Tag: connecting with god

 

W: Hello Divine Father.

DF: Hello Wayne.

W: I didn’t have any sense come to me yet for where I wanted to go with you today, but I just wanted to connect and see what comes.

DF: Works for me, Wayne…

W: It’s great when a need is up and a desire is moving through me as a place to connect, but I’d like to feel I can connect with you any old time, like I don’t need to be primed or anything. In that, I hope others reading will feel how they can act on their own connection with you, right from where they’re at.

DF: Yes, there’s no secret formula, or special enlightenment attainment for someone to brag about. If there is anything that resembles a qualification around connecting with me, it’s no different than what makes for connecting with anyone else. Any relationship connection happens by desire and need, willingness to ask for what you want, or to share what you appreciate. That’s pretty much it.

Oh, maybe I’d add to that, ‘get real’ of course. How did people ever get convinced that masking their true feelings would make for a connection? That is the garden variety stuff of disconnection that we see so prevalent in relationships today.

W: I think the ‘get real’ qualification might come first, Father.

DF: Yeah, you’re right Wayne, because if you can’t feel a need or desire, or an appreciation to get started with, and instead, you are feeling flat, or hostile, all you can start with is the truth. Starting with the truth, something like “I’m not sure I like you and this is why,” or a “I’m so pissed, I want to tell you to fuck off” is actually relational, if you’re heart is seeking a response.

W: You asked ‘how did people ever get convinced that masking their true feelings would make for a connection?’ I’d like to know more about that because I’d say I spent a good part of my life relating to god and others in that territory, and can still find myself needing to pause, back up and get back to real at times.

DF: Now that is a really awesome question, that evidences that you are indeed on a quest, never ending learning and all of that. Why do people pretend? Near as I can tell, it’s simply fear of loss. People are afraid of losing love, or worse, getting disapproval from an other, that they will put forward feelings and energy and words and even a persona that isn’t them at all.

Sounds like in that though, it proves we are meant for love, and that love is native to us and so we go to these crazy lengths to try and have it.

Such crazy lengths in fact, that the person even convinces themselves and many around them that the growing false persona that they have put forward is in fact them, and not the stand-in that it is. This is the world of the false self.

W: How could someone be able to tell the difference between their false self doing the moment as compared to their authentic self?

DF: More good questions, Wayne. Thank you. Nothing makes for a deepening conversation than a heart open and hungry questioner. I think this one is really easy to feel and see the difference if someone is willing to be real with themselves. My truth is that whenever someone is operating from their false self, their needs are not being met. In other words, they aren’t being nourished. There is no joy or fulfillment in the relating. Often, it’s just a sense of duty or obligation that is providing the momentum in the relationship. This is the biggest killer for most people’s relationship with God, and with anyone else. Being devout towards God is the biggest lie there is, because there is always underneath the devotion unspoken and often unfelt anger and hurt towards God.

W: I can feel myself for so long in my past in the way under-nourished department in my relationship with god and others. I wished I was more attuned then to the under nourishment.

DF: What would you have done if you could have figured this one out sooner?

W: Well, I imagine I’d have found what I have with you now a lot sooner, and that would have meant for more nourishment and meaning with others sooner as well, and less suffering.

DF: While that’s true on one level, and ending suffering is the desire of the universe Wayne, the universe also knows that people need the time they need to be able to live their way to knowing and feeling the differences we’re talking about. Whether someone is on the side of not having this nourishment or having it deeply, both are an equally sacred human experience of coming-to-know. It’s the experience of not having that makes the having so sweet and treasured.

W: And the having is what actually melts away all the regret and sorrow over the not having.

DF: Exactly.

W: Christopher shared a piece of journaling today about feeling his past with men, and how much posturing there was around the guys, and how tender it felt to have what we have now in comparison, and then he felt it way deeper still, feeling how a part of him feared losing that with me if more men join in our connection. That he could find and feel that real and underlying vulnerability and bring it with tears is a gift that is still moving through me. That is nourishment.

DF: And you only know it when you know it. The pearl of great price.

W: And then you go and sell all that you have and go out and buy the field that pearl is contained in, if I remember that parable correctly.

DF: Yes, that’s it. I’d add to that: Or you don’t. Instead you remain in your predictable routine, your hiding, your suffering, while the universe aches with the ache you can’t yet feel and supports you to arrive eventually at your sovereign choice one fine day.

W: Father, it feels like all of manhood is aching for every man to grow in this way. That any man who takes any step in this growth is taking a step actually for all men.

DF: Yes, this is the real and true and deep ground of a man being a true man, in his real life, in his real relationships. Everything that is needed for his personal epic drama is in place. That his life looks so normal, so lackluster, so empty possibly, is all just contrasting backdrop to this epic story of the search for realness and nourishment that the universe supports him to reach out for and find and be forever changed. Hopefully, if the price and lesson is deep enough, he will never again return to the false world of pretense of going without for very long, and if he does, he can readily feel the difference and choose again.

W: I like feeling this feeling Father, I mean much of my waking consciousness feels normal and ordinary to me. To be able to feel my life as being this deep in love, and my own unfolding divinity and journey colors my feelings of myself.

DF: Crayola, 64 pack, man! Yes. Color in and out of the lines.

W: Thank you Father, You tired me out again.

DF: I thought I fired you up.

W: Well, you did, and then that needs time and life and rest to digest.

DF: So it does, Wayne.

W: Thank you Father.

 

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

 

W: Hey Divine Father, I’d like to connect again, I’m feeling some kind of an ache inside of me today and I think it has to do with where we left off yesterday.

DF: Sure, Wayne. Say more.

W: Well, I’ve been feeling it all day today as a background wanting of something. When I check in with the feeling, it comes up as dissatisfaction, a wanting of something that I don’t have, and then the feeling goes to imagining what it would be like to have a momentum of new people and new intimacy in our lives.

DF: Okay…

W: But then, I, or some part of me, wonders if I’m resisting letting in the goodness that I have right now, by looking outward for something else. Appreciating what I have always feels like an area that I can grow more in.

