The Quest For Remembrance



By Raphael Awen

We’ve all heard about the internalized messages we received in various ways about ‘the self being bad.’

Much worse, we came to know and feel this as an emotional living hell reality that almost completely governed our relationship with our entire lives.

But what even is the self? Is there a nutshell definition that could somehow fit and not diminish the vastness of what we’ve come to call the ‘self’?

And what is it about this self that got messaged about being so ‘bad’? What was it specifically about the self that even the word self-ish was a bad word from its inception?

(In case you haven’t noticed, I like asking QUESTions, more than I like answers. Answers often block our QUESTions. The answers we receive can never exceed the quality of the QUESTions we are willing to ask. I felt the above QUESTions rumble through me this morning, and now, I await for a response, not so much for ‘thee’ answer, but for an answer that can move and carry us to our next places of living into our truth.)

I tune into beloved guide Metatron, as an extension of my higher self, that is ‘other’ and ‘me’ at the same time. I await his response…

(And it’s a funny feeling, because a part of me says ‘I have no clue what he’s going to say, but I guess if he doesn’t have anything alive or deep to share, we can always not post this,’ as another part of me wants to apologize to Metatron for the lingering doubt…)

Metatron says:

“As infinite love essence, you did not fear entering a deficit of this awareness. You knew that entering a lack of awareness could not take away from your essence as infinite love. You also knew that the only way to get outside of the infinite love that you are would be through a for-getting, a ‘giving up of having’ in your awareness of any feelings of your essence as being this infinite love. You even needed the very real feelings of demonizing the self to provide the feeling of escaping the prison of your essence. You very much created a sub-reality within a greater reality, as you knew that losing awareness could not affect your actual possession.

“This is likened to a man who only knows living in great wealth his whole life and comes to wondering how the rest of the world lives and feels. He knows he has lost his appreciation for what he has and in that has lost his reverence for life itself. Smothered in goodness, he must explore badness to find himself.

“Your higher self though has remained in fluent connection with the essence that you are, as you detoured into ‘what you are not’ and is now wanting to return to deep awareness of who and what you really are. You knew you needed the contrasting experience of forgetting and re-MEMBERing, and in the experience of re-entering your essence a second time, in order to let in reverence.

“This is who and what you are. Deep reverberating reverence.

“This, what you once feared and diminished, NOW, invites you into and onto this next stage of your quest.

“You forgot in order to remember. Your forgetting is complete.

“This is the time of your remembrance, of being re-membered into the fullest membership of being the infinite love you are and always were, and are ever becoming”

Okay, wow, Thank you Metatron. Lots to digest…


Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. You can make a one time donation to SoulFullHeart at or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter:

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