding a line of goodness and honesty within oneself to bring an overflow of care, compassion, and challenge if needed. If this is not being felt and intergrated internally, it just doesn’t happen on the outside. It turns into obligation, compliance, and the dreaded care-taking that really does no one any good. It may solve a short-term uncomfortability, but does not address core need and growth.

So this care-giving goes internal now. It goes into feeling and bridging these aspects inside of myself through journaling, inner dialogue, and meditation. It is feeling myself and parts in their needs, truth, and desires in each moment. Any dissonce in my field felt as a portal to this reunification inside.

It is like a zipper. I am sitting staring at one in my tent. These parts and aspects need me to zip myself up into a cohesion. A unified field of masculine/feminine, practical/spiritual, domestic/wild, and calm/passionate. I, as Gabriel, am the piece of metal that bring them together and bond them in union to form a more solid pillar of Self, both divine and human. More real and raw. More me, less other.

This has been an ongoing journey for me that has just taken the time it has and the path it has. Any self-judgements just set me back again. Yet, if they come, I will it with them, honor them, and heal them with Love. I desire that my own journey around this re-homing be an inspiration or a guide for anyone else experiencing the same, especially for men. I know there is lot for us to heal and show up for in this ongoing ascension process that just keeps getting more activated by the arising Divine Feminine.

I am having some more ideas about the different types of masculine energies that live within myself and the collective that I will be sharing soon that may be a marker for other men who may feel the same. It is becoming a deep passion of mine to serve other men on this quest for Self, Love, and Purpose while re-homing themsleves.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Sirian Gateway, The Feminine Rising, & The End Of A Great Cycle

Cycles are ending and beginning. Small ones and big ones. Many of which are happening at this grand juncture of time. A coalescence of all that began a decade ago for many, including myself. I had chosen to feel and heal all that had been haunting me in my emotional and spiritual bodies. Haunting in a suffering sense as well as a calling and longing for something ‘brand new’ from my 3D perspective at the time.

Yet, it was never really new, I was just longing for Me. Longing for my needs, my truth, my gifts, my creativity, my power, and my service for and with the Divine. I know that is a lot of ‘my’s but it needed to be. Parts of me needed the permission to want something more for themselves than what they had created even as good as it was from a particular vantage point.

I am still unfolding this Me into the world. This unfettered power of realness, desire, and purpose. Just like the proverbial Russian doll. Or the ever-peeling onion. One cycle, one gateway, one portal at a time. This particular junction has been a doozy for me personally, and I know for many of you as well. So much is getting shaken and stirred that it has been hard at times to know which way is up or where the North Star is. Of course it is always within, but when we get knocked sideways we may get our bearings off-kilter.

It has been about riding the waves in whatever fashion they come without judgement or expectation. The Divine Feminine is rising, is becoming more embodied, and that is creating ripples and waves in the Masculine. My masculine has been on the edge at times and it has been a little crazy-making to be honest. A vibration that is poulticing out so much in the shadow and all that has been suppressed.

If there is any ounce of control or fear, this energy WILL find it and seek its reconciliation back to a state of Grace and Love. It is not forcing, it is just a reality of what IS. We cannot hide from ourselves and our rightful gifts and service any more. We are being asked to embody our deepest selves with compassion and passion both. There is only one world that we wish to be in and that is in the world of realness and love. Real Love. That feels like what is at the root of this Lion’s Gate passage.

I will be exploring and writing more about my own masculine experience of this ongoing Divine Feminine rising and how we as men may be responding to it either consciously or unconsciously. That feels like my greatest service to myself and to others who resonate. We are getting shaken and stirred and we are all relating to it differently. I hope that it will be a service to women as well who find themselves in connection to men who may be struggling. May it provide a perspective and an understanding from my own personal heart and soul lens.

Sending you so much love as we navigate and support each other through this very turbulent yet alive time in our history.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Being Spiritually Practical

Am I being spiritually practical or practically spiritual?

That is the question I have been asking myself lately as I am navigating another life change at the moment. The Sirian Gateway is stirring the pot again and that has left some practical things to consider while at the same time letting them unfold.

When I have been met by big life changes, parts of me can get swirled up in a lather. I drew the picture below many years ago when another life change happened. It was quite the cacophony of energy that got kicked up. When there is no differentiation of particular parts it is all felt as a giant storm at times. Yet, there are individual aspects that are floating around in there getting battered and bruised.

I have felt my more ‘practical’ parts or aspects come to take over the situation like a tactical team of experts that come repelling from the skies to manage it all. I am grateful for that team. I need them. Yet, I realize how much in my past I have fused to that energy at the cost of my emotional and spiritual bodies. One big brain walking around until it exploded or passed out.

