By Jelelle Awen
We wanted to offer an update for those of you who may be curious and also have been feeling the shifts in our community too. About 6 weeks ago, we decided that it would be best and good for Kalayna Solais, who has been a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and intimate part of our community off and on for seven years, to take some space from contact with us. That eventually led to her living in Gabriel’s studio apartment while he moved into the downstairs suite in our house. During this time, we had been in a very little contact space with her, other than coordinating life details.
The purpose of this space was to allow Kalayna to fully land in herself and her own parts and process as there had been a pattern of behaviors coming increasingly to light that were becoming more challenging for her and for us to continue to be with. Also, we have felt SoulFullHeart go into a higher timeline, especially leading up to and after the 11/11 portal and this is ‘shaking out’ the previous configurations and bonds, inviting me and all of us to go into our next places of growth and embodiment in intimacy and in service.
Yesterday, we all met as a group again to see where she was and where we are and to digest what the space had offered to all of us. I don’t feel to go into detail about what was shared as that feels private to Kalayna’s process and want to respect her confidentiality in that way. We haven’t been sharing much publically about this ongoing process for us with her as we wanting to have the time and space to sort through the various reactions, the years of history and experience and digest on a Metasoul/karmic bond level as well, and to land in more clarity about it as well.
It did become clear yesterday that while there is a sweet affection and appreciation amongst all of us, that Kalayna is best served right now to continue to take more space for herself and her own process away from community involvement and connection. This may end up being a completion for all of us with her. Even as this was sad for us all, there was also a sense of graduation of the previous forms and configurations between the five of us that has been quite an amazing and growthful journey!
I feel in my heart so much gratitude for Kalayna and what she has held, being for so long the ‘only’ woman in the room receiving what I had to offer. She has been so brave to go through all these beginning stages and phases with us, including living in a campground in RVs and four intense years in Mexico with very little money and means, and then to be with us in our phase for the last three years of expanding growth, interest and draw in SoulFullHeart.
I believe with all my heart and soul that the Divine leads us where we need to go and I follow the guidance to let go when it is offered, even if it personally sad and hard for me (as this has been at times for me.) My process related to Kalayna’s leaving has been primarily around letting go of her being a woman in support to me, no longer needing her for that (which is healthier for us both feels like) and trusting that I am in a place now of a growing draw and collaboration with women. I prefer now to let her go to find her best and highest timeline (as I don’t feel I can KNOW what that is for anyone else) and to treat with respect her sovereignty, and the possibility that parts of her and her soul may really need to choose something else and a new path in life.
There are words below from Kalayna that she wanted to share.
Thank you for being with us in witness to this significant shift in our community,
SoulFullHeart has been my ‘lifeline’ in more ways than one. Every single phase I’ve had within it, including the gift of being married in Sacred Union to Gabriel, my best friend for many years, and having ample templating for how to hold and treasure intimate relationships with myself and others while serving love with pure intentions, have all landed deeply in me and none of those memories and learnings will ever go anywhere, they’ll just deepen and land more… I have very sacredly ‘high standards’ now to lean into as to what deep and meaningful connections should look and feel like, especially within, and those inward connections are the number one priority for me in a whole new and much deeper way.
This has been a very, very challenging phase of separation for me as you can imagine yet the digestion yesterday was deep and appreciated, with much bittersweetness as we all move on feeling what’s been illuminated and what we need now, and still feel love and appreciation for each other. The old ground of relationship really can’t move with any of us into the new and every new sense of why that is, has been both hard to feel and hold and yet relieving too.
I’m continuing to hold my process through the SoulFullHeart lens and even if that lens no longer fits someday for whatever reason (hard to imagine at the moment), I’ll always, always remember the many deep benefits I’ve gotten out of being not only in this process, but offering it to others, and being in close connection to this community with Jelelle, Raphael Awen, Raianna Shai, and Gabriel Heartman for as long as I have. I feel like I wouldn’t be moving through this new phase and process with as much grace and sanity if it weren’t for the ground I had with them and within this process and all the gifts it gave me of profound Divine connection and connection to myself too.
It was a blessing to be ‘in the room’ with as many of you as I had the opportunity to… I’m sending much love to you all, and like Jelelle said, if you have any questions or want to connect with me, please feel free to PM me on facebook.