DF: So, why don’t we try something?

W: Okay.

DF: Let’s put the question of whether you need to just learn to be happy with what you have aside for a moment, if that’s okay.

W: I’m okay with that.

DF: Good. Now, I want you to feel and say more about what, what did you call it? ‘a momentum of new people and new intimacy in your life.’ Imagine that, feel that, and see if you can put picture and feeling words around it.

W: Well, it’s an exciting feeling of being wanted by others, who we are as well as the life we’ve chosen, people like us wanting to be around us, to create something more that we and they, can’t create on our own. It’s deeply sharing the choices of ‘where to live’ and ‘how to live’ together in relationship. Somehow, it’s the opposite of the separate self our society has engendered who perceives they don’t need anyone or anything to large degree.

DF: Don’t stop for me.

W: Okay, what else? It’s feeling life together, all of life, needs for security, food, shelter, sex, culture. All of that takes on a new dimension when you add one more person, and it loses a dimension when you lose a person. I recall being single and how momentously my life changed to not just have someone new in my life, but to give myself fully to that intimacy. Life went to places, and fulfillments along with challenges that I hadn’t dreamed of. Well, actually, I had let myself do some dreaming, but the reality was still way beyond that, and still is.

DF: Wayne, when you feel this in light of mate ache, that growing ache a single person feels that moves them and the universe to manifest their mate, why wouldn’t that also be true around larger community?

W: So you’re saying I’m feeling something natural?

DF: Couldn’t be more natural if you ask me.

W: I am asking you.

DF: Wayne, I like that you hold the question of where your dissatisfaction is coming from, if this is just something that you need to find deeper fulfillment with what you have now. But to me, it isn’t what’s real and alive here. You have found and lived your way into something truly alive and real and it couldn’t be any other way than for there to be an arising dissatisfaction with keeping it to yourselves. You’re meant to feel a missing, an ache for something that isn’t here yet.

W: That feels true.

DF: Wayne, it is true. Something alive that isn’t shared dies. Not that death itself is so bad, but this something dies before it’s time, triggering an ache and a sorrow for what could have been, but wasn’t, in the hopes that it will manifest next time around.

W: I got to tell you a story, father.

DF: Okay. Please do.

W: Yesterday, just before bedtime Father, there was this swarm of bugs outside and so we closed the shutters to keep them out of the house. I took a walk outside to see what was up and to my shock, it looked like the house was on fire with the thick swarms of bugs hovering all over the red tile roof. It came up in minutes, a kind of bug I hadn’t noticed before. We just had like our first week of the rainy season and of course that had everything to do with it. We were first a bit scared as well as annoyed, but as I felt into what message might there be in this, I felt some things.

DF: Such as…

W: Well, here was this little army of bugs, suddenly born out onto the scene of life, previously only existing in potential form and completely off the radar (of us humans at least). I was told they were termites, they had 4 wings, which I they seemed to shed and go to a wingless life…because the ground was littered with wings and the bugs were later crawling instead of flying. Then everything went back to normal overnight and we had a big house cleaning session this morning. All of that speaks of deep and sudden transformation. It existed first in potential larvae form, then baking in the clay tile ovens of the roof tiles and the dry season for who knows how long, then life takes a turn and voila. It was hard to think of anything else. A new time had come. And it felt like the universe was wanting us to feel the potential for sudden change, even as we have been holding and desiring that. The change feels related to the expansion of community.

DF: Wow, Wayne, nature itself showed you the naturalness of deep and sudden transformation. First, it existed in potential and hidden form, ‘baking’ until the cake was ready, and boom, all of life suspends, as a birthing takes place, chaos and then an integrating of that birthing. The insects are powerful totems wanting you to feel with them, and them wanting to feel with you, the energy that the universe is pulsing with, and how it resonates in both you and them.

W: So could community come out of the woodwork that quickly?

DF: It’s a native to the universe desire Wayne, that you are feeling and so are the many others who are drawn to and ache for community. Also, you are entering a time where the old story of separation and independence is crumbling fast. For many like you and others, it’s well beyond crumbling, and the pillars have caved in. You will soon see a surprising coming together of likeminded hearts and souls very ready to explore what a relationship might look like.

W: Wow, I wonder if all of me is ready to feel that. I mean, it’s been so long of not having that, trying to learn to live and be fulfilled without it.

DF: I get the challenge Wayne in that, but all you need to do is feel your desires, as well as what it feels like to try and keep the lid on these desires and I think it deeply and feelingly answers your questions. A new time is coming, and you are actually getting ready for it, fast.

W: Okay, I want to let in those words and feelings Father.

DF: Yes, you worked hard to choose and to be with the comparative isolation of the past. That was the baking of the potential into the cake of what is manifesting soon. I mean, you don’t need to believe me, just take note of what comes next as it does, and remember us feeling all this together. You’ll need that when the chaos shows up.

W: But a good kind of chaos…

DF: The kind you wanted for a very log time, Wayne, more than just this lifetime. And the kind that life and the universe has been preparing you for, for a long time.

W: Thanks again so much, Father.

DF: You are Welcome, Wayne.

 

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

W:  Hello Divine Father.

DF: Hey Wayne…

W: I just did a bunch of painting today, the first time in 9 months. I should let the readers know that I retired last year from 30 plus years of self employment as a painting contractor, and today was painting for another couple here at the ranch. I’d like to digest some feelings that came up for me around that, as well as dig some deeper to feel some things that I suspect are off my radar that are wanting to come up to be felt.

DF: Sounds good, let’s go there, Wayne. What did you feel so far?

W: Well, as I got painting, I felt the old familiar mind space start to settle in around estimating how long it would take to complete tasks, then trying to strategize things. I felt a part of me dig in, and try to focus and crank it out. Now, today was all way more relaxed from where I used to be in this, but it was enough of an energetic feeling reminder to put me right back to the feeling space of where I lived and breathed for so long. Productivity was definitely a drug for a part of me, so much so, that I really just was this part of me, most of the time, in the work domain of my life. Then there was all of just the right tools for the task, with tons of options. Today, I used borrowed everything, and it was a stark contrast to how things would have looked and felt a few years ago.