When I was in my 20s I had hallucinogenic drugs for the first time and they tore down the more mental and practical veil I had clung to like a safety net or security blanket. I realized I had a ton of fear and anxiety that I was managing with the mental and the practical. I was also preventing Love from entering my inner house at the same time to help heal that well of fear and anxiety.

Fast forward 30 years and I don’t feel the same depths of that fear and anxiety as much, but it is still there waiting for me to continue to meet it and Love it. I still feel my tactical practical team coming in, but I am wanting to take a breather to feel what has seemed to get set aside in those moments. Is there something deeper to feel here? Can I take a moment to take stock of this big change happening before me? What is mystical and emotional amongst it all?

This has just been one of my personal tendencies this life. I don’t want to judge it or make it wrong. I just want to recognize it, sense its gifts, as well as its burdens. For carrying the practical can be a burden to parts of us. As a man, this may come at the cost of my inner child and inner feminine. Two aspects that are intrinsically connected to my Heart and Spirit.

I am still walking and waking out of the matrix. It has been ingrained and conditioned in me for a lifetime and beyond. It is true for many of us, especially the masculine. It takes the time it takes to keep untangling and unfurling our wings. The courage we can receive from our Sirian guides and aspects can be a big part of this ongoing process that continues well beyond any Gateway. It is internal and eternal.

I am looking forward to connecting to these energies more this Monday when Raphael and Jelelle Awen host their Lion’s Gate Activation group call. Even if you can’t make it I highly recommend getting that recording for the recoding. More info on our events page here: www.soulfullheart.org/events.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Let’s Try Being A Hu-Man First

When will we men stop trying to be ‘men’ and just start being more human? This does not mean to me to be more feminine (although a deep connection to the feminine is needed), but to just be a human being with aches and pains, passions and visions. Yes, we have different ways of being in the world that are in contrast to women. We have different expectations placed upon us by society in general. We have different modes of operation. We do have different experiences, clearly.

Yet, at the core we all have something that we crave and need, but somehow men have been convinced or conditioned we don’t or shouldn’t need them. Deep down I believe all men, as human beings, want and need to be seen. We want to be felt and heard if we are brave and vulnerable enough to get to the core of what we really feel.

Most of my life was spent in a tumble-dry around what it means to be a man. Then it was about being divinely or sacredly masculine. All of which led to comparison, judgment, and feelings of inadequacy. NONE of that felt good. It’s crap! Sacred crap, but still crap. I feel for men who, like me, just want to embody our own authentic sense of self in the world. We may want ‘more’ of what we categorize as masculine, but in reality we are just wanting what feels like our truest nature shorn of all the comparative bullshit.

So, we are really not lacking anything we don’t already possess in our Essence. We are all the masculine we can possibly be. We have just been wounded. Been through trauma. Been told how to be in the world. We have hidden the gold in the shit pile of cultural conditioning and shaming. It has been hammered into us to not be vulnerable. To not feel our feelings. To not express anything other than a warrior’s call to arms, or exude the goo of a spiritualized porn star.

Who is it that lies under all of that stuff? Who IS our human man? What pain does he still hold? What grief has gone untouched? What truth and passion has been cordoned off and set to the side in the name of trying to be something we’re not? Trying to just ‘get by’ and survive?

I continue to unearth that man every single day. Not usually in epic movements or illuminations, but in day-to-day feeling and expressing as well as reflections from my beloved mate, Kasha, and soul community. This is where my sacred huMANity comes to play, learn, and witness itself. I have been going back to some very painful times of my life that are serving as a springboard and a catalyst for a different me in the world rather than the ‘me’ that I feel I had been trying to be with mixed results.

These times are rooted in the teenage years and I feel they offer many of us a gateway to not just our inner health, but also our deeper relationship to magic, real spirituality, and the sacredness of our expression in the world. I will go into that deeper in future writings and videos.

For now, I just felt like connecting my man’s heart to yours, whoever you are, wherever you are. I sense there is an army of men out there who feel the same and who just want to feel and be the man that is uniquely them in all the flavors from the Shadow to the Light. I would love to connect with and serve any man who feels the call to fall into his own grace and heart-centered power.

I love you, Man.

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

What Do You Long For?

What do you long for?

What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?

What is it that you truly want to feel coursing through your veins when you wake up in the morning?

Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?

These are the penetrative questions that rumble the status quo of our current emotional and spiritual consciousness. I am being asked those questions of myself as I feel and heal old patterns within me that have taken me to the next leg of my inner quest and leadership.

When you feel like you begin to cycle on something, you have hit a ceiling. Actually, it is more like a membrane. It is not solid in reality. It only appears that way to a part of you that holds resistance to what lies on the other side. This ‘ceiling’ is actually the floor to the next level, the next chapter, of your ever-evolving growth and remembrance.

What you come to at that moment is a precipice. In front of you is a void that has no apparent stone to step on because a part of you afraid of what happens if there is nothing there to catch you. This has been a repeated part of my journey that is seeking an end. One where vulnerability, risk, and the fear of what occurs on the other side get to create the very steps that have appeared lacking yet there all along.

This suffering ceiling is what brought me to SoulFullHeart. It is what inspired me to say no more to what clearly was not working in my life at that time. It is what is inviting me to go to my next places, next steps that send me to higher heights, along with the fears of falling. There is a moment when you have to decide when the cycles end and the real loving begins. I ask again:

What do you long for?

What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?

What is it that you truly want to feel coursing in your veins when you wake up in the morning?

Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?

The answers to those questions only come from going into your heart with curiosity, a mirror, and a guide. Wherever you find it, chose it and claim it one choice at a time. Your soul is ready as your heart may waver. That wavering is a universe of parts that have a lot to say and be held in. Feel them and you create a whole new world from the inside out. I offer my heart in service to that exploration of all that you are meant to be.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Arising Of The May King

The Horned God comes into union with The May Queen. He sets his sights, opens his heart, and commits to the bond through his own need for growth and creation. A powerful and sacred coming together that begins on the inside and extends on the outside.

I did not have much connection to this day in my past, but it as become an increasing profound and beautiful day of honoring the masculine and feminine sacred union as well as our relationship to Mother Gaia and Her gifts of Spring and Summer. It has triggered feelings of inadequacy in my past with Kasha as she has had such a deep experience and relationship to it. Yet, as with all triggers, they are gateways to our deepest fears and rewards.

I can meet the wounded masculine within and hold space for his healing and arising into his own May King. The masculine that can show up to all of the ebbs and flows of the stillness and fire of the Divine Feminine May Queen. The King that can be in his own truth as well as meet his own shadow and vulnerable parts that are still in hiding and integration. This is no small task. It is a life-long journey that is both challenging and rewarding.

I have been fortunate to have been in intimate relationship as well as community to help reflect and mirror both my arising King and wounded man. They are always in orbit of each other and offer both solace and gifts. On this day, honor them both, as well as the feminine within me that has guided me to let in the union I share with my beloved, Kasha. This had to start from the inside from me to me first. I had to feel ready and worthy enough to go into the depths of vulnerable intimacy, as challenging and scary it can be.

I felt to share a poem I wrote years ago as a call to my Queen before I knew that it was Kasha all along. Many Beltane blessings to all both in and out of union:

Come with me, my love
Down the spiral staircase of my heart
Into the garden of my humanity

Bear witness to it succulence
It’s uniqueness
It’s burned and broken places

Come with me, my queen
Along the paths of weathered words
And the trails of new beginnings
Water the wilted with your loving care
Ignite the growth with your fiery passion

Will you follow me into the unknown?
Into the cauldron of our being?
Will you dance with me among the golden lilies
As well as the prickly cactus and forest ablaze?
Will you join with me in the exploration of our sacred sexuality?

The slow caress of my hands
Upon your beautifully sculpted, divinely feminine curves
The electric sparks that leap off our tongues
Setting fire to our chakras one by one
When we reach the gateway of our heavenly union

Will you come with me?
May I come into you?
Into your atmosphere where you shine and fly?
Into your hidden and protected caverns?
The places where few have been allowed to tread
Into your luscious and sacred garden?

I will not pluck your flowers
Or step on your sprawling vines
I will sit patiently for you to join me.
To share with me you tales
Your stories of adventure
….of agony
….of strength
….and weakness

I will etch them into my heart
Weave them into the tapestry of us
Though they belong to you and you alone
They share a sacred place in between you and me

Come with me, by beloved
As far as we both were meant to go
To unravel the mystery of who we were meant to be.

May this May Day open you out to the gifts of this season and these celestial constellations,

*****

If this touches something in you I invite you to consider joining our online community for a more intimate connection between hearts and souls. You can check it out at: soulfullheartportal.mn.co

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Emotional And Relational Maturation Over Mastery

All intimate relationships are sacred. They are meant to offer us something about ourselves that we would not see or feel otherwise. For me it has been the ongoing challenge of being real, transparent, and staying in the room when a part of me may want to defend, hide, or in the past, just give up. Intimacy is not an easy spiritual path, yet it is the most illuminating, growthful, and rewarding in my experience.

As a man, I find this generally true for many other men as well. The last frontier of our spiritual maturation is our emotional maturation. Notice I did not say, mastery. I feel any attempt to ‘master’ our emotions comes from a part of us that is looking to control or avoid something real and messy. I can admit this has been true for me. But messy does not mean chaotic, like a part of me may feel at times when things get real and on the edge or precipice of the unknown. It just means we are sorting out a ton of wounding that has been held in so many hidden pockets of our heart and soul.