DF: So what feelings came up for you so far?

W: So far, I have this feeling of ‘who was I?’ during this evolving era of my life. The feeling behind the question is one something of a mourning for lost opportunity. What wasn’t in my consciousness and heart that could have been during this time? I felt locked into so much linearity around logistics; the drive to get ahead always dictating; money demands always rising to match or exceed the increased income.

DF: Wayne, I think you need to start with feeling that every bit of that ground and all that it entailed, so many settings and experiences and relationships that were all intertwined, all of it was and is sacred. That’s really important to feel. Feeling the difference in your consciousness today and comparing it to the past does not mean that the past was any less sacred or the present any more sacred. And the future won’t be any more sacred either, with whatever growths you attain to.

W: Wow, when I feel that, that I can’t get to anything more sacred, and never could actually, then in some way, I’ve arrived already to the destination of my life pilgrimage you could say.

DF: Yes, you are as loved, and held, and valued as you will ever be, as you are now. Nothing you do, or feel for that matter, can increase or decrease that. You actually arrived before you began.

W: Which of course begs the question, ‘What’s the point of the journey then?’

DF: Can you feel into the answer to that?

W: When I feel it Father, it feels to me like the point of the journey is to come deeper and deeper into the knowing and feeling this self love, this divine love, to let it in, to let it color my waking and sleeping experience, to let it flow through me relationally with my parts and with others. As I say that, I feel how this is really Tristan, the part of me who held my contractor reality, who is holding this inquiry today.

DF: Thank you for feeling Tristan in this Wayne. Let’s feel it from Tristan’s reality. He held and did a bunch of your life for a long time. He was the best thing you had going, when there wasn’t the you that is here now to lead. He needs to be honoured for that. And what you said Wayne, about letting in the love, that has to go into every part of your being. It’s not just some soul part of you that gets to find deeper context and meaning and fulfillment, but every part of you that needs and wants to share in it for it to be real and wholesome.

W: That jives with what you said about all of life being already sacred. I mean, if the journey is not about attaining the sacred, or connection with god, because that’s already true, then that truth flooding my entire being is the only point or goal that’s left.

DF: I wished I had a heavenly choir to echo that feeling back to you in words and song and a thousand voices. Yes, yes and yes, Wayne. Letting in this love is all that’s left.

W: It feels so rich and deep father, so good to feel this.

DF: And Wayne, you only get to feel this by being human. It is your humanity that craves love and security, and meaning and being seen as unique, and connected to all love.

W: So what then of my feeling of mourning the me who couldn’t feel this goodness that I feel now?

DF: Mourning is feeling what could have been, but wasn’t. Mourning is realizing   you had something, but didn’t know it. Mourning is what makes room for deep change and growth. There was more love to be had and you, or part of you missed out on it. Part of you suffered in it’s absence, and attached to other things like productivity, linearity, and self image in order to medicate over the missing.

W: So I hear you validating deep change and growth, inside of the reality that I can’t get anymore connected to god than I already am.

DF: Yes, and if you can fast forward to the future and know there will be more mourning of what was, and what wasn’t, in this way that we’re feeling together, because mourning always lets in deep growth and change. Sorrow and joy. Sorrow and joy.

W: I can feel myself almost full up for today.

DF: I’ll bet. Celebrate Tristan Wayne, as you feel the mourning moving him and make ready for new levels of joy and connection.

W: Thank you Father, I will.

 

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

W: Hello Divine Father.

DF: Hello Wayne. Where would you like to go today?

W: I feel I’d like to talk about intimacy. Yesterday with you was so intimate, and I’m still letting that in. The heart space I live in every day with Jillian and Christopher is more intimate than I’ve ever known, being without most of the distractions from intimacy that so many people’s lifestyle has. And intimacy comes up for me as I’m digesting some recent contact these past couple days from people within the intense group in which Jillian and I met and were a part of 7 years ago.

DF: Let’s talk about intimacy then, and see if we can feel it as we talk about it. What comes for me Wayne, as I open my heart again to you and our dialogue, if you don’t me saying is that what you are really wanting is to feel intimate on some level, and maybe trying to get there by talking mentally about it.

W: That feels true Father, and no, I don’t mind you saying.

DF: Can you feel then the level that you are seeking intimacy, cuz, as you say, you live in it with Jillian and Christopher, and as I know, your parts as well.

W: I feel I still hunger for more intimacy with a growing circle of people who also want and value intimacy. This off-grid lifestyle we’ve chosen is the most off-grid in it’s sense of heart and intimacy. I don’t know of any other group or couple who lives in what we live in.

DF: So more numbers would make it more bearable then?

W: Truth is Father, I think I do think that way a lot of the time and I’m not sure it’s true. I mean, would more intimacy fill this longing I still seem to be carrying? What if more intimacy with more people ended up being a whole lot more difficult on some level?

DF: It’s one of those things again Wayne, that we can’t know till we do. Can you let this longing simply speak it’s words and truth right now? Can you find it’s voice?

W: Thank you Father, I feel you feeling me. I’ll try to feel into this longing and it’s voice right now, as you say.

It says: I want to know and be known. I want the freedom of not hiding my real self, and the joy of not having to live without knowing others real selves. I want my pains to be soothed by knowing and feeling the real pains of others. I want to really know and feel my joy by being around others embracing and living in their joy. I want to be around people who admit the roles they’ve become captive to, heal what’s underneath that role, and let more of them out to truly play.

DF: Hey, great access, Wayne. I admire your willingness to just feel and write.

W: Thank you.

DF: That’s you being intimate with you. Intimacy must start there.

W: Where does it go from there, or where does it need to go?

DF: Let’s put the question this way: Where does the intimacy want to go?

W: Good call.

DF: I’ll say. Everything the voice of your longing said was an ‘I want.’ A good healed and working wanter is what’s needed here, and that you have in spades Wayne.

W: So where does intimacy want to go?

DF: See what I mean, Mr. Impatient Wanter?

Where the intimacy wants to go is of course into more. Intimacy, though it fulfills so deeply is never fully satisfied. It always wants more.

W: Kind of like really good sex, and you think you’re good for a week.

DF: Exactly, 48 hours later and whose all up in a dither? This is about the willingness to live in and bear desire, appetite, wanting. It’s what really being alive is about. Wayne, most folks want a spirituality that will moderate their desire nature, keep it in bounds because this aspect of being fully alive is what takes the balls. Anyone can fuck. But few can feel all that’s to be surrendered to in fucking. Intimacy of heart and soul is no different than body talk. There’s one night stands, friends with benefits and then there’s true lovers. True lovers surrender to the vulnerability of their inflamed desire and wanter that calls them to bear love, to take it to the next level. And what makes it so hot is the risk that both take to keep it alive.

W: This is so true. How many people father have been okay with living without love, real love on all these levels? I want that with more people. I’ll keep the sex between Jillian and I, but the raw, heart open in-to-me-see, I want more of that with more people.

DF: There’s your wanter talking out loud again, Wayne. I love it. And I thank you for being so free to say it. The words of your mouth and the desire of your heart is what is manifesting. Intimacy is begotten by desire that is owned inwardly and spoken outwardly. You’ve got yourself a heart-on!

W: J , Pardon me…

DF: No, don’t hide this one. Be proud of it. Let it out in fact for the world to see.

W: I mean really, what about the pearls before swine thing, Father?

DF: Okay, let’s go there as well. Intimacy is a two way street. Someone has to cross the space and ask for it in some way, shape or form, or it never happens. That involves your heart on your sleeve.

W: I’m reminded of the words:

I can’t know you unless you reveal yourself to me.

You won’t reveal yourself to me unless you trust me.

You can’t trust me unless you know me.

       You won’t know me unless I reveal myself to you.

I get that Father, it must begin with me, which is really cool, because I can act on what I want.

DF: Totally! And now is where the pearls before swine comes in. When you are that willing to be that open, showing off your heart-on proudly I might add, that’s when the other needs to show up for their part with a mutuality. And that’s where healthy protection of your own heart comes in, after you’ve led with revealing yourself to an other, your real self.

And hopefully, you’ve been drawn to people who are open and hungry and at a similar place as you ready to open up, so you won’t have to wade through too many swine, because you’ve been willing to fully bake in your desire and ache for more.

W: Okay, you nailed it, that’s what I want.

DF: Which answers your earlier question about whether more intimacy with more people is what you really want doesn’t it?

W: It does Father, I do want that. I really do. I want to fully embrace that desire, own it, and live in it and be responsive to it, to lead with it, that heart-on as you like to call it. It feels so much better to just admit this, let alone experience another person to share it with.

DF: True, true, because it’s all intimacy. In this case, it’s in-to-you-see, which leads to more in-to-me-see, in a really cool dance. And I think you’re ready for it Wayne, so again, don’t fall off your chair when it shows up.

W: Yeah, don’t want to sprain my heart-on.

DF: Exactly!

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

DF: Happy Birthday, Wayne.

W: Yes, thank you, Divine Father.

DF: 54 years this life and what a life, Wayne…

W: Thank you. I’d really like to feel how you see my life.

DF: Thank-YOU, because that’s where I wanted to go today.

W: I open my heart to take in your words and perspective.

DF: You have relentlessly journeyed, relentlessly chosen your own growth and next phase of your life that life brought you, not in spite of your fear, but in full face of your fear. You’ve grown in so many amazing ways, that you are an anomaly in today’s world. And that you can just humbly be you, in everyday life, doing dishes, treading cob, watering the gardens, without need for any kind of false glory recognition touches me so deeply Wayne. You embody and hold my love, and you let it shape and move you, you let it fill and fulfill you.

I’m not done…there’s more.

You are like a newborn at 54. Life is taking a brand new beginning and I feel like a proud father looking in the hospital nursery window to use the metaphor you knew this life. Hell with this looking in the window shit. I’m going in. I want to hold you, and look in your eyes and convey to you my joy and crazy delight and anticipation for your life, and for what comes now. To be accurate, I don’t feel like I own you, or that you owe me anything. I just am so honored that you would bear my name and heart, and let it fill you and reflect me, and I wondrously don’t know where this will go and how this could all turn out. Of course I can’t know. Who are you is so unknown, only to become known as you unfold and do life in this newness that you keep showing up for.

I know you have never quite been in the unknown as you are right now Wayne, with beginning totally afresh with your soulmate and soulfriend, in Mexico, so off-grid that the word off-grid is merely a starting place to describe where you are. Thank you for completing a 30 plus year career last year. Thank you for choosing a new geography and life in alignment with your next growth. And triple Thank you, for not saying you couldn’t afford it, that you couldn’t go on any further, into any more crazy unknowns, that you understandably took in all you could this life. You had every chance to do just that, and I would have wept, not with disappointment, but with joy for all that you did, and my tears right now in this moment are in a state of wonder that you would and did choose what you chose, again.

I might be close to done, hold on.

I’m sorry that you’ve had to ride a line of being seen as a freak in the relationships you chose to leave and enter. I’m sorry for the loss of people connection and the pain you endured of being misunderstood at so many of your choice points. And I’d like to tell you that an era is coming to a close. You had to enter a wilderness of meaningful people connections to find this love inside of you that you find now, to know it more and more, to be enabled to fluently speak this heart language, first, you to you, and now, in an newer and more public way, you to others. This is who you are. This is your true currency. This is your true value in the world. It will be as natural as breathing and a harvest of so many of your choices and learnings up till now.

Wow, I’m waxing prophetic, Wayne, but I feel this for you. I feel you feel it for you. And I think the universe is offering you that if you want this, then you are to own it and live it and breathe it and let it in. In other words, this is still another choice point for you, not a given. I hope it is an easy choice point for you.

W: The birds are going crazy out the window right now, a whole bunch of clatter and answering to each other. I do feel the universes invitation and offering, and I do so accept this gift and my god, I can’t think of a better gift for my birthday.

DF: It’s a bit of a paradox, Wayne, because it is a gift and you earned it. Both are equally true. Being enabled to receive gifts is always a function of your choices and growth and learning.

W: Wow, okay, so I’m letting this in and the tear tracks are pausing on my face in the moment. I feel like I only have a one word vocabulary in the moment, that word being thank you.

And what comes is a feeling of feeling so special, that how could anyone else be as special as me, like you’ve used up all of the specialness jar on me. I hope it’s not a resistance to letting in what you are offering, but I want to invite people following this dialogue to be enabled to take this in personally for themselves too, somehow.

DF: Yes, because love isn’t real unless it multiplies and spontaneously combusts in hearts. Yes, because where love is without tears of deep eye to eye and heart to heart feeling, is a tragedy, lacking true flow. This love needs to be known by others, or it’s a bubble. A love bubble, mind you, which is a good thing and like love in many ways, but love is meant to flow. And what I hear you asking Wayne, is that you want others to know this love and feel this love and to help you bear this love.

W: Yes.

DF: I’m reminded of the meaning of your name – ‘burden bearer.’ You have born this burden and you still do, and a fruition is coming to pass in all of this for you. I want it for others too Wayne, just like you do, but I want them to have it with you.

W: Isn’t that a bit me-centric?

DF: It could be, if you were still running that wound, and needed to heal it. I get that the love you bear and spread to others can only come to you in the form of personal relationships to a degree that you can bear them and make room for them in your life. But I hope you see that you are to spread this great love and courageous choice ability from your heart to many others hearts, not just the few of deep personal relationship and intimacy, but also to the many. Others are to feel and know, and awaken to this love as it is given to them in the giving of your gifts. You’re the gift, birthday boy. And, yes, to answer your question, it is a bit you-centric. In fact, it’s a whole lot you-centric. What’s love without a you, and a me, fully in, emptying the specialness jar like big selfish hogs.

W: Another paradox, self centered love.

DF: Yeah, you get that one. Any love that isn’t centered in self is no love at all.

W: I wonder if I’ll need to pause the dialogues for a week just to let in today.

DF: I think you got this one Wayne. You are bigger than you know, you know?

W: I know. I know I don’t know.

DF: Another paradox. True knowing is always contained in not knowing.

W: Thank you so much Father for this incredible gift today. I love you.

DF: I love you too Wayne, so much. Happy birthweek!

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

W: Hello, Divine Father.

DF: Hello, Wayne.

W: Father, it is so quiet and peaceful here at the ranch. I believe I only heard the sound of an internal combustion engine once in the past four days, and that only faintly for the tiniest moment. I think it may be hard for people to relate to where I live.

DF: Wow, Wayne, I get that. People have lost so much in relation to peace and tranquility that they don’t really notice its absence anymore. It seems the only way back is to make absent the industrial noises and notice from that experience what has gone missing.

W: As I type this, I can hear birds, and other creatures that make chirps, tweets, and I think I max out on my vocabulary trying to describe the other sounds. Some of them are very faint and distant and others a bit jarring, like when the rooster took to hanging out just beside the verandah. The dogs are usually contributing, but they must be resting in the afternoon overcast. There is a virtual heaven here in sound.

DF: And if you listen to the sound, is there a voice or a message to the sounds? Go ahead, try it now.

W: Interesting, Father, as I set out to do this, one of the first things I noticed in listening was the sound of my computer’s fan, as quiet as that is, but when I got past that, I hear a creative energy, creatures in creativity, doing things that are distinctly native to them, of which I am left in curiosity as to what it might be. There is no sense of stress or anxiety.

DF: Good, and now see if you can hear a message in that, roll out some words when you are ready.

W: Nothing like putting a guy on the spot.

DF: Go ahead, you can do this. You’ve done it a lot before, your conscious mind has just forgotten.

W: Okay, let me feel some more.

The many birds together say:

Only be that which you most truly are. Take in the energy of the sun and the universe that provides all things and let it move you to be you. Let go of that which is not you. Let your life force flow through you as a song that brings beauty and joy to everyone who has ears to hear.

Wow, Father God, the birds are actually talking to me.

DF: Of course they are, Wayne, of course.

W: Wow, Like, that’s what they’re really sayin’ then, you agree?

DF: They bring what you need to hear when you need to hear it. And, yes, that feels like what they are saying to you right now. And they’re pumped to have your ears. They can tell when you are giving them the gift of your attention.

W: This is cool stuff, Father.

DF: Okay, so it is. Now, see if you can transport yourself back to a busy noisy place somewhere, tune that in and see if you can hear the message or words in that noise.

W: Okay, I got to think of a place…ok, got one, the intersection outside a condo I used to live in, on a major thoroughfare.

DF: Perfect, get yourself seated there somewhere, close your eyes and listen and feel.

W: Got it.

The message I hear is. ‘No Time, I gotta go, or I’ll get behind. Gotta get ahead. The only person who cares for me is me. There is no beauty, only ‘progress’ and ‘development,’ but certainly no place for joy, or deep and real pleasure, or connection.

DF: And how does the message make you feel?

W: There is gasping for air, hunger to be seen and noticed and appreciated, in all of this speed and efficiency. If only I could do it faster and more efficiently, that would be perfect. There is great stress on the edge of a breaking point.

DF: And anything else you notice?

The birds here are mostly only a nuisance, nesting and pooping where they annoy people. They make messes of open trash cans and tossed out fast food bags.

DF: Wow, Wayne. That’s a pretty full deal right there. One setting opens you out and celebrates you, the other shuts you down, but still drives you, leaves you in stress and disconnection.

W: I’ll say, wow.

DF: So why did you live there?

W: I don’t know…

DF: Why do you think you lived there? This may be a bit hard to feel, but I think you can get to it.

W: As I feel it now, I could say it was about convenience, or proximity to my work, but that wouldn’t be true on the level you are talking now. The deeper truth I can feel is that I lived there because the message of that setting resonated with how I felt about myself. The lack of space to naturally and fully be myself, was somehow wired up as a side benefit of living there. And under that, I can feel this deeper me not resolved yet on whether it was then ready or not to be born into a world of beauty, and being seen and noticed.

DF: I’m so glad you live where you live now.

W: I am too, Father, most of the time. It isn’t without its adjustments and missings of something familiar.

DF: Yes, I have so felt you feeling your way through those missings as they come up for you.

W: Thank you. I feel that. I have felt your support to fully feel what I miss and have tears when I need to.

DF: The old familiar needs to be mourned and let go of to make room for a new familiar. The good news is that you are not meant to be without familiar comforts that make you feel helped and protected and loved and connected with.

W: I like feeling that, Father. Thank you again.

DF: Listen to the animals, they will help you move through these changes with less discomfort and pain. They are gifts to you to help you with your ongoing transmutation. You are not meant to do any of this without support and love and connection.

W: You come through the animals then?

DF: I do. There’s no hangups between me and them.

W: I will do that more and more, Father. I know I keep saying thank you, it’s just that I feel grateful when I feel our connection.

DF: That’s a good sign, Wayne. Everything you have has been given to you, so it’s your default state actually – Gratitude. All of life is a gift. Live where you can feel the gift, and express the gift to others. Receive the gifts of others gratitude in return. I want you to be well, really, really well.

W: Thank you, Father.

DF: Thank you, Wayne.

 

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

W: Hello Father.

DF: Hello Wayne.

W: Father, I have a curious question for you.

DF: Curious I like. Please.

W: What is this connection that you and I share?

DF: Say more.

W: I mean, is it real, or is it imagined? Who is the you that I contact? How are the people who are reading this supposed to hold it? Am I like, ‘downloading God’? That’s quite a claim. If I could convince folks of that, it should sell for a fortune.

DF: I know you’re playing a bit dumb here, Wayne, but I can play along. Hopefully, we don’t offend folks with our condescension.

Of course, this is your imagination. And it’s very real. Both are true. Every belief about God that is on the planet now began in the imagination of one person, became stronger as that became a shared imagination and what came next were stories. There is nothing more profound than stories to move people and the universe. Hopefully, you and I will get real comfortable in your imagination and begin a brand new story.

W: Wow, so why do we trip over that, Father, the argument that something real isn’t imagined? As you say… what you just said, I can get that everything we call ‘real’, obviously began in the imagination, as an image. ‘Imagination’ and ‘real’ aren’t as far apart… as we imagined.

DF: And I don’t mean to jump to far ahead here, Wayne, but once you get that, then and only then can you actually take responsibility for the stories you are living from, the stories that are living you, and the stories you are giving strength to by doing so.

W: Let’s go there in a moment. I need to feel this piece that God is all in my head.

DF: And your heart.

W: And my heart.

DF: Right.

W: Not sure where to go now, you’re tweaking me.

DF: Tweaking’s good.

W: In the Christian bible… now there’s a story and a half that really held my consciousness for most of my life, first book ever written in fact…the deal was whether I believed the story as offered to be ‘thee truth’ or not that determines if I would go to heaven or hell. Those are two more very big stories, which goes to show…. what, Father?

DF: That anyone can be a really lousy story teller and get lots of people to listen.

W: You’re calling me a dumb dumb?

DF: Ahh, Wayne. No, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that we’re going to need to have some fun with this if we’re gonna blow up a story the size of the moon and come up with a new one.

W: So that’s what you have in mind.

DF: Father God vs. Heavenly Father. May the best God win!

W: You’ve already got a bit punchy in the first two days about false god stuff. It scares part of me with the shit you might stir up. I might need to double check with my parts if they are up for this ride?

DF: You may need to. You’re right.

W: Okay, I’ll do that.

DF: Good.

Here’s the thing, Wayne. The whole world is drowning in stories that have outlived their usefulness. The old God stories are stories in the most absolute sense possible. Humans are only and ever moved by nothing more than story.

W: Even I used to admit as a Christian, that the God story of the bible was in the truest sense, only and ever a story, but one that I believed to be a true story, something that really happened, that the story just gave an accurate account of.

DF: But you had no way of actually knowing if the story was a literal account or just a story pulled out of someone’s…mind.

W: All I could do for me, or offer to the person who I wanted to adopt the story like I had, was that they needed to believe, because there was no other way of proving per se. We don’t have talking snakes in our present ‘real’ world.

DF: And you know, that’s another bummer. I think all snakes should talk.

W: You’re proving to be quite a character.

DF: If we are busy reinventing God, don’t you think we should make it interesting? I’d like to be interesting.

W: But God, there’s a lot of people who’d be pissed as hell if these dialogues go anywhere out there in story land, and they’ve proven they can do some serious shit when they all get together and get pissed enough.

DF: And I say, piss on them. Truly. They are in the hell of their own choosing and there is no helping them.

W: Do you really mean that, Father God? I mean, it hurts to feel people really beyond help.

DF: Okay, so I’m a bit of an ass. It’s just how I’m feeling today. Maybe tomorrow, you’ll get something different out of me. The deal is though that people, if they are anything, they are subscribers to story. It is story that leads, guides and directs. Consciousness arising is simply taking responsibility for the stories you’ve let get in on the inside. Want a real and lasting deep life change? Look at the story you are reenacting, and find a new one, or better yet, make one up! God dammit!

W: There’s still stories I still want to change in my life.

DF: See, you’re anything but a dumb dumb, Wayne. You see that everything literal is born of story, and all story is imagination, and an imagination led by heart and love literally recreates the world. Nothing can stop a story whose time has come. And nothing can save an old story whose time is up. Sorry ‘Heavenly Father’,… loving jerk with ninety some percent of your subjects roasting in eternal hell-fires with not even the courtesy of an end to existence.

W: Wow, when you say it that way, you’re not half as nasty as that guy.

DF: You think I’m nasty?

W: I’m just getting to know you.

DF: With a couple reservations…

W: Maybe a couple…

DF: Good, you don’t want to buy any more tall stories.

Thank you again, Divine Father. I want your help in feeling the stories I have running, and guidance around finding replacements. Ones I can feel and heal with.

Let’s do that, Wayne. We’ll get beyond the angst, really we will, into heart and love and passion. I’m not sure what, but like I said, no use coming up with a dull story, nobody’d pay no mind. Manana, Amigo.

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

W:  Hello, Divine Father

DF:  Hello, Wayne.

W:  Thank you for being and thank you for being here with me.

DF:  You’re welcome, Wayne.

W:  Well, Father, I’m not sure how to begin.

DF:  You just start.

W:  Okay. I can feel Tristan inside of me, he’s my retiring contractor wanting to tell you a little story. I’m glad he feels okay to be this direct with you.

DF:  I’d love to hear that story.

Tristan:  Tristan says: Hello Father.

DF:  Hello Tristan.

T:  Yesterday, after we talked with you. I felt a bit overwhelmed taking on another big project of writing every day. There’s the time needed to write, check it over, and then get it ready for posting and all of that. Then there’s the impact on the morning work schedule we’ve been keeping around cob building that affects working with Jillian and Christopher. So I asked you for some guidance and support around all of that. I felt myself settle into trust around it as the day went on, but then at bedtime, there was a cool gift.

DF:  Cool gifts are really good. What was it?

T:  A firefly flew right into our room, after dark, landed on my e-reader, buzzed around, all lit up, and then sat on the wall on the slow fade in and out setting. We named him Sparky.  Jillian got out of bed to get our animal totem booklet and this is what it said about the firefly: Keep your hope strong. New Inspiration is awakening. Trust your own rhythms. Hope is critical to fulfillment and accomplishment.

DF:  Awesome, Tristan. And how does that help you now?

T:  Well, I’ve been doing so much linear mind stuff all my life, technical customer service stuff and painting contracting that it was difficult to feel any of it inside of a divine container. Stuff like the firefly’s message helps me see the divine reverence for all of life that underlies all things. I really want to see that more and more.

DF:  And Tristan, so you shall my friend, so you shall.

T:  Thank you Father.

DF:  No, thank you. Thank you for your overwhelm, for being willing to feel it and  ask for help from inside of it, feel your trust, find your answer and especially thank you for being willing to share it. You are a great man with a child’s heart.

Wayne:  Thank you for feeling Tristan, Father.

DF:  You’re both welcome, big time.

W:  Now my heart is overwhelmed again, but with a really good feeling of being loved, and unique, and connected. I can feel your energy and heart going into Tristan and me both.

DF:  Divine overwhelm.

W:  So you are into fireflies?

DF:  I am. That is just part of the whole lit up deal, you know.

W:  The whole lit up deal?

DF:  The whole lit up deal. That’s as good a name for it as any. It’s when life takes on a new and deepening glow because you choose to see.

W:  I choose to see and yet I know that I want to see so much more.

DF:  If you are willing to see, Wayne, and willing to need and feel, I can assure you the rest of your days will be filled with deepening wonder, deepening experience of love.

W:  Wow, I really wonder if I can let that in, Father. How do I really feel deep down inside of me about a never ending deepening in love and wonder?

DF:  Wayne, even the means to let in more capacity to let in love is something that is given to you inside of relationship. You use up what you have and come back for more.

W:  That’s feels like what’s really true for me right now Father, thank you.

I want to let in my next pieces, big or small. Life has changed so much this past year with leaving Canada, laying down an old livelihood, and moving to an off grid ranch in rural Mexico. Many times, parts of me feel a missing of something, having let go of so much, being in so much newness and trust. But really, I can’t really place what it is that I miss from my old life. It feels like what I am really aching for is a deeper and more moment by moment felt connection with you. I guess I’ve used up what I had and am hungry for more, like you say.

DF:  Wayne. Love is here now. For you. With me. A deep awareness that all of life is arrayed in union to bring you goodness, heart, and meaning. Everything that I am and all that I have, I share it with you, as you do likewise. Nothing can separate you from this love, never, ever.

W:  And I choose again in this moment to let this love in, to let it fill me, move me, bathe me, to let it color how I feel about myself, how my parts feel about themselves.

DF:  Wayne, do that. Do just that. Please. From my end, love that doesn’t get to flow because of a stopped up heart that can’t or won’t receive it is a royal pain in the ass.

W:  I’ll bet. Like clogged plumbing.

DF:  Exactly.

W:  Thank you, Father. I feel to pause on words and conversation and let in this feeling that is here now. Not that we can’t talk more as we go, it’s just that I need to walk it out. I feel you shifting something big in me, making room for where we are going, wherever that is.

DF:  Good call. Tomorrow then?

W:  Yes, as we say here, Manana.

Wayne Vriend is a co-founder of Soulfullheart Community, healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.

Recently, Jillian, Christopher and I, were feeling together the need and desire to embrace the voice of the Divine Father in this time of deep global transmutation and change. Who are you? What is your deepest and truest path? What changes should you embrace to find that? I deeply hope and desire that Dialogues With The Divine Father will take you naturally to your answers to those questions, and to more of your own unique and sovereign connection with The Divine.

Wayne Vriend

A god who can’t feel you, or that you can’t feel is no god at all.

Dear Divine Father,

This is Wayne.

I hope you don’t mind being called that. I need a personal name for the sacred masculine and I’m open to calling you whatever you’d like. It’s just that the Christians took up heavenly father already, and look where that’s gone, and you seem so much more here than heavenly, and the native term of father sky seems too far off somehow for me too. Maybe this is because of my heavy conditioning this life to see the sacred and spiritual as cordoned off somehow from the natural and everyday and mundane. I’d sure like to talk more with you about that one for sure. What I’m feeling is that I long to relate with you and integrate that relationship into my real everyday life. Then I had this idea that I’d like to have and write a daily dialogue starting today, and I’d like to know what you think of that. Like, if I’m going to do this, why not make it public and share it as an offering of my deepest gifts into the world? I did that for 90 days With Yeshua and it changed me so much, that I’m still trying to catch up with it in many ways. Yeshua has a ton of the sacred masculine running, as you know, and our species, me included, has never needed a big dose of the sacred masculine more than it does now.

I feel, Divine Father, that spirituality in general has muddied the waters to the degree where most people don’t see a personal connection with you as a birthright, or native to them, but as a far off removed attainment of some weird kind. My sense is that talking with you, feeling and listening, and then writing what I feel in response is the real deal, available to all. I know so many have tried to make it something more spiritually spooky than that, but mostly what they did was exclude themselves as well as install what amounted to a control and power mechanism over others. No offense if you actually are more spiritually spooky than I’ve imagined, it’s just that I have a heart that feels and speaks and listens and I want to engage that, trust that, that that is enough to learn what I need to learn and long to learn.

Yeshua said so much about how true learning begins with not knowing, the quest of true questions, and I feel how he got that all from you, by not knowing, and questing with his questions. I have a ton of questions, Father. Tons and tons. Each answer I get leads to more questions.

Calling you Father just now makes me feel the young part of me that I call ‘Magical God Child, or MGC for short.’ He’s a new part that I just met recently and I’m guessing that a more personal name will arise for him as I get to know him better, but I wanted to tell you about him, as I can feel his interest in this conversation.

In short, Divine Father, we are so longing to find a sacred masculine energy with which to sort ourselves out. The masculine and the feminine too are at a deep crossroads, our entire human history it feels like is at a place of a sacred death and rebirth. Something huge is collapsing, something whose time is completing and making way for something new.

All of that metaphysics is way cool of course, but then there’s the me who lives in Mexico, on a remote ranch, with my wife and close friend, that really wants to be able to apply this connection with you when I’m watering the garden or treading out another batch of cob for the cabanas we’re building. What is moving in me moment by moment? And how is that a reflection of what’s real in my relationship with you, Divine Father?

I should wrap this up because I can feel you eager to respond and patient too to let me say all I want to say. Thank you. Thank you for the prompt and the idea to start this dialogue. I need the connection and I need to give my deepest gifts of sharing that connection.

Yours truly,

Wayne

**

Dear Wayne,

This is Divine Father.

Thank you for contacting me. You’re right, contacting me is so easy, so easy in fact, that’s what makes it difficult for most people. It only requires need and vulnerability and desire. Sadly though, getting there is the biggest and hardest part of the journey. But so doable, if anyone wants to.

Wayne, you are so all over the place, (if you don’t mind me saying), in a really good way. I have always loved that about you. Thank you for questioning and thank you for not being satisfied with the answers. Most people have yet to conceive that there is much I don’t know. They then create a false god image of me who is all knowing so they can pretend to be little sub versions of it, godliness with a sprinkle of false humility to keep the cover.

I said ‘they’ just now, didn’t I? I don’t mean to be distancing in my wording, it’s just that there is in fact a big distance between me and so many. The distance is not innate, or uncrossable, but it is relational. Need, desire and want has to lead. Truth is, I’m lonely for connection with you, and in danger of learning to settle for the lack of connection. Nothing lights me up more than someone who wants to connect. See that, contrary to popular misconception, needs is another thing I have.

Back to your letter. Pardon me, I was noting you for being all over the place. I feel a booming yes to everything you said, but let me see what I need to mention specifically. Calling me Divine Father is fine, as long as I can call you Divine Son. I am not ashamed in any way to be called and known as your father, but so deeply honored. You could call me Wayne’s dad too for that matter. Yeshua was never my only begotten son, but let’s save that for later. Yes, we can fill up a lot of days with dialogue. I’d like that a lot. It’s going to take us some time to feel totally comfortable with each other, but that’s all good and part of the process. I’m liking the 90 days thing again actually like you did with Yeshua, but we can let that unfold and see where it goes.

I feel Magical God Child inside of you and I’d like to get to know and feel him deeply as we go. Thank you for introducing us already.

You’re so right about the complications and pretzels people put themselves in trying to relate or not to relate to what really amounts to their own divinity. I am not ‘god’ as many conceive of when they use that title. That bastard is a false idol construct created out of the ample supply of true relational disconnect. I’m sorry dear Christian, dear Buddhist, dear Muslim if that offends, and I know it does, but I invite you to feel into the possibility that any real and dear feelings you have towards ‘god’ are in fact a measure of your and my actual and real connection. Your true and deep connection with god is owned by no one, cannot be certified by anyone, and cannot be taken from you or given to by anyone. It’s sovereignly yours, because you are a sovereign. We get to share and relate inside of sovereignty. Anything less is a fraud and a deception of everything you and I actually are.

Yes, we can take all this up and more up in question and quests. Let’s call it that instead of question and answer. I can promise you that you will not come out the other side of this the same. People know that intuitively, don’t they? Real relationship always changes deeply, hence the false substitutes. Change needn’t be nearly as scary inside of a real relationship. Change is as natural as being born, which is meant to be the first of many. You so touch me, Wayne, with your willingness to embrace change, to let it in and welcome it.

I feel your heart’s cry for a deeper knowing and feeling of real divine-sacred-masculine energy and power in your day to day grounded and real life. How you feel about yourself in any and every moment is the essence of life, the essence of divinity and the essence of the sacred journey called humanity. So let’s feel together, Wayne, every day, if we can. Let’s share the feeling, because a feeling is only a feeling if it is felt by an other….hello?

A god who can’t feel you, or that you can’t feel is no god at all.

Man, I get what you say, Wayne, I should probably end this for now. Save it for our daily digest. I think I need the day to get ready for what’s coming tomorrow. Thank you for taking my suggestion so seriously. I hope this touches many and deeply so, and draws more people to connect with you, and Jillian and Christopher. I feel the project you are undertaking.

And one more yes. Yes to you giving your deepest gift to the world. There’s one of the biggest secrets in the universe about how to find your deepest and truest destiny. Set out to give your deepest gifts. Let that lead you step by step, and you can be rest assured that will lead so many fewer regrets, and deep joy and love of being.

Yours truly,

Divine Father

aka ‘waynesdad

Wayne Vriend is a healer and author of 90 Days With Yeshua. Visit soulfullheart.com for more information.