As a teenager, I grew up with two different models for a man’s relationship to his emotional body. It was either dismissive stoicism or defensive rage. Nothing fully vulnerable in between. So I learned both of those as strategies and yet I could also feel how I needed and wanted to be something different. Yet, to be this ‘different’ I would need to have the ‘same’ confronted and challenged. Enter relationships to very dynamic and emotionally aware women.

If I really wanted to shift this masculine lineage of emotional immaturity, I drew the very thing that would put the defensive, angery, hurt, and shadowy parts of me into the Light of emotional reality. That is not an easy path! There is this-life wounding and conditioning, other-life karmic binds, and collective and archetypal patternings that can be like trying to turn the Titanic. In any given rumble there can be multiple layers that are at play at one time and this does make it challenging.

From my trailing, wounded, and defensive part it can be a lot to hold. From my leading edge and higher self it is just an opportunity to become more fluent with what is really happening without analyzing or without getting so spun out that the ground collapses between us. This is the challenge in any intimate and sacred union.

It has been a stand-by to try to manage and preserve or just plain let go. What happens in the space between? What is possible that has felt impossible? What can we learn about ourselves as a man and woman as well as each other in a union?

This has felt like an unknown in my soul history. Maybe we just forgot our ancient past, and are picking up the pieces on our way back to Wholeness and Oneness through our Two-ness. Hiding the pain and fear of feeling separate and alone. The covering up of feeling rejected, abandoned, or harmful. This we cannot avoid when we are choosing to embody our Divinity. Oneness is not just a bliss state of transcendence, it is the grinding, twisty, gristy road back to transparent intimacy. Not a mastery of it, but a real felt experience of it in its truest form we call Love.

It is through this healing process and paradigm called SoulFullHeart, that my beloved Kasha and I can surf these waves and explore these territories with trust and realness. We have inner guidance as well as outer support through community, and that is a blessing. It is why I am being transparent about my journey so that others can get a sense of what the process is like and where we are able to go within ourselves and with each other. May it be a beacon and a service to you wherever you are on your journey of self-love, self-discovery, and relational healing and maturation.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Emotional Body Healing For Men

I felt to digest the ongoing Deepen video series that is hosted by my mentors and beloved soul friends, Raphael and Jelelle Awen, from my own personal experience. The second video of this series is on the Emotional Body, which can be found here:
https://youtu.be/zYepOaMYNwQ

Before I started working with Jelelle and Raphael 10 years ago I would definitely say that my emotional body was in a pretzel. I tried many practices to get me to breathe, meditate, and move energy. Regardless of what I did I found that the reoccurring depression, frustration, and anxiety were not really being addressed in a fundamental way.

As a child I was very emotional both in sensitive and aggressive ways. I would cry a lot as a young boy and then I moved into anger and temper. As I got older I would use alcohol as a means to manage this emotional turmoil. I never felt very safe to address this with my parents as they too had there own emotional turmoil going on.

I eventually went to therapy briefly to get to some root of it but I was mostly given coping mechanisms and strategies. As I started my journey with sessions, I found many places inside of me where emotional energy was being stored by parts of me at different times of my life. By holding this energy as a part of me rather than an unknown influence over me, I began to have a bigger sense of where these emotions were coming from and what was triggering them.

I had always had a hard time being vulnerable. There was a deep lack of trust and safety to bring out more of the hurt as well as the rage. There was a lot competing for attention inside of me and it became overwhelming. The emotions would surge and I needed a way to deal with them. As a boy growing up I did not really have the modelling of healthy expression and acceptance for what I was really feeling.

This kept me in a fairly immature state as a man even as I had so much responsibility as a teacher and a father. I found ways to stuff things away so that I could be the Good Guy, Teacher, Father, Son, and Friend. Eventually, the dam had to break and I found myself in some deep depression and needed a way to digest all of this emotional backlog.

Since I began my inner journey, I have been able to address many of those emotional issues inside of me. I was able to connect and relate to parts of me that held so many emotional frequencies. I was able to feel their pain as well as their needs. I began to be more honest as well as create more boundaries to protect and cultivate more love for myself and these inner parts of me. This led me to many courageous choices that was previously unlike me.

I continue on that journey of increasing vulnerability, authenticity, transparency, and intimacy. I feel my river of emotion is more stable, more open to real-time fluctuations that are rooted in the moment rather than suppressed, and held in self-worth and care for others. It is an ongoing process that is now more untangling soul themes more than this-life circumstances.

If any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend you check out the video link above and take in the teaching and meditation. It may provide a going on place for you in your desire to heal the emotional vibrations and issues that may live inside of you. This is especially a difficult one for men and even the masculine in women. I hope it serves you in any way it is meant to.

Here is to the beginning of a New Year of inner health that starts in the Heart.

*****

Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc